Angelii Essay for thewake-rp
Holiday had always been a kind and strong woman. Nautilus, unfortunately, seems to like testing her, pushing her beyond the brink, and seeing how far her limits can go before she either gives up on humanity or finally cracks. There have been things out of the city’s control, like losing people or having her own fights with others, but there have been a few things that only can happen in Nautilus.
At first, she considered the city and the waking experience to be a second chance for her life. Holiday had been engrossed in her search for a cure and help for her sister back home, that coming to a place with no Nanites or EVOs was a bit of a blessing and she was thankful for the experience. Along the way, she met friends, some old like Rex or Six, and some new, like Drift or Raye. It didn’t take her long to establish herself with the community and find her own little hole to live in.
Among her friends came a young boy, about Rex’s age, named Xavier. He was terrified and confused, a bit of a normal reaction upon Waking, and Holiday quickly went into her mother mode and took him back to her home. She gave him a room, taught him to Bend, and left him to it. The boy, who called her “Holly”, quickly managed to worm his way into her heart and her life. She quickly started considering him her second son next to Rex. Even Six had managed to get in well with the boy and, Holiday believed, that he may have felt the same for him as she did.
Soon after her settlement of a home and a family, Holiday suffered her first death during the Shadow reality storm. Her shadow was haunting her privately over the network, so Holiday decided to confront the monster. Once hearing a warning over the network to not go alone, she decided to do so anyway, to prevent anyone she cared for from hearing the things it was bound to say. The doctor had lashed out to it for its insistent taunting, but it became so overwhelmed that she would care for everyone else except her sister, as she saw it, that it turned into the EVO form of Beverly and killed her. Holiday’s body was displayed in the Northern Plaza, hanging upside down with blood dripping away. It had hurt the people that cared for her even more so, though Xavier took the brunt of it, believing that she had actually died and not knowing Nautilus’ rule on death.
When she returned, he was overjoyed to see her and from then stuck by her at all times. It wasn’t long after that she took a visit home, knowing the risk of not coming back all too well, but she did return. When Xavier also wanted to take his own visit home, she had no qualms about the thought and happily sent him on his way with a hug. So, it was little surprise that her first blow came about when Xavier unknowingly went back to Sleep only a few months after his initial Awakening. Holiday took the loss hard, not even so much as having the chance to say good-bye or making sure he knew how much he had meant to her. The rest of her friends helped her muddle through it and, while she still thinks about him often, is better about it now. After all, she had lost people close to her back home as well.
Right before the boy’s leaving, Holiday had gotten a dog who she named Pato after his suggestion. It means “duck” but she doesn’t know that. Pato has since been overly loved and a bit overly spoiled, since Holiday loves to shower him in affection. Both Six and Drift had the bright idea to train Pato into staying beside her and protecting her at all times, but she hardly minded. She loves the puppy and couldn’t ask for a better companion.
With the small bout of a relaxed sigh off Nautilus, Holiday had managed to get in a breather and made even stronger bonds with the people around her. During this time, Six had gone home and thought himself to be dead, while she knew that he had actually saved her sister from her EVO condition and even leaped so far as to ask Holiday on a date. The same happened in Nautilus and the two grew closer in their relationship. It was also around this time that Drift, rather awkwardly and reluctantly, admitted to having feelings for her. Holiday was somewhat oblivious on the issue, except for Drift’s “subtle as a hammer” techniques. However, she did catch that he didn’t deem himself good enough, because he knew that Six cared as well and “got there first.” Holiday had gotten a bit agitated with the conversation and admitted she did have feelings for him as well, only that her feelings for Six were stronger and, sadly, won out. The Cybertronian seemed to feel no loss for it, and continued to watch over her and care.
A few months before, while Holiday had taken her trip home, an Aeon attacked the city and she missed… pretty much the whole thing, though she knew enough to know the dangers of it. So, when Hekket offered training in Helix during the present day, Holiday took it at a moment’s notice. Only, the training was not at all what was expected. It ended in every voice she had known and cared for, watching Xavier slowly disappear and remain in pain, while they echoed the fact that she can’t save them all. She didn’t appreciate the “training” but it did open her eyes a bit. She realized that some things were out of her hands… but she also realized that she couldn’t help but carry the blame even when things were. It hurt, but she dealt with it, as with everything else.
It became nothing compared to a moment in her life that she only refers to as “November.” The AU reality storm changed her entire family and herself into people that were less than noble. She became someone from V’s world and knew everything he had done as a scientist who had lived in fear of both him and her country. She proclaimed her knowledge over the entire network, but the people still chose to side with him. After all, she was a heartless woman during the storm, casting away her own puppy, hurting Drift’s feelings, and threatening to use Alice as an experiment to test her new biological weapon. It didn’t stop her from seeking V out and demanding an explanation to his actions.
He did explain himself and, since V could talk anyone out of sanity, forced her mind to the brink of becoming normal again. Holiday didn’t know at the time which side of her was real, though, but she could remember one thing. No matter which side was real, Six was in it. She quickly called for him in her moment of vulnerability for his explanations and his strength. She didn’t want to be alone and she felt that she could trust him. But his mind was taken by the storm as well, and he only ended up taking advantage of Holiday’s state and sapping her life energy away through a kiss. Thus, she suffered her second death in the city.
When she returned again, she was unsure of any relationship pertaining to him. She had been coming out of the storm, yet he didn’t so much as flinch when killing her. That thought, and only receiving a text from him as an apology, did enough to drive her away from her own home for a week’s time. During that time, Drift had stayed with her for the most part, who had taken her loss hard and alone, with everyone else being affected and facing their own problems. Somewhere during this time, she found out that Six and Rex had fought in the wake of her death and Six had ended up losing his life as well.
Holiday was unsure of everything. That strength that belonged to her before had been destroyed with the feeling of betrayal, even though she didn’t blame Six, but blamed herself more than anyone. Even after he had sought her out and brought her home, things remained shaky between them. Holiday was fragile and unsure of her opinion, unsure on if Six cared for her or hated her, unsure of herself and whether or not she was even wanted. During this time and her state of mind, she ran across a young boy, Ioann, he had the same feelings as she did, only tenfold and he was angry about it. He forced her to face her feelings down, even if she dared to not touch them yet.
Soon after, Rex had taken a trip home and returned with unwanted news. Six had lost his memory. Not only that, but Providence, their home, had taken a terrible nosedive. From Rex’s point in their timeline, he had no idea if Holiday or Six were dead or alive. They had both agreed to not tell Six of the events afterwards, for fear that he would return home and lose his memories of them and of Nautilus. Holiday agreed to it more so for him to not lose his memories of Rex. While she wasn’t sure of his feelings towards her, she knew that he loved the boy as if he were his own son. She didn’t want either of them to lose that bond.
Six was facing hard times of his own. White Knight, his old friend from home, had woken up in the city, only to stay for a few weeks before going back to sleep. Holiday knew that Six was hurting from the loss, but she had no idea of how to help him or even if he wanted her to. Despite their shared kisses during the mistletoe attacks, she still wondered if he cared at all. Quickly enough, Christmas rolled around and the two, over sharing presents and finally having a talk in which neither ran away, reconciled a few of their past mistakes. Holiday, once again, felt comfortable around him and knew that he did, no matter how small, care about her.
Not long after the holidays a good friend of the little family, Helen Magnus, went back to Sleep. She had been a good friend to Rex and the boy took the loss quite hard, along with everything else happening to him. The city, in probably an act of trying to help him, turned Rex into a Nobody so that he simply wouldn’t care about the things and people around him. Obviously, it hurt the people he cared for even more so. During this time, another reality storm decided to roll in, one where everyone could only speak the truth. It had gotten a lot of things out and into the open about everyone Holiday cared for and it affected Rex into telling everyone how much he did not care for them anymore. Six went to Holiday in an attempt to comfort her, even if he was hurting as well, but some other words had been spoken and they ended up admitting their feelings for each other. They weren’t exactly a couple, but they both knew how the other felt and it felt good to have such a reassurance.
Rex got his heart back, Holiday and Six were no longer dancing on glass around each other, and everything had calmed again. Holiday had gone through a lot of stages during her time thus far, but she had learned that when she’s hurting or in pain, she decides to hide it or fight, instead of letting it out to someone. But with Six’s confession came her renewed trust in him. She knew that she could go to him if she needed to, until she realized that he had taken advantage of the storm to get information out of other’s and he suddenly knew everything that he was missing back home. Unsurprisingly, he decided to go back and risk the memory loss. This had brought about a whole new anger to Holiday. She wanted to run and cower from the feeling of being betrayed twice by him, but instead, she lashed out and harsh words were spoken.
Only, later on, after the dust had cleared, she knew that he had thought long and hard on it and she knew that he wasn’t lying when he said that he needed her. Despite the pain she was feeling, she went back to him and promised that she wouldn’t leave him when, not if, he returned. Whether or not he lost his memories wouldn’t be a factor. He was grateful for her loyalty, but he still left. Even now, she finds it difficult to sleep and has been thinking on just not even trying anymore.
Of course, Six returned without his memories and he had changed greatly. Holiday still sticks beside him, whether he knows the reason or not, but she stays in pain rather constantly, taking any distraction she can manage. Instead of looking into herself, Holiday focuses all of her attention on everyone else. She had done this before, but now it’s without any regard for her own well-being and her own heart getting hurt. The people she cares for comes first, whether they want to or not.
She has basically gone through everything, only to come out how she used to be before waking. Only difference now is that she is stronger for it. She’ll take her own pain and choke it down while saving anyone and everyone else. Her life means nothing to her now and she’ll gladly Unmake her own self if it meant saving them. Unfortunately, as mentioned, her regard for her own self is gone. She no longer cares what happens to her and she no longer wants to lean on anyone if she needs it. She’s perfectly alright with crying herself into a hole, so long as it’s in private and away from worrying eyes. She won’t let anyone hurt themselves or go through any inconvenience for her own feelings anymore, because she simply isn’t worthy of it and she knows that she’s stronger than that… or perhaps she isn’t and only wants to be.
At first, she considered the city and the waking experience to be a second chance for her life. Holiday had been engrossed in her search for a cure and help for her sister back home, that coming to a place with no Nanites or EVOs was a bit of a blessing and she was thankful for the experience. Along the way, she met friends, some old like Rex or Six, and some new, like Drift or Raye. It didn’t take her long to establish herself with the community and find her own little hole to live in.
Among her friends came a young boy, about Rex’s age, named Xavier. He was terrified and confused, a bit of a normal reaction upon Waking, and Holiday quickly went into her mother mode and took him back to her home. She gave him a room, taught him to Bend, and left him to it. The boy, who called her “Holly”, quickly managed to worm his way into her heart and her life. She quickly started considering him her second son next to Rex. Even Six had managed to get in well with the boy and, Holiday believed, that he may have felt the same for him as she did.
Soon after her settlement of a home and a family, Holiday suffered her first death during the Shadow reality storm. Her shadow was haunting her privately over the network, so Holiday decided to confront the monster. Once hearing a warning over the network to not go alone, she decided to do so anyway, to prevent anyone she cared for from hearing the things it was bound to say. The doctor had lashed out to it for its insistent taunting, but it became so overwhelmed that she would care for everyone else except her sister, as she saw it, that it turned into the EVO form of Beverly and killed her. Holiday’s body was displayed in the Northern Plaza, hanging upside down with blood dripping away. It had hurt the people that cared for her even more so, though Xavier took the brunt of it, believing that she had actually died and not knowing Nautilus’ rule on death.
When she returned, he was overjoyed to see her and from then stuck by her at all times. It wasn’t long after that she took a visit home, knowing the risk of not coming back all too well, but she did return. When Xavier also wanted to take his own visit home, she had no qualms about the thought and happily sent him on his way with a hug. So, it was little surprise that her first blow came about when Xavier unknowingly went back to Sleep only a few months after his initial Awakening. Holiday took the loss hard, not even so much as having the chance to say good-bye or making sure he knew how much he had meant to her. The rest of her friends helped her muddle through it and, while she still thinks about him often, is better about it now. After all, she had lost people close to her back home as well.
Right before the boy’s leaving, Holiday had gotten a dog who she named Pato after his suggestion. It means “duck” but she doesn’t know that. Pato has since been overly loved and a bit overly spoiled, since Holiday loves to shower him in affection. Both Six and Drift had the bright idea to train Pato into staying beside her and protecting her at all times, but she hardly minded. She loves the puppy and couldn’t ask for a better companion.
With the small bout of a relaxed sigh off Nautilus, Holiday had managed to get in a breather and made even stronger bonds with the people around her. During this time, Six had gone home and thought himself to be dead, while she knew that he had actually saved her sister from her EVO condition and even leaped so far as to ask Holiday on a date. The same happened in Nautilus and the two grew closer in their relationship. It was also around this time that Drift, rather awkwardly and reluctantly, admitted to having feelings for her. Holiday was somewhat oblivious on the issue, except for Drift’s “subtle as a hammer” techniques. However, she did catch that he didn’t deem himself good enough, because he knew that Six cared as well and “got there first.” Holiday had gotten a bit agitated with the conversation and admitted she did have feelings for him as well, only that her feelings for Six were stronger and, sadly, won out. The Cybertronian seemed to feel no loss for it, and continued to watch over her and care.
A few months before, while Holiday had taken her trip home, an Aeon attacked the city and she missed… pretty much the whole thing, though she knew enough to know the dangers of it. So, when Hekket offered training in Helix during the present day, Holiday took it at a moment’s notice. Only, the training was not at all what was expected. It ended in every voice she had known and cared for, watching Xavier slowly disappear and remain in pain, while they echoed the fact that she can’t save them all. She didn’t appreciate the “training” but it did open her eyes a bit. She realized that some things were out of her hands… but she also realized that she couldn’t help but carry the blame even when things were. It hurt, but she dealt with it, as with everything else.
It became nothing compared to a moment in her life that she only refers to as “November.” The AU reality storm changed her entire family and herself into people that were less than noble. She became someone from V’s world and knew everything he had done as a scientist who had lived in fear of both him and her country. She proclaimed her knowledge over the entire network, but the people still chose to side with him. After all, she was a heartless woman during the storm, casting away her own puppy, hurting Drift’s feelings, and threatening to use Alice as an experiment to test her new biological weapon. It didn’t stop her from seeking V out and demanding an explanation to his actions.
He did explain himself and, since V could talk anyone out of sanity, forced her mind to the brink of becoming normal again. Holiday didn’t know at the time which side of her was real, though, but she could remember one thing. No matter which side was real, Six was in it. She quickly called for him in her moment of vulnerability for his explanations and his strength. She didn’t want to be alone and she felt that she could trust him. But his mind was taken by the storm as well, and he only ended up taking advantage of Holiday’s state and sapping her life energy away through a kiss. Thus, she suffered her second death in the city.
When she returned again, she was unsure of any relationship pertaining to him. She had been coming out of the storm, yet he didn’t so much as flinch when killing her. That thought, and only receiving a text from him as an apology, did enough to drive her away from her own home for a week’s time. During that time, Drift had stayed with her for the most part, who had taken her loss hard and alone, with everyone else being affected and facing their own problems. Somewhere during this time, she found out that Six and Rex had fought in the wake of her death and Six had ended up losing his life as well.
Holiday was unsure of everything. That strength that belonged to her before had been destroyed with the feeling of betrayal, even though she didn’t blame Six, but blamed herself more than anyone. Even after he had sought her out and brought her home, things remained shaky between them. Holiday was fragile and unsure of her opinion, unsure on if Six cared for her or hated her, unsure of herself and whether or not she was even wanted. During this time and her state of mind, she ran across a young boy, Ioann, he had the same feelings as she did, only tenfold and he was angry about it. He forced her to face her feelings down, even if she dared to not touch them yet.
Soon after, Rex had taken a trip home and returned with unwanted news. Six had lost his memory. Not only that, but Providence, their home, had taken a terrible nosedive. From Rex’s point in their timeline, he had no idea if Holiday or Six were dead or alive. They had both agreed to not tell Six of the events afterwards, for fear that he would return home and lose his memories of them and of Nautilus. Holiday agreed to it more so for him to not lose his memories of Rex. While she wasn’t sure of his feelings towards her, she knew that he loved the boy as if he were his own son. She didn’t want either of them to lose that bond.
Six was facing hard times of his own. White Knight, his old friend from home, had woken up in the city, only to stay for a few weeks before going back to sleep. Holiday knew that Six was hurting from the loss, but she had no idea of how to help him or even if he wanted her to. Despite their shared kisses during the mistletoe attacks, she still wondered if he cared at all. Quickly enough, Christmas rolled around and the two, over sharing presents and finally having a talk in which neither ran away, reconciled a few of their past mistakes. Holiday, once again, felt comfortable around him and knew that he did, no matter how small, care about her.
Not long after the holidays a good friend of the little family, Helen Magnus, went back to Sleep. She had been a good friend to Rex and the boy took the loss quite hard, along with everything else happening to him. The city, in probably an act of trying to help him, turned Rex into a Nobody so that he simply wouldn’t care about the things and people around him. Obviously, it hurt the people he cared for even more so. During this time, another reality storm decided to roll in, one where everyone could only speak the truth. It had gotten a lot of things out and into the open about everyone Holiday cared for and it affected Rex into telling everyone how much he did not care for them anymore. Six went to Holiday in an attempt to comfort her, even if he was hurting as well, but some other words had been spoken and they ended up admitting their feelings for each other. They weren’t exactly a couple, but they both knew how the other felt and it felt good to have such a reassurance.
Rex got his heart back, Holiday and Six were no longer dancing on glass around each other, and everything had calmed again. Holiday had gone through a lot of stages during her time thus far, but she had learned that when she’s hurting or in pain, she decides to hide it or fight, instead of letting it out to someone. But with Six’s confession came her renewed trust in him. She knew that she could go to him if she needed to, until she realized that he had taken advantage of the storm to get information out of other’s and he suddenly knew everything that he was missing back home. Unsurprisingly, he decided to go back and risk the memory loss. This had brought about a whole new anger to Holiday. She wanted to run and cower from the feeling of being betrayed twice by him, but instead, she lashed out and harsh words were spoken.
Only, later on, after the dust had cleared, she knew that he had thought long and hard on it and she knew that he wasn’t lying when he said that he needed her. Despite the pain she was feeling, she went back to him and promised that she wouldn’t leave him when, not if, he returned. Whether or not he lost his memories wouldn’t be a factor. He was grateful for her loyalty, but he still left. Even now, she finds it difficult to sleep and has been thinking on just not even trying anymore.
Of course, Six returned without his memories and he had changed greatly. Holiday still sticks beside him, whether he knows the reason or not, but she stays in pain rather constantly, taking any distraction she can manage. Instead of looking into herself, Holiday focuses all of her attention on everyone else. She had done this before, but now it’s without any regard for her own well-being and her own heart getting hurt. The people she cares for comes first, whether they want to or not.
She has basically gone through everything, only to come out how she used to be before waking. Only difference now is that she is stronger for it. She’ll take her own pain and choke it down while saving anyone and everyone else. Her life means nothing to her now and she’ll gladly Unmake her own self if it meant saving them. Unfortunately, as mentioned, her regard for her own self is gone. She no longer cares what happens to her and she no longer wants to lean on anyone if she needs it. She’s perfectly alright with crying herself into a hole, so long as it’s in private and away from worrying eyes. She won’t let anyone hurt themselves or go through any inconvenience for her own feelings anymore, because she simply isn’t worthy of it and she knows that she’s stronger than that… or perhaps she isn’t and only wants to be.