(Untitled)

[dm7dragonfyre]

So why is it that all the documentation that is aimed to help you deal with self-hatred all like "BUT IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD HE WILL HELP YOU."

oh yeah? well, fuck god. I don't believe in god. now what.

I'm really not having a good week. And that awful little evil side of me is screaming at me and I almost dont even want it to stop. Not anymore.

Comments

[cat1028]

Laura, I love you, but even if you don't believe in God, don't curse Him because there are good people who do and take offense to it. I think you have been exposed to too many people whose God is so judgmental, so narrow-minded and so sadly, cruelly warped by imperfect people that perhaps you cannot see the love in the message behind all this information intended to help. I don't want to "save you from fiery Hell!" like some street-corner evangelist or make you hate gay people or astrology, because I don't think those are actually parts of believing. I find it sad that you do not believe simply because it is a comfort to know that someone is with you at all times, loving you, when it may feel like no one around cares. Of course, no one can change your mind for you. Even if you never believe in God, I still believe that He loves you, and I will love you in His place on this earth, though still knowing that can never live up to the love my Father can show.

[dm7dragonfyre]

No, you're right, and I was wrong to do that... i was just really angry, and very frustrated. As somebody who disbelieves in... not just Christian God but any god figure, and you're trying desperately to find a way to help yourself, it is very very frustrating when everything you try to find is either some form of conversion. I feel, occasionally, that saying "god makes it okay" is not really so helpful. I was looking for some sort of exercise, or tips even, on trying to instill self confidence. I've had self-hatred issues for years. And unfortunately, when I don't-- or in my case, i simply cannot-- believe in a God, when all i find is "just recieve His love" it is not helpful and makes it worse

[dm7dragonfyre]

about the full of love thing, also-- I do believe in love. I want that to be clear.

I took an understanding the bible class and it was so beautiful, honestly. Because the whole "god is love" thing was boiled down to, if you love, that is God. And I thought that was such a cool concept. I guess maybe I'm saying that i may not necessarily believe in the concepts of God that are produced by Christianity or any other various religions. But like I said... in one way, you could say that if i love, i believe in god. or... something like that.

Im making less and less sense... :P

[cat1028]

I totally understand how people saying just to sit back and receive love doesn't really help. It's kind of funny, really, because they make God sound like He wants you to be passive until some miracle happens and then you will be "all better." I think any Christian who has dealt with issues of self-hatred (including me) can tell you that is not the case. You have to actively seek out ways to show and receive love to be happy. Like surrounding yourself with friends, serving others (and this can even be making someone's day brighter by just saying "Hello"), and finding what truly makes you happy. I'm of the opinion that if what truly makes you happy is say, smoking marijuana, then hey, whatever (I think if people thought about it though they might realize there were more fun things). Happiness is hard work, and I don't think anyone should pretend otherwise; that only serves to make those who aren't always cheerful feel like there's something wrong with them when that is not the case.