Panic Olympics fic
Yes, I have looked, and yes, I can post this.
Romance Isn't Dead, It's Just Sleeping was written for Team Ryan for the prompt 'An Eye for an Eye Makes the Whole World Blind' and was collaborated by me, arctic_grey and danimpa because Team Ryan failed epically.
Title: The Day The Sky Turned Grey
Prompt: Hell Hath No Wrath like a Woman Scorned
Rating: R
Pairing: Panic GSF
Summary: Some people believe that the gene mutations were Mother Nature seeking revenge for what the human race did to her planet. Some people believe that it was evolution; that it was always going to happen.
Warnings: Character Death, Implied Rape, Parent/Child Seperation
Notes: It's written to be backwards. The first scene is the last to happen. Read it as you would normally.
Answer:
Some people believe that the gene mutations were Mother Nature seeking revenge for what the human race did to her planet. Some people believe that it was evolution; that it was always going to happen. Humans have been the same way for thousands of years, if not more. Why now? Why so many different mutations at the same time?
I got dealt a bad set of cards and I'm sure Mother Nature was dealing.
Lucky for her, I don't play poker.
Ryan Ross
Answer:
I was born a girl. Spencer Jane Smith V. I didn't change until I was five, when I overheard my parents talking about how they wanted a boy. It was that simple.
I don't have an opinion of the mutations. They happened, why don't we embrace them?
S.S.
Question:
Discuss your opinions on the gene mutations and their causes.
Answer:
It's a strange world that we live in. If this was a novel, our world would be seen as a dystopia. But it works. People get on with their lives. They fall in love, have children, do their jobs.
There's still death and crime, of course there is. We're still human. But if you can look out the window, see the sun and smile, then the world's still got a chance.
B. Urie
Answer:
The modern world doesn't have a society. Things happen and have relevant reactions, but there are none of the common traits of a society here.
There are no communities. No-one wants to better themselves. There is no competition. There are no politics.
We don't have a society.
Jonathan J. Walker
Question:
What is your view of the modern world and society?
~~~
Jon pulled Brendon into him and clasped his wings around both of their bodies. Brendon sobbed quietly into his chest and all Jon could do was whisper into his ear and hug the younger man quietly.
They stayed there for too long, sweating underneath the skin of Jon's wings. They didn't sleep, just sat there, Brendon clutching at Jon's shirt. Jon sighed into the cold white of Brendon's hair and unfolded his cramped wings from around the two of them.
Jon looked at the other man, unnerved by the white skin and hair. He wasn't used to the lack of colours playing on Brendon's skin, in the flow of his hair. The other man pulled back, looking at Jon and then over his shoulder, blinking rapidly.
Jon turned to find Spencer standing there. He smiled sadly at the worn-looking boy and opened his arm so that Spencer could fit between the two of them. Spencer's head dropped and he fell into them, sniffing into Brendon's shirt. Jon looked at the two of them; the way that their skin seemed to have been swapped, Spencer's face the colour that Brendon's usually was. Jon pressed his thumb to one of the purple marks on Spencer's cheekbones and watched him grimace.
They sat there in the cold darkness of the room for just long enough, before Spencer opened the curtains and Brendon pushed colour into his cheeks. Jon tucked back his wings and they left. Spencer followed.
It wasn't the same, would never be the same, but it was good enough. It was better than anything else.
~~~
Spencer stood at the back of the crowd that were walking towards the coffin. He knew Jon and Brendon were at the very front, saying goodbye, but Spencer just couldn't. He watched the crowd filter away, leaving just the three men standing there.
The other two looked as if they were waiting for Spencer, but he shook his head and, well as he could, limped forward when they'd left him alone. He touched the top of the coffin gently, willing to disappear so that he could see the body lying inside.
"Ryan," he said, letting the wind take his voice and carrying it across the graveyard. He blinked rapidly, his eyes betraying him as he tried desperately not to let the tears drop. He spread his hand over the top of the coffin and leant all his weight against it, tears sliding down his face and onto the polished mahogany wood.
Spencer looked at it, seeing his own flat chest out of the corner of his eye. He had changed back after… after it happened and was determined not to go back. That's what had caused this all in the first place.
His hands wrapped tightly around the support on his crutch, fingernails digging into the hard plastic and metal. A hand settled on his shoulder and he looked up, seeing the priest that had conducted the ceremony and allowed himself to be led away from the coffin, not looking back as it was being lowered into the ground. He couldn't deal with having to see Ryan leave once again.
~~~
Brendon clutched at Jon's hand, watching the doctors and nurses walk past them, purposely not looking at the two strange men slumped in the only chairs in the hallway. Jon pushed his face into Brendon's neck, turning so the people walking down the corridor could see the lumps underneath his shirt.
Brendon watched them all as they stared at Jon's back. He hated it, would rather they'd look at him, not Jon, who couldn't help it. He changed his skin to purple, then vibrant pink, then neon blue. He kept the stream going, needing people to look away from Jon, to make any of this easier for the two of them.
A doctor came out whilst Brendon was white, slowly turning green. He stopped; a pale sickly colour and listened silently as the doctor told them that Spencer had woken up and that they could go see her. He wanted to ask about Ryan's surgery, but didn't want to know the answer.
He tugged on Jon's hand and they both walked behind the doctor, hands clasped and silent. The doctor opened the door and let them pass him, closing it after they had gone inside. Brendon stood back, watching Spencer's chest move gently under the covers, her breasts showing under the blankets. He watched Jon step forward and his shoulders shake.
Brendon walked towards Spencer's bed cautiously, sitting on the edge of it and taking his girl's hand. He watched Spencer's eyes flutter open and tilted his head down to kiss her fingers gently. Brendon watched as she smiled and flexed them up to his mouth.
Spencer's eyes closed for a moment and he watched as tears slipped down her face. He reached up to wipe them away, but she turned her head away.
Brendon stepped back as her breasts shrank and stubble formed on her chin. When she was done, Brendon moved forward clutching Spencer's rougher hand in his own.
"I'm not going back, Brendon." He nodded and let silence settle over the room, only the sound of Jon's sobs ringing true for all of them.
~~~
Ryan couldn't see. He couldn't feel most of his body. He couldn't speak. Through the nothing came Spencer's voice, soft and shaking. He wanted to reply to her, to tell her that it was all going to be ok, but he couldn't.
His fingers twitched in the hand that was holding them. He could feel her tears on his face. Then there was nothing. No Spencer, no tears, no sound.
Just black.
~~~
Spencer was pressed against a wall, the bricks scrapping against her back through her shirt. She grimaced and tried to push against the body holding her there. They just laughed and pressed harder. She couldn't open her eyes, couldn't look at who was there, but she could hear talking behind the man.
She kicked out against him as he pushed up her skirt. This couldn't be happening to her, shouldn't be. It wasn't fair. She wanted to screamed, but suddenly, she couldn't move. There was just black and the sounds of this man, these men.
She didn't want to feel, she didn't want to be there. She felt tears she slip down her face and connect with the man's hand around her neck.
"Spencer?" She heard Ryan's voice ring out down the alley. "Hey, what are you doing? Get away from her." She wanted to scream out, tell him to run, to leave. He couldn't help her.
She couldn't though and he didn't leave.
~~~
Jon watched Brendon and Spencer in front of them, Spencer's fingers pushing into the back of his jeans. Whilst Jon and Ryan went to find a booth, Spencer pulled him onto the dance floor. Ryan slipped his hand into Jon's and pulled them into a booth on the balcony so they could see Spencer and Brendon together.
Jon leaned into Ryan, kissing his neck and pressing his hand to his thigh. He felt Ryan breathe in above him and smiled; content with sitting there with their drinks and watching their other half on the dance floor. Jon's wings were flat against his back under his shirt, uncomfortably tucked away, and he fidgeted until he was snug against Ryan's body.
Above him, Ryan sighed and kissed the other man's temple. They curled up together, not talking about anything, just being there, like always. Ryan stroked down Jon's back, feeling the bumps under his shirt and smiling a little.
Brendon slid into the booth next to Ryan and picked up Jon's drink. Ryan looked over and frowned.
"Where's Spence?" Brendon pointed to the outside door, still drinking and tapped the cigarettes in his top pocket. Ryan frowned once again.
"Okay. I'm gonna go join her, ok?" Jon watched Ryan slide over Brendon and push through the crowd, then shifted closer to where Brendon sat. He was tired, too tired to be out really, slumping into Brendon and waiting for the other two to come back.
~~~
The four of them hadn't intended to move in together to begin with. Brendon's apartment hadn't been big enough for all of them, and they needed their own space anyway. Spencer and Ryan had moved into a two bedroom apartment near to Brendon and Jon's, but she'd ended up sharing Ryan's bedroom most nights.
Jon and Brendon had come over to play games one evening and not really left for almost four days. When they did, it was only because Spencer had begun to complain about the smell. The three boys had laughed snickering under their breaths about her period. She had swatted at Ryan and stormed off.
Two weeks later, Jon and Brendon's lease was over and they never bothered to renew it. Instead, they rented a truck and carted what little they owned to Spencer's. She liked to call it that, because she'd decorated and she took care of it. They never argued and so Spencer(andRyan)'s had become Spencer(,Ryan,JonandBrendon)'s.
It was cramped, it was smelly and it was messy. Most of the time, Ryan referred to it as the pit, Brendon called it his house and Jon shrugged, calling it the apartment he lived in. But as soon as it was cleaned, it was home.
~~~
Brendon left the school first, not needing to be there more than not wanting to. Jon had left shortly afterwards, leaving Spencer and Ryan. They both decided that they needed more time; they wanted to carry on, together.
Three years after Brendon had left, he was sitting in the main hall next to Jon, watching Spencer and Ryan approach the stage. Both were graduating with degrees, Ryan's in American Literature and Spencer's in Applied Physics. Jon's hand was resting in Brendon's, clasped together lightly. Brendon watched the procession while Jon videotaped it. Saving the moment forever.
Spencer's parents were just behind them, with his sisters, whispering about seeing their baby girl graduating and about what a handsome young man he was. Spencer had chosen to be a boy for the day, purely on the grounds that the gown hung better on his body that way, but his parents were ignoring that, as Brendon supposed they did whenever he was at home.
Ryan's father had replied yes to the RSVP, but Brendon knew after a furtive glance around the room that he wasn't there. Not that it mattered, because when Ryan received his degree and looked out to the audience, he saw the only two people he wanted there. His eyes never wavered.
~~~
Ryan wanted Brendon like burning. He needed release that night, but had been too scared to get it from Jon and would never ask it of Spencer. He wasn't afraid with Brendon though.
Brendon was pliant, let Ryan do what he wanted; returned his passion and more. Brendon hadn't been his usual self lately, dealing with Spencer issues, and it was nice to see him to open.
Ryan kissed him like his life depended on it, and somehow, Brendon made it seem like it was the most normal thing it the world.
It made it easier, for Ryan at least, to ask for Spencer.
~~~
When Spencer was a guy, it was more simpler for them. Not just because Brendon's awkwardness died down dramatically, but also because they could just be friends. The dynamic changed when she was there. It was suddenly weird to talk about sex, to joke about and play fight, even though they would quite happily do it if Spencer was male.
Spencer knew all of this, and still chose to be a girl around them sometimes. She was a natural girl, her body was meant to be that way and she preferred it. She could feel people's eyes on her and she loved the attention. When they were all boys, it was always Brendon, always Jon, always Ryan, getting the attention. So, she stuck to what she knew best.
She was curvy and beautiful and she knew it, so it hadn't been a surprise to her that when they had gotten drunk one night after band, she had started to make-out with Brendon. It was always going to be Brendon. And although the incessant staring annoyed her, Spencer enjoyed the power that it gave.
When she broke away for air, much to her surprise, she found Ryan straddling Jon on the sofa. She hadn't focused on the surprise for long, after Brendon started pushing up her skirt up and working his way into her underwear.
When they had woken up in the morning, she'd expected it to feel weird. It had. She hadn't been able to look at Brendon and had left after a few minutes, pulling her skirt down and trailing off to her own room.
~~~
Brendon had always smiled at Spencer in a certain way when she was a girl. Not much different than his usual smile for her - or for Ryan and Jon - but he inclined his head a little, just barely noticeable. She always got the impression that if he'd been wearing a hat, he'd have taken it off. Or if there had been a puddle, he'd have placed his coat across it for her.
He never had, but it didn't stop the pictures in Spencer's head. She wasn't sure anyone else had noticed, so she just ignored it, letting Brendon do what he needed to. She could always just walk away if it got too much. And it hadn't- until recently. Spencer loved Brendon dearly, more than she loved her family, but she couldn't deal with the shy smiles and the fidgeting. She liked the version of Brendon who was loud and obnoxious and loved everything that had ever been called cute.
When Ryan had looked at him strangely, she knew something had been going on. The two boys had been spending a lot of time together, leaving her and Jon to sit and play video games or listen to music. She'd had enough of this and it was time for her to do something about it.
"Seriously Brendon, what is up with you?" She barked, after band one day. He had been staring at her the whole way through. "You're acting weird. Stop it," Ryan opened his mouth to say something but she just turned on him instead. "What, Ryan?" He didn't say anything, just looked at her meaningfully. She turned to Brendon and tried to say something, but he was already shaking his head and walking to the door. Jon followed, but not before smiling weakly at her and shrugging. Spencer tried to smile back, only managing to upturn her lips slightly.
"Would it be so bad if he did?" Spencer just looked at him, not knowing what to say. She just sighed and rested her head against his shoulder. He reached across her lap and found her hand, entwining their fingers. "Would it, Spence?"
~~~
Jon was not nervous. He was sweating because of the thin t-shirt and cloth harness. He had a weird feeling in his stomach because he hadn't eaten for almost a day. Jon was not nervous.
He was standing at the door to his room; hand on the doorknob, not moving. He'd been standing there longer than he'd care to think, but shorter than he'd imagined he would be. Jon looked at his hand, flexed it against the knob and then pulled, opening the door. The hallway wasn't crowded with weird looking kids, with deformed people. Instead, it was mostly empty, except for two boys talking quietly at the end of the corridor.
Jon approached them cautiously, hoping to ask where the lobby or reception was and get away unharmed. Instead, he was pulled into a conversation about musicals. By the time one of the boys offered to show him around, Jon had forgotten that he'd been nervous at all.
~~~
Jon's wings had never been much of a big deal. His mother strapped them down with cloth when she needed to. They weren't especially resistant to the position, becoming used to being folded after a few weeks. He had gone to school every day with two t-shirts on instead of one. He didn't mind.
When he was at home, he could spread them out and watch TV with them pressing against the couch. He was always careful to close the curtains and make sure people knew he was home. Mike never let people in the room unless Jon had a shirt on. Bill however, didn't really care. His younger brother had always had wings, so what?
So when Bill's best mate Danny had seen the wings flittering in the summer heat, Bill hadn't been alarmed. Danny had though. He had gasped and stepped forward touching them delicately. When they rippled he had let out a cry and run from the room. Bill had followed after him, wearing a bemused expression.
Three days later, two women had come to the door. They had sat Jon down and explained that he was going to a school for people like him, people that weren't normal. Jon had nodded solemnly and gone to pack his things, ignoring anyone who asked to help. He had hugged his mother, kissing her on the cheek and had done the same for his father. Bill and Mike had tackled him to the ground, laying there for a few minutes until they were ready to let go.
He was never really ready.
~~~
Ryan hadn't been looking where he was going. Which was not that unusual, but very hazardous all the same. Sometimes, when he was like that, he would turn translucent and pretend that people really couldn't see him. Pretend that everyone could do what he did, that he wasn't a freak.
He'd seen a pink Brendon down the hall and waved, at which Brendon had giggled. Ryan knew the other boy would always be fascinated by Ryan's abilities, whether they were abnormal or not.
Next thing he knew, he was laying on the floor with a girl hunched over him, pressing her hand to his forehead and smiling down at him. He grinned up at her, shivering in and out of transparency quickly. Her eyes widened and she pulled away from him, grasping his hand as she started to stand. She shook it, telling him her name - Spencer - and then used it to pull him to his feet. Later, they'd walked passed Brendon, greeting him as they went. He'd said hello to Ryan, turned to Spencer, then dug his heel into the carpet and mumbled a quick hi, before running off somewhere.
Spencer turned to Ryan, confused but all he could do was shrug.
~~~
It was dark. That was all Spencer had remembered. It was dark and she was lying in bed, curled up in her father's clothes, pretending that she was anything other than Spencer Smith. Her parents had been unhappy when she'd shown them what she could do. That she could be the little boy they never had.
She hadn't heard the car, just seen the lights. They had flashed past the window and she had wanted them to keep going. She knew what was happening.
They didn't drag her out of the door. Two women sat down with her, asked her to show them what she could do. They had helped her pack, had listened to her stories about the ponies and the cowboys standing on her dresser. They had let her hug her parents for almost an hour.
When she'd woken up, it'd been light, her ponies and cowboys had been arranged on the dresser and she had a wardrobe full of clothes, both her own and new ones. New boy's clothes.
She'd gotten dressed and gone to explore.
~~~
George had been hiding in the hall closet. His mother and father had been arguing and he'd just wanted to hide. He just wanted to be anywhere that they couldn't find him. He hid beneath the coats and waited. He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he had seen was his mother hunched over him, gently touching his face.
"George? George, why are you…?" She stopped and George looked up at her, reaching to pull the coats off himself. He felt them underneath his hand but when he pulled up he saw the coats rise, but not his arm. He squinted, thinking it was just the early morning light. There was his arm, but through it, he could see the fabric of the coats.
He started screaming and didn't stop until he could see his skin again. His mother sat there calmly, too alarmed to do anything.
The next day, two women turned up at his front door, helped him pack and didn't say anything when he kissed his mother gently and walked out without saying anything to his father.
That day, George became Ryan.
~~~
Brendon had no memory of ever being outside of the school. He had been told that he had turned vibrant purple in a church ceremony. His mother had bundled him outside and all the way home. She placed him in his crib and prayed. When he turned pink, she called out to the sky, asking for help, forgiveness, anything.
When the two women had come, his mother had pushed Brendon into their arms and shut the door.
Brendon had been in the school the longest. He knew everyone, made a point of it and as each of the boys moved into his wing of the school, he would greet them, smiling and take them on a tour. This was his school.
This was his life.
~~~
Author's Note:
Ryan believed that he was an outcast. He liked to think that he was the only one that felt the way he did. Sometimes, he was right, but sometimes, he wasn't. He wasn't right because I felt the same way he did, that we all did, about the four of us.
We loved that boy more fiercely as anyone had ever loved him. He fought to save me, and died in the process. It wasn't a noble or brave thing to do. It was stupid. But it was Ryan. And I can only love him all the more for it. There're things I regret about telling you all this, the way that I had to show you things that were ours, just so you could understand why Ryan did what he did, why we all did what we did.
I don't know how to explain this to you any better, and I hope that Ryan is proud of me for writing it all down. He always wanted people to hear his story, although he probably thought it hadn't begun yet.
So, this is it. His story lives on - as cliché as that sounds - through Brendon, Jon and myself. We carry a piece of him with us and hope that he knows that we will always love him.
We're a quad, not a tri. But if we can still get up every day and feel Ryan with us, the world will go on.
Spencer Jane Smith V
Dedicated to George Ryan Ross III, who laid his life down to save the virtue of another. RIP.
*slaps face* Ignore the Author's Note.
Romance Isn't Dead, It's Just Sleeping was written for Team Ryan for the prompt 'An Eye for an Eye Makes the Whole World Blind' and was collaborated by me, arctic_grey and danimpa because Team Ryan failed epically.
Title: The Day The Sky Turned Grey
Prompt: Hell Hath No Wrath like a Woman Scorned
Rating: R
Pairing: Panic GSF
Summary: Some people believe that the gene mutations were Mother Nature seeking revenge for what the human race did to her planet. Some people believe that it was evolution; that it was always going to happen.
Warnings: Character Death, Implied Rape, Parent/Child Seperation
Notes: It's written to be backwards. The first scene is the last to happen. Read it as you would normally.
Answer:
Some people believe that the gene mutations were Mother Nature seeking revenge for what the human race did to her planet. Some people believe that it was evolution; that it was always going to happen. Humans have been the same way for thousands of years, if not more. Why now? Why so many different mutations at the same time?
I got dealt a bad set of cards and I'm sure Mother Nature was dealing.
Lucky for her, I don't play poker.
Ryan Ross
Answer:
I was born a girl. Spencer Jane Smith V. I didn't change until I was five, when I overheard my parents talking about how they wanted a boy. It was that simple.
I don't have an opinion of the mutations. They happened, why don't we embrace them?
S.S.
Question:
Discuss your opinions on the gene mutations and their causes.
Answer:
It's a strange world that we live in. If this was a novel, our world would be seen as a dystopia. But it works. People get on with their lives. They fall in love, have children, do their jobs.
There's still death and crime, of course there is. We're still human. But if you can look out the window, see the sun and smile, then the world's still got a chance.
B. Urie
Answer:
The modern world doesn't have a society. Things happen and have relevant reactions, but there are none of the common traits of a society here.
There are no communities. No-one wants to better themselves. There is no competition. There are no politics.
We don't have a society.
Jonathan J. Walker
Question:
What is your view of the modern world and society?
~~~
Jon pulled Brendon into him and clasped his wings around both of their bodies. Brendon sobbed quietly into his chest and all Jon could do was whisper into his ear and hug the younger man quietly.
They stayed there for too long, sweating underneath the skin of Jon's wings. They didn't sleep, just sat there, Brendon clutching at Jon's shirt. Jon sighed into the cold white of Brendon's hair and unfolded his cramped wings from around the two of them.
Jon looked at the other man, unnerved by the white skin and hair. He wasn't used to the lack of colours playing on Brendon's skin, in the flow of his hair. The other man pulled back, looking at Jon and then over his shoulder, blinking rapidly.
Jon turned to find Spencer standing there. He smiled sadly at the worn-looking boy and opened his arm so that Spencer could fit between the two of them. Spencer's head dropped and he fell into them, sniffing into Brendon's shirt. Jon looked at the two of them; the way that their skin seemed to have been swapped, Spencer's face the colour that Brendon's usually was. Jon pressed his thumb to one of the purple marks on Spencer's cheekbones and watched him grimace.
They sat there in the cold darkness of the room for just long enough, before Spencer opened the curtains and Brendon pushed colour into his cheeks. Jon tucked back his wings and they left. Spencer followed.
It wasn't the same, would never be the same, but it was good enough. It was better than anything else.
~~~
Spencer stood at the back of the crowd that were walking towards the coffin. He knew Jon and Brendon were at the very front, saying goodbye, but Spencer just couldn't. He watched the crowd filter away, leaving just the three men standing there.
The other two looked as if they were waiting for Spencer, but he shook his head and, well as he could, limped forward when they'd left him alone. He touched the top of the coffin gently, willing to disappear so that he could see the body lying inside.
"Ryan," he said, letting the wind take his voice and carrying it across the graveyard. He blinked rapidly, his eyes betraying him as he tried desperately not to let the tears drop. He spread his hand over the top of the coffin and leant all his weight against it, tears sliding down his face and onto the polished mahogany wood.
Spencer looked at it, seeing his own flat chest out of the corner of his eye. He had changed back after… after it happened and was determined not to go back. That's what had caused this all in the first place.
His hands wrapped tightly around the support on his crutch, fingernails digging into the hard plastic and metal. A hand settled on his shoulder and he looked up, seeing the priest that had conducted the ceremony and allowed himself to be led away from the coffin, not looking back as it was being lowered into the ground. He couldn't deal with having to see Ryan leave once again.
~~~
Brendon clutched at Jon's hand, watching the doctors and nurses walk past them, purposely not looking at the two strange men slumped in the only chairs in the hallway. Jon pushed his face into Brendon's neck, turning so the people walking down the corridor could see the lumps underneath his shirt.
Brendon watched them all as they stared at Jon's back. He hated it, would rather they'd look at him, not Jon, who couldn't help it. He changed his skin to purple, then vibrant pink, then neon blue. He kept the stream going, needing people to look away from Jon, to make any of this easier for the two of them.
A doctor came out whilst Brendon was white, slowly turning green. He stopped; a pale sickly colour and listened silently as the doctor told them that Spencer had woken up and that they could go see her. He wanted to ask about Ryan's surgery, but didn't want to know the answer.
He tugged on Jon's hand and they both walked behind the doctor, hands clasped and silent. The doctor opened the door and let them pass him, closing it after they had gone inside. Brendon stood back, watching Spencer's chest move gently under the covers, her breasts showing under the blankets. He watched Jon step forward and his shoulders shake.
Brendon walked towards Spencer's bed cautiously, sitting on the edge of it and taking his girl's hand. He watched Spencer's eyes flutter open and tilted his head down to kiss her fingers gently. Brendon watched as she smiled and flexed them up to his mouth.
Spencer's eyes closed for a moment and he watched as tears slipped down her face. He reached up to wipe them away, but she turned her head away.
Brendon stepped back as her breasts shrank and stubble formed on her chin. When she was done, Brendon moved forward clutching Spencer's rougher hand in his own.
"I'm not going back, Brendon." He nodded and let silence settle over the room, only the sound of Jon's sobs ringing true for all of them.
~~~
Ryan couldn't see. He couldn't feel most of his body. He couldn't speak. Through the nothing came Spencer's voice, soft and shaking. He wanted to reply to her, to tell her that it was all going to be ok, but he couldn't.
His fingers twitched in the hand that was holding them. He could feel her tears on his face. Then there was nothing. No Spencer, no tears, no sound.
Just black.
~~~
Spencer was pressed against a wall, the bricks scrapping against her back through her shirt. She grimaced and tried to push against the body holding her there. They just laughed and pressed harder. She couldn't open her eyes, couldn't look at who was there, but she could hear talking behind the man.
She kicked out against him as he pushed up her skirt. This couldn't be happening to her, shouldn't be. It wasn't fair. She wanted to screamed, but suddenly, she couldn't move. There was just black and the sounds of this man, these men.
She didn't want to feel, she didn't want to be there. She felt tears she slip down her face and connect with the man's hand around her neck.
"Spencer?" She heard Ryan's voice ring out down the alley. "Hey, what are you doing? Get away from her." She wanted to scream out, tell him to run, to leave. He couldn't help her.
She couldn't though and he didn't leave.
~~~
Jon watched Brendon and Spencer in front of them, Spencer's fingers pushing into the back of his jeans. Whilst Jon and Ryan went to find a booth, Spencer pulled him onto the dance floor. Ryan slipped his hand into Jon's and pulled them into a booth on the balcony so they could see Spencer and Brendon together.
Jon leaned into Ryan, kissing his neck and pressing his hand to his thigh. He felt Ryan breathe in above him and smiled; content with sitting there with their drinks and watching their other half on the dance floor. Jon's wings were flat against his back under his shirt, uncomfortably tucked away, and he fidgeted until he was snug against Ryan's body.
Above him, Ryan sighed and kissed the other man's temple. They curled up together, not talking about anything, just being there, like always. Ryan stroked down Jon's back, feeling the bumps under his shirt and smiling a little.
Brendon slid into the booth next to Ryan and picked up Jon's drink. Ryan looked over and frowned.
"Where's Spence?" Brendon pointed to the outside door, still drinking and tapped the cigarettes in his top pocket. Ryan frowned once again.
"Okay. I'm gonna go join her, ok?" Jon watched Ryan slide over Brendon and push through the crowd, then shifted closer to where Brendon sat. He was tired, too tired to be out really, slumping into Brendon and waiting for the other two to come back.
~~~
The four of them hadn't intended to move in together to begin with. Brendon's apartment hadn't been big enough for all of them, and they needed their own space anyway. Spencer and Ryan had moved into a two bedroom apartment near to Brendon and Jon's, but she'd ended up sharing Ryan's bedroom most nights.
Jon and Brendon had come over to play games one evening and not really left for almost four days. When they did, it was only because Spencer had begun to complain about the smell. The three boys had laughed snickering under their breaths about her period. She had swatted at Ryan and stormed off.
Two weeks later, Jon and Brendon's lease was over and they never bothered to renew it. Instead, they rented a truck and carted what little they owned to Spencer's. She liked to call it that, because she'd decorated and she took care of it. They never argued and so Spencer(andRyan)'s had become Spencer(,Ryan,JonandBrendon)'s.
It was cramped, it was smelly and it was messy. Most of the time, Ryan referred to it as the pit, Brendon called it his house and Jon shrugged, calling it the apartment he lived in. But as soon as it was cleaned, it was home.
~~~
Brendon left the school first, not needing to be there more than not wanting to. Jon had left shortly afterwards, leaving Spencer and Ryan. They both decided that they needed more time; they wanted to carry on, together.
Three years after Brendon had left, he was sitting in the main hall next to Jon, watching Spencer and Ryan approach the stage. Both were graduating with degrees, Ryan's in American Literature and Spencer's in Applied Physics. Jon's hand was resting in Brendon's, clasped together lightly. Brendon watched the procession while Jon videotaped it. Saving the moment forever.
Spencer's parents were just behind them, with his sisters, whispering about seeing their baby girl graduating and about what a handsome young man he was. Spencer had chosen to be a boy for the day, purely on the grounds that the gown hung better on his body that way, but his parents were ignoring that, as Brendon supposed they did whenever he was at home.
Ryan's father had replied yes to the RSVP, but Brendon knew after a furtive glance around the room that he wasn't there. Not that it mattered, because when Ryan received his degree and looked out to the audience, he saw the only two people he wanted there. His eyes never wavered.
~~~
Ryan wanted Brendon like burning. He needed release that night, but had been too scared to get it from Jon and would never ask it of Spencer. He wasn't afraid with Brendon though.
Brendon was pliant, let Ryan do what he wanted; returned his passion and more. Brendon hadn't been his usual self lately, dealing with Spencer issues, and it was nice to see him to open.
Ryan kissed him like his life depended on it, and somehow, Brendon made it seem like it was the most normal thing it the world.
It made it easier, for Ryan at least, to ask for Spencer.
~~~
When Spencer was a guy, it was more simpler for them. Not just because Brendon's awkwardness died down dramatically, but also because they could just be friends. The dynamic changed when she was there. It was suddenly weird to talk about sex, to joke about and play fight, even though they would quite happily do it if Spencer was male.
Spencer knew all of this, and still chose to be a girl around them sometimes. She was a natural girl, her body was meant to be that way and she preferred it. She could feel people's eyes on her and she loved the attention. When they were all boys, it was always Brendon, always Jon, always Ryan, getting the attention. So, she stuck to what she knew best.
She was curvy and beautiful and she knew it, so it hadn't been a surprise to her that when they had gotten drunk one night after band, she had started to make-out with Brendon. It was always going to be Brendon. And although the incessant staring annoyed her, Spencer enjoyed the power that it gave.
When she broke away for air, much to her surprise, she found Ryan straddling Jon on the sofa. She hadn't focused on the surprise for long, after Brendon started pushing up her skirt up and working his way into her underwear.
When they had woken up in the morning, she'd expected it to feel weird. It had. She hadn't been able to look at Brendon and had left after a few minutes, pulling her skirt down and trailing off to her own room.
~~~
Brendon had always smiled at Spencer in a certain way when she was a girl. Not much different than his usual smile for her - or for Ryan and Jon - but he inclined his head a little, just barely noticeable. She always got the impression that if he'd been wearing a hat, he'd have taken it off. Or if there had been a puddle, he'd have placed his coat across it for her.
He never had, but it didn't stop the pictures in Spencer's head. She wasn't sure anyone else had noticed, so she just ignored it, letting Brendon do what he needed to. She could always just walk away if it got too much. And it hadn't- until recently. Spencer loved Brendon dearly, more than she loved her family, but she couldn't deal with the shy smiles and the fidgeting. She liked the version of Brendon who was loud and obnoxious and loved everything that had ever been called cute.
When Ryan had looked at him strangely, she knew something had been going on. The two boys had been spending a lot of time together, leaving her and Jon to sit and play video games or listen to music. She'd had enough of this and it was time for her to do something about it.
"Seriously Brendon, what is up with you?" She barked, after band one day. He had been staring at her the whole way through. "You're acting weird. Stop it," Ryan opened his mouth to say something but she just turned on him instead. "What, Ryan?" He didn't say anything, just looked at her meaningfully. She turned to Brendon and tried to say something, but he was already shaking his head and walking to the door. Jon followed, but not before smiling weakly at her and shrugging. Spencer tried to smile back, only managing to upturn her lips slightly.
"Would it be so bad if he did?" Spencer just looked at him, not knowing what to say. She just sighed and rested her head against his shoulder. He reached across her lap and found her hand, entwining their fingers. "Would it, Spence?"
~~~
Jon was not nervous. He was sweating because of the thin t-shirt and cloth harness. He had a weird feeling in his stomach because he hadn't eaten for almost a day. Jon was not nervous.
He was standing at the door to his room; hand on the doorknob, not moving. He'd been standing there longer than he'd care to think, but shorter than he'd imagined he would be. Jon looked at his hand, flexed it against the knob and then pulled, opening the door. The hallway wasn't crowded with weird looking kids, with deformed people. Instead, it was mostly empty, except for two boys talking quietly at the end of the corridor.
Jon approached them cautiously, hoping to ask where the lobby or reception was and get away unharmed. Instead, he was pulled into a conversation about musicals. By the time one of the boys offered to show him around, Jon had forgotten that he'd been nervous at all.
~~~
Jon's wings had never been much of a big deal. His mother strapped them down with cloth when she needed to. They weren't especially resistant to the position, becoming used to being folded after a few weeks. He had gone to school every day with two t-shirts on instead of one. He didn't mind.
When he was at home, he could spread them out and watch TV with them pressing against the couch. He was always careful to close the curtains and make sure people knew he was home. Mike never let people in the room unless Jon had a shirt on. Bill however, didn't really care. His younger brother had always had wings, so what?
So when Bill's best mate Danny had seen the wings flittering in the summer heat, Bill hadn't been alarmed. Danny had though. He had gasped and stepped forward touching them delicately. When they rippled he had let out a cry and run from the room. Bill had followed after him, wearing a bemused expression.
Three days later, two women had come to the door. They had sat Jon down and explained that he was going to a school for people like him, people that weren't normal. Jon had nodded solemnly and gone to pack his things, ignoring anyone who asked to help. He had hugged his mother, kissing her on the cheek and had done the same for his father. Bill and Mike had tackled him to the ground, laying there for a few minutes until they were ready to let go.
He was never really ready.
~~~
Ryan hadn't been looking where he was going. Which was not that unusual, but very hazardous all the same. Sometimes, when he was like that, he would turn translucent and pretend that people really couldn't see him. Pretend that everyone could do what he did, that he wasn't a freak.
He'd seen a pink Brendon down the hall and waved, at which Brendon had giggled. Ryan knew the other boy would always be fascinated by Ryan's abilities, whether they were abnormal or not.
Next thing he knew, he was laying on the floor with a girl hunched over him, pressing her hand to his forehead and smiling down at him. He grinned up at her, shivering in and out of transparency quickly. Her eyes widened and she pulled away from him, grasping his hand as she started to stand. She shook it, telling him her name - Spencer - and then used it to pull him to his feet. Later, they'd walked passed Brendon, greeting him as they went. He'd said hello to Ryan, turned to Spencer, then dug his heel into the carpet and mumbled a quick hi, before running off somewhere.
Spencer turned to Ryan, confused but all he could do was shrug.
~~~
It was dark. That was all Spencer had remembered. It was dark and she was lying in bed, curled up in her father's clothes, pretending that she was anything other than Spencer Smith. Her parents had been unhappy when she'd shown them what she could do. That she could be the little boy they never had.
She hadn't heard the car, just seen the lights. They had flashed past the window and she had wanted them to keep going. She knew what was happening.
They didn't drag her out of the door. Two women sat down with her, asked her to show them what she could do. They had helped her pack, had listened to her stories about the ponies and the cowboys standing on her dresser. They had let her hug her parents for almost an hour.
When she'd woken up, it'd been light, her ponies and cowboys had been arranged on the dresser and she had a wardrobe full of clothes, both her own and new ones. New boy's clothes.
She'd gotten dressed and gone to explore.
~~~
George had been hiding in the hall closet. His mother and father had been arguing and he'd just wanted to hide. He just wanted to be anywhere that they couldn't find him. He hid beneath the coats and waited. He must have fallen asleep because the next thing he had seen was his mother hunched over him, gently touching his face.
"George? George, why are you…?" She stopped and George looked up at her, reaching to pull the coats off himself. He felt them underneath his hand but when he pulled up he saw the coats rise, but not his arm. He squinted, thinking it was just the early morning light. There was his arm, but through it, he could see the fabric of the coats.
He started screaming and didn't stop until he could see his skin again. His mother sat there calmly, too alarmed to do anything.
The next day, two women turned up at his front door, helped him pack and didn't say anything when he kissed his mother gently and walked out without saying anything to his father.
That day, George became Ryan.
~~~
Brendon had no memory of ever being outside of the school. He had been told that he had turned vibrant purple in a church ceremony. His mother had bundled him outside and all the way home. She placed him in his crib and prayed. When he turned pink, she called out to the sky, asking for help, forgiveness, anything.
When the two women had come, his mother had pushed Brendon into their arms and shut the door.
Brendon had been in the school the longest. He knew everyone, made a point of it and as each of the boys moved into his wing of the school, he would greet them, smiling and take them on a tour. This was his school.
This was his life.
~~~
Author's Note:
Ryan believed that he was an outcast. He liked to think that he was the only one that felt the way he did. Sometimes, he was right, but sometimes, he wasn't. He wasn't right because I felt the same way he did, that we all did, about the four of us.
We loved that boy more fiercely as anyone had ever loved him. He fought to save me, and died in the process. It wasn't a noble or brave thing to do. It was stupid. But it was Ryan. And I can only love him all the more for it. There're things I regret about telling you all this, the way that I had to show you things that were ours, just so you could understand why Ryan did what he did, why we all did what we did.
I don't know how to explain this to you any better, and I hope that Ryan is proud of me for writing it all down. He always wanted people to hear his story, although he probably thought it hadn't begun yet.
So, this is it. His story lives on - as cliché as that sounds - through Brendon, Jon and myself. We carry a piece of him with us and hope that he knows that we will always love him.
We're a quad, not a tri. But if we can still get up every day and feel Ryan with us, the world will go on.
Spencer Jane Smith V
Dedicated to George Ryan Ross III, who laid his life down to save the virtue of another. RIP.
*slaps face* Ignore the Author's Note.