i am not me without you.
how are you supossed to act after you lose half of you? half of your heart half of your thoughts.or when you lose what makes you sad. and what makes you happy. or when you lose the person who controls your emotions? i dont know. all i really know is. i wasnt depressed over losing him like i was when i lost neeka. and i know im not sorry for anything nor do i regret anything. but what happens when you cant block out the memories that come to mind when driving around the valley. or when that person is in your dream and you simply cant wake up. its not a nightmare. it seems so real.sometimes its only too good to be true.its falling hopes. but my hopes werent up in consciousness.how does that work. maybe i learned about this in psychology and forgot but why do i love something that hates me and never cared in the first place? why. i dunno.
why does it drive me crazy wondering if he thinks about me. and why did you have to tell me he posted about not being friends with me. why did some 04 kid have to post, and why do they ask what happened to me? do you realize this is the second time you've asked that you nitwit. i'm not sad. it doesnt make me sad no one does. i dont have you making me happy anymore though. i'm pretty much expressionless probably of daydreaming most of the time. never constantly there. i feel numb to my surroundings unless theyre making me happy. i dont even do the things i used to do anymore. i am not me without you. writing this post to get these thoughts out of my head, here i've become blank again, and here i go to think of the things that make me smile.
i love the way steve tackles me when i walk into a room and how kristen leaves me funny messages.
i love when matt calls me at 2 am just to talk cause he knows im awake. i love how he calls me to just sing me a songs.