let it go (10/?)
Let it go: Chapter Ten
Paring: Matsumiya
A series of events from Nino and occasionally Ohno’s points of view
Thanks to satsumatsuas always for looking over this!
“It was a good art show, Oh-chan!” Nino slung an arm around Ohno’s shoulder. The other man leaned into him with a smile. It really had been, he had sold several of his pieces, scheduled interviews with a few reporters, and gotten contacts for gallery shows in the future. The only one that he was really interested in following through, though, was the gallery owner from Okinawa. Apparently, he had been in town to meet with Jun and Sho about a marketing campaign that they were doing for his museum and had heard about the show from Jun, so he attended, and wanted Ohno to come down and do a show for him there. Which would mean that he would need to talk to Jun about getting an art studio in Okinawa, though it was hard to believe that at this moment Jun was on a plane, moving away, leaving him, Aiba, and Sho to deal with the fallout that would inevitable happen. He was sure that it would happen, as soon as Nino discovered. Ohno still did not know what to do about it, so he would meet with Sho as soon as the other was free to discuss things.
“I will go grab our things, and then we can go out and celebrate. Aiba’s perhaps? We can call Sho and see if he wants to join us.” Nino was cheerful, happy, but Ohno could see there was nervousness. Nino was unsettled by Jun’s absence at the event, obviously wondering what kind of work would prevent him from attending. He had always made it quite clear that his brothers shows were the priority almost all the time. So something serious had to have happened, more so that Jun had not contacted Nino at all. Nino had not yet asked what, and Satoshi was glad, for he did not know how to answer without telling Nino that he did not think that Jun was coming back, not for a very long time.
In the end, Sho and Aiba joined them at a upscale bar in Roppongi. Since it was a special occasion, Nino even offered to pay, though in the end Ohno paid the near hundred thousand yen that was spent on drinks that night. Ohno and Nino stumbled back to Ohno’s place and Ohno had seen Aiba’s eyes widen, his mouth forming a surprised oooooh, when Nino, in his drunkenness, had asked Ohno if he thought that Jun had seen the painting before he left on his trip, and ‘did he say anything about it, did he like it? And if not, when would Jun be back to see the picture’, since he wanted to properly confess and everything. Ohno had not said anything, letting Nino ramble with a huge smile on his face as he told Aiba all about the picture that he had painted for Jun, and ‘you remember when I called you because I thought I was going to get fired’. Ohno was glad that Nino was drunk, since from the way that Aiba was tearing up, trying his best to nod and smile, and not to say anything that would give Nino a false hope. Ohno knew that Aiba was aware that Jun had moved away. Before they left, Ohno had gotten the promise of a breakfast date out of Sho, so they could talk about what the hell had happened, and how it was going to be fixed.
“It will all depend on Jun, and Nino,” was all that Sho had replied, and while Ohno was aware of that, he really, honestly hoped that there would be a happy ending after all of this. If Sho was right, and Ohno had been stealing, accidentally, Jun’s love interests for all these years then Ohno needed to do something for Jun. And that something was to make sure that he and Nino got over themselves, their miscommunication, and their pride for long enough to work something out.
Nino had not yet been back to the apartment when Monday morning rolled around. He spend the weekend working on codes in Ohno’s studio while the other was out and about for work. Jun had given him a deadline, the end of the week, and he wanted it done, and on Jun’s desk by Monday morning. Jun would be pleased, and seeing that pleased smile on his face was always a highlight of Nino’s day. He did not want to go back to the apartment and stare at the painting that he had made for Jun if Jun was not there. It was odd that he had not heard from Jun, usually they conversed when he was out of town. But Jun had not answered the one message that Nino had sent to him, asking when he would be back, since he not had time to talk, and he had something very important that he wanted to talk to Jun-pon about. The lack of response was enough to set Nino on edge. Maybe he hated it, maybe Nino had been wrong all this time, and the kisses they had shared, the time together meant nothing to Jun, but from the way that Jun had blushed, the smile, the way he leaned into Nino’s touch he was sure that it was not the case.
But why, then, was Jun ignoring him?
He would go in, Monday, with code in hand, making Nagase happy with the result, and then he would track Jun down. Jun never was gone for longer than three days on these trips, usually he would fly out Friday and be back at work Monday morning, taking in a red eye and coming straight into work.
But Monday, by the end of the day the lights to the office were still off and the door was closed that left Nino sending him a message instead.
“I finished the code that you needed, earlier than expected. Nagase-nii-chan doesn’t see anything wrong with it, so you can implement it as soon as you get back.”
Tuesday was the day that Ohno left, so Nino came in late that day, carrying the duffle bag of stuff that he had managed to accumulate at Ohno’s studio over the course of his stay. He would have to go home tonight, and there, he was certain, he would face Jun.
The lights to the office were still off though, when Nino got to work, which was odd, as Jun was never late to work and never on extended business trips. Dropping his bag in his cubicle Nino wandered over to get coffee, stopping short before entering the room as he heard voices, Karina and someone else, talking.
“I am so surprised to hear that Matsumoto-san was an owner of the company, not just a VP.”
“I know, with the sudden move to Okinawa, and Oguri-kun taking over his position, things are going to be very different around here...”
“How is Nino taking it, they were close, weren’t they, Karina?” The other woman asked, and Nino did not stay to hear the answer, moving back to his cubicle. He was certain that he was pale, that his hands were shaking. He remembered now, what Jun had said to Ohno on the phone, I needed to talk to him but it doesn’t matter now.
Nino was not sure how he did not manage to drop his phone as he pulled it out of his pocket, sending Ohno and Aiba a message.
“You know, didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me?” Was what he sent Ohno, and to Aiba, it was a “I should have listened to you.” The other had been urging him to come by the restaurant with Jun for several weeks, more so in the last two. He had been so insistent that Nino had just started ignoring the others messages, after telling him that he had no time right now, he really needed to finish up this project with Oh-chan.
What the hell had happened when Ohno was in town?
It was Sho, not Nagase, who noticed Nino’s state of distraction, as he sat at his desk, staring at his phone, and the dark door to Jun’s former office. And it was Sho who gently suggested that perhaps it would be the best if Nino took the rest of the day off.
“Take as much time as you need, I am sure that this is a bit of a shock and-“ Sho had paused, looking at Nino, who looked back at him, trying to process what was going on, and why Sho seemed apologetic. “I-It would just be best of you went home, Nino, I think,” was all that Sho would say, and Nino found that he could not argue with the other man. One, he was one of the owners of the company. Two, Nino was not sure what the hell was going on and he needed to be able to figure it out. And three, since he had found out he had not been able to program anything.
Sho had, before leaving, awkwardly placed a hand on Nino’s shoulder, informing him that, “If you need anything, you have my number so, please, use it.” Nino was sure that Sho meant it, but he did not know why he should, or why Sho would offer it, or if they were even close enough for Nino to turn to Sho for anything. Nino was still in that odd ‘you are my boss and we are kind of friends and you are friends with the person that I like so we will be friends’ stage of things with Sho.
All the messages he had gotten were a quick, ‘we will talk later, Nino-chan’ from Aiba, and a sad emoji from Ohno, and the question: ‘Have you been home?’ All signs pointed for Nino needed to go home; but was it really home? Home had been where he and Jun were living, and now--now it was just a place, like any other, that housed his stuff.
But there was nothing that could be done. He had avoided the apartment, for reasons that now seemed irrelevant. Jun had left. He still did not know why Jun had left, but Nino was almost certain that was what Jun had been trying to talk to him about, ever since he had gotten back from Okinawa. Hopefully home would have some options.
Nino pushed the door to the apartment open slowly, leaving his shoes by the door. They turned out to be the only pair there, something that he had failed to notice the day of Ohno’s art show. Pausing to look around the apartment, he was surprised just how much stuff was left, and how much was missing. All the big items were still present, but the coffee maker was gone, and Nino was sure the expensive knives that Jun had splurged on would be as well. The DVD shelf was half-empty, with only his video games remaining; the shelf looked incomplete. The damned couch that Jun was so proud of was still in place, just like the coffee table, but the few photos that had been on the shelf were missing.
It was not surprising that Nino had missed it, as he was in a hurry, but the room was so sterile now. Nothing of Jun remained, sure his things were there (and what the hell was he thinking, leaving his furniture like that?) but it was not Jun, there was no life in the room, at all. Nino’s painting sat still wrapped where he had left it, with the note to Jun attached. He could not look at the painting for long, fearing that it was what had caused this mess.
It took Nino a long time to motive himself to walk to Jun’s room. When Jun had been sick was the only time that he had been in the room. Nino knew that the room would be empty, dead in a way that hurt him. Standing in the apartment, all personal belongings of Jun gone was hard, leaving him trembling slightly.
What was missing, and what he hoped he would find, was a note from Jun, something. As it was, it looked as if Jun had just cut things off. He was not answering messages, Nino had been sending them as if Jun would be coming home at any moment, as if this was all a bad dream and if he would wake up he had not fucked up things bad enough for Jun to leave.
Leave.
It was still a thought that Nino could not get his head around.
Steeling himself, Nino pushed open the door open. He was not sure if he was glad or disappointed to see a package there, leaning against the far wall of the room, Nino written in bold pen strokes across it. It was a large envelope, so thick that Nino could tell that it contained a lot inside, even from the doorway. His heart felt like it had dropped into his stomach.
Jun really had left, there was no deny. The envelope was the only thing that remained in the room.
Nino padded forward, scooping the envelope up, contemplating its weight as he moved back into the living room, tossing the package on the table before sinking onto the couch.
He should open it.
He should want to know what had happened.
But he was afraid too. He was fairly certain that he had fucked up, badly… fucked up beyond just telling Jun that he was with Ohno all week, which he had been. So reading this, it would do nothing but exemplify the fact that he had failed.
And yet as he stared at it, he knew that he had to read it, so he reached for the envelope, ignoring the fact that his hand was shaking. There was no one here to see it.
Inside the envelope was a large folder, filled with papers, as well as a smaller letter. It was the letter that Nino held in his hands, staring at it. It was thicker than he had thought, but not nearly as thick as the folder, but what drew him to the envelope was the fact that it had nothing written on the outside. The folder was labeled as lease information, and that was something that Nino knew could wait. What he needed to know, all the answers were in the envelope that he held in his hands. It was not sealed and Nino wondered why Jun would even bother to put the contents in an envelope. Then again Jun was nothing if not meticulous. It would be something that would bothers him, not having that kind of order in the envelope. Jun always liked order and structure, and planning. At least Nino thought that he had, but perhaps he had not known the other man at all.
Which was why he was now sitting in a half empty apartment, with a note from Jun. Slowly Nino opened the letter, pulling the pages from the envelope. His name was written across the letter, and Nino traced the characters with his fingertips, still too afraid to open the letter.
“Stop being such a damned idiot. That is what got you into this mess to begin with.” Nino growled to himself, but it did not make opening the letter any easier.
Nino, if you are reading this then I have moved out, and away, and you have discovered that. I am sorry that it had to end up this way, but there was really no other opportunity. I tried to talk to you about this, repeatedly, but you were - no, I am getting ahead of myself. I suppose I should start at the beginning. Or closer to the beginning than this.
As you probably know by now, I am one of the two owners of SM Enterprises. Sho-kun is the other owner, and it was a company that he started after college. We have been doing so well recently that we talked about expanding it. In the end we decided that Okinawa was going to be the location of the new branch. It was not supposed to open for at least another half a year, but we have been having a lot of issues with the construction and renovation crews. I know that you were aware that both Sho and I had been traveling a lot more to Okinawa, and that is why. These issues, and the fact that the construction crews were not treating the site manager with any authority, prompted the acceleration of the moving schedule. What had not been decided all the time, though, was if Sho or I were going to move. It was only after the most recent trip, and several more construction related issues, that we were forced to move the schedule of relocation up to about three weeks. At that point it was still uncertain if Sho or I were going to move.
I-In the end I decided that it would be me. It was nothing that I wanted to do. I wanted to stay. For many reasons. Forgive me for saying this, since I am sure that you are happy with Satoshi-nii-chan, and I do not wish to do anything to compromise that, but you were one of the reasons that I did not wish to leave. I thought, mistakenly it seems, that you liked me as well, that you were flirting with me. The kisses and the closeness certainly seemed to indicate that. And so I wanted to talk to you. We had been making progress, things were good, I thought. I have never dated anyone seriously before... Perhaps I should not admit that, but in the past, everyone that I liked, and wanted to date, had confessed to me that they like Satsoshi-nii-chan, so I never did anything about it. But I thought things with Nino were different. After meeting nii-chan, it did not seem that you were interested in him, at least not really. I was hesitant to bring things up to you, since it would be rather sudden. How do you tell the person you like, that you may be moving in three weeks, unless you are willing to try and see if this would be the kind of relationship that could go somewhere, so please make up your mind quickly?
I did not know how to bring it up, but I wanted to try. Except that when I got home, you were always with Satoshi-nii-chan. I could not get time to talk to you at all. And as time passed it became clear that you were avoiding to talk to me, that the both of you were hiding something from me. So I am sorry for pressing you to talk, for pushing things. I am sorry for not realizing sooner how things stood between you and Satoshi. Had I known I would have never tried to push you into talking with me, and I am sorry for snapping at you that day at the office. I know it worried both of you, as he called to check up on me as well. That was the day that I had to make the decision, and I had still hoped that there would be a chance, but whatever if was that you were helping Satoshi with, it was obviously the most important thing to you. And realizing that was enough to make me understand that I was being foolish, trying to push feelings that were unwelcome onto you. And so, I am sorry.
I am sure that you are happy with nii-chan. I have not seen him happier in years. Take care of him for me please? You know by now better than anyone else that he needs a lot of tending to.
Inside the envelope, you will find the papers for the lease for both his studio, as well as this apartment. You are currently the sole lease holder. The rent had been paid in full to the end of the lease. When things get closer to the end of the lease, or when you want me too, I can come get the rest of the furniture. I just did not want to inconvenience you and Satoshi-nii-chan in any way, since I am sure that he will be over all the time.
I apologize again for the suddenness of all of this, and confessing all of this to you in a letter, but I have to say it. I think that I love you, Ninomiya Kazunari, I really do. But I know that you will make, and have made, Satoshi-nii-chan very happy. And so I leave him to your care. If you need anything, you know how to contact me. My cell number changes soon, but the new number is enclosed at the end of this letter.
By the time you read this, and the time that we see each other next, I know that I will have dealt with things, so I do not want you to feel that my inappropriate feelings for you should color things with Satoshi-nii-chan at all. I would be very upset to know that I was the cause of the end of things between the two of you. I have never seen you so focused on something that was not a video game, that happy to be busy, and that occupied with something, with someone. Even though we did not interact, it was obvious that whatever it was important to you. I hope that feeling of importantance always remains between the two of you.
Take care of yourself, Nino, and thank you, for your friendship, and for everything else that you have done. I look forward to the next time that I see you and Satsoshi-nii-chan, though it might be a while since you made it clear that you were opposed to the beach, and to Okinawa, so it will have to be when I am on a business trip up to Tokyo.
I know that I am pressing unwanted feelings upon you. And I am sorry that this is so long. So I thank you for reading all of this letter, it was something that I needed to say. As a friend, I felt that it was fair that you know the reasons why I left, all of the reasons.
Feel free to contact me if you need anything.
Sincerely,
Your friend,
Matsumoto Jun
Nino stared at the letter, and his eyes burned. He would not cry. He most certainly would not cry. Jun was a fucking idiot, and had misunderstood everything, but it was too fucking late to do anything about it. Still Nino would not cry. He would not, except he could not will his tears to stop falling, dotting the paper with water marks, the ink running slightly. In the end he gave up, setting the paper aside and crying, clutching to one of the stupidly white pillows from the stupidly white overpriced couch, sobbing into it. How could Jun have misunderstood so badly?
Except Nino knew how. For thee weeks, as Jun had said, Nino had done nothing but blow Jun off in favor of Ohno. That would be how it would appear to Jun, and to anyone else. It was not something that Nino had realized at the time. He had been too caught up in his idea; the idea that he had to prove Jun that he was serious.
And now? Of course he could tell Jun that it was all a mistake, but then what? It was not as if Jun could just move back and send Sho to Okinawa just because. Plus, Nino knew that the new branch was not looking to hire or transfer any of the programmers. They had all been briefed on the job transfers available for the Okinawa branch when it opened, and it was some marketing and PR people, as well as sales, but not programming. There was nothing that Nino could do, he had lost his chance.
Nino did not move from the couch for a long time that evening, curled up with a pillow, crying and not. It was silly, he should be stronger than this, but he found that he could not keep himself from crying, every damned time he read that letter.
Jun was such an idiot, such a noble, caring idiot. Sacrificing his own happiness for Ohno, just because he thought that Ohno was with Nino, that it was what would make Ohno the happiest. What kind of person was that selfless? Apparently Jun.
When Nino went to bed, the letter went with him, folded up beside on the bedside table, and when he did not show up to work the next day, it took messages from Aiba, Sho and Ohno to prompt him to reply.
Sho was worried, but also assured him that Nino could take as much time as he needed, and that Sho was willing to talk to him, and answer any other questions that Nino might have.
Aiba was worried as well, poking at Nino, asking if he was OK, offering to close up the restaurant for the night if he didn’t want to be alone, since Nino-chan is that important to him.
Ohno’s message though, was the one that was the hardest to deal with. It was simply the question, ‘So how are you going to win Jun-nii-chan back?’
‘It isn’t that damn easy!’, was what Nino typed back. When Ohno replied with an ‘I did not realize that Kazu gave up on things that were important to him that easily. If you are not willing to fight for Jun-nii-chan then you do not deserve him.’, he was angry enough to throw his phone across the room but eventually, when he calmed down, rational enough to type a reply to Ohno. ‘You are right. I don’t deserve Jun. I hurt him.’ It was as simple as that.
It did not take Ohno long to reply. ‘We will fix this.’ to which Nino couldn’t not reply. He was not sure if or how it was possible. But it was motivation enough for him to go into work later that afternoon, looking so worn and haggard and sick from lack of sleep and crying that no one questioned why he had been gone. It was just assumed that Nino had come down with something.
Nino had programmed Jun’s new number into his phone, but he could not bring himself to message it. What would he say, anyways? “I am sorry that I was an idiot and made you think that I was involved with your brother, but that is not the case? He was helping me come up with an awesome way to confess to you, but it is too late for that now. Have a nice life in Okinawa, even though you should be here in Tokyo.” That would not work.
But it did answer his question of why Jun was avoiding his messages.
Days passed, and Nino knew that Sho and Shun were trying to push things to progress. They kept implying that Jun was unhappy, working too much, but Nino would just sigh, and finish his pocky, or onigiri at his desk. What could he even do about it? Nothing. He had already fucked things up. He knew that he was worrying Sho and Aiba, but burying himself in his work was the only way that he was going to get over this, and while Nagase had noticed that Nino was working more, logging a lot more overtime, he did not push the matter, something that Nino was grateful for.
In the end, as the days went by and Nino buried himself in work, brushing off the efforts his friends to cheer him up, it was Jun who contacted Nino, a quick message to his phone, nothing more. It hurt Nino more than he thought it would.
“Thanks for finishing the program, it works well as always.”
Nothing more than that, but Nino was certain that he did not like the coldness and distance in the message. It was very much not the Jun that he had known.
He had made a hopeless mess of things, and despite the promise of assistance from Ohno, who was off fishing who knows where in Japan, as he always did when he was not in Tokyo, there was no way to fix this. Nino could not see a way out of it, just the aching void in his heart and life now that Jun was gone (and damn him for being so important to Nino that it would hurt this much when he was not there) was left. There was not a damn thing that could be done about it.
That was what Nino thought. Until one day, he went home, and the painting that he had made for Jun was gone. A frantic search of the apartment to see what else had been stolen lead to the discovery of fresh cut sections of fish in the fridge labeled ‘eat me’, and frozen fish in the freezer for future meals. Ohno must have been there, and from the lack of luggage, shoes and Ohno, the older man had only come to take the painting and leave fish.
Nino had called Ohno, demanding to know what he had done with the painting, but Ono had just laughed, answering that the painting was so lonely there in the living room all wrapped up that he was taking it to a place where it would be happy. When Nino had demanded more of an explanation than that Ohno had just chuckled, telling Nino to trust him; which was far from comforting. But the painting was gone and there was noting that Nino could do about it, since there was no way to know where Ohno was.
What the hell was that old man planning?
Paring: Matsumiya
A series of events from Nino and occasionally Ohno’s points of view
Thanks to satsumatsuas always for looking over this!
“It was a good art show, Oh-chan!” Nino slung an arm around Ohno’s shoulder. The other man leaned into him with a smile. It really had been, he had sold several of his pieces, scheduled interviews with a few reporters, and gotten contacts for gallery shows in the future. The only one that he was really interested in following through, though, was the gallery owner from Okinawa. Apparently, he had been in town to meet with Jun and Sho about a marketing campaign that they were doing for his museum and had heard about the show from Jun, so he attended, and wanted Ohno to come down and do a show for him there. Which would mean that he would need to talk to Jun about getting an art studio in Okinawa, though it was hard to believe that at this moment Jun was on a plane, moving away, leaving him, Aiba, and Sho to deal with the fallout that would inevitable happen. He was sure that it would happen, as soon as Nino discovered. Ohno still did not know what to do about it, so he would meet with Sho as soon as the other was free to discuss things.
“I will go grab our things, and then we can go out and celebrate. Aiba’s perhaps? We can call Sho and see if he wants to join us.” Nino was cheerful, happy, but Ohno could see there was nervousness. Nino was unsettled by Jun’s absence at the event, obviously wondering what kind of work would prevent him from attending. He had always made it quite clear that his brothers shows were the priority almost all the time. So something serious had to have happened, more so that Jun had not contacted Nino at all. Nino had not yet asked what, and Satoshi was glad, for he did not know how to answer without telling Nino that he did not think that Jun was coming back, not for a very long time.
In the end, Sho and Aiba joined them at a upscale bar in Roppongi. Since it was a special occasion, Nino even offered to pay, though in the end Ohno paid the near hundred thousand yen that was spent on drinks that night. Ohno and Nino stumbled back to Ohno’s place and Ohno had seen Aiba’s eyes widen, his mouth forming a surprised oooooh, when Nino, in his drunkenness, had asked Ohno if he thought that Jun had seen the painting before he left on his trip, and ‘did he say anything about it, did he like it? And if not, when would Jun be back to see the picture’, since he wanted to properly confess and everything. Ohno had not said anything, letting Nino ramble with a huge smile on his face as he told Aiba all about the picture that he had painted for Jun, and ‘you remember when I called you because I thought I was going to get fired’. Ohno was glad that Nino was drunk, since from the way that Aiba was tearing up, trying his best to nod and smile, and not to say anything that would give Nino a false hope. Ohno knew that Aiba was aware that Jun had moved away. Before they left, Ohno had gotten the promise of a breakfast date out of Sho, so they could talk about what the hell had happened, and how it was going to be fixed.
“It will all depend on Jun, and Nino,” was all that Sho had replied, and while Ohno was aware of that, he really, honestly hoped that there would be a happy ending after all of this. If Sho was right, and Ohno had been stealing, accidentally, Jun’s love interests for all these years then Ohno needed to do something for Jun. And that something was to make sure that he and Nino got over themselves, their miscommunication, and their pride for long enough to work something out.
Nino had not yet been back to the apartment when Monday morning rolled around. He spend the weekend working on codes in Ohno’s studio while the other was out and about for work. Jun had given him a deadline, the end of the week, and he wanted it done, and on Jun’s desk by Monday morning. Jun would be pleased, and seeing that pleased smile on his face was always a highlight of Nino’s day. He did not want to go back to the apartment and stare at the painting that he had made for Jun if Jun was not there. It was odd that he had not heard from Jun, usually they conversed when he was out of town. But Jun had not answered the one message that Nino had sent to him, asking when he would be back, since he not had time to talk, and he had something very important that he wanted to talk to Jun-pon about. The lack of response was enough to set Nino on edge. Maybe he hated it, maybe Nino had been wrong all this time, and the kisses they had shared, the time together meant nothing to Jun, but from the way that Jun had blushed, the smile, the way he leaned into Nino’s touch he was sure that it was not the case.
But why, then, was Jun ignoring him?
He would go in, Monday, with code in hand, making Nagase happy with the result, and then he would track Jun down. Jun never was gone for longer than three days on these trips, usually he would fly out Friday and be back at work Monday morning, taking in a red eye and coming straight into work.
But Monday, by the end of the day the lights to the office were still off and the door was closed that left Nino sending him a message instead.
“I finished the code that you needed, earlier than expected. Nagase-nii-chan doesn’t see anything wrong with it, so you can implement it as soon as you get back.”
Tuesday was the day that Ohno left, so Nino came in late that day, carrying the duffle bag of stuff that he had managed to accumulate at Ohno’s studio over the course of his stay. He would have to go home tonight, and there, he was certain, he would face Jun.
The lights to the office were still off though, when Nino got to work, which was odd, as Jun was never late to work and never on extended business trips. Dropping his bag in his cubicle Nino wandered over to get coffee, stopping short before entering the room as he heard voices, Karina and someone else, talking.
“I am so surprised to hear that Matsumoto-san was an owner of the company, not just a VP.”
“I know, with the sudden move to Okinawa, and Oguri-kun taking over his position, things are going to be very different around here...”
“How is Nino taking it, they were close, weren’t they, Karina?” The other woman asked, and Nino did not stay to hear the answer, moving back to his cubicle. He was certain that he was pale, that his hands were shaking. He remembered now, what Jun had said to Ohno on the phone, I needed to talk to him but it doesn’t matter now.
Nino was not sure how he did not manage to drop his phone as he pulled it out of his pocket, sending Ohno and Aiba a message.
“You know, didn’t you? Why didn’t you tell me?” Was what he sent Ohno, and to Aiba, it was a “I should have listened to you.” The other had been urging him to come by the restaurant with Jun for several weeks, more so in the last two. He had been so insistent that Nino had just started ignoring the others messages, after telling him that he had no time right now, he really needed to finish up this project with Oh-chan.
What the hell had happened when Ohno was in town?
It was Sho, not Nagase, who noticed Nino’s state of distraction, as he sat at his desk, staring at his phone, and the dark door to Jun’s former office. And it was Sho who gently suggested that perhaps it would be the best if Nino took the rest of the day off.
“Take as much time as you need, I am sure that this is a bit of a shock and-“ Sho had paused, looking at Nino, who looked back at him, trying to process what was going on, and why Sho seemed apologetic. “I-It would just be best of you went home, Nino, I think,” was all that Sho would say, and Nino found that he could not argue with the other man. One, he was one of the owners of the company. Two, Nino was not sure what the hell was going on and he needed to be able to figure it out. And three, since he had found out he had not been able to program anything.
Sho had, before leaving, awkwardly placed a hand on Nino’s shoulder, informing him that, “If you need anything, you have my number so, please, use it.” Nino was sure that Sho meant it, but he did not know why he should, or why Sho would offer it, or if they were even close enough for Nino to turn to Sho for anything. Nino was still in that odd ‘you are my boss and we are kind of friends and you are friends with the person that I like so we will be friends’ stage of things with Sho.
All the messages he had gotten were a quick, ‘we will talk later, Nino-chan’ from Aiba, and a sad emoji from Ohno, and the question: ‘Have you been home?’ All signs pointed for Nino needed to go home; but was it really home? Home had been where he and Jun were living, and now--now it was just a place, like any other, that housed his stuff.
But there was nothing that could be done. He had avoided the apartment, for reasons that now seemed irrelevant. Jun had left. He still did not know why Jun had left, but Nino was almost certain that was what Jun had been trying to talk to him about, ever since he had gotten back from Okinawa. Hopefully home would have some options.
Nino pushed the door to the apartment open slowly, leaving his shoes by the door. They turned out to be the only pair there, something that he had failed to notice the day of Ohno’s art show. Pausing to look around the apartment, he was surprised just how much stuff was left, and how much was missing. All the big items were still present, but the coffee maker was gone, and Nino was sure the expensive knives that Jun had splurged on would be as well. The DVD shelf was half-empty, with only his video games remaining; the shelf looked incomplete. The damned couch that Jun was so proud of was still in place, just like the coffee table, but the few photos that had been on the shelf were missing.
It was not surprising that Nino had missed it, as he was in a hurry, but the room was so sterile now. Nothing of Jun remained, sure his things were there (and what the hell was he thinking, leaving his furniture like that?) but it was not Jun, there was no life in the room, at all. Nino’s painting sat still wrapped where he had left it, with the note to Jun attached. He could not look at the painting for long, fearing that it was what had caused this mess.
It took Nino a long time to motive himself to walk to Jun’s room. When Jun had been sick was the only time that he had been in the room. Nino knew that the room would be empty, dead in a way that hurt him. Standing in the apartment, all personal belongings of Jun gone was hard, leaving him trembling slightly.
What was missing, and what he hoped he would find, was a note from Jun, something. As it was, it looked as if Jun had just cut things off. He was not answering messages, Nino had been sending them as if Jun would be coming home at any moment, as if this was all a bad dream and if he would wake up he had not fucked up things bad enough for Jun to leave.
Leave.
It was still a thought that Nino could not get his head around.
Steeling himself, Nino pushed open the door open. He was not sure if he was glad or disappointed to see a package there, leaning against the far wall of the room, Nino written in bold pen strokes across it. It was a large envelope, so thick that Nino could tell that it contained a lot inside, even from the doorway. His heart felt like it had dropped into his stomach.
Jun really had left, there was no deny. The envelope was the only thing that remained in the room.
Nino padded forward, scooping the envelope up, contemplating its weight as he moved back into the living room, tossing the package on the table before sinking onto the couch.
He should open it.
He should want to know what had happened.
But he was afraid too. He was fairly certain that he had fucked up, badly… fucked up beyond just telling Jun that he was with Ohno all week, which he had been. So reading this, it would do nothing but exemplify the fact that he had failed.
And yet as he stared at it, he knew that he had to read it, so he reached for the envelope, ignoring the fact that his hand was shaking. There was no one here to see it.
Inside the envelope was a large folder, filled with papers, as well as a smaller letter. It was the letter that Nino held in his hands, staring at it. It was thicker than he had thought, but not nearly as thick as the folder, but what drew him to the envelope was the fact that it had nothing written on the outside. The folder was labeled as lease information, and that was something that Nino knew could wait. What he needed to know, all the answers were in the envelope that he held in his hands. It was not sealed and Nino wondered why Jun would even bother to put the contents in an envelope. Then again Jun was nothing if not meticulous. It would be something that would bothers him, not having that kind of order in the envelope. Jun always liked order and structure, and planning. At least Nino thought that he had, but perhaps he had not known the other man at all.
Which was why he was now sitting in a half empty apartment, with a note from Jun. Slowly Nino opened the letter, pulling the pages from the envelope. His name was written across the letter, and Nino traced the characters with his fingertips, still too afraid to open the letter.
“Stop being such a damned idiot. That is what got you into this mess to begin with.” Nino growled to himself, but it did not make opening the letter any easier.
Nino, if you are reading this then I have moved out, and away, and you have discovered that. I am sorry that it had to end up this way, but there was really no other opportunity. I tried to talk to you about this, repeatedly, but you were - no, I am getting ahead of myself. I suppose I should start at the beginning. Or closer to the beginning than this.
As you probably know by now, I am one of the two owners of SM Enterprises. Sho-kun is the other owner, and it was a company that he started after college. We have been doing so well recently that we talked about expanding it. In the end we decided that Okinawa was going to be the location of the new branch. It was not supposed to open for at least another half a year, but we have been having a lot of issues with the construction and renovation crews. I know that you were aware that both Sho and I had been traveling a lot more to Okinawa, and that is why. These issues, and the fact that the construction crews were not treating the site manager with any authority, prompted the acceleration of the moving schedule. What had not been decided all the time, though, was if Sho or I were going to move. It was only after the most recent trip, and several more construction related issues, that we were forced to move the schedule of relocation up to about three weeks. At that point it was still uncertain if Sho or I were going to move.
I-In the end I decided that it would be me. It was nothing that I wanted to do. I wanted to stay. For many reasons. Forgive me for saying this, since I am sure that you are happy with Satoshi-nii-chan, and I do not wish to do anything to compromise that, but you were one of the reasons that I did not wish to leave. I thought, mistakenly it seems, that you liked me as well, that you were flirting with me. The kisses and the closeness certainly seemed to indicate that. And so I wanted to talk to you. We had been making progress, things were good, I thought. I have never dated anyone seriously before... Perhaps I should not admit that, but in the past, everyone that I liked, and wanted to date, had confessed to me that they like Satsoshi-nii-chan, so I never did anything about it. But I thought things with Nino were different. After meeting nii-chan, it did not seem that you were interested in him, at least not really. I was hesitant to bring things up to you, since it would be rather sudden. How do you tell the person you like, that you may be moving in three weeks, unless you are willing to try and see if this would be the kind of relationship that could go somewhere, so please make up your mind quickly?
I did not know how to bring it up, but I wanted to try. Except that when I got home, you were always with Satoshi-nii-chan. I could not get time to talk to you at all. And as time passed it became clear that you were avoiding to talk to me, that the both of you were hiding something from me. So I am sorry for pressing you to talk, for pushing things. I am sorry for not realizing sooner how things stood between you and Satoshi. Had I known I would have never tried to push you into talking with me, and I am sorry for snapping at you that day at the office. I know it worried both of you, as he called to check up on me as well. That was the day that I had to make the decision, and I had still hoped that there would be a chance, but whatever if was that you were helping Satoshi with, it was obviously the most important thing to you. And realizing that was enough to make me understand that I was being foolish, trying to push feelings that were unwelcome onto you. And so, I am sorry.
I am sure that you are happy with nii-chan. I have not seen him happier in years. Take care of him for me please? You know by now better than anyone else that he needs a lot of tending to.
Inside the envelope, you will find the papers for the lease for both his studio, as well as this apartment. You are currently the sole lease holder. The rent had been paid in full to the end of the lease. When things get closer to the end of the lease, or when you want me too, I can come get the rest of the furniture. I just did not want to inconvenience you and Satoshi-nii-chan in any way, since I am sure that he will be over all the time.
I apologize again for the suddenness of all of this, and confessing all of this to you in a letter, but I have to say it. I think that I love you, Ninomiya Kazunari, I really do. But I know that you will make, and have made, Satoshi-nii-chan very happy. And so I leave him to your care. If you need anything, you know how to contact me. My cell number changes soon, but the new number is enclosed at the end of this letter.
By the time you read this, and the time that we see each other next, I know that I will have dealt with things, so I do not want you to feel that my inappropriate feelings for you should color things with Satoshi-nii-chan at all. I would be very upset to know that I was the cause of the end of things between the two of you. I have never seen you so focused on something that was not a video game, that happy to be busy, and that occupied with something, with someone. Even though we did not interact, it was obvious that whatever it was important to you. I hope that feeling of importantance always remains between the two of you.
Take care of yourself, Nino, and thank you, for your friendship, and for everything else that you have done. I look forward to the next time that I see you and Satsoshi-nii-chan, though it might be a while since you made it clear that you were opposed to the beach, and to Okinawa, so it will have to be when I am on a business trip up to Tokyo.
I know that I am pressing unwanted feelings upon you. And I am sorry that this is so long. So I thank you for reading all of this letter, it was something that I needed to say. As a friend, I felt that it was fair that you know the reasons why I left, all of the reasons.
Feel free to contact me if you need anything.
Sincerely,
Your friend,
Matsumoto Jun
Nino stared at the letter, and his eyes burned. He would not cry. He most certainly would not cry. Jun was a fucking idiot, and had misunderstood everything, but it was too fucking late to do anything about it. Still Nino would not cry. He would not, except he could not will his tears to stop falling, dotting the paper with water marks, the ink running slightly. In the end he gave up, setting the paper aside and crying, clutching to one of the stupidly white pillows from the stupidly white overpriced couch, sobbing into it. How could Jun have misunderstood so badly?
Except Nino knew how. For thee weeks, as Jun had said, Nino had done nothing but blow Jun off in favor of Ohno. That would be how it would appear to Jun, and to anyone else. It was not something that Nino had realized at the time. He had been too caught up in his idea; the idea that he had to prove Jun that he was serious.
And now? Of course he could tell Jun that it was all a mistake, but then what? It was not as if Jun could just move back and send Sho to Okinawa just because. Plus, Nino knew that the new branch was not looking to hire or transfer any of the programmers. They had all been briefed on the job transfers available for the Okinawa branch when it opened, and it was some marketing and PR people, as well as sales, but not programming. There was nothing that Nino could do, he had lost his chance.
Nino did not move from the couch for a long time that evening, curled up with a pillow, crying and not. It was silly, he should be stronger than this, but he found that he could not keep himself from crying, every damned time he read that letter.
Jun was such an idiot, such a noble, caring idiot. Sacrificing his own happiness for Ohno, just because he thought that Ohno was with Nino, that it was what would make Ohno the happiest. What kind of person was that selfless? Apparently Jun.
When Nino went to bed, the letter went with him, folded up beside on the bedside table, and when he did not show up to work the next day, it took messages from Aiba, Sho and Ohno to prompt him to reply.
Sho was worried, but also assured him that Nino could take as much time as he needed, and that Sho was willing to talk to him, and answer any other questions that Nino might have.
Aiba was worried as well, poking at Nino, asking if he was OK, offering to close up the restaurant for the night if he didn’t want to be alone, since Nino-chan is that important to him.
Ohno’s message though, was the one that was the hardest to deal with. It was simply the question, ‘So how are you going to win Jun-nii-chan back?’
‘It isn’t that damn easy!’, was what Nino typed back. When Ohno replied with an ‘I did not realize that Kazu gave up on things that were important to him that easily. If you are not willing to fight for Jun-nii-chan then you do not deserve him.’, he was angry enough to throw his phone across the room but eventually, when he calmed down, rational enough to type a reply to Ohno. ‘You are right. I don’t deserve Jun. I hurt him.’ It was as simple as that.
It did not take Ohno long to reply. ‘We will fix this.’ to which Nino couldn’t not reply. He was not sure if or how it was possible. But it was motivation enough for him to go into work later that afternoon, looking so worn and haggard and sick from lack of sleep and crying that no one questioned why he had been gone. It was just assumed that Nino had come down with something.
Nino had programmed Jun’s new number into his phone, but he could not bring himself to message it. What would he say, anyways? “I am sorry that I was an idiot and made you think that I was involved with your brother, but that is not the case? He was helping me come up with an awesome way to confess to you, but it is too late for that now. Have a nice life in Okinawa, even though you should be here in Tokyo.” That would not work.
But it did answer his question of why Jun was avoiding his messages.
Days passed, and Nino knew that Sho and Shun were trying to push things to progress. They kept implying that Jun was unhappy, working too much, but Nino would just sigh, and finish his pocky, or onigiri at his desk. What could he even do about it? Nothing. He had already fucked things up. He knew that he was worrying Sho and Aiba, but burying himself in his work was the only way that he was going to get over this, and while Nagase had noticed that Nino was working more, logging a lot more overtime, he did not push the matter, something that Nino was grateful for.
In the end, as the days went by and Nino buried himself in work, brushing off the efforts his friends to cheer him up, it was Jun who contacted Nino, a quick message to his phone, nothing more. It hurt Nino more than he thought it would.
“Thanks for finishing the program, it works well as always.”
Nothing more than that, but Nino was certain that he did not like the coldness and distance in the message. It was very much not the Jun that he had known.
He had made a hopeless mess of things, and despite the promise of assistance from Ohno, who was off fishing who knows where in Japan, as he always did when he was not in Tokyo, there was no way to fix this. Nino could not see a way out of it, just the aching void in his heart and life now that Jun was gone (and damn him for being so important to Nino that it would hurt this much when he was not there) was left. There was not a damn thing that could be done about it.
That was what Nino thought. Until one day, he went home, and the painting that he had made for Jun was gone. A frantic search of the apartment to see what else had been stolen lead to the discovery of fresh cut sections of fish in the fridge labeled ‘eat me’, and frozen fish in the freezer for future meals. Ohno must have been there, and from the lack of luggage, shoes and Ohno, the older man had only come to take the painting and leave fish.
Nino had called Ohno, demanding to know what he had done with the painting, but Ono had just laughed, answering that the painting was so lonely there in the living room all wrapped up that he was taking it to a place where it would be happy. When Nino had demanded more of an explanation than that Ohno had just chuckled, telling Nino to trust him; which was far from comforting. But the painting was gone and there was noting that Nino could do about it, since there was no way to know where Ohno was.
What the hell was that old man planning?