Strength (A.B.C-Z)
So I apologize for this. this is like 234567x too close to home. And sad. But thats all I can write these days.
But its something.
Random alternative hopefully never true A.B.C-Z fic
Warning: Character Death, sad, angsty, death,
Hashimoto POV
Always be strong.
It was the mantra that went through his head, every time he remembered……
What he wanted want to be weak. To hide in bed, to never come out. To let the world spin and move and turn and continue on without him.
But he couldn’t let that happen.
It would have made Tottsu so angry, if that were possible. Fading away to nothingness, giving up, because there was no point. Tottsu would have been so, so angry.
He would give anything for that to be possible.
The memories were still too raw. And there was still too much to do. Things that both of them had wanted. Well, things that Tottsu had wanted, and things that Hasshi had wanted because Tottsu had wanted them.
They were supposed to do them together. Their personal “HasshixTottsu love-love” bucket list. It was much longer than the “A.B.C-Z 4ever zutto love” list that Hasshi wrote every year. The only item ever on the list was Hashimoto’s birthday, but no one was going to begrudge their youngest and arguable cutest band member his band-bonding time.
The year after Hasshi has convinced Tottsu to move to Shibuya-ku with him so they could register together, as a family had been the happiest day of his life. Somehow they had managed to keep it from the media.
It was a good 2 years.
When they found out, about Tottsu, they had all been shocked.
Tottu had faded so quickly, so fast. His spirit lasted until the end; even in his last moments it was as if he refused to admit that he was dying. But after he had nearly given up for debuting, Tottsu had changed. He had never given up on a single thing in his life.
Except, his very life itself.
But it was with a smile that he looked at Hasshi, his gaze fixed on nothing else.
And his last words were always be strong.
And so, Hasshi was strong, as he watch Tottsu close his eyes for the last time. He was strong as Tottsu squeezed his hand, but was in no other way responsive. He was strong, as Tottsu’s breathing slowed, slower and slower, the rise and fall of his chest less, and less, and finally it was no more.
He was strong as arrangements were made.
He was strong as people offered their condolences.
He was strong as his band mates, and their family, his and Tottsu’s, cried on his shoulder.
He was strong for everyone who needed him to be.
But at home, alone in their apartment, all he wanted to do was hide.
But this moment, 6 months later, Hasshi was alone, on a beach in a country he had never heard of before Tottsu. He had read about it somewhere…. But Hasshi wasn’t sure where.
But here, on this beach, the first of many HasshixTottsu love love bucket list items was crossed off.
And here, on this beach, he finally let himself cry.
But its something.
Random alternative hopefully never true A.B.C-Z fic
Warning: Character Death, sad, angsty, death,
Hashimoto POV
Always be strong.
It was the mantra that went through his head, every time he remembered……
What he wanted want to be weak. To hide in bed, to never come out. To let the world spin and move and turn and continue on without him.
But he couldn’t let that happen.
It would have made Tottsu so angry, if that were possible. Fading away to nothingness, giving up, because there was no point. Tottsu would have been so, so angry.
He would give anything for that to be possible.
The memories were still too raw. And there was still too much to do. Things that both of them had wanted. Well, things that Tottsu had wanted, and things that Hasshi had wanted because Tottsu had wanted them.
They were supposed to do them together. Their personal “HasshixTottsu love-love” bucket list. It was much longer than the “A.B.C-Z 4ever zutto love” list that Hasshi wrote every year. The only item ever on the list was Hashimoto’s birthday, but no one was going to begrudge their youngest and arguable cutest band member his band-bonding time.
The year after Hasshi has convinced Tottsu to move to Shibuya-ku with him so they could register together, as a family had been the happiest day of his life. Somehow they had managed to keep it from the media.
It was a good 2 years.
When they found out, about Tottsu, they had all been shocked.
Tottu had faded so quickly, so fast. His spirit lasted until the end; even in his last moments it was as if he refused to admit that he was dying. But after he had nearly given up for debuting, Tottsu had changed. He had never given up on a single thing in his life.
Except, his very life itself.
But it was with a smile that he looked at Hasshi, his gaze fixed on nothing else.
And his last words were always be strong.
And so, Hasshi was strong, as he watch Tottsu close his eyes for the last time. He was strong as Tottsu squeezed his hand, but was in no other way responsive. He was strong, as Tottsu’s breathing slowed, slower and slower, the rise and fall of his chest less, and less, and finally it was no more.
He was strong as arrangements were made.
He was strong as people offered their condolences.
He was strong as his band mates, and their family, his and Tottsu’s, cried on his shoulder.
He was strong for everyone who needed him to be.
But at home, alone in their apartment, all he wanted to do was hide.
But this moment, 6 months later, Hasshi was alone, on a beach in a country he had never heard of before Tottsu. He had read about it somewhere…. But Hasshi wasn’t sure where.
But here, on this beach, the first of many HasshixTottsu love love bucket list items was crossed off.
And here, on this beach, he finally let himself cry.