Aspartame 4/8

[dokssuri]

Title: Aspartame
Pairing: ChunJae
Length: Chaptered
Summary: Jaejoong thinks he found just another sugar daddy to support him, but Yoochun is a different kind of sweet.



Jaejoong sat down opposite Junsu, who didn't seem particularly happy to see him but didn't complain.

"I've been forced to come here too," Jaejoong said.

Junsu was about to react to that when Yunho appeared at their table. He put down a cup and said: "I bought you a latte. I hope that's alright." Jaejoong nodded.

Yunho sat down and gave them both an encouraging look. "Okay," he said, "now talk and make it so we can hang out together again."

They looked at him and then at each other.

"I'm afraid I can't leave," Yunho said, "because then you might just walk away. Should I have brought something you can throw at each other?"

Junsu sighed. "We don't really have anything to say, do we?"

Jaejoong would like to talk about things, but not with someone who obviously didn't want to talk to him.

"Okay," Yunho said, "then I'm going to take a wild guess and say you finally found out where he gets his money from and you don't like it."

Jaejoong glared at Junsu. "You talked about me behind my back?"

Junsu looked very confused. "What? No. I don't gossip. I did wonder about you but I didn't discuss it with Yunho."

"But you know everything now?" Yunho asked.

"Yes, Jae told me.. wait.. did he tell you too? Did he tell you first?!"

Jaejoong received an accusing look from Junsu now. He had no idea what was going on.

"You knew?" Junsu asked Yunho.

Yunho nodded.

Jaejoong's heart beat a little faster from the shock. "How?"

Yunho gave him an apologetic look. "I may have.. stalked you a little online when we first met in class, because I thought you were hot and I was shy. I didn't know we'd become friends. But don't worry, it's not easy to find your profile if you're not a member."

Jaejoong was taken aback by that confession.

"You knew?" Junsu repeated. "And you didn't tell me?!"

Yunho was still looking at Jaejoong when he talked to Junsu. "I didn't think it was something you should hear from me. I didn't tell anyone, Jae, I'm really sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Jaejoong asked when he'd regained the ability to speak.

"It was kind of obvious that you didn't want anyone to know," Yunho said, "so I decided I'd act like there was nothing wrong and let you use us to balance out the other side of your double life."

Jaejoong didn't know if he was angry or sad or if he just didn't care. He was surprised, but somewhere he'd always known that someone would find out. He'd never expected it to be Yunho though, who mostly acted as comic relief when they were together, not at all suspicious like Junsu. Had that been deliberate?

Junsu's anger was directed completely at Yunho now. "You just let him do this?!"

"I've been worried too, but I found out before he started to push us away, and I thought it was his life, you know, his choices."

Jaejoong got the feeling this would turn into one of those conversations where he stared out the window as Yunho and Junsu bickered about something. He was ready to tune out, but there was an unexpected silence, and he noticed they were both looking at him.

"Why did you start acting so distant?" Junsu asked.

What was the answer to that? Jaejoong didn't think about things like this. He was forced to now.

"I just.. didn't want you to find out."

"Great job," Junsu said, "it's not like I realised something was up because you started to avoid me."

Yunho shot Junsu a look that meant 'shut up' and turned back to Jaejoong. "But why were you suddenly more afraid of us finding out? What happened?"

Jaejoong thought about his relationship with Yunho. They weren't as close as he was or used to be with Junsu, but right now he felt he could talk to him. Yunho had kept his secret all this time after all. "Because.. I was ashamed, I-"

"You should be," Junsu crossed his arms.

Yunho sighed. "Stop being a dick, Su. It's not helping."

Jaejoong understood why Junsu was angry. He'd thought about telling someone before, and Junsu would have been the first. But still he was glad he didn't, seeing how strongly he disapproved.

"Never mind," he said, "I don't feel like talking about it."

Yunho glared at Junsu, who even looked a little guilty now.

"Don't you want to talk about it at all?" Yunho asked. "I hope you don't mind, but I'm curious, like.. what do you do, with your.. clients?"

Yunho flinched a bit at that word, and so did Jaejoong. "Just call them sugar daddies, that's what they are. And we just talk, and they show me off to their friends, and this one guy just wanted to look at me. That was a bit creepy."

"And they don't want sex?" Junsu asked.

"Most of them do actually-" Jaejoong admitted.

"I knew it," Junsu said.

"-but I stop seeing them when they ask too much."

Yunho nodded. "Have you never had feelings for any of them?"

Jaejoong laughed. "They're all old and ugly and.." He trailed off. Yoochun's face appeared in his mind and he couldn't go on.

He pushed the image away. "Anyway, no, I haven't."

Yunho nodded. "I just hope you know what you're doing."

Mister Lee was waiting for him, as always, but the look in his eyes upon seeing him was different this time. Jaejoong didn't know what was wrong, so he just sat down and smiled.

Fingers reached for his neck and lifted the pendant that lay between his collar bones. "What is this?"

Jaejoong looked down, as if he'd be able to see. He knew though, and he held his breath.

"I didn't give you this."

He always matched the right accessories with the right people. It wasn't hard when he was only seeing two different men. What was wrong with him that he'd forgotten to take off Yoochun's necklace this afternoon?

"I bought it for myself. Do you like it?" He smiled and hoped it was convincing.

Most men didn't even notice details like this, but mister Lee definitely cared. He grunted. "I hope you're not entertaining another man."

Jaejoong shook his head. "Of course not." He didn't like this. It wasn't just the necklace. Lee Soo Man was in a bad mood tonight.

"It's about time you try to entertain me a little harder." The man downed his glass and leaned in closer. His hand was already on Jaejoong's thigh, sliding up, before Jaejoong could block it.

"Don't-" was all he managed to say before wet lips pressed against his mouth and a second hand moved down to grope his ass.

Jaejoong turned his head and pushed the hands away.

It was dark and raining and he was lost.

He knew he got off the bus in the right neighbourhood, but he didn't have an exact address, and although all of those houses looked different, none of them looked like the one he was looking for.

Jaejoong found some sort of shelter against a wall and pulled out his phone. He hadn't wanted to call, because that meant possible rejection, and he couldn't bear to be alone tonight. Would someone send them away from their door too? In this weather?

He and Junsu were friends again, sort of, thanks to Yunho, but Junsu still hated what he did. Jaejoong couldn't run to him now. He didn't think their friendship could take it. The thought of actually losing Junsu made him feel so lonely it hurt, and he was hurting already.

He thought of Yunho too, but he didn't know where Yunho lived. He actually didn't know Yunho that well at all, and really there was only one person he wanted to see right now, even though it made no sense to him.

There was a short moment of panic when Yoochun took much longer than usual to pick up.

"Jaejoong? I'm sorry, I'm-"

"Can I come to your house? Please?"

Yoochun spoke too softly. His voice was barely audible over the sound of the rain. "What's wrong? ..are you outside?"

"I don't know where I am. Do you live close to a garden with a weeping willow hanging over a red brick wall?"

There was a short silence, and then Yoochun said: "I know where you are. I'll send a taxi to pick you up from there. Do you have money on you? I'll text you my address and the code to open the fence. I'll be there as soon as I can."

Yoochun's house without Yoochun was a very big and empty place for someone who felt lonely already. Jaejoong didn't know what to do. He wanted to take a shower, but Yoochun could be there any moment. He drank some water and waited.

Luckily he didn't have to wait long. He went to the door as soon as he heard something. Yoochun shook the water off his umbrella before he came in. "I'm sorry I took a while. I had to apologise to a few people before I could get out of there."

"Why did you have to work in the evening?"

Yoochun took off his coat. "Hmm?"

"I asked why you work so late."

"Oh, meetings with people in different time zones," Yoochun said, "very inconvenient."

".. you cancelled an important meeting for me?"

"You sounded distressed." Yoochun gave him a concerned look. "What happened?"

"Nothing," Jaejoong lied. "I missed you."

Yoochun frowned at him, but he let it go for now. "Are your clothes wet? You can borrow some of mine if you want."

"I'm okay. Can we drink wine and talk again?"

"Not while you're shivering."

Jaejoong wasn't sure he was shivering because of the cold, but he let Yoochun lead him to a bedroom and hand him sweatpants and a long-sleeved t-shirt. He even changed into them.

Yoochun was waiting for him on the couch, with a bottle of wine and more looks of concern. Jaejoong tried to ignore the latter.

He sat down on the floor, out of habit, and because the beige high pile rug looked even more comfortable than the couch. Yoochun didn't question that, but Jaejoong had only brought his glass halfway to his mouth when he asked: "Tell me what happened."

Jaejoong took a sip first, or more like a gulp. The wine was very dry, which was fine because he didn't deserve sweet. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I think you do, otherwise you wouldn't be here."

"Yes," it felt like a confession to himself, "I do." He held out his glass. "But I need more wine."

"Okay," Yoochun filled his glass. "Will you tell me more about what happened with guy number seven first?"

Sometimes Jaejoong thought that Yoochun might be psychic, but maybe he was that easy to read. Or it was just a coincidence.

"I'd never had sex with a sugar daddy before. I kept telling myself I was better than that. But he talked me into it, and I thought why not? It's just sex. It doesn't have to mean anything. And I was basically selling myself already."

"But he had to talk you into it," Yoochun said. "You didn't really want to."

"I did. I considered it and I didn't stop him, and it wasn't bad. I mean it wasn't good, but it wasn't the worst experience in my life." He emptied his second glass. "The worst was the morning after."

"Because?"

Jaejoong couldn't believe he was talking about this, after only a little bit of wine. "Because I felt like I'd lost a piece of myself and I could never get it back. I thought I could be professionally detached about it, although I hated myself for thinking like that, but then I hated myself more because I couldn't even do it."

He was crying in front of Yoochun and he didn't care.

"I told him I never wanted to see him again and he shrugged and gave me some money and let me go."

Yoochun put down his glass. It looked like he wanted to come closer, but he stayed where he was. "If you didn't really want to, even if you didn't stop him, he should have sensed that, and he should have asked, not pushed you, and because of that it counts as rape."

Jaejoong laughed through his tears. "I was his sugar baby. Do you call it rape when someone has sex with a prostitute?"

"If you give someone money that doesn't mean you earn the right to do to them whatever you like. It doesn't make it okay."

Jaejoong wasn't sure he needed this kind of speech, maybe he did, but he knew he wanted to tell Yoochun everything. Because it was so easy, and he seemed to be really listening.

"Number eight wanted more tonight."

Yoochun moved a little closer now. "What happened?"

"He kissed me, and I pushed him away, and he tried again, but I resisted and he yelled at me. And then I came here." Jaejoong could see Yoochun's hands clench into fists from the corner of his eye.

"What is his name?"

"I can't tell you."

"I know there isn't much I can do, but I still want to-"

"No I actually can't tell you. He threatened me, kind of. I know things about the way he does business, and he would only let me go if I promised I wouldn't tell anyone."

"Jaejoong.."

Jaejoong filled his glass himself this time. "It's fine. I'm glad he even let me go at all. And nothing really happened. I'm not sure I'll be able to afford my apartment now though."

Yoochun sighed and took the bottle, which was almost empty by now. "Do you really want to keep living like this?"

"You want me to stop? Is that why you contacted me through the site, with a request to be my sugar daddy?"

Surprisingly Yoochun had a response to that. "I did it because I was curious about you, because you didn't strike me as the spoiled materialistic type, because you seemed smart enough to not have to do this, but you were, and I wanted to know why."

"Judge me. I don't care. You can't be worse than my best friend."

"I only wanted to get to know you and see if you were happy with this kind of life, but you're not, and in a way I'm glad about that, because it makes me like you more."

"You're wrong. I'm fine with it, most of it anyway."

"Really? Do you want to be a sugar baby forever, or would you prefer to be in the position to be a sugar daddy one day?"

"I want to be an architect."

Yoochun smiled. "So be an architect. You don't have to do this."

"Why do you care?" Jaejoong was suddenly so mad at Yoochun, tired of his preaching, and annoyed, because he was right. Everybody always had to be right. Junsu was the same.

"You want me too, don't you? You don't have to keep talking around it." He pushed himself up onto the couch and slid over to Yoochun. I'm right here. What are you waiting for?

"Jaejoong, you're drunk."

He wasn't drunk, not really, but it was easier to act like he was, to fall forward like he couldn't sit straight.

Yoochun held him back by his shoulders and supported him. "I don't want you. Not like this."

Yoochun was even more attractive from up close, and his lips looked perfect for erasing the memory of Lee Soo Man's, but those lips were saying no, and it pissed Jaejoong off.

He tried to press closer again, but Yoochun kept him at a distance. Jaejoong knocked a glass of wine to the floor in the process.

Yoochun was distracted by that, but Jaejoong decided it was time to give up. He slumped down and leaned against the back of the couch until Yoochun pulled him to his feet.

"I don't think you're in a state to go home, so I'll let you stay here. Come on."

Jaejoong let himself be led through the house. It felt good to have someone to lean on, and it felt good to be this close to Yoochun. Yoochun smelled like man, red wine and something sweet but not too sweet, fresh and citrusy.

He let Yoochun guide him to a bed and even tuck him in. He was being treated like a child, and he didn't care.

"If you're too hot you should take your clothes off. I won't do it for you. The bathroom is right there, but I'm not sure you'll remember so I'll leave the door open."

Yoochun left, but he came back with a bottle of water and a glass. He put them on the night stand and walked to the door again. "Good night, Jaejoong."

Jaejoong tried to see the ceiling through the dark. He had a passing thought that he should feel happy about proving Junsu wrong.

Jaejoong woke up alone in a strange room. The door to the bathroom was still open. He went there to pee.

He'd thought this would be a guest room, but the bathroom was definitely used by someone who lived here permanently. There was a toothbrush, tooth paste, lots of bottles and flasks and a used towel on the floor.

It was odd because the room didn't look much like a master bedroom. He also didn't think it was in a logical place of the house for that.

He discovered clean towels and took a quick shower. Afterwards he inspected the bottles and decided that Yoochun smelled like lemongrass.

The first thing he noticed when he ventured into the living room was the beige rug, hanging over a couple of chairs. It looked like Yoochun had tried to save it, but the purple stain was very obvious.

Yoochun appeared from the kitchen. "Did you sleep well?"

"Did you let me sleep in your bed?" Jaejoong asked.

"Yes.. is that okay?"

"I don't mind but.. doesn't this house have guest bedrooms?"

"It does, but none of the beds are made. I don't have guests that often."

".. where did you sleep?"

Yoochun patted the couch. "This is the most comfortable place in the entire house. I'm sorry I was selfish enough to take it for myself."

Jaejoong felt bad, no matter how cheerful Yoochun sounded. He felt bad about calling him during a meeting, about acting the way he did and about ruining his furniture.

"I'm sorry.. about the stain."

Yoochun's smile faltered, but he hid it well. "It's okay. I can afford it. How are you feeling?"

Jaejoong followed him into the kitchen and breathed in the smell of an amazing breakfast. "Better. I didn't mean to act like that.. I just.."

"You were upset, with reason. I understand. I just want you to know that I would never.. what those other men did. I would never do something like that. And definitely not when you're drunk."

Jaejoong looked at him and stepped a little closer. "But it's not because you don't want me?"

"I don't think any sane person could not want you. But I also think a sane person shouldn't just force himself onto someone."

Jaejoong stepped forward again, glad when Yoochun didn't move back.

"I'm not drunk anymore," he said. He leaned in and kissed him.

5. Banana

3. Mango
2. Cake
1. Chocolate