i feel like Ester in Sylvia Plath's The Bell Jar, without the suicidal tendencies. 

I use my foot to brace my body in this slightly awkward and very comfortable position - slip, slip, almost fall - jerky motions, parallel with my usual stop-n-go clumsiness. My feet are sweating just enough to remind me of hot and sultry nights that I’ve never felt only dreamed about, like the way I dream of riding on trains and kissing strangers ( Read more... )

haha, this evening was fun.  got SO FUCKING LOST downtown with ali>>trying to get home from downtown, that is. LOL. ridiculous.

ate with jacqueline at UofH.  had coffee at Kaveh Kane with tina + jac.  went to Helios for open mic poetry.  tried to find the 24hr sbux on westheimer.  didnt find it.  [insert over 1.5 hours of driving in the wrong ( Read more... )

the cheap $1.39 coffee is keeping me awake, both sugarless, creamless cups of it -- so i will vent, for i have a few things i need to type to myself about.  i dont know why i like drinking coffee after the sun has gone down -- it leaves me with a restless wakefulness -- closed-eyed-racing-wandering-mind::i jog through the bowels of my inner ( Read more... )

1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. Bold the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don’t bold is false.

01. I miss somebody right now
02. I don’t watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games
08. I’ve tried marijuana
09. I’ve ( Read more... )

they both answer with identical messages, both too late, though one later than the other.  they don't care.  this bothers me.

how cute.  he's rubbing off on her.

ali wrote me: "so how's niki's love life? any boys you're giving CDs to? lol. following abbie's footsteps, as it were."  my response: "ha! what love life?" lol. and giving CDs to boys ( Read more... )

against me was fucking awesome. live they sound just like the cd. it's great. i just wish i had gotten in the middle of the moshing and whatnot, but it was fun nonetheless. they didn't play "baby, im an anarchist" though -- i really wanted to hear it.  i got hit on by a very drunken short mexican guy, who then preceeded to vomit at the bar, get ( Read more... )

Do you ever look around you and find that everything has suddenly become clear -- and you look at the people and the room, and you realize that you no longer belong?  Fitting in is now an obvious act, rather than something natural.  That has been happening to me a lot lately.  I look around me, and though I am part of the group and part of the ( Read more... )

i feel odd. i feel like a newspaper nerd. oh wait, thats cuz i am. deadlines keep me sane; deadlines drive me insane.  its a wonderfully odd feeling. more than mildly stressed out.  but other than complaining a lot, most of the time, i feel remarkably close to un-stressed. i think thats why i feel so odd. it's all quite surreal. i feel so much more ( Read more... )

Everybody’s gone home, and this time, instead of feeling contentedly empty, I feel mildly relieved and quite full ( Read more... )