Just A Little Twist
(xiuhan, pg13, drama/romance, nonAU, 2.8k)
Luhan has always dreamed of the perfect romance, but he is not sure he'll get it.
***
Just A Little Twist
Since a young age, Luhan had hoped to one day experience for himself the kind of love his parents shared with each other. They had often told him the story of how they had fallen in love after being just friends for more than six years. And finally, Luhan felt it happening to himself as well... just with a tiny little aspect about it that didn't quite fit into his perfect picture of his future relationship.
The friend that made his heart beat like crazy and his silly smile turn even more silly was none other than his fellow band member Minseok. A guy.
Luhan didn't quite know what to think of this unexpected twist yet. The moment he had noticed that his feelings for Minseok had long become way more than that of normal friendship, he had not been able to bring himself to do anything against it because despite those feelings being inappropriate, they made him very happy. The look in Minseok's eyes when the two of them gazed at each other for a little too long sometimes told him that his friend was probably not feeling any different either. The I-am-still-not-too-deep-into-him line had long been crossed and Luhan knew that there was no turning back any longer. He was in love with Minseok and Minseok was in love with him and that was probably how it always had been supposed to turn out. He decided that he was not going to stop himself from having those feelings, but he hadn't quite been able to see through Minseok yet.
Minseok is a very nice and open kind of person but every time the subject of same-sex relationships came up he would turn suspiciously quiet and have that frown on his forehead. It was so unlike his usual accepting-self that made Luhan realize that Minseok must have a problem with his own sexuality - and Luhan was not going to get the sweet kind of romance he had always dreamed of if his partner wasn't going to be okay with them both being guys. So Luhan knew that it was quite selfish of him when he approached Minseok one evening, planning to take their relationship to the next level despite Minseok obviously not being ready to even admit his feelings to himself.
"I know what your problem is," Luhan said, having decided not to beat around the bush and get straight to business. He sat down next to Minseok who was munching on some gummy bears.
"Really? Enlighten me," he had that smug grin on his face and Luhan knew that Minseok was not expecting what was to come.
"You are in love with me."
None of them had foreseen the icy and uncomfortable atmosphere coming the moment Luhan had let out those words and Minseok's eyes had widened in indescribable horror.
It was only then that Luhan realized how extremely stupid his plan had been. Minseok was struck dumb with fear and Luhan had never felt so sorry in his life.
"No," Luhan started, having no idea how to take those words back, "I mean..." To his utter surprise, Minseok covered his mouth with a hand smelling of gummy bears and looked at him straight in the eyes.
"Don't..."
Luhan thought that was all Minseok was going to say, but he was so wrong.
"Don't ever talk about that again."
That's when Luhan felt the warmth of Minseok's hand leaving his mouth and the small guy stood up and left the room, leaving behind only the sweet smell of gummy bears.
~
That night, Luhan tried to get on terms with the fact that he was not going to have his sweet little romance with Minseok and that he was probably not going to have anything with Minseok ever again. He was sure that this one sentence ruined everything there has ever been between them. Minseok would ignore him and nothing could make it any worse. But again, he was wrong.
The next day, as he entered the kitchen, he found Minseok smiling at him and passing him his favorite koala cup filled with his favorite light brown liquid. Their fingers brushed like they usually did and Luhan watched Minseok's expression. Cold. Fake. Hurt. Afraid.
"Two cubes of sugar, just the way you like it," the older male said, still wearing a fake smile on his lips. Then he turned around again to continue scrubbing some plates.
No, Luhan had been wrong. This was way worse.
~
It didn't even take a whole day for the other members to smell something fishy about Minseok and Luhan, who were usually all over each other. At lunch, Luhan caught Lay's eyes gazing from him to Minseok and again back to him. But before Lay could open his mouth and ask what was going on, Luhan had given him a death glare to shut him up.
He was alone in his room, mindlessly skimming through a Chinese magazine when Lay entered the room and closed the door behind him. He approached Luhan and before he could say anything, Luhan sighed desperately and for the first time let it all out. Lay's presence next to him on the bed made him unable to hold back his emotions as he sobbed into his hands.
"I screwed up," he whined, tears running down between the fingers covering his eyes and ugly sobbing sounds leaving his mouth. "I didn't mean to frighten him like that... I screwed up so bad."
The warm hand on his back didn't make it any better but Luhan was glad that he was not alone. He knew that Lay probably wouldn't be able to help him, but still, he felt a bit of hope, seeing that Lay still treated him like a friend, not judging him after Luhan had finished telling him with what intentions he had approached Minseok the day before.
"It's not as bad as you may think it is," Lay said after Luhan had calmed down a bit and wiped the tears from his face.
"You didn't see his face. The way he looked at me yesterday... you didn't see it," and Luhan wished he hadn't either.
"No, but I know the face he usually looks at you with. He's crazy about you and even if you shouldn't have driven him into a corner like that, what you said is true and Minseok knows that."
"Maybe it's not true anymore... maybe after yesterday his feelings changed," Luhan wanted Lay to tell him no, but instead he got an understanding smile and a pat on the shoulder.
"I really don't think so," but he didn't know for sure, was what this meant in Luhan's ears.
Lay left him alone, telling him to give Minseok some time to calm down and think about his own emotions. But instead of feeling better about it, Luhan felt the world crumbling around him a little more.
If Lay was right about giving Minseok some time, how long was he supposed to wait? There was one thing Luhan knew for sure at that moment and that was the fact that he was not going to be able to bear this for a long time.
~
It took Minseok days, weeks to act normal around Luhan again, and even after two months of the two of them keeping quiet about it, Luhan felt Minseok's body stiffen every time the two of them were alone for some reason. Minseok's smiles weren't so fake anymore and sometimes he seemed to forget about it completely, but Luhan never did.
Lay had apparently tried to talk to Minseok about what had happened, which had ended in Minseok being cautious around Lay as well and that again had ended in Lay refusing to talk to Luhan about it because he had already interfered more than he should have.
Luhan was at a loss on what to do. He was not quite ready to accept the fact that everything was just over now.
So he did it again. Sadness and despair paining him, he approached Minseok who had just come out of the shower. Minseok looked startled to see Luhan leaning against the wall next to the bathroom, obviously having waited for him to come out.
"Did you need to use the bathroom? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you knock," Minseok said, making space for Luhan to pass. He swallowed hard when he saw Luhan looking at him, a firm gaze in his eyes.
"Let's talk in your room," Luhan said and was quite surprised by Minseok's immediate answer.
"I don't think that's a good idea."
Luhan had been sure that Minseok would pretend that he didn't know what this was about, but he didn't. He was returning Luhan's gaze and meaning every word of what he said.
"Sorry, but I don't care what you think," Luhan said harshly and grasped Minseok by the wrist, catching the older boy by surprise.
He dragged Minseok inside his room and closed the door behind him. Minseok looked at his reddened wrist in shock and then back at Luhan, obviously not having expected him to be so serious about this.
"Luhan, I really don't want to tal-"
"You don't need to talk. Just listen then," Luhan said and Minseok was about to say that he didn't want to listen either but with Luhan locking the door from the inside and putting the key into his pocket, Minseok was left with no choice.
"I know very well that I shouldn't have done what I did. I've always known that your sexuality is a huge problem for you and being that bold about it was stupid and insensitive of me, I know!" Luhan was talking at an increasing volume and it surprised even himself. "But let me tell you what I wasn't able to tell you last time."
Pacing to and fro, Minseok was obviously uncomfortable with the situation but he didn't try to shut Luhan up either, which would have confused Luhan if he hadn't been totally disctracted by the burst of emotion running through his whole body.
"You are in love with me and so am I with you! I want you to be with me, not as a friend but as something more." Luhan watched the way Minseok's eyes widened in shock the moment he had admitted his feelings for him but he kept on talking anyway. "That day... I approached you because I wanted to tell you how I feel. I wanted to ask you to be more than a friend... I just..." Luhan sighed at his own words. "There really is nothing wrong about loving a guy, Minseok. It's okay to love me and it's okay for me to love you. It's also okay for the two of us to be together and screw everyone who tells us otherwise!" He shouted the last words to make sure that the message would be received. "I'm really sorry that I have to be that bold about it again but I really think you need to hear this now, otherwise we will just keep on being weird around each other even though we could be happy and enjoy our time together. There really is no problem with what we are feeling. We just happened to fall for each other and there is absolutely nothing wrong about that. So..." Luhan got quiet again, watching Minseok carefully who had long lowered his gaze and was staring at his toes. "I'm not asking you to go out with me immediately, but please - as cheesy as this may sound - listen to your heart and come to me."
It was only when Luhan had stopped an inch away from Minseok's still-wet body that the older guy looked up at him with a slightly opened mouth.
Luhan was sure that he must have somehow gotten through to Minseok and he was about to caress older guy's cheek with a thumb, when Minseok whispered something.
"I can't."
The stab-like pain that he felt in his heart was hardly bearable. Luhan's face made a grimace, like he was physically in pain, when Minseok repeated those words.
"I can't."
"Then.." Luhan started and put his hands on Minseok's shoulders lightly, coming closer with his whole body. He lowered his head and pressed his lips against Minseok's ... warmth, sad warmth spreading through his whole body. "Then tell me that this is wrong. Tell me this is not right."
"I can't," Minseok sobbed, tears now running down his cheeks, his whole body trembling with Luhan's hands on his shoulders and the lingering feeling of Luhan's lips on his.
"Tell me you don't love me."
"I can't."
"Minseok..." Luhan was at a loss for words. He had no idea what to do, he hurt so much that it felt impossible to let go of Minseok at that moment but at the same time he couldn't keep on looking at him because he was causing him such pain. "Minseok... why?"
"Because..."
"Because what Minseok?"
Luhan knew that he wasn't going to get an answer and it made him go crazy. He felt tears threatening to spill when Minseok pressed his palms to his face, sobbing loudly.
"I know," Minseok managed to say in between loud sobs, face still hidden from Luhan and barely audible. "I know everything you said is right, but..."
"But what, Minseok?" Luhan nearly screamed. He was so mad at himself for screaming at Minseok who was already a mess of tears and snot, but he could not help letting out his despair on the person who was causing it.
Minseok kept quiet from then on, even when Luhan ripped his tiny hands from his face to look at him. He saw the pain and despair in his friend's eyes and he was about to just let go and leave the room because he couldn't handle it any longer, when Minseok wrapped his arms around Luhan, pressing his wet face against his neck.
Luhan made a little surprised sound at Minseok pressing his whole body against his and he could smell the vanilla shampoo from his still-wet hair.
"I want to be with you as well," Minseok said all of a sudden, voice still a little husky from all the sobbing. "But I can't promise that I won't doubt this relationship in the future. I will and it will make things hard for you."
"I don't care. I don't care," Luhan said, not believing his ears as he wrapped his arms around Minseok's shivering back and pressed him against his body with all his might.
"I will hurt you... and I might break up with you because I can't handle all this stress and hiding and guilt."
Luhan did care about that but he kept quiet because Minseok was not quite done with his speech yet.
"But if you promise not to give up on me, I can do this."
"I promise!" Luhan said desperately. "I will not give up on you, I will make you realize that this is not wrong. This is nothing to feel guilty about and at some point we won't have to hide it anymore either. I will show you, Minseok."
The two of them let go of each other, and Luhan looked into Minseok's eyes which in turn were gazing back at his.
Minseok was scared shitless about what was to come and Luhan felt him shivering in his arms the whole time. Luhan has no idea where Minseok's horrible fear comes from, but that didn't matter because he was going to make him forget and show him just how right this was. Luhan would show him that a romance like his parents' was not just possible between a woman and a man.
It was possible for them as well, because after all, all that mattered was that they loved each other.
"Promise you will take me back... even when I break up with you for the 5th time."
"Promise," Luhan said with a smile on his lips and he found Minseok smiling back at him a little.
He still couldn't quite believe it. He had to lean down and kiss Minseok again and see him not avoid it to believe that he had been able to make Minseok his. Finally.
And that was how Luhan's dream of a picture perfect romance came true after all. Just with a little twist to it.
_
the end.
i know that this sucks, but i haven't completed anything in a long time so i felt the need to upload it anyway.
xiuhan feels overload
thanks to my beta steveloveseric as well!!!!