Pulling Rank
"So you've met this guy?" Ichigo asked as Renji led him through the maze of Seireitei streets. Ichigo would have to know this way himself soon, and Renji didn't envy him how little time he had to learn it. "Did you like him? What's he like?"
"If you ask that one more time I'm gonna kick your ass and you won't ever get to meet your damn vice-captain because you'll be bleeding to death in the street," Renji growled.
Ichigo snorted. "You're not even wearing Zabimaru."
Renji bared his teeth. "Yeah, and you suck at kidou."
"So do you!"
"But I don't suck as bad you, so accept it and shut the hell up about stupid shit you'll find out about in a few minutes anyways," Renji snapped. He didn't look at Ichigo. Hiding his unholy glee at keeping the kid in the dark was getting more difficult by the moment. This had better be worth it.
"I'd stop asking if everyone would stop being so damn evasive about it," Ichigo grumbled.
"Who's being evasive? You just keep asking pointless questions! Your ass better learn to just trust the damn Captain's Council." He grinned his trademark mean grin. "I'm on it, after all. Your vice-captain is the best person for the job." That was true, and Renji was so used to this argument now that he didn't have any - well, much - trouble keeping a straight face while he said it. "Why don't you ask about the layout of your offices, or -"
"Because they showed me the plans!" Ichigo snapped, looking at Renji like he was an idiot. Well, they'd see who the idiot was soon enough. "I signed them! Nobody's asked me to sign anything about my vice-captain."
"They will," Renji said, rolling his eyes. "You have to sign the promotion papers. And you can refuse to sign them if you really hate the person the council chose. Not the smartest thing to go against all the other captains first thing… and it's not like there's really anyone else you could choose, but technically. You do get the final say."
"Yeah," said Ichigo. "I know."
"Who knew you were such a control freak?"
"I'm not -"
"Whatever. Here we are." Renji gestured at the network of buildings just ahead of them. "Your division offices."
Ichigo didn't even pause to inspect them - they did look pretty much like the offices of all the other divisions, Renji supposed. Ichigo went right for the entrance to the main office, sliding the door open and stepping inside.
The main room was mostly empty space, but there in center, struggling to push a couch into place, was -
"Hanatarou?" Ichigo said.
Hanatarou jumped. "Ichigo-san! I mean, Captain!" He looked reproachfully at Renji. "Captain Abarai said you wouldn't be here until noon!"
Renji shrugged. "I underestimated how annoying he would be."
Ichigo ignored him and looked at Hanatarou. "You're my vice-captain? I mean, it's cool, but why the hell didn't anyone -"
"No, no no no!" Hanatarou waved his hands frantically. "No, not me! I couldn't be - I'm honored just to be Ichigo-san's third seat!"
"Oh," Ichigo said. "Well. Great. He turned to glare at Renji. "I thought you said my vice-captain would be here already. He's late? That's not exactly promising."
"No, Vice-Captain is here!" Ichigo looked back at Hanatarou. "In - in the private office. Captain!" He gestured at a door on the far wall.
"Oh. Good. Thanks, Hanatarou. You really did transfer from the Fourth, huh?"
Hanatarou nodded.
"Cool. Nice to know there'll be someone in the division I actually know." Hanatarou looked questioningly at Renji - fortunately Ichigo didn't notice, so Renji was free to give Hanatarou the 11th division standard 'talk and you're dead' look. Just for old times' sake.
Ichigo dropped a hand absently on Hanatarou's shoulder as he passed him on the way to the door into his private office. Renji followed, winking at Hanatarou over his shoulder. Poor kid looked desperately confused. Renji resisted laughing at that, too.
"Rukia?" Ichigo said with not nearly enough surprise in his voice as Renji stepped through the open door. "What are you doing here?" Renji left the door open behind him.
Rukia looked up from her desk on the right side of the office.
"Where's my vice-captain?"
Renji had to look away and cough to hide his laughter. So that was why Ichigo didn't seem shocked. The dumbass was in for it now.
"Are you stupid?" Rukia demanded. Then she picked her badge up from where it lay on the desk and chucked it at Ichigo's head.
"OW." He caught the badge as it bounced off his forehead and held it up, stared at it for a second. Then his head snapped up and he yelled at Rukia, "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"
"What does it look like, fool?" She folded her arms.
"No way are you my vice-captain!" Ichigo said, pointing at her with the hand holding her vice-captain's badge, straps of the arm band dangling.
"Of course I am! Why wouldn't I be?" She raised her eyebrows at him haughtily.
"Uh, because you're not even seated? Moron!"
Shit. Renji took a step back, toward the door. He wasn't sure whether to be more impressed by Ichigo's courage or his stupidity. Then he remembered it was the same thing.
"Are you implying I'm not strong enough?!" Rukia jumped to her feet, slamming her hands down on the desk.
"What - your asshole brother won't even let you be promoted to a seat! Why the hell would he let you be my vice-captain?" He threw the badge back at her.
She caught it and raised her chin. "My honored brother recognizes my skills."
Renji coughed again. "Sheasked," he said in the middle of it.
"She WHAT?"
"RENJI!"
Ichigo spun and pointed furiously at him. "How long have you known about this?!"
Renji grinned a little, backing away. "I, uh… you know, I think I should be going, I have… captainy things to do." He bolted through the door, laughing and slamming it behind him as Ichigo lunged for him.
"GET BACK HERE! RENJI!" Ichigo shouted, but didn't follow him out of the office. Not a complete idiot after all.
Renji stopped halfway through the main room and looked at Hanatarou. "Gonna stay for the show?'
"H-huh?"
Renji dropped onto the couch in the middle of the room and waved Hanatarou over.
"What are you looking at!" Ichigo's voice came bellowing through the door.
"I don't know why you're so surprised," Rukia replied, not nearly as loud. "Who else do you think would put up with you?"
Hanatarou sat down delicately, twisting his hands together, as Renji sprawled over the back of the couch, getting a comfortable view of the door into the private office.
"Put up - anyone would be honored to be in my division! Maybe it's that Ukitake was tired of putting up with YOU."
Renji looked at Hanatarou, who looked back, wide-eyed. Dumbass Ichigo, Renji thought.
"If you would prefer someone else," Rukia said icily, "there were other candidates."
"Shut up," Ichigo said, and they heard his footsteps moving across the room, away from the door. "You actually asked your brother to…"
"It was past time he let me do the work my abilities are suited to." She still sounded prim, but not icy. Stupid Ichigo getting away with everything.
"Well. Yeah. That's good. But Rukia."
"…What?"
"Why the hell didn't you TELL ME?!"
Renji snickered. That part was not getting old anytime soon.
She laughed. "And miss that look on your face?"
"Bitch."
Renji glanced at Hanatarou, who smiled nervously. He was vaguely annoyed by his urge to reassure the kid, but grinned crookedly at him anyway. "That's pretty much that," he said quietly. Hanatarou nodded.
"My brother took a long time considering his decision," Rukia said after a moment, and there was a low squeak of wood on wood. She sat back down, Renji guessed, looking at the closed screen door again. "I didn't want you to do anything stupid to mess it up."
"What, like kicking his ass again?" There was a grin in his voice.
"Ichigo." And a suppressed smile in hers.
"I believe that's 'Captain Kurosaki' to you now." A thunk, knuckles on a desk.
"You haven't been instated yet, moron." Renji could definitely hear her smirking now.
"Whatever. I'm your boss now."
"Not until you sign these forms."
"What forms?"
The faint sound of papers being shuffled, and then Ichigo said, "Got a pen?"
"If you ask that one more time I'm gonna kick your ass and you won't ever get to meet your damn vice-captain because you'll be bleeding to death in the street," Renji growled.
Ichigo snorted. "You're not even wearing Zabimaru."
Renji bared his teeth. "Yeah, and you suck at kidou."
"So do you!"
"But I don't suck as bad you, so accept it and shut the hell up about stupid shit you'll find out about in a few minutes anyways," Renji snapped. He didn't look at Ichigo. Hiding his unholy glee at keeping the kid in the dark was getting more difficult by the moment. This had better be worth it.
"I'd stop asking if everyone would stop being so damn evasive about it," Ichigo grumbled.
"Who's being evasive? You just keep asking pointless questions! Your ass better learn to just trust the damn Captain's Council." He grinned his trademark mean grin. "I'm on it, after all. Your vice-captain is the best person for the job." That was true, and Renji was so used to this argument now that he didn't have any - well, much - trouble keeping a straight face while he said it. "Why don't you ask about the layout of your offices, or -"
"Because they showed me the plans!" Ichigo snapped, looking at Renji like he was an idiot. Well, they'd see who the idiot was soon enough. "I signed them! Nobody's asked me to sign anything about my vice-captain."
"They will," Renji said, rolling his eyes. "You have to sign the promotion papers. And you can refuse to sign them if you really hate the person the council chose. Not the smartest thing to go against all the other captains first thing… and it's not like there's really anyone else you could choose, but technically. You do get the final say."
"Yeah," said Ichigo. "I know."
"Who knew you were such a control freak?"
"I'm not -"
"Whatever. Here we are." Renji gestured at the network of buildings just ahead of them. "Your division offices."
Ichigo didn't even pause to inspect them - they did look pretty much like the offices of all the other divisions, Renji supposed. Ichigo went right for the entrance to the main office, sliding the door open and stepping inside.
The main room was mostly empty space, but there in center, struggling to push a couch into place, was -
"Hanatarou?" Ichigo said.
Hanatarou jumped. "Ichigo-san! I mean, Captain!" He looked reproachfully at Renji. "Captain Abarai said you wouldn't be here until noon!"
Renji shrugged. "I underestimated how annoying he would be."
Ichigo ignored him and looked at Hanatarou. "You're my vice-captain? I mean, it's cool, but why the hell didn't anyone -"
"No, no no no!" Hanatarou waved his hands frantically. "No, not me! I couldn't be - I'm honored just to be Ichigo-san's third seat!"
"Oh," Ichigo said. "Well. Great. He turned to glare at Renji. "I thought you said my vice-captain would be here already. He's late? That's not exactly promising."
"No, Vice-Captain is here!" Ichigo looked back at Hanatarou. "In - in the private office. Captain!" He gestured at a door on the far wall.
"Oh. Good. Thanks, Hanatarou. You really did transfer from the Fourth, huh?"
Hanatarou nodded.
"Cool. Nice to know there'll be someone in the division I actually know." Hanatarou looked questioningly at Renji - fortunately Ichigo didn't notice, so Renji was free to give Hanatarou the 11th division standard 'talk and you're dead' look. Just for old times' sake.
Ichigo dropped a hand absently on Hanatarou's shoulder as he passed him on the way to the door into his private office. Renji followed, winking at Hanatarou over his shoulder. Poor kid looked desperately confused. Renji resisted laughing at that, too.
"Rukia?" Ichigo said with not nearly enough surprise in his voice as Renji stepped through the open door. "What are you doing here?" Renji left the door open behind him.
Rukia looked up from her desk on the right side of the office.
"Where's my vice-captain?"
Renji had to look away and cough to hide his laughter. So that was why Ichigo didn't seem shocked. The dumbass was in for it now.
"Are you stupid?" Rukia demanded. Then she picked her badge up from where it lay on the desk and chucked it at Ichigo's head.
"OW." He caught the badge as it bounced off his forehead and held it up, stared at it for a second. Then his head snapped up and he yelled at Rukia, "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!"
"What does it look like, fool?" She folded her arms.
"No way are you my vice-captain!" Ichigo said, pointing at her with the hand holding her vice-captain's badge, straps of the arm band dangling.
"Of course I am! Why wouldn't I be?" She raised her eyebrows at him haughtily.
"Uh, because you're not even seated? Moron!"
Shit. Renji took a step back, toward the door. He wasn't sure whether to be more impressed by Ichigo's courage or his stupidity. Then he remembered it was the same thing.
"Are you implying I'm not strong enough?!" Rukia jumped to her feet, slamming her hands down on the desk.
"What - your asshole brother won't even let you be promoted to a seat! Why the hell would he let you be my vice-captain?" He threw the badge back at her.
She caught it and raised her chin. "My honored brother recognizes my skills."
Renji coughed again. "Sheasked," he said in the middle of it.
"She WHAT?"
"RENJI!"
Ichigo spun and pointed furiously at him. "How long have you known about this?!"
Renji grinned a little, backing away. "I, uh… you know, I think I should be going, I have… captainy things to do." He bolted through the door, laughing and slamming it behind him as Ichigo lunged for him.
"GET BACK HERE! RENJI!" Ichigo shouted, but didn't follow him out of the office. Not a complete idiot after all.
Renji stopped halfway through the main room and looked at Hanatarou. "Gonna stay for the show?'
"H-huh?"
Renji dropped onto the couch in the middle of the room and waved Hanatarou over.
"What are you looking at!" Ichigo's voice came bellowing through the door.
"I don't know why you're so surprised," Rukia replied, not nearly as loud. "Who else do you think would put up with you?"
Hanatarou sat down delicately, twisting his hands together, as Renji sprawled over the back of the couch, getting a comfortable view of the door into the private office.
"Put up - anyone would be honored to be in my division! Maybe it's that Ukitake was tired of putting up with YOU."
Renji looked at Hanatarou, who looked back, wide-eyed. Dumbass Ichigo, Renji thought.
"If you would prefer someone else," Rukia said icily, "there were other candidates."
"Shut up," Ichigo said, and they heard his footsteps moving across the room, away from the door. "You actually asked your brother to…"
"It was past time he let me do the work my abilities are suited to." She still sounded prim, but not icy. Stupid Ichigo getting away with everything.
"Well. Yeah. That's good. But Rukia."
"…What?"
"Why the hell didn't you TELL ME?!"
Renji snickered. That part was not getting old anytime soon.
She laughed. "And miss that look on your face?"
"Bitch."
Renji glanced at Hanatarou, who smiled nervously. He was vaguely annoyed by his urge to reassure the kid, but grinned crookedly at him anyway. "That's pretty much that," he said quietly. Hanatarou nodded.
"My brother took a long time considering his decision," Rukia said after a moment, and there was a low squeak of wood on wood. She sat back down, Renji guessed, looking at the closed screen door again. "I didn't want you to do anything stupid to mess it up."
"What, like kicking his ass again?" There was a grin in his voice.
"Ichigo." And a suppressed smile in hers.
"I believe that's 'Captain Kurosaki' to you now." A thunk, knuckles on a desk.
"You haven't been instated yet, moron." Renji could definitely hear her smirking now.
"Whatever. I'm your boss now."
"Not until you sign these forms."
"What forms?"
The faint sound of papers being shuffled, and then Ichigo said, "Got a pen?"