Once More, with Feeling
I am absolutely sick to my stomach at the thought of Upscale closing. I had always expected this day to come, but I did not expect it to go down like THIS. I figured it would be a money issue, over low sales and lack of business. But according to my sister, who was just there two Saturdays ago, the place is still rockin'. It's not about being "put out" of business - it's about being sold while it's hot.
I have not slept much since I heard this information from Karen. They go to the city council today to see if Ron Jefferies and his cohort Mark Camaro get the liquor license. If they do, Upscale is gone. It makes me sick to my stomach to know all that hard work I put into that place was for nothing. And I'm not talking about spinning. I'm talking about the six months I spent up there beforehand, on my own time, with Richard Pope, Dwight & Karen Robertshaw putting that club together piece by piece. I am talking about the 100 times I pulled the ladder out and changed a light on the dancefloor. I am talking about the fiberglass still under my skin from putting up insulation in the roof. Or the many times I spent my day off in my overalls cutting the grass or picking up the parking lot. The nights in the rain fixing the roof, the nights after my day job going to decorate, hanging random shit from the ceiling. Pulling out that damned money machine. Putting up Christmas lights in the freezing cold around the whole building. Moving furniture. If Upscale had a "best boy", a "gopher", I was it. If there was heavy lifting to be done, I did it. Bitter? Hell yes I am. My job there involved MUCH more than playing music - and most of the time, it was on my OWN time. I gave up relationships and lost two best friends (Link & KidVamp) deciding to work there and devoting all of my time to it (our hang time went to ZERO), and while I was wrong for that, now it just makes me feel completely stupid. It makes me question if I took the right path in life - if I should be doing what I'm doing even now.
And what does this mean for the rest of Huntsville? Of course, Ozz will do better now. But at what price? The booking fee for entertainers (drag queens) is sure to go down. No one's job will be secure anymore, because there will be another 12 waiting to fill it. All I can say to them is - you had better be "yes-girls". Because if you don't like how things are done and you start a stink - you are now easily replaced. You had better keep the powers-that-be on your good sides. Things will go back to the old Vieux Carre days when it had the monopoly on the gay business and could charge what they want for drinks and cover, and make up any silly rules they wanted, treat you as badly as they wanted because there was nowhere else to go. And when you piss off someone who works there, well, I guess you aren't going to have much of a choice on where to go anymore. This is not the future. This is back-peddling to 10 years ago. I was there.
And there's still Insomnia, but closing on Sunday and bringing in straight breaks DJs while no longer booking circuit djs from around the way, plus with Axis closing and the need for a new straight techno bar - that's not very promising for the gay people of Huntsville. Sure, "everything goes" is fun for a while, but eventually that wears away. Call me old fashioned, but I like to be around my own kind - - where I know I can hold my lover's hand and am welcome to do so. I'm not trying to sound like an activist and I like straight people, I really do. But I can't go into their 1,000,000 bars and kiss my boyfriend without getting killed. I really hate it when the management takes the pussy way out (instead of doing a little work or thinking or change -to appeal to the gay crowd) - and says "everything goes" to make a dollar. But I guess they got their launch with the gay community and it was enough; they are now done with us.
And the most hurtful thing out of all this is wondering what will become of my family there. The staff WAS my family for 5 and some years. Karen was my big sister. She used the hell out of me, but I won't lie - - I reaped the benefits of having her on my side. When I needed money, she was the bank. When I needed a lift, she was my ride. When I needed someone to stand up for me, she was my hero. When a relationship went bad, she was my counselor. I can not count the number of times I spent the night there because I didn't have anywhere else to go. That woman has more dirt on me than anybody I know, and I offered it to her, freely - - because I know it would never go anywhere. To hear her cry over the phone broke my heart. To hear about how she's being treated - makes my blood boil. You don't spend 16 years of your life busting your ass just to be told you can be the house-bitch/janitor. She should have gotten some kind of package just for dealing with his brat-ass geeked-out spoiled-rotten children. I can not count the number of times I blew up on her and quit. But she always made sure I got my job back when I was ready for it. I'm so worried for her, as she just bought a house and car last year - and will now be unemployed. I feel like my hands are tied and there is nothing I can do for her. It really touches me that I was one of the first people she thought to call, after being gone a year, and feel terrible that there's nothing I can do about it except call some random city council member and gripe.
And DJ Shelle, who I *think* I gave a proper send-off to spin on her own - where in the world will she end up? Did she get to this point for nothing? Cedaria, who single-handly took the back room and turned into a drag palace out of her own purse. I guess Bazel will be alright, but it won't be the same not having him behind that bar. Where in the hell will Theresa work? What happens when you're 50 and you lose the only job you've ever known?
I know at this point I'm beating a dead horse, or...excuse me..a dead PLUSH HORSE...but to me, it's like my grandfather dying all over again. The link that kept us together has suffered it's final blow and it's about to die. I realize I had nothing to do with it -- this had nothing to do with me - - I still feel somewhat responsible and guilty for not being there. I'm sure the application for the liquor license will pass - Karen has given the residents around the club every reason to believe that a bar CAN operate quietly and peacefully in their midst. What a surprise the neighbors have in store, when Ron Jefferies gets this club. I give it 6 weeks before someone is shot. He didn't even put his name on the application because he KNOWS it would never fly - - he used Mark Camaro's name and "R2Z, Inc."...what a sneaky bastard. I doubt anybody will even show to the meeting that could make a difference, because we always believe someone else is taking care of it. Isn't that always the case when you try to get people involved?
I'm going to end my rant here. I could go on for days about this and I'm exhausted. I'm going to make a phone call to the city council, but I doubt it will do any good since I am no longer a resident of Huntsville and my name was on payroll for the entire last year. But I'll do what I can. You have to keep fighting some fights, even when you know you are going to lose. I guess I'll know by 4:30 this afternoon and can put it to rest either way. I just want to focus on getting moved and settled with my husband...I consider myself lucky that WE still have a place to go where we can be together. But this whole ordeal makes me question exactly just how long that will last, as well.