"Wise Up" 2/?
Author's Note: Hi there, sorry I didn't get this one written and posted sooner. I've had a lot going on in my life and then the past week I've been sick with a nasty viral infection, so writing hasn't been my top priority. I'm not sure if I completely like this chapter but, ehh I'm posting it. There's no dialogue between the McMarrieds, it's all internalized. Comments and (constructive) criticism are appreciated. Enjoy and hopefully chapter 3 won't take two weeks!
Title: Wise Up ch. 2
Rating: PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.
Summary: End of season two, with my own spin on things.
Disclaimer: Fanfiction, only. No infrigement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own Grey's Anatomy.
In case any of you are interested in hearing the song, "Wise Up" by Aimee Mann
Chapter One
Addison didn’t feel any better as the day progressed. If anything, she felt worse. She had the power nap, but didn’t have time to eat anything substantial, so that didn’t help matters. In between surgeries, she rushed to the ladies’ room and got sick, even though there was nothing in her stomach to release. She felt horrible and she knew she looked horrible.
Sickness aside, Addison was still wondering about her husband and his mistress-former?-arguing at the vet’s and then in the elevator the other morning. She didn’t want to brood over it, but it was unnerving the way they were acting. Like they were having a lover’s quarrel. Of course when she had tried to ask him about it, he brushed her away, saying "Not now, Addison." She really hated that phrase. And the way he said it, his tone was so condescending. Not now. Dismissive. Hell, she even hated the way "Addison" rolled off his tongue. So resentful. Usually attached with a sigh. (If she was lucky; sometimes she got the sigh and the eye-roll.) "We’ll talk later, Addison" was another good one. Liar. He never wanted to talk to her. Certainly not about Meredith and definitely not about them and their relationship. If they even had one anymore. Sometimes, Addison honestly didn’t know if they did.
It certainly felt one-sided much of the time. Derek hadn’t once asked her how she felt the past couple of days and she knew he knew she wasn’t feeling well. He didn’t ask her how she felt; he didn’t ask her how work was going. Addison couldn’t remember the last time Derek had inquired about one of her cases and shown a genuine interest in it. When was the last time he watched from the galley when she performed a surgery? She didn't think she'd seen him do it once in Seattle. Yet she still watched him, supported him. Took an interest in his cases and his patients, in him. Hell, he didn’t seem phased with the lawsuit looming over her head, the one that came courtesy of Karev. At least the Chief asked her about it and was on her side, supporting her. But her own husband? He couldn’t be bothered. Just like he couldn’t be bothered to tell her he loved her. When was the last time he’d said those words to her? Addison didn’t recall, it had to have been sometime in New York, well before the (as she called it in her head, because it was easier that way) Mark incident. Nearly a year. Many would ask her why she was still in this "relationship" that wasn’t quite a relationship, when her partner, her husband couldn’t say that he loved her, yet he could admit love for his 12-year-old intern.
Shuddering, Addison wondered if perhaps Mark was right. Perhaps there was nothing salvageable about her marriage. And that prospect, that truly frightened her, to think that she failed at something so important. Addison hated to fail at things; she’d never failed a test or a class, but this? Her marriage was more important than that. Yes, she’d done something awful, but hadn’t he repaid her in full? He had his fling with his YOUNG lusty intern. She was living in a fucking trailer in the middle of nowhere! Didn’t that count for anything? Didn’t the fact that she picked up her entire life and moved to Seattle where it rained non-stop and smelled like fish (and the thought of fish made her want to puke again) mean anything? She gave up so much. Her practice. Which she had worked damn hard for. Her co-workers who respected her. Who didn't judge her like the interns, hell like everyone, judged her here because she was the evil adulteress who stole McDreamy from Grey. Her friends, chief among them, Savvy and Weiss. And Savvy probably needed her right now, more than ever and yet she was thousands of miles away from her. What friends did she have in Seattle? There was the Chief-Richard-and Adele, of course, but it wasn't quite the same. Besides, they were going through their own marital turmoil. Addison supposed she could count Miranda Bailey as a friend, what with everything they'd been through together. But Bailey wasn't Savvy. Her family, she left them behind. Her beloved father, her extended family, her in-laws, all in New York and the tri-state area. She missed them so much. Especially Mama Shepherd and the girls who were as much her sisters as Derek's. Oh, they hated what she had done (and with whom), but they didn't hate her and they still treated her like family. They called her on her birthday, sent her Christmas cards. In Seattle, the only family Addison had was Derek. And he wasn't acting very familial to her lately.
But Derek didn’t seem to notice or if he did, he didn’t care. So why didn’t he just sign those damn papers when she’d given them to him, months ago?
And hell, she had given up a man who did love or, or so Mark claimed but one was never sure with him. He seemed sincere about it, and he probably did, or at least he probably thought he did, because really, what kind of man would sleep with his best friend’s wife if there wasn’t something there (and Addison wasn’t in the mood to contemplate about what kind of woman would sleep with her husband’s best friend at the moment)? But he cheated on her. Which was fitting, the cheater is cheated on by the guy she cheated with. Her life was a fucking soap opera.
This was all running in her head when she ran into said 12-year-old intern in an on-call room and Addison couldn’t help but blurt out the question that had been on her mind for days but one whose answer she was afraid of: are you sleeping with my husband?
The intern blinked in surprise-it was what she did best-and sputtered out that of course she wasn’t sleeping with him, not anymore, not since she found out that he was married, and for good measure, she added that she was seeing (sleeping with?) the vet. Surprised, Addison accepted that and left, but she was still left with questions. So Grey and the Vet (and Addison bet that she had some cutesy Mc name for him, like McVet or McCutie) were dating? That made things clearer in some respects, particularly the looks Derek had given Dandridge the other morning when they were there to talk about Doc. He was jealous. Derek was jealous of the vet, because he was undoubtedly sleeping with the intern, which Derek wanted to be doing. Addison was sickened by that truth.
And confused by the juxtaposition of that Derek, the cold, aloof, adulterer Derek with another Derek. With Derek not signing those divorce papers. With Derek giving her one of those smiles that used to make her heart flutter (and if she were being honest, still did). She wouldn’t call it his "McDreamy" smile because he was never McDreamy to her. He was simply Derek, the love of her life. Or when he brought her Juju before a risky procedure. Only he understood what Juju was. Or the way he acted when she had that damn rash-sure he’d laughed and teased her about it for weeks, but he was also caring towards her and he made sure it was taken care of and he wasn’t afraid to be intimate with her because of it, in fact he seemed friskier afterwards. More recently, he came home from work on a hellish day and he looked at her with lust, something he hadn’t in a while and he told her he wanted to have hot shower sex with her and they did, over and over that night and the next morning and oh god it was good and they were still right together, in that sense, they still fit and they were still Derek and Addison. He told her he was "working on it." He admitted that he was partly to blame for the state of their marriage. All wasn’t lost, so why was she a jumbled mess where they were concerned?
Derek had done his best to avoid his wife that day. It was nothing new, avoiding her had become something he was quite adept at, hell if he was being honest, he gained that skill in New York. He'd seen her in the halls on occasion and he saw how worn-down she was. She looked terrible. Exhausted, sick, completely miserable. But she didn't say anything to him and he didn't say anything to her. He was being a complete asshole where Addison was concerned and he didn't quite know how it happened or how to stop it. How long could he keep up this treatment of her before she gave in? Was that what he was doing-testing her? To see if she'd stick it out with him or run off home to New York and to Mark? Did he want her to do that? Set him free? Free of the marriage, of the adultery, of the pain and betrayal, free to be with Meredith Grey? Or did he really want to see how much she loved him and was willing to put up with, to fight for their marriage? In a way, he had to admire her tenacity. Since she first showed up in the hospital to announce the arrival of Dr. Derek Shepherd's wife, Derek had been awful to her.
And yet, for whatever reason, she stayed. At first he thought it was out of guilt, but the longer she stayed and put up with him, the more he knew it wasn't just guilt. She gave him those divorce papers months ago, she was ready to cut him free so he could go to his intern, but he wasn't ready to give her up. Addison's family, he'd told Meredith. While that was true, he certainly hadn't treated her like one treats family. His mother…she would be so ashamed of him, if she knew how he was acting. She would tell him that she and his father did not raise their son to be such a coward, such a heartless man to his wife. They didn't raise him to ignore his wife, to take her for granted. And yet he had. As much as his mother was upset with what Addison and Mark had done, she told him on more than one occasion that he'd played a part in this two. "It takes two to make or break a marriage, Derek. You're not exactly innocent." She was right. Nancy? His sister whom he was closest to would smack him if she were there and knew how he was treating her favorite (and only) sister-in-law. Addison may not have been a Shepherd by blood, but that didn't matter to his mother or his sisters. They all loved Addison and treated her like one of their own. His nephews and nieces adored her. Hell, she'd delivered several of them. That alone was enough to give her a lifetime invite to the Shepherd family Thanksgiving. But Derek ignored the nagging voices of his mother and sisters that invaded his head from time-to-time. He hadn't kept in touch with them very much these past months.
So Derek established that he was a shitty husband, son, and brother. That acknowledgment didn't exactly change matters. He didn't know what would. Would there be a breaking point where Addison finally said "enough is enough, Derek I quit?" Or would she keep trying? Would he let her? When Mark had come to check up on things, Derek had been so sure that he was there to take his wife back home. After all, Mark had a lot to offer Addison: home, friends, her old job, her co-workers, and finally himself. Yes, Mark Sloan claimed to be in love with his wife. When in the hell had that happened and how the hell hadn't Derek recognized the signs from his best friend? So Mark loved Addison, he probably told her that Derek didn't, their marriage wouldn't survive, so come to New York with me. Derek never asked and Addison never supplied, but he was certain that Mark had asked her to return back to New York with him. And yet, she didn't. She stayed behind in Seattle, where she had no family, few friends, co-workers who gossiped about her, and a husband who couldn't tell her he loved her.
Wasn't that proof of her love for him? To turn down everything-and everyone-that New York had to offer? And that being the case, shouldn't he as her husband be grateful?
Running his hands through his thick, jet-black hair, Derek didn't have any answers. Not for himself, not for Addison, and not for Meredith. Meredith who was sleeping with the vet, of all people! She really had some nerve. First she sleeps with George-O'Malley-her best friend who carried a torch for her, and then she moves on to Doc's vet. There was something seriously wrong with that behavior.
You're sure there's a cure
And you have finally found it
You think one drink
will shrink you 'til
you're underground and living down
But it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up
Title: Wise Up ch. 2
Rating: PG-13, I guess. Adult themes. Some swearing.
Summary: End of season two, with my own spin on things.
Disclaimer: Fanfiction, only. No infrigement intended. ABC, Touchstone Television, Shonda and Co. own Grey's Anatomy.
In case any of you are interested in hearing the song, "Wise Up" by Aimee Mann
Chapter One
Addison didn’t feel any better as the day progressed. If anything, she felt worse. She had the power nap, but didn’t have time to eat anything substantial, so that didn’t help matters. In between surgeries, she rushed to the ladies’ room and got sick, even though there was nothing in her stomach to release. She felt horrible and she knew she looked horrible.
Sickness aside, Addison was still wondering about her husband and his mistress-former?-arguing at the vet’s and then in the elevator the other morning. She didn’t want to brood over it, but it was unnerving the way they were acting. Like they were having a lover’s quarrel. Of course when she had tried to ask him about it, he brushed her away, saying "Not now, Addison." She really hated that phrase. And the way he said it, his tone was so condescending. Not now. Dismissive. Hell, she even hated the way "Addison" rolled off his tongue. So resentful. Usually attached with a sigh. (If she was lucky; sometimes she got the sigh and the eye-roll.) "We’ll talk later, Addison" was another good one. Liar. He never wanted to talk to her. Certainly not about Meredith and definitely not about them and their relationship. If they even had one anymore. Sometimes, Addison honestly didn’t know if they did.
It certainly felt one-sided much of the time. Derek hadn’t once asked her how she felt the past couple of days and she knew he knew she wasn’t feeling well. He didn’t ask her how she felt; he didn’t ask her how work was going. Addison couldn’t remember the last time Derek had inquired about one of her cases and shown a genuine interest in it. When was the last time he watched from the galley when she performed a surgery? She didn't think she'd seen him do it once in Seattle. Yet she still watched him, supported him. Took an interest in his cases and his patients, in him. Hell, he didn’t seem phased with the lawsuit looming over her head, the one that came courtesy of Karev. At least the Chief asked her about it and was on her side, supporting her. But her own husband? He couldn’t be bothered. Just like he couldn’t be bothered to tell her he loved her. When was the last time he’d said those words to her? Addison didn’t recall, it had to have been sometime in New York, well before the (as she called it in her head, because it was easier that way) Mark incident. Nearly a year. Many would ask her why she was still in this "relationship" that wasn’t quite a relationship, when her partner, her husband couldn’t say that he loved her, yet he could admit love for his 12-year-old intern.
Shuddering, Addison wondered if perhaps Mark was right. Perhaps there was nothing salvageable about her marriage. And that prospect, that truly frightened her, to think that she failed at something so important. Addison hated to fail at things; she’d never failed a test or a class, but this? Her marriage was more important than that. Yes, she’d done something awful, but hadn’t he repaid her in full? He had his fling with his YOUNG lusty intern. She was living in a fucking trailer in the middle of nowhere! Didn’t that count for anything? Didn’t the fact that she picked up her entire life and moved to Seattle where it rained non-stop and smelled like fish (and the thought of fish made her want to puke again) mean anything? She gave up so much. Her practice. Which she had worked damn hard for. Her co-workers who respected her. Who didn't judge her like the interns, hell like everyone, judged her here because she was the evil adulteress who stole McDreamy from Grey. Her friends, chief among them, Savvy and Weiss. And Savvy probably needed her right now, more than ever and yet she was thousands of miles away from her. What friends did she have in Seattle? There was the Chief-Richard-and Adele, of course, but it wasn't quite the same. Besides, they were going through their own marital turmoil. Addison supposed she could count Miranda Bailey as a friend, what with everything they'd been through together. But Bailey wasn't Savvy. Her family, she left them behind. Her beloved father, her extended family, her in-laws, all in New York and the tri-state area. She missed them so much. Especially Mama Shepherd and the girls who were as much her sisters as Derek's. Oh, they hated what she had done (and with whom), but they didn't hate her and they still treated her like family. They called her on her birthday, sent her Christmas cards. In Seattle, the only family Addison had was Derek. And he wasn't acting very familial to her lately.
But Derek didn’t seem to notice or if he did, he didn’t care. So why didn’t he just sign those damn papers when she’d given them to him, months ago?
And hell, she had given up a man who did love or, or so Mark claimed but one was never sure with him. He seemed sincere about it, and he probably did, or at least he probably thought he did, because really, what kind of man would sleep with his best friend’s wife if there wasn’t something there (and Addison wasn’t in the mood to contemplate about what kind of woman would sleep with her husband’s best friend at the moment)? But he cheated on her. Which was fitting, the cheater is cheated on by the guy she cheated with. Her life was a fucking soap opera.
This was all running in her head when she ran into said 12-year-old intern in an on-call room and Addison couldn’t help but blurt out the question that had been on her mind for days but one whose answer she was afraid of: are you sleeping with my husband?
The intern blinked in surprise-it was what she did best-and sputtered out that of course she wasn’t sleeping with him, not anymore, not since she found out that he was married, and for good measure, she added that she was seeing (sleeping with?) the vet. Surprised, Addison accepted that and left, but she was still left with questions. So Grey and the Vet (and Addison bet that she had some cutesy Mc name for him, like McVet or McCutie) were dating? That made things clearer in some respects, particularly the looks Derek had given Dandridge the other morning when they were there to talk about Doc. He was jealous. Derek was jealous of the vet, because he was undoubtedly sleeping with the intern, which Derek wanted to be doing. Addison was sickened by that truth.
And confused by the juxtaposition of that Derek, the cold, aloof, adulterer Derek with another Derek. With Derek not signing those divorce papers. With Derek giving her one of those smiles that used to make her heart flutter (and if she were being honest, still did). She wouldn’t call it his "McDreamy" smile because he was never McDreamy to her. He was simply Derek, the love of her life. Or when he brought her Juju before a risky procedure. Only he understood what Juju was. Or the way he acted when she had that damn rash-sure he’d laughed and teased her about it for weeks, but he was also caring towards her and he made sure it was taken care of and he wasn’t afraid to be intimate with her because of it, in fact he seemed friskier afterwards. More recently, he came home from work on a hellish day and he looked at her with lust, something he hadn’t in a while and he told her he wanted to have hot shower sex with her and they did, over and over that night and the next morning and oh god it was good and they were still right together, in that sense, they still fit and they were still Derek and Addison. He told her he was "working on it." He admitted that he was partly to blame for the state of their marriage. All wasn’t lost, so why was she a jumbled mess where they were concerned?
Derek had done his best to avoid his wife that day. It was nothing new, avoiding her had become something he was quite adept at, hell if he was being honest, he gained that skill in New York. He'd seen her in the halls on occasion and he saw how worn-down she was. She looked terrible. Exhausted, sick, completely miserable. But she didn't say anything to him and he didn't say anything to her. He was being a complete asshole where Addison was concerned and he didn't quite know how it happened or how to stop it. How long could he keep up this treatment of her before she gave in? Was that what he was doing-testing her? To see if she'd stick it out with him or run off home to New York and to Mark? Did he want her to do that? Set him free? Free of the marriage, of the adultery, of the pain and betrayal, free to be with Meredith Grey? Or did he really want to see how much she loved him and was willing to put up with, to fight for their marriage? In a way, he had to admire her tenacity. Since she first showed up in the hospital to announce the arrival of Dr. Derek Shepherd's wife, Derek had been awful to her.
And yet, for whatever reason, she stayed. At first he thought it was out of guilt, but the longer she stayed and put up with him, the more he knew it wasn't just guilt. She gave him those divorce papers months ago, she was ready to cut him free so he could go to his intern, but he wasn't ready to give her up. Addison's family, he'd told Meredith. While that was true, he certainly hadn't treated her like one treats family. His mother…she would be so ashamed of him, if she knew how he was acting. She would tell him that she and his father did not raise their son to be such a coward, such a heartless man to his wife. They didn't raise him to ignore his wife, to take her for granted. And yet he had. As much as his mother was upset with what Addison and Mark had done, she told him on more than one occasion that he'd played a part in this two. "It takes two to make or break a marriage, Derek. You're not exactly innocent." She was right. Nancy? His sister whom he was closest to would smack him if she were there and knew how he was treating her favorite (and only) sister-in-law. Addison may not have been a Shepherd by blood, but that didn't matter to his mother or his sisters. They all loved Addison and treated her like one of their own. His nephews and nieces adored her. Hell, she'd delivered several of them. That alone was enough to give her a lifetime invite to the Shepherd family Thanksgiving. But Derek ignored the nagging voices of his mother and sisters that invaded his head from time-to-time. He hadn't kept in touch with them very much these past months.
So Derek established that he was a shitty husband, son, and brother. That acknowledgment didn't exactly change matters. He didn't know what would. Would there be a breaking point where Addison finally said "enough is enough, Derek I quit?" Or would she keep trying? Would he let her? When Mark had come to check up on things, Derek had been so sure that he was there to take his wife back home. After all, Mark had a lot to offer Addison: home, friends, her old job, her co-workers, and finally himself. Yes, Mark Sloan claimed to be in love with his wife. When in the hell had that happened and how the hell hadn't Derek recognized the signs from his best friend? So Mark loved Addison, he probably told her that Derek didn't, their marriage wouldn't survive, so come to New York with me. Derek never asked and Addison never supplied, but he was certain that Mark had asked her to return back to New York with him. And yet, she didn't. She stayed behind in Seattle, where she had no family, few friends, co-workers who gossiped about her, and a husband who couldn't tell her he loved her.
Wasn't that proof of her love for him? To turn down everything-and everyone-that New York had to offer? And that being the case, shouldn't he as her husband be grateful?
Running his hands through his thick, jet-black hair, Derek didn't have any answers. Not for himself, not for Addison, and not for Meredith. Meredith who was sleeping with the vet, of all people! She really had some nerve. First she sleeps with George-O'Malley-her best friend who carried a torch for her, and then she moves on to Doc's vet. There was something seriously wrong with that behavior.
You're sure there's a cure
And you have finally found it
You think one drink
will shrink you 'til
you're underground and living down
But it's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
It's not going to stop
'Til you wise up