In Her Eyes - 012
One more day to think about things.
It's awkward to talk to Inuart about things of the past. It's odd to speak with him and not have an overwhelming hatred boil in my veins. Have I lost my edge? Have I released my ability to properly harness my strength? Because of Furiae, am I lowering my defenses? Or is it because of Inuart? I cannot quite forget what he said. I was his closest friend when we were younger. Yes... I suppose I was. And he was mine. We'd had everything planned out, hadn't we...?
Furiae has been more... open as of recent. I find it difficult to discuss matters of greater importance with her. I am unable to look past the idea that she is my younger sister. It is far more complicated to speak with her as though she was simply a woman, rather than the princess of the Union lands. I don't know how I'm going to overcome this. The anxious flutters she feels because of me and each time we grow close, I am incapable of passing that threshold. What will I do about this? What can I do? It is not as though I could not perform the duties of a man to a woman. Because it is of my accord, could it be that the honorable thing would be to take her as my wife? ... Perhaps I should take Furiae away from here for the weekend and simply elope.
Lords Zalbag and Edge... I do not know what I think of them either. This admiration... It is simply an admiration, yes? Books would say that an admiration is a paved pathway toward something more. Pray be that such an ideal remains in books alone. I do not need this.
What of K-Na? He deserves something more than my repeated blade pressed to his throat. The number of times I have threatened him. I feel remorse. I feel regret. I feel pathetic. Perhaps. I should speak with him as well. He should receive at least that much.
This kid... The one who stares at me in the hotdog place... He really isn't so bad. Prone to anger and sadness, just like anyone else. I may be too quick to stir to anger, or to cause intimidation. Or perhaps everyone simply sees me as a fool.
Last, of course, is Alexandra. Cassandra Alexandra. What am I going to do about you? The more I don't think about you, the more I do. Is it a fear of what you may do? Is it the uncertainty I read in my sister's eyes? What have you done...?
...I may need more time.
It's awkward to talk to Inuart about things of the past. It's odd to speak with him and not have an overwhelming hatred boil in my veins. Have I lost my edge? Have I released my ability to properly harness my strength? Because of Furiae, am I lowering my defenses? Or is it because of Inuart? I cannot quite forget what he said. I was his closest friend when we were younger. Yes... I suppose I was. And he was mine. We'd had everything planned out, hadn't we...?
Furiae has been more... open as of recent. I find it difficult to discuss matters of greater importance with her. I am unable to look past the idea that she is my younger sister. It is far more complicated to speak with her as though she was simply a woman, rather than the princess of the Union lands. I don't know how I'm going to overcome this. The anxious flutters she feels because of me and each time we grow close, I am incapable of passing that threshold. What will I do about this? What can I do? It is not as though I could not perform the duties of a man to a woman. Because it is of my accord, could it be that the honorable thing would be to take her as my wife? ... Perhaps I should take Furiae away from here for the weekend and simply elope.
Lords Zalbag and Edge... I do not know what I think of them either. This admiration... It is simply an admiration, yes? Books would say that an admiration is a paved pathway toward something more. Pray be that such an ideal remains in books alone. I do not need this.
What of K-Na? He deserves something more than my repeated blade pressed to his throat. The number of times I have threatened him. I feel remorse. I feel regret. I feel pathetic. Perhaps. I should speak with him as well. He should receive at least that much.
This kid... The one who stares at me in the hotdog place... He really isn't so bad. Prone to anger and sadness, just like anyone else. I may be too quick to stir to anger, or to cause intimidation. Or perhaps everyone simply sees me as a fool.
Last, of course, is Alexandra. Cassandra Alexandra. What am I going to do about you? The more I don't think about you, the more I do. Is it a fear of what you may do? Is it the uncertainty I read in my sister's eyes? What have you done...?
...I may need more time.