Taking it to the grave (Matsumiya, Yama, AibaxBecky) Part 2

[doctoggy]

Title:Taking it to the grave
Author(s): doctoggy
Artist: alienashi
Disclaimer: I own nothing. At all. All events within are fictional.
Type: Angst. OMG so much angst.
Word Count: 16400ish
Characters/Pairings: Yama (side), Matsumiya (main), AibaxBecky, Fujigayax???
Warnings: minor character death, lots of talk of illness, suffering, comas and almost dying.
Summary: In a world where everyone has a soulmate, you would not think it would be so hard to find them. But the powers that bind souls are powerful, and unduly influencing a bonding with confessions of being soulmates was strictly forbidden. Jun had long since known that his friend and business partner Nino was his soulmate, but Nino professed not to believe in love, and reminds Jun constantly that he has no need of a soulmate. So what it Jun to do when this very fact may cost him his life?
Author’s Notes: Based on a soulmates AU prompt from a long long long long time ago. The idea has been floating around for a while, but I lacked time and the ability to just write it.  Also, Random pseudo steampunkish, fantasy like AU. Thanks to thoroughlynerdy for the beta and putting up with my constant but the story wont cooperate ness, and thanks to boblemon for being awesome and encouraging.]
Link to Art Master Post: This is part of the bigbang_je project, so when I have the art, I will post that as well. :)



As the days turned into weeks, Satoshi slowly improved. He no longer needed Sho to be with him every waking moment. Nino would still sit with him, holding his hand, however.  First he would watch Nino while he talked, rambling on about things that they did in their youth, about the store, about anything. Satoshi would squeeze his hand when he mentioned people from back home, but mostly Jun, and Nino was glad that he seemed to be starting to remember. Since their college days Jun had been up here a lot with him. He was close to Sho and Satoshi, and perhaps asking him to stay down with the café had been cruel.

But Nino needed to know that at least something would be there for him when he came back, since at this point it was now a when, not an if.

Sometimes, while Sho was working his singing carried up from downstairs, but Nino would read to Satoshi, from books that he knew the other liked, or that Sho recommended. Just so he had something to listen too. More often than not the reading put him to sleep, and Nino himself would doze off, moving when Sho would come to change places with him, leaving Nino to cook dinner for the three of them.

Since Satoshi had woken up, Nino had forcefully taken over the kitchen. “I owned a damned café, and I can cook better than you. Satoshi needs good food to heal. Though you have improved a lot, just let me do something.” Nino had insisted and Sho had nodded, not putting up much of a fight.

“You could go back to your café. Things are better here.” Sho had commented lightly and Nino had hmmed, rummaging around the kitchen.

Things were better, but they were still not good.

That morning, when Nino had mentioned parents in the story that he was reading, Satoshi had started crying, tears steaming down his face. Shakily, Nino had called for Sho, and the word parents was all it had taken for Sho to pull his lover close, to tell him that it wasn't his fault, that it was no ones fault. No one could have predicted the rock slide. They lived in mountains, and they were common. It wasn't Satoshi’s fault that the horse spooked. It wasn't his fault that the carriage had overturned. None of it was his fault. Satoshi had cried and cried, and Nino had left them alone, wanting to cry himself when Sho mumbled over and over again that he loved Satoshi, and was so, so, so glad that he was all right. That he did not know what he would do without the other.

Masaki often said the same thing to Becky. That she was his light, and he did not know what he would do without her. She would just hit his shoulder, grinning like an idiot, and he would smile back at her, love shining in his eyes. They were a pair of fools, but a pair of fools in love.

And Jun often said that about their friendship. That he was glad that he got to meet Nino, glad that their paths crossed.  His life would be different without Nino, and all the friends he brought into his life. My world is a more colorful place because I met you. And our café is the best thing that I could have done, I think. Jun would always say that, when Nino asked him if he regretted it, when times were lean, and they were living off of savings since it was winter months and the students from the university were all on holiday. He would ask again when they were so busy that they only got 4 hours a sleep a night, since cleaning and prep work too so much time, and evening hiring extra help (Toma) didn't do anything to lessen their burden. But Jun’s answer was always the same. This is the best thing that I could have done.

When he called the café that evening, it was Toma who answered the phone. Jun was in the back working on the books, since it was almost payday. And Toma chatted idly with Nino while Jun wrapped up and came to the front.

Nino filled him in on Satoshi’s progress, on the fact that he broke down today, obviously remembering his parents, and Nino could not help but keep the sadness out of his voice.

“It is hard to be here, to watch him turn to Sho, and to know that I can do anything for him, Jun. But I cannot leave yet, until I am sure that he remembers me.”

I know. Jun’s voice was soft in the phone, lacking the strength that Nino would expect.

“Are you alright? You sound off?”

I have been a bit sick these last few days. But Aiba is looking after me, so I am in good hands. And Becky and Toma are working as hard as they can to make up for it.

“Get better, ok?”

Jun hmmed through the phone. I am trying the best that I can, but right now, the illness seems to be winning.

“We can’t have that, Jun. Our café needs you.” Nino’s voice was sharp and Jun hmmed through the phone.

I am doing the best I can, Kazu.

“Do you regret it, J? Any of this?” He couldn't keep the question in, and was nor surprised when Jun immediately had an answer.

You haven’t asked that for a while. Jun chuckled weakly, pausing for a moment. I still think that meeting you was one of the best things that has ever happened to me. Your friendship, this café, it has brought so many blessings to my life. I would not be who I am today without you. Without all of you. So thank you.

“Getting all mushy on me, J? That is rare.” Nino joked, and he was slightly surprised when Jun didn't answer back in jest.

My birthday is coming up. Masaki thinks Becky will have the baby about the same time. You should try and make it down.

“But Satoshi, and the rains-“

It would mean a lot, to all of us.

“Are you Ok, Jun? You have never bugged me to come back. I thought you knew how much this means to me.” Nino’s voice was sharp and he could hear Jun’s sigh, and the silence on the other line.

I know how important that Satoshi is to you. I would never ask you to choose the café of him. It’s just hard without you here. This is our shop. It needs you here.

“I will be back, I just have to know that he remembers me. Without Satoshi, I have nothing.”

There was silence on the other end of the line, long enough that Nino thought the connection had dropped.

Becky and Masaki would like you to be here for the birth of their child. And I think it would be good for Satoshi and Sho to have some alone time. You haven’t given them more than an hour of daytime alone, have you? His voice was fond and Nino shook his head, though Jun couldn't see it.

“He is my brother, Jun.”

And they are soul bonded. They just need time to heal. And Satoshi will heal. But in the meantime, you have a life here you are neglecting.

“And that the same life will be waiting for me when I get back. But I have to take care of things here first. I have to know.” He could hear the panicked edge in his voice, and Jun’s soft breaths into the phone.

Things will be different when you get back, Kazu. Nothing stays the same forever. There was noise on the other side of the line, and Becky’s cheerful voice came through.

Sorry to interrupt, Kazu, but Toma had a bit of an accident in the kitchen and we are sending him to Masaki to get it checked out, so I needed Jun back in the kitchen, since he has the most experience. We will talk to you soon, and remember, Masaki and I wont forgive you if you aren’t down for the birth of our child, especially since Satoshi can survive without you. Her voice was cheerful, but there was a sharp edge too it as the line went dead.

It had to be the pregnancy hormones. But the entire conversation was odd, he had to admit. Maybe later, when Satoshi was sleeping and Sho and Nino were having tea by the fire, he would get the others opinion on the matter.

~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~

Jun leaned heavily on Toma, who had caught him when Becky had pushed him out of the way on the phone, when she had seen the way he had begun to tremble, heard the wavering in his voice that the phone line was unable to pick up.

“What happened?” Toma’s voice was soft as he supported Jun’s weight through the kitchen and up the stairs, letting him sink down on the couch. Instead of letting Jun curl up into himself, Toma stayed close, running a hand through Jun’s hair, an arm around the other man’s shoulder. Jun was pushing people more and more away these days, and while he had not been physically close with them ever, he had always been closest to Toma (besides Nino). He came to Toma when Nino had someone over, and Toma had always thought that it was because Jun didn't like overhearing Nino with other people. He understood much better now. But watching Jun fall apart like this, trembling and too frail in his arms, he wanted to find Kazu and punch him in the face for this bullshit.

“I almost told him.” Jun’s voice was soft, pausing as Becky lumbered up the stairs. “Kazu was talking about the shop, and how it was the only thing other than Satoshi that he had. He has to stay and make sure that Satoshi knows him, since without him he had nothing.” Jun’s voice cracked, but neither Toma nor Becky commented on it, Toma just pulled the other man closer, surprised when Jun wrapped his arms around his waist, hugging Toma to him. “He said that the same life would always be waiting here for him, and I told him-“ Jun paused, his voice trembling, “That some things would be different when he gets back. I almost-“ Jun’s voice cracked, and Toma could feel when the trembling turned into tears, and Becky settled onto the couch, watching the pair.

Toma could feel the concern in her gaze, though not pity. Jun would hate the pity. What he could make out, as Jun’s tears turned to sobs, was that Kazu had said without Satoshi that he had nothing. And that all the years of friendship, and devotion, seemed to mean nothing to Kazu but a way to make sure that the café didn't fail.

Toma was certain, as he and Masaki, and Becky had stayed up many nights since they all found out talking about this, that Kazu was in love with Jun. Or at least as dependent upon him as he was on Satoshi. And that without Jun he would be broken. He would hate himself when he found out that he had killed Jun. But none of them were certain that he would pick Jun over Satoshi. And that was there the problem lay. Jun seemed to know him best, and Kazu seemed to confirm the things that Jun feared.

But Kazu never smiled as brightly with anyone as he did with Jun.

His eye followed Jun around the room in the same way that Jun’s followed him.

When Nino had figured out that him bringing people home bothered Jun he had stopped, not seeing people, but bringing them home at least. And he was discreet enough that Jun never drank himself into a drunken stupor from Nino not coming home, since it was rare.

It must be so hard for Jun. To live all these years soul bonded to someone who had no clue. Someone who was against love. Who would realize far too late that he was losing the best thing that had ever happened to him. Nino might argue that it was Satoshi and his family. And Nino was happy with Satoshi, had struggled with accepting Sho into Satoshi’s life. But Satoshi didn't make Nino light up the way that Jun did, he didn't make him shine.

Jun and Nino shined together, and he had been a fool not to see it before now. They all had. But Jun had never made a big deal out of it, just been the solid support for Nino when times in the shop were rough, during the winter months when business was slow, during the busy times when Nino wanted to scream and run away and never see a customer again.  There had to be a way that he could make this right with them. Without betraying the trust that Jun had placed in them, and without breaking any laws.

On one had they all understood that Jun couldn't tell Nino.

On another they all know that Jun would hate it if he forced Nino into a relationship.

They also knew that Nino would be bitter about being forced to love Jun, since if he found out he would soul bond to him. They were all certain about that.

Though no one thought this would end badly, as Nino was obviously, the most they thought about it, in love with Jun.

But rules were rules.

And Jun didn't want to risk Nino hating him. He could understand that.

Since Jun was choosing to die rather than forcing someone to soul bond with him was a bit different than having to live apart from that same someone because you forced them to soul bond with you. If you forced it and they didn't report it to the authorities, then having them hate you, but needing to live in the same city as them to not die would be a very hard thing.

Unless of course Nino notified the authorities, which Toma did not think that he would do, but if he did then Jun really would be dead.

Toma, Masaki and Becky all through that unlikely, but Nino’s spite and hatred would break Jun just as much as death was, but one would be a long drawn out suffering. More drawn out than this slow fading was. And while Toma was convinced Nino loved Jun, he was not sure how Nino would deal with this, or if he would be open to it immediately, if at all.

Nino had built a solid wall around his heart.

And his rules were firm.

And Jun had broken all of them.

And so Toma held Jun tighter, until he cried himself out, and to sleep. And then as tucked Jun into bed. He followed Becky downstairs, and they started to close up the café. Toma had recruited his brother to help out, and Ryuusei was glad to help out. Jun paid him a small salary, but it got Ryuusei out of the house and work experience, which the younger man was glad for. But his brother didn't ask questions. He had seen Toma, Nino, Jun and Aiba over the years, and he was smart. But he also knew better than to ask. So he just worked hard to charm the customers, while Becky and Toma did what they could to keep Jun in the best condition possible. Which really meant that Jun slept a lot on the couch upstairs, Toma shouldering most of his weight when he was too tired and worn down to make it up on the stairs on his own. Becky would sit with him, just watching him sleep, until Masaki got off of work from his clinic and would take over watching Jun while the Ikuta brothers and a very pregnant Becky closed down the café.

People wondered, of course, their regulars forming theories though few were bold enough to ask. Taisuke was one of the few who pieced things together, but instead of asking, he just started helping them clean up, chatting with Ryuusei and wiping down the tables, insisting that Becky take it easy in the late stages of her pregnancy. Toma was tempted to argue, and push him away, but one day Jun came downstairs, took one look at Taisuke, eyes steady staring at the younger man, and declared that he could stay.

And so he stayed.

It wasn't Toma’s business, but he found out that Taipi, as everyone seemed to call Taisuke was part of a theater dance troupe, Ebikisu. And from the way that Jun would try and venture downstairs more, chatting in soft tones with Taipi when customers weren’t around, Toma was certain that the younger man was in a similar situation to Jun. Everyone gave them space though, and while Toma had suggested that Taipi could at least get paid as much as Ryuusei, which wasn't a lot, Taipi refused, saying that he had another job, he was just glad to help out when needed, and wanted to help Jun out as well. He never commented more than that, but Toma was certain from that that he was in the same situation.

But the young blood helped draw in customers, since Ebikisu would inevitable come and check on Taipi when he was working and they were free, to see what he was doing with his free time, and many of them could often be found lounging in and about the café. Oddly though, Jun stayed upstairs on days that they were around. Toma guessed it was to make sure that they didn't guess that Taipi was soul bonded to one of them, but he himself wasn't sure that this was a fact. But it helped pass the days, until Jun couldn't get out of bed.

It happened faster than any of them would like after Jun had the breakdown.

And so, when Jun was finally bedridden was when serious discussion of closing down the store occurred.

It was also getting hard to explain to Nino every time that he called, that Jun was busy with the store. But Toma could always hear Sho comment in the background that it was the busy seasons, and that if Jun needed something surely he would call. And Nino would relent, saying that he would call another time. But he was not certain that they could stall much longer. Nino would want to talk to Jun. And mostly all Jun did these days was sleep. With enough notice they could get him downstairs and to a chair near the phone, though talking to him one knew, that something was very wrong. But when Nino would call would be unpredictable, normally when Satoshi made some sort of progress, the first day he recognized Nino, the fact that his first question to Nino had been where is Jun had struck Nino was slightly odd, but not odd enough for the pieces to fall into place.

Becky was far along long, since Jun’s birthday was in a week, that Masaki was worried that Becky would give birth at the same time that Jun…. faded, since none of them wants to say aloud that he was dying… and Toma was sure that it was through sheer force of will that Jun was still alive, and that Becky hadn’t had the baby. The baby would be Jun, or Junko, no matter what, Aiba and Becky had both decided. And Jun had called them both morons, and tired to hit Masaki upside the head, since one didn't hit a pregnant woman, even in jest, but he had been too weak to reach across the bed to smack Masaki. Masaki had needed to excuse himself from the room after that, his voice wavering and his eyes watering, and Jun had watched him go with a soft apology.

But then Jun wrote letters. To Satoshi, and to Nino. And it was at that moment that Toma knew what to do. As Jun handed him the letters with shaky hands, asking him to make sure that when he was gone, that the letters were delivered, Toma was completely certain that he knew what needed to be done.

And so, when Ryuusei and Fujigaya were running the café, and Masaki and Becky were sitting with Jun, Toma ventured out into the stifling summer humidity, two letters in hand.  Jun might hate him if this worked, but that would mean that he was alive to hate.

~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~

Every time Nino got off the phone with Jun he would fill Sho and Satoshi in on what was happening with the café, and every time he would ask them if they thought that Jun was acting odd. Sho would just shrug, and Satoshi would smile at Nino, saying, “Kazu, you know him best, what do you think?”

Nino would never know how to reply. Since something was up with Jun, Nino just did not know was it was. He was certain that it was something. But he was also certain that if something was wrong, really wrong, that Jun would tell him, since they were close. And Jun wouldn't keep something from him that would effect the future of their shop. The shop was everything to Nino that wasn't Satoshi, and it meant a lot to Jun as well.

“You know,” Satoshi would comment every single time that Nino brought up Jun being weird, “You could always go check on him. And I am sure that Becky and Masaki would like you to be there for the baby. I will still be here when you get back.”

“I would like to be there for the birth…” Nino’s voice trailed off. “But you are not well yet. You can’t even really walk.-The most you can manage is to take a piss. And Sho has a lot to catch up on with the business, and I would like to stay here for a bit.” He would look out the window, his eyes focusing on the forest and the hills, and every single time Satoshi would sigh. It was the same conversation every time.

“I am not going anywhere, Kazu. I am fine, and I am well, and I am healing.” Satoshi’s voice was always soft as he said this. “But you have a life, a café, friends like Masaki and Becky and their baby, you have Jun.” His voice trailed off. “You can go home for a bit and I will still be there.”

“If you want time alone with Sho you just have to tell me. I can go visit Subaru and his family for a while or something. I can find something to do for a few days to give you guys some alone time.” Kazu would watch Satoshi, and the other would slowly meet his gaze.

“It isn’t that. You have a life that you are putting on hold, Kazunari. There are things that change, and moments that you should be a part of in your friends’ lives.” Satoshi would pause and grin. “And Sho isn’t letting me go anywhere. Not that I want to. We will still be here when you are done at home.”

The use of Kazunari is when Nino would know that he was serious. But it didn't change what he was feeling.

“I am where I want to be Satoshi. You are my family. Everything else can wait, it will be there when I get back.”

“Things change, this-“ Satoshi would choke on the words every single time, no matter how many times they had this conversation. “This is an example of that. Nothing stays the same forever.”

“That is the same thing that J says.” Nino stood, shuffling towards the door. “I am going to get some tea, do you want anything?” He always paused, his back to the door, and Satoshi would softly respond that he didn't want anything at that moment.

So Nino would go make a pot of tea, and go out onto the back porch, watching nothing but the rain that was still falling. Rainy season was not something that he missed about living in the mountains and there was still a few weeks left in them. But he would stand, and he would think. Maybe he should go home.

But he was certain that Jun would tell him if something was wrong. If not Jun then Toma or Masaki or Becky would tell him something. So there was no reason to go home. Except that he was getting restless. Jun’s birthday was in a few days, and he would be turning thirty. It would be nice to surprise him by going home. Since the one time that it was brought up Jun had not mentioned him coming back again. Maybe a surprise trip was in order, except…

Nino paused in his musings as he heard a racket from the front door, and what seemed to be the barking of dogs.

Dogs?

Nino could hear a racket in the house, and Sho calling for him. Setting his tea cup on a table on the patio Nino shuffled back into the house, and came face to face with a tall beast of a man, dripping rain all over the front hallway.

“Tomoya? What are you doing here?” Tomoya Nagase was one of a five man group called TOKIO that ran one of the postal services. Tomoya and Masahiro Matsuoka were in charge of the dog sled teams, used to run mail up and down the mountains. But it was rare to see them in the rainy seasons, preferring not to endanger their dog teams in the rains and mud slides.

But this wasn't in TOKIO’s jurisdiction. This mountain was SMAP territory, but they weren’t due for another few weeks.

“Special delivery. Toma said it was important, and when that one asks a favor of me, I don't say no, since he never asks.” Tomoya pulled two letters out of a pouch, and handed them both to Sho. Sho glanced at the letters, his eyes widening and stiffened slightly when Ohno stumbled up next to him, sliding an arm around Sho to keep himself upright.

Sho didn't say anything but handed Ohno the letters, his gaze intent on Tomoya. Ohno glanced at the names on them, and swallowed hard, leaning more on Sho, who automatically wrapped an arm around the other man.

“Toma did?” Sho asked, his voice steady and the taller man nodded, his gaze moving to Nino as Nino started peppering him with questions.

“How is everyone? Have you seen Becky and Masaki? Have they had the baby? How is the café?”

Tomoya shifted slightly when Nino mentioned the café. “Funny you should ask that. When I went by the café on my way out of town it was closed.”

“Closed?” Nino choked on the word, and Tomoya nodded.

“I could see Becky and Toma inside, but it was mid morning and the café was still closed. Its been running on abbreviated hours these days, but it makes sense all things considered.”

“All things considered?” Nino questioned, his voice wavering, and Tomoya nodded.

“It’s been hard to run things of late, with you up here. There are a few part timers, and Toma does the best that he can. Becky can’t anymore, and as for Jun…no one has seen him in weeks. Rumor has it that he is sick with something. Masaki and Becky are over there all the time, it seems they practically moved in, but no one who works at the café will say a word. It's a nice loyal bunch that you have there.”

Nino opened his mouth to speak, but the words didn't seem to want to come. Taking a shaky breath he tried again.

“Jun is sick with something?”

“So it would seem. Like I said, no one has seen him. But there might be a reason for that.” He nodded. “I need to go, Masahiro is waiting. It’s good to see you up and about, Satoshi. We were all worried.” He stepped towards the door. “We leave first light tomorrow. If you need to send anything back, anything at all.” And with that Tomoya was gone, and Nino spun, glaring at Sho and Satoshi.

“You knew something was wrong, didn't you? Why didn't you tell me?” His voice was sharp, demanding, and Satoshi smiled weakly.

“Jun sent you a letter, maybe you should read it.” He held out one of the letters, and leaned into Sho. “Help me back upstairs? I need you to get me the box.” Satoshi’s voice was soft, but Nino wasn't really paying attention to it, instead looking at the letter in his hands.

In careful but shaky script, his name was written.

Which was odd, since Jun’s handwriting was anything but shaky.

The shape and form of his writing was there, but it looked weak.

Since when was Jun weak?

Nino sank down against the wall in the hallway, trembling hands opening the letter.

Kazu,

If you are reading this then the worst really has happened. I want to say that I am sorry. I tried. And I hoped. And - it doesn’t matter now, not really. But Masaki and Toma and Becky have all been the best. The very best. They are not you, but that is what got me into this mess to begin with.

So anyone who knows you knows that you have three rules. And while I didn't mean to break them when I made them, I have broken all of them. But I am only sorry for breaking one of them.

I am leaving you, since death is leaving. So I am sorry.

I lied to you, since I didn't tell you that I was dying. And for that I will not apologize.

I fell in love with you before we had graduated university. I have been in love with you for all these years. I think the soul bonding-“

Nino stopped reading, the paper falling into his lap.

Kazu, why don't you come home? Becky had asked. Toma had asked. Jun himself had even asked once. Sho and Satoshi had all asked. Had they all known?

Nino looked back down at the letter, noticing that there were wet spots on the paper. He was crying.

I think the soul bonding happened right before graduation, during the first time that you took me home to meet Satoshi. I regret nothing. Being in love with you, being friends with you has brought me nothing but happiness.

I am sorry that I cannot take better care of our business.

I am sorry that I am leaving you alone.

I am sorry that I could not tell you. But I would never force you to love me. I couldn’t live with myself if I did. Sho and Satoshi knew. Satoshi figured it out right after we opened the shop. But I didn't tell the others, since they didn't need to know.

But the longer I was here, and you were with Satoshi, the more obvious it became.

I am glad that he is well. I know that without him you would be lost. Don’t worry, the store is in good hands until you get back. Take all the time that you need. I will never be able to say this to you, so I will write it, though I will not apologize for it.

I love you, Kazunari Ninomiya. With all that I am.

Yours always,

Jun Matsumoto

“Sho-“ Nino tired to speak, but the words came out as a croak. “Sho-“ he tired again, a little louder, though he knew that he was crying, and the words were more of a whimper than a shout. But he couldn't make himself get up off of the floor. Couldn't make himself do anything but stare at the words on the paper.

He could hear movement upstairs, and the sound of footsteps running down, and Sho skidded to a stop in front of him, kneeling down beside him, and Nino could see that Sho had been crying as well.

“He-J-“ Nino choked, and Sho glanced towards the phone.

“You might still have a chance, Kazu. Tomoya and Masahiro aren’t leaving until morning. And he mentioned that it was a special favor for Toma. So there is a chance.”

“Call them?” Nino asked, gripping the paper tight, and Sho nodded, placing one hand on Nino’s knee before standing.

“I-I can’t lose him, Sho.” Nino’s voice was soft, but saying the words he knew that he meant them. And he could feel something in him snap as he spoke the words, sharp and burning, and all he could feel was pain, and sadness for a moment. He was aware that Sho was back beside him, picking him up and carrying him up the stairs, saying things in a soft voice that he couldn't quite make out.

Sho didn't seem panicked, or worried, and if Nino could focus on anything he would be freaking out. He was partially aware of Sho laying him in the bed beside Satoshi, but all he could feel was pain, and all he wanted was Jun. Somewhere in the background the phone rang, and Sho sprinted for it, his feet loud on the stairs, but all Nino could focus on was the quiet whispers Satoshi spoke, the gentle hand in his hair. It took a long time for him to be able to make out the words, but Satoshi’s hand was steady in his hair, though it sounded like Satoshi had been crying, his voice hoarse. But maybe that was just because he was talking to Nino, more than he had talked in a very long time.

“It is ok, Kazu. I understand. It only hurts cause you are this far away. But you love him. I always thought that you did. But it will be OK now, as long as we can get you down there in time. I am sure that Sho is talking to them, making arrangements. And we will get you down there in time, since if we can’t, then I will lose you as well, and there is no way that we can let that happen. You and Jun are both too stubborn.” The words faded in and out, the hand soothing in his hair. He could hear Sho and Satoshi talking, a small bit of hope in Sho’s voice the next time that he came up the stairs.

Nino spent the night curled up in the bed with Satoshi, the pain gradually fading to something he could manage but it was still there, and it felt wrong. All he wanted to do was go down the mountain, but they wouldn’t leave until sunrise, and he was certain that Tomoya and Masahiro would be here before the sun, just to get a head start. If this was what Jun felt every day since he had been sent home Nino did not know how Jun did it. But Jun had always been stronger than him, in everything.

No one was sleeping that night, Sho packing up Nino’s bags and making all of the preparations, and Satoshi was comforting Nino. When he was functional enough to talk, his face stained with tears, it was late into the night, almost morning. Nino had stumbled out of the room to wash the tears from his face, and check that everything was packed, though there was never a need to double check Sho in cases like this. But the more he thought about things, the angrier he got. When he shuffled back into the room Satoshi was staying in, Nino rounded on Sho and Satoshi, his voice angry.

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have-“

“We have been trying too. How many times did we have to tell you to go home, that things change if you are gone too long?” Sho snapped back. “How do you think we felt, knowing that Jun is down in the city dying because you wouldn’t let him stay up here?  He wanted to, but you told him that you didn't want him here. That the restaurant was more important than letting him stay. And then you told him that Satoshi was the only thing that mattered to you. What the hell did you expect us to do?” Sho took a deep breath. “Kazu, for him to go against you in this would have meant that he told you. Forcing a soul boding like this-“  Sho stopped as Satoshi lay a hand on his arm.

“Forcing the soul bonding like this will save Jun’s life. And Kazu’s as well. If Kazu is honest with himself, this is something that should have happened years ago. But his rules were his rules, and never to be broken, and so he never considered things.” Satoshi paused. “I have a feeling that Toma wasn't supposed to send those letters to you.” He glanced to the box beside the bed. “Jun has been sending me letters every few months since I figured out that he had soul bonded to you. Talking about how you were, how the café was doing. In every single letter he promised to take care of you. Every time he thanked me for letting him take care of you. In this last one, he said that he was sorry that he would make you sad. He was sorry that he failed to take care of you. But that he was glad that you were here with me, with your most important thing. And that he was happy that he didn't have to force you to love him. Since you were so against love, and soul bonding. He asked me, knowing that he wouldn't ever get an answer from me, if I thought that you would ever forgive him, for breaking all of the promises that he made to you. If I thought you would keep the café afterwards, knowing that he died there.” Satoshi’s voice trembled. “All he wanted for you was what he thought would make you happy. And you told him in plain terms that being up here with me and Sho was more important than the café. Don’t you dare get mad at us for not telling you. We tired to tell you. But you wouldn't listen.” His voice was hard through the wavering of his tears and Sho pulled Satoshi close for a hug as Nino began to cry again.

“I had to hope that Satoshi would wake up, and I sat here knowing that Jun was dying and that I couldn't do a damned thing about it, Kazu. So save him, and yourself. Please?” Sho took a shaky breath. “It will be close. Masaki said Jun is in a coma, but when you soul bonded he reacted. Strongly. Masaki thinks there is a chance, but he is weak. But the closer you get, the stronger he should become. Tomoya and Masahiro will do their best. They have their fastest teams, and called in favors from SMAP to get their freshest fastest teams as well.”

Ohno nodded, as there was a knock on the door, and Tomoya calling though the house in a loud voice that they were ready to go, so hurry.

“I don't want to lose you both. So go fix it. Call when you can, or have Toma call. Just go.” Satoshi leaned forward, placing a kiss on Nino’s forehead, and Sho leaned forward, hugging both men to him.

“Go safe, and go swiftly. You are in the best possible hands.” Sho’s words were soft, and Tomoya roared up the stairs, “Kazunari, get your ass down here! We are on a schedule!”

“I don't care about what you think the schedule is. We better be down that mountain faster than anyone ever has.” Nino shouter back, tearing down the stairs, and Sho and Satoshi could hear Tomoya laughing, and Masahiro shouting from outside to “Hurry their asses up, soul bondings wait for no one.”

Sho curled up next to Satoshi, and Satoshi frowned, feeling the tension in Sho’s body.

“What is wrong?”

“Becky went into labor at the same time that Kazu soul bonded with Jun. Masaki really isn’t sure how much longer Jun has, but sometime yesterday he slipped into a coma. Masaki didn't want to call us and let us know, since Kazu would find out, but he didn't sound good. He sounded worn. And sine no one has seen this happen before, he isn’t really sure what the lasting effects of this are, if Kazu gets there in time.”

“When, not if. If I know TOKIO at all, they will run the sleds as late into the night as they can, lanterns lighting the way along the road until its too dangerous to run at night. Leaving this early means they should be clear of the sharp cliffs. With the extra teams, they might not need to stop.”

“That’s dangerous. For them and the teams.”

“TOKIO and SMAP have to know that, but they also know that this is a life and death situation. I am sure that it will be fine, now that Kazu realizes that someone needs him just as much as he needs them.” Satoshi looked at Sho, his gaze fond. When you know you have something to live for, someone who wants you to live and needs you to come back, it isn’t hard to find the strength to hold on just a little longer. And Jun has been waiting for Kazu for years. He wouldn't give up now.”

“Satoshi….you-“ Sho couldn't find the words, but Satoshi shook his head.

“I was always coming back to you. It’s just, I could feel you needing me to come back, wanting me here with you. And that gave me strength. I know that is what Jun feels right now. And at this point, he will wait for Kazu, with everything he has left.”

“I just hope that it is enough.”

“It will be for them, I think.” Satoshi’s voice was firm, like he refused to consider the possibility of ending any other way that happily ever after. Sho wished he could be as optimistic as his lover.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

Nino was glad that he did not remember much of the ride. Dogsledding was a lot like being on a ship, and that made him horribly sea sick. But he refused to give into being sick, since that would slow them down. Thankfully Tomoya and Masahiro didn't want to talk, instead concentrating on driving in the rain. Nino was soaked, he was sure that they all were, but the hides were keeping his things dry. Not that that was what was important at the moment, but it was keeping him distracted, which he needed.

The closer to the city they got, the easier to bear the pain became. So far this soul bonding thin had been a less than wonderful feeling, and he couldn't understand why anyone would want to feel this way, but so far he didn't know what a soul bond was supposed to feel like, what it was like to be close to the one that you loved and be connected with them.

And apparently he loved Jun. He certainly cared about Jun. He cared about all of this friends. But Jun was, if he was going to be totally honest with himself, and having soul bonded was a time to be honest, Jun probably meant more to him that most people did. He trusted Jun with their café. Had spent the better part of the last almost ten years in business with the man. Lived with him. And the signs had always been there, but he had never cared to look. Never wanted to admit it, really. Things had been good the way there were, until Satoshi’s accident. And then, though he hadn’t known it, everything had started to fall apart.

And now he was on a literal race against time to save Jun with their soul bond.

In the way that his parent’s soul bond had not been able to save them.

He had sworn that he would not become them, not die from being unhappy from being in love with someone who didn't love you.

But swearing off love, and soul bonding, was apparently the very thing that was going to get him killed. It was ironic, really. And Nino could appreciate irony. As long as Jun lived through this. Since he might never forgive Jun for being altruistic and noble and selfless and stupid and selfish enough to not tell him and get them both killed. Then Nino would never ever forgive him. Though his never ever wouldn't be all that long.

The more he thought about it, the more that he was certain that Satoshi was right, and that Jun never intended for Nino to find out, at least not before he died. Since he would rather die than force Nino into something that he was so adamantly (he had thought) against.

But, knowing Toma, if Jun was going to write a goodbye letter, then that was the same as telling him. Toma’s though probably was that a Jun who was alive and pissed even if he was not soul bonded to Nino (somehow) than a dead Jun. What Nino was not sure of was if Toma had considered (but knowing Toma he had) what would happen if Nino had soul bonded to Jun but things ended less then well. What if Jun died before he got there (which Nino refused to think about) or what if Nino hated being soul bonded to Jun so much that they lived apart, and the café was ruined, and Toma had just destroyed their business and partnership?

Nino was certain that was what Jun had thought about, and was one of the many many many reasons that Jun had not told Nino. And once he was sure the other was awake, and safe, since he would be safe, and alive, then Nino would scold him for every single idea that he was certain had gone through Jun’s mind.

It was these thoughts that occupied his mind as they drove into the night, the rains easing up slightly as they got down the mountain, the roads less treacherous as night fell, and while they stopped occasionally, to grab a quick bite to eat out of their backpacks and take care of the necessities, they did not stop for the night. The roads were smoother, dim lanterns starting to light the way along the rail lines as small towns began populating the road.

They were several hours from town when the pain finally stopped, replaced by a warmth. The best way that Nino could describe it was contentment. It wasn't quite happiness, but it filled a gap that he hadn’t realized he was lacking. However it was weak, very weak. So weak that he could almost not tell it was there.

The pain had been so intense, it had filled him, but the connection with Jun, since he was certain that was what the fluttering feeling in his stomach, the tingling along his nerves, the faint thrumming along his entire being was, was weak. But it didn't feel like it was fading. The closer they got, the feeling didn't get more intense, but it didn't fade either.

“How is he?” Tomoya asked, his voice loud over the noise of the dogs, the sleds along the road, and it took Nino a moment to answer, searching for the words that he wanted.

“I can feel him, and the connection is steady, but weak. But it doesn't hurt any more. I think, maybe, he is stable? But I don't know. I have never felt this before. I just know that I can hardly feel it, but something is there that wasn't before.”

Tomoya nodded, but it was Masahiro who answered from his sled, which ran along side their own with Nino’s pack and belongings. “We are almost there. Even if Jun is stable, it will be best if you are there with him.”

Nino nodded, scrunching down in the sled and staring at the lights of the city that loomed ahead of them. Just a little bit longer now.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

The sleds hadn’t stopped before Nino scrambled off of his. It was mid afternoon, and he was terrified. The lights in the shop were off downstairs, and no one seemed to be around. There were times that the bond that he was feeling with Jun had weakened, fading to the point where Nino felt like only himself for a moment before coming back, and in those moments Tomoya hadn’t asked what was wrong, just urged the team on impossibly faster.

The door was unlocked, which on any other day he would be furious about, but at this point in time he didn't care, tearing through the café and up the stairs. He wasn't sure if TOKIO would follow him up, or leave his things down in the café, and it didn't matter. He needed to find Jun.

Throwing the door to their living quarters open Nino could tell that Toma had essentially been living there, clothing and belonging strewn all over the living quarters. He could also see quite a lot of Masaki and Becky’s clothing though at the moment neither one of them could be found. The door to Jun’s room was ajar and Nino rushed forward, taking a firm grip on the handle before pushing the door open. Jun was inside, on the bed. No one else was in the room.

Was he too late? Was what he felt the remains of a soul bond, something that he would live with until he too faded?

With shaking steps Nino made his way across the room to the bed, grabbing one of Jun’s hands. His skin was warm, though cooler than Nino would like, and looking closely he could see that Jun was breathing, shallow breaths but he was breathing none the less. Sinking down onto the bed, Nino allowed himself to sag forward, until he was sitting on the bed, his head resting on Jun’s shoulder.

“You are an idiot, Jun Matsumoto. But you are my idiot. So get better, so I can tell you all the ways that I am absolutely pissed at you.” His words were soft, choked with tears, but he meant them.

Nino didn't stir when he heard movement from downstairs, several voices carrying up into the room. It sounded like Masaki, Toma, Becky, and a crying baby? He could make out additional voices, Tomoya and Masahiro, but he didn't care. He wasn't going to move. So, Becky had had her baby. That would explain why they had left Jun alone, though he certainly didn't like that.

He only heard one set of footsteps on the stairs, and that person stopped at Jun’s door.

“I see they got you here in time.”

“I see that you decided to move in and throw your clothing everywhere.” Nino’s voice held no heat, but he didn't turn to look at Toma, who moved into the room when it appeared that Nino wasn't going to kill him.

“I didn't want him to be alone, but Becky was having problems with delivery, and Masaki called panicked. He had been non responsive for a few days, but then as Becky was going into labor, you bonded with him.” Toma slowly moved closer to the bed when Nino didn't move from his spot, his head tucked into Jun’s shoulder, his hand gripping the others tightly. He jumped slightly when Toma wrapped him in a hug.

“I am glad.” Was all he said for a moment, his arms tight around Nino, “Jun will kill me, but maybe you two will be happy enough that he will wait to kill me.” Toma shifted, so he sat behind Nino, though he didn't let go.

“They named her Junko. They said that no matter what, they would name her after Jun. She had his eyes though.” Toma’s voice got a little louder. “Junko seems to be a happy baby, though with parents like Masaki and Becky, she really had no choice. Too early to tell whose smile she has though. Becky is downstairs, and she would really like to see you, Kazu. I’ll stay here with Jun for a bit. But they all missed you. And they want you to meet Junko.”

“She can come up here.” Nino’s grip on Jun tightened, and now he could understand why it was so hard for Sho to move away from Satoshi all those weeks ago.

“Not with the new baby. Go downstairs. Jun held on this long, and you are here now, he wouldn't dare fade now.” Toma moved back from Nino slightly, and Nino shook his head.

“I want to be the first thing that he sees when he wakes up.” He realized that it sounded corny, and cliché, but it was true.

“I will tell him that if he wakes up. But please, go for just a moment. They all want to know how he is. You should tell them.”

“You are such a pain in the ass, Toma.” Nino grumbled, but he allowed Toma to shift him off of Jun. He was sure that he looked like shit, from the rain, from his tears, but he really didn't care. He was here, and he was home, and Jun was alive.

“But if he wakes up, and you are the first thing that he sees I will kill you before he can figure out his revenge for you telling me.” Nino’s threat didn't carry much weight, but Toma nodded, standing and following Nino to the edge of the stairs.

“Welcome back, Kazu.” Toma’s smile was wide, and Nino nodded.

“Thanks for showing me what I needed to understand. Now pick up your shit while I am downstairs. And then go sit with Jun. I don't like it when people leave J alone.” Toma knew better than to comment that Nino was the reason that Jun was like this, because Nino had left Jun alone, instead he smiled, and motioned for Nino to go down the stairs. And finally, after staring at Toma again for a moment, Nino allowed himself to be herded down the stairs.

If Jun stayed non responsive as long as Satoshi had, Nino would be very, very angry. It was another thing to add to the list of things to yell at Jun about when he woke up. It was getting to be a long list.

~~~ ~~~ ~~~

It took about two weeks for Jun to wake up. Toma, Ryuusei and Taisuke ran the café, and if they really needed something they would come upstairs and get Nino. But he spent most of his time curled up in the bed beside Jun, except when Masaki needed to carry out medical examinations, and was forcing Jun to eat a thin broth, and some water. It was so similar to what he and Sho had done for Satoshi that it was terrifying, but each day the bond that he had with Jun got stronger, and he could feel the life returning to Jun. When Masaki was taking care of his patient Nino would wander downstairs, chat with customers, chat with Becky and coo over Junko (who had captured the hearts of all his customers) and tell Toma that he was making the coffee wrong.

Toma would just shrug it off and laugh. “So hurry up and get back to work,” He would toss Nino a joking look and Nino would shake his head. “You have been doing such a good job though,” He would joke back. “I will enjoy my vacation just a bit longer.”

Honestly Nino was too tired to work in the café. He understood why Sho had been so tired when Ohno was healing. He slept almost as much as Jun, but there was a lot of recovery that Jun needed to do. He was far too thin, and would be for a while after he woke up, just like Satoshi.

“Enjoy it for as long as you can,” Toma would call back, but this time he paused as something flashed over Nino’s face, and he tore up the stairs.

“I left before he opened his eyes, don't kill me. I have Becky and Junko to think about!” Masaki cried out and Nino ignored him, pushing past the doctor and opening the door to the bedroom. He closed the door behind him, and leaned heavily on it, watching the figure on the bed. Jun didn't say anything, but Nino could see him move slightly, taking deeper breaths than he had in weeks. When Nino had entered the room, his hands grabbed the sheets tightly.

Nino didn't say anything either, giving Jun the chance to speak.

But he didn't.

“You are an idiot.” Were the words that Nino finally chose to utter. “A stupid, self sacrificing, selfish, martyr. In what world did you think that I would be happy if you died? I don't care what I said, how could you even think that I-“ He choked on his words as Jun sat up, slowly, his arms trembling at the effort, but his smile was so wide that it was blinding.

“I love you too, Kazu.”

And then he was on the bed, pulling Jun into a gentle hug, because the other was far too frail, their lips pressed together in a kiss.

“You are never going anywhere without me again. Ever.” Nino commented when the kiss broke, and Jun just laughed into the kiss, their lips still pressed together, his arms shaking as he embraced Nino.

“I don't think you will have to worry about that one. I am sorr-“

Nino didn't want to hear it. And so he kissed Jun. Again. Yelling at him could wait. There was a lot of kissing to catch up on, after all, years and years of it.