DJ got me falling in Love- Thirty Six
Because the love you shared is too fast, too much. Like a hiccup, that's what it is. Temporary, involuntary, an interruption to the otherwise mundane life.
Even though you've prepped yourself, you are still not ready for the onslaught of emotions when you finally see the boy, dressed formal in all black attire. No sunglasses.
He looks skinnier, face taut with a tired look, jawlines more pronounced. Still attractive, by the way. But he seems to be moving as like the apparition in your nightmare, lifeless and sad. And you wonder if it's not all your imagination again.
But it's real.
Albeit you are standing a good several feet away from the procession, the cold biting into your cheap cashmere reminds you that he's truly there. He's there and all you have to do is go forward and you can touch him, but you remember Baekhyun's warning, so you don't.
The ceremony is simple. A pastor leads the 30 or so congregation in a hymns session, ending with a prayer. Then one by one, each of them throws a flower into the dug out hole where the coffin lays.
When all of them are done, they gather and heads bow in silence for a minute or so.
Then the coffin is closed.
Some people are crying. Baekhyun squeezes Kyungsoo's shoulder and you can see him lowering his head.
He's fighting back tears.
And at that instant, all you want to do is wrap your arms around him and tell him, "it's ok..." but you can only watch on and repress your own emotions.
Who are you to offer him comfort at this point of time?
When the crowd scatters after an hour, you see Baekhyun leading Kyungsoo away from the cemetery.
Taking a deep breath, you gather enough courage to walk towards the tomb, flowers in hand.
You hope she likes white lilies.
As you near the resting place, you kneel down and performs a formal bow.
"Grandma... " You set the white lilies down among the other flower wreaths. "Gaeun is here to see you. I'm sorry for not making it before, I hope you understand. And here..."
You reach into your pocket and brings out the half golden sphere necklace.
"I kept my end of the promise..." Playing with the sphere a bit, you slip it into a white envelope and starts digging out a small hole near the coffin to put it in.
When the envelope is properly covered under the dirt, you turn to the tomb again.
"Thank you for making me your grand daughter-in-law. I'm sorry for failing you. And if..." You choke back a sob. "If you ever see my grandmother and parents, tell them that I'm doing well. I'm working hard and... Please watch over us."
You bow again and leaves quietly with a heavy heart.
________________
"Wait, I forgot something." Kyungsoo stops when he reaches his car.
"What is it?" Baekhyun asks with a frown.
"I think I left some documents back there. You guys go first, I'll go get it." He starts to turn around.
"Do you want me to go with you?"
"It's alright, you've got a flight to catch later on right?"
The singer nods.
"Then go, I'll be fine."
"Give me a call when you get back!" His friend hollers.
Kyungsoo lets out a weak smile and waves.
When he gets to the tomb, he spots a bouquet of white lilies that wasn't there before.
There's also some white sticking out from under the dirt and when he pries it out, he notices it's an envelope. He opens it and is surprised to see the half golden sphere necklace.
His grandmother has shown him that exactly once. And he remembers about the promise.
Realization strikes him and he suddenly stands, turning frantically to see where you've gone to.
"Gaeun-ah..."
He whispers, but you're not seen anywhere.
Clutching the envelope tighter, he wonders if he'll ever see you again.
_____________
The next few days pass in a blur.
You settle into a routine of sleep-work-eat.
It's the routine that keeps you sane.
You force yourself to concentrate on the work at hand, bringing in another case that makes it to the headlines the same month. However, when Kris praises you, you don't find the same contentment in it anymore.
Chen's case is well underway, and the more you find out, the more you realize how Kris's initial inhibition was valid. These people are dangerous. There's more than a few occurrences of reporters being hurt and you know one of them is still MIA, prompting you to exercise more caution.
Days turn into weeks, and suddenly, the malls are painted bright red and green, reminding people that Christmas is near. Time for all glad tidings.
You just continue to work.
Errant thoughts of the male persist, usually in the middle of sleepless nights. And you cry, sobbing quietly into the pillows so that your brother won't hear you.
You meet up over drinks with Shinae (you still don't consume alcohol, only coffees and teas), but unlike the breakup with Jongdae, it doesn't alleviate any of your woes this time.
She pats you and tells you "we should go Christmas shopping", because your pants are getting looser (from the weight loss), but you always decline. Though Madam Park has sponsored Youngjae's operation anyway (you know that through her lawyer, bless that woman), you still feel obliged to keep a tight rein on your spending somehow.
It's also during those nights you wonder if this relationship is anything but a mistake.
It could be.
Because the love you shared is too fast, too much. Like a hiccup, that's what it is. Temporary, involuntary, an interruption to the otherwise mundane life.
But then you remember his smile, his warmth, his soft words when he takes you and you have to sob again.
If this is love, in it's rawest sense, you are still willing to accept it. Even though it hurts, even though it tears you apart, because if it's truly a mistake, it's the most beautiful mistake you'll ever make in your entire life.
You're just not sure it's a mistake you can live with.
_______________
A few days before Christmas, you got a breakthrough on Chen's case.
The big shot millionaire you're following is one of the shady hosts of ES Entertainment. Shrouded in the name of business partner, he's actually one of the key personnel in the social escort dealings and there's going to be some trade in Jeju island on Christmas Eve.
You are following the guy along the streets of Sincheong when you suddenly lost track of him.
"Shit!" You curse and dials Zitao's number.
"Tao, where are you?"
"Noona, I lost him as well. He seemed to disappear from our line of sight all at once." His voice is urgent, but the accent is no longer there.
"Check around. This is the second time we lost him and if we can catch him in action, it'd be all the evidence we need."
"Got it."
He hangs up and you slouch, leaning against the nearest wall.
You haven't slept for the past 36 hours or so and the weariness is starting to take it's toil on you.
Deciding to find a coffee shop to perk yourself up, you plod on, ignoring the cold seeping through your coat.
You pass a donation booth where they are selling some Christmas gifts. Stopping to look, a young lady approaches you.
"Hello Miss! Do you want to take a look at these key chains? They are made by the inmates of XX Rehabilitation center. We are helping them to get back into the society, would you like to support this cause?"
You glance at the plastic keychain with the carved out word "Love".
"How much is it?"
"It's two dollars each, Miss. Everybody deserves a second chance, don't you think?"
A second chance huh?
Silently, you take out your wallet and fishes out the money, much to the profuse thanks of the young lady.
Dangling the key chain in your hand, you head back to the office.
It's going to be yet another cold, lonely night.
______________
"What are you still doing here?" Kris asks when he's about to leave the office.
He glimpses at the time. It's 8:20 p.m.
"If I remember correctly, you were following that Kim guy and hasn't slept since yesterday. How long have you been awake?"
You peer up briefly from the computer.
"Why? You never ask when I clock late hours."
Kris gives a heavy sigh before he props himself on the edge of your table.
"Gaeun ah, do you remember when you first came into the company?"
You blink, this time looking properly at him.
"Yeah?"
"Even though you barely have any experience in journalism, I still took you in. Do you know why?"
You shake your head slowly.
"You remind me of myself." He gives a crooked smile. And then suddenly, his eyes seem to glaze over, as if he's replaying something in his mind.
"When Kabloid first started out, there's only two people. Me, and my girlfriend. We began with great aspirations, wanting to uncover the dirty deeds of the world, bring forth justice and all that righteous shit. So we employed a small team of people, and it went well, at first. Then she met with a car accident, and things just wasn't the same without her anymore.
I don't really care about fairness, or anything else for that matter, after she's gone. What is fair? When the only love of my life has been taken away? I wallowed in my own misery, mourning for her every day from then on. Kabloid still needs to survive, there's a team of people I need to feed. But I don't draw restrictions anymore, allowing them to do whatever they want to, cover whatever story they deem fit.
Until you came along. And you're just... Different? You know? The proposals that you gave me are decent. They have a strong sense of righteousness behind it. You don't do the sleazy and sensational ones. In some ways, you remind me of her."
He pauses and slants you a glance.
"Too bad you're not my type."
The two of you let out a mutual laugh as he continues.
"Most importantly, you look like... You're sad, just like me."
"So you took me in because... I look sad?"
Kris sniggers.
"I took you in because I think work can help with your sadness, like what it did for me."
You give him a small smile.
"But then three months ago, suddenly you aren't sad anymore. You come into the office looking alive, you smile more, talk more... And you baked bread..."
The two of you chuckle over that memory.
"It was great. Whoever caused that change in you, is a good person. A person you need to keep."
You fall silent at that.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is, if this is the person you want to spend your life time with, go get him. Unlike me, this person is still alive, you can still make a difference."
"What if..." You begin, voice a bit hoarse. "What if it doesn't work out?"
"Then maybe it's not meant to be." He shrugs. "And Gaeun, I know you're legally married to this guy. If it doesn't work out, you probably should consider going your separate ways. Give each other a second chance, set each other free, whatever you call it, you know?"
A second chance? Set each other free?
You swallow hard.
The idea of divorce has never crossed your mind, since you aren't even familiar with the notion of being married.
But this seems like the perfect way to end this limbo. You're sick of hanging in a relationship without knowing it's a no or go.
And if he really wants you, he'll fight for you, right?
Chapter 37
Even though you've prepped yourself, you are still not ready for the onslaught of emotions when you finally see the boy, dressed formal in all black attire. No sunglasses.
He looks skinnier, face taut with a tired look, jawlines more pronounced. Still attractive, by the way. But he seems to be moving as like the apparition in your nightmare, lifeless and sad. And you wonder if it's not all your imagination again.
But it's real.
Albeit you are standing a good several feet away from the procession, the cold biting into your cheap cashmere reminds you that he's truly there. He's there and all you have to do is go forward and you can touch him, but you remember Baekhyun's warning, so you don't.
The ceremony is simple. A pastor leads the 30 or so congregation in a hymns session, ending with a prayer. Then one by one, each of them throws a flower into the dug out hole where the coffin lays.
When all of them are done, they gather and heads bow in silence for a minute or so.
Then the coffin is closed.
Some people are crying. Baekhyun squeezes Kyungsoo's shoulder and you can see him lowering his head.
He's fighting back tears.
And at that instant, all you want to do is wrap your arms around him and tell him, "it's ok..." but you can only watch on and repress your own emotions.
Who are you to offer him comfort at this point of time?
When the crowd scatters after an hour, you see Baekhyun leading Kyungsoo away from the cemetery.
Taking a deep breath, you gather enough courage to walk towards the tomb, flowers in hand.
You hope she likes white lilies.
As you near the resting place, you kneel down and performs a formal bow.
"Grandma... " You set the white lilies down among the other flower wreaths. "Gaeun is here to see you. I'm sorry for not making it before, I hope you understand. And here..."
You reach into your pocket and brings out the half golden sphere necklace.
"I kept my end of the promise..." Playing with the sphere a bit, you slip it into a white envelope and starts digging out a small hole near the coffin to put it in.
When the envelope is properly covered under the dirt, you turn to the tomb again.
"Thank you for making me your grand daughter-in-law. I'm sorry for failing you. And if..." You choke back a sob. "If you ever see my grandmother and parents, tell them that I'm doing well. I'm working hard and... Please watch over us."
You bow again and leaves quietly with a heavy heart.
________________
"Wait, I forgot something." Kyungsoo stops when he reaches his car.
"What is it?" Baekhyun asks with a frown.
"I think I left some documents back there. You guys go first, I'll go get it." He starts to turn around.
"Do you want me to go with you?"
"It's alright, you've got a flight to catch later on right?"
The singer nods.
"Then go, I'll be fine."
"Give me a call when you get back!" His friend hollers.
Kyungsoo lets out a weak smile and waves.
When he gets to the tomb, he spots a bouquet of white lilies that wasn't there before.
There's also some white sticking out from under the dirt and when he pries it out, he notices it's an envelope. He opens it and is surprised to see the half golden sphere necklace.
His grandmother has shown him that exactly once. And he remembers about the promise.
Realization strikes him and he suddenly stands, turning frantically to see where you've gone to.
"Gaeun-ah..."
He whispers, but you're not seen anywhere.
Clutching the envelope tighter, he wonders if he'll ever see you again.
_____________
The next few days pass in a blur.
You settle into a routine of sleep-work-eat.
It's the routine that keeps you sane.
You force yourself to concentrate on the work at hand, bringing in another case that makes it to the headlines the same month. However, when Kris praises you, you don't find the same contentment in it anymore.
Chen's case is well underway, and the more you find out, the more you realize how Kris's initial inhibition was valid. These people are dangerous. There's more than a few occurrences of reporters being hurt and you know one of them is still MIA, prompting you to exercise more caution.
Days turn into weeks, and suddenly, the malls are painted bright red and green, reminding people that Christmas is near. Time for all glad tidings.
You just continue to work.
Errant thoughts of the male persist, usually in the middle of sleepless nights. And you cry, sobbing quietly into the pillows so that your brother won't hear you.
You meet up over drinks with Shinae (you still don't consume alcohol, only coffees and teas), but unlike the breakup with Jongdae, it doesn't alleviate any of your woes this time.
She pats you and tells you "we should go Christmas shopping", because your pants are getting looser (from the weight loss), but you always decline. Though Madam Park has sponsored Youngjae's operation anyway (you know that through her lawyer, bless that woman), you still feel obliged to keep a tight rein on your spending somehow.
It's also during those nights you wonder if this relationship is anything but a mistake.
It could be.
Because the love you shared is too fast, too much. Like a hiccup, that's what it is. Temporary, involuntary, an interruption to the otherwise mundane life.
But then you remember his smile, his warmth, his soft words when he takes you and you have to sob again.
If this is love, in it's rawest sense, you are still willing to accept it. Even though it hurts, even though it tears you apart, because if it's truly a mistake, it's the most beautiful mistake you'll ever make in your entire life.
You're just not sure it's a mistake you can live with.
_______________
A few days before Christmas, you got a breakthrough on Chen's case.
The big shot millionaire you're following is one of the shady hosts of ES Entertainment. Shrouded in the name of business partner, he's actually one of the key personnel in the social escort dealings and there's going to be some trade in Jeju island on Christmas Eve.
You are following the guy along the streets of Sincheong when you suddenly lost track of him.
"Shit!" You curse and dials Zitao's number.
"Tao, where are you?"
"Noona, I lost him as well. He seemed to disappear from our line of sight all at once." His voice is urgent, but the accent is no longer there.
"Check around. This is the second time we lost him and if we can catch him in action, it'd be all the evidence we need."
"Got it."
He hangs up and you slouch, leaning against the nearest wall.
You haven't slept for the past 36 hours or so and the weariness is starting to take it's toil on you.
Deciding to find a coffee shop to perk yourself up, you plod on, ignoring the cold seeping through your coat.
You pass a donation booth where they are selling some Christmas gifts. Stopping to look, a young lady approaches you.
"Hello Miss! Do you want to take a look at these key chains? They are made by the inmates of XX Rehabilitation center. We are helping them to get back into the society, would you like to support this cause?"
You glance at the plastic keychain with the carved out word "Love".
"How much is it?"
"It's two dollars each, Miss. Everybody deserves a second chance, don't you think?"
A second chance huh?
Silently, you take out your wallet and fishes out the money, much to the profuse thanks of the young lady.
Dangling the key chain in your hand, you head back to the office.
It's going to be yet another cold, lonely night.
______________
"What are you still doing here?" Kris asks when he's about to leave the office.
He glimpses at the time. It's 8:20 p.m.
"If I remember correctly, you were following that Kim guy and hasn't slept since yesterday. How long have you been awake?"
You peer up briefly from the computer.
"Why? You never ask when I clock late hours."
Kris gives a heavy sigh before he props himself on the edge of your table.
"Gaeun ah, do you remember when you first came into the company?"
You blink, this time looking properly at him.
"Yeah?"
"Even though you barely have any experience in journalism, I still took you in. Do you know why?"
You shake your head slowly.
"You remind me of myself." He gives a crooked smile. And then suddenly, his eyes seem to glaze over, as if he's replaying something in his mind.
"When Kabloid first started out, there's only two people. Me, and my girlfriend. We began with great aspirations, wanting to uncover the dirty deeds of the world, bring forth justice and all that righteous shit. So we employed a small team of people, and it went well, at first. Then she met with a car accident, and things just wasn't the same without her anymore.
I don't really care about fairness, or anything else for that matter, after she's gone. What is fair? When the only love of my life has been taken away? I wallowed in my own misery, mourning for her every day from then on. Kabloid still needs to survive, there's a team of people I need to feed. But I don't draw restrictions anymore, allowing them to do whatever they want to, cover whatever story they deem fit.
Until you came along. And you're just... Different? You know? The proposals that you gave me are decent. They have a strong sense of righteousness behind it. You don't do the sleazy and sensational ones. In some ways, you remind me of her."
He pauses and slants you a glance.
"Too bad you're not my type."
The two of you let out a mutual laugh as he continues.
"Most importantly, you look like... You're sad, just like me."
"So you took me in because... I look sad?"
Kris sniggers.
"I took you in because I think work can help with your sadness, like what it did for me."
You give him a small smile.
"But then three months ago, suddenly you aren't sad anymore. You come into the office looking alive, you smile more, talk more... And you baked bread..."
The two of you chuckle over that memory.
"It was great. Whoever caused that change in you, is a good person. A person you need to keep."
You fall silent at that.
"I guess what I'm trying to say is, if this is the person you want to spend your life time with, go get him. Unlike me, this person is still alive, you can still make a difference."
"What if..." You begin, voice a bit hoarse. "What if it doesn't work out?"
"Then maybe it's not meant to be." He shrugs. "And Gaeun, I know you're legally married to this guy. If it doesn't work out, you probably should consider going your separate ways. Give each other a second chance, set each other free, whatever you call it, you know?"
A second chance? Set each other free?
You swallow hard.
The idea of divorce has never crossed your mind, since you aren't even familiar with the notion of being married.
But this seems like the perfect way to end this limbo. You're sick of hanging in a relationship without knowing it's a no or go.
And if he really wants you, he'll fight for you, right?
Chapter 37