What's love got to do with it? (Juntoshi)

[doctoggy]

Pairing: Juntoshi
Collar Universe
A request from sesquerdo
for the help_pilipinas auction. 
The prompt: Write the how Jun realized that he was in love with Ohno story. 
Relates to a series of stories that can be found listed in the master post

So I think its done. Thanks to  satsumatsu for looking it over. 
Author's note: lyrics taken from taijiproject.



Jun was on a cleaning spree. It was a rare event that he got to be home often enough to clean, really clean, but there was an odd lapse in his schedule he was not going to argue with, using it to clean up the apartment that he and Ohno shared. In a few days they were having the guys over for a dinner party, to celebrate their new album, and it was as good a reason to do a thorough spring cleaning. Ohno’s mother kept offering to come over and clean, but Jun was a perfectly capable house keeper, thank you very much, and it was not like he needed to prove to Ohno’s family that he was perfectly capable of taking care of their son, but he needed to prove that he was capable of taking care of Ohno. Since Ohno had lived at home for many years, Jun knew that his family was aware of the crazy schedules idols kept. Ohno had commented once, that his mother was worried that they worked too hard, especially Matsumoto-kun. This had been in their early dating phase, when Jun was not sure if Ohno had even told his parents (they knew by now, at least his mother did, and she did not seem to mind, since Ohno was obviously happy) but Jun still felt that he needed to show Mrs. Ohno that he was capable of being a good match for Ohno, in spite of their schedules.

And he took the chance, on his days off, instead of catching up on sleep (only a little), he did the laundry and cleaned, and cleaned. Jun was now in one of the closets, sorting through boxes, trying to figure out if there was anything that needed to be tossed.

He stopped, though, when he spotted a box, blue, with a small red heart sticker on it, and he could not help but flush a little in embarrassment as he picked it up and moved out of the closet.

It was something that he had started when he and Ohno first started dating, or really when Ohno had started courting him really. Ohno would bring him random things, write or leave him letters. And while the jewelry started with the necklace, the one that Ohno gave to him when Jun agreed to date Ohno for the first time, there were a lot of memories in the box. Jun had several of these boxes now, but they were less frequent, as Ohno, when he gifted him things now, it tended to be jewelry, or resin figures of his drama characters, or something that could go on display in their apartment.

In some ways the romance between them had changed, and Jun wondered if he should do something about that, the last thing that he wanted was for them to become complacent with each other, though with their lives and their schedules it was not like a picnic date to the park, with hand holding and a romantic kiss at sunset could ever work. Plus, Ohno was, if you listened to the TV shows, much more of an Odaiba date kind of guy.

Which was something that Jun could very much manage. And maybe a outing to the beach at sunset, and dinner somewhere.  He would have to look into their schedules and see, but it had been a while since Jun had done something for Ohno. (Which was a bit of a lie, there was the fishing trip that he had planned for him earlier that year, and the promise of a trip to fish with both of them, then there was that night at the onsen, since Jun had found a pretty good one in Tokyo that was deserted at night, and Ohno and he had both gotten some necessary relaxing in) but Jun had not done anything for Ohno since the entire you are sick and grumpy and may or may not want to break up with me fiasco a few months earlier. Ohno had been trying more to remind Jun that he was loved and cared for and amazing, and Jun was still floored by this, every time. Ohno would scold him if he found out that Jun was selling himself short, again, but it was hard to grow out of. In his head Jun knew that Ohno would not take just anyone to date, and that Arashi would not be Arashi without him, without all of them, and that he contributed a lot to the group, and to the agency, and that he was more than just a pretty face, despite the entire entering into the agency without an audition thing. He knew these things but to feel them, and live them was something different. But Ohno had still picked him, and picked him every day.

Jun stirred a little when Ohno came home, and as Ohno shuffled into the kitchen, Jun could hear the noise of surprise at the fact that there was take out, and not something that Jun had cooked himself. Usually when they were off Jun cooked up a storm, and they had food for days, some going into the freezer, some going into the fridge.

“Jun?” Ohno called from the kitchen, shuffling into the living room, and he ahhh-ed, when he saw Jun surrounded by tokens and trinkets and letters.

“I found this when cleaning, and got a bit distracted.” Jun’s smile was sweet, sentimental and Ohno moved to stand behind him, hugging him slowly from behind. It was not something that Jun loved, but Ohno did it often enough when they were home that it was something that Jun was getting used to.

“I can see that.” Amusement colored his voice and he dropped a kiss on Jun’s cheek. “Looking at all the tokens on my love, I see.”

“Hmm,” Jun nodded, placing a letter on the table.

“How did you even start loving me, I was as pleasant as a cactus some days, I am sure.” Jun could feel Ohno’s laugh and the vibrations of his chest before he heard the chuckling, and Ohno shrugged against Jun.

“You were so enthusiastic, and passionate, and gave everything that you had for Arashi, and you are Jun. You love the experiments that Aiba does, and that boyish charm is endearing. You are fierce, and loyal, and lovely, and more than that, you are Matsumoto Jun. The better answer is how could I not love you?”

“Silly.” Jun commented, leaning back into the embrace. He could still recall, vividly, their beginnings. It was right before shooting for Hanadan 2 that Ohno had confessed, and right after that Jun had agreed to date Ohno, and give him a chance. And it was during the end of their Arashi Around Asia Tour, and during the beginnings of their Time tour that Jun realized that he himself was in love. It had been a little bit crazy.

~~~~~

At twenty three, Jun did not know what it was like to be in love. Sure, they answered magazine questionnaires about love all the time, what they would do with the person they love, where they would take them, what type of woman they wanted (to which Jun lied through his teeth, and described the kind of man that he wanted, but sometimes you just had to give the fans what they wanted), but none of those magazines talked about what it was like to be in love. And Jun was not sure who he could ask. His sister and mother were out of the question. While he was friends with Inoue Mao, they were not close enough that he wanted to go there, since it would raise more questions than he wanted to deal with. He could not ask Shun, or anyone in Arashi, and so he was stuck attempting to sneak glances at magazines aimed at teenagers, talking about love, and ones heart pitter pattering, and the feeling of butterflies in his stomach and he could not help but think that this was crap.

At least he did not have to BUY the magazines, since in half the magazines they were featured in (and Jun collected them all) he could find articles on this sort of thing.

And so Jun was kind of stuck. Ohno was convinced that he was in love with Jun, and Jun did not doubt that, but the question he was asking himself was what was love, and how would he know when he was in love. He had thought that he was in love with Sho, but that was not love, that was pain, and embarrassment, and perhaps infatuation, but Jun knew (at least he fervently hoped) that that was not what love was. Since if love brought that kind of suffering and trauma he was certain that he did not want it. Finally, Jun had gone so far to ask Ohno about it, and how he knew that he loved Jun, but Ohno had just smiled, chuckling, his eyes crinkling at the corners and said

“Jun-kun will know when he is in love, but if you have to ask, then you are not.”

Which while wise, and Riida like, that was not actually any help to Jun.

This was something that Jun thought a lot about, as their Arashi Around Asia tour wrapped up in Tokyo Dome, and as they were preparing for their TIME concert. Not that he had a lot of time to think, none of them had, but the time in the showers between practices, after the concerts; rare moments alone, and even rarer moments with Ohno, in the short time between laying down and falling asleep... it was often on his mind, though he never brought it up to Ohno again.

Ohno knew, somehow he always knew, and one day, when Jun was particularly frazzled, and his head hurt (whether from lack of sleep, or lack of food, or lack of caffeine, or because he was thinking to hard was unclear, but it hurt) Ohno had shuffled over to him, handing him a bottle of water and Tylenol from Jun’s bag, and told Jun, in the brief moment before the others came into the room, not to think so much about it, since he would know when he knew.

“I am not worried about it, Jun.” Ohno’s voice was low, and he used Jun’s given name, and nothing else. Jun shifted, looking at Ohno’s serious expression. “I know you are trying your best, and that is enough for me. I don’t need an answer until you have one.”

Jun had opened his mouth to reply, but it was then that the others came into the room and Ohno moved away.

“I hope your headache gets better, MatsuJun.” Was what the others heard as Ohno settled onto the couch. Jun just made a noise, and sighed, closing his eyes and attempting to sleep on the couch, for a few moments.

It  most certainly was not fair to Ohno, and Jun did not deserve such consideration. The logical part of his brain told him that it was Ohno who had wanted to date him, even though Ohno knew that Jun was still harboring feelings for Sho. And sometimes, when Jun saw how open and friendly Sho was with everyone else in the band, and so cold with him, it still hurt. Jun treated him the same, but that did not change that fact that it was not how he wanted things to be. His confession should not have brought such a reaction, and some days things were not so frigid between them, so Jun was not certain what was going on.

The logical part of Jun’s brain also told him that he was being an idiot; that while he was dating Satoshi, since to himself that was what Jun called his boyfriend, he deserved all of Jun’s thoughts and heart and efforts, and it did not matter what Sho was doing and with whom, and this was correct.

Which always got the emotional part of his brain informing him, in a voice that sounded oddly like Nino some days, and like Aiba on others, that Ohno deserved far better than Jun, and if this was all that Jun could give him, all that Jun could be for him, then he just needed to let Ohno go.

But that thought alone made Jun very unhappy.

Jun was certain that he looked up to Ohno, and that he admired him.

He liked making Ohno smile, and he liked the smile that was reserved for him, when they were alone, their hands entwined, with Ohno napping on his shoulders, or they were watching TV. He liked the way that Ohno’s face lit up, and how enthusiastic he was, always was, about the food that Jun made for them when he had time. Jun knew all of these things, but he did not think that meant that he was in love.

Ohno had a special place in his heart, this was true, but so did Nino, and Aiba, and even Sho, though that part was a bit broken and sad.

And so Jun thought, and watched, and thought some more, and tried not to kill any more brain cells thinking, that he did living the life of an idol who ran on nothing but sugar and caffeine.

~~~~~

It was the first night of the tour, and Jun had the privilege of rooming with Nino. At least, since they had rooms with double beds (as opposed to a queen) there might be enough room for the both of them on the bed--no matter which member of Arashi he was rooming with, Nino always always shared a bed. That was just how it was, so if you wanted your own bed that night, well, switch rooms with someone. And while Jun would have preferred Ohno (since it would be the first time since the entire dating thing started that they would room together on tour) Nino was good.

It did not take long until Nino was settled into bed with Jun and that the inevitable questioning came. And though it was dark, Nino knew Jun well enough not to need the light to begin his questioning. By this point, they had had enough of these late night in bed on tour question sessions for Nino to know Jun’s reactions by now. And so, with Nino snuggled back against Jun, one of Jun’s arms flung across his body (Jun wondered if Ohno would mind if he knew, or if he also did this with Nino, or why he wondered if Ohno would mind, and if he should bring it up to Ohno, though one of the things that they had discussed was the fact that they were dating was not going to change the group dynamics or interactions in the last, and that Ohno and Nino were and always would be close, and that Jun and Nino and Aiba had a friendship that Ohno would never be able to breach, since they had history that Ohno did not share with them, and that it was going to have to be alright.)

Since no matter how much they might like each other, if it was going to effect the band, it was not something that they would allow themselves to pursue. And so far it had not, but who knew what would happen in the future.

And so, Jun allowed Nino to snuggle back with him, finding comfort in having someone else there, in this hotel room in a city that was not his home. And he waited, for Nino to ask what he was going to.

“What is bothering you?” Nino did not bother with light conversation, or idle chatter, he went straight to the heart of the matter.

“Bothering me, nothing.” Was Jun’s immediate response, but he could hear Nino scoff. He most certainly did not believe that one bit.

“Lies, Jun.” Nino answered and Jun hmm-ed in response.

“I was just thinking, it seems that everyone around me is dating someone.” Jun was careful with his words, it was not a lie, as they WERE dating someone, but it was not exactly what was on his mind, but he could get out what he wanted, and hopefully it would prevent Nino from asking the question that Jun did not want to answer. “And they seem so happy, and they say they are in love, but what is being in love, how do you know.”

“Have you never been in love?” Nino shifted, peering at Jun in the dark, and Jun sighed.

“I thought I loved Sho-kun, but I don’t think that was love.” Jun paused. “What is love to you, Nino?”

Nino was silent for a long time, and Jun knew that he was thinking, and remembering, and perhaps regretting. “I fall in love all the time. I see someone on the street, she catches my eye, and I imagine things with her, but I never do anything about it. It’s a happy feeling in the pit of my stomach, and the feeling that if she would just look at me, for a moment, that I could fly. I don’t have time, not really, for the kind of love that you are asking about, but I think, that if that other persons happiness comes before theirs, and if just being with that person is enough to make them happy, that is probably is love.” Nino’s voice was soft as he spoke, and Jun could not help but pull him close, into a hug.

“Masaki would say that is how he feels about us all the time.” Jun was glad when Nino laughed, glad that he could lighten the mood, and it occurred to him that perhaps one could not have a deep and meaningful love relationship unless one had a meaningful friendship first. What Nino spoke of, he wanted for all of his friends; but for Arashi, he would do anything, really do anything if it would bring them true happiness.

“We all love Arashi.” Nino’s reply was confident, and Jun knew the truth of the statement. They all loved Arashi, but they were not in love with Arashi.

“But whatever is bothering you, Jun, try not to let it get to you too much. If they are happy, then it should be enough for you, right?”

Jun didn’t reply. He couldn’t, not really.

“They won’t leave you behind, and if they do, we are here for you. We wouldn’t leave you alone.” Nino’s voice faded as sleep took him, and Jun had no words, just consumed with thoughts--of Arashi, of Ohno, of what he had with Ohno, and what it would do to Arashi. Eventually he found sleep, but when it came it was a restless sleep, and Jun was still no closer to an answer.

He now was certain, though, that love meant putting the other first, but he did that with most people he cared about. What did love have to do with that?

The next night Ohno ended up rooming with Jun, and when Jun asked why, not that he was upset, but he was supposed to be with Nino for a few more nights, Ohno had laughed, his eyes crinkling in a way that Jun found endearing.

“Nino is worried about you, He thinks you are thinking too much, so he wanted me to talk to you, and make certain that everything is alright with Jun.” Ohno tugged on Jun’s hand, the hand that he was holding, and pulled Jun down onto the bed beside him, leaning against his shoulder.

“I told Nino that you were fine but he did not believe me. So I said that I would talk to you if it would make him feel better.” Ohno squeezed Jun’s hand, lacing his fingers with Jun’s, and smiled when Jun’s grip tightened in return.

“Anything else that is bothering you?” Ohno’s voice was sleepy, and he was surprised when he felt Jun nodding, and shifting, to lean his head on Ohno’s.

“You know how Nino gets when he sleeps?” Was what Jun asked, and Ohno nodded. He knew well, as to begin with it was always Nino rooming with Ohno, and sometimes in the morning it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began, since Nino was just a cling while he slept kind of guy.

“Does it bother you? That last night…” Jun’s voice trailed off, and while he realized that it would sound like he and Nino did something, nothing happened, and nothing would happen.

“Arashi hold’s hands, because we are Arashi. Arashi shares beds with Nino, because it is Nino.” Ohno shifted so he could face Jun, and Jun shifted in response, so he was looking at Ohno. “Arashi kisses, because we are Arashi, and we have Aiba.” Ohno placed a kiss on Jun’s cheek, brief and chaste, and Jun nodded, smiling. This was true, all of it.

“But these, as long as we are dating, is only mine.” Ohno leaned forward, capturing Jun’s lips with his own, and when he broke the kiss Jun nodded, and was sure that Ohno could see that his cheeks were flushed, and that he would not meet Ohno’s eyes. He was too embarrassed.

“I would never betray you like that. If I had the desire too, it would mean that this was not working, and if you had the desire to, it would mean that I did something to drive you away.” Jun paused, glancing at Ohno. “Jun’s lips are yours, but I cannot say the same for my drama characters, since it is possible that I will have to kiss people there.”

Ohno nodded. “Jun is attractive, it is probably going to happen. But those are MatsuJun of Arashi’s lips. So it’s allowed.” Ohno leaned forward, kneeling on the bed, and pulled Jun into another kiss, his hand tangling in Jun’s hair, and Jun arched into the kiss, pulling Ohno against him.

It was bed time, and if the others were going to let them room together they would certainly take advantage of it.

~~~~~~

It was later yet on the tour, when Jun was approached by, of all people, Chinen. Hey Say Jump was on tour with them, as preparation and publication for their debut. Chinen had waited until Jun was alone to approach him, and approached with hesitation and a bow.

“I-I had a question for you, Matsumoto-san?” Chinen asked, and Jun had motioned that he should go ahead. Jun was packing his bag for the day, trying to get everything back the way that it had come out, and it was not working as well as it should. This was probably due to the fact that Ohno had snuck in a shirt (a gift for Jun that he had not had a chance to look at well yet, and an unusual one from him at that, as well as a necklace and a ring, at least that was what Jun assumed was in the two jewelry boxes) and that took up just enough room in his bag that Jun could not really get everything back in.

Jun could hear Chinen shifting, and wondered why the other was so hesitant.

“You are close with Ohno-senpai, right?” Chinen asked, and Jun was glad he was turned away, hiding his smile. So that’s what this was about. Everyone knew that Chinen admired Ohno, really admired him, and he was part of the reason that Chinen was in Johnny’s.

“All of us in Arashi are close.” Was the answer that Jun gave, and Chinen nodded, and sighed.

“We can all tell, it is just…” Chinen hesitated, “I wondered if you could tell me how to get close to Ohno-senpai. I admire him, and I really would like to be closer with him.” Chinen stammered a little, but Jun was impressed that he got his request out at all.

“And why ask me?” Jun shouldered his bag and looked to Chinen, who smiled up at him bright eyes and with a smile.

“Matsumoto-san is always so helpful with us juniors, and we all know that you admire Ohno-senpai, and so I thought that you could help me with this.”

Jun wondered how obvious his admiration of Ohno was that others were noticing it, but it did not seem to involve the same level of ridicule that his ‘admiration’ for Sho had brought about.

“I could tell you, but will it mean as much if someone else tells you how to do it, Chinen-chan?” Jun moved towards the door to the room, and paused to look at Chinen. “Even it I told you, it would be telling you things that I discovered about Oh-chan through talking with him, and getting to know him. If you want to be closer to him, the only thing that will mean anything will be through your own efforts.” Jun nodded to Chinen, whom he could hear thanking him as he walked out the door.

What was odd, as Jun walked down the hall, was that he had an odd tightness in his chest, and a nausea, that had only come on as he was talking with Chinen. There was no way that he could be jealous, there was no reason to be. There was no way that Ohno would go for someone so - illegal - and yet, Jun could not help that part of him that was still insecure, despite everything, from wondering if perhaps Ohno would want someone who could readily announce his devotion to him. Someone who knew what love was, and who was in love. Someone who could love him with their whole heart and not the tattered remains of one. Someone who was, in short, not Jun.

Later that night, when Ohno knocked on Jun’s door, Jun pulled the older man close and Ohno just held him, and hugged him. And when Jun trembled in Ohno’s embrace, under his touch, the elder did not comment on it, just held Jun, when it was obvious that he needed holding. And when Ohno whispered, when he thought Jun was asleep, I love you, and Jun, much later, when he thought Ohno was asleep whispered back, I really really like you, a lot, then Ohno knew better than to comment on it, or to question what had brought about this unspoken insecurity.

~~~~~~

It was a few days later though, when Jun passed Hey Say Jump! In the hallways of the agency, and he heard them talking about Chinen, and Ohno, that Jun wondered if perhaps he should talk to Ohno about the entire Chinen thing. In particular the comments that Chinen was asking Ohno for private dance lessons, and that he hoped to use the time to confess to Ohno was somewhat alarming to Jun, though he could not really pin down why (beyond the Arashi is Arashi and you can’t have any of it, and Ohno is mine feelings, but those were normal, really, normal for Arashi anyways (though if Nino knew, he might make Chinen’s life hell, which was more tempting to Jun than it should be, really)). And so, when Jun passed Chinen and Ohno later, with Chinen smiling up at Ohno with bright and hopeful eyes, asking his idol (and apparent crush) if he would have time to help with his dancing, and teach him to dance like Ohno, Jun felt his heart stop, for a moment, as if dropped to his stomach. He knew that Ohno was aware that Jun was there, as he had caught the others gaze for the briefest moment before smiling down at Chinen. It was a smile that Jun knew well, the idol Ohno smile he gave when he needed to appear nice and awake, but it was not the real smile, where the corners of his eyes crinkled and that chuckle laugh sounded that Jun adored. So this at least gave Jun hope that Ohno was not taken by the younger man.

“I am sorry, Chinen-kun, I won’t be able to help you out, it is not something that I can teach in just a session or two.”

“I am willing to spend as long as I need to, if Ohno-senpai is willing to teach me.”

“I don’t have the time, though. This is why we have instructors, and choreographers.” Ohno insisted and Jun could see Chinen draw in a breath, straightening, as if steeling himself to say something.

“But I really like and admire Ohno-senpai and I had hoped that-“ Chinen’s voice trailed off as Ohno shifted, the smile on his face changing, and Jun knew that his eyes widened as Ohno spoke.

“Ah, MatsuJun, I was wondering when you were going to show up. I was starting to get hungry, and you promised me dinner.” Jun could not recall such promise, but there was no way that he was going to let Chinen know that. If Ohno wanted to play the avoid the confession by using his bandmate/boyfriend strategy, then Jun would be more than happy to help.

“Ohno-kun, I was wondering where you were. Sorry to interrupt.” Jun moved to stand near Ohno, smiling at Chinen. “Please, don’t let me stop your conversation, do continue.” Jun was certain that to those who did not know him, his tone came off as casual, like he had not been standing there for the entire conversation. But from the way that Ohno shifted, he knew that Ohno was quite aware that Jun wanted anything but for Chinen to finish the conversation.

“It is nothing.” Jun could see Chinen wilt, and he was almost sorry for the younger man, almost. “I was just hoping that Ohno-senpai could give me dance lessons, since he is so good, and I admire him so much, but I don’t want to trouble him.” Chinen bowed at Ohno, and then Jun. “See you both soon.” And with those words he was gone, pulling the door close behind him, and Ohno followed, making sure that the door was firmly closed and locked before he turned to look at Jun, with a look that Jun knew would lead to a scolding.

“Jun…” Ohno’s voice was low and Jun just sighed.

“Chinen came to me last week, asking if I knew how to get closer to you. I told him that it would mean nothing if I told him how.” Jun ran a hand though his hair, and sank down onto the arm of the couch, needing somewhere to sit.

“And you were worried?” Jun could hear the amusement in Ohno’s voice, even as the other walked closer to him, and Jun closed his eyes with a sigh.

“You know I think you deserve better than this, than me.” Jun’s voice was low, and he opened his eyes--not when he heard Ohno moving closer, or when the other stood, pressing against his legs--only when he felt Ohno lift up the necklace that Jun was wearing, the one that Ohno had given to Jun the night they started dating. It was the one that Jun wore most often, though Ohno had already given him several others. Ohno did not say anything, but just played with the charm on the necklace, his fingers gently brushing across Jun’s throat and collar bones, staring at the charm as it moved along the chain. Jun could not look away, as Ohno studied the charm, the intensity of his gaze. It was a look that was not levels on a lot of things, just things that Ohno liked, and intrigued him, and when Ohno finally looked up, to Jun watching him, the look did not change, and Jun’s breath caught in his throat.

“Chinen could not offer me what I want, no one can but Jun.” Ohno did not look away, his gaze steady as he spoke. “If Jun decides that he cannot love me, then I will move on, but for as long as you are considering, and searching for the answer, as long as Jun is seriously considering me, then I will wait for Jun, and love him.” Ohno leaned close, pulling Jun into a hug.

“Why do you wait?” Jun knew that his voice as choked, that he was showing emotion, but it was alright, since it was Ohno.

“Because you are too  good of a person to lead me on. If you did not want this, if I did not have a chance, you would be honest with me. It is one of the many things that I love about you.” Ohno shifted, to kiss Jun, pressing his lips chastely against Jun’s, and when he drew away, he pulled Jun up by the hand, and to the door.

“Come on, I was serious when I said that I was hungry.” Ohno unlocked the door, pulling Jun behind him, and Jun let the strength and stability of Ohno ooze through his skin at their contact, letting his feelings come through, even as the weight of Ohno’s feelings for him hung around his neck, pressing into his skin; even as Ohno crushed his fingers in his grip, the ring that Jun was wearing digging into his skin. Ohno and his love was stable and steady, and Ohno needed and deserved an answer, as soon as Jun could give him one.

~~~~~~

It was right before the last leg of the tour that it happened. Jun had gotten Ohno a present, to thank him for his patience with Jun. They were both busy, with art and work and practice and Arashi and work and shoots and things; and Jun had hoped to catch Ohno after practice, since it was one of the few moments that they would have together for a while. The fact that he got to watch Ohno dance was an added bonus, since it was always nice to watch the way Ohno moved on the dance floor, to see the way that he just lived the music, how it became an extension of himself. Almost like, but different from, the way that he made love, but that was not something that Jun needed to be thinking about at work, sitting in a practice room watching Ohno and his back dancers run through “Song for Me” in order to make sure that everything was still good for their last performances.

Ohno smiled and waved at Jun, as he entered the room, and the others waved and called out greetings as soon as they took a break, while Jun sank down against the wall, with his bag beside him, letting the gift for Ohno, in a plain bag, sit on top of his own bag. Jun was content to just watch as the song started up again. Ohno caught Jun’s gaze on one of the mirrors, and there was a twinkle in his eye, and what Jun had come to know as a mischievous smirk on his lips.

And as the music started up Ohno danced. There was an extra thrust to his hips, a sharpness to his movements, an intensity that Jun was certain was aimed at him. Jun knew that he did not hear the entire song, just fragments

Someday's parting, someday's meeting

As my countless tears and pounding heartbeats pile up, I'm still waiting here

...so I could, so I would, you know?...

And then, the sky I gazed at alone on that day

I was just looking for a song for me, I want to see you now, all I want is that feeling

...Yes, love flutters softly upward, wow yeah...

Jun could feel a fondness for Ohno swelling up, pride that he could dance like that. And desire, since it was damned sexy, and it was for him. And as Ohno moved, moved for Jun, Jun was certain of this, Jun realized that he was, and had been an idiot. The feeling that swelled when he thought of Ohno, the desire to make him happy, the fondness that he had for him, the everything, it was love.

He was, and had been, in love with Ohno Satoshi. And he was the world’s biggest moron.

And so, as Ohno danced, smiling at Jun, Jun did what any self respecting man who just realized that he was the worlds biggest most oblivious moron would do, he grabbed the present for Ohno, and ran. Through the building, up the stairs, and onto the roof, where he just sat on the stairwell, staring out into the night, the lights of the city, and waiting.

Jun was not sure how long it was until Ohno found him, but he did, of which Jun never had a doubt. And when Ohno settled down beside Jun, Jun could feel the heat of his body, radiating in the cool night, the heat produced by the dance practice almost uncomfortably warm, but Jun would not complain. The head that Ohno lay against Jun’s shoulder was damp, with sweat he was sure, and if it was anyone but Ohno, he would have hit them, with his rings none the less, and shoved them away, but it was Ohno, and it was his Ohno, and he loved him.

“You worried some of the juniors, but I told them that you must have realized that you forgot something important.” Ohno laced his fingers with Jun’s hand, easily catching the package that fell from his grip and setting it aside.

“I realized something, yes.” Jun mumbled, and Ohno just hmmmed, leaning closer to Jun.

If it had been Nino, there would have been a snarky comment along the lines that it was about time.

If it had been Aiba, there would have been tears, and declarations of love.

If it had been Sho - well it wouldn’t be, ever.

But this was Ohno.

“I am glad.” Ohno tightened his grip on Jun’s hand. “I appreciate the present as well, though I am sure that it was not for this occasion.”

“It could be.” Jun snapped back, and Ohno chuckled.

“If Jun bolting from the room like a animal caught doing something it wasn’t supposed to meant that you planned to tell me with a grand gesture so that I will believe you.”

Jun sighed. “It should be special.” His voice was soft. “You waited this long, and I-I don’t just want to say it.”

“But coming from Jun it will be special, since it is from Jun, and I have been waiting to hear it.” Ohno’s voice was almost hesitant. Jun could tell how much it meant to him, and that he needed to hear the words, even if he would not ask.

“You probably realized that I loved you long before I realized that I loved you.” Was what Jun settled on. It was not the confession that he wanted, or Ohno deserved, but the sharp intake of breath, the slow exhale, and the tightening of his hand on Jun’s was enough to let Jun know that he had done something right.

“It doesn’t matter what I know, if you don’t know it eit--” Ohno was silenced as Jun leaned in for a kiss, then another, his free hand twining in Ohno’s hair and pulling him close. When the kiss broke, Jun kept his head close, his forehead resting against Ohno’s.

“I love you, Satoshi. And I am sorry that it took me so long.”

Ohno’s laugh was low and happy, and he pressed his lips against Jun’s in a kiss. “Now take me home and show me just how much you love me.”

Jun could not help but smile into the kiss, and with a grin he pressed Ohno back against the steps.

“But I could show you here.” He could not manage the leer that Nino or Aiba had so perfected, but it was enough to make Ohno laugh, and pull Jun close for another kiss. He would take Ohno home, and he would endeavor to show him just how much he loved him, but for right now, for them, this moment on the roof, bag and gifts forgotten beside them, was enough, and it was them.