Fic: Time Lost and Time Won
Title: Time Lost and Time Won
Pairing: Spencer/Jon (side Jon/Tom and Jon/Cassie)
Rating: NC-17
Prompt: 120 - Jon and Cassie break up and Jon starts to have a bit of a sexual identity crisis. He gets kind of drunk with Tom and ends up hitting on him and Tom's all 'I would be your boyfriend forever if I liked guys, but I just don't :('. Maybe he kisses Jon a bit to help him figure it all out though. Anyway obviously Jon is kind of sad afterwards because he is still lacking a hot boy to make out with on a regular basis. Cue a concerned member of his band who gets him to admit all this and then decides that HE will be Jon's bf! It's kind of a joke to make Jon feel better at first but then he gets more and more attracted and friendly ass pats and kisses become more 'so this is nice' than 'yay self-esteem boost for you'. And of course all those leave Jon in various states of turned on and confused and 'man, why do the hot ones always TEASE ME?' ;_; etc. etc.
Summary: Jon finds himself with the help of an ex, a best friend and a boyfriend.
Notes: Coda was written as a huge favour, because I CAN'T WRITE UN-ANGSTY SEX, by redsnake05 and is wonderful. You will love it.
THIS IS LATE BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE FAINTED IN A CLUB. IT WAS TERRIFYING. FORGIVENESS?
"Jonny, I love you. You've got to know that I love you. But this isn't working, was never going to work really." Jon's crying and he doesn't understand why Cassie's not. She's just sitting there next to him, holding onto his hand. He grips it harder, just to know she's still there and turns to face her properly. He knows he must look a mess, but he doesn't care right now. "You've just repressed so much and you're falling apart because of it."
"Cass, baby, come on. This is ridiculous. I don't even know what you're talking about." Cassie sighs and leans her head against his shoulder. He honestly doesn't know what she's talking about and it's the worst feeling that he's ever experienced. "You can't just leave me in the dark here. I want to know. I need a reason." He's raising his voice, he knows. Cassie has actually moved away from him and is glaring at him.
"I've already told you Jon. You need to pull your head out of your ass and just be who you are." She's shouting now too and he hates it. He hates that what she sees isn't so clear to him. He can't be left in the dark about this.
"You're just ignoring me. Why won't you tell me?" he says, standing. She's standing too, walking away from him, but she turns and looks at him almost softly. "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with us?" Cassie shakes her head and turns again.
"Go make-out with your band, you'll soon figure it out." And then she's gone and Jon's left there to wallow in his own misery and curiosity.
**
"This is shit," Jon says, finally wrestling the JD bottle off of Tom and taking a swig. He's drunk, very drunk and he's just starting to realise how Tom might have felt, except he's not lost his life as well as his partner. "She said that I needed to figure myself out. What a pile of shit. I bet she's fucking seeing someone and just used me as an excuse." Tom takes the bottle back and curls up into Jon's body. It's nice. "She said I should make out my band and it would make sense. Guh, I fucking hate women."
"Yeah, that's the reason she broke up with you, dude." Tom shifts against Jon and he looks down at him. Tom's head is bent back so that he can see Jon's face properly and all it's showing him is confusion. "Dude, you didn't know?" Tom starts laughing then, actually properly hunches over forever and cackles. Jon can't really see what's funny about this. His girlfriend just broke up with him but refuse to tell him why and he's seeking out his best friend to help him by getting tanked and slagging her off. Jon pushes at him a few times before Tom stops laughing and turns to him. "Ok, just..." Tom looks closely at Jon's face and frowns. "I don't do this for just anyone, ok. Just, come here." And then Tom kisses him.
It's not life altering, there's no spark, but it's different. It's not like kissing Cassie or any other girl. It's rougher, harder, better. The mechanics are almost the same but the situation is what is changing it for him. Jon kisses Tom back, gently, because he knows that this is special and just for him and he's grateful that this is his realisation. Other people have tears and sadness and Jon gets kissing an attractive man. Tom pulls away after a few moments and Jon's sad that it's over.
"So?" Tom says, clearing his throat. Jon looks at his hands which are resting on Tom's shoulders, and starts laughing.
"I get it," he says when he's finished. Tom looks a little put off, like he thinks Jon doesn't understand why he was laughing. "No, it's not like that. No, thank you. Seriously thank you." He says and pats one of Tom's hands, because he's not exactly sure what's allowed between them any more. "It's just that after all the love that floats around in the group, it takes both you and Cassie to actually physically put me right. Jesus Christ." He laughs again, just a little and leans back against the sofa, hand over his eyes.
"Well, fuck," Tom says and tips his head onto Jon's shoulder. Jon jumps a little bit, but leans his head on Tom's all the same. "I didn't think that would be what did it," Tom says and Jon just hums, because he didn't think it would be anything.
**
"Jesus fuck," Spencer says and Jon just puts his head in his hands. That's exactly what he didn't want to hear. He's not exactly sure what he does want to hear, but that wasn't it. "You sure?" he asks and Jon just nods against his hands. He feels a hand on his shoulder, and he turns to see Spencer with a small smile on his face. "Well, it's nice to know that Ryan's gay-dar is still working." Jon laughs a little and leans into Spencer's shoulder.
"Thanks, man," he says, sitting back against the sofa. "It's weird, other people knowing. I mean, I've been so convinced that I'm straight for so long and now..." Spencer leans back next to Jon and bumps their knees. "Jesus fuck is right."
"It's nice to see you though," Spencer says, letting his head lie against the back of the sofa and Jon's arm. "Is this the reason you're in Vegas?" Spencer asks, looking at the ceiling. Jon looks over at his face and he's not quite sure what to make of that expression.
"Not really. I wanted to see you, and the guys. But I figured you'd be the person that I'd need to talk to about this," Jon says, smiling at Spencer. Spencer had been the first to come out as bisexual, had come out to Ryan when they were still in high school and he's the only person that Jon knows who actually dates men and women openly. Most of the DecayDance crowd are flirtatious, but they hold true to the Pete Wentz view on sexuality.
"Yeah, well, that's me. LGBT councillor to the masses." Spencer laughs and turns properly towards Jon, crossing one of his legs in front of him. "So, why now?" he asks, and Jon's not surprised in any sense of the word. It was the first thing that Jon expected Spencer to ask him.
"Cassie might have thrown me out and told me to go make out with my band." He looks at Spencer and realises what he'd just said. "I mean, that's not why I'm here. I've already had an introduction to men from Tom." He laughs, loudly and unsure, until he sees that Spencer's not laughing with him.
"You kissed Tom?" Spencer asks, his voice low and quiet. "You don't do that." He says and Jon gets it. He's always been the one that takes the drunken guy home at night, not the one that's making out in a corner of the bus. Tom was the first and last kiss from a man that Jon's ever received.
"Yeah, well, apparently, now I do."
**
When Brendon finds out that Jon's in town, he spends most of his time at Spencer's apartment. Spencer grumbles about having too many people in his house and how he really he shouldn't have to feed all of them. he smiles at Jon after he says it, so Jon figures he's not actually that upset about him staying. As compensation, he takes Brendon to Port of Subs to make up for it. He's tells Brendon on the way back and has to correct his steering when he actually says it. By the tie they get back to the house, he's blathering about how awesome it's going to be to talk to one of his gay friends about boys for once. Jon has to actually remind Brendon that he's not gay as well, and that Spencer's been out for a lot longer than Jon.
"Spence, Spence, do you know?" he says when they get back to Spencer's, rocketing out of the car and up the stairs, leaving Jon's to gather their food and lock up. Spencer's face is nearing his most commonly used bitchface by the time that Jon gets in and shoves the food into his arms.
"Of course I know," Spencer says and retreats to the kitchen to eat. Brendon shrugs at Jon and follows after, before Jon can stop him, or can do anything about Spencer's mood. They eat in stony silence, with Brendon making noises about his sub, whilst Jon tries to get Spencer to be pleasant. They've all dealt with Spencer's moods before, but Jon can't think of anything to have brought it on. He's usually got a fully understandable reason for it or Ryan knows what's going on. But Ryan's not in town, he's visiting Keltie, and Jon can't figure Spencer out. He supposes he'll need to call Ryan and tell him soon, so that he doesn't complain too much about being the last to know.
"So, you need a boyfriend now, right?" Brendon says, as he wipes the crumbs from his face and Jon looks towards him, frowning. Spencer chokes on his sub and Brendon has to reach around him to pat him on the back. "You alright?" Brendon asks Spencer and Spencer just scowls. Brendon grins at him, and then turns back to Jon without waiting to see if Spencer was really ok. "I mean, you want to experiment and stuff, and you need someone to experiment with?" Jon kind of gapes at Brendon and tries to think of something appropriate to say. Something that says: "Yes, but not you," but in a way that also says: "I love you and you're my best friend, but you can shut up now." Jon looks to Spencer, but doesn't find any help in his face, in his eyes. "I'll be your boyfriend, Jon Walker," Brendon says and Jon can't think of anything to say.
"No," says Spencer and both of the other men turn to him. Brendon slips a little in his chair when he does so and has to grab onto the counter to stop himself falling off it. The stools they're sitting on aren't really built for energetic swivelling. Spencer's face is set and Jon's rather worried for Brendon's safety. He's never been happy about Brendon and Ryan playing about with aspects of his sexuality and now, Jon can really understand why.
Brendon doesn't say anything else on the subject and Jon decides that it's done with.
**
"So, I was thinking about it," Brendon says, when it's just him and Jon. "You should get with Spencer." This time, Jon's the one choking. He should know not to drink when Brendon's talking. Brendon waits patiently until he's finished coughing, which is not actually that helpful. Jon looks up at him, feeling rather blue-faced and Brendon just smiles. "Spencer's into men. You're into men. You're close friends. He can be your first. He'll be good with to you." Then Brendon winks and gets off his chair. Jon stays where he is until he hears the front door close and even then, it takes him a few minutes to get up and leave the kitchen.
Spencer comes home later with a vaguely shocked expression on his face and Jon just nods. "Did you... did Brendon?" Spencer asks and Jon nods. Spencer laughs a little and Jon smiles, because there's not really much else that they can do about the situation.
"To be fair to him, if it was a choice between the two of you, I'd choose you," Jon says and sort of immediately regrets it. A familiar blush settles over Spencer's face and he wants to rewind time for just those few seconds so he can be a normal human being that doesn't allude to his stupid desires to get inside bandmates' pants. Or just, you know, one bandmate's pants. It's the same principle.
"Yeah, well, I'm the one that's interested in men," Spencer says and walks off in a way that resembles someone trying to saunter and run away all at the same time. Jon spends most of the time that it takes Spencer to get down the hallway contemplating whether to follow him or not. He decides against it, largely because he wants to go and smack a wall for a little while, just until his brain gets a grip on his mouth.
**
The thing is, everything would be alright if they weren't going on tour in three days. If Jon was in Chicago and you know, not living with Spencer until they shove themselves into a confined bus with one matchmaker band mate and another who thinks love with cure all. Admittedly, Jon thinks that love is awesome, but Ryan is actually convinced that his love for Keltie causes their albums to sell. It's kind of creepy.
Jon spends most of the three days trying very hard not to look at Spencer and the rest of it packing.
**
The first time Spencer smacks his ass, all Jon gets is a "good luck" and the view of the back of his neck, as the blush creeps over it and he climbs on stage. Later, Spencer won't look at him and Jon gets worried about what Brendon's stupid suggestion has done to Spencer.
The next time, it's not really a smack, more of a grope. Both of them are drunk and joking around with some of the techs. Jon already knows some of them on a tech level from other tours, which gives him a completely different in. Spencer seems happy about being accepted into the group, even if they are laughing at him talking about how fabulous Jon's ass is.
"It's round and pert, but not too big, like Brendon's." He slurs and Jon can feel himself blushing under the attention. Cassie was generally quite reserved about talking to other people about him, and he's never really had another committed relationship. Not that Spencer and him are in a committed relationship. Spencer's stopped talking now, and Jon is kind of enternally gratefully, except for how now there's a hand squeezing his ass. "Mmm, nice." Spencer mumbles and slumps into Jon's side.
"Go play the saviour, jackass. Your boyfriend needs his bed," one of the techs says and it takes Jon a second to realise that it's not a joke. He rubs his neck, slides his hand under Spencer's legs and very slowly stands. He feels kind of stupid, but Jon knows that James - the tech - is right. Spencer is almost passed out, and Jon's lucky that Spencer's light to begin with, because everyone knows that drunks are heavy.
They get back to the bus before Ryan and Brendon, which is a novelty, but also very useful. Jon manages to get most of Spencer's clothes off and into his bunk with minimal interference. Jon goes to close the curtain, but Spencer's hand wraps around his wrist.
"Lie down with me?" Spencer asks, so Jon climbs into the bunk with him. Spencer smiles and moves forward, pressing his face into Jon's neck. "Why did you carry me back?" he asks, mumbling the question into Jon's skin. It takes Jon a little while to figure out why he had. He could have persuaded Spencer to walk, or have called Zack. He hadn't had to do it.
"Because that's what boyfriends do," he says. He's not sure what he expects Spencer to say to that, but the small snore that he releases is better than most of the scenarios that are floating through Jon's head. He kisses Spencer's forehead and gently removes himself from under his body. He tugs off his jeans and slides into his own bunk. "Goodnight, Spence."
**
The third time, it's not even a grope. Jon's talking to Brendon in the kitchen and Spencer slips up behind him and slides his hands into Jon's back pockets and leans his body close to Jon's so he can place his chin on Jon's shoulder. Brendon grins at the two of them and excuses himself with the most ridiculous reason that Jon's ever heard. The door shuts and the two of them stay still before Spencer manoeuvres himself in front of Jon.
"Hey," Spencer says, quietly, like he's scared of what will happen if he speaks loud enough for anyone other than the two of them to hear.
"Hey," Jon replies, because there's not much else he can think to say. He's never been in this position with anyone before. He doesn't want to screw up their relationship and - because somehow this comes second - his goddamn band if he makes the wrong move. Jon doesn't think he will, but there's always the chance that this is what being Spencer's friend is like, once he's really accepted you. He knows, rationally, that it's not. He's never seen Spencer act like this before, and that's kind of scary. For all that Spencer's interesting and original, after a while, he's fairly predictable and this is just throwing all Jon's sensors out of wack.
Then Spencer kisses him. Which is not at all what Jon had been expecting. He'd been expecting Spencer to grin that stupid grin of his and walk away, swinging his stupid hips in front of Jon. Like he did, all the time. That's the vision that's passing through his mind when he gets his other hand on the kitchen counter, blocking Spencer in, and pushes Spencer against it with his hips. Spencer groans and takes one hand from his ass, sliding it up into Jon's hair. Jon grins into the kiss and opens his mouth up for Spencer to explore. It's strange, because he's been missing out all this time when he could have been doing this with Spencer.
Jon slips a hand under Spencer's shirt and rests it against the curve in his back, just above his ass. He pulls Spencer's hips into his own and it's only Spencer pulling back with dark eyes and red lips that makes him stop there.
"Not here. Not here," Jon says and Spencer nods, but ducks his head to mouth at Jon's jaw all the same. Jon grunts, pulls Spencer's face up to his own for one last kiss and pushes himself forcibly away. Spencer sighs, rubbing his hands against his thighs, which just draw Jon's eyes down. Jesus, why did he pull away? "Anyone could find us. We don't know what we're doing." Jon says, staring at Spencer's mouth. Spencer purses it, then smirks, because he knows that Jon's looking.
"Ok," he says, "A week. You've got a week to wait until we've got a hotel night." Jon's throat dries and he tries to say anything about that thought, but all he can think about is Spencer laid out on his bed, just for him. He's not sure he can wait a week for that, but he'll try.
**
It's not a week as such. In fact, it's six days, but those six days are the longest of his life. He takes to staring at Spencer at inappropriate times in the day, just to remind him that those six days are worth waiting through. In direct correlation, Spencer just makes him want them to go quicker and he's back to square one all over again. He's been sneaking into Spencer's bunk for the past three days, not to do anything, but to sleep. And maybe make-out, just a little. He feels comfortable with Spencer, and that makes this all a little easier. He still fumbles a little when they're lying together and Jon can feel Spencer's dick hard against his leg. He feels stupid, because it's meant to be easier now that he knows, but it's not. He still doesn't really know what he's meant to be doing and he spends half of the time asking Spencer if he's alright. Spencer just rolls his eyes and grinds up against Jon, as if that answers all his questions.
It kind of does. Sometimes Jon forgets he was asking at all and they're kissing again like nothing had happened. Nothing does happen, not for the first three days. They kiss and rub and Jon pulls back before they get very far. He feels like this ridiculous blushing virgin all over again, even though he's not been one for a long time. Spencer just smiles at him with bruised lips and presses his back to Jon's chest so that they can sleep. Jon doesn't mind sleeping like this, all tucked up in a space that is nowhere near big enough for the two of them, but is nice all the same.
Jon has always woken before the boys - something that's left over from his teching days - and he makes coffee for them all before anyone else even begins to stir. Spencer always looks at him a little hurt, but Jon knows that until they've got everything sorted out, he's not sure he wants to let the world know just where he's sleeping.
**
"I never liked going down on her. On any of them. I didn't like looking at their breasts. I loved when Cass had no make-up on, her hair pulled back and my clothes on," he says and Spencer just looks up from his book. They hadn't been talking; in fact, Jon hadn't even been in the room. Which is why this is so strange. Spencer puts his book on the floor and waits for Jon to come and sit down next to him. Jon kind of feeling like he's answering the question that Spencer never asked. The one that Tom hadn't wanted to know and the reason why Cass had figured it out. "I liked it when they were on their hands and knees, because it was all smooth, flat skin. I never really thought that it meant something else, just that that was what I liked."
"You want to know how I found out?" Spencer asks, leaning into Jon's shoulder just a little bit. Jon nods and Spencer wrings his hands before sighing. "It's stupid, but it's true. I had a huge crush on Brendon. Well, I had a crush on his ass." Spencer chuckles under his breath and keeps going. "You see, I was never really close enough to any guy other than Ryan and he's kind of like my brother. And apparently, I have this huge kink for asses. Even on girls. So, Ryan, with his lovely feminine features and stick like body never alerted me to anything, because I never fancied him. But Brendon, jesus, with the spider monkey complex that boy has." Spencer whistles a little and Jon gets it. He doesn't know how he couldn't just put two and two together, like Spencer had, but he gets it.
"Cassie bought a strap-on. Right at the end. And I probably found out then. It was better than any sex with her had ever been," Jon blurts out before he can stop himself and Spencer looks up at him, startled. Jon smiles, unsure of what to do now, but Spencer just grins and presses forward to kiss him.
"You don't even know what you do to me," Spencer says and Jon just shakes his head, because he doesn't.
**
Coda by redsnake05
Interlude: Spencer's view
Spencer won't admit it, but he's been worried about this for days. Since the morning he kissed Jon, at least, maybe longer. He's been worried that this is when Jon will realise that it's all been a mistake, and even if he is actually gay, he's not gay for Spencer. But he pushes that down, because the last thing that Jon needs right now is to have Spencer betraying his nerves when it's obvious that he's anxious enough about tonight for both of them.
Spencer wants, though. He looks at Jon and thinks about what it will be like when Jon is naked underneath him, wondering if the flush that spreads over his cheeks will spread all the way down his chest, if Spencer will be able to press kisses to hot skin and listen to his breathy moans and pleas. So when Zack distributes the key cards and blandly announces that Jon and Spencer are sharing, Spencer pockets the thing and glares at Brendon a little. He looks at Jon, at the way he looks down at his key card and then up at Spencer, the way he swallows hard, and wonders if Jon has only just realised that tonight isn't just going to be kissing and snuggles.
Jon opts to stay downstairs and have a drink with Ryan, who's deep in protracted thought over some flowery metaphor or other. Spencer doesn't care, Ryan can have as many overwrought figures of speech as he likes. He takes both their bags and goes to the room by himself, not sure if the break is good or bad. Good, because he can get things ready, but bad because each moment that passes is another in which he can worry more. Dropping the bags on the bed furthest from the window, Spencer switches on the lamp by the other bed and pulls back the quilt. He wants things to be nice for Jon. Then he looks at the bottom sheet, the expanse of white cotton, and hastily pulls up the quilt again. It seems a little presumptous, even though he had Jon in his lap earlier in the day, kissing and grinding against him with wanton abandon. He stashes condoms and lube in the top drawer of the dresser by the bed though. That's just forethought.
Sitting on the spare bed, he unlaces his shoes and takes them off, along with his socks. The carpet feels good on his bare feet. Padding into the bathroom, he wets a washcloth under the hot tap and wrings it out, leaving it damp on the little tray that usually houses the soaps. He's determined to be thoughtful, so he leaves it on the dresser too, hoping that it doesn't cool down too much before Jon gets here and gets into a state that requires a cloth.
The door opens and Jon comes in, a faint flush high on his cheeks. He looks partly anticipatory, partly scared shitless, and he kicks off his flip flops by the door before just standing there awkwardly. He crosses his arms over his chest and then drops them to his sides again before settling them on his hips. All Spencer's uncertainties fade and all he thinks of is getting Jon to look more comfortable, preferably naked. Crossing the room, he takes Jon's hands and tugs a little. Jon looks up at him with a little rueful smile, as if he realises that he's being just faintly ridiculous.
"I'm nervous?" he says, a questioning inflection at the end, and Spencer laughs a little, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.
"Don't be," Spencer replies. "Making out has been pretty awesome. This is going to be better." Jon smiles properly then and squeezes Spencer's fingers.
"Okay," he said. "Should I get naked now?"
"I definitely want us both to get naked," said Spencer. "But how about we kiss for a little bit first?" He sees a blust start to creep across Jon's cheeks, as if he's worried that he's done something wrong. He kisses Jon's nose, then his lips. "I want to take my time," he says, aiming for somewhere between reassuring and dirty. "I've thought about you, thought about this." Jon's blush deepens, but his smile is wide, too, so Spencer thinks he got something right. Tilting his face, Jon licks his lips and looks at Spencer, eyes dark and heavy-lidded.
"So kiss me then," he says. Spencer doesn't wait for a second invitation. He drops Jon's hands to cradle his hips instead, matching the slant of Jon's lips perfectly. They're good at this, Spencer knows they are. He knows just how Jon likes to kiss, with teeth just this side of too rough and the lush slide of Spencer's tongue over his lower lip. They kiss for long minutes, until Jon's fingers in Spencer's hair start tugging roughly. Then Spencer moves his hands to ruck up Jon's t-shirt, breaking the kiss to slide it over his head and discard it. Tugging off his own t-shirt impatiently, Spencer drops that on the floor too and reaches for Jon again. He curls his hands over Jon's shoulders, bending his head to mouth wet kisses from his collarbone down the centre of his chest. He licks over one nipple and then the other, listening to Jon's helpless intake of breath.
"Bed now?" asks Jon and Spencer smiles up at him. He walks over and pulls back the covers before he unbuttons his jeans and shoves them down his legs, kicking them off when they pool around his ankles. Jon's gaze is fixed on him, eyes wide but so, so hungry. His cheeks are flushed and his hair is messed up; Spencer wants to kiss him again.
"Come here," he says, holding out his hands. Jon bites his lip and comes closer, letting Spencer draw him in and kiss him gently. Spencer keeps his lips soft as he fumbles with the button and zipper, but they push the denim down together. Everywhere their skin touches, when Spencer pulls Jon close, feels like it's going to burn off him, fusing him and Jon together in a tangle of heat and nerve endings. He moves back, pulling Jon along with him, trying to get them both on the bed without losing any contact. Jon laughs softly into Spencer's neck, but he doesn't stop moving with Spencer, tumbling onto the bed and rolling so they are pressed together from head to toe. Spencer's on top, grinding down into Jon without thought. Jon gasps and his hands clutch Spencer's hips as he arches into the friction. Kissing again, wild kisses that are wet and graceless, Spencer wants to be even closer. He wants Jon to fuck him, this time, with Spencer riding him so they are both free to touch, free to look at each other.
Sitting up, Spencer straddles Jon's thighs. He gets lost for a moment in the heave of Jon's chest, the way his flush is all the way down his neck now and creeping along his collarbones. Bending his head again, he presses kisses along the bones and hollows, down Jon's chest. Fingers clutching tight and releasing, Jon holds on to Spencer's arms and pushes into each touch. He's making little noises, stifled like he's holding them in, like he's ashamed.
"I like hearing you," mumbles Spencer into the skin of his belly. "I can't wait to hear what you sound like when I'm riding you." He looks up Jon's body to see him staring back at Spencer. He's never been very good at dirty talk, but the way that Jon is responding to everything he says makes Spencer want to tell him everything. About all the times he's looked at Jon since he's known him, since the day they met and Spencer tumbled headlong into love with him. About how he'd wanted this to be true and how it had hurt him that he thought he'd never get Jon. He presses a kiss to Jon's belly button and looks up at him again. "You're everything I ever thought you'd be," he says instead.
Jon tugs Spencer up again, kissing him needily. "I never even knew I needed you," he says. Spencer smiles against his lips, letting go of his past worries and concentrating on Jon, here and now underneath him. He draws back once more and wriggles his boxers down and off, edging the waistband of Jon's down too until he lifts his hips and lets Spencer drag them off. Reaching over, Spencer pulls the lube and condoms out of the drawer where he'd stashed them. Jon raises an eyebrow and smiles. "Prepared?" he asks.
"You like me to think of everything," Spencer says. "Sit back against the pillows a little more." Jon wriggles backwards and up as Spencer gets the wrapper off the little bottle. Squeezing some onto his fingers, he reaches behind him and slides a finger inside. He gasps and tips his head back, enjoying the feeling right now, but loving the thought of where this was going to end more. He withdraws and comes back with two, slick and a slow stretch inside him. Jon's watching him, eyes riveted to where Spencer's fingers are moving. He can't see much, but Spencer arches his back and strokes over his skin to give Jon a show. He moans softly as he thumbs over his nipples, then again as he strokes his cock, light and teasingly. He adds another finger and more lube, stretching harder. It feels good.
"Fuck," whispers Jon. He's watching, Spencer knows he is without looking, but he wants to see the lust in his eyes anyway. He opens his eyes and Jon has his hands fisted in the sheets. His eyes are wide and hot and his lips are shiny, like he's been licking them. "Can I?" he asks, and Spencer knows what he wants. He grins and slides his own fingers out, grabbing the lube and handing it to Jon.
"Start with two," he says. He leans forward and kisses Jon's throat, mouths up to his ear to bite gently on the lobe. "I've thought about you fucking me with your fingers," he whispers. Jon gasps and a smear of lube goes down Spencer's thigh as his hand slips. Jon gets two fingers wet and slides them under Spencer, twisting them just inside his entrance. Spencer moans and squirms in his lap and Jon's other hand tightens on his hip.
"Be still," he says, voice strained. Spencer moans again as Jon's fingers work in, stretching him further. He fumbles on the bed for a condom, fingers slipping on the wrapper. He curses low and fervently as he wrestles with it, eventually tearing it with his teeth as Jon laughs breathlessly. The condom is intact, though, and Jon's laugh breaks on a groan as Spencer rolls it down his cock.
"Three fingers," he says, biting Jon's neck and thumbing over one of his nipples with his clean hand. Jon complies, tipping his head back to give Spencer more room to kiss him. Spencer loves how Jon's fingers feel inside him, how they move and spread him, even though it's an awkward angle and he can't get very deep. It's a good thing that he can't reach Spencer's prostate. Spencer is strung out and desperate enough. "Now," he gasps. "Fuck, Jon, I need...." He trails off as Jon removes his fingers grips Spencer's hips. It's messy, lube smeared on both of them, but Spencer doesn't care, and neither does Jon, judging by the way his fingers dig in to Spencer's skin.
"Like this?" he asks, and Spencer smiles as he shifts, moving up and into position. He holds Jon's cock steady and sinks down onto it. Jon's hands clench tight on Spencer's hips and his mouth drops open on a long groan. Spencer goes steadily, feeling his cheeks flush hot, his whole skin burning hectic bright, frantic for more. He feels so good, straddling Jon's lap and looking down at him, the way Jon's expression is rapt, wanton. "Oh, fuck," Jon whispers, and Spencer leans forward to lick the words out of his mouth.
It's not much of a kiss; Spencer can't quite coordinate more than the open press of lips together. But he starts to move his hips, sliding up a little and then back, and Jon whimpers into Spencer's mouth, a beautiful noise that makes Spencer want to hear it again. He moves, hands braced on the headboard behind Jon, concentrating on the drag of Jon's cock inside him. It feels good, stretching him and pressing on his prostate when he tilts just the right way.
Spencer knows he's making noises, moans and half-broken words that don't even start to encompass the way he feels. He's in a hotel room bed on top of Jon, who's gasping and rocking up to meet each of Spencer's movements, and it's more than he could ever have dreamed of. He's close, so close, and Jon is too. He wishes it could last longer, even as his body moves faster, as Jon groans his name and holds him so tight he's sure to leave bruises. Spencer looks at Jon, at every sweaty, dishevelled, straining inch of his body, and he thinks Mine. That's the thought that takes him over the edge, making him grind down hard and clench tight, coming between them with a hiss and a moan. Jon's right there too, saying Spencer's name over and over as he comes.
The heat of Jon's fingers soothing down his spine feels good and Spencer groans as he realises he has to move. He does, though, holding onto the base of the condom as he lifts off Jon and flops down, spread out on his back like he's seeing stars for the first time at night. He looks at Jon and levers himself into a sitting position, reaching over to help with the condom before grabbing the cloth and cleaning them both carefully. Jon's grinning hard, even if it is a little sleepy, and Spencer feels the matching smile on his face.
"So that's gay sex," says Jon.
"Yep," says Spencer. "Now we have gay snuggling." He lies back down and tugs Jon close. He knows that this experience was something special for Jon, even if he covers it up with flippant words. Jon curls into Spencer's side with his head on Spencer's chest, hand lying there possessively. Spencer waits until Jon's relaxed and pliant under the stroke of his fingers in his hair. "Tomorrow, we'll do this on the bus and traumatise the others." Jon laughs softly.
"You sound so happy about the prospect," he says.
"I want to show you off," Spencer replies. It's true. They haven't been keeping things a secret, but now that they've had sex and Spencer is sure Jon's not going to change his mind, Spencer knows that he's not going to be able to stop touching him incessantly for a long time. He wants to learn every inch of Jon, all his quirks, wants to learn him as a lover. He's looking forward to it.
**
In the morning, Spencer holds his hand and refuses to let go, even when they meet Brendon, Ryan and Zac for breakfast. Zac looks up at them and holds his hand out to Brendon and Ryan, who grumble as they both reach for their wallets in their stupidly tight jeans. Jon chuckles a little under his breath as they sit down, but he knows that Spencer's pulled out his best bitchface.
"You assholes. Betting on other people's love lives is unfair," he says and the other three just shrug as if it doesn't really matter. Spencer's bet on them all before, whether it was during recording, or touring, so there's not much he can say on the subject. They eat breakfast in relative silence, with Spencer's hand on his leg the entire time. Jon grins around his fork for most of breakfast, even when Ryan figures it out and leaves. This was probably why Spencer was doing it, but that's alright with Jon.
They have bus call in fifteen minutes, so they eat up and get coffee to go. They have a machine on the bus, but Jon's been dying to use the one on the counter since they walked into the room. It's new and he's a little confused at first, but it's pretty and it makes damn good coffee.
They hold hands again on the way to the bus. Jon loves feeling like this is the most casual and comfortable thing he's ever done with Spencer, that this is the thing that connects them the most. Walking to the bus on a cold winter morning, holding hands through fingerless gloves and drinking coffee.
"Why are we...?" Jon says eventually, holding their hands up between them and Spencer stops in the middle of the parking lot, grinning. He steps closer to Jon and leans in to whisper in his ear, as if it's something only they should hear.
"Because that's what boyfriends do."
Pairing: Spencer/Jon (side Jon/Tom and Jon/Cassie)
Rating: NC-17
Prompt: 120 - Jon and Cassie break up and Jon starts to have a bit of a sexual identity crisis. He gets kind of drunk with Tom and ends up hitting on him and Tom's all 'I would be your boyfriend forever if I liked guys, but I just don't :('. Maybe he kisses Jon a bit to help him figure it all out though. Anyway obviously Jon is kind of sad afterwards because he is still lacking a hot boy to make out with on a regular basis. Cue a concerned member of his band who gets him to admit all this and then decides that HE will be Jon's bf! It's kind of a joke to make Jon feel better at first but then he gets more and more attracted and friendly ass pats and kisses become more 'so this is nice' than 'yay self-esteem boost for you'. And of course all those leave Jon in various states of turned on and confused and 'man, why do the hot ones always TEASE ME?' ;_; etc. etc.
Summary: Jon finds himself with the help of an ex, a best friend and a boyfriend.
Notes: Coda was written as a huge favour, because I CAN'T WRITE UN-ANGSTY SEX, by redsnake05 and is wonderful. You will love it.
THIS IS LATE BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE FAINTED IN A CLUB. IT WAS TERRIFYING. FORGIVENESS?
"Jonny, I love you. You've got to know that I love you. But this isn't working, was never going to work really." Jon's crying and he doesn't understand why Cassie's not. She's just sitting there next to him, holding onto his hand. He grips it harder, just to know she's still there and turns to face her properly. He knows he must look a mess, but he doesn't care right now. "You've just repressed so much and you're falling apart because of it."
"Cass, baby, come on. This is ridiculous. I don't even know what you're talking about." Cassie sighs and leans her head against his shoulder. He honestly doesn't know what she's talking about and it's the worst feeling that he's ever experienced. "You can't just leave me in the dark here. I want to know. I need a reason." He's raising his voice, he knows. Cassie has actually moved away from him and is glaring at him.
"I've already told you Jon. You need to pull your head out of your ass and just be who you are." She's shouting now too and he hates it. He hates that what she sees isn't so clear to him. He can't be left in the dark about this.
"You're just ignoring me. Why won't you tell me?" he says, standing. She's standing too, walking away from him, but she turns and looks at him almost softly. "What's wrong with me? What's wrong with us?" Cassie shakes her head and turns again.
"Go make-out with your band, you'll soon figure it out." And then she's gone and Jon's left there to wallow in his own misery and curiosity.
**
"This is shit," Jon says, finally wrestling the JD bottle off of Tom and taking a swig. He's drunk, very drunk and he's just starting to realise how Tom might have felt, except he's not lost his life as well as his partner. "She said that I needed to figure myself out. What a pile of shit. I bet she's fucking seeing someone and just used me as an excuse." Tom takes the bottle back and curls up into Jon's body. It's nice. "She said I should make out my band and it would make sense. Guh, I fucking hate women."
"Yeah, that's the reason she broke up with you, dude." Tom shifts against Jon and he looks down at him. Tom's head is bent back so that he can see Jon's face properly and all it's showing him is confusion. "Dude, you didn't know?" Tom starts laughing then, actually properly hunches over forever and cackles. Jon can't really see what's funny about this. His girlfriend just broke up with him but refuse to tell him why and he's seeking out his best friend to help him by getting tanked and slagging her off. Jon pushes at him a few times before Tom stops laughing and turns to him. "Ok, just..." Tom looks closely at Jon's face and frowns. "I don't do this for just anyone, ok. Just, come here." And then Tom kisses him.
It's not life altering, there's no spark, but it's different. It's not like kissing Cassie or any other girl. It's rougher, harder, better. The mechanics are almost the same but the situation is what is changing it for him. Jon kisses Tom back, gently, because he knows that this is special and just for him and he's grateful that this is his realisation. Other people have tears and sadness and Jon gets kissing an attractive man. Tom pulls away after a few moments and Jon's sad that it's over.
"So?" Tom says, clearing his throat. Jon looks at his hands which are resting on Tom's shoulders, and starts laughing.
"I get it," he says when he's finished. Tom looks a little put off, like he thinks Jon doesn't understand why he was laughing. "No, it's not like that. No, thank you. Seriously thank you." He says and pats one of Tom's hands, because he's not exactly sure what's allowed between them any more. "It's just that after all the love that floats around in the group, it takes both you and Cassie to actually physically put me right. Jesus Christ." He laughs again, just a little and leans back against the sofa, hand over his eyes.
"Well, fuck," Tom says and tips his head onto Jon's shoulder. Jon jumps a little bit, but leans his head on Tom's all the same. "I didn't think that would be what did it," Tom says and Jon just hums, because he didn't think it would be anything.
**
"Jesus fuck," Spencer says and Jon just puts his head in his hands. That's exactly what he didn't want to hear. He's not exactly sure what he does want to hear, but that wasn't it. "You sure?" he asks and Jon just nods against his hands. He feels a hand on his shoulder, and he turns to see Spencer with a small smile on his face. "Well, it's nice to know that Ryan's gay-dar is still working." Jon laughs a little and leans into Spencer's shoulder.
"Thanks, man," he says, sitting back against the sofa. "It's weird, other people knowing. I mean, I've been so convinced that I'm straight for so long and now..." Spencer leans back next to Jon and bumps their knees. "Jesus fuck is right."
"It's nice to see you though," Spencer says, letting his head lie against the back of the sofa and Jon's arm. "Is this the reason you're in Vegas?" Spencer asks, looking at the ceiling. Jon looks over at his face and he's not quite sure what to make of that expression.
"Not really. I wanted to see you, and the guys. But I figured you'd be the person that I'd need to talk to about this," Jon says, smiling at Spencer. Spencer had been the first to come out as bisexual, had come out to Ryan when they were still in high school and he's the only person that Jon knows who actually dates men and women openly. Most of the DecayDance crowd are flirtatious, but they hold true to the Pete Wentz view on sexuality.
"Yeah, well, that's me. LGBT councillor to the masses." Spencer laughs and turns properly towards Jon, crossing one of his legs in front of him. "So, why now?" he asks, and Jon's not surprised in any sense of the word. It was the first thing that Jon expected Spencer to ask him.
"Cassie might have thrown me out and told me to go make out with my band." He looks at Spencer and realises what he'd just said. "I mean, that's not why I'm here. I've already had an introduction to men from Tom." He laughs, loudly and unsure, until he sees that Spencer's not laughing with him.
"You kissed Tom?" Spencer asks, his voice low and quiet. "You don't do that." He says and Jon gets it. He's always been the one that takes the drunken guy home at night, not the one that's making out in a corner of the bus. Tom was the first and last kiss from a man that Jon's ever received.
"Yeah, well, apparently, now I do."
**
When Brendon finds out that Jon's in town, he spends most of his time at Spencer's apartment. Spencer grumbles about having too many people in his house and how he really he shouldn't have to feed all of them. he smiles at Jon after he says it, so Jon figures he's not actually that upset about him staying. As compensation, he takes Brendon to Port of Subs to make up for it. He's tells Brendon on the way back and has to correct his steering when he actually says it. By the tie they get back to the house, he's blathering about how awesome it's going to be to talk to one of his gay friends about boys for once. Jon has to actually remind Brendon that he's not gay as well, and that Spencer's been out for a lot longer than Jon.
"Spence, Spence, do you know?" he says when they get back to Spencer's, rocketing out of the car and up the stairs, leaving Jon's to gather their food and lock up. Spencer's face is nearing his most commonly used bitchface by the time that Jon gets in and shoves the food into his arms.
"Of course I know," Spencer says and retreats to the kitchen to eat. Brendon shrugs at Jon and follows after, before Jon can stop him, or can do anything about Spencer's mood. They eat in stony silence, with Brendon making noises about his sub, whilst Jon tries to get Spencer to be pleasant. They've all dealt with Spencer's moods before, but Jon can't think of anything to have brought it on. He's usually got a fully understandable reason for it or Ryan knows what's going on. But Ryan's not in town, he's visiting Keltie, and Jon can't figure Spencer out. He supposes he'll need to call Ryan and tell him soon, so that he doesn't complain too much about being the last to know.
"So, you need a boyfriend now, right?" Brendon says, as he wipes the crumbs from his face and Jon looks towards him, frowning. Spencer chokes on his sub and Brendon has to reach around him to pat him on the back. "You alright?" Brendon asks Spencer and Spencer just scowls. Brendon grins at him, and then turns back to Jon without waiting to see if Spencer was really ok. "I mean, you want to experiment and stuff, and you need someone to experiment with?" Jon kind of gapes at Brendon and tries to think of something appropriate to say. Something that says: "Yes, but not you," but in a way that also says: "I love you and you're my best friend, but you can shut up now." Jon looks to Spencer, but doesn't find any help in his face, in his eyes. "I'll be your boyfriend, Jon Walker," Brendon says and Jon can't think of anything to say.
"No," says Spencer and both of the other men turn to him. Brendon slips a little in his chair when he does so and has to grab onto the counter to stop himself falling off it. The stools they're sitting on aren't really built for energetic swivelling. Spencer's face is set and Jon's rather worried for Brendon's safety. He's never been happy about Brendon and Ryan playing about with aspects of his sexuality and now, Jon can really understand why.
Brendon doesn't say anything else on the subject and Jon decides that it's done with.
**
"So, I was thinking about it," Brendon says, when it's just him and Jon. "You should get with Spencer." This time, Jon's the one choking. He should know not to drink when Brendon's talking. Brendon waits patiently until he's finished coughing, which is not actually that helpful. Jon looks up at him, feeling rather blue-faced and Brendon just smiles. "Spencer's into men. You're into men. You're close friends. He can be your first. He'll be good with to you." Then Brendon winks and gets off his chair. Jon stays where he is until he hears the front door close and even then, it takes him a few minutes to get up and leave the kitchen.
Spencer comes home later with a vaguely shocked expression on his face and Jon just nods. "Did you... did Brendon?" Spencer asks and Jon nods. Spencer laughs a little and Jon smiles, because there's not really much else that they can do about the situation.
"To be fair to him, if it was a choice between the two of you, I'd choose you," Jon says and sort of immediately regrets it. A familiar blush settles over Spencer's face and he wants to rewind time for just those few seconds so he can be a normal human being that doesn't allude to his stupid desires to get inside bandmates' pants. Or just, you know, one bandmate's pants. It's the same principle.
"Yeah, well, I'm the one that's interested in men," Spencer says and walks off in a way that resembles someone trying to saunter and run away all at the same time. Jon spends most of the time that it takes Spencer to get down the hallway contemplating whether to follow him or not. He decides against it, largely because he wants to go and smack a wall for a little while, just until his brain gets a grip on his mouth.
**
The thing is, everything would be alright if they weren't going on tour in three days. If Jon was in Chicago and you know, not living with Spencer until they shove themselves into a confined bus with one matchmaker band mate and another who thinks love with cure all. Admittedly, Jon thinks that love is awesome, but Ryan is actually convinced that his love for Keltie causes their albums to sell. It's kind of creepy.
Jon spends most of the three days trying very hard not to look at Spencer and the rest of it packing.
**
The first time Spencer smacks his ass, all Jon gets is a "good luck" and the view of the back of his neck, as the blush creeps over it and he climbs on stage. Later, Spencer won't look at him and Jon gets worried about what Brendon's stupid suggestion has done to Spencer.
The next time, it's not really a smack, more of a grope. Both of them are drunk and joking around with some of the techs. Jon already knows some of them on a tech level from other tours, which gives him a completely different in. Spencer seems happy about being accepted into the group, even if they are laughing at him talking about how fabulous Jon's ass is.
"It's round and pert, but not too big, like Brendon's." He slurs and Jon can feel himself blushing under the attention. Cassie was generally quite reserved about talking to other people about him, and he's never really had another committed relationship. Not that Spencer and him are in a committed relationship. Spencer's stopped talking now, and Jon is kind of enternally gratefully, except for how now there's a hand squeezing his ass. "Mmm, nice." Spencer mumbles and slumps into Jon's side.
"Go play the saviour, jackass. Your boyfriend needs his bed," one of the techs says and it takes Jon a second to realise that it's not a joke. He rubs his neck, slides his hand under Spencer's legs and very slowly stands. He feels kind of stupid, but Jon knows that James - the tech - is right. Spencer is almost passed out, and Jon's lucky that Spencer's light to begin with, because everyone knows that drunks are heavy.
They get back to the bus before Ryan and Brendon, which is a novelty, but also very useful. Jon manages to get most of Spencer's clothes off and into his bunk with minimal interference. Jon goes to close the curtain, but Spencer's hand wraps around his wrist.
"Lie down with me?" Spencer asks, so Jon climbs into the bunk with him. Spencer smiles and moves forward, pressing his face into Jon's neck. "Why did you carry me back?" he asks, mumbling the question into Jon's skin. It takes Jon a little while to figure out why he had. He could have persuaded Spencer to walk, or have called Zack. He hadn't had to do it.
"Because that's what boyfriends do," he says. He's not sure what he expects Spencer to say to that, but the small snore that he releases is better than most of the scenarios that are floating through Jon's head. He kisses Spencer's forehead and gently removes himself from under his body. He tugs off his jeans and slides into his own bunk. "Goodnight, Spence."
**
The third time, it's not even a grope. Jon's talking to Brendon in the kitchen and Spencer slips up behind him and slides his hands into Jon's back pockets and leans his body close to Jon's so he can place his chin on Jon's shoulder. Brendon grins at the two of them and excuses himself with the most ridiculous reason that Jon's ever heard. The door shuts and the two of them stay still before Spencer manoeuvres himself in front of Jon.
"Hey," Spencer says, quietly, like he's scared of what will happen if he speaks loud enough for anyone other than the two of them to hear.
"Hey," Jon replies, because there's not much else he can think to say. He's never been in this position with anyone before. He doesn't want to screw up their relationship and - because somehow this comes second - his goddamn band if he makes the wrong move. Jon doesn't think he will, but there's always the chance that this is what being Spencer's friend is like, once he's really accepted you. He knows, rationally, that it's not. He's never seen Spencer act like this before, and that's kind of scary. For all that Spencer's interesting and original, after a while, he's fairly predictable and this is just throwing all Jon's sensors out of wack.
Then Spencer kisses him. Which is not at all what Jon had been expecting. He'd been expecting Spencer to grin that stupid grin of his and walk away, swinging his stupid hips in front of Jon. Like he did, all the time. That's the vision that's passing through his mind when he gets his other hand on the kitchen counter, blocking Spencer in, and pushes Spencer against it with his hips. Spencer groans and takes one hand from his ass, sliding it up into Jon's hair. Jon grins into the kiss and opens his mouth up for Spencer to explore. It's strange, because he's been missing out all this time when he could have been doing this with Spencer.
Jon slips a hand under Spencer's shirt and rests it against the curve in his back, just above his ass. He pulls Spencer's hips into his own and it's only Spencer pulling back with dark eyes and red lips that makes him stop there.
"Not here. Not here," Jon says and Spencer nods, but ducks his head to mouth at Jon's jaw all the same. Jon grunts, pulls Spencer's face up to his own for one last kiss and pushes himself forcibly away. Spencer sighs, rubbing his hands against his thighs, which just draw Jon's eyes down. Jesus, why did he pull away? "Anyone could find us. We don't know what we're doing." Jon says, staring at Spencer's mouth. Spencer purses it, then smirks, because he knows that Jon's looking.
"Ok," he says, "A week. You've got a week to wait until we've got a hotel night." Jon's throat dries and he tries to say anything about that thought, but all he can think about is Spencer laid out on his bed, just for him. He's not sure he can wait a week for that, but he'll try.
**
It's not a week as such. In fact, it's six days, but those six days are the longest of his life. He takes to staring at Spencer at inappropriate times in the day, just to remind him that those six days are worth waiting through. In direct correlation, Spencer just makes him want them to go quicker and he's back to square one all over again. He's been sneaking into Spencer's bunk for the past three days, not to do anything, but to sleep. And maybe make-out, just a little. He feels comfortable with Spencer, and that makes this all a little easier. He still fumbles a little when they're lying together and Jon can feel Spencer's dick hard against his leg. He feels stupid, because it's meant to be easier now that he knows, but it's not. He still doesn't really know what he's meant to be doing and he spends half of the time asking Spencer if he's alright. Spencer just rolls his eyes and grinds up against Jon, as if that answers all his questions.
It kind of does. Sometimes Jon forgets he was asking at all and they're kissing again like nothing had happened. Nothing does happen, not for the first three days. They kiss and rub and Jon pulls back before they get very far. He feels like this ridiculous blushing virgin all over again, even though he's not been one for a long time. Spencer just smiles at him with bruised lips and presses his back to Jon's chest so that they can sleep. Jon doesn't mind sleeping like this, all tucked up in a space that is nowhere near big enough for the two of them, but is nice all the same.
Jon has always woken before the boys - something that's left over from his teching days - and he makes coffee for them all before anyone else even begins to stir. Spencer always looks at him a little hurt, but Jon knows that until they've got everything sorted out, he's not sure he wants to let the world know just where he's sleeping.
**
"I never liked going down on her. On any of them. I didn't like looking at their breasts. I loved when Cass had no make-up on, her hair pulled back and my clothes on," he says and Spencer just looks up from his book. They hadn't been talking; in fact, Jon hadn't even been in the room. Which is why this is so strange. Spencer puts his book on the floor and waits for Jon to come and sit down next to him. Jon kind of feeling like he's answering the question that Spencer never asked. The one that Tom hadn't wanted to know and the reason why Cass had figured it out. "I liked it when they were on their hands and knees, because it was all smooth, flat skin. I never really thought that it meant something else, just that that was what I liked."
"You want to know how I found out?" Spencer asks, leaning into Jon's shoulder just a little bit. Jon nods and Spencer wrings his hands before sighing. "It's stupid, but it's true. I had a huge crush on Brendon. Well, I had a crush on his ass." Spencer chuckles under his breath and keeps going. "You see, I was never really close enough to any guy other than Ryan and he's kind of like my brother. And apparently, I have this huge kink for asses. Even on girls. So, Ryan, with his lovely feminine features and stick like body never alerted me to anything, because I never fancied him. But Brendon, jesus, with the spider monkey complex that boy has." Spencer whistles a little and Jon gets it. He doesn't know how he couldn't just put two and two together, like Spencer had, but he gets it.
"Cassie bought a strap-on. Right at the end. And I probably found out then. It was better than any sex with her had ever been," Jon blurts out before he can stop himself and Spencer looks up at him, startled. Jon smiles, unsure of what to do now, but Spencer just grins and presses forward to kiss him.
"You don't even know what you do to me," Spencer says and Jon just shakes his head, because he doesn't.
**
Coda by redsnake05
Interlude: Spencer's view
Spencer won't admit it, but he's been worried about this for days. Since the morning he kissed Jon, at least, maybe longer. He's been worried that this is when Jon will realise that it's all been a mistake, and even if he is actually gay, he's not gay for Spencer. But he pushes that down, because the last thing that Jon needs right now is to have Spencer betraying his nerves when it's obvious that he's anxious enough about tonight for both of them.
Spencer wants, though. He looks at Jon and thinks about what it will be like when Jon is naked underneath him, wondering if the flush that spreads over his cheeks will spread all the way down his chest, if Spencer will be able to press kisses to hot skin and listen to his breathy moans and pleas. So when Zack distributes the key cards and blandly announces that Jon and Spencer are sharing, Spencer pockets the thing and glares at Brendon a little. He looks at Jon, at the way he looks down at his key card and then up at Spencer, the way he swallows hard, and wonders if Jon has only just realised that tonight isn't just going to be kissing and snuggles.
Jon opts to stay downstairs and have a drink with Ryan, who's deep in protracted thought over some flowery metaphor or other. Spencer doesn't care, Ryan can have as many overwrought figures of speech as he likes. He takes both their bags and goes to the room by himself, not sure if the break is good or bad. Good, because he can get things ready, but bad because each moment that passes is another in which he can worry more. Dropping the bags on the bed furthest from the window, Spencer switches on the lamp by the other bed and pulls back the quilt. He wants things to be nice for Jon. Then he looks at the bottom sheet, the expanse of white cotton, and hastily pulls up the quilt again. It seems a little presumptous, even though he had Jon in his lap earlier in the day, kissing and grinding against him with wanton abandon. He stashes condoms and lube in the top drawer of the dresser by the bed though. That's just forethought.
Sitting on the spare bed, he unlaces his shoes and takes them off, along with his socks. The carpet feels good on his bare feet. Padding into the bathroom, he wets a washcloth under the hot tap and wrings it out, leaving it damp on the little tray that usually houses the soaps. He's determined to be thoughtful, so he leaves it on the dresser too, hoping that it doesn't cool down too much before Jon gets here and gets into a state that requires a cloth.
The door opens and Jon comes in, a faint flush high on his cheeks. He looks partly anticipatory, partly scared shitless, and he kicks off his flip flops by the door before just standing there awkwardly. He crosses his arms over his chest and then drops them to his sides again before settling them on his hips. All Spencer's uncertainties fade and all he thinks of is getting Jon to look more comfortable, preferably naked. Crossing the room, he takes Jon's hands and tugs a little. Jon looks up at him with a little rueful smile, as if he realises that he's being just faintly ridiculous.
"I'm nervous?" he says, a questioning inflection at the end, and Spencer laughs a little, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth.
"Don't be," Spencer replies. "Making out has been pretty awesome. This is going to be better." Jon smiles properly then and squeezes Spencer's fingers.
"Okay," he said. "Should I get naked now?"
"I definitely want us both to get naked," said Spencer. "But how about we kiss for a little bit first?" He sees a blust start to creep across Jon's cheeks, as if he's worried that he's done something wrong. He kisses Jon's nose, then his lips. "I want to take my time," he says, aiming for somewhere between reassuring and dirty. "I've thought about you, thought about this." Jon's blush deepens, but his smile is wide, too, so Spencer thinks he got something right. Tilting his face, Jon licks his lips and looks at Spencer, eyes dark and heavy-lidded.
"So kiss me then," he says. Spencer doesn't wait for a second invitation. He drops Jon's hands to cradle his hips instead, matching the slant of Jon's lips perfectly. They're good at this, Spencer knows they are. He knows just how Jon likes to kiss, with teeth just this side of too rough and the lush slide of Spencer's tongue over his lower lip. They kiss for long minutes, until Jon's fingers in Spencer's hair start tugging roughly. Then Spencer moves his hands to ruck up Jon's t-shirt, breaking the kiss to slide it over his head and discard it. Tugging off his own t-shirt impatiently, Spencer drops that on the floor too and reaches for Jon again. He curls his hands over Jon's shoulders, bending his head to mouth wet kisses from his collarbone down the centre of his chest. He licks over one nipple and then the other, listening to Jon's helpless intake of breath.
"Bed now?" asks Jon and Spencer smiles up at him. He walks over and pulls back the covers before he unbuttons his jeans and shoves them down his legs, kicking them off when they pool around his ankles. Jon's gaze is fixed on him, eyes wide but so, so hungry. His cheeks are flushed and his hair is messed up; Spencer wants to kiss him again.
"Come here," he says, holding out his hands. Jon bites his lip and comes closer, letting Spencer draw him in and kiss him gently. Spencer keeps his lips soft as he fumbles with the button and zipper, but they push the denim down together. Everywhere their skin touches, when Spencer pulls Jon close, feels like it's going to burn off him, fusing him and Jon together in a tangle of heat and nerve endings. He moves back, pulling Jon along with him, trying to get them both on the bed without losing any contact. Jon laughs softly into Spencer's neck, but he doesn't stop moving with Spencer, tumbling onto the bed and rolling so they are pressed together from head to toe. Spencer's on top, grinding down into Jon without thought. Jon gasps and his hands clutch Spencer's hips as he arches into the friction. Kissing again, wild kisses that are wet and graceless, Spencer wants to be even closer. He wants Jon to fuck him, this time, with Spencer riding him so they are both free to touch, free to look at each other.
Sitting up, Spencer straddles Jon's thighs. He gets lost for a moment in the heave of Jon's chest, the way his flush is all the way down his neck now and creeping along his collarbones. Bending his head again, he presses kisses along the bones and hollows, down Jon's chest. Fingers clutching tight and releasing, Jon holds on to Spencer's arms and pushes into each touch. He's making little noises, stifled like he's holding them in, like he's ashamed.
"I like hearing you," mumbles Spencer into the skin of his belly. "I can't wait to hear what you sound like when I'm riding you." He looks up Jon's body to see him staring back at Spencer. He's never been very good at dirty talk, but the way that Jon is responding to everything he says makes Spencer want to tell him everything. About all the times he's looked at Jon since he's known him, since the day they met and Spencer tumbled headlong into love with him. About how he'd wanted this to be true and how it had hurt him that he thought he'd never get Jon. He presses a kiss to Jon's belly button and looks up at him again. "You're everything I ever thought you'd be," he says instead.
Jon tugs Spencer up again, kissing him needily. "I never even knew I needed you," he says. Spencer smiles against his lips, letting go of his past worries and concentrating on Jon, here and now underneath him. He draws back once more and wriggles his boxers down and off, edging the waistband of Jon's down too until he lifts his hips and lets Spencer drag them off. Reaching over, Spencer pulls the lube and condoms out of the drawer where he'd stashed them. Jon raises an eyebrow and smiles. "Prepared?" he asks.
"You like me to think of everything," Spencer says. "Sit back against the pillows a little more." Jon wriggles backwards and up as Spencer gets the wrapper off the little bottle. Squeezing some onto his fingers, he reaches behind him and slides a finger inside. He gasps and tips his head back, enjoying the feeling right now, but loving the thought of where this was going to end more. He withdraws and comes back with two, slick and a slow stretch inside him. Jon's watching him, eyes riveted to where Spencer's fingers are moving. He can't see much, but Spencer arches his back and strokes over his skin to give Jon a show. He moans softly as he thumbs over his nipples, then again as he strokes his cock, light and teasingly. He adds another finger and more lube, stretching harder. It feels good.
"Fuck," whispers Jon. He's watching, Spencer knows he is without looking, but he wants to see the lust in his eyes anyway. He opens his eyes and Jon has his hands fisted in the sheets. His eyes are wide and hot and his lips are shiny, like he's been licking them. "Can I?" he asks, and Spencer knows what he wants. He grins and slides his own fingers out, grabbing the lube and handing it to Jon.
"Start with two," he says. He leans forward and kisses Jon's throat, mouths up to his ear to bite gently on the lobe. "I've thought about you fucking me with your fingers," he whispers. Jon gasps and a smear of lube goes down Spencer's thigh as his hand slips. Jon gets two fingers wet and slides them under Spencer, twisting them just inside his entrance. Spencer moans and squirms in his lap and Jon's other hand tightens on his hip.
"Be still," he says, voice strained. Spencer moans again as Jon's fingers work in, stretching him further. He fumbles on the bed for a condom, fingers slipping on the wrapper. He curses low and fervently as he wrestles with it, eventually tearing it with his teeth as Jon laughs breathlessly. The condom is intact, though, and Jon's laugh breaks on a groan as Spencer rolls it down his cock.
"Three fingers," he says, biting Jon's neck and thumbing over one of his nipples with his clean hand. Jon complies, tipping his head back to give Spencer more room to kiss him. Spencer loves how Jon's fingers feel inside him, how they move and spread him, even though it's an awkward angle and he can't get very deep. It's a good thing that he can't reach Spencer's prostate. Spencer is strung out and desperate enough. "Now," he gasps. "Fuck, Jon, I need...." He trails off as Jon removes his fingers grips Spencer's hips. It's messy, lube smeared on both of them, but Spencer doesn't care, and neither does Jon, judging by the way his fingers dig in to Spencer's skin.
"Like this?" he asks, and Spencer smiles as he shifts, moving up and into position. He holds Jon's cock steady and sinks down onto it. Jon's hands clench tight on Spencer's hips and his mouth drops open on a long groan. Spencer goes steadily, feeling his cheeks flush hot, his whole skin burning hectic bright, frantic for more. He feels so good, straddling Jon's lap and looking down at him, the way Jon's expression is rapt, wanton. "Oh, fuck," Jon whispers, and Spencer leans forward to lick the words out of his mouth.
It's not much of a kiss; Spencer can't quite coordinate more than the open press of lips together. But he starts to move his hips, sliding up a little and then back, and Jon whimpers into Spencer's mouth, a beautiful noise that makes Spencer want to hear it again. He moves, hands braced on the headboard behind Jon, concentrating on the drag of Jon's cock inside him. It feels good, stretching him and pressing on his prostate when he tilts just the right way.
Spencer knows he's making noises, moans and half-broken words that don't even start to encompass the way he feels. He's in a hotel room bed on top of Jon, who's gasping and rocking up to meet each of Spencer's movements, and it's more than he could ever have dreamed of. He's close, so close, and Jon is too. He wishes it could last longer, even as his body moves faster, as Jon groans his name and holds him so tight he's sure to leave bruises. Spencer looks at Jon, at every sweaty, dishevelled, straining inch of his body, and he thinks Mine. That's the thought that takes him over the edge, making him grind down hard and clench tight, coming between them with a hiss and a moan. Jon's right there too, saying Spencer's name over and over as he comes.
The heat of Jon's fingers soothing down his spine feels good and Spencer groans as he realises he has to move. He does, though, holding onto the base of the condom as he lifts off Jon and flops down, spread out on his back like he's seeing stars for the first time at night. He looks at Jon and levers himself into a sitting position, reaching over to help with the condom before grabbing the cloth and cleaning them both carefully. Jon's grinning hard, even if it is a little sleepy, and Spencer feels the matching smile on his face.
"So that's gay sex," says Jon.
"Yep," says Spencer. "Now we have gay snuggling." He lies back down and tugs Jon close. He knows that this experience was something special for Jon, even if he covers it up with flippant words. Jon curls into Spencer's side with his head on Spencer's chest, hand lying there possessively. Spencer waits until Jon's relaxed and pliant under the stroke of his fingers in his hair. "Tomorrow, we'll do this on the bus and traumatise the others." Jon laughs softly.
"You sound so happy about the prospect," he says.
"I want to show you off," Spencer replies. It's true. They haven't been keeping things a secret, but now that they've had sex and Spencer is sure Jon's not going to change his mind, Spencer knows that he's not going to be able to stop touching him incessantly for a long time. He wants to learn every inch of Jon, all his quirks, wants to learn him as a lover. He's looking forward to it.
**
In the morning, Spencer holds his hand and refuses to let go, even when they meet Brendon, Ryan and Zac for breakfast. Zac looks up at them and holds his hand out to Brendon and Ryan, who grumble as they both reach for their wallets in their stupidly tight jeans. Jon chuckles a little under his breath as they sit down, but he knows that Spencer's pulled out his best bitchface.
"You assholes. Betting on other people's love lives is unfair," he says and the other three just shrug as if it doesn't really matter. Spencer's bet on them all before, whether it was during recording, or touring, so there's not much he can say on the subject. They eat breakfast in relative silence, with Spencer's hand on his leg the entire time. Jon grins around his fork for most of breakfast, even when Ryan figures it out and leaves. This was probably why Spencer was doing it, but that's alright with Jon.
They have bus call in fifteen minutes, so they eat up and get coffee to go. They have a machine on the bus, but Jon's been dying to use the one on the counter since they walked into the room. It's new and he's a little confused at first, but it's pretty and it makes damn good coffee.
They hold hands again on the way to the bus. Jon loves feeling like this is the most casual and comfortable thing he's ever done with Spencer, that this is the thing that connects them the most. Walking to the bus on a cold winter morning, holding hands through fingerless gloves and drinking coffee.
"Why are we...?" Jon says eventually, holding their hands up between them and Spencer stops in the middle of the parking lot, grinning. He steps closer to Jon and leans in to whisper in his ear, as if it's something only they should hear.
"Because that's what boyfriends do."