(no subject)
panic at the disco, 1992 - 2006
care bear countdown
brendon urie, 1885 words
-- who's that comin from somewhere up in the sky? moving fast and bright as a firefly; just when you think the trouble's gonna pounce who's gonna be there when it really counts? do the care bear countdown!
By the age of five, Brendon Urie is able to unbutton a crisp, starch ridden white dress shirt to reveal a Braveheart t-shirt underneath quicker than you can do the Care Bear countdown.
You see, when Brendon was younger, he used to Care Bear Stare anyone that got in his way.
It comes in handy nowadays when Jon says something like, "If you don't start singing that right, I'm gonna Brent Wilson you." Brendon scowls his signature jaw clenching, eyebrow furrowing scowl and before his brain can process what he's doing, his shirt is unbuttoned and he's clutching at ruffles, glowering at Jon.
"Uh, what are you doing?" Jon asks, and Brendon just laughs it off, muttering under his breath, embarrassed.
When Spencer changes the CD that's playing, claiming, "You gotta stop listening to that crap around me, nobody likes Avenged Sevenfold," Brendon is able to control his actions. But the constant remote thievery that goes on gets a bit annoying, because nobody likes Fleetwood Mac (in Brendon's opinion) or at least, nobody should.
"Seriously," Brendon snaps at him one day, "If you change the CD one more time, you're gonna be Elisa Schwartz-ed. Why can't you just listen to music in the other room? Or on your iPod, for that matter? "
Spencer sits down and takes the remote right out of Brendon's hand. "Because this annoys you more," he says smugly, and changes the CD.
Brendon can't help himself. He unbuttons his shirt angrily until Jon puts a hand on his shoulder. "Dude," he says calmly. "You gotta stop showing us your nipples."
A little colder now that his shirt is open, Brendon suddenly wishes that he had that Braveheart t-shirt on, wondering hopefully if it would still fit.
It's something he does unconsciously, barely even realizing it until it's happened, and yeah, it can be a bit humiliating at times.
Only his family really understands it, and he'd like to keep it that way. They're the only ones who have witnessed it, and unfortunately for Brendon, he thinks his mom might have video taped one particular traumatizing occurance. Still, it's better that only they know. He might sound a little crazy warning people that if they piss him off he and a dozen of his animal-like friends will shoot rainbows out of their chests and then flee the scene in a cloud car.
-
When he is five and a half, Brian steals his last perfect cube of cherry jello right from the spoon about to helicopter its way into Brendon's mouth, that smarmy bastard (is what Brendon would say now). Back then he just gasps, appalled, and whips open his shirt.
Care Bear Stare.
"I'm immune," his brother chuckles, leaving the kitchen with a smug grin and Brendon's jello cube.
-
When he is six and one quarter, Karanell tells him flat out that she doesn't want to play with him. "You're being really annoying right now, Boyd," she yells back at him as she walks away. Her careful use of his middle name wounds him at first.
"But-- but I love you, Nani," he pouts, holding out two teddy bears that are about to have a duel to the death.
"Annoying!" she sing-songs from the kitchen, and that's when it happens. Brendon throws down both bears and storms in after her, pulls his shirt open (he still hasn't changed out of his Sunday school clothes) and starts the countdown.
Five. "Oh not this again." Four. Three. "You are so lame, Brendon." Two! One!
Care Bear Stare.
-
When he is six and seven eighths, his mother turns the video camera on and giggles from behind the lens. "I think he's going to do it," she whispers.
"Brendon," his father says sternly, though there is a smile aching to spread across his lips. "You have to go to sleep now, it's way past your bedtime." He starts picking up toys and books, putting them in their rightful places. Brendon pouts, shakes his head furiously and looks as though he's about to have a temper tantrum.
"I'm not going to bed, there's a monster in my closet and it wants to EAT ME ALIVE! Do you want me to be eaten alive?" he asks, dramatically, and the camera shakes because his mom is laughing.
"There's nothing in your closet," his father sighs. "Now get up there and go to sleep."
That does it. Brendon throws his favourite teddy bear-- the one wearing a stylish jacket to match his top hat-- bodily at the ground and unbuttons the top button of his pajama shirt. "I'm not going," he says slowly, quietly, somewhat threateningly. "You can't make me."
His dad shakes his head and his mom shakes the camera again, balancing it in one hand so she can cover her laughing mouth with the other. "Brendon Boyd Urie, I'm giving you five seconds to get upstairs and fall asleep or there will be consequences."
It's a showdown, Brendon decides, unbuttons another button while his father starts.
"Five." One more. "Four, three." Brendon shakes his head and quickly does the rest. By the time his dad finishes the countdown ("Two, I'm serious, One!") his shirt is held open by tiny hands and he's screamed the words.
"Care Bear Stare!"
For a moment, nothing happens, but then his father gasps, touches the palm of his hand to his own chest and stares, wide eyed, at his son. His feet move backwards, he topples over the couch and lays motionless.
The camera shakes.
"Daddy?" Brendon whispers, and a groan comes from behind the couch. "Daddy?!" Brendon runs over to his father and pokes him in the side.
"Brendon," Boyd whispers, weakly. "How many times do I have to tell you, you shouldn't do that! Someone could get seriously hurt."
-
"Hey, what are you guys doing?" Brendon asks, and Ben walks casually to the door, folds his arms over his chest and shrugs. "Is everyone in the living room? We were gonna go to Ryan's house."
His brothers stutter a stream of overlapping half words, all Oh's and Um's and nervous laughter.
"We wanted to talk to you!" Brad yells. "About, about-- you know, the thing, that's really important, that thing that Benjamin's going to tell you about, right?" He smiles maniacally and Ben stumbles over something to say.
He settles on, "Audrey!" And nods in this weird, frantic way. "We're going to talk to you about Audrey."
Brendon shakes his head. "Good night!-- ("Language!") --No way is that gonna happen, man." And then it dawns on him. "Wait," he says. "What's going on in there?" He moves towards the door but Ben is standing in front of it like a guard dog, and behind him, Brad is tensely walking toward them, mumbling something about how it's not safe to go into the living room right now.
The door opens just as Brendon makes a frantic leap for the handle and Brad holds him back, tackles him to the floor and practically smushes him into the kitchen tile. Brian stares at the scene before him with raised eyebrows but chooses not to comment on it.
"Your friends and your girlfriend are watching you walk around the backyard naked in that cute little video from when you were four," he smiles at the look of horror on Brendon's face. "You know the one."
Brendon tries to squirm out of Brad's grip but fails, only managing to turn over and unzip his hoodie. "I'm going to kill all of you," he declares, but they just laugh.
Brian, who should be the mature one, really, says, "You're seriously still doing that?"
-
"Lay off my Red Bull," Ryan scoffs at him one day. "That's your second one today and if you drink any more, I'm totally Tom Conrad-ing you. You'll be Jack Marin-ed, Pete Doherty-ed, John Nolan-ed."
Brendon's fingers grow restless when they're not busy with buttons, but he's trying to control himself. "John left the band," he snaps, attempting to ignore Ryan who walks over to the fridge and pulls out a cherry flavoured Capri Sun.
The last cherry flavoured Capri Sun.
Brendon's last cherry flavoured Capri Sun.
Ryan sticks a straw in and takes a sip. Suddenly, Brendon is five years old again. He stands up and unbuttons his shirt quicker than Ryan is able to lift his head in surprise. Before he can think to be rational, Brendon closes his eyes and screams, "Care Bear Stare," sticking his chest out to reveal a Hugs and Tugs t-shirt he found in a thrift store last week.
Ryan makes a noise between a startled gasp and a yelp and falls to the floor, motionless.
"Ryan?" Brendon's voice trembles to no reply, his hands letting go of his shirt. "Ryan!" He rushes over and turns Ryan's body over on the ground.
Ryan coughs weakly but he smirks, a hint of sarcastic warning in his voice when he says, "You shouldn't do that, Brendon, someone could get seriously hurt."
In a flash of a shocked expression and a cloud car, Brendon pulls his shirt back again.
--
i wrote this on march 8th, 2007 in my ethics class, instead of taking notes. it was in a notebook i found a few days ago, sigh. i also searched far and wide about appropriate mormon television shows, but found nothing about care bears so i am going to assume it's okay-- i mean, come on, it's care bears. also, my knowledge of brendon urie's life makes me an obsessed stalker, i know. i imagine him as the type of mormon kid that nikki's kids are (on big love), but with a cuter bowl cut and not as many siblings.
also, the good night thing? totally mormon swear words.