Aspartame 5/8

[dokssuri]

Title: Aspartame
Pairing: ChunJae
Length: Chaptered
Summary: Jaejoong thinks he found just another sugar daddy to support him, but Yoochun is a different kind of sweet.



For a perfect two seconds Yoochun was right where he wanted him, with lips pressed to his and the rest of his body within reach. Jaejoong had no idea where this desire for physical intimacy came from, but he didn't regret going with it.

Yoochun ruined the moment with a gentle push against his shoulders and a metaphorical jab at his heart.

"Jaejoong, do you know what you're doing?"

Jaejoong wondered if he should pick up some deeper meaning behind that question. For example if at some point Yoochun had told him that, in his religion, kissing meant marriage.

"Kissing you?" he guessed.

"But it goes against your own rules. You explained them to me during our first dinner. I don't know what makes you think you need to do this, but you don't."

Jaejoong really wanted to shout 'fuck my stupid rules' and kiss him again, but reason held him back, reason and painful memories.

It wasn't painful though, not with Yoochun. He felt he really wanted it. "I did it because I wanted to," he said.

He did want it. He wanted to be touched by a man he actually liked for a change. It had been forever since he'd enjoyed being with someone. It was about time those painful memories got replaced.

Yoochun didn't seem convinced, or just confused, either way he changed the subject to breakfast and taking him home after.

Jaejoong watched his lips move and nodded, and tried to convince himself that it was impossible to develop and addiction within two seconds.

When Yunho asked both of them to meet him for drink, it felt like going to a relationship counselling session.

Their past meetings consisted mostly of Junsu and Yunho complaining about life. Before that was a time when Jaejoong joined them. Right now, it was him and Junsu staring at each other while Yunho observed them from behind his banana milkshake.

"Yunho," Junsu said, "tell him I'm not talking to him until he tells me what happened a couple of months ago."

"That's still bothering you?" Jaejoong said. He'd finally been able to tell someone. He'd told Yoochun. And although it might be unfair to Junsu, Jaejoong didn't think he'd want to talk about it again just yet, especially not here.

"What's bothering me is that I can't help but worry about you without even knowing why, and it pisses me off."

"You don't need to worry. I'm fine."

Junsu gave him an exasperated look. "If only it worked like that."

"He will tell us when he wants to," Yunho interrupted, "and he can probably take care of himself."

"I hope so," Junsu said. "I'll try to care less."

"Different subject," Yunho suggested.

They talked about university for a while and it loosened Junsu up a bit. It got to a point when their conversation almost felt normal, like old times, and Jaejoong felt confident enough to share the question that was bothering him. He just had to ask someone.

"This is very hypothetically," he said, "but if I have sex with a sugar daddy, not because he wants to, but because I want to, does that make me a whore?"

There was a short silence.

"If he doesn't want to it makes you a rapist," Junsu said dryly.

Then his tone changed. "Do you? Have sex with them?"

"I think," Yunho said, "that if you'd still want to have sex with him if he wasn't giving you money, it doesn't make you a whore. But I also think that, ideally, the person you have sex with gives you love and affection, not cash."

"Dude," junsu said, "that's very romantic and all, but if I dated a millionaire and he'd only ever give me love and affection, I'd feel so cheated."

Jaejoong wondered if Junsu would ever stop what Yunho called 'being a sarcastic fuck about everything'. He knew he kind of deserved it, but he'd like to get his friend back some day.

"You said you were seeing a 'decent guy'. Is this about him?" Junsu asked, eyes narrowed.

"No. I said hypothetically." Jaejoong feigned a sudden interest in Yunho's milkshake. "It's banana, right? It's been ages since I tasted one of those."

"Do you want to try?" Yunho said. He turned the straw to him.

"You like him, don't you," Junsu said.

Yunho pulled his milkshake back before Jaejoong could reach it. "What do you mean?"

Junsu rolled his eyes. "I wasn't talking to you. I meant Jae, he likes that guy."

"No, I don't," Jaejoong said. "Okay fine, I do admit was talking about him, but it would just be casual sex, for sex' sake. I can't even remember my last time."

That was a lie, but true for the last time he actually enjoyed it.

"Yeah, right, casual sex," Junsu said, "if that's true I really don't know you anymore. Weren't you all about the emotional connection before?"

"That didn't turn out so well, if you remember."

"What are you talking about now?" Yunho asked.

"Remember I told you to never ask about his ex?" Junsu said.

"Right," Yunho said. "..but since you've already brought him up.." He turned to Jaejoong. "What did he do anyway?"

"Hyunjoong was a cheating, lying bastard, but that's in the past and beside the point. I shouldn't have asked for your opinion," Jaejoong said, looking at Junsu.

Junsu stared at him with wide eyes. "Since when are you capable of mentioning Hyunjoong so casually?"

Jaejoong shrugged. "Since I'm over him."

"Who are you and what have you done to Jaejoong?"

Jaejoong decided that Junsu wasn't ready to give him serious advice about anything again.

He couldn't focus at all. He'd planned to get some reading done before his dinner with Yoochun, but it felt like his brain was moving too fast for the work it was supposed to be doing.

It took him a while to figure out that he was excited. He was looking forward to tonight so much that he wished for time to move faster. It wasn't a new feeling, but the last time he felt like this was so long ago that he hardly remembered.

When evening finally arrived, Yoochun picked him up close to his apartment. Jaejoong still didn't trust him enough to tell him where he lived exactly. That had to be proof that if this night did end with sex, there wouldn't be any dangerously deep feelings behind it, right?

When Yoochun paused just to smile at him, Jaejoong told him to hurry up because he was hungry. He didn't mean to be bitchy, but he didn't like the feeling that their relationship might actually be slowly drifting away from casual after all.

"Has guy number eight given you any trouble the past few days?" Yoochun asked.

Jaejoong really didn't want to be reminded of Lee Soo Man right now, or ever. "Haven't heard from him."

"I'm glad."

Jaejoong was glad too. That break went easier than he'd expected. It wasn't that surprising though. The man had only seem him as a pretty object he owned and liked to show off but didn't really care about.

"Where are you taking me?"

Yoochun smiled, eyes on the road. "Remember during our first meeting when I told you about a restaurant I wanted to save for later?"

"Is it some place famous?" Jaejoong hoped there would be no more awkward meetings with people he wanted to avoid.

"It's very exclusive," Yoochun said.

"Should I be wearing something more formal?"

Jaejoong had picked his red shirt based mostly on how well it showed off the necklace Yoochun gave him, which he wasn't wearing accidentally this time. And he'd gone with the tight jeans. Maybe it wasn't perfect for dinner in an expensive restaurant, but he'd really just hoped Yoochun would be into it.

"Oh no. I hate formal. This is perfect."

"Says the man wearing a suit."

"I'll change when we get there."

".. what kind of restaurant is this?"

Yoochun sighed. "Okay, I'm very bad at keeping secrets. It's not an actual restaurant. Look around."

Jaejoong recognised the neighbourhood. He'd wandered around in it for quite a while a few days ago. "We're going to your house?"

"I'm sorry there won't be much choice on the menu, but just pretend I rented the whole place out and asked the chef to prepare only his finest dishes for us."

It wasn't hard to pretend. Yoochun had even set a table for two, candle and everything, by a window that overlooked his garden.

"I know it's very rude of me to leave my date alone, but I just have to heat a few things up, I'll be right back."

"Do you want me to help?" Jaejoong asked. He had no idea what he'd done to deserve this. Some men had bought him very expensive things, but he already knew nothing could match up to a home cooked meal.

"The wine cellar is over there. You can pick something you like. If you promise not to drink too much tonight.."

Jaejoong hesitated. "If I don't know what's on the menu, I don't know which wine goes with it." He didn't know much about pairing up wines with food anyway. Others usually did it for him.

"Pick something at random and I'll tell you if it's a good match."

Jaejoong smiled. "Is this secretly a test to see if I'm your type, letting fate decide?"

"I don't need fate for that." Yoochun smiled.

Jaejoong wondered why, even when Yoochun's comments were slightly tacky sometimes, he still found them flattering. He decided to blame it on the fact that he was new to the kind of flirting that didn't involve a hand sliding up his thigh.

He picked a red wine based on the pretty design on the label and brought it to the kitchen. Yoochun was moving around between counters that were slightly messy in an organised way.

He'd changed out of the suit and into dark jeans and a simple white shirt. He looked younger when he dressed down and was excited about something, not enough for Jaejoong to forget about the age difference, but enough for him to realise that it really wasn't an unbreachable gap.

Yoochun took the bottle and smiled widely. "Perfect." He waved at the door. "But sadly guests aren't allowed in the kitchen. The food will be served at your table shortly. Thank you for your patience."

Jaejoong laughed and made a mental note to check if Yoochun hadn't secretly swapped the bottles later, to see if he wasn't praising his choice just to be nice.

He went back to the table and stared out the window. It was quickly getting dark, so it got harder to see, but it looked like a peaceful environment to live in, not as noisy and light as the heart of the city. He could also imagine it being quite lonely.

When Yoochun reappeared he was carrying two bowls and he announced their entrée in a very professional voice.

"Okay," he said when sat down, "if you like this, remember I made it. If you hate it, I secretly ordered it from somewhere."

Jaejoong laughed and tried his soup. He was aware of Yoochun's nervous gaze and pulled a poker face to tease him.

"..do I have to make an angry phone call?"

"I know you made it yourself."

"You can tell? I put a lot of effort into it, I hope that counts for something."

"I love it."

It was really good. Maybe Jaejoong was biased because this was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for him, but could that alone make food taste amazing? "You could teach my mother some things about cooking."

"Don't exaggerate," Yoochun said, but he was smiling.

The rest of the food was possibly even better, and it did go surprisingly well with the wine Jaejoong had picked.

It was getting late when they finished eating. Jaejoong offered to help clean up, but Yoochun waved it away. He probably had a hired help for that anyway. With such a big house, there had to be.

"You should probably go home," Yoochun said. "I don't want to take up all your time."

Jaejoong didn't want to go home. "Can I stay? ..the bottle isn't empty yet."

Yoochun sighed. "I hope you're not turning into an alcoholic, but come on." He led him to the couch, not the one they sat on before, but a smaller couch in a different room. This room had a glass wall. Jaejoong went over the pros and cons of that in his head.

"Can you hold my glass for a second?"

Jaejoong watched as Yoochun pushed he couch closer to the big window. "Here. I like to sit like this sometimes, because what's the point of all that glass if you're not going to look through it?"

Jaejoong agreed. He sat down and held out Yoochun's glass.

"Do you mind if I dim the lights?" Yoochun asked. "Just for visual purposes."

"Not at all." Jaejoong only disliked that he wouldn't be able to see Yoochun as well. Luckily the couch forced them to sit close together, not touching, but with a certain degree of shared personal space.

"It's sad you can't see the stars," Yoochun said, "but the city lights have their own charm."

"Yes." Jaejoong felt his heart beat faster. He knew something could happen, sitting so close to Yoochun, drinking wine and looking out into the peaceful world outside. He wanted something to happen.

"So what do you like about architecture?" Yoochun asked.

"What do you like about your job?"

Yoochun's face fell and Jaejoong instantly felt bad.

"I'm sorry. I know you don't like to talk about it."

"No, you're right. It's unfair. I won't ask you anymore."

Jaejoong wouldn't mind talking about the reasons he loved architecture, but he was afraid he might end up talking forever and boring Yoochun.

"Let's talk about where you learned to cook like that."

Yoochun laughed. "It's really not that impressive. I can't do much beyond what I showed off tonight. And it sounds lame, but it's mostly from cooking shows on TV. I just don't like eating out on my own, and you get fed up with the instant stuff."

"Can't you afford to hire a cook?"

"What's the fun in that? Plus I'd feel really uncomfortable having someone come over just to cook for me. It sounds more awkward than being alone in a restaurant." Yoochun put his glass on the floor and looked up at the dark sky.

Jaejoong got tired of waiting. Anyone else would have been all over him already. He reached for Yoochun's hand and placed it on his leg.

Yoochun turned his head to look at him, but he didn't move or say anything.

"It was an amazing dinner," Jaejoong said "thank you."

"You're welcome," Yoochun said. His fingers made the smallest movement, like a shy attempt at a caress. Jaejoong felt the warmth of his hand through the denim. His heart got really excited about that. Other parts of his body too.

Yoochun's face was very close to his, coming closer. Jaejoong's breath caught in his throat and he closed his eyes.

Yoochun was the one to close the distance between them this time, so he did want it too. But again, he broke their kiss a few seconds in. "We don't have to-"

"Shut up. Not doing this to thank you. I want to." Jaejoong moved a hand to the back of Yoochun's neck and pulled him close.

Yoochun smiled against his lips. "I like this side of you too," he said. After that there wasn't much talking. There was a lot of kissing.

When one of his legs was over Yoochun's lap and both of Yoochun's hands were under his shirt, Jaejoong decided it was safe to suggest moving this to a bedroom. Their shirts came off on the way, and Yoochun's jeans were already unbuttoned.

Soon they were half under, half on top of the blankets, tangled in them, pushing jeans down and pulling bodies closer. Jaejoong licked at the lingering taste of Yoochun's lips on his mouth while the actual kisses moved down to his neck. With the warm fuzzy feeling from the wine mixed in, everything was just right.

It was a miracle he could still produce coherent sentences like: "Do you have lube and condoms?" with Yoochun's fingers wrapped around his cock.

"We don't have to go further than this," Yoochun said, pulling back.

Jaejoong shushed him and pulled him down for another kiss, deep and passionate. "Let's only protest when we actually don't want to do something, deal?"

Yoochun smiled. "Do you want to top?"

Jaejoong stared at him, shocked. He didn't think anyone had asked him that question before in his life.

"I don't mind it either way," Yoochun said, "up to you."

Jaejoong went with what he was comfortable with, with a mental note for possible future exploration of the unknown. He loved the heat that streamed through his body and the building excitement when he rolled a condom over Yoochun's erection and took the head in his mouth despite a warning not to tease.

He loved feeling Yoochun push into him slowly, giving him time to adjust, and he loved shamelessly begging for more. He loved the feeling of being cared for mixed with pleasure and the fact that he was thoroughly enjoying sex for the first time in years.

He forgot to be nervous tonight. He wanted to get to know Yoochun better, and he didn't mind Yoochun getting to know him better.

The morning after could be the scary moment when the disgust and guilt kicked in, but it was nothing like that this time. Waking up next to Yoochun gave Jaejoong a light feeling in his stomach that wasn't unpleasant at all.

The memories that stood out between in blur of just good were mostly kissing and cuddling. That moment of fire wasn't hard to find. The things around it made the experience.

Yoochun turned to him, awake. "What are you thinking about?"

Jaejoong felt caught, as if Yoochun could actually read his mind. "Breakfast."

Yoochun laughed and sat up. "The kitchen is a mess, but I'm sure I can throw something together."

Jaejoong took a quick shower, almost afraid the water would be better at washing away good feelings than bad ones. He found Yoochun in the kitchen, which already looked more presentable than it did last night.

"Almost done," Yoochun said. "Do you have a class or appointment you can't miss today?"

"No." Jaejoong decided he'd done so much for the group project already that they could manage without him for a while.

"I was wondering," Yoochun said. "Are you going to find a new sugar daddy? I mean, I can imagine having only one makes you feel less covered."

It was definitely unpleasant being pulled back to reality like that, being reminded of what Yoochun was.. should be to him.

"I guess it's none of my business.."

"No," Jaejoong said. "I think I'm good for now."

6. Lemon

4. Wine
3. Mango
2. Cake
1. Chocolate