Aspartame 8/8 Part 1/2
Title: Aspartame
Pairing: ChunJae
Length: Chaptered
Summary: Jaejoong thinks he found just another sugar daddy to support him, but Yoochun is a different kind of sweet.
A/N: This isn't such an amazing final chapter that it's worth making you wait so ridiculously long. And I'm so sorry.
I wrote a big part of this and then life happened. And then I wasn't happy with what I'd written and I got stuck.
[note: don't take a break halfway through the final chapter of something, ever, no matter what happens around you]
Anyway, it got pretty long and I split it into two parts, which I'm uploading together because I wouldn't dare making you deal with another cliffhanger.
Thank you so much for the lovely comments and messages. If I didn't respond [note: I didn't], it's because I was embarrassed about this unannounced hiatus dragging on for so long, or because I thought: "right, I'll upload this chapter next week and respond then" and 'next week' became next year. I love all of you. You're the best.
♥ Maia
Jaejoong had waited too long. The expiration time for a call to say "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that and I really really like you, let's try again" was probably about 24 hours, maybe one week, max. By now he had surely passed the stages of 'awkward', 'a little late' and 'nope, you screwed up'.
He'd wanted to get his life in order and appear before Yoochun with confidence. That was his excuse for running away and hiding in denial for so long. And he had actually taken steps in the right direction, that was true.
It had been easier than he thought to delete his profile. Being a sugar baby had stopped being fun and exciting a while ago, but he knew that if he hadn't met Yoochun, he wouldn't have been able to quit like this.
He'd briefly wondered if he wouldn't miss being desired by so many men, but he knew from experience that being desired by a hundred men you don't care about ultimately doesn't actually make you happy.
He'd also raised his grades and found a part time job. And he was going to share a regular sized apartment with his friends, to live like a normal student without rich parents would. He was feeling better about himself in many aspects except the one that hurt the most.
Maybe there had been a valid reason to wait, but he'd still waited too long. He should at least have told Yoochun how he felt, told him to give him some time. Yoochun might have agreed to that.
Of course, he only thought of this when it was much too late. And then he spent another day regretting it and still not making the call.
Junsu agreed that it was probably too late, and told him he shouldn't get his hopes up. But in the end he still sat him down on the couch, pushed his phone into his hands and forced him.
After two seconds of holding the phone to his ear with a slightly shaky hand, Jaejoong wished he'd just sent a text instead. But Junsu said that wasn't personal enough and there was no guarantee Yoochun would reply.
click "..Jaejoong?"
Yoochun sounded very surprised, almost shocked. He really hadn't expected to hear from him again. Jaejoong didn't know what to say.
"Is this Jaejoong?" It was really Yoochun's voice in his ear. Jaejoong still had to get over the fact that he even picked up the phone.
Finally he found his own voice back. "Yes. I'm.. I called.. because.." He sounded awkward. He felt awkward, and stupid. Why hadn't he called before? The fact that Junsu was listening and gesturing for him to keep talking didn't make it easier at all.
"Is something wrong?"
"No. I just.. can we talk? Face to face?"
"What about? I thought.. you ended things between us? Yoochun sounded wary, and Jaejoong realised that he hurt him. He knew he had, but this was the first time he really felt it and guilt swept over him.
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but I should be telling you this in person. Please?"
There was a short silence. Jaejoong tightened his grip on his phone and Junsu gave him a questioning look.
"Okay."
"I don't want to go."
Junsu rolled his eyes. "The worst he can do is reject you, and you dumped him first so you kind of deserve it."
"I'm scared."
"You have to go there anyway, or you'll lose your job. But fine, I'll go with you."
Jaejoong raised his eyebrows. "Will that make it better or worse?"
"You might need me to hold you back. I still haven't met this guy. If he turns out to be an asshole, I don't want you lying at his feet begging him to take you back."
".. I don't think you should come."
"Just pretend I'm your father and you need my consent for your marriage."
Jaejoong almost laughed. "My father would never consent to me marrying a man."
"Right," Junsu said, "which is exactly why you need me to stand in for him."
Jaejoong sighed. "Will you promise to keep a distance?"
"Only until you need me to save you."
"I'll give you a sign if that happens, okay?" Jaejoong was about to walk away, but he suddenly saw an opportunity. He turned back and added: "…and you have to bring Yunho."
Junsu frowned. "Why?"
"Do you want to sit alone? You'll look sad and lonely. It'll also look less suspicious with two people. Don't you watch spy movies?"
Jaejoong couldn't focus on his work at all. He'd only just learned how to make all the drinks, but his coworkers didn't go easy on him. It wasn't a busy day, so luckily there weren't a lot of orders to screw up, but it also meant he had time to throw nervous glances at the door and go through several bad to worst case scenarios in his head.
Junsu and Yunho sat at a table in the corner, happily chatting away. Jaejoong was glad that at least that set up was working out well.
Someone told him he could go home early since there wasn't much to do. She probably took pity in him because of his shaking hands. But he refused. Yoochun had to see him at work here, if Yoochun would even show up..
His eyes were permanently fixed on the door now, so he wouldn't jump every time it opened, but Yoochun's arrival still took him by surprise.
The man who entered wasn't Yoochun, but he seemed vaguely familiar. Jaejoong froze when he recognised Shim Changmin. Yoochun appeared from behind his tall body.
So Yoochun hadn't come alone either. This was fair, but also terrifying, and Jaejoong suddenly got so much more nervous than he already was. Both men looked around, but Yoochun was the fist to notice him standing behind the counter. Their eyes met, and Jaejoong wanted to run away.
"What is this?" Changmin said when he followed his friend's gaze. "You asked him to come out here to meet you but you're working? That's a bit rude." It wasn't the reaction Jaejoong had hoped for. Was Changmin here to ruin everything?
"I didn't want him to come with me," Yoochun explained without Jaejoong asking, "but he insisted." There was very little emotion in his voice or expression. They were guarded. This hurt a lot more than Changmin's words.
"My shift just ended. I'll.. I'll be right there. Would you like to order something first?"
Yoochun was about to say something. Changmin was faster. "I don't think we'll be here long enough to finish a drink." Yoochun didn't protest, but he did give Jaejoong an apologetic look before he followed Changmin to a table.
Jaejoong clenched his hands into fists and turned around.
"Wait a minute, finish my order before you go. I've been waiting forever."
Jaejoong turned back to give Junsu a puzzled look.
"Yes I'm talking to you," Junsu said. He glanced over his shoulder, leaned against the counter and mouthed: 'Which one? The tall one?'
Jaejoong shook his head.
"Pity," Junsu said out loud. He probably hadn't followed their conversation, because if anyone fit Junsu's idea of the worst kind of sugar daddy, it was Changmin, even if he was good-looking.
Still, he was probably being mean because he cared about Yoochun. He was a good friend at least, though that didn't make him any less intimidating. Jaejoong thought about how to handle the unexpected problem of Changmin's presence as he went to change out of his uniform, but his mind was completely blank.
He still didn't know what to do when he'd walked around the counter and sat down at the table Changmin and Yoochun had picked. Sitting in front of the two older men, he automatically lowered his head. One of them definitely hated him and the other might as well. They both looked unhappy.
"Don't mind me," Changmin said, "break his heart some more. I'll let you know when you're going too far." His voice was icy cold.
Jaejoong felt what was left of his courage drain away in an instant and he had to remind himself to keep his back straight. But Yoochun simply ignored the comment. "Changmin has told me that he met you," he said, "so I don't have to introduce him."
Changmin had told him about their conversation? Jaejoong tried to hide his shock and nodded.
"I hope you're not feeling guilty because of what he told you," Yoochun continued. "There is no need for you to take responsibility for my choices.. if that was bothering you."
Changmin scoffed and was about to say something, but this time it was Yoochun who spoke first. "Min, please stay out of this."
Jaejoong finally looked up. "I'm still sorry."
Yoochun shook his head. "I'm not mad at you. I don't really have the right to-"
"Please let me apologise, please." Jaejoong said. "Not just for that."
Yoochun looked at him. "What for?"
'Everything' was too easy, and also untrue. He wasn't sorry for capturing Yoochun's heart, just for treating it the way he had.
"I'm sorry I rejected you the first time, at the club where Yunho works."
That surprised Yoochun, Jaejoong saw it in his eyes.
"I don't remember it," he added quickly, fighting the urge to look away, "Yunho told me. I probably had a bad day and I'd drunk too much, if that counts as an excuse. I really wish I could go back to that day. But I'm even more sorry about the second time, because I said something I didn't mean.. and I hurt you consciously... I'm sorry."
Yoochun's expression became guarded again. "It hurt," he agreed. "I was worried about you, trying to figure out what I'd done wrong.. and then you dumped me, over the phone."
Jaejoong winced. He'd definitely screwed up.
"Did you just want to meet me to apologise?" Yoochun asked.
"He's wondering why you couldn't have done this over the phone as well," Changmin said.
"Changmin," Yoochun warned, but it was already too much for Jaejoong. He'd been able to deal with Junsu's harsh comments, but Junsu was a friend and didn't mean half of them. Changmin's words hurt a lot.
Yoochun must have seen him tense up or sensed his distress some other way, because he said: "Don't listen to him. I'm not mad-"
He was interrupted by Junsu, who suddenly appeared behind Jaejoong and said: "Are those men bothering you, Jae?" He lay a hand on Jaejoong's shoulder and shot Changmin and Yoochun a challenging look. "Maybe you should go hit on someone your own age."
Changmin scoffed, Yoochun looked surprised and Jaejoong wanted to disappear. "I'm fine, Su. I can handle it."
"I don't know," Junsu said. "You don't look fine."
"I agree," Yunho said, standing next to him. He avoided looking at Yoochun but glared at Changmin.
"You have bodyguards?" Changmin asked. "What did you think we were going to do to you?"
"Break his heart," Junsu said. "He really falls in love far to easily. Jae, I don't think these guys are worth even one percent of the emotional breakdown you went through."
Junsu was obviously saying this to be provocative, or something. Jaejoong didn't know what he was planning to achieve. All he wanted was to talk to Yoochun. To just..
"Can we talk somewhere else?" Yoochun suddenly asked him. "Alone?"
Jaejoong almost jumped out of his chair, ignoring Junsu's protest. "Yes.. here." Yoochun got up as well - ignoring Changmin's protest - and followed him behind the bar, through a door and then through another. Jaejoong didn't want his co-workers to eavesdrop either.
They had barely enough space to stand. The tiny room was filled with old bar stools and cleaning supplies. The single lightbulb took a while to start glowing brightly enough to push back the darkness between the piles.
It wasn't romantic or comfortable at all. Jaejoong immediately regretted this decision, but Yoochun stepped around him and laughed. "I'm hiding in a closet with an attractive man. I feel I should say I'm too old for this, but I don't really mind. May I?" He pulled a bar stool from a stack and sat down.
Jaejoong stood with his back against the door and managed an awkward smile. "I'm sorry about my friends."
"I'm more sorry about mine. I didn't come here to yell at you before hearing you out. Changmin gets too protective."
Jaejoong understood. Junsu would be like that too. "It's okay. It just hurt because he's right. I'm a terrible person."
"I don't agree with that," Yoochun said.
Jaejoong knew that couldn't be true but he didn't say anything.
"How have you been?" Yoochun asked. "Your friend mentioned.. an emotional breakdown?"
"I got scared," Jaejoong said, finding Yoochun's eyes. "I never explained why I suddenly ran away that morning. I got scared because I had started to like you, a lot, but I knew so little about you and you were my sugar daddy and somehow it all felt wrong. That's why I called to end things. I hated myself after, and then Changmin and Yunho told me who you are and I.. I've never regretted anything this much in my life."
There was a short silence.
"I did wrong too," Yoochun said. "I lied to you. And just because it was easier to get you to spend time with me if I paid you, doesn't mean I should have used that method. I told you I was pleased when I noticed you didn't enjoy being a sugar baby, but that was after I had made you into mine. You're not the bad guy here."
"I was already sugar baby anyway," Jaejoong protested. "I hurt you more."
Yoochun shook his head. "We both did stupid things." He studied Jaejoong's eyes. "Are you still a sugar baby?"
"No," Jaejoong said without hesitation. "Never again. I got a job here, I'm moving into a more affordable apartment and I'm focusing on becoming an architect."
Yoochun smiled. "I'm glad. I'm truly glad to hear that. I hope you can be happy as well, in your new life."
Jaejoong was afraid to ask, but he had to. This was the time.
"Will you be there with me?"
Yoochun seemed to hesitate, but maybe Jaejoong just imagined that.
"No." One simple word that made his heart sink.
"I hope you will find someone who deserves you," Yoochun said. "Someone who will be a real boyfriend from the start, not a fake sugar daddy."
There was a silence. Not a comfortable or slightly awkward silence, but one so heavy it felt like a wall between them. Jaejoong leaned against the door, needing the support. He tried to hide his tears by tilting his head back, but when he closed his eyes, they were inevitably pushed down his cheeks.
Yoochun stood up and moved as if to brush them away, but he held back. There was sadness in his eyes as well. "I'm too old for you anyway."
Just being this close to him increased Jaejoong's heart rate. The lighting wasn't great, but he didn't need to look at Yoochun's face or body to know how attractive he was, those were only superficial details anyway. He shook his head. "It's the first time in years that I found someone I really like and I screwed up."
"You'll find someone else," Yoochun said, "someone better. Just don't leave without a word after your first night together and don't dump them over the phone and you'll be fine." He smiled like it was meant to be a joke, but Jaejoong cringed.
Yoochun leaned forward almost like he was going for a kiss and Jaejoong held his breath. It was insane how much he longed for this, but Yoochun stopped again. He took a deep breath and created some space between them.
"You're beautiful and smart, Jaejoong, and I honestly don't think I deserve you." He stepped aside and reached for the door handle.
Jaejoong didn't protest, but not because he agreed.
It took him a while to get his legs to move and follow Yoochun out to the front. He felt dazed. Rejection was what he'd expected. He hadn't dared to hope for more. But now that was over, it felt like their conversation had ended too fast.
Junsu and Yunho had moved back to their table and Changmin was sitting alone, with his back turned to everyone. Yoochun tapped his shoulder and said: "let's go."
Jaejoong leaned against the counter. He felt empty. Junsu jumped up and walked to him while Yunho - very awkwardly - greeted Yoochun. "What happened?" Junsu asked. "..did you cry? Was he mad at you?"
Yunho came over too. "What I heard didn't sound angry," he said. Behind him the door opened and closed. Changmin and Yoochun were gone. Yoochun left without another word. Jaejoong stared through the glass into the distance.
"Yunho was worried, so he followed you and listened at the door for a while. Just to make sure you were alright," Junsu said. "I stayed here pretending to ignore his bitchy friend, was that Changmin? Anyway, what happened?"
Jaejoong took a deep breath, let it go and looked at his friend. "Didn't you hear that from Yunho already?"
"I only heard up to him asking if you were still a sugar baby," Yunho said. "It sounded like you were okay and making up, and then your manager asked what I was doing there."
"From what Yunho told me Yoochun was really nice about everything," Junsu said. "And he's cute too. I take back hoping he was the tall arrogant one. That one is definitely not your type."
Jaejoong smiled. He was grateful his friends were there for him, and he decided he'd made them deal with more than enough of his drama recently. He also wanted to savour this last opportunity to pretend that it wasn't over.
"So you like Yoochun?" he asked.
"Is that important right now?" Junsu said. "Tell me how your conversation ended. He just left but you seem fine. Did you plan another date?"
Jaejoong didn't feel fine, mostly numb, but he could pretend. "First I want to know the verdict of my father who will have to approve of my marriage."
"Oh, right," Junsu said, "I'm sorry I stepped out of my role." He cleared his throat and pulled a serious face. "Are you sure you only like men? Is it really not just a phase?"
"Hey, stop being annoying, I'm curious," Yunho punched Junsu's arm, but he was smiling. Jaejoong rolled his eyes. "You're worse than my real father. Seriously, tell me what you really think."
"You want my opinion?"
"That's what I'm asking for."
"Okay. I'm mostly trusting Yunho on this," Junsu said, pausing to give Yunho a warning look, "but.. I think that guy's a real catch. You shouldn't let him get away."
Jaejoong forced a smile and nodded. "I'll try."
"Really? He forgives you?"
Jaejoong shrugged. "Kind of."
It felt strange, lying about this, but the alternative was admitting that it was over. If he kept his mind blank and denied it happened, the conversation with Yoochun didn't hurt. And it wasn't just that, but breaking down in front of his friends, again, and being pulled through it by Junsu, again.. it felt he'd done that often enough already. He could deal with something on his own for once, right?
Junsu sighed. "You're keeping details from me. I mean, you were in a dark closet seducing a guy, something definitely happened. But fine. I trust you to tell me later." He shot Jaejoong a meaningful look.
Jaejoong decided that the details were for him to worry about this time. Their conversations shouldn't always evolve around him.
"What did you think about Changmin?" he asked. "What did you call him? The tall sexy one?"
"I didn't call him that," Junsu said.
"But you were thinking it, weren't you?" Jaejoong knew his friend, and he wasn't blind himself. Changmin was attractive.
"Well," Junsu slowly admitted, "he seemed like an arrogant ball of sass on legs, but they were the longest legs I've ever seen on a man, in a very good way."
"I knew it," Jaejoong said. "You've given him a nickname in your head, haven't you? Something like 'Changmin sexy legs'."
"Oh my god," Junsu said, "you're terrible at this. More like Mister Long-legged Snarky Prince Changmin the Sexy." He gave them time to be impressed before he continued. "Seriously though, he's the kind of person that could get me into BDSM. Please tell me you stumbled upon a room full of toys in Yoochun's house. He's a Master, isn't he?"
"I don't know anything about Changmin's sex life and I'm not interested," Jaejoong said. He tried to sound annoyed, but he was watching Yunho's reaction to Junsu's words. He had been since he mentioned Changmin. It was the reason he brought up this topic.
Yunho didn't look happy. There was a frown on his face that Jaejoong didn't remember seeing before.
"I'm not sure if Yoochun will like it, but maybe I can set you up with him," Jaejoong suggested. He wondered if he was pushing it.
Junsu hummed as if he was considering it, but not long. "I'm not that eager to turn into a masochist, and he's old, not too old, but not really my thing."
Yunho seemed relieved. That was a good sign.
Jaejoong had talked to Yunho during class the day before. He'd promised Junsu he wouldn't, but he had to try. He had to do something. It seemed very possible to him that Yunho could return Junsu's feelings.
Yunho hadn't been too upset about being rejected by Jaejoong, which could mean he got over him a while ago, which could mean he found someone new, someone who could very well be Junsu, which would mean they were both being stupid.
That was a lot of maybes and wishful thinking, but still, Jaejoong's intuition told him it was definitely worth a shot.
"Junsu likes you, the way you liked me," he had whispered to Yunho. "Don't ever tell him that I told you, but I thought you should know."
Yunho's eyes widened. Jaejoong let him think about that for a while, but when Yunho opened his mouth, Jaejoong shushed him. He didn't want a reaction, he was just letting him know.
"Think about it. He's trying to get over you, so you might lose him to someone else. I'm not saying you should date him just because of that. You know what I mean. Don't hurt him. I'll kick your ass."
Then he had slipped out of the room to go to work, leaving a shocked Yunho to figure out how he felt about this.
He really hoped this would work out. It had to be possible. Why had Yunho even been there, skipping his own class to watch the final presentation of Junsu's project?
At the moment Jaejoong was looking from Yunho to Junsu and back. They were both being more quiet than usual. After Yoochun and Changmin left he got them new drinks, but the mood was definitely different than usual, and this time - even though it very well could have been - it wasn't because of him.
"I'll be right back. I still have some work to do" he said, motioning to the bar.
Junsu raised his eyebrows. "I thought you were done for today."
"I forgot to do some of the cleaning I was supposed to do," he lied. It wasn't terribly convincing, so he added: "because I was stressing over Yoochun all day." Junsu nodded in understanding.
This was a terrible idea, Jaejoong realised when he walked around the bar. If he wanted to give Yunho time alone with Junsu, he could just have told them he had to be somewhere else. Not here, where the only decent hiding place was that closet.
PART TWO
7. Coffee
6. Lemon
5. Banana
4. Wine
3. Mango
2. Cake
1. Chocolate
Pairing: ChunJae
Length: Chaptered
Summary: Jaejoong thinks he found just another sugar daddy to support him, but Yoochun is a different kind of sweet.
A/N: This isn't such an amazing final chapter that it's worth making you wait so ridiculously long. And I'm so sorry.
I wrote a big part of this and then life happened. And then I wasn't happy with what I'd written and I got stuck.
[note: don't take a break halfway through the final chapter of something, ever, no matter what happens around you]
Anyway, it got pretty long and I split it into two parts, which I'm uploading together because I wouldn't dare making you deal with another cliffhanger.
Thank you so much for the lovely comments and messages. If I didn't respond [note: I didn't], it's because I was embarrassed about this unannounced hiatus dragging on for so long, or because I thought: "right, I'll upload this chapter next week and respond then" and 'next week' became next year. I love all of you. You're the best.
♥ Maia
Jaejoong had waited too long. The expiration time for a call to say "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that and I really really like you, let's try again" was probably about 24 hours, maybe one week, max. By now he had surely passed the stages of 'awkward', 'a little late' and 'nope, you screwed up'.
He'd wanted to get his life in order and appear before Yoochun with confidence. That was his excuse for running away and hiding in denial for so long. And he had actually taken steps in the right direction, that was true.
It had been easier than he thought to delete his profile. Being a sugar baby had stopped being fun and exciting a while ago, but he knew that if he hadn't met Yoochun, he wouldn't have been able to quit like this.
He'd briefly wondered if he wouldn't miss being desired by so many men, but he knew from experience that being desired by a hundred men you don't care about ultimately doesn't actually make you happy.
He'd also raised his grades and found a part time job. And he was going to share a regular sized apartment with his friends, to live like a normal student without rich parents would. He was feeling better about himself in many aspects except the one that hurt the most.
Maybe there had been a valid reason to wait, but he'd still waited too long. He should at least have told Yoochun how he felt, told him to give him some time. Yoochun might have agreed to that.
Of course, he only thought of this when it was much too late. And then he spent another day regretting it and still not making the call.
Junsu agreed that it was probably too late, and told him he shouldn't get his hopes up. But in the end he still sat him down on the couch, pushed his phone into his hands and forced him.
After two seconds of holding the phone to his ear with a slightly shaky hand, Jaejoong wished he'd just sent a text instead. But Junsu said that wasn't personal enough and there was no guarantee Yoochun would reply.
click "..Jaejoong?"
Yoochun sounded very surprised, almost shocked. He really hadn't expected to hear from him again. Jaejoong didn't know what to say.
"Is this Jaejoong?" It was really Yoochun's voice in his ear. Jaejoong still had to get over the fact that he even picked up the phone.
Finally he found his own voice back. "Yes. I'm.. I called.. because.." He sounded awkward. He felt awkward, and stupid. Why hadn't he called before? The fact that Junsu was listening and gesturing for him to keep talking didn't make it easier at all.
"Is something wrong?"
"No. I just.. can we talk? Face to face?"
"What about? I thought.. you ended things between us? Yoochun sounded wary, and Jaejoong realised that he hurt him. He knew he had, but this was the first time he really felt it and guilt swept over him.
"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but I should be telling you this in person. Please?"
There was a short silence. Jaejoong tightened his grip on his phone and Junsu gave him a questioning look.
"Okay."
"I don't want to go."
Junsu rolled his eyes. "The worst he can do is reject you, and you dumped him first so you kind of deserve it."
"I'm scared."
"You have to go there anyway, or you'll lose your job. But fine, I'll go with you."
Jaejoong raised his eyebrows. "Will that make it better or worse?"
"You might need me to hold you back. I still haven't met this guy. If he turns out to be an asshole, I don't want you lying at his feet begging him to take you back."
".. I don't think you should come."
"Just pretend I'm your father and you need my consent for your marriage."
Jaejoong almost laughed. "My father would never consent to me marrying a man."
"Right," Junsu said, "which is exactly why you need me to stand in for him."
Jaejoong sighed. "Will you promise to keep a distance?"
"Only until you need me to save you."
"I'll give you a sign if that happens, okay?" Jaejoong was about to walk away, but he suddenly saw an opportunity. He turned back and added: "…and you have to bring Yunho."
Junsu frowned. "Why?"
"Do you want to sit alone? You'll look sad and lonely. It'll also look less suspicious with two people. Don't you watch spy movies?"
Jaejoong couldn't focus on his work at all. He'd only just learned how to make all the drinks, but his coworkers didn't go easy on him. It wasn't a busy day, so luckily there weren't a lot of orders to screw up, but it also meant he had time to throw nervous glances at the door and go through several bad to worst case scenarios in his head.
Junsu and Yunho sat at a table in the corner, happily chatting away. Jaejoong was glad that at least that set up was working out well.
Someone told him he could go home early since there wasn't much to do. She probably took pity in him because of his shaking hands. But he refused. Yoochun had to see him at work here, if Yoochun would even show up..
His eyes were permanently fixed on the door now, so he wouldn't jump every time it opened, but Yoochun's arrival still took him by surprise.
The man who entered wasn't Yoochun, but he seemed vaguely familiar. Jaejoong froze when he recognised Shim Changmin. Yoochun appeared from behind his tall body.
So Yoochun hadn't come alone either. This was fair, but also terrifying, and Jaejoong suddenly got so much more nervous than he already was. Both men looked around, but Yoochun was the fist to notice him standing behind the counter. Their eyes met, and Jaejoong wanted to run away.
"What is this?" Changmin said when he followed his friend's gaze. "You asked him to come out here to meet you but you're working? That's a bit rude." It wasn't the reaction Jaejoong had hoped for. Was Changmin here to ruin everything?
"I didn't want him to come with me," Yoochun explained without Jaejoong asking, "but he insisted." There was very little emotion in his voice or expression. They were guarded. This hurt a lot more than Changmin's words.
"My shift just ended. I'll.. I'll be right there. Would you like to order something first?"
Yoochun was about to say something. Changmin was faster. "I don't think we'll be here long enough to finish a drink." Yoochun didn't protest, but he did give Jaejoong an apologetic look before he followed Changmin to a table.
Jaejoong clenched his hands into fists and turned around.
"Wait a minute, finish my order before you go. I've been waiting forever."
Jaejoong turned back to give Junsu a puzzled look.
"Yes I'm talking to you," Junsu said. He glanced over his shoulder, leaned against the counter and mouthed: 'Which one? The tall one?'
Jaejoong shook his head.
"Pity," Junsu said out loud. He probably hadn't followed their conversation, because if anyone fit Junsu's idea of the worst kind of sugar daddy, it was Changmin, even if he was good-looking.
Still, he was probably being mean because he cared about Yoochun. He was a good friend at least, though that didn't make him any less intimidating. Jaejoong thought about how to handle the unexpected problem of Changmin's presence as he went to change out of his uniform, but his mind was completely blank.
He still didn't know what to do when he'd walked around the counter and sat down at the table Changmin and Yoochun had picked. Sitting in front of the two older men, he automatically lowered his head. One of them definitely hated him and the other might as well. They both looked unhappy.
"Don't mind me," Changmin said, "break his heart some more. I'll let you know when you're going too far." His voice was icy cold.
Jaejoong felt what was left of his courage drain away in an instant and he had to remind himself to keep his back straight. But Yoochun simply ignored the comment. "Changmin has told me that he met you," he said, "so I don't have to introduce him."
Changmin had told him about their conversation? Jaejoong tried to hide his shock and nodded.
"I hope you're not feeling guilty because of what he told you," Yoochun continued. "There is no need for you to take responsibility for my choices.. if that was bothering you."
Changmin scoffed and was about to say something, but this time it was Yoochun who spoke first. "Min, please stay out of this."
Jaejoong finally looked up. "I'm still sorry."
Yoochun shook his head. "I'm not mad at you. I don't really have the right to-"
"Please let me apologise, please." Jaejoong said. "Not just for that."
Yoochun looked at him. "What for?"
'Everything' was too easy, and also untrue. He wasn't sorry for capturing Yoochun's heart, just for treating it the way he had.
"I'm sorry I rejected you the first time, at the club where Yunho works."
That surprised Yoochun, Jaejoong saw it in his eyes.
"I don't remember it," he added quickly, fighting the urge to look away, "Yunho told me. I probably had a bad day and I'd drunk too much, if that counts as an excuse. I really wish I could go back to that day. But I'm even more sorry about the second time, because I said something I didn't mean.. and I hurt you consciously... I'm sorry."
Yoochun's expression became guarded again. "It hurt," he agreed. "I was worried about you, trying to figure out what I'd done wrong.. and then you dumped me, over the phone."
Jaejoong winced. He'd definitely screwed up.
"Did you just want to meet me to apologise?" Yoochun asked.
"He's wondering why you couldn't have done this over the phone as well," Changmin said.
"Changmin," Yoochun warned, but it was already too much for Jaejoong. He'd been able to deal with Junsu's harsh comments, but Junsu was a friend and didn't mean half of them. Changmin's words hurt a lot.
Yoochun must have seen him tense up or sensed his distress some other way, because he said: "Don't listen to him. I'm not mad-"
He was interrupted by Junsu, who suddenly appeared behind Jaejoong and said: "Are those men bothering you, Jae?" He lay a hand on Jaejoong's shoulder and shot Changmin and Yoochun a challenging look. "Maybe you should go hit on someone your own age."
Changmin scoffed, Yoochun looked surprised and Jaejoong wanted to disappear. "I'm fine, Su. I can handle it."
"I don't know," Junsu said. "You don't look fine."
"I agree," Yunho said, standing next to him. He avoided looking at Yoochun but glared at Changmin.
"You have bodyguards?" Changmin asked. "What did you think we were going to do to you?"
"Break his heart," Junsu said. "He really falls in love far to easily. Jae, I don't think these guys are worth even one percent of the emotional breakdown you went through."
Junsu was obviously saying this to be provocative, or something. Jaejoong didn't know what he was planning to achieve. All he wanted was to talk to Yoochun. To just..
"Can we talk somewhere else?" Yoochun suddenly asked him. "Alone?"
Jaejoong almost jumped out of his chair, ignoring Junsu's protest. "Yes.. here." Yoochun got up as well - ignoring Changmin's protest - and followed him behind the bar, through a door and then through another. Jaejoong didn't want his co-workers to eavesdrop either.
They had barely enough space to stand. The tiny room was filled with old bar stools and cleaning supplies. The single lightbulb took a while to start glowing brightly enough to push back the darkness between the piles.
It wasn't romantic or comfortable at all. Jaejoong immediately regretted this decision, but Yoochun stepped around him and laughed. "I'm hiding in a closet with an attractive man. I feel I should say I'm too old for this, but I don't really mind. May I?" He pulled a bar stool from a stack and sat down.
Jaejoong stood with his back against the door and managed an awkward smile. "I'm sorry about my friends."
"I'm more sorry about mine. I didn't come here to yell at you before hearing you out. Changmin gets too protective."
Jaejoong understood. Junsu would be like that too. "It's okay. It just hurt because he's right. I'm a terrible person."
"I don't agree with that," Yoochun said.
Jaejoong knew that couldn't be true but he didn't say anything.
"How have you been?" Yoochun asked. "Your friend mentioned.. an emotional breakdown?"
"I got scared," Jaejoong said, finding Yoochun's eyes. "I never explained why I suddenly ran away that morning. I got scared because I had started to like you, a lot, but I knew so little about you and you were my sugar daddy and somehow it all felt wrong. That's why I called to end things. I hated myself after, and then Changmin and Yunho told me who you are and I.. I've never regretted anything this much in my life."
There was a short silence.
"I did wrong too," Yoochun said. "I lied to you. And just because it was easier to get you to spend time with me if I paid you, doesn't mean I should have used that method. I told you I was pleased when I noticed you didn't enjoy being a sugar baby, but that was after I had made you into mine. You're not the bad guy here."
"I was already sugar baby anyway," Jaejoong protested. "I hurt you more."
Yoochun shook his head. "We both did stupid things." He studied Jaejoong's eyes. "Are you still a sugar baby?"
"No," Jaejoong said without hesitation. "Never again. I got a job here, I'm moving into a more affordable apartment and I'm focusing on becoming an architect."
Yoochun smiled. "I'm glad. I'm truly glad to hear that. I hope you can be happy as well, in your new life."
Jaejoong was afraid to ask, but he had to. This was the time.
"Will you be there with me?"
Yoochun seemed to hesitate, but maybe Jaejoong just imagined that.
"No." One simple word that made his heart sink.
"I hope you will find someone who deserves you," Yoochun said. "Someone who will be a real boyfriend from the start, not a fake sugar daddy."
There was a silence. Not a comfortable or slightly awkward silence, but one so heavy it felt like a wall between them. Jaejoong leaned against the door, needing the support. He tried to hide his tears by tilting his head back, but when he closed his eyes, they were inevitably pushed down his cheeks.
Yoochun stood up and moved as if to brush them away, but he held back. There was sadness in his eyes as well. "I'm too old for you anyway."
Just being this close to him increased Jaejoong's heart rate. The lighting wasn't great, but he didn't need to look at Yoochun's face or body to know how attractive he was, those were only superficial details anyway. He shook his head. "It's the first time in years that I found someone I really like and I screwed up."
"You'll find someone else," Yoochun said, "someone better. Just don't leave without a word after your first night together and don't dump them over the phone and you'll be fine." He smiled like it was meant to be a joke, but Jaejoong cringed.
Yoochun leaned forward almost like he was going for a kiss and Jaejoong held his breath. It was insane how much he longed for this, but Yoochun stopped again. He took a deep breath and created some space between them.
"You're beautiful and smart, Jaejoong, and I honestly don't think I deserve you." He stepped aside and reached for the door handle.
Jaejoong didn't protest, but not because he agreed.
It took him a while to get his legs to move and follow Yoochun out to the front. He felt dazed. Rejection was what he'd expected. He hadn't dared to hope for more. But now that was over, it felt like their conversation had ended too fast.
Junsu and Yunho had moved back to their table and Changmin was sitting alone, with his back turned to everyone. Yoochun tapped his shoulder and said: "let's go."
Jaejoong leaned against the counter. He felt empty. Junsu jumped up and walked to him while Yunho - very awkwardly - greeted Yoochun. "What happened?" Junsu asked. "..did you cry? Was he mad at you?"
Yunho came over too. "What I heard didn't sound angry," he said. Behind him the door opened and closed. Changmin and Yoochun were gone. Yoochun left without another word. Jaejoong stared through the glass into the distance.
"Yunho was worried, so he followed you and listened at the door for a while. Just to make sure you were alright," Junsu said. "I stayed here pretending to ignore his bitchy friend, was that Changmin? Anyway, what happened?"
Jaejoong took a deep breath, let it go and looked at his friend. "Didn't you hear that from Yunho already?"
"I only heard up to him asking if you were still a sugar baby," Yunho said. "It sounded like you were okay and making up, and then your manager asked what I was doing there."
"From what Yunho told me Yoochun was really nice about everything," Junsu said. "And he's cute too. I take back hoping he was the tall arrogant one. That one is definitely not your type."
Jaejoong smiled. He was grateful his friends were there for him, and he decided he'd made them deal with more than enough of his drama recently. He also wanted to savour this last opportunity to pretend that it wasn't over.
"So you like Yoochun?" he asked.
"Is that important right now?" Junsu said. "Tell me how your conversation ended. He just left but you seem fine. Did you plan another date?"
Jaejoong didn't feel fine, mostly numb, but he could pretend. "First I want to know the verdict of my father who will have to approve of my marriage."
"Oh, right," Junsu said, "I'm sorry I stepped out of my role." He cleared his throat and pulled a serious face. "Are you sure you only like men? Is it really not just a phase?"
"Hey, stop being annoying, I'm curious," Yunho punched Junsu's arm, but he was smiling. Jaejoong rolled his eyes. "You're worse than my real father. Seriously, tell me what you really think."
"You want my opinion?"
"That's what I'm asking for."
"Okay. I'm mostly trusting Yunho on this," Junsu said, pausing to give Yunho a warning look, "but.. I think that guy's a real catch. You shouldn't let him get away."
Jaejoong forced a smile and nodded. "I'll try."
"Really? He forgives you?"
Jaejoong shrugged. "Kind of."
It felt strange, lying about this, but the alternative was admitting that it was over. If he kept his mind blank and denied it happened, the conversation with Yoochun didn't hurt. And it wasn't just that, but breaking down in front of his friends, again, and being pulled through it by Junsu, again.. it felt he'd done that often enough already. He could deal with something on his own for once, right?
Junsu sighed. "You're keeping details from me. I mean, you were in a dark closet seducing a guy, something definitely happened. But fine. I trust you to tell me later." He shot Jaejoong a meaningful look.
Jaejoong decided that the details were for him to worry about this time. Their conversations shouldn't always evolve around him.
"What did you think about Changmin?" he asked. "What did you call him? The tall sexy one?"
"I didn't call him that," Junsu said.
"But you were thinking it, weren't you?" Jaejoong knew his friend, and he wasn't blind himself. Changmin was attractive.
"Well," Junsu slowly admitted, "he seemed like an arrogant ball of sass on legs, but they were the longest legs I've ever seen on a man, in a very good way."
"I knew it," Jaejoong said. "You've given him a nickname in your head, haven't you? Something like 'Changmin sexy legs'."
"Oh my god," Junsu said, "you're terrible at this. More like Mister Long-legged Snarky Prince Changmin the Sexy." He gave them time to be impressed before he continued. "Seriously though, he's the kind of person that could get me into BDSM. Please tell me you stumbled upon a room full of toys in Yoochun's house. He's a Master, isn't he?"
"I don't know anything about Changmin's sex life and I'm not interested," Jaejoong said. He tried to sound annoyed, but he was watching Yunho's reaction to Junsu's words. He had been since he mentioned Changmin. It was the reason he brought up this topic.
Yunho didn't look happy. There was a frown on his face that Jaejoong didn't remember seeing before.
"I'm not sure if Yoochun will like it, but maybe I can set you up with him," Jaejoong suggested. He wondered if he was pushing it.
Junsu hummed as if he was considering it, but not long. "I'm not that eager to turn into a masochist, and he's old, not too old, but not really my thing."
Yunho seemed relieved. That was a good sign.
Jaejoong had talked to Yunho during class the day before. He'd promised Junsu he wouldn't, but he had to try. He had to do something. It seemed very possible to him that Yunho could return Junsu's feelings.
Yunho hadn't been too upset about being rejected by Jaejoong, which could mean he got over him a while ago, which could mean he found someone new, someone who could very well be Junsu, which would mean they were both being stupid.
That was a lot of maybes and wishful thinking, but still, Jaejoong's intuition told him it was definitely worth a shot.
"Junsu likes you, the way you liked me," he had whispered to Yunho. "Don't ever tell him that I told you, but I thought you should know."
Yunho's eyes widened. Jaejoong let him think about that for a while, but when Yunho opened his mouth, Jaejoong shushed him. He didn't want a reaction, he was just letting him know.
"Think about it. He's trying to get over you, so you might lose him to someone else. I'm not saying you should date him just because of that. You know what I mean. Don't hurt him. I'll kick your ass."
Then he had slipped out of the room to go to work, leaving a shocked Yunho to figure out how he felt about this.
He really hoped this would work out. It had to be possible. Why had Yunho even been there, skipping his own class to watch the final presentation of Junsu's project?
At the moment Jaejoong was looking from Yunho to Junsu and back. They were both being more quiet than usual. After Yoochun and Changmin left he got them new drinks, but the mood was definitely different than usual, and this time - even though it very well could have been - it wasn't because of him.
"I'll be right back. I still have some work to do" he said, motioning to the bar.
Junsu raised his eyebrows. "I thought you were done for today."
"I forgot to do some of the cleaning I was supposed to do," he lied. It wasn't terribly convincing, so he added: "because I was stressing over Yoochun all day." Junsu nodded in understanding.
This was a terrible idea, Jaejoong realised when he walked around the bar. If he wanted to give Yunho time alone with Junsu, he could just have told them he had to be somewhere else. Not here, where the only decent hiding place was that closet.
PART TWO
7. Coffee
6. Lemon
5. Banana
4. Wine
3. Mango
2. Cake
1. Chocolate