All's well that ends well
He walked to the mess hall quickly, stopping to check in both his and David's quarter's first. No sign of him. It was mid-morning, he'd probably gone to work without hearing from either of them, he thought with a stab of guilt. Burying the feeling under one of Nick waiting for him, he arrived at the mess hall and grabbed a few sandwiches plus some off-brown scrambled eggs left over from breakfast. Adding a couple of cups of coffee to the tray, he headed back out again, not really interested in conversing with anyone. Coming back to Nick's quarters, he let himself in.
The quarters were cleaned, the beer wiped away, the glass swept up. The dishes cleaned, bed linen changed, the stale chips thrown in the bin and the balcony doors opened to let in the warm breeze, the sound of the ocean filling the apartment. Nick was stood at his desk searching through his draw. His bare rear presenting itself too tempting a target as he bent over rifling through his drawers. He yelped, straightening as Cal came along and pinched him.
"Sorry" he whispered kissing his shoulder. "It was just calling to me." He grinned "and now I'm feeling over-dressed. Wanna help me rectify that problem?" He asked with an air of innocence.
Lorne shook, his head, "this is important." He whispered. "Well important to me." He murmured cradling the leather bound bundle of papers.
The seriousness in his voice stopped him. "What is it?" He asked looking at the apparent scrap pieces of paper.
Lorne slipped the origami flower out and slipped it into Cal's pocket, "This...This is..." He untied the leather strap opening it up to see the papers. "This is every letter I wrote to you since that night." He replied quietly staring at the worn leather. It’s...It's everything I feel about you."
He smiled at the flower, fingering the delicate design in his pocket. He knew that Nick had made them like crazy for David but he was touched that he had left one for him.
Nick's next words, quietly spoken, cut through to his heart. And he sat down on the floor, falling against the desk for support. He looked up at Nick, encouraging him to come sit down next to him.
He took another look at the papers, there were dozens. Nick had written all these in a few nights? Tentatively he reached out and lightly touched one, just feeling the texture of the paper. Somehow feeling connected to how Nick must have felt when he was writing them.
"Can I see?" He asked. His awe-struck voice barely above a whisper.
Nick smiled slightly. "They're addressed to you." He replied quietly sitting down next to him and handing him the book of letters.
His hands shaking, he turned the leather cover and looked at the first letter. The first thing that struck him was how difficult it was to read - the writing completely tear stained. He looked up at Nick with a soft smile and stroked his cheek.
Nick ducked his head, leaning into the touch. He glanced at the papers, at the emotional turmoil they held with each pen stroke.
The first pages showed a jumbled mass of emotion and tears screwed up and put back together, incoherent in it's absolute necessity to say Sorry. As he moved further on the writing grew easier, the words more distinguishable, his apologies clearer. The pages whispered of every moment Kavanagh was cruel or vindictive. How Lorne hated himself for making the chemist that way, of making Cal hate him. Then came the pages of despair where his love seemed so one sided he had no hope of ever winning him back. This changed with his outburst. Their first date - his words changed to how much he adored Cal, how deeply he loved him, how he'd die for him without hesitation. Cal and David meant more to him than anything else the universe could conjure. The pages were filled with hope and trepidation, of love and adoration. Of his absolute wonder at them giving him a chance to redeem himself.
He didn't need to be able to read the words on the first few pages, the regret and pain clearly spelt out in smudged ink and paper worn thin and crinkly with wet tears. He moved his arm down to wrap around Nick's waist, holding him close, knowing it was too little too late but needing to touch him.
Moving on, the pages reminding him of his anger and unnecessary cruelty made him feel low and dirty. This was exactly the reaction he'd wanted to get from his lover at the time, but knowing he'd succeeded made his head hurt. "I never stopped loving you,” he whispered "never", as he squeezed his arm tighter.
The love and hope reflected in the days after that caused a few tears escape unknowingly down his cheeks. They'd never needed words for him to know that Nick loved him just as deeply and passionately as he loved Nick. But to see it confirmed in writing and realise how close he'd come to loosing it made him tremble and shake, the tears gathering speed.
As he got to the end, he closed the make-shift book, holding it close to his heart. Leaning into Nick's side, burying his face under his arm, he babbled quietly. His words full of apologies and remorse. Most of them absorbed into Nick's soft skin, only the occasional phrase drifted into the room. "Sorry....so sorry...shouldn't have...love you...put you through...didn't understand...angry...love you...forgive me...why...love you...love you...love you."
Nick watched him read, uncertain; a little embarrassed at all the pain in those pages. Leaning against him as Cal wrapped his arm around his waist, his own arm wrapping around him loosely. Kavanagh's confirmation of love sounded in his ears and he kept silent until the chemist had finished and was babbling into his chest. Lorne cuddled him close his fingers stroking the back of his neck soothingly as he always used to do. His arms tightening around him as he held him. "Cal, it's ok." He whispered. "I have nothing to forgive you for, I pushed you into this." He murmured quietly into his ear.
"Over reacted...went too far...was too angry....almost pushed you away." He mumbled, soothed a little by Nick's presence.
"Cal look at me." He whispered lifting the chemists head he placed a strong kiss on his lips. Then rested his forehead against his, looking into his red rimmed brown eyes. "You won't push me away now will you?" He asked.
He felt Nick kiss him hard, but he'd pulled away before he had a chance to respond, burning at the loss of contact, he looked into his lover's deep eyes. Trying to judge if the demoralising question was asked in sincerity. Looking away he shook his head, physically biting his bottom lip to hold back his response.
Lorne turned his head to face him again." Answer me." He whispered softly. "You won't do it again, will you?"
Forced, to look back into his eyes, he gives the answer he knows he should. "No. Nick, I'm sorry. I won't do it again." The sentiment at least is real. He's not going to risk ruining what they've worked so hard to get back by reminding his lover what it was they were arguing over in the first place.
Nick stroked his jaw and cheek whispering softly his gaze intense. "You don't need to be sorry. You've said you won't do it again, and you won't, I believe you implicitly." He replied gently. "So don't cry and don't beat yourself up over this. You have to let it go." He breathed gently kissing away the tear trails. "Forgive yourself." He murmured.
He nodded, using the sleeve of his jumper to wipe away the remnants of tears Nick had missed. He appreciated his faith and trust in him. And wanted so desperately to be able to return it just as completely but he needed to hear it. His voice shaking, terrified of angering his lover, he asked quietly. "You won't do it again either, right?"
Nick smiled at him a little sadly and shook his head. "Never," he whispered. His hands cupping Cal's face, his thumbs running over his cheekbones. His eyes open, and honest. "I swear it," he breathed.
Cal closed the small distance between them and kissed him, sweet and unhurried. "I believe you,” he whispered back. He still needed answers, but this would do for now.
Nick's eyes brightened as they broke off slowly. His smile widened as he looked at him pleased. "Thank you." He breathed happily.
"Ok, well the food will be completely cold now." He said looking back to where he'd placed the tray. Wanting this conversation to be over
"I don't mind, I'm starving." he replied releasing him and grabbing the tray before kicking Cal's legs apart slightly and sitting between them. The tray on his lap, he leaned back against Cal's chest picking through the food.
Picking up a something-resembling-ham sandwich, he broke of a small piece and fed it to Nick, leaving his fingers there to tease his lips. His chin resting on the top of Lorne’s head.
Nick smiled kissing them, remembering how awkward he had felt on their renewed first date just recently, seeing Cal and David like this and not being able to take part. Nick sighed and chewed before opening his mouth for another piece.
Calvin obediently complied, giving him some more and laughing as his stomach grumbled. "Impatient, aren't we?" He said rubbing it sensually in small circles.
Nick laughed leaning back in Cal's arms watching his hand run over Nick's grumbling stomach. "I'm a growing boy." He teased, "I need my food." He nodded his hands resting on Cal's knees as he settled back content to have Cal feed him.
He smiled thinking how much that sounded like something David would say and feed him another piece, rolling his eyes. "Great, I'm surrounded by children."
"Probably." He chuckled. "But children who adore you." He pointed out swiping a piece off the tray and kissing it before gently popping it into Cal's open mouth.
Calvin chuckled at the gesture, relishing his biscuit. He'd always been more touched by Nick's odd sense of romance than he let on. "Good. Just call me Mr. Nanny then." He fed Nick another bit of his sandwich, breaking up the pieces much more smaller than needed so he could prolong this. "I happen to adore these particular children too. Much better trained than those brats on the mainland."
Nick raised a brow eating it leisurely. "Trained?" He asked amused his fingers tracing patterns on Cal's knees
"Oh yeah, did I not let you in on my master plan?" He laughed, nibbling at Nick's ear. "Be nice to Nick and David until they're so helplessly under my spell that I can completely control them. See it's right under, take over the world and beat McKay to the Nobel prize.” He laughed pointing to an imaginary 'to-do' list.
"Huh so it is." He chuckled perusing the imaginary list cocking his head as Cal nibbled. "I think you can tick it off." He whispered closing his eyes. "I'd say it was a complete success."
"Really? A complete success, huh? I guess that means I can stop making an effort then." He says playfully shoving Nick out of his lap and popping the remainder of the sandwich in his own mouth.
“Hey, no, no, no. It needs continued treatments because otherwise it will revert back out of your control." He replied
"Oh I see,” he says thoughtfully, pulling off his jumper so his Globetrotter shirt is on display. Climbing on top of Nick and kissing him, he reaches for another sandwich. "And what do I get in the meantime?"
Nick leaned back, looking up at him as Cal climbed on top of him, smiling pleased at the sight of Kavanagh in his shirt. "You always look great in this." He chuckled brushing his upper arm before he was kissed. "Well what do you want in the meantime?" He asked.
"Mmm flattery and touching - that'll do for a start." He said with a wink, pulling Nick up to a sitting position and waving the sandwich in front of his mouth. Laughing, he moved it slightly every time he tried to take a bite.
Lorne laughed deciding to grab Cal's writs, pulling the sandwich in taking a bite defiantly. “Ok," he replied running his arm up his arm massaging over his bicep. His other hand removing Cal's glasses sliding them on his own face with a chuckle. "Your eyes are gorgeous."
"Now, now, that wasn't for you." He said licking into his mouth and using his tongue to push some of the mass of food into his own mouth.
"Crazy," he muttered, taking back his glasses and placing them on the side. His tone disbelieving, but as usual his heart rate increased a little with Nick's adoration.
Lorne smiled his hand running over his shoulder and down his chest resting on his heart. "I'm not." He replied gently nuzzling his neck deeply. "Gorgeous." He murmured kissing his neck softly before looking up at him. "You are...to me at least." He replied
Placing his own hand on the hand over his heart, he smiled again. "Like I said - crazy. That's not a bad thing though." He dropped his head back, stretching his neck out to give Nick better access. "Actually I think I kinda like crazy."
Lorne smiled his mouth settling on his pulse, suckling hard and nipping him, branding him with a deep red hickey. "Good I have a lot of that kinda crazy." He breathed softly over his wet skin
Calvin closed his eyes, just relaxing and enjoying the sensation. Nick pulled him in tighter his hand sliding under Cal's top resting comfortably on his stomach as he moved to a new spot on his neck.
Cal waited until Nick finished doing whatever it was he was doing with his incredibly talented mouth that felt that damn good. Breathing heavily, he waved at the tray of half eaten food. "Finish eating," he ordered "or you'll just start whining and send me out again." Getting up, he walked over to Nick's laptop, switching it on.
Lorne laughed standing up and picking up the tray, leaning over Cal's shoulder looking at the laptop with a smile as he ate his lunch.
Searching through his music files, he selected an old favourite. Looking back at Nick with a goofy smile, he held out his hand. "Dance with me?" He whispered softly, happy memories of rehearsing for his brother's wedding flooding back.
Lorne smiled softly hearing the first few bars. "Ok." He replied with a grin pulling him out of the chair
He lets Nick pull him in close to his naked body, sharing body heat. He puts his hand on Nick's waist, as Nick's arm comes to rest behind his neck. Closing his eyes for several beats, he listens, reminding himself of the sway of the music before he starts to move them both gracefully in time.
Nick smiled, burying a little into Cal. "You remembered how." He chuckled. "I thought you might have forgotten by now." He replied
"So did I," he admits with a laugh. "I guess some things come back pretty quickly." He spins Nick as the music speeds up and they end up crashing into each other. "Or maybe not," he amends, laughing and rubbing his nose.
"Ow..." He laughed rubbing his forehead. "Well it was good while it lasted." He chuckled.
A little disappointed, he kisses his forehead. "Don't suppose you wanna try again?"
He smiled softly "Ok." He replied "if you like." He relented with a smile. Lorne smiled resting his hand on Cal's, waist moving him easily again to the music. "Come on."
Falling back into step, he rested his head on Nick's shoulder. Letting the music wash over them, they danced back and forth across the small clearing in the quarters, staying close. They'd just gotten into the rhythm and by silent agreement they were ready to try for something more adventurous again, when the music stopped. Laughing, they both collapsed down on the couch.
Lorne stretched out on the couch, I've done what I wanted to do whilst bunking off school. Your turn now." He chuckled
Laying his head on Nick's lap, he mumbled: "Nah, I'm pretty happy too." After a moment's thought, he added: "although a massage wouldn't go astray," with a smile, looking up at Nick with intentionally hopeful eyes.
He laughed, "you never like my massages, you always complain I'm too rough." He chuckled. "Wimp."
"You know what they say Major: practice makes perfect." He insisted. "If I think you're being too rough, I'll just have to punish you by withholding sex." He deadpanned.
His eyes widened, "Well I'm not massaging you now." He chuckled. "Oh, you misunderstand, refusal incurs the same punishment, for longer." Kavanagh replied, rubbing his rough, unshaven cheek, along Nick's upper thigh, perilously close to his groin.
"Cal..." He whimpered moving his leg away. “Fine," he replied. "Lie down and take your shirt off," he added with a smile. Calvin happily did as he was told. Lorne stood up and leaned down his hands working on the back of Cal's neck and shoulders with strong sure hands.
Letting the couch take his weight, he consciously unwound his shoulders and let himself relax fully for the first time in weeks. Nick's hands were a little too forceful but they still felt incredible working out all the knots in his tired muscles. He sighed and moaned as Nick worked his back.
"You shouldn't moan like that it's indecent." He teased working down his spine his hands fanning out over his muscles.
"I don't know what you mean." He replied, exaggerating his moans further and adding a low, growly "Oh god" and "so good".
Lorne scowled down at him as he worked over his lower back. Rolling his eyes he shook his head. "Shut up," he chuckled.
"I'm sorry, Nick. Is this bothering - oooh yes, yes, yes - you or umm your 'little' friend?" He asked, staring pointedly at Nick's cock which gave a small twitch under the scrutiny.
"Eyes front and center." He ordered as he worked down his arms.
"How about hands?" He asked, reaching out to stroke down Nick's lean torso.
"No hands, keep them to yourself." He replied jumping out of the way taking one in his hand to work on it.
Giving in, he rested his head on the armrest as his muscles were slowly worked on, one at a time. His eyes closing, he let himself drift into a pleasant state of semi-awareness, trusting Nick to take care of him.
Nick worked slowly diligently, taking care of him protectively and pressing a kiss on Cal's lower back when he was done.
His breathing having evened out, he murmured sleepily. "Done? Do I'hafta move now?"
“Not if you don't want.” He replied sitting on the floor leaning back against the couch.
He scouted as far back as possible on the small couch, making some more space and opened his arms. "come?"
He glanced over at him before smiling suddenly. "I did, three times already." He chuckled but climbed up off the floor anyway.
"Mmm you did?" He asked, his pleasantly numb brain not getting the bad pun.
He rolled his eyes and pulled Cal off the couch. “Come on, more room on the bed." He replied leading him.
"No...said I didn't have to move...mean" Cal pouted.
"Yes I am I'm a mean Major. Up you get." He replied pulling him.
"Fine," he whined, wrapping his long arms around the major's shoulders. "Lift me?" He asked, trying to wrap his legs around him too.
He chuckled softly. "Cal come on, your legs don't work now." He asked lifting him up anyway with a grunt.
"My big, strong marine." He sighed softly, reluctantly opening his eyes to see the effort in Nick's expression.
"MMhmm." Lorne's face was tight every muscle strained as he toddled to the bed trying to get Cal there before his arms gave out. He looked so adorable, eyes and mouth screwed up in concentration. Cal had to leaned in a little closer and kiss the tip of his nose.
“Not...helping.” Lorne got out before dumping him on the bed in an ungainly heap
The bed was warm and soft, counteracting the careless way he was tossed onto it. Burrowing into the blanket, shirt, jeans, socks and shoes still on, he drew Nick close to him, kissing him sleepily. His mind and body exhausted, he fought off sleep long enough to look Nick straight in the eyes and whisper "I love you". His voice turning sleep heavy and child-like again he added "poke me, if I go back to not telling you often enough."
Nick smiled softly. "I know," He whispered gently running his hand over his brow. "I know." With Nick comforting him, he let sleep claim him. Nick smiled pulling off his shoes and socks sliding off his jeans and tucking him in.