Love Lost, Love Found - for annievh
Title: Love Lost, Love Found
Author: persikay
Recipient: annievh
Rating: PG
Summary: Danny is heartbroken when Elena leaves him. Can he ever be happy again?
Disclaimer: I don't own WaT or any of the characters.
Danny stepped into the apartment he had been living in with Elena and Sophie for a little over two months. Taking a deep breath, he set down his bag and looked around. It was good to come home after spending three days in another city on a case.
He frowned. Something was... different. For one thing, it was much too quiet. Usually, Sophie could be heard babbling when she was home. Danny took a few more steps into the apartment and called out.
“Elena? Sophie?”
“Hello, Danny.”
Danny turned and saw Elena standing in the doorway of their bedroom. He stepped towards her to greet her, but Elena held up her hands. Danny stopped in his tracks, frowning at the nervous look on her face.
“What's wrong, Elena? Where's Sophie?”
“She's with my mother,” Elena said and took a deep breath. “Danny, there's... there's something we need to talk about.”
Danny couldn't stop the sinking feeling in his stomach. Trying to keep his voice steady, he asked, “What's going on?”
“Danny, I... I don't know how to tell you this. I have to go away.”
“What... what do you mean?”
Elena gave him a pained look. “This... this whole situation with Carlos, I can't take it anymore. I need to get away.” She paused for a second. “Sophie and I are moving away from New York.”
Danny stared at Elena, trying to comprehend what she had just told him. That was when he realized what had felt so different about their apartment - all of Elena's furniture was missing and only Danny's was still in place. She had apparently used the time while he was away to move her things. He looked back at Elena, who was watching him anxiously.
“How... how long have you been planning this?” Danny asked her.
“Some time,” Elena admitted. “I meant to tell you about it, but... I just didn't know how. You've been so sweet, Danny, and I didn't want to hurt you.”
And yet she had done exactly that. Part of him wanted to step away, to let her go, but no, he wouldn't give up that easily. He couldn't just lose another person he loved. He moved towards Elena, taking her hands in his.
“It's okay, Elena, I understand that you need to get away. But you don't need to leave like this. Let me come with you.”
Elena looked at him for a moment with sad eyes, then she shook her head. “No, Danny. You belong here, in New York.”
“But I want to be with you!”
“I'm sorry, Danny. I... I just can't.” Elena gave Danny's hands a squeeze before pulling away. “Thank you for everything, Danny. But I need to go now.”
She picked up her bag and started towards the door. Danny wanted to run over there and hold her back, but he felt rooted to the spot. All he could do was hold out his hands and plead with her.
“Elena, please don't go. We can work this out together. Please.” He swallowed hard. “I love you.”
Elena looked back at him, smiling sadly. “I'm sorry, Danny, but this is the only way. Please don't try to find me.”
She reached the door, where she paused for a moment to throw one last glance at Danny. Then she was gone, the door clicking shut behind her. Danny was still rooted to the spot, staring at the door and not knowing what to do. There had been such finality in Elena's voice that Danny wasn't at all sure if there was anything he could do.
Slowly, he sank down on the couch and rubbed a hand over his face. It came away wet, and only then did he realize that he was crying. He curled his hand into a fist and pressed it against his mouth, trying to hold back the sobs that were threatening to escape him.
Why did this have to happen to him? Now, when he had finally had the courage to let someone into his heart, to fall in love? He always got hurt in the end. Always. Elena was no exception.
With a choked cry, Danny assaulted the cushion next to him, hitting it with his fists and then throwing it across the room. With his fist pressed against his mouth again, he rocked his body back and forth, trying to keep his world from crumbling apart.
~*~
Danny came into work late the next morning. The rest of the team - without Elena - was already seated around the conference table, listening to Jack briefing them about the missing person. Danny quickly slipped into his seat, suppressing a yawn and wishing there had been time to get a coffee first.
He had finally fallen into a restless sleep in the early hours of the morning, after spending the night replaying the conversation with Elena over and over in his head. He still couldn't quite grasp the fact that she had left him, and he had tried calling her several times to plead with her to come back, to think things over. But her cellphone was turned off, and there was no answer at her mother's house either.
Letting his eyes wander for a moment, Danny noticed that Elena's desk had been cleared. There was nothing that indicated that it had ever been occupied. Swallowing hard, Danny turned his attention back to Jack and tried to concentrate on what their boss was telling them.
The tasks were soon assigned, and Jack got up from the conference table. He gave Danny a disapproving glance before he went into his office. Danny watched him go. Jack hadn't mentioned Elena with one word, and he wasn't sure if he should be glad or angry about that.
He got up and went over to his own desk. He had been assigned to desk duty today, probably for coming into work late. With a sigh, he sat down and rubbed a hand over his tired eyes. When he looked back up, Martin was standing in front of his desk, giving him a reluctant smile.
“Jack told us this morning that Elena left New York. Are you...?”
But before Martin could finish his question, Sam had appeared by his side.
“Come on, Martin,” she urged him. “We need to get going.”
She paused long enough to give Danny a small smile, then she rushed off again, calling for Martin to follow her. Martin looked apologetically at Danny and shrugged.
“I'd better get going,” he said. “We'll talk later.”
Danny watched Martin follow Sam towards the elevator, and he was suddenly reminded of how he and Elena used to head out into the field together. He had to hold on to the edge of his desk as a new wave of despair swept over him. Why had she left him like that?
“Here,” he heard Vivian say, and when he looked up, she was holding out a mug of coffee to him. Danny accepted it with a nod of thanks, and Vivian leaned against his desk, scrutinizing him while he took a sip of his coffee.
“How are you doing?” she asked finally, and Danny swallowed down the lump in his throat.
“I'm fine.”
“Are you really? Because I don't think you are. Elena...”
Danny set the mug down on his desk with a thud, successfully interrupting Vivian.
“I said, I'm fine!”
“Danny...”
“No! Just leave me alone!”
Unable to take it any longer, Danny got up and stormed off towards the men's room, where he stood in front of one of the sinks and tried to get his breathing back under control. Clutching the sides of the sink, he stared into the mirror. He hadn't had time to shave that morning, and there were dark circles under his eyes from getting so little sleep. No wonder everyone was giving him concerned looks.
He splashed his face with cold water and already felt a little better. He was about to get back to work when a thought occurred to him. Elena couldn't have left her job just like that from one day to the next... which meant that she had to have told Jack about her plans. And Jack hadn't told him!
Seized by another bout of anger, Danny left the men's room and stormed into Jack's office. Jack looked up from the file he was reading, surprised to see him.
“Danny, what...?”
“You knew about it, didn't you? You knew that Elena was going to leave and you didn't tell me!”
Jack took off his reading glasses and set them down on top of the file. Looking at Danny and keeping his voice calm, he said, “Yes, Elena told me about her plans when she handed in her resignation a couple of weeks ago.”
“Then why didn't you tell me?” Danny asked, glaring at Jack. “You had no right to keep this from me!”
“Elena asked me not to tell anyone, not even you. It was up to her when and how to let you know,” Jack said matter-of-factly and after a short pause added, “I'm sorry, Danny.”
Danny snorted, not believing a word Jack said. How could he have kept something as important as that from him? Jack had probably sent him on that overnight trip on purpose, so Elena would have time to pack her things, Danny thought bitterly. He noticed that Jack was watching him, and glared back defiantly.
“Look,” Jack now said, “it was Elena's decision, and you're going to have to respect that. And I'm telling you now that you're not to try to locate her using FBI computers or contacts, do you hear me?” Jack waited for Danny to acknowledge that he had understood before he continued. “Really, I'm sorry, Danny, but unless Elena changes her mind about things, there's nothing you can do.”
He held Danny's gaze for a moment longer, then he put his reading glasses back on, looking down at the file he had been reading, and Danny knew that he had been dismissed. He left Jack's office and strode back to his desk, still angry at his boss for not telling him that Elena was going to leave.
As Danny stared at his computer screen, he contemplated just ignoring Jack's order and trying to find out about Elena's whereabouts. It would be easy - a credit card check would most likely provide him with enough information to guess where she was headed.
But he knew that doing so could also cost him his job, and Danny didn't want to lose the last thing in his life that gave him some stability. It also occurred to him that Elena had probably taken care not to leave too obvious traces, so it wouldn't be that simple to find her after all. Jabbing the keys on his keyboard with more force than necessary and muttering under his breath, Danny set to work on trying to track down the missing woman instead.
He focused on his task, trying to keep thoughts about Elena at bay and drinking one cup of coffee after another. He was staring at his computer screen so intently that he didn't notice Martin and Sam had returned until Martin dropped something on his desk.
“Brought you back a sandwich. I thought you might be hungry.”
Danny first stared at Martin, then at the sandwich, and clenched his teeth. The last thing he needed right now was Martin's or anyone else's pity!
Shoving the sandwich back at Martin, he growled, “You can keep your stupid sandwich. I'm not hungry!”
Then he turned back to his computer screen once more. Out of the corner of his eyes he noticed Martin shrugging helplessly into Vivian's direction, and that only made Danny clench his teeth even more. No, he definitely didn't want their pity.
The day ended well enough, they found the missing woman - she had simply wanted to take a day off from her family and had neglected to tell anyone about it, but Danny couldn't really feel happy about it. The prospect of going home to a cold and empty apartment didn't exactly cheer him up.
He tried calling Elena again when he got home in the evening, but he still couldn't reach her. Throwing his phone into the opposite corner of the couch, Danny got up and started pacing the apartment. He asked himself the same question over and over again - why had Elena left him? Why did everyone he loved always end up leaving him? What had he ever done to deserve such treatment?
Danny flopped back on the couch with a heavy sigh. Maybe he was better off if he never allowed himself to fall in love again. At least then he wouldn't get his heart broken over and over again...
~*~
Danny's mood didn't improve over the next couple of weeks. He spent the evenings and weekends in his apartment, either sitting on the couch and staring into space, or pacing around the living-room. His thoughts never strayed far from Elena. He still hadn't heard from her, nor had he been able to reach her cellphone, and he went from cursing her one minute to wishing she would just come back to him the next.
At work, he tried to focus on the cases they were working on, instead of letting his thoughts dwell on Elena and how she had broken his heart. But he couldn't keep his pain bottled up inside all the time and became increasingly short-tempered, snapping at each and everyone in his vicinity.
He tried to pay no attention to the sharp looks Jack gave him ever so often, and how the rest of the team seemed to be walking on eggshells around him. He kept ignoring their attempts to comfort him and to be nice to him - he didn't want or need their pity. Still, he noticed the way they were scrutinizing him when they thought he wasn't looking, and he knew exactly what those glances meant. They were trying to find out if he'd started drinking again.
And the truth was, he had thought about it during those lonely nights when he couldn't sleep and when he just wanted to forget. But so far, Danny had always been able to resist the lure of alcohol, determined not to sink that low. He went to an AA meeting at least twice a week now, and he talked to his sponsor a lot more often than he used to, but even those conversations couldn't make his heartache go away.
One day, almost exactly two weeks after Elena had left him, Danny was in a particularly bad mood, and it didn't help that they were getting nowhere on the case of a missing teenage girl. He and Martin were interviewing a suspect, a regular low-life, and when the guy kept denying any knowledge of the girl's whereabouts, Danny lost it completely. He grabbed the guy and slammed him against the wall of the interrogation room.
“You tell me where she is right now!”
“I have no idea what you're talking about,” the guy replied, and Danny would have slammed him against the wall again if Martin hadn't intervened.
Martin pulled Danny away and ushered him outside, where Jack was waiting for them. He had been watching the interview and judging from the look on his face, he wasn't happy with Danny's interviewing techniques. Well, Danny didn't care.
“Taylor, you wait in my office!” Jack ordered, then he went back into the room with Martin to continue the interrogation. Danny ran a hand through his hair, and when that didn't help to calm him down, he punched the wall next to the door. If only Martin had waited another minute, he would have extracted a confession from that slimy little bastard. Still fuming, Danny went up to Jack's office as he had been told.
After about 15 minutes, Jack finally came looking for him and closed the office door behind him. Pointing a finger at Danny, he said, “You keep acting like that and I'm going to suspend you from work!”
“You can't do that!” Danny protested, but Jack only gave him a sharp look.
“I can, and I will,” Jack snapped. “This is no way for a FBI agent to behave, and you know that. The guy just lawyered up and we're never going to get anything out of him now!” He took a deep breath and waited for a moment before he continued. “I'm sorry that Elena left you, but you can't let this interfere with your work. So you'd better get a grip on yourself. Understood?”
Danny clenched his teeth, but knew better than to protest. He gave Jack a jerky nod and left Jack's office to go back to his desk.
Martin was already back at his own desk, and he looked up with a smile when Danny walked past. But Danny chose to ignore him, he wasn't in the mood for a chat, especially now. He sat down at his desk, ignoring the dejected sigh coming from Martin, and pulled a stack of folders towards him. He had work to do.
~*~
When Danny sat on his couch again that night like so many nights before, eating his usual take-out food and thinking about the unfairness of life, he realized that the rent was due in a week. Suddenly not hungry anymore, Danny set his food aside and thought about what to do.
There was no way he could afford paying for this apartment alone, at least not if he still wanted to eat. But it was too late to look for a new apartment now, one week was just not enough time. Besides, he had signed the lease on the apartment for 6 months and didn't think he would be able to get out of it unless he found a suitable person to replace him.
The only solution Danny could come up with was to find a roommate, someone to share the rent with. He didn't like the thought of having to share his place with a stranger, but it seemed like there was nothing he could do about it.
Danny snorted and gave the take-out carton a push, not caring that it toppled over onto the floor and stained his carpet. Life really hated him right now.
~*~
The next day at the office started out slow. There was no new case, which meant they all had time to catch up on their paperwork, or in Danny's case, to find a roommate. He first had a look at the newspaper, reading the small ads of people who were looking to share an apartment, but none seemed to fit Danny's requirements.
Danny set down the newspaper with a sigh. It looked like he would have to place an ad himself, stating that he was looking for a roommate. He was about to sit down to begin typing, when he saw Sam and Martin coming back from a coffee run. They were talking, and Danny could overhear the last bit of their conversation.
“So you'll let me know if you hear anything?” Martin was asking Sam. She nodded and sat down at her desk.
“Sure.”
“Thanks,” Martin said with a smile, before making his way over to Danny's desk, placing a paper cup in front of him. “Brought you back some coffee, bro.”
Danny gave him a surprised look. He hadn't asked for a coffee, but it smelled delicious, and Danny picked up the cup to take a tentative sip. The coffee tasted just the way he liked it, and for the first time in weeks he felt like smiling. He looked back at Martin, who was perched on his desk, watching him.
“Thanks, Martin.”
“You're welcome. Hey, uhm, Danny, if you hear about any apartments for rent, could you please let me know? They're reconstructing my building, and I need to move out.”
“Oh, yeah, sure.”
“Great, thanks,” Martin said and gave him another smile. Then he went back to his own desk, leaving Danny to drink his coffee and trying to come up with a text for his ad.
Danny stared at his blank computer screen for a while, then he began to type. Wanted: Roommate. But he didn't know how to continue that ad, so he deleted what he'd written and tried again. FBI agent (male, 36 years old, slim build, non-smoker, non-drinker) is looking for someone to share his apartment with.
No, that was even worse than his first try. Danny grimaced and once more deleted what he'd written. He braced his head on one hand while he continued to stare at the computer screen, trying to come up with a better text. It was a lot harder than he thought. How the hell was he supposed to find a roommate when he couldn't even think of a simple ad?
He let his eyes wander around the room, hoping that would somehow spark an inspiration. Eventually, his gaze fell on Martin, who seemed completely engrossed in his paperwork, and Danny wanted to hit himself over the head for not thinking of it sooner.
Martin was looking for a new apartment, and Danny was looking for a roommate, so maybe if they moved in together... Danny shook his head. No, it was bad idea, there was no way they could live together in one apartment without driving each other crazy. Or was there?
The more Danny thought about it, the more he realized that he would much rather live together with Martin than with some stranger. At least with Martin he already knew a few of his oddities and bad habits. And it was only for a few months after all, they could move into separate apartments again after that.
Before he could change his mind again, Danny got up and walked over to Martin's desk. Martin had been too focused on the files to notice him approaching, and he started slightly when Danny tapped him on the shoulder. But he quickly recovered and asked Danny what was up.
Danny leaned against Martin's desk, unsure how to begin. He was having second thoughts about asking Martin to move in with him, but upon seeing the growing confusion on Martin's face, he decided to go for it.
“You can move in with me, Martin.”
Martin just blinked at him uncomprehendingly. Danny sighed and tried again.
“You said you were looking for an apartment, and, well, I'm actually looking for a roommate right now since...” He paused, unable to continue. He hated how he still couldn't say or even think Elena's name without getting a sick feeling in his stomach. He glanced at Martin, expecting to see pity in his eyes, but Martin was just waiting patiently for him to continue. Danny cleared his throat.
“I can't move out of my apartment for another 3 months, so if you want, you can move in with me for that time while we both look for a new place.”
Martin seemed to consider this for a moment, then his face broke into a smile. “Great! When can I move in?”
“As soon as you want,” Danny replied, reluctant to mention the fact that he needed to pay the rent soon.
“Would tomorrow be okay?”
Now it was Danny's turn to be surprised. “Tomorrow?”
Martin gave him a wry smile. “There's a gaping hole in the side of my apartment building, so I'd prefer to move out as soon as possible.”
“Oh, yeah, sure. Tomorrow's fine,” Danny said, trying to ignore the way his heart had started beating faster. Martin smiled at him again.
“Great. Oh, and Danny? Can I come with you tonight to look at the place? I'd like to know if I can fit all of my furniture in there or if I need to put some things into storage.”
Danny agreed and soon afterwards returned to his desk, where he tackled his pile of paperwork with new fervor.
The day passed without a person going missing, something that rarely ever happened. Danny and Martin left work together, and on Martin's suggestion they stopped on their way to Danny's apartment to have dinner at an Italian restaurant.
It was the first proper dinner for Danny in a long time, as he had been living on take-out food for the past few weeks. He enjoyed the meal, it tasted a lot better than what he had been eating lately, and he tried to remember the last time he had actually had dinner at a restaurant.
Danny had to swallow when he realized that it had been on a date with Elena. Just like that, his appetite was gone again, and he spent the rest of the time picking at his food. Martin was telling him about how the construction work on his building didn't seem to improve anything but on the contrary made everything worse, and Danny nodded or made a sympathetic noise when he thought it was required of him.
Finally, they left the restaurant and continued on their way to Danny's apartment. Martin tried to keep up a light conversation as they walked, but he soon feel silent when he noticed that Danny wasn't in the mood for talking.
“Well, this is it,” Danny said when they stood in front of his apartment door. “Mi casa, su casa.”
He opened the door with a flourish, and let Martin step inside before he followed. Martin took a few steps into the apartment, looking around curiously.
“Nice place,” he remarked, politely ignoring the pile of empty take-out cartons, pizza boxes and discarded tissues on the floor around the couch. Danny cursed himself for not thinking of the mess when he agreed to let Martin see the apartment tonight. But at least Martin could now see for himself that there were no empty bottles lying around.
“Looks like there'll be plenty of room for my furniture,” Martin said and turned to face Danny. “Can I have a look at the other rooms as well?”
“Sure. Follow me.”
Danny gave Martin a quick tour of the kitchen, the bathroom and Danny's bedroom, before he led him towards the room at the end of the hallway.
“And this would be your room,” he said and waited for Martin's verdict. It took Martin at least a minute before he was able to speak.
“It's, uhm, it's different,” he finally said. “Very... pink.”
Danny nodded. The room had been Sophie's, and she had insisted on having pink carpet and pink wallpaper. Martin didn't seem quite as taken with the color as little Sophie, if his frown was anything to go by.
“We can replace the carpet and wallpaper,” Danny quickly said, fearing that Martin wouldn't want to live here after all. Martin nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving the pink wallpaper.
“Oh yes, we'll definitely have to do that.”
“So you still want to move in with me?”
Martin gave him a surprised look. “Of course I do. I mean, pink wallpaper aside, this place is a lot nicer than my own apartment.”
And that settled it - Danny had found a roommate. After Martin had left, Danny took a garbage bag and started to clean up the living-room. He wanted his, no, their place to look nice when Martin moved in.
~*~
Just like Martin had said, he moved in the next day. He only brought a sleeping bag and a suitcase with clothes first, the rest of his things followed a few days later. He and Danny spent most of the weekend rearranging their furniture, until they were both satisfied with the result.
Danny had to admit, Martin's conservative oak furniture went better with his own more modern things than he had initially thought. It didn't look exactly stylish, but nice enough, and Danny felt confident that he could live like this for a few months.
And so began Danny's adventure of living together with Martin Fitzgerald. They promptly had their first argument during their first week of living together when Danny found out that Martin liked to read the newspaper while he was using the bathroom. Their second argument occurred only a day later when Martin complained about Danny leaving his hair in the shower drain. But there were also positive sides - at least Martin didn't complain when Danny left the toilet seat up.
As they slowly adjusted to living with each other, Danny found out that there were still many things he didn't know about Martin. One evening, he got home from his AA meeting and was surprised to find Martin in the kitchen, preparing a meal. Flabbergasted, Danny watched him for a while. He had always imagined Martin as being incapable of cooking, or at least making a mess of the kitchen during his attempts, but in fact Martin seemed to know exactly what he was doing.
Martin noticed Danny staring and looked up with a smile. “Didn't think I could cook, did you?”
“As a matter of fact, no,” Danny admitted. Martin shrugged.
“My aunt Bonnie taught me a thing or two. But it just isn't the same when you're cooking for only yourself. It's easier to just order some pizza.”
Danny nodded in agreement. He had rarely ever cooked for himself when he had still been living alone. He felt a pang in his heart when he realized that the last time he had cooked, it had been as a surprise for Elena. He wondered once more what he had done to deserve being left by her.
“Dinner's ready,” Martin announced just then, interrupting his thoughts. “If you want, you can sit down at the table and I'll bring over a plate for you.”
So Danny sat down at the small table that served as their dinner table, since neither Martin nor Danny owned a proper one, and he was soon joined by Martin. Danny took the first bite of the meatloaf Martin had prepared, and was once again surprised.
“This is really good!”
“Thanks,” Martin said and gave Danny one of his dimpled smiles. “It's one of my aunt's recipes.”
“You know what this means, don't you?” Danny asked, eating another forkful of meatloaf.
When Martin just raised a quizzical eyebrow, Danny had to grin. “It means you'll have to cook more often from now on,” he said, pointing his fork at Martin.
Martin laughed. “I never thought I'd hear you say that!”
But he didn't protest, and Danny hoped that meant he would be treated to another meal like this in the near future.
Before Martin had the chance to cook again though, Danny decided it was time to return the favor. So when Martin went to one of his NA meetings, Danny took possession of the kitchen and cooked dinner. He even took care not to make it too spicy, since Martin had once confided in him that spicy food tended to upset his stomach. Martin liked what Danny had cooked, even asking for a second helping, and Danny was encouraged in his plan to start cooking more often.
They soon fell into a routine - Martin cooked on the evenings when Danny went to his AA meeting, while on the evenings of Martin's NA meetings it was Danny's turn to cook. On the remaining days they took turns as well, or even prepared a meal together, trading tips and secrets. When they were both too tired to cook, they ordered take-out food or went out to a restaurant.
As much as Danny enjoyed Martin's company during meal times, sometimes he wished he was still living alone. That became painfully obvious one evening when Danny just wanted to sit on his couch and feel miserable about Elena leaving him. It was Elena's birthday, and he had been thinking about her all day.
He declined when Martin asked him if he wanted anything to eat, and instead went directly to the couch to sit down. Five minutes later, he was joined by Martin, who was clutching two bowls of ice cream and handed one of them to Danny, before switching on the television.
Danny stared down at the ice cream - it was chocolate ice cream topped with whipped cream, chocolate sauce and cherries - and frowned. Did Martin honestly expect him to eat that crap? He looked over at Martin, who was already tucking into the ice cream, eyes glued to the television set.
Danny sighed and tried a spoonful of his ice cream. He had to admit, it tasted delicious, but that was beside the point. How dare Martin intrude on him like that?
From then on, Danny stayed in his bedroom when he didn't want company. It worked well for a week or two, until one day, when Danny had just lain down on his bed to stare at the ceiling and contemplate the unfairness of life and love, there was a knock on his door. He rolled his eyes. Was there no escape from Martin?
With a sigh, he sat up and called, “Come in!”
The door opened and Martin came in. He seemed more cheerful than ever, and Danny had to resist the urge to roll his eyes again.
“What is it, Martin?”
“I got two tickets to the Knicks game tonight, a friend gave them to me because he can't go. Do you want to come along? I mean, they're your favorite team after all...”
Under normal circumstances, Danny would have jumped at the chance to see his favorite team play, but right now he just didn't feel like going out. Ignoring the hopeful look in Martin's eyes, he shook his head.
“No, thanks. Not today.”
Martin's shoulders slumped. “Oh, okay. I thought that maybe you...” He sighed and turned to leave. “Never mind.”
After Martin had left, Danny sunk back against his pillows. But no matter how much he tried, he couldn't relax. Martin was probably sulking now because Danny didn't want to come along... He'd be in a bad mood all day, maybe even all week long, and he would be insufferable at work and even more insufferable to live with.
With a sigh, Danny got up from his bed to put on his shoes. He found Martin in the kitchen, making himself a sandwich. He looked up when Danny came into the kitchen, but didn't say anything. Danny took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before releasing it.
“Alright, fine, I'll come,” he then said, and Martin's eyes lit up.
“Great!”
And so Danny went to the game with Martin, determined not to enjoy himself. But when the game started, he couldn't help but cheer for his team. The Knicks won, despite what Martin had predicted, and Danny kept telling him so on their way back to their apartment.
“I'm glad you had fun,” Martin said after a while, looking over at Danny with a smile.
“Yeah, I did,” Danny admitted. He really had enjoyed himself, despite his misgivings. It had felt good to forget about Elena for a while, but now he felt guilty about it. Was he supposed to have fun so soon after a break-up? But then again, it had been Elena who broke up with him, so maybe he deserved to have some fun.
Danny sighed, he just didn't know what to think anymore. The rest of the way he remained silent, and Martin didn't try to strike up a conversation, for which Danny was grateful.
About a week later, Martin went to visit his parents for a weekend, and Danny finally had the whole apartment to himself again. For a couple of days at least, there would be no greasy breakfast filling the apartment with that penetrating smell, or Martin whistling off-key in the shower. In short, nothing and no one to disturb Danny's peace.
But solitude wasn't as sweet as he had remembered it. The apartment seemed empty without Martin, and Danny soon felt bored. He tried cleaning the apartment to distract himself, but Martin kept their apartment so neat that there was nothing left to clean.
In the end, Danny decided to surprise Martin by papering his room. They had replaced the pink carpet with a beige one when Martin had first moved in, but somehow they had never gotten around to replacing the wallpaper as well, and the room was still sporting Sophie's pink wallpaper.
Danny set to work, and by the time Martin returned from his weekend trip, he had papered Martin's room with a light blue wallpaper and moved the furniture back in place. Martin was pleasantly surprised and thanked Danny over and over again. And when Danny saw him smiling happily at the blue walls, he decided that it had been worth fighting with the wallpaper for hours and getting paste into his hair.
And just like that, two months had passed, and Danny still hadn't started looking for a new apartment. But so far, Martin had also made no attempt to find a new place. In fact, he seemed happier than ever now that his room didn't have pink walls anymore, and Danny decided not to worry about it for a little while longer. There was still plenty of time to look for a new apartment.
But another month later, they still weren't looking for separate apartments. They had fallen into a comfortable routine of living with each other, even though they still managed to get on each other's nerves from time to time. Sometimes it was just nice to have another person living in the apartment.
~*~
It's good to see you laughing again,” Vivian remarked one morning when Danny had laughed at a joke Sam had told him. “You seem a lot happier.”
That was all Viv said, but it got Danny thinking. It was true, he had been feeling more cheerful lately, and he even allowed himself to laugh without feeling guilty afterwards. Thinking about Elena didn't hurt as much as it used to. It seemed like he was finally moving on... But Danny also knew that falling in love again was out of question. He could not risk getting his heart broken again.
He didn't have any more time to dwell on it, because they got a case - a missing 6-year-old - that demanded all their attention.
They spent two days and nights trying to find the little girl, but in the end their efforts weren't enough. When they finally found her, she was dead. Cases like that never left anyone on the team unaffected, and Martin seemed to take this one especially hard. He had been to find the girl's body, discarded in a dumpster behind a restaurant.
Neither of them had spoken on their way home, and now Martin sat down on the couch with a heavy sigh. Danny watched him from the doorway, noting the tired and haggard look on his face, and he wished there was something he could do to ease Martin's pain, and his own.
He went into the kitchen and after inspecting the contents of the fridge and the cupboards, he decided to make some hot chocolate. Martin had said he wasn't hungry, but maybe he would at least drink something. They both hadn't had time to eat properly during the last few days and needed something to sustain them.
When he returned to the living-room, Martin had switched on the television set, but Danny doubted that he was paying any attention to the program. He held out one of the mugs to Martin, who took the proffered mug, murmuring a quiet thanks. Danny sat down next to him, and for a while all they did was sit there, sipping their hot chocolate and staring at the television screen.
They remained sitting there even after they had both finished drinking their chocolate. Danny knew they should go to bed to get some much needed sleep, but he also knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep yet. He felt too restless for that.
And so they remained sitting on the couch, both reluctant to leave the other's comforting presence. In the end, they fell asleep next to each other on the couch, with the TV still running, and neither of them mentioned it the next morning. It went as an unspoken agreement between them that they would do the same after the next tough case.
~*~
More time went by, and when Danny was sitting in the living-room with Martin one evening, watching a movie, he realized with a start that they had been living together for over 6 months now. Elena had left him over 6 months ago, and when Danny thought about her now, it didn't hurt like it used to. In fact, Danny would go so far to say that he was happy now.
He turned to look at Martin, who was too focused on the movie to notice, and smiled. Martin had never approached the subject of moving into separate apartments, and Danny was glad about that. He felt content to share an apartment with Martin, and he hoped that Martin would never move out again.
Martin suddenly turned his head, opening his mouth to make a remark, but whatever he had been meaning to say died on his lips as he stared at Danny, his eyes widening.
“I.... I never thought you'd ever look at me like that again,” he whispered hoarsely, his eyes full of wonder as he kept looking at Danny.
“Like what?” Danny asked, his heart starting to beat faster. Martin swallowed a few times before he answered.
“Like... like you think I'm the most precious thing in the world,” he whispered, a blush creeping into his cheeks.
Danny's mouth suddenly went dry, and he could only stare at Martin, who had started to babble.
“You used to look at me like that a lot, years ago. You probably thought I didn't notice you were flirting with me, but I did... I mean, maybe not at first, but eventually I caught on. I just didn't know what to do, and... and then I was working up the courage to... to ask you out, but then the ambush happened, and things were never quite the same afterwards. And then I got addicted to painkillers and...”
Danny tuned out Martin's babbling, and his thoughts started to race. It was true, he had been interested in Martin for the first two or three years they had been working together, but he had never thought that Martin had actually noticed.
“... and then we were friends again, and I was so glad about that. I mean, just being your friend was fine. You seemed so happy to be with Elena, and I was happy that you were happy and...”
Eventually, Danny had moved on, not believing that anything was ever going to happen between Martin and him, and he had embarked on a relationship with Elena that had ended badly. And now it seemed like he could have another chance with Martin. But did Danny really want that? He had vowed never to fall in love again. Falling in love only meant that he would end up getting hurt again.
But... this was Martin. Maybe he could make an exception for him? Danny thought about it, searching his heart for an answer to the question, and he arrived at only one conclusion: he could.
Martin was still babbling, and Danny knew only one way to shut him up. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips against Martin's. It took Martin a moment to register what Danny was doing, but once he had gotten over his initial surprise, he shyly returned the kiss.
They eventually broke apart, resting their foreheads against each other, and neither of them uttered a word. Danny's heart was pounding as he slowly drew back to look Martin in the eyes. Martin was peering back at him with a look of apprehension in his eyes, and Danny reached for his hand, entwining their fingers.
Martin recognized the gesture as the reassurance it was meant to be, and he smiled at Danny, blue eyes sparkling with joy. Danny smiled back, giving Martin's hand a squeeze before he leaned in for another kiss.
Yes, Martin was worth giving love another try.
Author: persikay
Recipient: annievh
Rating: PG
Summary: Danny is heartbroken when Elena leaves him. Can he ever be happy again?
Disclaimer: I don't own WaT or any of the characters.
Danny stepped into the apartment he had been living in with Elena and Sophie for a little over two months. Taking a deep breath, he set down his bag and looked around. It was good to come home after spending three days in another city on a case.
He frowned. Something was... different. For one thing, it was much too quiet. Usually, Sophie could be heard babbling when she was home. Danny took a few more steps into the apartment and called out.
“Elena? Sophie?”
“Hello, Danny.”
Danny turned and saw Elena standing in the doorway of their bedroom. He stepped towards her to greet her, but Elena held up her hands. Danny stopped in his tracks, frowning at the nervous look on her face.
“What's wrong, Elena? Where's Sophie?”
“She's with my mother,” Elena said and took a deep breath. “Danny, there's... there's something we need to talk about.”
Danny couldn't stop the sinking feeling in his stomach. Trying to keep his voice steady, he asked, “What's going on?”
“Danny, I... I don't know how to tell you this. I have to go away.”
“What... what do you mean?”
Elena gave him a pained look. “This... this whole situation with Carlos, I can't take it anymore. I need to get away.” She paused for a second. “Sophie and I are moving away from New York.”
Danny stared at Elena, trying to comprehend what she had just told him. That was when he realized what had felt so different about their apartment - all of Elena's furniture was missing and only Danny's was still in place. She had apparently used the time while he was away to move her things. He looked back at Elena, who was watching him anxiously.
“How... how long have you been planning this?” Danny asked her.
“Some time,” Elena admitted. “I meant to tell you about it, but... I just didn't know how. You've been so sweet, Danny, and I didn't want to hurt you.”
And yet she had done exactly that. Part of him wanted to step away, to let her go, but no, he wouldn't give up that easily. He couldn't just lose another person he loved. He moved towards Elena, taking her hands in his.
“It's okay, Elena, I understand that you need to get away. But you don't need to leave like this. Let me come with you.”
Elena looked at him for a moment with sad eyes, then she shook her head. “No, Danny. You belong here, in New York.”
“But I want to be with you!”
“I'm sorry, Danny. I... I just can't.” Elena gave Danny's hands a squeeze before pulling away. “Thank you for everything, Danny. But I need to go now.”
She picked up her bag and started towards the door. Danny wanted to run over there and hold her back, but he felt rooted to the spot. All he could do was hold out his hands and plead with her.
“Elena, please don't go. We can work this out together. Please.” He swallowed hard. “I love you.”
Elena looked back at him, smiling sadly. “I'm sorry, Danny, but this is the only way. Please don't try to find me.”
She reached the door, where she paused for a moment to throw one last glance at Danny. Then she was gone, the door clicking shut behind her. Danny was still rooted to the spot, staring at the door and not knowing what to do. There had been such finality in Elena's voice that Danny wasn't at all sure if there was anything he could do.
Slowly, he sank down on the couch and rubbed a hand over his face. It came away wet, and only then did he realize that he was crying. He curled his hand into a fist and pressed it against his mouth, trying to hold back the sobs that were threatening to escape him.
Why did this have to happen to him? Now, when he had finally had the courage to let someone into his heart, to fall in love? He always got hurt in the end. Always. Elena was no exception.
With a choked cry, Danny assaulted the cushion next to him, hitting it with his fists and then throwing it across the room. With his fist pressed against his mouth again, he rocked his body back and forth, trying to keep his world from crumbling apart.
~*~
Danny came into work late the next morning. The rest of the team - without Elena - was already seated around the conference table, listening to Jack briefing them about the missing person. Danny quickly slipped into his seat, suppressing a yawn and wishing there had been time to get a coffee first.
He had finally fallen into a restless sleep in the early hours of the morning, after spending the night replaying the conversation with Elena over and over in his head. He still couldn't quite grasp the fact that she had left him, and he had tried calling her several times to plead with her to come back, to think things over. But her cellphone was turned off, and there was no answer at her mother's house either.
Letting his eyes wander for a moment, Danny noticed that Elena's desk had been cleared. There was nothing that indicated that it had ever been occupied. Swallowing hard, Danny turned his attention back to Jack and tried to concentrate on what their boss was telling them.
The tasks were soon assigned, and Jack got up from the conference table. He gave Danny a disapproving glance before he went into his office. Danny watched him go. Jack hadn't mentioned Elena with one word, and he wasn't sure if he should be glad or angry about that.
He got up and went over to his own desk. He had been assigned to desk duty today, probably for coming into work late. With a sigh, he sat down and rubbed a hand over his tired eyes. When he looked back up, Martin was standing in front of his desk, giving him a reluctant smile.
“Jack told us this morning that Elena left New York. Are you...?”
But before Martin could finish his question, Sam had appeared by his side.
“Come on, Martin,” she urged him. “We need to get going.”
She paused long enough to give Danny a small smile, then she rushed off again, calling for Martin to follow her. Martin looked apologetically at Danny and shrugged.
“I'd better get going,” he said. “We'll talk later.”
Danny watched Martin follow Sam towards the elevator, and he was suddenly reminded of how he and Elena used to head out into the field together. He had to hold on to the edge of his desk as a new wave of despair swept over him. Why had she left him like that?
“Here,” he heard Vivian say, and when he looked up, she was holding out a mug of coffee to him. Danny accepted it with a nod of thanks, and Vivian leaned against his desk, scrutinizing him while he took a sip of his coffee.
“How are you doing?” she asked finally, and Danny swallowed down the lump in his throat.
“I'm fine.”
“Are you really? Because I don't think you are. Elena...”
Danny set the mug down on his desk with a thud, successfully interrupting Vivian.
“I said, I'm fine!”
“Danny...”
“No! Just leave me alone!”
Unable to take it any longer, Danny got up and stormed off towards the men's room, where he stood in front of one of the sinks and tried to get his breathing back under control. Clutching the sides of the sink, he stared into the mirror. He hadn't had time to shave that morning, and there were dark circles under his eyes from getting so little sleep. No wonder everyone was giving him concerned looks.
He splashed his face with cold water and already felt a little better. He was about to get back to work when a thought occurred to him. Elena couldn't have left her job just like that from one day to the next... which meant that she had to have told Jack about her plans. And Jack hadn't told him!
Seized by another bout of anger, Danny left the men's room and stormed into Jack's office. Jack looked up from the file he was reading, surprised to see him.
“Danny, what...?”
“You knew about it, didn't you? You knew that Elena was going to leave and you didn't tell me!”
Jack took off his reading glasses and set them down on top of the file. Looking at Danny and keeping his voice calm, he said, “Yes, Elena told me about her plans when she handed in her resignation a couple of weeks ago.”
“Then why didn't you tell me?” Danny asked, glaring at Jack. “You had no right to keep this from me!”
“Elena asked me not to tell anyone, not even you. It was up to her when and how to let you know,” Jack said matter-of-factly and after a short pause added, “I'm sorry, Danny.”
Danny snorted, not believing a word Jack said. How could he have kept something as important as that from him? Jack had probably sent him on that overnight trip on purpose, so Elena would have time to pack her things, Danny thought bitterly. He noticed that Jack was watching him, and glared back defiantly.
“Look,” Jack now said, “it was Elena's decision, and you're going to have to respect that. And I'm telling you now that you're not to try to locate her using FBI computers or contacts, do you hear me?” Jack waited for Danny to acknowledge that he had understood before he continued. “Really, I'm sorry, Danny, but unless Elena changes her mind about things, there's nothing you can do.”
He held Danny's gaze for a moment longer, then he put his reading glasses back on, looking down at the file he had been reading, and Danny knew that he had been dismissed. He left Jack's office and strode back to his desk, still angry at his boss for not telling him that Elena was going to leave.
As Danny stared at his computer screen, he contemplated just ignoring Jack's order and trying to find out about Elena's whereabouts. It would be easy - a credit card check would most likely provide him with enough information to guess where she was headed.
But he knew that doing so could also cost him his job, and Danny didn't want to lose the last thing in his life that gave him some stability. It also occurred to him that Elena had probably taken care not to leave too obvious traces, so it wouldn't be that simple to find her after all. Jabbing the keys on his keyboard with more force than necessary and muttering under his breath, Danny set to work on trying to track down the missing woman instead.
He focused on his task, trying to keep thoughts about Elena at bay and drinking one cup of coffee after another. He was staring at his computer screen so intently that he didn't notice Martin and Sam had returned until Martin dropped something on his desk.
“Brought you back a sandwich. I thought you might be hungry.”
Danny first stared at Martin, then at the sandwich, and clenched his teeth. The last thing he needed right now was Martin's or anyone else's pity!
Shoving the sandwich back at Martin, he growled, “You can keep your stupid sandwich. I'm not hungry!”
Then he turned back to his computer screen once more. Out of the corner of his eyes he noticed Martin shrugging helplessly into Vivian's direction, and that only made Danny clench his teeth even more. No, he definitely didn't want their pity.
The day ended well enough, they found the missing woman - she had simply wanted to take a day off from her family and had neglected to tell anyone about it, but Danny couldn't really feel happy about it. The prospect of going home to a cold and empty apartment didn't exactly cheer him up.
He tried calling Elena again when he got home in the evening, but he still couldn't reach her. Throwing his phone into the opposite corner of the couch, Danny got up and started pacing the apartment. He asked himself the same question over and over again - why had Elena left him? Why did everyone he loved always end up leaving him? What had he ever done to deserve such treatment?
Danny flopped back on the couch with a heavy sigh. Maybe he was better off if he never allowed himself to fall in love again. At least then he wouldn't get his heart broken over and over again...
~*~
Danny's mood didn't improve over the next couple of weeks. He spent the evenings and weekends in his apartment, either sitting on the couch and staring into space, or pacing around the living-room. His thoughts never strayed far from Elena. He still hadn't heard from her, nor had he been able to reach her cellphone, and he went from cursing her one minute to wishing she would just come back to him the next.
At work, he tried to focus on the cases they were working on, instead of letting his thoughts dwell on Elena and how she had broken his heart. But he couldn't keep his pain bottled up inside all the time and became increasingly short-tempered, snapping at each and everyone in his vicinity.
He tried to pay no attention to the sharp looks Jack gave him ever so often, and how the rest of the team seemed to be walking on eggshells around him. He kept ignoring their attempts to comfort him and to be nice to him - he didn't want or need their pity. Still, he noticed the way they were scrutinizing him when they thought he wasn't looking, and he knew exactly what those glances meant. They were trying to find out if he'd started drinking again.
And the truth was, he had thought about it during those lonely nights when he couldn't sleep and when he just wanted to forget. But so far, Danny had always been able to resist the lure of alcohol, determined not to sink that low. He went to an AA meeting at least twice a week now, and he talked to his sponsor a lot more often than he used to, but even those conversations couldn't make his heartache go away.
One day, almost exactly two weeks after Elena had left him, Danny was in a particularly bad mood, and it didn't help that they were getting nowhere on the case of a missing teenage girl. He and Martin were interviewing a suspect, a regular low-life, and when the guy kept denying any knowledge of the girl's whereabouts, Danny lost it completely. He grabbed the guy and slammed him against the wall of the interrogation room.
“You tell me where she is right now!”
“I have no idea what you're talking about,” the guy replied, and Danny would have slammed him against the wall again if Martin hadn't intervened.
Martin pulled Danny away and ushered him outside, where Jack was waiting for them. He had been watching the interview and judging from the look on his face, he wasn't happy with Danny's interviewing techniques. Well, Danny didn't care.
“Taylor, you wait in my office!” Jack ordered, then he went back into the room with Martin to continue the interrogation. Danny ran a hand through his hair, and when that didn't help to calm him down, he punched the wall next to the door. If only Martin had waited another minute, he would have extracted a confession from that slimy little bastard. Still fuming, Danny went up to Jack's office as he had been told.
After about 15 minutes, Jack finally came looking for him and closed the office door behind him. Pointing a finger at Danny, he said, “You keep acting like that and I'm going to suspend you from work!”
“You can't do that!” Danny protested, but Jack only gave him a sharp look.
“I can, and I will,” Jack snapped. “This is no way for a FBI agent to behave, and you know that. The guy just lawyered up and we're never going to get anything out of him now!” He took a deep breath and waited for a moment before he continued. “I'm sorry that Elena left you, but you can't let this interfere with your work. So you'd better get a grip on yourself. Understood?”
Danny clenched his teeth, but knew better than to protest. He gave Jack a jerky nod and left Jack's office to go back to his desk.
Martin was already back at his own desk, and he looked up with a smile when Danny walked past. But Danny chose to ignore him, he wasn't in the mood for a chat, especially now. He sat down at his desk, ignoring the dejected sigh coming from Martin, and pulled a stack of folders towards him. He had work to do.
~*~
When Danny sat on his couch again that night like so many nights before, eating his usual take-out food and thinking about the unfairness of life, he realized that the rent was due in a week. Suddenly not hungry anymore, Danny set his food aside and thought about what to do.
There was no way he could afford paying for this apartment alone, at least not if he still wanted to eat. But it was too late to look for a new apartment now, one week was just not enough time. Besides, he had signed the lease on the apartment for 6 months and didn't think he would be able to get out of it unless he found a suitable person to replace him.
The only solution Danny could come up with was to find a roommate, someone to share the rent with. He didn't like the thought of having to share his place with a stranger, but it seemed like there was nothing he could do about it.
Danny snorted and gave the take-out carton a push, not caring that it toppled over onto the floor and stained his carpet. Life really hated him right now.
~*~
The next day at the office started out slow. There was no new case, which meant they all had time to catch up on their paperwork, or in Danny's case, to find a roommate. He first had a look at the newspaper, reading the small ads of people who were looking to share an apartment, but none seemed to fit Danny's requirements.
Danny set down the newspaper with a sigh. It looked like he would have to place an ad himself, stating that he was looking for a roommate. He was about to sit down to begin typing, when he saw Sam and Martin coming back from a coffee run. They were talking, and Danny could overhear the last bit of their conversation.
“So you'll let me know if you hear anything?” Martin was asking Sam. She nodded and sat down at her desk.
“Sure.”
“Thanks,” Martin said with a smile, before making his way over to Danny's desk, placing a paper cup in front of him. “Brought you back some coffee, bro.”
Danny gave him a surprised look. He hadn't asked for a coffee, but it smelled delicious, and Danny picked up the cup to take a tentative sip. The coffee tasted just the way he liked it, and for the first time in weeks he felt like smiling. He looked back at Martin, who was perched on his desk, watching him.
“Thanks, Martin.”
“You're welcome. Hey, uhm, Danny, if you hear about any apartments for rent, could you please let me know? They're reconstructing my building, and I need to move out.”
“Oh, yeah, sure.”
“Great, thanks,” Martin said and gave him another smile. Then he went back to his own desk, leaving Danny to drink his coffee and trying to come up with a text for his ad.
Danny stared at his blank computer screen for a while, then he began to type. Wanted: Roommate. But he didn't know how to continue that ad, so he deleted what he'd written and tried again. FBI agent (male, 36 years old, slim build, non-smoker, non-drinker) is looking for someone to share his apartment with.
No, that was even worse than his first try. Danny grimaced and once more deleted what he'd written. He braced his head on one hand while he continued to stare at the computer screen, trying to come up with a better text. It was a lot harder than he thought. How the hell was he supposed to find a roommate when he couldn't even think of a simple ad?
He let his eyes wander around the room, hoping that would somehow spark an inspiration. Eventually, his gaze fell on Martin, who seemed completely engrossed in his paperwork, and Danny wanted to hit himself over the head for not thinking of it sooner.
Martin was looking for a new apartment, and Danny was looking for a roommate, so maybe if they moved in together... Danny shook his head. No, it was bad idea, there was no way they could live together in one apartment without driving each other crazy. Or was there?
The more Danny thought about it, the more he realized that he would much rather live together with Martin than with some stranger. At least with Martin he already knew a few of his oddities and bad habits. And it was only for a few months after all, they could move into separate apartments again after that.
Before he could change his mind again, Danny got up and walked over to Martin's desk. Martin had been too focused on the files to notice him approaching, and he started slightly when Danny tapped him on the shoulder. But he quickly recovered and asked Danny what was up.
Danny leaned against Martin's desk, unsure how to begin. He was having second thoughts about asking Martin to move in with him, but upon seeing the growing confusion on Martin's face, he decided to go for it.
“You can move in with me, Martin.”
Martin just blinked at him uncomprehendingly. Danny sighed and tried again.
“You said you were looking for an apartment, and, well, I'm actually looking for a roommate right now since...” He paused, unable to continue. He hated how he still couldn't say or even think Elena's name without getting a sick feeling in his stomach. He glanced at Martin, expecting to see pity in his eyes, but Martin was just waiting patiently for him to continue. Danny cleared his throat.
“I can't move out of my apartment for another 3 months, so if you want, you can move in with me for that time while we both look for a new place.”
Martin seemed to consider this for a moment, then his face broke into a smile. “Great! When can I move in?”
“As soon as you want,” Danny replied, reluctant to mention the fact that he needed to pay the rent soon.
“Would tomorrow be okay?”
Now it was Danny's turn to be surprised. “Tomorrow?”
Martin gave him a wry smile. “There's a gaping hole in the side of my apartment building, so I'd prefer to move out as soon as possible.”
“Oh, yeah, sure. Tomorrow's fine,” Danny said, trying to ignore the way his heart had started beating faster. Martin smiled at him again.
“Great. Oh, and Danny? Can I come with you tonight to look at the place? I'd like to know if I can fit all of my furniture in there or if I need to put some things into storage.”
Danny agreed and soon afterwards returned to his desk, where he tackled his pile of paperwork with new fervor.
The day passed without a person going missing, something that rarely ever happened. Danny and Martin left work together, and on Martin's suggestion they stopped on their way to Danny's apartment to have dinner at an Italian restaurant.
It was the first proper dinner for Danny in a long time, as he had been living on take-out food for the past few weeks. He enjoyed the meal, it tasted a lot better than what he had been eating lately, and he tried to remember the last time he had actually had dinner at a restaurant.
Danny had to swallow when he realized that it had been on a date with Elena. Just like that, his appetite was gone again, and he spent the rest of the time picking at his food. Martin was telling him about how the construction work on his building didn't seem to improve anything but on the contrary made everything worse, and Danny nodded or made a sympathetic noise when he thought it was required of him.
Finally, they left the restaurant and continued on their way to Danny's apartment. Martin tried to keep up a light conversation as they walked, but he soon feel silent when he noticed that Danny wasn't in the mood for talking.
“Well, this is it,” Danny said when they stood in front of his apartment door. “Mi casa, su casa.”
He opened the door with a flourish, and let Martin step inside before he followed. Martin took a few steps into the apartment, looking around curiously.
“Nice place,” he remarked, politely ignoring the pile of empty take-out cartons, pizza boxes and discarded tissues on the floor around the couch. Danny cursed himself for not thinking of the mess when he agreed to let Martin see the apartment tonight. But at least Martin could now see for himself that there were no empty bottles lying around.
“Looks like there'll be plenty of room for my furniture,” Martin said and turned to face Danny. “Can I have a look at the other rooms as well?”
“Sure. Follow me.”
Danny gave Martin a quick tour of the kitchen, the bathroom and Danny's bedroom, before he led him towards the room at the end of the hallway.
“And this would be your room,” he said and waited for Martin's verdict. It took Martin at least a minute before he was able to speak.
“It's, uhm, it's different,” he finally said. “Very... pink.”
Danny nodded. The room had been Sophie's, and she had insisted on having pink carpet and pink wallpaper. Martin didn't seem quite as taken with the color as little Sophie, if his frown was anything to go by.
“We can replace the carpet and wallpaper,” Danny quickly said, fearing that Martin wouldn't want to live here after all. Martin nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving the pink wallpaper.
“Oh yes, we'll definitely have to do that.”
“So you still want to move in with me?”
Martin gave him a surprised look. “Of course I do. I mean, pink wallpaper aside, this place is a lot nicer than my own apartment.”
And that settled it - Danny had found a roommate. After Martin had left, Danny took a garbage bag and started to clean up the living-room. He wanted his, no, their place to look nice when Martin moved in.
~*~
Just like Martin had said, he moved in the next day. He only brought a sleeping bag and a suitcase with clothes first, the rest of his things followed a few days later. He and Danny spent most of the weekend rearranging their furniture, until they were both satisfied with the result.
Danny had to admit, Martin's conservative oak furniture went better with his own more modern things than he had initially thought. It didn't look exactly stylish, but nice enough, and Danny felt confident that he could live like this for a few months.
And so began Danny's adventure of living together with Martin Fitzgerald. They promptly had their first argument during their first week of living together when Danny found out that Martin liked to read the newspaper while he was using the bathroom. Their second argument occurred only a day later when Martin complained about Danny leaving his hair in the shower drain. But there were also positive sides - at least Martin didn't complain when Danny left the toilet seat up.
As they slowly adjusted to living with each other, Danny found out that there were still many things he didn't know about Martin. One evening, he got home from his AA meeting and was surprised to find Martin in the kitchen, preparing a meal. Flabbergasted, Danny watched him for a while. He had always imagined Martin as being incapable of cooking, or at least making a mess of the kitchen during his attempts, but in fact Martin seemed to know exactly what he was doing.
Martin noticed Danny staring and looked up with a smile. “Didn't think I could cook, did you?”
“As a matter of fact, no,” Danny admitted. Martin shrugged.
“My aunt Bonnie taught me a thing or two. But it just isn't the same when you're cooking for only yourself. It's easier to just order some pizza.”
Danny nodded in agreement. He had rarely ever cooked for himself when he had still been living alone. He felt a pang in his heart when he realized that the last time he had cooked, it had been as a surprise for Elena. He wondered once more what he had done to deserve being left by her.
“Dinner's ready,” Martin announced just then, interrupting his thoughts. “If you want, you can sit down at the table and I'll bring over a plate for you.”
So Danny sat down at the small table that served as their dinner table, since neither Martin nor Danny owned a proper one, and he was soon joined by Martin. Danny took the first bite of the meatloaf Martin had prepared, and was once again surprised.
“This is really good!”
“Thanks,” Martin said and gave Danny one of his dimpled smiles. “It's one of my aunt's recipes.”
“You know what this means, don't you?” Danny asked, eating another forkful of meatloaf.
When Martin just raised a quizzical eyebrow, Danny had to grin. “It means you'll have to cook more often from now on,” he said, pointing his fork at Martin.
Martin laughed. “I never thought I'd hear you say that!”
But he didn't protest, and Danny hoped that meant he would be treated to another meal like this in the near future.
Before Martin had the chance to cook again though, Danny decided it was time to return the favor. So when Martin went to one of his NA meetings, Danny took possession of the kitchen and cooked dinner. He even took care not to make it too spicy, since Martin had once confided in him that spicy food tended to upset his stomach. Martin liked what Danny had cooked, even asking for a second helping, and Danny was encouraged in his plan to start cooking more often.
They soon fell into a routine - Martin cooked on the evenings when Danny went to his AA meeting, while on the evenings of Martin's NA meetings it was Danny's turn to cook. On the remaining days they took turns as well, or even prepared a meal together, trading tips and secrets. When they were both too tired to cook, they ordered take-out food or went out to a restaurant.
As much as Danny enjoyed Martin's company during meal times, sometimes he wished he was still living alone. That became painfully obvious one evening when Danny just wanted to sit on his couch and feel miserable about Elena leaving him. It was Elena's birthday, and he had been thinking about her all day.
He declined when Martin asked him if he wanted anything to eat, and instead went directly to the couch to sit down. Five minutes later, he was joined by Martin, who was clutching two bowls of ice cream and handed one of them to Danny, before switching on the television.
Danny stared down at the ice cream - it was chocolate ice cream topped with whipped cream, chocolate sauce and cherries - and frowned. Did Martin honestly expect him to eat that crap? He looked over at Martin, who was already tucking into the ice cream, eyes glued to the television set.
Danny sighed and tried a spoonful of his ice cream. He had to admit, it tasted delicious, but that was beside the point. How dare Martin intrude on him like that?
From then on, Danny stayed in his bedroom when he didn't want company. It worked well for a week or two, until one day, when Danny had just lain down on his bed to stare at the ceiling and contemplate the unfairness of life and love, there was a knock on his door. He rolled his eyes. Was there no escape from Martin?
With a sigh, he sat up and called, “Come in!”
The door opened and Martin came in. He seemed more cheerful than ever, and Danny had to resist the urge to roll his eyes again.
“What is it, Martin?”
“I got two tickets to the Knicks game tonight, a friend gave them to me because he can't go. Do you want to come along? I mean, they're your favorite team after all...”
Under normal circumstances, Danny would have jumped at the chance to see his favorite team play, but right now he just didn't feel like going out. Ignoring the hopeful look in Martin's eyes, he shook his head.
“No, thanks. Not today.”
Martin's shoulders slumped. “Oh, okay. I thought that maybe you...” He sighed and turned to leave. “Never mind.”
After Martin had left, Danny sunk back against his pillows. But no matter how much he tried, he couldn't relax. Martin was probably sulking now because Danny didn't want to come along... He'd be in a bad mood all day, maybe even all week long, and he would be insufferable at work and even more insufferable to live with.
With a sigh, Danny got up from his bed to put on his shoes. He found Martin in the kitchen, making himself a sandwich. He looked up when Danny came into the kitchen, but didn't say anything. Danny took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before releasing it.
“Alright, fine, I'll come,” he then said, and Martin's eyes lit up.
“Great!”
And so Danny went to the game with Martin, determined not to enjoy himself. But when the game started, he couldn't help but cheer for his team. The Knicks won, despite what Martin had predicted, and Danny kept telling him so on their way back to their apartment.
“I'm glad you had fun,” Martin said after a while, looking over at Danny with a smile.
“Yeah, I did,” Danny admitted. He really had enjoyed himself, despite his misgivings. It had felt good to forget about Elena for a while, but now he felt guilty about it. Was he supposed to have fun so soon after a break-up? But then again, it had been Elena who broke up with him, so maybe he deserved to have some fun.
Danny sighed, he just didn't know what to think anymore. The rest of the way he remained silent, and Martin didn't try to strike up a conversation, for which Danny was grateful.
About a week later, Martin went to visit his parents for a weekend, and Danny finally had the whole apartment to himself again. For a couple of days at least, there would be no greasy breakfast filling the apartment with that penetrating smell, or Martin whistling off-key in the shower. In short, nothing and no one to disturb Danny's peace.
But solitude wasn't as sweet as he had remembered it. The apartment seemed empty without Martin, and Danny soon felt bored. He tried cleaning the apartment to distract himself, but Martin kept their apartment so neat that there was nothing left to clean.
In the end, Danny decided to surprise Martin by papering his room. They had replaced the pink carpet with a beige one when Martin had first moved in, but somehow they had never gotten around to replacing the wallpaper as well, and the room was still sporting Sophie's pink wallpaper.
Danny set to work, and by the time Martin returned from his weekend trip, he had papered Martin's room with a light blue wallpaper and moved the furniture back in place. Martin was pleasantly surprised and thanked Danny over and over again. And when Danny saw him smiling happily at the blue walls, he decided that it had been worth fighting with the wallpaper for hours and getting paste into his hair.
And just like that, two months had passed, and Danny still hadn't started looking for a new apartment. But so far, Martin had also made no attempt to find a new place. In fact, he seemed happier than ever now that his room didn't have pink walls anymore, and Danny decided not to worry about it for a little while longer. There was still plenty of time to look for a new apartment.
But another month later, they still weren't looking for separate apartments. They had fallen into a comfortable routine of living with each other, even though they still managed to get on each other's nerves from time to time. Sometimes it was just nice to have another person living in the apartment.
~*~
It's good to see you laughing again,” Vivian remarked one morning when Danny had laughed at a joke Sam had told him. “You seem a lot happier.”
That was all Viv said, but it got Danny thinking. It was true, he had been feeling more cheerful lately, and he even allowed himself to laugh without feeling guilty afterwards. Thinking about Elena didn't hurt as much as it used to. It seemed like he was finally moving on... But Danny also knew that falling in love again was out of question. He could not risk getting his heart broken again.
He didn't have any more time to dwell on it, because they got a case - a missing 6-year-old - that demanded all their attention.
They spent two days and nights trying to find the little girl, but in the end their efforts weren't enough. When they finally found her, she was dead. Cases like that never left anyone on the team unaffected, and Martin seemed to take this one especially hard. He had been to find the girl's body, discarded in a dumpster behind a restaurant.
Neither of them had spoken on their way home, and now Martin sat down on the couch with a heavy sigh. Danny watched him from the doorway, noting the tired and haggard look on his face, and he wished there was something he could do to ease Martin's pain, and his own.
He went into the kitchen and after inspecting the contents of the fridge and the cupboards, he decided to make some hot chocolate. Martin had said he wasn't hungry, but maybe he would at least drink something. They both hadn't had time to eat properly during the last few days and needed something to sustain them.
When he returned to the living-room, Martin had switched on the television set, but Danny doubted that he was paying any attention to the program. He held out one of the mugs to Martin, who took the proffered mug, murmuring a quiet thanks. Danny sat down next to him, and for a while all they did was sit there, sipping their hot chocolate and staring at the television screen.
They remained sitting there even after they had both finished drinking their chocolate. Danny knew they should go to bed to get some much needed sleep, but he also knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep yet. He felt too restless for that.
And so they remained sitting on the couch, both reluctant to leave the other's comforting presence. In the end, they fell asleep next to each other on the couch, with the TV still running, and neither of them mentioned it the next morning. It went as an unspoken agreement between them that they would do the same after the next tough case.
~*~
More time went by, and when Danny was sitting in the living-room with Martin one evening, watching a movie, he realized with a start that they had been living together for over 6 months now. Elena had left him over 6 months ago, and when Danny thought about her now, it didn't hurt like it used to. In fact, Danny would go so far to say that he was happy now.
He turned to look at Martin, who was too focused on the movie to notice, and smiled. Martin had never approached the subject of moving into separate apartments, and Danny was glad about that. He felt content to share an apartment with Martin, and he hoped that Martin would never move out again.
Martin suddenly turned his head, opening his mouth to make a remark, but whatever he had been meaning to say died on his lips as he stared at Danny, his eyes widening.
“I.... I never thought you'd ever look at me like that again,” he whispered hoarsely, his eyes full of wonder as he kept looking at Danny.
“Like what?” Danny asked, his heart starting to beat faster. Martin swallowed a few times before he answered.
“Like... like you think I'm the most precious thing in the world,” he whispered, a blush creeping into his cheeks.
Danny's mouth suddenly went dry, and he could only stare at Martin, who had started to babble.
“You used to look at me like that a lot, years ago. You probably thought I didn't notice you were flirting with me, but I did... I mean, maybe not at first, but eventually I caught on. I just didn't know what to do, and... and then I was working up the courage to... to ask you out, but then the ambush happened, and things were never quite the same afterwards. And then I got addicted to painkillers and...”
Danny tuned out Martin's babbling, and his thoughts started to race. It was true, he had been interested in Martin for the first two or three years they had been working together, but he had never thought that Martin had actually noticed.
“... and then we were friends again, and I was so glad about that. I mean, just being your friend was fine. You seemed so happy to be with Elena, and I was happy that you were happy and...”
Eventually, Danny had moved on, not believing that anything was ever going to happen between Martin and him, and he had embarked on a relationship with Elena that had ended badly. And now it seemed like he could have another chance with Martin. But did Danny really want that? He had vowed never to fall in love again. Falling in love only meant that he would end up getting hurt again.
But... this was Martin. Maybe he could make an exception for him? Danny thought about it, searching his heart for an answer to the question, and he arrived at only one conclusion: he could.
Martin was still babbling, and Danny knew only one way to shut him up. Leaning forward, he pressed his lips against Martin's. It took Martin a moment to register what Danny was doing, but once he had gotten over his initial surprise, he shyly returned the kiss.
They eventually broke apart, resting their foreheads against each other, and neither of them uttered a word. Danny's heart was pounding as he slowly drew back to look Martin in the eyes. Martin was peering back at him with a look of apprehension in his eyes, and Danny reached for his hand, entwining their fingers.
Martin recognized the gesture as the reassurance it was meant to be, and he smiled at Danny, blue eyes sparkling with joy. Danny smiled back, giving Martin's hand a squeeze before he leaned in for another kiss.
Yes, Martin was worth giving love another try.