Friends with Benefits (part iii)
Kyungsoo has always been in love.
He can't pinpoint when exactly it happened, but he was signing the contract for the music producer's job when he realized his world has been revolving around you for the past 7 years or so.
It's pathetic, really, when you've never ever thought of him in that way. And probably never will.
But he didn't give up, though he was close to a couple of times, especially during high school.
There were other people out there, girls, even guys, who were interested in him. And he told himself to give it a chance. But it never worked out.
They were nice, but they were not you.
While he was calling you to inform you of his new job, the only thing running through his mind then was how his hours would coincide with yours, and how that would meant being able to spend more time with you.
That night over celebration dinner, you told him of your new crush on your colleague.
He pretended not to feel the pang when he next put the barbequed meat into his mouth, forcing himself to swallow and then filtering out into the nonchalance he always used in these circumstances,
"Oh, is it?" whilst you go on about how the guy seemed interested as well but you're wary and tired of being hurt in past relationships and "Do you think he's the one?"
You're looking at him with that usual face of expectance and the words came out differently from what his mind was coding.
Kyungsoo bit down on a piece of mushroom and said, "What do you," When will you, "think" think about "about him?" me?
It turned out that the guy too, was a jerk. He shouldn't be surprised, really.
You've always been crushing on the wrong people. People who were cool, confident, and not afraid to crush a heart as precious and delicate as yours.
He'd never do that, but Kyungsoo was afraid. He feared that once he confessed whatever feelings he's got towards you, it'd change the relationship between the two of you. What's worse, it could break the friendship. And he couldn't have that.
The friendship the two of you shared was something he couldn't ever dream of forsaking, and though it wasn't love, it was bordering on something close.
And it got closer, when he first pressed a kiss to your lips, egged on by the alcohol in his system and your open encouragement through out that night.
His heart was hammering so hard in his chest he thought you could probably hear it, the feeling that he finally tasted the pair of lips he had only been dreaming of overtaking him like a tornado wave. But then you were looking at him with the most confused expression he thought he should mitigate the situation.
"It's just a kiss. From a friend." He lied.
The reply you gave was more than enough to send a stake right through his heart.
"Best friends."
But he couldn't find it in himself to complain, to refuse, especially when the kisses continued. And it burned and fueled his hope even more, finally combusting when he took you on the night of your birthday.
He told himself he shouldn't be doing this, that you were more to him than just a warm body and releasing endorphins, and hope that he could mean the same to you too, but all his resolves and defences were broken down the moment you allowed him into your personal space, to nip, to caress, to treasure.
He was already teetering on the edge, and now he's fallen hard.
So when you told him about Chanyeol, it totally caught him offguard. He had thought this would finally lead to something, something that he's been wishing for all his life.
But then he realized he's been so foolish all along.
The two of you were never anything more than friends.
He's fallen into the cliche "friends with benefits" without him knowing. Though he probably should have guessed, but when it comes to you, sanity has never been his forte.
And so he smiled and claims back the title of "best friend", even though he's aching and breaking into a million pieces inside, and deep down, he knew he'd never ever be the same with you.
It's easier to avoid each other now, which wasn't difficult, since you're spending all your time with your new boyfriend.
Kyungsoo nursed his broken heart with work and mindless gatherings.
Which technically meant meeting up with annoying people like Baekhyun and Jongdae. They are loud and boisterous, relentless with their teasing and when Kyungsoo agreed to their invitations, it's basically admitting to his lack of social life and they wouldn't let him hear the end of it whenever they met.
However, they are still good friends and know when to shut up when needed to. And they did, when you turned up during Baekhyun's birthday gathering at the club and both guys saw the look in his eyes when you appeared.
Baekhyun was the one who introduced Minah to Kyungsoo, thinking it'd fill the void that you've left behind. But the moment you left the table to watch your boyfriend's performance and Kyungsoo's eyes were following you all the way, Baekhyun knew it was a lost cause.
"You were hung up over her since what, middle school?" He quipped when Minah excused herself to go to the washroom.
Kyungsoo gave him a tired gaze.
"We're just friends." He brought the glass to his lips, eyes flitting down momentarily but couldn't help but glance back at your figure amongst the crowd.
Baekhyun frowned.
He's always been the perceptive kind. One of the reasons they were best friends was because Kyungsoo's never the type to wear his heart on his sleeves. He keeps a lot to himself, and it takes a lot to drag things out of him. And sometimes he got hurt because of unintentional remarks or behaviors, but since he never voiced it out, other people never knew why he started distancing himself from them.
Baekhyun knew. And he's confronted Kyungsoo a few times, forcing him to tell him his displeasure, or simply giving him time to simmer it out. Over time, they became tight friends.
And at that point, Baekhyun knew Kyungsoo was lying when he said the two of you were "just friends".
Kyungsoo remained silent and Jongdae took over the situation by proposing a toast.
"To the shitty week that just ended, cheers!"
Kyungsoo downed the scorching liquid as Minah came bouncing back. Jongdae was telling him about a job opening at a pub and how they needed resident singers and he thought of Kyungsoo. The three of them were in the same music club back in high school and had done one or two stints at personal gatherings. Both of them thought he'd be perfect for the job.
It's not the first time he's suggesting the idea because Kyungsoo loved singing, but he had been spending his free time together with you more often than not prior. However, now that your time is occupied by another person, Kyungsoo was re-evaluating his choices.
It'd be a chance to finally start something that don't revolve around you.
He glimpsed once again in your direction.
You were glancing back and his heart skipped.
Kyungsoo realized he's still in love.
He always has been.
________________