It all falls down (Matsumiya)
Title: It all falls down
Written for the help_pilipinas auction
Requested by r_1_ss_a
Science AU
Pairing: matsumiya
Thanks to thoroughlynerdy for input and opinions. And scolding me for random POV changes.
Summary: Nino and Jun were best friends, and lovers, until life got in the way of that, and they went their separate ways. Years later, they are forced to work together again, but can they fix things between them?
Some said that it was impossible that they would both finish early with the PhDs. A doctorate of philosophy in molecular biology was something that took time, a lot of time. Five to seven years depending on the project, and the mentor, and the amount of help that you got, and the student. But Ninomiya Kazunari was brilliant, and Matsumoto Jun was determined, very good with his hands, and the two of them had been assigned to the same project. One that had gotten their principal investigator, PI, a lot of grant money from the government, and from private companies, as well as papers in all of the best journals. So, when graduation approached, it was not surprising to anyone that both Nino, and MatsuJun, as they were called by their friends, co-workers, and even their PI, were graduating in four years. With honors, if such a thing were even possible.
The big question was: where were they going to go after graduation. They were good enough to go anywhere, and ones choice in a post doctoral research lab could make or break your career, depending what you wanted out of it.
There were three things Jun wanted in life.
So the last one was a little bit odd to be sure, and perhaps unexpected, but it was not any less true. Working with Nino in fifty to seventy hour work weeks, then going out with him at nights, drinking away the miseries of graduate school, the two had grown close. They flirted, they talked, they had also indulged in the occasion “drunk” sex, (though neither of them were, they were both just too chicken to take the next step and talk about things) though that had been happening more often than not as of late. It happened often enough that it was almost a regular thing, regular enough that they had traded keys, since they left at different times in the morning, and was just the easiest way to deal with the “lock up when you leave” thing.
What Jun wanted was to tell Nino that he was in love with him, and that he wanted Nino to stay with him, but he would not, could not really, ask Nino to throw away his entire career just because Jun could not leave yet. Jun was effectively throwing away his, since he would have to settle for a smaller lower profile lab and while he would accomplish great things, he was certain of it, it was not going to be what he really wanted, what he and Nino had talked about. Or worse, he would take a year or so off, and stay with this mother, finding something to do in the mean time, but he was not sure if that was even a feasible option, or if that would pay the bills.
What Jun did know for certain was that Nino was not going to be happy with Jun at all. His mother had been diagnosed a few weeks ago, after she kept dropping things: a coffee cup, burning herself with the coffee, Her dinner plate, cutting herself as she tired to clean it up. She had called him, concerned, after the third time that it had happened, and after clearing things with his mentor, he had taken the day off to go home, and go to the doctor with his mom. He was really the only family that she had left, since she, like himself, was an only child, and he would not let her go through this alone. He could tell that she was worried, and her voice had been shaky as she told him that she was having issues controlling her movements, that she was getting more forgetful. And Jun had known, instinctually, that it was something with her brain. Alzheimer’s would have been easier, in some ways. Longer, and more drawn out, and she would have been with him longer, and he could have moved her to wherever he did his post doc. He would have been able to take care of her. The doctor had not said anything then but there had been blood work, brain scans, testing, and in the end, Jun and his mother had been given the news that he did not want to hear. His mother had come down with the same damned disease that he studied. The one that he and Nino had promised to rid the world of. Spontaneous, they had said, since she had not traveled anywhere that would have exposed her to the contagion, nor had she received a blood transfusion or organ transplantation (though these days they tested the blood for that, and did screenings of family history).
His mother had been hysterical, and Jun had held her, numb, while she cried,. In one day, his life and his career were falling to pieces.
He had come back to school, and was confronted by a worried Nino, but he had pushed off the other’s concern, insisting everything was fine. And he went through the motions, as if everything was fine. But it were not. Jun spent a lot of time talking with his mentor, getting his dissertation defense moved up a month, as well as, at his PI’s urging, arranging a job. Jun was going to be allowed to work through correspondence, authoring the book that his PI had been asked to write on prion diseases, as well as working on several grants and papers. Every few weekends, Jun would need to come back to the university and do some actual work there, but his PI would make arrangements for both Jun and his mother at those times.
Jun was floored by the generosity, and when he has asked by, his PI, had just responded that it would be a shame to see Jun have to put aside his career for something that he could not control, since he was, and would be, an amazing scientist. He could not promise anything, but his PI hoped that he would be able to make faculty in three to five years, and would be his replacement, but that would depend a lot on Jun, and his abilities, but he was willing to give him a chance.
It had been with a wry smile that his mentor had added, “This makes it easier in some ways, MatsuJun. I didn’t have to pick between you and Nino, since both of you could easily do this.”
And so, Jun was left with a secret that he shared with his boss, only to be revealed when Jun would start as a post doc (he was given, and took, several months off after graduation to spend some time with his mother before things got really bad).
It hurt knowing that his mother was dying, but what hurt more, at least more immediately and more intensely, was that he could not tell the person that he had come to rely on these four years. Nino was coming over later, to tell him about his job interview, and Jun knew that it would come up, and Jun would not be able to give him the answer that he wanted, or the one that Jun himself wanted to give.
~~~~
“Jun-pon, did you get the call for the interview yet?” Nino did not bother knocking as he entered Jun’s house. He had a key, and really, what was the point of having a key if you were not going to use it? He had told Jun that he had just finished the interview, and Jun had said come on over, and so he did. Plus, Jun never had an opportunity to see him in a suit, and Nino knew that he looked good in one, so going over to see Jun was the obvious choice.
“They did call.” Jun confirmed, his voice floating from somewhere in the general vicinity of the kitchen and as Nino leaned against the wall, watching Jun move about the tiny kitchen, he could tell that it was not a good day. The coffee cups by the sink, and the coffee that he could smell brewing, and the fact that it was well after noon and Jun was just now getting to the breakfast dishes, were all indicators that something was definitely off.
“How did the interview go?” Jun asked, conversationally, not turning around, and Nino watched him with a frown.
“What’s wrong, J?” Gone from Nino’s voice was the teasing of moments earlier, instead now he was serious, moving into the tiny kitchen to wrap his arms around his friend, his classmate, and his more often than not, lover. “You can talk to me, you know.”
“Its-how did the interview go, are they offering you the job?” There was a catch in Jun’s voice, something that Nino could quite place, but if Jun did not want to open up, then Nino would not force him to, at least not yet. He was tired of Jun shutting him out these past weeks, closing up and increasing the distance between them.
“They called me on my way over here. Job, and relocation package.” Nino’s voice was muffled in Jun’s back. “They want me to move as soon as I graduate, which is doable, I just need to look for a place, and a roommate.” This was the first that Nino had mentioned the entire roommate thing, and from the way that Jun tensed in his grip he was certain that he had surprised the other. The implication was clear; it just depended on whether or not Jun would take the bait. “We can talk about that later.” Nino pressed up on his tip toes, brushing a kiss against the back of the other man’s neck, and was pleased when Jun shivered in his grasp. “When is your interview, J? I know they were excited about you as an interview candidate. They want us both, badly.”
Nino could feel Jun taking a breath, his hands braced on the counter, and Nino was suddenly afraid. “Jun…” He whispered and Jun sighed.
“I am not doing an interview with them, Nino.” Jun didn’t turn around, and Nino, in his surprise loosened his grip on Jun.
“What?” He asked, shocked more than anything else. This was not what they had talked about, this was not what they had wanted, but the past few weeks, Jun had been a bit distracted, spending a lot of time on the phone, but Nino had just figured that he was stressing about graduation. Apparently the closing up and shutting out Jun was doing was due to something a bit more serious than stress about graduation.
“I won’t be taking a job with the company.” Jun replied, and Nino could see that his grip on the counter was tight, his knuckles white from the strength of his grip.
“Why the hell not? This is what we wanted; this is what we talked about.” Nino demanded and pulled on Jun so the other man faced him. “Just a few weeks ago you were excited about the cutting edge research they were doing, you wanted to help. Prion research is what we do, and this company is making huge advancements in disease treatment.” Nino stepped to Jun, who couldn’t look at him. “Jun, we were going to do this together. We were going to make a difference. What happened?” Nino could see the emotions on Jun’s face, he knew the other was upset, he could see distress there, and sadness, and something else.
“I can’t do it, Nino. Not anymore.” Jun still didn’t look to Nino, and Nino growled.
“What the fuck, Jun. You at least owe me an explanation. I deserve to know why you are throwing our dream away.” Nino stepped into Jun’s space as he spoke, grabbing the front of his shirt, trying to get the other to react, to do something, but Jun just looked at the ground, eves averted away from Nino.
“I can’t, Nino. Please, understand that I can’t.” Was all Jun would say, and with a growled ‘fuck this’ Nino stalked towards the door.
“I will do it, and I will be the best. In three years, I will have taken their treatment plan to a new level, and we will be curing people.” Nino’s glare was hard. “I can do this without you, Jun, don’t think that I can’t.” Nino paused, waiting for a response and then shook his head. “As a friend, I at least deserve an explanation. But you won’t give one. I thought we had something, Jun, but I guess I was wrong.” Nino didn’t wait for a response, just left, shutting the door firmly behind him. After a few moments, Jun sunk down against the counter, staring at the door as tears beginning to well in his eyes.
“We do have more than that, idiot, but I can’t -“ Jun stopped, shaking his head. “I hope you do find the cure, if anyone can it is you, but I don’t have three years to wait.”
~~~~
If anyone was surprised that Nino and Jun were not really talking the next week, no one let on. Though there were whispers of confusion as Jun’s dissertation defense was moved up a month ahead of schedule, and there was surprise when Nino did not attend. But what caused the most attention, and confusion, was when as soon as his defense was finished, and dissertation submitted, Matsumoto Jun disappeared. Gone from the school, gone from the city, gone from contact with everyone. If anyone knew where he was they were not talking, and when pressed for an answer by concerned friends, all that their PI would say that it was Matsumoto-kun’s business, and they should ask him when they saw him again.
But he was not back for graduation, or to see Nino off, though the rest of their friends were. No one knew where Jun was, and no one knew where he lived, just that he was from “near Tokyo,” so no one could find him.
Jun had sent him congratulations on his defense and on graduations via text message, and had wished him luck on the move, and success with his new job, but he would not answer Nino’s question of where the hell he went, and why he disappeared without saying anything. And so Nino left, angry at Jun, and angry at the world, but there was nothing that could be done.
~~~~
To say that it was a bit… odd… to be back in the town that he had done his PhD in after seven years, sitting in the same café that he used to study in late at night all the time was an understatement, but Nino was nothing if not resilient. Needless to say, his parting words to Jun about how he would find a cure three years was, of course, an exaggeration, and that he and the company, were no where closer to finding a cure than they had been. Their therapy was useful in helping several auto immune conditions, and surprisingly migraines, but not any of the prion diseases which had been the intention of the project. Nino was about ready to leave the company, since seven years was a long time to be out of academia if one wanted to return to it, even though he was qualified, and had published, he just was not sure what he wanted to do with his career anymore. Jun, and his whatever the fuck it had been had put a wrench in his plans that he had never quite been able to recover from, which may be a bit of an exaggeration, but when one spends years thinking about what you and someone were going do, one forgets how to think about what you want. Nino knew this was unhealthy, and he had dated casually, but it had never really gone anywhere other than some kissing, and maybe groping. As soon as Nino realized that he was comparing everyone to Jun, in a “you are not Jun and I don’t want this” kind of way, he called things off.
So when his company told him they were doing a collaboration with his old department chair and mentor, Nino jumped at the chance to go back to Japan and be their representative. It would give him a chance to figure out what the hell had happened to Jun. Nino was sure that he could have asked his friends, or could have messaged or emailed Jun, but he could never bring himself to, since he was the one who left in a huff, and after thinking about it, Jun’s change in behavior was indicative that something major had been going on with him, as well as his disappearance right after his defense. The Jun that he knew, and everyone had known, would not just pick up and leave like that.
Some things never change, however, as Aiba settled into the chair beside Nino, wide smiles and bright eyes, Nino was glad that some things never changed. If Aiba had changed, it would just be weird. It had been five of them, always together in college, and Jun was the only one that he knew nothing about, still. He had been in contact with Aiba, a student a few labs over from the one that he had gotten his degree in, since he left. Both sending letters every few months to one another. Ohno and Nino didn’t really keep contact, well Nino would message him, and Ohno would reply back with random pictures and things, but that was Ohno, and what one had come to expect of the owner of the very coffee shop they were at now. Sho at least, Nino had seen. A friend of Nino’s since they were younger, he had been doing graduate work in business at the same school that Nino was doing his PhD, so they had spent a lot of time together, when Nino was not with - well, when he had free time. Moving away had not meant the end of seeing Sho, and when Sho had been in the US on business, he had always made sure to drop by and see Nino, even if it was out of his way.
“Ah, Nino, sorry I was late. I was help up with the chair. He is sorry that he isn’t here to meet you, but he knows that I will take good care of you.” Aiba pulled Nino close, giving him a hug and only letting him go when Ohno shuffled over to the table with a sleepy smile.
“Order, Nino?” He asked then scratched down the black coffee that Nino ordered before shuffling back, returning not much later with two drinks, once black coffee, and one tea, iced and slightly sweetened.
“Thanks Oh-chan.” Aiba smiled at Ohno, who nodded. “The chair is paying for it, so just charge him.”
Ohno chuckled, and nodded. “This would be considered a special occasion. He doesn’t offer to pay unless that is the case.” Ohno leaned against the table, leaning into Aiba, who leaned his head into Ohno’s body as if it was instinctual, and Nino could not help but wonder when that had happened, and why no one told him about it. Though he could be wrong, perhaps they were not dating, but the way that Ohno slipped his arm around Aiba, pulling him close in a hug, and the way Aiba’s eyes slid closed for a moment, and he just leaned into Ohno’s embrace made Nino certain that they were in fact, involved.
“When did that happen?” Nino asked, voicing his thoughts, his elbows propped on the table as he looked from Ohno to Aiba, and he could see Aiba thinking, as if AIba was going to deny the question.
“About two years ago.” Was Ohno’s quiet response. “Two years and a little, just after Jun was made cha-“ Ohno stopped speaking as Nino’s eyes widened, and he looked to the younger man, taking in his suprise.
“You mean you don’t know who you are working with?” His voice was soft, and Nino looked from Ohno, to Aiba with a frown.
“My company told me that I was going to come back and work with the chair of my old department. I assumed that it was still Johnny-san.” Nino could see from the way that Aiba and Ohno looked at each other that this was very much not the case, and he swallowed.
Ohno had seemed to imply that Jun was the chair. Jun is the chair. The chair of their old department. Jun, the man who had disappeared without a word was chair of their old department. Jun was the one that he was going to be collaborating with.
“What exactly happened to Jun, back then?” Was the question that Nino settled on, and Aiba sighed. “Oh-chan, can we get the drinks to go? This might take a while.” Aiba asked.
Ohno nodded, grabbing the drinks and shuffling away returning with two to-go cups and a smile.
“It really is nice to see you again, Nino.” Ohno hugged the other man, holding him tightly, and Nino hugged Ohno in return, enjoying the familiarity of the embrace. He was home, and things were starting to feel like he remembered. It was something that he thought he would never feel again.
Nino waited until they were a fair distance from the coffee shop before he spoke. “So Jun is chair now? What the hell?” And Aiba chuckled.
“It was a bit of a surprise, but I guess I should start at the beginning.” Aiba looked to Nino out of the corner of his eye, gauging the others reaction.
“MatsuJun disappeared for about a year, after graduation. None of us really knew where he was. People would say that they saw him on the weekends, sometimes, and he was publishing papers for the lab, writing things, but no one actually saw him there.” Aiba’s voice trailed off, caught up in his thoughts.
Nino didn’t interrupt, waiting for the thoughts to file through into Aiba’s brain so he could get a story, and answered.
“After about a year though, MatsuJun was back, as if he had never left, but something was different. He apologized for disappearing like that, but we found out that not long before graduation his mother got sick. Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. So he left to spend time with her and the fact that he was back at work meant that she was gone, and it was not something that he liked to talk about. Still doesn’t.”
“What?” Nino grabbed Aiba by the arm, spinning him so Aiba was facing him, and Aiba nodded, sadness in his eyes.
“Jun didn’t tell anyone, expect Johnny-san. I think, Jun had to give up his dreams and his career, and he didn’t want you to do the same. So it was easier for him to keep it all in, and let you do what you wanted to. I never asked him about it, but that’s what Oh-chan, Sho-chan, and I think.” Aiba didn’t have to add that, but Aiba, of everyone, knew just how torn up Nino had been about Jun’s disappearance, and decision not to take a job with the company.
“That fucking idiot.” Nino said, though is tone lacked heat. He was shocked, but it started to make sense, when he looked back on things. Jun went home that weekend, and when he came back things weren’t the same. He had started withdrawing, and spending a lot more time on the phone with his mom. She had not even come to his dissertation defense, which was odd, as she had come to all of his other events, not that Nino had been stalking Jun, it was just that - he had been trying to figure out what was wrong with Jun, and why he would do this, so he could straighten it out and fix it. But then Jun had disappeared, and now Nino knew why.
“Johnny-san let Jun work as a post doc, doing remote work, except for the occasional weekend, and after his mother passed, he was free to work full time. It was obvious that Johnny was grooming Jun to be his replacement, and within three years, Jun was faculty. The youngest we have ever had. It was only this last year when Johnny retired, that Jun was made chair, but no one was surprised.”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me, Masaki?” Nino didn’t look to Aiba, instead he stopped, gripping his cup tightly, and Aiba laughed a soft bitter laugh.
“You never once asked about MatsuJun. We figured that you didn’t want to hear about it. I know how broken up about it you were, and probably still are, by the look of things. But you never spoke about MatsuJun. It was as if that portion of your life never existed. So we thought it best to leave it, until you brought it up.” Aiba sighed. “I am sorry that Oh-chan brought it up like that. We thought that you would at least know about him being chair, since he is who you will be working with, and who your company has been in contact with for the last few months arranging things. MatsuJun took care of all the arrangements personally.” Aiba took a long sip of his tea, smiling with a happy aaaaah as he drained the cup. “I think he might have missed you, Nino-chan. Just like you missed him.” Was all Aiba said, walking to a trashcan to throw his cup away before motioning to Nino. “We should get back; there is a dinner tonight, with all five of us. Jun is cooking as a welcome back.”
Nino knew, that ready or not, there was no way that he would miss dinner that night. He just wondered if Jun had changed at all, in the last seven years. And if he had, was he ready to accept that. He could admit that theJun that he loved, still loved, really, could not be the same person. He was not the same either. But, maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance.
~~~~
“Aiba, why are we back at the house I am staying at?” Nino’s voice was deceptively calm as Aiba lead them back to the house that he had left his bags at earlier and Aiba just chuckled.
“I thought you knew that you were staying at the chair’s house, Nino-chan. Since its Jun, and Jun is cooking us all dinner to welcome you back, it only makes sense that we would go to his house.”
“But-“ Nino started to protest (and who wouldn’t? he was staying with Jun, a man that he had not seen in seven years, and still loved. But it had been seven years, and he was not sure he was ready for this, to meet Jun like this, when he could not hide behind work and professionalism. Which he could not do now, since they were throwing him a welcome back party. A party. For him.)
Aiba paused, pulling Nino into a hug, Nino hesitated for a moment, hugging him back.
“Don’t think about it too much, just try and enjoy tonight. You can talk with MatsuJun about the why’s and the what’s later. Just enjoy tonight.” Aiba pulled Nino a bight tighter. “Besides, MatsuJun is looking super hot these days, so try not to drool too much when you see him, alright?”
“He can’t have gotten that much hotter.” Nino snapped, pulling back, and Aiba just laughed, pulling Nino up the steps and into the house, calling out “We are here!” As he closed the door behind them, leaving his shoes at the door, and his laugher continued when an “It’s about time”, a “welcome back, Nino”, and an “I thought Nino-chan kidnapped you,” were carried to them from the kitchen. Jun, Sho, and Ohno. They were all here.
“What would I want with this baka, anyway Oh-chan?” Nino called out conversationally as he followed Aiba into the kitchen, and was pleased when a smile twisted Ohno’s lips and the man chuckled and Aiba huffed indignantly but didn’t argue the point.
“Charming as always, Nino.” Sho’s comment was droll, as he moved across the kitchen to hug Nino, though he had seen him within the last year.
“Charm is one of my stronger points, Sho-chan. I thought you knew that.” Nino’s voice was sly, and Sho shook his head.
“You are many things, Nino, but charming is not quite the word that I would use.” Sho’s voice was light, and Nino wondered if he could see the tension in Nino, the insecurity at being back, with these people (Jun really) like this.
“It is better than being fail. Since it seems you haven’t grown out of that yet if your emails are any indication.” Nino commented sharply and it was Sho’s turn he laugh, and shake his head.
“At least I don’t look like I am still seventeen. I swear you have not aged a day since high school.” Was Sho’s reply, and Nino just grinned, it was something of a running joke between them, and was always fun to surprise the under grads with, when they realized that he was not a random student, but the lecturer for the day, both in Japan, when he was here, and in the US for the company meetings, though they tended to think he was an intern, and not a lead research and development scientist.
It was then there was a lull in the conversation, as Aiba passed Nino a beer, and Nino had the chance to look around. Jun was at the stove cooking something and Nino hated to admit it, but Jun had aged quite well. When they were in school still, Jun had been a little awkward (weren’t they all) and a little unsure of himself, but the man who stood before him now was still MatsuJun: his moles, smile, and eyes, were all there, but there was a confidence about this Jun, an assuredness that Nino was not used to seeing. .
“Sorry I was not there to greet you this afternoon, I was in meetings.” Jun did not turn to look at Nino, instead chopping vegetables on the cutting board.
Nino nodded, though Jun could not see him.
“I trust that Aiba showed you to your room, and that you settled in well enough?” Jun asked, turning for a moment to look at Nino, smiling wide and bright, and Nino knew that despite the years, despite the things that had happened, the way that Jun had grown and changed, and he himself had all was, that he was still, certainly and irrevocably, in love with Matsumoto Jun.
“Aiba neglected to mention that this was your place, but so did my job as well.” Was what Nino replied, and Jun chuckled, going back to cutting things.
“I apologize for the surprise. I meant to e-mail you, and give you a run down of things, but they insisted that they were making all the arrangements, and that I needed to go through the department secretary for all the contact information.” Jun’s voice was pleasant, and he was relaxed, at ease.
Nino hmm’d, leaning against the counter as he watched Jun. He was aware that the others were there, chatting but they left him alone, to talk with Jun. What was not surprising was that the company had wanted the department secretary to make the arrangements, it was how things worked in the American bureaucracy, and she had passed along all pertinent information, and it was Nino’s own fault for not asking for the name of the department chair, or the person he would be staying with.
“It was a pleasant surprise, it saved me the effort of having to try and track you down.” Nino could tell that Jun was surprised, as he stiffened slightly, hesitating for a moment in his knife work, but Nino had pushed off the counter and was over with the main group before Jun had a chance to relax. This was not the time or the place, and Nino probably should have waited to say something like that to Jun, but he wanted the other to know that there were no hard feelings. Well, there were but mostly that Nino wanted answers from Jun, but he was not angry and upset in the way that he had been the day Jun had told him that he was not going to interview. Now, Nino just wanted to hear from Jun what had happened. He may not even chew Jun out for the entire thing. Only time would tell.
Nino hovered near Aiba and Sho for the rest of the dinner preparation, though he could feel the look that they were giving him, and was sure that they were judging him (he was judging himself) but at least he was not hiding in his room with this DS, which was really tempting, but the food that Jun was cooking smelled good, and Jun himself looked good, and Nino was just glad to be home and know that after seven years it was really as if nothing had changed.
“So, Nino, tell us what you have been-“ Aiba stopped as Jun’s phone rang, and he stepped away from the stove, everyone’s gaze turning to him, Nino a little slower than the rest. Apparently that ring tone was not one that people wanted to hear.
“Yes, this is Matsumoto Jun…..are you certain…. This evening you said…. Is he alright? Yes, yes I understand….. we will be there in a moment. Thank you for calling.” Jun sighed as he put the phone down, looking to Aiba as he untied the apron that he had been wearing.
“Aiba-chan, we need to go.” Jun’s voice was low, and Nino knew that Jun was not pleased, or at least that was the tone that used to mean that he was displeased. Now, who knew.
“Go?” Aiba questioned, though he was already moving towards the door, with a sigh, he did not argue.
“Go. Your student, Takarada, he was involved in an incident this evening. You recall the issues with his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend?” Jun continued, and Aiba nodded, even as he slipped into his shoes. Nino was sure that he could hear Aiba cursing under his breath, but he was not sure.
“Apparently, there was a stabbing, and Takarada was injured protecting her, They are at the hospital now. As you are the closest thing that he has to a guardian here at school, we get to go.” Jun’s smile and the resignation at the words made Nino wonder just how often he had to deal with this kind of thing. And from the way the others were just shrugging it off, it seemed that it was a somewhat normal thing.
“The food is mostly done. Nino, stir it occasionally for the next five minutes. I don’t trust Sho or Ohno to do it. Oh-chan, you know where the plates and things are. Don’t wait up, Nino, I will see you in the morning, I am sure. You know the way to lab? I have Johnny’s old office, so it will be hard to miss. 10:00, you will get the tour, and present your research to the lab, but I am sure that they told you that at least.” And with that, Jun was toeing into his shoes and out the door, Aiba following close behind him, and Nino was left wondering that the hell had just happened.
Ohno sighed, shaking his head. “Masaki had been trying to tell Takarada that this girl was bad news for a while. She was involved with a yakuza kid for a while, and apparently he doesn’t take well to being told no.” Ohno shuffled towards the kitchen, pulling Nino with him, his grip loose around his wrist, and Sho followed.
“Is he always this - unavailable?” Nino asked, looking from Sho to Ohno and back again.
Sho sighed, “He had to clear his schedule for tonight, so really, it’s worse. I think part of the reason that he thought it would be alright for you to stay here is that you will hardly see each other. It’s MatsuJun, and he is always busy, working, but he is also chair, and there are just responsibilities that come with that. If things are awkward, you won’t have to deal with him, except on occasion in the lab.”
“But what if things aren’t awkward? What if I want to see him?” Nino asked, as he finished stirring the stew that Jun had prepared.
No one could answer him.
Dinner was good, very good, if Nino were honest it was the best that he had had in a while, but it was not the same with Aiba and Jun gone. He and Ohno and Sho made the best of it, chatting and catching up, and making sure that Nino was up to date on just about everything that had happened to all of them while he was gone. No one brought up what Nino was going to do, or how long he was going to stay, or what he was going to do about Jun, but Nino did not expect them to. He himself did not know, he would need to talk to Jun, and see how Jun reacted to things, and if Jun even still cared. He might not, despite what Aiba (and Sho and Ohno) seemed to think. Jun had always been hard to read like that, so Nino could not be sure.
Nino did not hear Jun come in that night, though from the coffee that was in the kitchen when he got up, the other man had been in, and was probably already at work. Nino was giving a talk to Jun’s lab, so they had a run down of the project that they were going to be collaborating with Nino on.
Since his interview, Nino had not worn a suit. Bad memories associated with wearing a suit, and despite the fact that this was a somewhat formal presentation, it was also a lab presentation, and it was not an interview, since the collaboration was already in place, so he decided that slacks and a button down were good enough. Usually, he wore jeans and a t-shirt, but at least for the first meeting, looking slightly more professional might be a good thing, though Nino did not really care what Jun’s lab though of him, he just needed them to be able to work, and work well. Despite the changes that were going on around campus, the new buildings and rerouting of paths, Nino was easily able to find the science building, as well as the department conference room. It was odd, walking across campus with his laptop bag, on his way to work. Seven years ago did not seem that long, and not long enough at the same time.
Nino waved to Aiba, as the other man rushed past, who beamed, but did not stop, his arms full of what Nino could only guess were his experiments, as he was followed by a gaggle of under grads and graduate students, all offering to help Aiba-sensei carry things.
There was a group of students, outside of the conference room, and they were examining a sign. “Why do we have to go to this seminar again?” Nino heard one of them ask with a sigh. “I have experiments that I need to be doing.”
“It seems that Ninomiya-san and Matsumoto-sensei were in the same lab for their PhD, and that Ninomiya-san is collaborating with us.” A student added, and the same student from before sighed.
“But I am not even working on the project.” She sighed, running her hand through her hair. “I am only here to make a good impression of Matsumoto-sensei. I want to be in his lab for my dissertation, and he isn’t convinced that I will be a good fit yet.”
Nino could see why Jun was reluctant to take her, and he wondered why Jun was considering it at all, but it was probably department politics, and the fact that as chair he was almost stuck taking those that the others want.
“What is Ninomiya-san like, do you think?” A different student asked, and it seemed that none of them had noticed that Nino was loitering behind them.
“I heard he was better than the chair.”
“I heard he was just as good.”
“I heard that they worked together so well, and so closely, that it was hard to tell who did what.” Nino addressed the group, but he paused, noting the way that they shifted to look at him, but there was no sign of alarm or recognition.
“Why do you say that?”
“All of their papers were co first author, right? Isn’t that how publication works?” Nino could see the gears working in the others heads, and the girl, who was really starting to annoy Nino, just huffed.
“There is no way that anyone could be as good as Matsumoto-sensei. He is the best.”
Nino hid a smile as an argument broke out. Nino was pleased, and surprised, to hear that apparently a large part of Jun’s work was built on what he and Nino had done in graduate school, and that Nino was something of a legend around the lab, at least to the graduate students.
“Nino! When did you get back?” A voice seemed to roar over the noise of those gathered in the hallway, and everyone fell silent, searching for Nino, as there was only one person that it could be.”
“Nice to see you again, Nagse-nii. I got in last night, getting ready to give a talk to MatsuJun’s lab here.” Nino was very careful to make certain that he was casual in referring to Jun and Nagase and as the lab members gathered outside the door realized just who they had been talking to, and about, they paled, while Nino just flashed them a smile and a peace sigh.
“It’s been how many years, Nino? can you please stop with the Nagase-nii?”
“Has Aiba-chan?” Nino shot back and Nagase just sighed, and that was enough answer for Nino. “I will stop when he stops.” Nino could not help but laugh, at that moment, as Aiba rushed down the hall, calling out ‘Nagase-nii, make sure to be nice to Nino-chan, he just got back’ and Nino was certain that he heard a few of the students trying to muffle their laughter.
“Oi, Nino, are you giving Nagase trouble already?” Nino heard the footsteps behind him and turned to smirk at Jun, giving him the Nino signature two finger salute as an answer, and Nino was certain that he saw the corner of Jun’s mouth twitch in a smile.
“Shall we get started? There is no sense milling around here in the hallways when I am sure that there are classes and experiments that everyone needs to get back to.” Jun pushed his way into the room, and the others followed behind, Nino taking up the rear. This was going to be interesting indeed.
~~~~
The talk went well, as did the research, and Jun and Nino worked together like they had never even been apart. Jun spent a lot of his time in meetings, a lot of it in his office, but there was one student that Nino was working with when Jun was not available, and a lot of night hours put in by Jun and Nino.
Never, however, were the two home at the same time for more than a passing “goodnight” and “good morning.” When Nino had attempted to broach the subject of perhaps he should get his own place, since it would make things easier for Jun (though he did not want to, since it meant that he would see Jun even less than he did now).
Jun had put down his pipette, stopping the research, and asked quietly, “Is that was you want to do?”
Nino had immediately shaken his head, “I just don’t wish to be a burden to you, taking up a room in your house. You have been more than generous, and as I understood it, usually when people stay with the chair it is a temporary thing.”
Jun sighed, taking in a deep breath. “It usually is. You can do what you want, Nino, but I do not mind having you there.” Was what he had answered and Nino never brought that up again.
Nino did, however, try to bring up what had happened between them all those years ago, but Jun always cut him off and shut him down. This isn’t the time, was the reply he would get right before bed after a fourteen hour work day, or the place was the standard response in lab, with other people in the building but not with them, and Nino was getting quite fed up with it. So he did what anyone who needed to talk with a very busy person would do, he made an appointment with Jun at the end of the day on a day that he knew that Jun had a lighter than usual schedule. Jun’s secretary had looked at Nino oddly when he requested that she schedule the appointment, but Nino had flashed a smile, and explained that he just needed enough time with Matsumoto-sensei to make sure that they were on the same page about the research since he needed to report back to his company on the progress. Which was a lie, but it got him on the schedule.
It also seemed that Jun did not pay a lot of attention to his schedule when he was in all day meetings since he was surprised when it was Nino who entered his office, and closed the door.
“Nino, what are you doing here, I have an appoint-“ Jun trailed off and sighed, running a hand through his hair. “You know, some people would just ask for time to talk.” And Nino nodded his agreement.
“And some people have gotten tired of being pushed off and told that it isn’t the time or the place for the last several weeks. Hiding behind your job is well and good, Jun-pon, but-“ Nino settled into the chair, and forced himself to relax. “But I have some things that I need to say, and I need to know.”
Nino smiled, clearly pleased with himself as Jun sighed, clearly resigned to the fact that they would be having this conversation, now. Nino knew that he had Jun cornered, and the he would be unable to avoid the conversation any longer.
“I-I should not have stormed out that day, it was childish, but you should not have kept it from me, Jun.” Nino’s gaze was fierce, and Jun nodded, but he did not speak. “For the previous five years, we had been working together, and essentially living together, and making plans together, and then one day, you just close up, and everything is different. I understand why, I really do, but you should not have taken the choice away from me. I would have preferred to have been there, and supported you, then spent the last seven years wondering what the hell happened. You were wrong Jun, and so was I, but it was wrong.” Nino took in a shaky breath, and he looked to Jun, then back down, staggered at the emotion that he could see in Jun’s eyes, and startled by the lack of anger.
“You are right.” Was all he said and Nino gaped at him.
“What?” Who was this Jun, and what had happened to the one that he had known. The Jun of the past would have been angry, would have argued and denied things. It had been seven years, and a lot had happened, they had both grown up. But - all the arguments that Nino had prepared, the thought that he had put into convincing Jun that he was both wrong and stupid for giving them up, they were pointless now.
“It was not my choice to make, not as far as you and your future were concerned. I should have let you know, and given you the choice.” Jun leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, watching Nino. “I know that I was wrong, and I regret it, but what is done is done, and there is nothing that I can do about that. At the time, I thought that my mother should have come first, and I would be lying if I said that I did not miss you.” Jun sighed.
Nino leaned back, unable to take it all in. He couldn’t figure out where to go next, what to say next, and so, instead of trying to convince Jun of anything, Nino decided to just follow his heart, and say what he needed to say.
“I might not have chosen to give up the job, I might have, I am not sure, but I do know, that I would not have let you go through all this crap without me.” Nino sighed. “I just-“I thought that we had something, and then it was all gone in a moment, and I never found out why.” Nino was certain that Jun could hear the sad catch in his voice, the regret there, and the fact that there were still feelings there. It was a tone that Jun had not heard often, but the way that Jun’s eyes narrowed slightly, his gaze softening, at least that is what Nino thought he saw, had to mean that Jun knew, even if he did not say it.
The feelings were still there, Nino was certain of that, had been since the moment that he had seen Jun again.
“You did not know until Aiba told you.” Jun commented evenly, and Nino nodded. He was not going to bother to deny it, and he was sure that Jun knew that he knew. “You never once asked any of them about me. I figured you were still mad at me. I think I would have been mad at me, if I were in your place.”
Nino chuckled, softly, and nodded. “I was, for years. But I also thought that if you wanted to contact me that you would, and could. But you never did. Which is foolish. As I was the one who stormed out. I should have been the one to-” Nino sighed, as there was a knock on the door.
“It seems that our time is up, I just -” Nino paused, and Jun nodded, smiling warmly at him, and Nino was sure that he blushed, eyes widening. It had been a long time since he had seen that look. And it still filled him with a warm affection, and the desire to kiss Jun senseless.
“We will talk about it later. I don’t have a good reason to work late tonight. And I have missed you.” Jun ignored the knocking on his door, and Nino for a brief panicked moment wondered if there were windows in the door as Jun leaned across the desk and captured his lips in a brief kiss. Jun’s lips were dry, and slightly chapped, but Nino did not care about that as Jun kissed him, one hand brushing briefly across Nino’s cheek, before pulling away.
“I will make sure to wait up.” Was Nino’s soft reply as he stood, and moved to the door, opening it to let the next appointment in. “Thank you for your time, MatsuJun-sensei.” Nino did not turn around to look at Jun’s reaction, instead he kept walking, a smile growing on his face with each step that he took.
He was not sure what this would lead to, or when the collaboration was going to end, or even if he could get a job near here, or even at the university, but he did know that finally, things were right between him and Jun, and that the dreams that had fallen down around them years earlier, were morphing into something new. Something, Nino was certain would be wonderful.
Written for the help_pilipinas auction
Requested by r_1_ss_a
Science AU
Pairing: matsumiya
Thanks to thoroughlynerdy for input and opinions. And scolding me for random POV changes.
Summary: Nino and Jun were best friends, and lovers, until life got in the way of that, and they went their separate ways. Years later, they are forced to work together again, but can they fix things between them?
Some said that it was impossible that they would both finish early with the PhDs. A doctorate of philosophy in molecular biology was something that took time, a lot of time. Five to seven years depending on the project, and the mentor, and the amount of help that you got, and the student. But Ninomiya Kazunari was brilliant, and Matsumoto Jun was determined, very good with his hands, and the two of them had been assigned to the same project. One that had gotten their principal investigator, PI, a lot of grant money from the government, and from private companies, as well as papers in all of the best journals. So, when graduation approached, it was not surprising to anyone that both Nino, and MatsuJun, as they were called by their friends, co-workers, and even their PI, were graduating in four years. With honors, if such a thing were even possible.
The big question was: where were they going to go after graduation. They were good enough to go anywhere, and ones choice in a post doctoral research lab could make or break your career, depending what you wanted out of it.
There were three things Jun wanted in life.
- For his mother to get better. She had just been diagnosed with brain condition, Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease, and to date it was incurable. Degeneration of the brain. All prion based diseases were. It was unthinkable that a tiny protein fragment could cause so much havoc. Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s were thought to also be prion related. One stupid small protein was enough to ruin someone’s life. It would kill her, in a few years or less if something was not done. In most cases it was les. 8 months or less, really. But sometimes it was up to a few years. And there was not a lot that could be done. He would have to watch his mother fall apart, and there was not a damned thing he could do about it.
- A job that paid enough that he could afford treatment for his mother, though research did not pay well, so this was going to be tough, there were not a lot of treatment options. Jun knew that he would be staying close to him, for his mother, since it was just the two of them, and had been, for as long as Jun could remember.
- Ninomiya Kazunari.
So the last one was a little bit odd to be sure, and perhaps unexpected, but it was not any less true. Working with Nino in fifty to seventy hour work weeks, then going out with him at nights, drinking away the miseries of graduate school, the two had grown close. They flirted, they talked, they had also indulged in the occasion “drunk” sex, (though neither of them were, they were both just too chicken to take the next step and talk about things) though that had been happening more often than not as of late. It happened often enough that it was almost a regular thing, regular enough that they had traded keys, since they left at different times in the morning, and was just the easiest way to deal with the “lock up when you leave” thing.
What Jun wanted was to tell Nino that he was in love with him, and that he wanted Nino to stay with him, but he would not, could not really, ask Nino to throw away his entire career just because Jun could not leave yet. Jun was effectively throwing away his, since he would have to settle for a smaller lower profile lab and while he would accomplish great things, he was certain of it, it was not going to be what he really wanted, what he and Nino had talked about. Or worse, he would take a year or so off, and stay with this mother, finding something to do in the mean time, but he was not sure if that was even a feasible option, or if that would pay the bills.
What Jun did know for certain was that Nino was not going to be happy with Jun at all. His mother had been diagnosed a few weeks ago, after she kept dropping things: a coffee cup, burning herself with the coffee, Her dinner plate, cutting herself as she tired to clean it up. She had called him, concerned, after the third time that it had happened, and after clearing things with his mentor, he had taken the day off to go home, and go to the doctor with his mom. He was really the only family that she had left, since she, like himself, was an only child, and he would not let her go through this alone. He could tell that she was worried, and her voice had been shaky as she told him that she was having issues controlling her movements, that she was getting more forgetful. And Jun had known, instinctually, that it was something with her brain. Alzheimer’s would have been easier, in some ways. Longer, and more drawn out, and she would have been with him longer, and he could have moved her to wherever he did his post doc. He would have been able to take care of her. The doctor had not said anything then but there had been blood work, brain scans, testing, and in the end, Jun and his mother had been given the news that he did not want to hear. His mother had come down with the same damned disease that he studied. The one that he and Nino had promised to rid the world of. Spontaneous, they had said, since she had not traveled anywhere that would have exposed her to the contagion, nor had she received a blood transfusion or organ transplantation (though these days they tested the blood for that, and did screenings of family history).
His mother had been hysterical, and Jun had held her, numb, while she cried,. In one day, his life and his career were falling to pieces.
He had come back to school, and was confronted by a worried Nino, but he had pushed off the other’s concern, insisting everything was fine. And he went through the motions, as if everything was fine. But it were not. Jun spent a lot of time talking with his mentor, getting his dissertation defense moved up a month, as well as, at his PI’s urging, arranging a job. Jun was going to be allowed to work through correspondence, authoring the book that his PI had been asked to write on prion diseases, as well as working on several grants and papers. Every few weekends, Jun would need to come back to the university and do some actual work there, but his PI would make arrangements for both Jun and his mother at those times.
Jun was floored by the generosity, and when he has asked by, his PI, had just responded that it would be a shame to see Jun have to put aside his career for something that he could not control, since he was, and would be, an amazing scientist. He could not promise anything, but his PI hoped that he would be able to make faculty in three to five years, and would be his replacement, but that would depend a lot on Jun, and his abilities, but he was willing to give him a chance.
It had been with a wry smile that his mentor had added, “This makes it easier in some ways, MatsuJun. I didn’t have to pick between you and Nino, since both of you could easily do this.”
And so, Jun was left with a secret that he shared with his boss, only to be revealed when Jun would start as a post doc (he was given, and took, several months off after graduation to spend some time with his mother before things got really bad).
It hurt knowing that his mother was dying, but what hurt more, at least more immediately and more intensely, was that he could not tell the person that he had come to rely on these four years. Nino was coming over later, to tell him about his job interview, and Jun knew that it would come up, and Jun would not be able to give him the answer that he wanted, or the one that Jun himself wanted to give.
~~~~
“Jun-pon, did you get the call for the interview yet?” Nino did not bother knocking as he entered Jun’s house. He had a key, and really, what was the point of having a key if you were not going to use it? He had told Jun that he had just finished the interview, and Jun had said come on over, and so he did. Plus, Jun never had an opportunity to see him in a suit, and Nino knew that he looked good in one, so going over to see Jun was the obvious choice.
“They did call.” Jun confirmed, his voice floating from somewhere in the general vicinity of the kitchen and as Nino leaned against the wall, watching Jun move about the tiny kitchen, he could tell that it was not a good day. The coffee cups by the sink, and the coffee that he could smell brewing, and the fact that it was well after noon and Jun was just now getting to the breakfast dishes, were all indicators that something was definitely off.
“How did the interview go?” Jun asked, conversationally, not turning around, and Nino watched him with a frown.
“What’s wrong, J?” Gone from Nino’s voice was the teasing of moments earlier, instead now he was serious, moving into the tiny kitchen to wrap his arms around his friend, his classmate, and his more often than not, lover. “You can talk to me, you know.”
“Its-how did the interview go, are they offering you the job?” There was a catch in Jun’s voice, something that Nino could quite place, but if Jun did not want to open up, then Nino would not force him to, at least not yet. He was tired of Jun shutting him out these past weeks, closing up and increasing the distance between them.
“They called me on my way over here. Job, and relocation package.” Nino’s voice was muffled in Jun’s back. “They want me to move as soon as I graduate, which is doable, I just need to look for a place, and a roommate.” This was the first that Nino had mentioned the entire roommate thing, and from the way that Jun tensed in his grip he was certain that he had surprised the other. The implication was clear; it just depended on whether or not Jun would take the bait. “We can talk about that later.” Nino pressed up on his tip toes, brushing a kiss against the back of the other man’s neck, and was pleased when Jun shivered in his grasp. “When is your interview, J? I know they were excited about you as an interview candidate. They want us both, badly.”
Nino could feel Jun taking a breath, his hands braced on the counter, and Nino was suddenly afraid. “Jun…” He whispered and Jun sighed.
“I am not doing an interview with them, Nino.” Jun didn’t turn around, and Nino, in his surprise loosened his grip on Jun.
“What?” He asked, shocked more than anything else. This was not what they had talked about, this was not what they had wanted, but the past few weeks, Jun had been a bit distracted, spending a lot of time on the phone, but Nino had just figured that he was stressing about graduation. Apparently the closing up and shutting out Jun was doing was due to something a bit more serious than stress about graduation.
“I won’t be taking a job with the company.” Jun replied, and Nino could see that his grip on the counter was tight, his knuckles white from the strength of his grip.
“Why the hell not? This is what we wanted; this is what we talked about.” Nino demanded and pulled on Jun so the other man faced him. “Just a few weeks ago you were excited about the cutting edge research they were doing, you wanted to help. Prion research is what we do, and this company is making huge advancements in disease treatment.” Nino stepped to Jun, who couldn’t look at him. “Jun, we were going to do this together. We were going to make a difference. What happened?” Nino could see the emotions on Jun’s face, he knew the other was upset, he could see distress there, and sadness, and something else.
“I can’t do it, Nino. Not anymore.” Jun still didn’t look to Nino, and Nino growled.
“What the fuck, Jun. You at least owe me an explanation. I deserve to know why you are throwing our dream away.” Nino stepped into Jun’s space as he spoke, grabbing the front of his shirt, trying to get the other to react, to do something, but Jun just looked at the ground, eves averted away from Nino.
“I can’t, Nino. Please, understand that I can’t.” Was all Jun would say, and with a growled ‘fuck this’ Nino stalked towards the door.
“I will do it, and I will be the best. In three years, I will have taken their treatment plan to a new level, and we will be curing people.” Nino’s glare was hard. “I can do this without you, Jun, don’t think that I can’t.” Nino paused, waiting for a response and then shook his head. “As a friend, I at least deserve an explanation. But you won’t give one. I thought we had something, Jun, but I guess I was wrong.” Nino didn’t wait for a response, just left, shutting the door firmly behind him. After a few moments, Jun sunk down against the counter, staring at the door as tears beginning to well in his eyes.
“We do have more than that, idiot, but I can’t -“ Jun stopped, shaking his head. “I hope you do find the cure, if anyone can it is you, but I don’t have three years to wait.”
~~~~
If anyone was surprised that Nino and Jun were not really talking the next week, no one let on. Though there were whispers of confusion as Jun’s dissertation defense was moved up a month ahead of schedule, and there was surprise when Nino did not attend. But what caused the most attention, and confusion, was when as soon as his defense was finished, and dissertation submitted, Matsumoto Jun disappeared. Gone from the school, gone from the city, gone from contact with everyone. If anyone knew where he was they were not talking, and when pressed for an answer by concerned friends, all that their PI would say that it was Matsumoto-kun’s business, and they should ask him when they saw him again.
But he was not back for graduation, or to see Nino off, though the rest of their friends were. No one knew where Jun was, and no one knew where he lived, just that he was from “near Tokyo,” so no one could find him.
Jun had sent him congratulations on his defense and on graduations via text message, and had wished him luck on the move, and success with his new job, but he would not answer Nino’s question of where the hell he went, and why he disappeared without saying anything. And so Nino left, angry at Jun, and angry at the world, but there was nothing that could be done.
~~~~
To say that it was a bit… odd… to be back in the town that he had done his PhD in after seven years, sitting in the same café that he used to study in late at night all the time was an understatement, but Nino was nothing if not resilient. Needless to say, his parting words to Jun about how he would find a cure three years was, of course, an exaggeration, and that he and the company, were no where closer to finding a cure than they had been. Their therapy was useful in helping several auto immune conditions, and surprisingly migraines, but not any of the prion diseases which had been the intention of the project. Nino was about ready to leave the company, since seven years was a long time to be out of academia if one wanted to return to it, even though he was qualified, and had published, he just was not sure what he wanted to do with his career anymore. Jun, and his whatever the fuck it had been had put a wrench in his plans that he had never quite been able to recover from, which may be a bit of an exaggeration, but when one spends years thinking about what you and someone were going do, one forgets how to think about what you want. Nino knew this was unhealthy, and he had dated casually, but it had never really gone anywhere other than some kissing, and maybe groping. As soon as Nino realized that he was comparing everyone to Jun, in a “you are not Jun and I don’t want this” kind of way, he called things off.
So when his company told him they were doing a collaboration with his old department chair and mentor, Nino jumped at the chance to go back to Japan and be their representative. It would give him a chance to figure out what the hell had happened to Jun. Nino was sure that he could have asked his friends, or could have messaged or emailed Jun, but he could never bring himself to, since he was the one who left in a huff, and after thinking about it, Jun’s change in behavior was indicative that something major had been going on with him, as well as his disappearance right after his defense. The Jun that he knew, and everyone had known, would not just pick up and leave like that.
Some things never change, however, as Aiba settled into the chair beside Nino, wide smiles and bright eyes, Nino was glad that some things never changed. If Aiba had changed, it would just be weird. It had been five of them, always together in college, and Jun was the only one that he knew nothing about, still. He had been in contact with Aiba, a student a few labs over from the one that he had gotten his degree in, since he left. Both sending letters every few months to one another. Ohno and Nino didn’t really keep contact, well Nino would message him, and Ohno would reply back with random pictures and things, but that was Ohno, and what one had come to expect of the owner of the very coffee shop they were at now. Sho at least, Nino had seen. A friend of Nino’s since they were younger, he had been doing graduate work in business at the same school that Nino was doing his PhD, so they had spent a lot of time together, when Nino was not with - well, when he had free time. Moving away had not meant the end of seeing Sho, and when Sho had been in the US on business, he had always made sure to drop by and see Nino, even if it was out of his way.
“Ah, Nino, sorry I was late. I was help up with the chair. He is sorry that he isn’t here to meet you, but he knows that I will take good care of you.” Aiba pulled Nino close, giving him a hug and only letting him go when Ohno shuffled over to the table with a sleepy smile.
“Order, Nino?” He asked then scratched down the black coffee that Nino ordered before shuffling back, returning not much later with two drinks, once black coffee, and one tea, iced and slightly sweetened.
“Thanks Oh-chan.” Aiba smiled at Ohno, who nodded. “The chair is paying for it, so just charge him.”
Ohno chuckled, and nodded. “This would be considered a special occasion. He doesn’t offer to pay unless that is the case.” Ohno leaned against the table, leaning into Aiba, who leaned his head into Ohno’s body as if it was instinctual, and Nino could not help but wonder when that had happened, and why no one told him about it. Though he could be wrong, perhaps they were not dating, but the way that Ohno slipped his arm around Aiba, pulling him close in a hug, and the way Aiba’s eyes slid closed for a moment, and he just leaned into Ohno’s embrace made Nino certain that they were in fact, involved.
“When did that happen?” Nino asked, voicing his thoughts, his elbows propped on the table as he looked from Ohno to Aiba, and he could see Aiba thinking, as if AIba was going to deny the question.
“About two years ago.” Was Ohno’s quiet response. “Two years and a little, just after Jun was made cha-“ Ohno stopped speaking as Nino’s eyes widened, and he looked to the younger man, taking in his suprise.
“You mean you don’t know who you are working with?” His voice was soft, and Nino looked from Ohno, to Aiba with a frown.
“My company told me that I was going to come back and work with the chair of my old department. I assumed that it was still Johnny-san.” Nino could see from the way that Aiba and Ohno looked at each other that this was very much not the case, and he swallowed.
Ohno had seemed to imply that Jun was the chair. Jun is the chair. The chair of their old department. Jun, the man who had disappeared without a word was chair of their old department. Jun was the one that he was going to be collaborating with.
“What exactly happened to Jun, back then?” Was the question that Nino settled on, and Aiba sighed. “Oh-chan, can we get the drinks to go? This might take a while.” Aiba asked.
Ohno nodded, grabbing the drinks and shuffling away returning with two to-go cups and a smile.
“It really is nice to see you again, Nino.” Ohno hugged the other man, holding him tightly, and Nino hugged Ohno in return, enjoying the familiarity of the embrace. He was home, and things were starting to feel like he remembered. It was something that he thought he would never feel again.
Nino waited until they were a fair distance from the coffee shop before he spoke. “So Jun is chair now? What the hell?” And Aiba chuckled.
“It was a bit of a surprise, but I guess I should start at the beginning.” Aiba looked to Nino out of the corner of his eye, gauging the others reaction.
“MatsuJun disappeared for about a year, after graduation. None of us really knew where he was. People would say that they saw him on the weekends, sometimes, and he was publishing papers for the lab, writing things, but no one actually saw him there.” Aiba’s voice trailed off, caught up in his thoughts.
Nino didn’t interrupt, waiting for the thoughts to file through into Aiba’s brain so he could get a story, and answered.
“After about a year though, MatsuJun was back, as if he had never left, but something was different. He apologized for disappearing like that, but we found out that not long before graduation his mother got sick. Creutzfeldt-Jakob disease. So he left to spend time with her and the fact that he was back at work meant that she was gone, and it was not something that he liked to talk about. Still doesn’t.”
“What?” Nino grabbed Aiba by the arm, spinning him so Aiba was facing him, and Aiba nodded, sadness in his eyes.
“Jun didn’t tell anyone, expect Johnny-san. I think, Jun had to give up his dreams and his career, and he didn’t want you to do the same. So it was easier for him to keep it all in, and let you do what you wanted to. I never asked him about it, but that’s what Oh-chan, Sho-chan, and I think.” Aiba didn’t have to add that, but Aiba, of everyone, knew just how torn up Nino had been about Jun’s disappearance, and decision not to take a job with the company.
“That fucking idiot.” Nino said, though is tone lacked heat. He was shocked, but it started to make sense, when he looked back on things. Jun went home that weekend, and when he came back things weren’t the same. He had started withdrawing, and spending a lot more time on the phone with his mom. She had not even come to his dissertation defense, which was odd, as she had come to all of his other events, not that Nino had been stalking Jun, it was just that - he had been trying to figure out what was wrong with Jun, and why he would do this, so he could straighten it out and fix it. But then Jun had disappeared, and now Nino knew why.
“Johnny-san let Jun work as a post doc, doing remote work, except for the occasional weekend, and after his mother passed, he was free to work full time. It was obvious that Johnny was grooming Jun to be his replacement, and within three years, Jun was faculty. The youngest we have ever had. It was only this last year when Johnny retired, that Jun was made chair, but no one was surprised.”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me, Masaki?” Nino didn’t look to Aiba, instead he stopped, gripping his cup tightly, and Aiba laughed a soft bitter laugh.
“You never once asked about MatsuJun. We figured that you didn’t want to hear about it. I know how broken up about it you were, and probably still are, by the look of things. But you never spoke about MatsuJun. It was as if that portion of your life never existed. So we thought it best to leave it, until you brought it up.” Aiba sighed. “I am sorry that Oh-chan brought it up like that. We thought that you would at least know about him being chair, since he is who you will be working with, and who your company has been in contact with for the last few months arranging things. MatsuJun took care of all the arrangements personally.” Aiba took a long sip of his tea, smiling with a happy aaaaah as he drained the cup. “I think he might have missed you, Nino-chan. Just like you missed him.” Was all Aiba said, walking to a trashcan to throw his cup away before motioning to Nino. “We should get back; there is a dinner tonight, with all five of us. Jun is cooking as a welcome back.”
Nino knew, that ready or not, there was no way that he would miss dinner that night. He just wondered if Jun had changed at all, in the last seven years. And if he had, was he ready to accept that. He could admit that theJun that he loved, still loved, really, could not be the same person. He was not the same either. But, maybe, just maybe, there was still a chance.
~~~~
“Aiba, why are we back at the house I am staying at?” Nino’s voice was deceptively calm as Aiba lead them back to the house that he had left his bags at earlier and Aiba just chuckled.
“I thought you knew that you were staying at the chair’s house, Nino-chan. Since its Jun, and Jun is cooking us all dinner to welcome you back, it only makes sense that we would go to his house.”
“But-“ Nino started to protest (and who wouldn’t? he was staying with Jun, a man that he had not seen in seven years, and still loved. But it had been seven years, and he was not sure he was ready for this, to meet Jun like this, when he could not hide behind work and professionalism. Which he could not do now, since they were throwing him a welcome back party. A party. For him.)
Aiba paused, pulling Nino into a hug, Nino hesitated for a moment, hugging him back.
“Don’t think about it too much, just try and enjoy tonight. You can talk with MatsuJun about the why’s and the what’s later. Just enjoy tonight.” Aiba pulled Nino a bight tighter. “Besides, MatsuJun is looking super hot these days, so try not to drool too much when you see him, alright?”
“He can’t have gotten that much hotter.” Nino snapped, pulling back, and Aiba just laughed, pulling Nino up the steps and into the house, calling out “We are here!” As he closed the door behind them, leaving his shoes at the door, and his laugher continued when an “It’s about time”, a “welcome back, Nino”, and an “I thought Nino-chan kidnapped you,” were carried to them from the kitchen. Jun, Sho, and Ohno. They were all here.
“What would I want with this baka, anyway Oh-chan?” Nino called out conversationally as he followed Aiba into the kitchen, and was pleased when a smile twisted Ohno’s lips and the man chuckled and Aiba huffed indignantly but didn’t argue the point.
“Charming as always, Nino.” Sho’s comment was droll, as he moved across the kitchen to hug Nino, though he had seen him within the last year.
“Charm is one of my stronger points, Sho-chan. I thought you knew that.” Nino’s voice was sly, and Sho shook his head.
“You are many things, Nino, but charming is not quite the word that I would use.” Sho’s voice was light, and Nino wondered if he could see the tension in Nino, the insecurity at being back, with these people (Jun really) like this.
“It is better than being fail. Since it seems you haven’t grown out of that yet if your emails are any indication.” Nino commented sharply and it was Sho’s turn he laugh, and shake his head.
“At least I don’t look like I am still seventeen. I swear you have not aged a day since high school.” Was Sho’s reply, and Nino just grinned, it was something of a running joke between them, and was always fun to surprise the under grads with, when they realized that he was not a random student, but the lecturer for the day, both in Japan, when he was here, and in the US for the company meetings, though they tended to think he was an intern, and not a lead research and development scientist.
It was then there was a lull in the conversation, as Aiba passed Nino a beer, and Nino had the chance to look around. Jun was at the stove cooking something and Nino hated to admit it, but Jun had aged quite well. When they were in school still, Jun had been a little awkward (weren’t they all) and a little unsure of himself, but the man who stood before him now was still MatsuJun: his moles, smile, and eyes, were all there, but there was a confidence about this Jun, an assuredness that Nino was not used to seeing. .
“Sorry I was not there to greet you this afternoon, I was in meetings.” Jun did not turn to look at Nino, instead chopping vegetables on the cutting board.
Nino nodded, though Jun could not see him.
“I trust that Aiba showed you to your room, and that you settled in well enough?” Jun asked, turning for a moment to look at Nino, smiling wide and bright, and Nino knew that despite the years, despite the things that had happened, the way that Jun had grown and changed, and he himself had all was, that he was still, certainly and irrevocably, in love with Matsumoto Jun.
“Aiba neglected to mention that this was your place, but so did my job as well.” Was what Nino replied, and Jun chuckled, going back to cutting things.
“I apologize for the surprise. I meant to e-mail you, and give you a run down of things, but they insisted that they were making all the arrangements, and that I needed to go through the department secretary for all the contact information.” Jun’s voice was pleasant, and he was relaxed, at ease.
Nino hmm’d, leaning against the counter as he watched Jun. He was aware that the others were there, chatting but they left him alone, to talk with Jun. What was not surprising was that the company had wanted the department secretary to make the arrangements, it was how things worked in the American bureaucracy, and she had passed along all pertinent information, and it was Nino’s own fault for not asking for the name of the department chair, or the person he would be staying with.
“It was a pleasant surprise, it saved me the effort of having to try and track you down.” Nino could tell that Jun was surprised, as he stiffened slightly, hesitating for a moment in his knife work, but Nino had pushed off the counter and was over with the main group before Jun had a chance to relax. This was not the time or the place, and Nino probably should have waited to say something like that to Jun, but he wanted the other to know that there were no hard feelings. Well, there were but mostly that Nino wanted answers from Jun, but he was not angry and upset in the way that he had been the day Jun had told him that he was not going to interview. Now, Nino just wanted to hear from Jun what had happened. He may not even chew Jun out for the entire thing. Only time would tell.
Nino hovered near Aiba and Sho for the rest of the dinner preparation, though he could feel the look that they were giving him, and was sure that they were judging him (he was judging himself) but at least he was not hiding in his room with this DS, which was really tempting, but the food that Jun was cooking smelled good, and Jun himself looked good, and Nino was just glad to be home and know that after seven years it was really as if nothing had changed.
“So, Nino, tell us what you have been-“ Aiba stopped as Jun’s phone rang, and he stepped away from the stove, everyone’s gaze turning to him, Nino a little slower than the rest. Apparently that ring tone was not one that people wanted to hear.
“Yes, this is Matsumoto Jun…..are you certain…. This evening you said…. Is he alright? Yes, yes I understand….. we will be there in a moment. Thank you for calling.” Jun sighed as he put the phone down, looking to Aiba as he untied the apron that he had been wearing.
“Aiba-chan, we need to go.” Jun’s voice was low, and Nino knew that Jun was not pleased, or at least that was the tone that used to mean that he was displeased. Now, who knew.
“Go?” Aiba questioned, though he was already moving towards the door, with a sigh, he did not argue.
“Go. Your student, Takarada, he was involved in an incident this evening. You recall the issues with his girlfriend’s ex-boyfriend?” Jun continued, and Aiba nodded, even as he slipped into his shoes. Nino was sure that he could hear Aiba cursing under his breath, but he was not sure.
“Apparently, there was a stabbing, and Takarada was injured protecting her, They are at the hospital now. As you are the closest thing that he has to a guardian here at school, we get to go.” Jun’s smile and the resignation at the words made Nino wonder just how often he had to deal with this kind of thing. And from the way the others were just shrugging it off, it seemed that it was a somewhat normal thing.
“The food is mostly done. Nino, stir it occasionally for the next five minutes. I don’t trust Sho or Ohno to do it. Oh-chan, you know where the plates and things are. Don’t wait up, Nino, I will see you in the morning, I am sure. You know the way to lab? I have Johnny’s old office, so it will be hard to miss. 10:00, you will get the tour, and present your research to the lab, but I am sure that they told you that at least.” And with that, Jun was toeing into his shoes and out the door, Aiba following close behind him, and Nino was left wondering that the hell had just happened.
Ohno sighed, shaking his head. “Masaki had been trying to tell Takarada that this girl was bad news for a while. She was involved with a yakuza kid for a while, and apparently he doesn’t take well to being told no.” Ohno shuffled towards the kitchen, pulling Nino with him, his grip loose around his wrist, and Sho followed.
“Is he always this - unavailable?” Nino asked, looking from Sho to Ohno and back again.
Sho sighed, “He had to clear his schedule for tonight, so really, it’s worse. I think part of the reason that he thought it would be alright for you to stay here is that you will hardly see each other. It’s MatsuJun, and he is always busy, working, but he is also chair, and there are just responsibilities that come with that. If things are awkward, you won’t have to deal with him, except on occasion in the lab.”
“But what if things aren’t awkward? What if I want to see him?” Nino asked, as he finished stirring the stew that Jun had prepared.
No one could answer him.
Dinner was good, very good, if Nino were honest it was the best that he had had in a while, but it was not the same with Aiba and Jun gone. He and Ohno and Sho made the best of it, chatting and catching up, and making sure that Nino was up to date on just about everything that had happened to all of them while he was gone. No one brought up what Nino was going to do, or how long he was going to stay, or what he was going to do about Jun, but Nino did not expect them to. He himself did not know, he would need to talk to Jun, and see how Jun reacted to things, and if Jun even still cared. He might not, despite what Aiba (and Sho and Ohno) seemed to think. Jun had always been hard to read like that, so Nino could not be sure.
Nino did not hear Jun come in that night, though from the coffee that was in the kitchen when he got up, the other man had been in, and was probably already at work. Nino was giving a talk to Jun’s lab, so they had a run down of the project that they were going to be collaborating with Nino on.
Since his interview, Nino had not worn a suit. Bad memories associated with wearing a suit, and despite the fact that this was a somewhat formal presentation, it was also a lab presentation, and it was not an interview, since the collaboration was already in place, so he decided that slacks and a button down were good enough. Usually, he wore jeans and a t-shirt, but at least for the first meeting, looking slightly more professional might be a good thing, though Nino did not really care what Jun’s lab though of him, he just needed them to be able to work, and work well. Despite the changes that were going on around campus, the new buildings and rerouting of paths, Nino was easily able to find the science building, as well as the department conference room. It was odd, walking across campus with his laptop bag, on his way to work. Seven years ago did not seem that long, and not long enough at the same time.
Nino waved to Aiba, as the other man rushed past, who beamed, but did not stop, his arms full of what Nino could only guess were his experiments, as he was followed by a gaggle of under grads and graduate students, all offering to help Aiba-sensei carry things.
There was a group of students, outside of the conference room, and they were examining a sign. “Why do we have to go to this seminar again?” Nino heard one of them ask with a sigh. “I have experiments that I need to be doing.”
“It seems that Ninomiya-san and Matsumoto-sensei were in the same lab for their PhD, and that Ninomiya-san is collaborating with us.” A student added, and the same student from before sighed.
“But I am not even working on the project.” She sighed, running her hand through her hair. “I am only here to make a good impression of Matsumoto-sensei. I want to be in his lab for my dissertation, and he isn’t convinced that I will be a good fit yet.”
Nino could see why Jun was reluctant to take her, and he wondered why Jun was considering it at all, but it was probably department politics, and the fact that as chair he was almost stuck taking those that the others want.
“What is Ninomiya-san like, do you think?” A different student asked, and it seemed that none of them had noticed that Nino was loitering behind them.
“I heard he was better than the chair.”
“I heard he was just as good.”
“I heard that they worked together so well, and so closely, that it was hard to tell who did what.” Nino addressed the group, but he paused, noting the way that they shifted to look at him, but there was no sign of alarm or recognition.
“Why do you say that?”
“All of their papers were co first author, right? Isn’t that how publication works?” Nino could see the gears working in the others heads, and the girl, who was really starting to annoy Nino, just huffed.
“There is no way that anyone could be as good as Matsumoto-sensei. He is the best.”
Nino hid a smile as an argument broke out. Nino was pleased, and surprised, to hear that apparently a large part of Jun’s work was built on what he and Nino had done in graduate school, and that Nino was something of a legend around the lab, at least to the graduate students.
“Nino! When did you get back?” A voice seemed to roar over the noise of those gathered in the hallway, and everyone fell silent, searching for Nino, as there was only one person that it could be.”
“Nice to see you again, Nagse-nii. I got in last night, getting ready to give a talk to MatsuJun’s lab here.” Nino was very careful to make certain that he was casual in referring to Jun and Nagase and as the lab members gathered outside the door realized just who they had been talking to, and about, they paled, while Nino just flashed them a smile and a peace sigh.
“It’s been how many years, Nino? can you please stop with the Nagase-nii?”
“Has Aiba-chan?” Nino shot back and Nagase just sighed, and that was enough answer for Nino. “I will stop when he stops.” Nino could not help but laugh, at that moment, as Aiba rushed down the hall, calling out ‘Nagase-nii, make sure to be nice to Nino-chan, he just got back’ and Nino was certain that he heard a few of the students trying to muffle their laughter.
“Oi, Nino, are you giving Nagase trouble already?” Nino heard the footsteps behind him and turned to smirk at Jun, giving him the Nino signature two finger salute as an answer, and Nino was certain that he saw the corner of Jun’s mouth twitch in a smile.
“Shall we get started? There is no sense milling around here in the hallways when I am sure that there are classes and experiments that everyone needs to get back to.” Jun pushed his way into the room, and the others followed behind, Nino taking up the rear. This was going to be interesting indeed.
~~~~
The talk went well, as did the research, and Jun and Nino worked together like they had never even been apart. Jun spent a lot of his time in meetings, a lot of it in his office, but there was one student that Nino was working with when Jun was not available, and a lot of night hours put in by Jun and Nino.
Never, however, were the two home at the same time for more than a passing “goodnight” and “good morning.” When Nino had attempted to broach the subject of perhaps he should get his own place, since it would make things easier for Jun (though he did not want to, since it meant that he would see Jun even less than he did now).
Jun had put down his pipette, stopping the research, and asked quietly, “Is that was you want to do?”
Nino had immediately shaken his head, “I just don’t wish to be a burden to you, taking up a room in your house. You have been more than generous, and as I understood it, usually when people stay with the chair it is a temporary thing.”
Jun sighed, taking in a deep breath. “It usually is. You can do what you want, Nino, but I do not mind having you there.” Was what he had answered and Nino never brought that up again.
Nino did, however, try to bring up what had happened between them all those years ago, but Jun always cut him off and shut him down. This isn’t the time, was the reply he would get right before bed after a fourteen hour work day, or the place was the standard response in lab, with other people in the building but not with them, and Nino was getting quite fed up with it. So he did what anyone who needed to talk with a very busy person would do, he made an appointment with Jun at the end of the day on a day that he knew that Jun had a lighter than usual schedule. Jun’s secretary had looked at Nino oddly when he requested that she schedule the appointment, but Nino had flashed a smile, and explained that he just needed enough time with Matsumoto-sensei to make sure that they were on the same page about the research since he needed to report back to his company on the progress. Which was a lie, but it got him on the schedule.
It also seemed that Jun did not pay a lot of attention to his schedule when he was in all day meetings since he was surprised when it was Nino who entered his office, and closed the door.
“Nino, what are you doing here, I have an appoint-“ Jun trailed off and sighed, running a hand through his hair. “You know, some people would just ask for time to talk.” And Nino nodded his agreement.
“And some people have gotten tired of being pushed off and told that it isn’t the time or the place for the last several weeks. Hiding behind your job is well and good, Jun-pon, but-“ Nino settled into the chair, and forced himself to relax. “But I have some things that I need to say, and I need to know.”
Nino smiled, clearly pleased with himself as Jun sighed, clearly resigned to the fact that they would be having this conversation, now. Nino knew that he had Jun cornered, and the he would be unable to avoid the conversation any longer.
“I-I should not have stormed out that day, it was childish, but you should not have kept it from me, Jun.” Nino’s gaze was fierce, and Jun nodded, but he did not speak. “For the previous five years, we had been working together, and essentially living together, and making plans together, and then one day, you just close up, and everything is different. I understand why, I really do, but you should not have taken the choice away from me. I would have preferred to have been there, and supported you, then spent the last seven years wondering what the hell happened. You were wrong Jun, and so was I, but it was wrong.” Nino took in a shaky breath, and he looked to Jun, then back down, staggered at the emotion that he could see in Jun’s eyes, and startled by the lack of anger.
“You are right.” Was all he said and Nino gaped at him.
“What?” Who was this Jun, and what had happened to the one that he had known. The Jun of the past would have been angry, would have argued and denied things. It had been seven years, and a lot had happened, they had both grown up. But - all the arguments that Nino had prepared, the thought that he had put into convincing Jun that he was both wrong and stupid for giving them up, they were pointless now.
“It was not my choice to make, not as far as you and your future were concerned. I should have let you know, and given you the choice.” Jun leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table, watching Nino. “I know that I was wrong, and I regret it, but what is done is done, and there is nothing that I can do about that. At the time, I thought that my mother should have come first, and I would be lying if I said that I did not miss you.” Jun sighed.
Nino leaned back, unable to take it all in. He couldn’t figure out where to go next, what to say next, and so, instead of trying to convince Jun of anything, Nino decided to just follow his heart, and say what he needed to say.
“I might not have chosen to give up the job, I might have, I am not sure, but I do know, that I would not have let you go through all this crap without me.” Nino sighed. “I just-“I thought that we had something, and then it was all gone in a moment, and I never found out why.” Nino was certain that Jun could hear the sad catch in his voice, the regret there, and the fact that there were still feelings there. It was a tone that Jun had not heard often, but the way that Jun’s eyes narrowed slightly, his gaze softening, at least that is what Nino thought he saw, had to mean that Jun knew, even if he did not say it.
The feelings were still there, Nino was certain of that, had been since the moment that he had seen Jun again.
“You did not know until Aiba told you.” Jun commented evenly, and Nino nodded. He was not going to bother to deny it, and he was sure that Jun knew that he knew. “You never once asked any of them about me. I figured you were still mad at me. I think I would have been mad at me, if I were in your place.”
Nino chuckled, softly, and nodded. “I was, for years. But I also thought that if you wanted to contact me that you would, and could. But you never did. Which is foolish. As I was the one who stormed out. I should have been the one to-” Nino sighed, as there was a knock on the door.
“It seems that our time is up, I just -” Nino paused, and Jun nodded, smiling warmly at him, and Nino was sure that he blushed, eyes widening. It had been a long time since he had seen that look. And it still filled him with a warm affection, and the desire to kiss Jun senseless.
“We will talk about it later. I don’t have a good reason to work late tonight. And I have missed you.” Jun ignored the knocking on his door, and Nino for a brief panicked moment wondered if there were windows in the door as Jun leaned across the desk and captured his lips in a brief kiss. Jun’s lips were dry, and slightly chapped, but Nino did not care about that as Jun kissed him, one hand brushing briefly across Nino’s cheek, before pulling away.
“I will make sure to wait up.” Was Nino’s soft reply as he stood, and moved to the door, opening it to let the next appointment in. “Thank you for your time, MatsuJun-sensei.” Nino did not turn around to look at Jun’s reaction, instead he kept walking, a smile growing on his face with each step that he took.
He was not sure what this would lead to, or when the collaboration was going to end, or even if he could get a job near here, or even at the university, but he did know that finally, things were right between him and Jun, and that the dreams that had fallen down around them years earlier, were morphing into something new. Something, Nino was certain would be wonderful.