[LJI 9-7: No True Scotsman] My Inner Scotsman
I've always dealt poorly with criticism. A little bit of pushback and I have a tendency to crumple like a paper cup. I think most of that is because, deep inside, my inner critic is already hard at work setting up the arguments so when I hear them I already know they're right. It doesn't matter what I come up with to try to fight it, the little bastard always has a response.
"You're not a real admin, or a real programmer. You're just faking it."
But I've been doing this for sixteen years! And four years of formal education before that- I'm one of the few people out there working in the field they studied for. And I do it well, even the software vendor was surprised with what I could do with their data.
"You didn't graduate. You took the first job you found, and you're still there after everyone else has moved on to something better. And in the end, you generate spreadsheets. Seriously, spreadsheets."
I *almost* graduated, enough to be an alumni member so I count that. And most got laid off, while I've survived here. And spreadsheets are simplified results of complicated calculations that people depend on to make decisions around here!
"So… no degree."
no.
"And you really believe you survive because you do well, and not because you're the last one around?"
no.
"And your work's so important they make sure you have everything you need to do your job?"
no…
"Oh, and while we're at it, I've been meaning to say. You're not a real writer either."
I think I'm doing quite well as a writer!
"Oh good, I must have missed that letter from the publisher with your royalty check attached."
We'll no, no published novel yet. I've got two completed manuscripts though that I'm rewriting, and I've gotten lots of good, positive feedback on them.
"Too short. Niche genres. And all your feedback is from people you're friends with."
Not all of it, I got to the second round of ABNA and the second stage feedback was good!
"Congrats, you got confirmation you can write 300 words well. And some consolation prize reviews saying you were good but not good enough. That and your amazing short story sales record will definitely get you to the big times!"
Ok, no short story sales, but every rejection has been a personal response which is good!
"Wasn't one of those responses a two word 'No thanks.' half an hour after you submitted it?"
Yeah.
"And the rest were… I believe… rejection letters. Right? Pretty, positive… rejection letters."
yeah.
"Soooo… no acceptance letters? Nothing? Just a couple people patting you on the head and telling you you did good?"
yeah…
In the end I usually get past all this, and manage to convince myself that moping on the couch is just a way of proving my inner critic right so I need to keep working at everything. I remember that I'm a top performer every year and pull off miracles at work so I am a real admin and a real programmer, and that I write and improve and desire to keep doing so, and that's what makes me a real writer. But deep down inside, my inner Scotsman will always be wearing his drawers.
"You're not a real admin, or a real programmer. You're just faking it."
But I've been doing this for sixteen years! And four years of formal education before that- I'm one of the few people out there working in the field they studied for. And I do it well, even the software vendor was surprised with what I could do with their data.
"You didn't graduate. You took the first job you found, and you're still there after everyone else has moved on to something better. And in the end, you generate spreadsheets. Seriously, spreadsheets."
I *almost* graduated, enough to be an alumni member so I count that. And most got laid off, while I've survived here. And spreadsheets are simplified results of complicated calculations that people depend on to make decisions around here!
"So… no degree."
no.
"And you really believe you survive because you do well, and not because you're the last one around?"
no.
"And your work's so important they make sure you have everything you need to do your job?"
no…
"Oh, and while we're at it, I've been meaning to say. You're not a real writer either."
I think I'm doing quite well as a writer!
"Oh good, I must have missed that letter from the publisher with your royalty check attached."
We'll no, no published novel yet. I've got two completed manuscripts though that I'm rewriting, and I've gotten lots of good, positive feedback on them.
"Too short. Niche genres. And all your feedback is from people you're friends with."
Not all of it, I got to the second round of ABNA and the second stage feedback was good!
"Congrats, you got confirmation you can write 300 words well. And some consolation prize reviews saying you were good but not good enough. That and your amazing short story sales record will definitely get you to the big times!"
Ok, no short story sales, but every rejection has been a personal response which is good!
"Wasn't one of those responses a two word 'No thanks.' half an hour after you submitted it?"
Yeah.
"And the rest were… I believe… rejection letters. Right? Pretty, positive… rejection letters."
yeah.
"Soooo… no acceptance letters? Nothing? Just a couple people patting you on the head and telling you you did good?"
yeah…
In the end I usually get past all this, and manage to convince myself that moping on the couch is just a way of proving my inner critic right so I need to keep working at everything. I remember that I'm a top performer every year and pull off miracles at work so I am a real admin and a real programmer, and that I write and improve and desire to keep doing so, and that's what makes me a real writer. But deep down inside, my inner Scotsman will always be wearing his drawers.