Let it go (12/12) COMPLETE
Let it go: Chapter 12
A series of events from Jun, Nino and Sho's perspectives
Thanks so so so so so so so much to satsumatsu for looking this over for me, and to thoroughlynerdy for letting me vent and complain when things werent quite working, and helping me get this finished, though I am not certain that she realizes it.
Author's note: While there will not be an epilogue, at some point, when I step away from this for a while and then get back to it, there will be a related one shot. So be on the look out for that.
While Jun messaging Nino did not make things magically better between them, Jun was much more prone to smiling around the office; laughing at messages that he got throughout the day when he was not meeting with clients. Everyone noticed it; though falsly attributed it to the visit his brother paid him, as well as his continued presence around the office--only a few people knew that it was because Jun and Nino were talking again. While it had not been unpleasant to work with Jun, he was a lot more easygoing, though still professional, and those who had transferred to the Okinawa office were glad to have their ‘old’ boss back. While no one was saying it, they had thought that perhaps it would have been better if Sakurai-san had transferred instead. But things were better now, for sure.
Jun was not sure if he and Nino were talking about anything significant, but the fact that there was contact at all made him happy. Then again, Ohno had mentioned that Nino seemed a little bit irritated that Ohno had chosen to interfere--which sounded like Nino. To be fair Jun himself was a bit miffed that Ohno had to do something, that Nino was content to sit in Tokyo and sulk (since he was assured by Shun, and Sho, and Aiba, and Ohno that Nino was sulking; which made him feel a little better about the funk he himself had been in). Given, he was not doing anything to pursue Nino, so it was a little hypocritical of Jun to think Nino would do something (but it was Nino who caused the misunderstanding with the lack of communication). In the end, none of that really mattered since things seemed to be on the mend.
And so, when a few weeks had passed and Sho messaged Jun, saying that there was a meeting in Tokyo he was needed at, Jun did not hesitate to reply that he would be there, and that it would be nice to be back. He meant it; it would be nice to be back, to see Sho and Shun and Aiba and, though the thought was hesitant still, Nino.
What Jun and Sho failed to consider in their planning was where Jun would be staying while he was in Tokyo. When Jun arrived at the airport, all ready to take a taxi to the hotel, Jun realized he had no other address to supply the driver than that of Ohno’s art studio, which he knew had a shower, and shower supplies (though he brought his own) he desperately needed before his meeting. He almost, almost, gave the driver his old apartment address, but it was Nino’s now not his; and he was not sure if he was ready to go back there, honestly. It would depend on how things went with Nino once he saw him; and how things went between them if they had a chance to interact. Jun was certain it was one reason this meeting was scheduled, even if Sho was serious about needing Jun at the meeting. It was one of their larger clients, one that had been dealing mostly with Jun in the design department. And while Shun was good, this was not something that he needed to take on himself, at least not the first time. Given that this was one of their first clients and longest standing contracts, Sho and Jun both wished to stay on as good terms with them as possible.
Jun was at the office early, much earlier than he would have liked, even with the stop at Ohno’s art studio. Sho was already at work, and had been for some time if the pile of empty coffee cups and discarded melon pan from the combi down the street were any indication. Shun was in Sho’s office, pondering over the presentation with him. He, too, looked frazzled this morning, though Jun could not blame him.
“You know, it will be fine. I am here, so nothing could possibly go wrong.” Jun leaned against the door to Sho’s office, his arms crossed over his chest; and while he wished it was not there, he could not keep the fond smile off of his face.
“Jun, you are just in time. I need you to look over this.” Shun motioned Jun over to the desk as he scrambled up, pulling a chair over for Jun to join them, and even as he moved Shun didn’t stop talking. “There are a few things I am unsure of, and while I know that you are doing most of the presentation, I want to make sure that they feel comfortable with me, since I will end up as their local contact.”
“You will do fine, Shun. You would not have my job if I thought otherwise.” Jun’s voice was dry, and Shun nodded, watching Jun as his eyes skimmed over the presentation, making minor changes here or there, but for the most part he left it as it was.
“Missed you too.” Shun quipped back, relaxing as Jun failed to freak out over the state of his presentation. Sho’s laugher, as well as Jun’s greeted the rest of the office as they straggled into work. It was something most had not realized that they had missed, that it had made such difference for their morning--only one person in the office, as he realized who was in Sho’s office, who exactly that laughter belonged to, was truly shaken.
“Why did no one tell me that he was coming?” Nino muttered to himself under his breath as he walked past Sho’s office, heading for his morning coffee. He snuck a glance into the office, frowning as he walked by. “There are a lot of things that people were not telling me, it seems.” Nino muttered to himself. He had known about the meeting, everyone knew that Oguri was freaking out about it, and so, after the meeting, he would have to have a talk with Sho, and Jun. There were things that needed to be said.
Nino was patient enough to wait until after the meeting to corner Jun and Sho in the lunch room--alone. It was the middle of the afternoon, and he was taking a very late lunch break. Waiting for them to finish the meeting had been hellish but it was worth it. He really really needed to have a word with Sho, and Jun, but at this point mostly with Sho. It seemed that Sho was mistaken about a few things.
And so, when the meeting was over, the clients gone and Shun holed up in his office, finally relaxing, Nino strolled over, with his water cup, where Jun and Sho relaxed in the break area over tea, noticing the way that the conversation stopped as he was close. He could feel Jun looking at him, and while it was a familiar feeling, the gaze had never been quite this intense before. It was nice to know that Jun was looking at him, that it wasn’t a Burn and Die, Ninomiya Kazunari, I Don’t Ever Want to See You kind of gaze, which was what he had been afraid of to begin with.
So Nino strolled, walking with purpose to the water cooler, getting a refill of his water, and as he turned around, he steeled himself, nodding with a bright smile at Jun and Sho.
“It is good to see you back here, I hope that the Okinawa office is keeping up with your expectations. They will have to work hard for it, I am sure.” He paused. Jun nodded, a bemused look on his face, which was a lot harder to read than Sho’s look of confusion. “I admit that while Oguri-kun is good at what he does, very good, and while his standards are high, perhaps not as high, but still very high, things seem a bit more relaxed around here.” Nino knew that he was rambling. From the arch of Jun’s eyebrow, the way that the corner of his mouth twitched ever so slightly he could tell that Jun at least as amused while Sho was blinking at him in confusion.
“Good to know that’s things have not completely deteriorated around here since I have left.” Was Jun’s dry reply, and Nino nodded.
“Things are very much the same. We do get updates of how things are down there, how the software integrations are going--though it seems no one down there knows what they are doing.” Nino glanced to Sho. “My software isn’t that hard to install, but if he is having trouble with it, I am sure the others are.” Nino paused and took a deep breath. This was where things had the potential to fall apart. But if he got fired, then Aiba would always hire him, at least for a little bit (if nothing else, Aiba Masaki, avenging angel of Ninomiya Kazunari for deep injustice of inappropriate termination of employment would be fun to watch). And he could always get Ohno to do something about it as well, really, if this went very very badly.
“What is it, Nino? You don’t often hesitate to speak your mind.” It was Sho who spoke up, but Jun nodded his agreement. Nino did not often hesitate about anything.
“I don’t like being lied to, Sakurai-san.” His voice was serious, and Sho shifted back in the chair, his voice low.
“Lied to?”
“Lied to.” Nino nodded, glancing to Jun before looking at Sho. “You said that he was alright down there, you and Ohno both did, but obviously he is not. Oh-chan said that his brother had yet to unpack his kitchen, and Matsumoto-san obviously has not been eating, his clothing is practically hanging off of him.”
“Jun?” Sho questioned, and Jun looked to Nino, his eyes narrowed, his lips pursed as if he was going to say something to Nino, but instead he looked at Sho, as the other once again spoke, “Jun, they said that you had been working late sometimes but-“
“We can talk about this later, Sho.” His voice was sharp and Nino bit back the words that he wanted to say.
“You should talk about how Matsumoto-kun here needs a personal assistant down there. Obviously when he is not cooking for you, he cannot take care of himself. But I should get back to work before Nagase-nii gets mad at me.” Nino bowed slightly before walking back to his cubicle. Everyone knew that one was a lie, but it was an easy way to end the conversation, knowing Jun and Sho were too polite to say anything about it, at least at the moment.
The ball was in Jun’s court now. Nino had let Jun know that he noticed things were not right, even when others seemed blind to this, and that it mattered to him that Jun was not alright. What he would do with the information was unknown, but it was as much of a step as Nino was willing to take without assurance from Jun that he wanted something from Nino. At this point, Nino would take anything, even if it was just friendship, since the huge Jun shaped hole in his life was wearing him down; and anyone who knew him at all (mostly Oh-chan, Aiba and Sho--if he paused long enough to really look) could see that.
Jun did not look at Sho as Nino walked away, but he did not have to. He was sure that the other saw the way that his lips curved into a smile.
“Is he correct, Jun?” Sho asked, and Jun shrugged. “You haven’t unpacked the kitchen? Its been months...”
“I have been spending a lot of time at the office.” He knew that it was a weak excuse, even as he answered but he was distracted. Nino really did have a brilliant idea, now he just needed Sho, and Nino, to agree to it.
“Jun, you told me that you were fine.” Sho’s voice was low, and he looked at Jun, really looked at Jun; and from the way that his eye narrowed Jun knew that Sho was seeing the truth in Nino’s words. “You don’t have weight to loose, Jun, you never had, and this, this is bad.” Sho paused. “I knew that you were taking it hard, but I did not think that you would let it get to this point. I would have come down there or-“
“Which is what I was trying to avoid. I was getting over it, it is just….” Jun paused, sighing, glancing around to make certain that they were alone. “It is not easy to let someone go, someone that you really truly care about, especially when you think they are with the one person that you care for above all others. I wanted them to work, and yet….” Jun shook his head. “It doesn’t matter now, I do not need to focus on what I thought happened, but in making sure that I make things better with Nino, and focus on what the future may hold.”
Sho nodded. “Aiba, Ohno and I have been talking a lot about this, and we all think that there is hope, that Nino still wants something, more than anything. We just worry that the two of you are too damn stubborn to do anything about it.” Sho looked at Jun, who nodded. This was a distinct possibility.
“I have an idea about that, but I need to see is he and I are on the same page, and how that goes before I-“ Jun paused as Shun entered the lunch area, all smiles and MUCH more relaxed than he was that morning. When Shun suggested that they go about for drinks that night, Jun had to refuse with a smile.
“I promised Aiba-chan that I would go to his place tonight, since it had been a while. I can’t back out on him. I know that Sho is coming, and I think that Aiba let Nino know something is happening tonight, but we shall see.” Jun stood, stretching and smiled. “I should get back to work.”
“We are not done here yet, Jun.” Sho commented, and Jun nodded. “I know, Sho, we can finish later. I will be in the conference room working, come get me when you have time. Your two o’clock appointment just arrived, so you will be occupied for a while.” Jun could not help but smirk as Sho scrambled to his feet, dusting himself off to make sure that there were no crumbs left, before moving to talk with the clients. Shun chuckled once Sho was out of hearing range.
“That was low, even for you Jun. You know how stressed he is before meeting with a client, and you did not give him a chance to compose himself.” Shun could not keep the amusement from his voice as he watched Sho greeting the clients, amazed at how composed Sho looked from this distance.
“If he paid more attention to the time and his job, and less to my personal life, then this wouldn’t be an issue.” Jun snapped back, though there was not malice in his tone.
“We just want you happy Jun and not how you have been pretending to be. Really happy.” Shun lay a hand briefly on Jun’s shoulder, before walking off to his office, leaving Jun staring after him with narrowed eyes. Had it really been that obvious? It had not, since Sho had not noticed, but something hadn’t sat right with Shun, which was disconcerting; but it was not something that he needed to dwell on.
Aiba’s place, as expected, was a lot of fun. This time, unlike previously where Jun was drinking to forget or to drown his sorrows, Jun was drinking to enjoy himself. Not a lot, since he was still not sure where he was going for the night. His brother’s studio was the likely option. He had messaged Satoshi, to make sure that it was alright--which it was (though he had asked why Jun wasn’t staying with Nino, which was irksome). Nino had come, but he spent most the time chatting with Shun and Aiba. Jun did not mind that so much, since what did he and Nino have to talk about that they could discuss in public?
Nothing.
Which was the extent of their interactions.
The place had closed down and Aiba had taken a seat with them, slipping up beside Jun, pulling him into a hug. “I missed MatsuJun, it is nice to have you back, and to see you smiling again. I was worried. Still am.” Aiba commented in a low voice and Jun nodded, taking a sip of his drink while leaning into Aiba.
“I appreciate it. You always made sure that I knew that I was cared for, and missed. I needed that, even if I didn’t always respond.” Jun’s voice was low, and Aiba’s arm tightened around him. He was sure that the other had noticed the weight loss, the way his ribs were easily felt beneath his shirt, but Aiba would not comment on it. He would just shower Jun with love, since that was what he needed at the moment: Unconditional Aiba Masaki love. And he got it.
They drank for what must have been hours, failing to realize how late it was. When Sho finally looked at his watch, he scrambled up, rushing to pay and waving goodbye, hoping the catch the last train back to his place. Shun took off soon after that as well, since he had a girlfriend who wanted him home before the sun came up.
“Jun’s visit is important, after all, but not so important that I stay out all night, she thinks.” Shun commented with a grin and Jun had laughed. Yamada was fun like that. Jun liked her, she went well with Shun, and made the other man happy. It was something that Jun envied.
Jun loitered as Aiba closed up, pulling Nino and Jun out of the building with him. Jun turned then, ready to walk back to Ohno’s place.
“Night, Jun!” Aiba called and Jun waved, not turning around. Only Nino’s words made him pause.
“Where are you staying?”
His back was to Nino and Jun was glad that he could not see the other man, the question in his gaze, or the way that he was sure that Aiba was looking between the two, hopeful.
Jun paused, shoving his hands into his pockets and sighed to himself before answering. It would have been more convenient if he had not noticed. “Satsoshi’s studio. We didn’t think to make hotel reservations for me.”
“Hotel?” Aiba gasped in what Jun could only imagine was horror.
“Oh-chan’s?” Nino repeated. “You have an apartment here, Jun.” His tone did not leave room for argument.
“I had an apartment here. I gave it to you. I will be fine at the studio.”
“Bullshit. It is still your place, will always be yours. You are coming back to your place tonight.” Nino commented, marching forward to grab Jun’s hand and pulling him towards the apartment. Jun did not struggle to get free, not really, but he did grumble with Aiba waving and beaming after them, giving Jun a thumbs up that he was glad Nino would not see.
“My things, Nino, they are at the studio.” Jun protested.
“We can worry about that later. You are staying at the apartment.”
“And sleeping on the couch? I don’t think so.” Jun pulled his hand away, frowning and Nino spun around, his eyes blazing.
“There is a guest futon and you know it, since it was yours and you left it. So stop making excuses, Jun. We need to talk, and it is happening tonight.” Nino grabbed his hand again, dragging him along behind him, and still Jun resisted.
“You didn’t talk to me all night, and this is how you are going to start things?” Jun grumbled, wrenching his hand free. “We need to talk, but not when you have been drinking.” Jun growled moving away, but Nino followed.
“I had just as little as you had, Jun, so you know that I am just as sober as you are.” Nino pursued Jun until the other had backed up, pressed against the wall to Aiba’s place. Jun was glad that the other had gone, that it was late enough with no one around.
“Why are you avoiding this, Jun?” Nino asked, as he stood near Jun, close enough that by all rights they should be touching, their clothes brushing up against each other as they breathed, Jun braced against the wall, looking down at Nino, who looked up at him with a steady gaze.
“Why did you let Satoshi give it to me? Why did it not come from you?” Jun asked and Nino looked away, stepping back slightly.
“He was not supposed to send it. He had no right to take it and-“
“So you never really intended for me to have it?” Jun’s voice was soft, and he pushed off the wall moving in the direction of the studio. After taking a few steps, Jun paused to look at Nino, who stared after Jun. Jun could see confusion there. “If you didn’t want me to have it, Nino, you shouldn’t have made it in the first place. Why go through all the trouble of painting it? And letting me think that you and Satoshi-“ Jun stopped speaking and shook his head, his voice sad.
“It was mine to give you, and he should have let me do it.”
“Would you ever have, Nino?” Jun’s voice was soft, and Nino paused, thinking. Jun sighed, not really giving the other a chance to answer. For him, the hesitation was answer enough. And despite the fact that he had hoped to fix things with Nino, and the others hoped so as well--Jun knew, it seemed that nothing but that was going to happen.
“It would have been too much to ask that this was something that you wanted enough to pursue, instead of just letting it go and seeing what would happen.” Jun’s voice dropped as he spoke and he was not sure if Nino could hear him, but that didn’t really matter. “To be honest, it would have been nice to mean enough to someone that they would pursue me and not let go.”
“You were the one who left.” Nino snapped back, bristling, and it was obvious that he had heard Jun’s comments.
“I left, thinking that you were in love with my brother. And it was because of his actions that I realized that I was mistaken, because of a painting that you apparently didn’t even want me to have. What the hell was I supposed to do, Nino?” Jun ran a hand though his hair. “We can talk more later. This is not the right time or the right place to be having this conversation.”
Jun spun, walking quickly in the direction of Ohno’s studio. He could hear that Nino was following him, the footsteps not quite in time with Jun’s. Jun did not speak, did not look back, but he did glare at the concrete in front of him, hoping that somehow, Nino would just take the hint and leave it alone tonight. But Jun was not so lucky. Why did now have to be the time that Nino chose to be persistent about the entire thing? At least if they got into an argument at Ohno’s studio it wouldn’t bother the neighbors. It was an industrial building, not really cut out for living but it did have a toilet and a shower--a large open space that was perfect for Ohno and his art, but it was mostly empty. A lot of his art supplies had been shipped down to Okinawa after his visit, and Jun had them delivered to the studio that he had found for his brother there. It was not a long walk from Aiba’s place, and Jun had his keys out and was in the door without a word to Nino. He pushed the door close, not sure how far behind him the other was, but was not surprised to hear the door firmly close with a click. Jun had walked across the studio in this shoes, something unusual, but part of him was no longer certain if he was staying there that night. He was in flight mode, and had already asked Sho if he could come by and crash at his place that night if he needed to.
“What part of we are not having this conversation right now did not get through to you?” Jun asked Nino, his voice bristling and hostile, his hands shoved in his pockets, his keys and phone ready and waiting there for his escape.
“You said right time or place, and this is certainly the right place. I don’t see why it cannot be the right time.” Nino answered. He was tired of Jun pushing the matter off, but if he was honest with himself, he hated that Jun was right about the fact that Nino had been content to just let things happen, without doing anything about it.
He had tried to convince himself that he didn’t need Jun, that the gaping hole in his life was something that he would fill again. It had not worked, was not working, and he had already admitted that he needed Jun in his life, even if it was just as a friend.
“How could you even think that I was with Oh-chan?” Nino asked, and Jun almost did not reply, since the answer should be obvious, but looking at Nino, Jun realized after a moment that Nino was serious.
“How? You spent three weeks with him, avoiding all contact with me, brushing off all of my efforts to talk,” Jun drew in a breath. “Or perhaps it’s how you share a brain, and seem to know him better than I do. Or take the fact that half the time when the two of you are together there is no such thing as personal space.” Jun ran a hand through his hair and sagged back against the wall.
“Despite the fact that I wanted, so very much, for you to like me, as I liked you--and for a while, with the kisses and snuggles and touches, though you snuggle with Aiba, and Satoshi, and others I am sure--I had thought that we had something, but then you just shut down and shut me out.”
“You were wrong, Jun. Very wrong.” Nino replied, and Jun nodded.
“I realized that, when Satoshi came to visit, but I thought you knew that. I wrote you that letter, with the lease and things and-“
“I got the letter, and a letter is a bullshit way to do things, Jun. Who ends things with letter?” Nino moved towards Jun, his voice low and controlled, but Jun could sense the anger there, the frustration.
“One has to when they are not given a choice in the matter. It isn’t like I could talk to you, or see you, since you were fucking avoiding me.” Jun snapped and he could see the tension increase in Nino’s frame.
“So this is my fault?” He asked, advancing forward, and Jun sighed, leaning against the wall, his arms now crossed over his chest.
“My decision to leave might have been hasty,” Jun admitted, but he did not stop there, “but we were on a deadline. I could have been more direct about why I needed to talk to you, but if you were happy, and you and Satoshi seemed to be... he is happier than I have seen him before, and I was not going to come between the two of you.”
“You should have,” Nino answered, close to Jun now, in his space. Jun could not hear anger there any longer. And Jun was just tired. Tired of fighting with Nino, tried of trying to figure out what the hell was going on with him.
“I would never do that to him, or you.” Jun insisted, and Nino nodded.
“It is what makes you, you.” Nino agreed, slipping up to Jun, his voice soft now. “You should stop being so damn selfless, Jun, and do something that makes you happy. Don’t make the mistake that I did, and let the one thing that you want slip away from you. You might not be given a second chance to make things right, and even if you are given one, you will hesitate because you are afraid.” Nino whispered. He could not help but smile slightly, as Jun’s hands fell down, to the wall, bracing himself. He was less defensive, more open, and Nino was glad.
“Afraid of what?” Jun replied, his voice soft, tensing slightly as Nino lay a hand on his hip, then the other when Jun did not move away, pulling him closer instead.
“It doesn’t really matter, not anymore.” Nino spoke as he stood up on his toes, pressing his lips to Jun’s. He had to smile into the kiss as Jun raised him arms, sliding them around his body to pull him closer. And it didn’t matter any more, why Nino was afraid of letting Jun in, which had morphed into the fear of never being able to get him back. For the moment all that mattered what he finally finally finally had what he wanted, and he was sure that Jun felt the same way.
The next few days passed in a haze, with Jun and Nino spending a lot of time together. Nino was not sure that he could recall much of it. He hoped that Jun had a better recollection of things, and one day he would ask him about the entire thing, but at the moment he was a little bit grumpy. Jun’s visit had been nice, working with him in the same building again was enjoyable while it lasted, but he had returned to Okinawa (home if Nino was going to be honest, but their apartment was his home, as far as Nino was concerned). No amount of bugging Jun could get him to agree to move back and Sho to move down there instead, and to be honest, Nino would not have wanted Jun to. Part of what made Jun so Jun, was his dedication to the things that mattered to him. And his company was of the utmost importance to him.
What Nino did not expect to see was a letter on his desk, from Jun and Sho.
A job offer.
A new position was tentatively being designed, half time in the Okinawa office, half time in the Tokyo office. In Tokyo, he was a programmer, in Okinawa he would spend a lot of time as the only computer IT person, training people on the software. The remaining hours he would be Jun’s personal assistant, since it had been pointed out that Jun needed one.
Nino was not surprised to find Sho hovering in the entrance to his cubicle as he read the letter. Nino placed the paper down, looking to Sho for a moment.
“You admit that he is hopeless alone then?” Nino asked, and Sho nodded.
“It was his idea though, based on the comment that you had made, and only if you want to, but it would give you both time to figure things out, and get used to the sand.” Sho could not hide his smile at Nino’s grimace. He wondered if Jun had mentioned to Nino just how much time he spent at the beach, just how close the new building was to the water.
“The new facilities will be open in two weeks, and we will need you down there by then, if you accept, but we do need you here half time, for at least a while. Think about it, and let us know.” Sho commented, and as he walked away Nino answered.
“Just make sure that you keep Aiba and Oh-chan company when I am not around, Sakurai.”
And Sho knew that he was beaming as he walked through the office, closing his door, pulling his phone out and sending a message to Jun, who he knew was on a plane at the moment, but it would be a good thing for Jun to find out when he got off the plane. There was a lot to be done and thought about, but for now, Sho needed to consider who in their programming department was capable enough to fill Nino’s shoes.
To: Jun
From: Sho
Re: Personal Assistant
He is much more likely to demand you cook for him than actually assist, but at least you will be eating again. I am happy for you, but if you don't take care of yourself, I will be less than happy. So don’t worry us anymore, alright?
Sho was certain that Jun would be irritated at the message, but the irritation was one of fondness, and he could not help but smile when he got a message from Aiba, full of hearts and smiles and exclamation points. Nino must have talked to Aiba. All in all, life at SM Enterprises was back to a mostly normal, and things were looking up. Sho could not ask for anything more.
A series of events from Jun, Nino and Sho's perspectives
Thanks so so so so so so so much to satsumatsu for looking this over for me, and to thoroughlynerdy for letting me vent and complain when things werent quite working, and helping me get this finished, though I am not certain that she realizes it.
Author's note: While there will not be an epilogue, at some point, when I step away from this for a while and then get back to it, there will be a related one shot. So be on the look out for that.
While Jun messaging Nino did not make things magically better between them, Jun was much more prone to smiling around the office; laughing at messages that he got throughout the day when he was not meeting with clients. Everyone noticed it; though falsly attributed it to the visit his brother paid him, as well as his continued presence around the office--only a few people knew that it was because Jun and Nino were talking again. While it had not been unpleasant to work with Jun, he was a lot more easygoing, though still professional, and those who had transferred to the Okinawa office were glad to have their ‘old’ boss back. While no one was saying it, they had thought that perhaps it would have been better if Sakurai-san had transferred instead. But things were better now, for sure.
Jun was not sure if he and Nino were talking about anything significant, but the fact that there was contact at all made him happy. Then again, Ohno had mentioned that Nino seemed a little bit irritated that Ohno had chosen to interfere--which sounded like Nino. To be fair Jun himself was a bit miffed that Ohno had to do something, that Nino was content to sit in Tokyo and sulk (since he was assured by Shun, and Sho, and Aiba, and Ohno that Nino was sulking; which made him feel a little better about the funk he himself had been in). Given, he was not doing anything to pursue Nino, so it was a little hypocritical of Jun to think Nino would do something (but it was Nino who caused the misunderstanding with the lack of communication). In the end, none of that really mattered since things seemed to be on the mend.
And so, when a few weeks had passed and Sho messaged Jun, saying that there was a meeting in Tokyo he was needed at, Jun did not hesitate to reply that he would be there, and that it would be nice to be back. He meant it; it would be nice to be back, to see Sho and Shun and Aiba and, though the thought was hesitant still, Nino.
What Jun and Sho failed to consider in their planning was where Jun would be staying while he was in Tokyo. When Jun arrived at the airport, all ready to take a taxi to the hotel, Jun realized he had no other address to supply the driver than that of Ohno’s art studio, which he knew had a shower, and shower supplies (though he brought his own) he desperately needed before his meeting. He almost, almost, gave the driver his old apartment address, but it was Nino’s now not his; and he was not sure if he was ready to go back there, honestly. It would depend on how things went with Nino once he saw him; and how things went between them if they had a chance to interact. Jun was certain it was one reason this meeting was scheduled, even if Sho was serious about needing Jun at the meeting. It was one of their larger clients, one that had been dealing mostly with Jun in the design department. And while Shun was good, this was not something that he needed to take on himself, at least not the first time. Given that this was one of their first clients and longest standing contracts, Sho and Jun both wished to stay on as good terms with them as possible.
Jun was at the office early, much earlier than he would have liked, even with the stop at Ohno’s art studio. Sho was already at work, and had been for some time if the pile of empty coffee cups and discarded melon pan from the combi down the street were any indication. Shun was in Sho’s office, pondering over the presentation with him. He, too, looked frazzled this morning, though Jun could not blame him.
“You know, it will be fine. I am here, so nothing could possibly go wrong.” Jun leaned against the door to Sho’s office, his arms crossed over his chest; and while he wished it was not there, he could not keep the fond smile off of his face.
“Jun, you are just in time. I need you to look over this.” Shun motioned Jun over to the desk as he scrambled up, pulling a chair over for Jun to join them, and even as he moved Shun didn’t stop talking. “There are a few things I am unsure of, and while I know that you are doing most of the presentation, I want to make sure that they feel comfortable with me, since I will end up as their local contact.”
“You will do fine, Shun. You would not have my job if I thought otherwise.” Jun’s voice was dry, and Shun nodded, watching Jun as his eyes skimmed over the presentation, making minor changes here or there, but for the most part he left it as it was.
“Missed you too.” Shun quipped back, relaxing as Jun failed to freak out over the state of his presentation. Sho’s laugher, as well as Jun’s greeted the rest of the office as they straggled into work. It was something most had not realized that they had missed, that it had made such difference for their morning--only one person in the office, as he realized who was in Sho’s office, who exactly that laughter belonged to, was truly shaken.
“Why did no one tell me that he was coming?” Nino muttered to himself under his breath as he walked past Sho’s office, heading for his morning coffee. He snuck a glance into the office, frowning as he walked by. “There are a lot of things that people were not telling me, it seems.” Nino muttered to himself. He had known about the meeting, everyone knew that Oguri was freaking out about it, and so, after the meeting, he would have to have a talk with Sho, and Jun. There were things that needed to be said.
Nino was patient enough to wait until after the meeting to corner Jun and Sho in the lunch room--alone. It was the middle of the afternoon, and he was taking a very late lunch break. Waiting for them to finish the meeting had been hellish but it was worth it. He really really needed to have a word with Sho, and Jun, but at this point mostly with Sho. It seemed that Sho was mistaken about a few things.
And so, when the meeting was over, the clients gone and Shun holed up in his office, finally relaxing, Nino strolled over, with his water cup, where Jun and Sho relaxed in the break area over tea, noticing the way that the conversation stopped as he was close. He could feel Jun looking at him, and while it was a familiar feeling, the gaze had never been quite this intense before. It was nice to know that Jun was looking at him, that it wasn’t a Burn and Die, Ninomiya Kazunari, I Don’t Ever Want to See You kind of gaze, which was what he had been afraid of to begin with.
So Nino strolled, walking with purpose to the water cooler, getting a refill of his water, and as he turned around, he steeled himself, nodding with a bright smile at Jun and Sho.
“It is good to see you back here, I hope that the Okinawa office is keeping up with your expectations. They will have to work hard for it, I am sure.” He paused. Jun nodded, a bemused look on his face, which was a lot harder to read than Sho’s look of confusion. “I admit that while Oguri-kun is good at what he does, very good, and while his standards are high, perhaps not as high, but still very high, things seem a bit more relaxed around here.” Nino knew that he was rambling. From the arch of Jun’s eyebrow, the way that the corner of his mouth twitched ever so slightly he could tell that Jun at least as amused while Sho was blinking at him in confusion.
“Good to know that’s things have not completely deteriorated around here since I have left.” Was Jun’s dry reply, and Nino nodded.
“Things are very much the same. We do get updates of how things are down there, how the software integrations are going--though it seems no one down there knows what they are doing.” Nino glanced to Sho. “My software isn’t that hard to install, but if he is having trouble with it, I am sure the others are.” Nino paused and took a deep breath. This was where things had the potential to fall apart. But if he got fired, then Aiba would always hire him, at least for a little bit (if nothing else, Aiba Masaki, avenging angel of Ninomiya Kazunari for deep injustice of inappropriate termination of employment would be fun to watch). And he could always get Ohno to do something about it as well, really, if this went very very badly.
“What is it, Nino? You don’t often hesitate to speak your mind.” It was Sho who spoke up, but Jun nodded his agreement. Nino did not often hesitate about anything.
“I don’t like being lied to, Sakurai-san.” His voice was serious, and Sho shifted back in the chair, his voice low.
“Lied to?”
“Lied to.” Nino nodded, glancing to Jun before looking at Sho. “You said that he was alright down there, you and Ohno both did, but obviously he is not. Oh-chan said that his brother had yet to unpack his kitchen, and Matsumoto-san obviously has not been eating, his clothing is practically hanging off of him.”
“Jun?” Sho questioned, and Jun looked to Nino, his eyes narrowed, his lips pursed as if he was going to say something to Nino, but instead he looked at Sho, as the other once again spoke, “Jun, they said that you had been working late sometimes but-“
“We can talk about this later, Sho.” His voice was sharp and Nino bit back the words that he wanted to say.
“You should talk about how Matsumoto-kun here needs a personal assistant down there. Obviously when he is not cooking for you, he cannot take care of himself. But I should get back to work before Nagase-nii gets mad at me.” Nino bowed slightly before walking back to his cubicle. Everyone knew that one was a lie, but it was an easy way to end the conversation, knowing Jun and Sho were too polite to say anything about it, at least at the moment.
The ball was in Jun’s court now. Nino had let Jun know that he noticed things were not right, even when others seemed blind to this, and that it mattered to him that Jun was not alright. What he would do with the information was unknown, but it was as much of a step as Nino was willing to take without assurance from Jun that he wanted something from Nino. At this point, Nino would take anything, even if it was just friendship, since the huge Jun shaped hole in his life was wearing him down; and anyone who knew him at all (mostly Oh-chan, Aiba and Sho--if he paused long enough to really look) could see that.
Jun did not look at Sho as Nino walked away, but he did not have to. He was sure that the other saw the way that his lips curved into a smile.
“Is he correct, Jun?” Sho asked, and Jun shrugged. “You haven’t unpacked the kitchen? Its been months...”
“I have been spending a lot of time at the office.” He knew that it was a weak excuse, even as he answered but he was distracted. Nino really did have a brilliant idea, now he just needed Sho, and Nino, to agree to it.
“Jun, you told me that you were fine.” Sho’s voice was low, and he looked at Jun, really looked at Jun; and from the way that his eye narrowed Jun knew that Sho was seeing the truth in Nino’s words. “You don’t have weight to loose, Jun, you never had, and this, this is bad.” Sho paused. “I knew that you were taking it hard, but I did not think that you would let it get to this point. I would have come down there or-“
“Which is what I was trying to avoid. I was getting over it, it is just….” Jun paused, sighing, glancing around to make certain that they were alone. “It is not easy to let someone go, someone that you really truly care about, especially when you think they are with the one person that you care for above all others. I wanted them to work, and yet….” Jun shook his head. “It doesn’t matter now, I do not need to focus on what I thought happened, but in making sure that I make things better with Nino, and focus on what the future may hold.”
Sho nodded. “Aiba, Ohno and I have been talking a lot about this, and we all think that there is hope, that Nino still wants something, more than anything. We just worry that the two of you are too damn stubborn to do anything about it.” Sho looked at Jun, who nodded. This was a distinct possibility.
“I have an idea about that, but I need to see is he and I are on the same page, and how that goes before I-“ Jun paused as Shun entered the lunch area, all smiles and MUCH more relaxed than he was that morning. When Shun suggested that they go about for drinks that night, Jun had to refuse with a smile.
“I promised Aiba-chan that I would go to his place tonight, since it had been a while. I can’t back out on him. I know that Sho is coming, and I think that Aiba let Nino know something is happening tonight, but we shall see.” Jun stood, stretching and smiled. “I should get back to work.”
“We are not done here yet, Jun.” Sho commented, and Jun nodded. “I know, Sho, we can finish later. I will be in the conference room working, come get me when you have time. Your two o’clock appointment just arrived, so you will be occupied for a while.” Jun could not help but smirk as Sho scrambled to his feet, dusting himself off to make sure that there were no crumbs left, before moving to talk with the clients. Shun chuckled once Sho was out of hearing range.
“That was low, even for you Jun. You know how stressed he is before meeting with a client, and you did not give him a chance to compose himself.” Shun could not keep the amusement from his voice as he watched Sho greeting the clients, amazed at how composed Sho looked from this distance.
“If he paid more attention to the time and his job, and less to my personal life, then this wouldn’t be an issue.” Jun snapped back, though there was not malice in his tone.
“We just want you happy Jun and not how you have been pretending to be. Really happy.” Shun lay a hand briefly on Jun’s shoulder, before walking off to his office, leaving Jun staring after him with narrowed eyes. Had it really been that obvious? It had not, since Sho had not noticed, but something hadn’t sat right with Shun, which was disconcerting; but it was not something that he needed to dwell on.
Aiba’s place, as expected, was a lot of fun. This time, unlike previously where Jun was drinking to forget or to drown his sorrows, Jun was drinking to enjoy himself. Not a lot, since he was still not sure where he was going for the night. His brother’s studio was the likely option. He had messaged Satoshi, to make sure that it was alright--which it was (though he had asked why Jun wasn’t staying with Nino, which was irksome). Nino had come, but he spent most the time chatting with Shun and Aiba. Jun did not mind that so much, since what did he and Nino have to talk about that they could discuss in public?
Nothing.
Which was the extent of their interactions.
The place had closed down and Aiba had taken a seat with them, slipping up beside Jun, pulling him into a hug. “I missed MatsuJun, it is nice to have you back, and to see you smiling again. I was worried. Still am.” Aiba commented in a low voice and Jun nodded, taking a sip of his drink while leaning into Aiba.
“I appreciate it. You always made sure that I knew that I was cared for, and missed. I needed that, even if I didn’t always respond.” Jun’s voice was low, and Aiba’s arm tightened around him. He was sure that the other had noticed the weight loss, the way his ribs were easily felt beneath his shirt, but Aiba would not comment on it. He would just shower Jun with love, since that was what he needed at the moment: Unconditional Aiba Masaki love. And he got it.
They drank for what must have been hours, failing to realize how late it was. When Sho finally looked at his watch, he scrambled up, rushing to pay and waving goodbye, hoping the catch the last train back to his place. Shun took off soon after that as well, since he had a girlfriend who wanted him home before the sun came up.
“Jun’s visit is important, after all, but not so important that I stay out all night, she thinks.” Shun commented with a grin and Jun had laughed. Yamada was fun like that. Jun liked her, she went well with Shun, and made the other man happy. It was something that Jun envied.
Jun loitered as Aiba closed up, pulling Nino and Jun out of the building with him. Jun turned then, ready to walk back to Ohno’s place.
“Night, Jun!” Aiba called and Jun waved, not turning around. Only Nino’s words made him pause.
“Where are you staying?”
His back was to Nino and Jun was glad that he could not see the other man, the question in his gaze, or the way that he was sure that Aiba was looking between the two, hopeful.
Jun paused, shoving his hands into his pockets and sighed to himself before answering. It would have been more convenient if he had not noticed. “Satsoshi’s studio. We didn’t think to make hotel reservations for me.”
“Hotel?” Aiba gasped in what Jun could only imagine was horror.
“Oh-chan’s?” Nino repeated. “You have an apartment here, Jun.” His tone did not leave room for argument.
“I had an apartment here. I gave it to you. I will be fine at the studio.”
“Bullshit. It is still your place, will always be yours. You are coming back to your place tonight.” Nino commented, marching forward to grab Jun’s hand and pulling him towards the apartment. Jun did not struggle to get free, not really, but he did grumble with Aiba waving and beaming after them, giving Jun a thumbs up that he was glad Nino would not see.
“My things, Nino, they are at the studio.” Jun protested.
“We can worry about that later. You are staying at the apartment.”
“And sleeping on the couch? I don’t think so.” Jun pulled his hand away, frowning and Nino spun around, his eyes blazing.
“There is a guest futon and you know it, since it was yours and you left it. So stop making excuses, Jun. We need to talk, and it is happening tonight.” Nino grabbed his hand again, dragging him along behind him, and still Jun resisted.
“You didn’t talk to me all night, and this is how you are going to start things?” Jun grumbled, wrenching his hand free. “We need to talk, but not when you have been drinking.” Jun growled moving away, but Nino followed.
“I had just as little as you had, Jun, so you know that I am just as sober as you are.” Nino pursued Jun until the other had backed up, pressed against the wall to Aiba’s place. Jun was glad that the other had gone, that it was late enough with no one around.
“Why are you avoiding this, Jun?” Nino asked, as he stood near Jun, close enough that by all rights they should be touching, their clothes brushing up against each other as they breathed, Jun braced against the wall, looking down at Nino, who looked up at him with a steady gaze.
“Why did you let Satoshi give it to me? Why did it not come from you?” Jun asked and Nino looked away, stepping back slightly.
“He was not supposed to send it. He had no right to take it and-“
“So you never really intended for me to have it?” Jun’s voice was soft, and he pushed off the wall moving in the direction of the studio. After taking a few steps, Jun paused to look at Nino, who stared after Jun. Jun could see confusion there. “If you didn’t want me to have it, Nino, you shouldn’t have made it in the first place. Why go through all the trouble of painting it? And letting me think that you and Satoshi-“ Jun stopped speaking and shook his head, his voice sad.
“It was mine to give you, and he should have let me do it.”
“Would you ever have, Nino?” Jun’s voice was soft, and Nino paused, thinking. Jun sighed, not really giving the other a chance to answer. For him, the hesitation was answer enough. And despite the fact that he had hoped to fix things with Nino, and the others hoped so as well--Jun knew, it seemed that nothing but that was going to happen.
“It would have been too much to ask that this was something that you wanted enough to pursue, instead of just letting it go and seeing what would happen.” Jun’s voice dropped as he spoke and he was not sure if Nino could hear him, but that didn’t really matter. “To be honest, it would have been nice to mean enough to someone that they would pursue me and not let go.”
“You were the one who left.” Nino snapped back, bristling, and it was obvious that he had heard Jun’s comments.
“I left, thinking that you were in love with my brother. And it was because of his actions that I realized that I was mistaken, because of a painting that you apparently didn’t even want me to have. What the hell was I supposed to do, Nino?” Jun ran a hand though his hair. “We can talk more later. This is not the right time or the right place to be having this conversation.”
Jun spun, walking quickly in the direction of Ohno’s studio. He could hear that Nino was following him, the footsteps not quite in time with Jun’s. Jun did not speak, did not look back, but he did glare at the concrete in front of him, hoping that somehow, Nino would just take the hint and leave it alone tonight. But Jun was not so lucky. Why did now have to be the time that Nino chose to be persistent about the entire thing? At least if they got into an argument at Ohno’s studio it wouldn’t bother the neighbors. It was an industrial building, not really cut out for living but it did have a toilet and a shower--a large open space that was perfect for Ohno and his art, but it was mostly empty. A lot of his art supplies had been shipped down to Okinawa after his visit, and Jun had them delivered to the studio that he had found for his brother there. It was not a long walk from Aiba’s place, and Jun had his keys out and was in the door without a word to Nino. He pushed the door close, not sure how far behind him the other was, but was not surprised to hear the door firmly close with a click. Jun had walked across the studio in this shoes, something unusual, but part of him was no longer certain if he was staying there that night. He was in flight mode, and had already asked Sho if he could come by and crash at his place that night if he needed to.
“What part of we are not having this conversation right now did not get through to you?” Jun asked Nino, his voice bristling and hostile, his hands shoved in his pockets, his keys and phone ready and waiting there for his escape.
“You said right time or place, and this is certainly the right place. I don’t see why it cannot be the right time.” Nino answered. He was tired of Jun pushing the matter off, but if he was honest with himself, he hated that Jun was right about the fact that Nino had been content to just let things happen, without doing anything about it.
He had tried to convince himself that he didn’t need Jun, that the gaping hole in his life was something that he would fill again. It had not worked, was not working, and he had already admitted that he needed Jun in his life, even if it was just as a friend.
“How could you even think that I was with Oh-chan?” Nino asked, and Jun almost did not reply, since the answer should be obvious, but looking at Nino, Jun realized after a moment that Nino was serious.
“How? You spent three weeks with him, avoiding all contact with me, brushing off all of my efforts to talk,” Jun drew in a breath. “Or perhaps it’s how you share a brain, and seem to know him better than I do. Or take the fact that half the time when the two of you are together there is no such thing as personal space.” Jun ran a hand through his hair and sagged back against the wall.
“Despite the fact that I wanted, so very much, for you to like me, as I liked you--and for a while, with the kisses and snuggles and touches, though you snuggle with Aiba, and Satoshi, and others I am sure--I had thought that we had something, but then you just shut down and shut me out.”
“You were wrong, Jun. Very wrong.” Nino replied, and Jun nodded.
“I realized that, when Satoshi came to visit, but I thought you knew that. I wrote you that letter, with the lease and things and-“
“I got the letter, and a letter is a bullshit way to do things, Jun. Who ends things with letter?” Nino moved towards Jun, his voice low and controlled, but Jun could sense the anger there, the frustration.
“One has to when they are not given a choice in the matter. It isn’t like I could talk to you, or see you, since you were fucking avoiding me.” Jun snapped and he could see the tension increase in Nino’s frame.
“So this is my fault?” He asked, advancing forward, and Jun sighed, leaning against the wall, his arms now crossed over his chest.
“My decision to leave might have been hasty,” Jun admitted, but he did not stop there, “but we were on a deadline. I could have been more direct about why I needed to talk to you, but if you were happy, and you and Satoshi seemed to be... he is happier than I have seen him before, and I was not going to come between the two of you.”
“You should have,” Nino answered, close to Jun now, in his space. Jun could not hear anger there any longer. And Jun was just tired. Tired of fighting with Nino, tried of trying to figure out what the hell was going on with him.
“I would never do that to him, or you.” Jun insisted, and Nino nodded.
“It is what makes you, you.” Nino agreed, slipping up to Jun, his voice soft now. “You should stop being so damn selfless, Jun, and do something that makes you happy. Don’t make the mistake that I did, and let the one thing that you want slip away from you. You might not be given a second chance to make things right, and even if you are given one, you will hesitate because you are afraid.” Nino whispered. He could not help but smile slightly, as Jun’s hands fell down, to the wall, bracing himself. He was less defensive, more open, and Nino was glad.
“Afraid of what?” Jun replied, his voice soft, tensing slightly as Nino lay a hand on his hip, then the other when Jun did not move away, pulling him closer instead.
“It doesn’t really matter, not anymore.” Nino spoke as he stood up on his toes, pressing his lips to Jun’s. He had to smile into the kiss as Jun raised him arms, sliding them around his body to pull him closer. And it didn’t matter any more, why Nino was afraid of letting Jun in, which had morphed into the fear of never being able to get him back. For the moment all that mattered what he finally finally finally had what he wanted, and he was sure that Jun felt the same way.
The next few days passed in a haze, with Jun and Nino spending a lot of time together. Nino was not sure that he could recall much of it. He hoped that Jun had a better recollection of things, and one day he would ask him about the entire thing, but at the moment he was a little bit grumpy. Jun’s visit had been nice, working with him in the same building again was enjoyable while it lasted, but he had returned to Okinawa (home if Nino was going to be honest, but their apartment was his home, as far as Nino was concerned). No amount of bugging Jun could get him to agree to move back and Sho to move down there instead, and to be honest, Nino would not have wanted Jun to. Part of what made Jun so Jun, was his dedication to the things that mattered to him. And his company was of the utmost importance to him.
What Nino did not expect to see was a letter on his desk, from Jun and Sho.
A job offer.
A new position was tentatively being designed, half time in the Okinawa office, half time in the Tokyo office. In Tokyo, he was a programmer, in Okinawa he would spend a lot of time as the only computer IT person, training people on the software. The remaining hours he would be Jun’s personal assistant, since it had been pointed out that Jun needed one.
Nino was not surprised to find Sho hovering in the entrance to his cubicle as he read the letter. Nino placed the paper down, looking to Sho for a moment.
“You admit that he is hopeless alone then?” Nino asked, and Sho nodded.
“It was his idea though, based on the comment that you had made, and only if you want to, but it would give you both time to figure things out, and get used to the sand.” Sho could not hide his smile at Nino’s grimace. He wondered if Jun had mentioned to Nino just how much time he spent at the beach, just how close the new building was to the water.
“The new facilities will be open in two weeks, and we will need you down there by then, if you accept, but we do need you here half time, for at least a while. Think about it, and let us know.” Sho commented, and as he walked away Nino answered.
“Just make sure that you keep Aiba and Oh-chan company when I am not around, Sakurai.”
And Sho knew that he was beaming as he walked through the office, closing his door, pulling his phone out and sending a message to Jun, who he knew was on a plane at the moment, but it would be a good thing for Jun to find out when he got off the plane. There was a lot to be done and thought about, but for now, Sho needed to consider who in their programming department was capable enough to fill Nino’s shoes.
To: Jun
From: Sho
Re: Personal Assistant
He is much more likely to demand you cook for him than actually assist, but at least you will be eating again. I am happy for you, but if you don't take care of yourself, I will be less than happy. So don’t worry us anymore, alright?
Sho was certain that Jun would be irritated at the message, but the irritation was one of fondness, and he could not help but smile when he got a message from Aiba, full of hearts and smiles and exclamation points. Nino must have talked to Aiba. All in all, life at SM Enterprises was back to a mostly normal, and things were looking up. Sho could not ask for anything more.