Title: Halfway
Pairing: Yunho/Changmin
Summary: They are a happy couple and their love is strong, even when Changmin's father falls ill, Changmin discovers he doesn't know Yunho as well as he thought and he gets to know himself better than he wants.
Warning: Angst and secondary character death, hopefully balanced by cuddly Yunho.
| First meeting |
Changmin used one hand to pay the driver and got out of the taxi while tightly holding his improvised tea towel bandage in place. His legs were slightly wobbly as he stepped onto the curb.
He wasn't afraid of pain and he didn't mind watching the most gruesome surgeries on TV, but seeing his own blood had caused him to faint at least once as a child. Right now, his head felt lighter than it should for an adult with only a small cut in his arm. He felt or imagined a wet spot in the towel under his fingers.
There is no blood seeping through, don't look, it's fine, he repeated in his head as he walked into the hospital, where they almost immediately asked him to take a seat and wait. He wasn't surprised. There were probably lots of people with heart attacks and severed limbs and even children with scrapes on their knees needing emergency medical care more than he did.
To pass the time, Changmin planned the way he would exaggerate his injury to Junsu later. He could pretend to have lost all feeling in his hand - he hadn't, he'd checked every finger during the taxi ride - or he could ask him to come over and then pretend to be unconscious on the floor of his apartment.
"Mister Shim?" A male voice pulled him out of his thoughts and also reminded him of what was about to come. Changmin took a deep breath and stood up. He turned around and faced a man wearing a white uniform. "My name is Yunho," he said, "follow me please." He flashed Changmin a bright smile.
Changmin didn't feel there was any reason for such a cheerful expression in this situation, and yet he liked that smile immediately. Calling it love at first sight would go too far - Changmin wasn't someone to rush feelings - but attraction at first smile was pretty accurate.
He followed Yunho through a door, into a room and behind a curtain and sat down on the bed there at his instruction. "So you cut your arm?" Yunho started with what was obviously a rhetorical question. "I'll take a look. How did it happen?"
Great, the embarrassing and the scary part at the same time. Changmin stammered something about the sharp-edged candleholder he'd tried to hang on the wall while Yunho carefully removed the tea towel. Changmin really didn't want to watch, but he didn't want to be obvious about it.
"A candleholder?" Yunho raised his eyebrows, but spoke with a genuinely curious, not judgmental sort of voice.
"It was a gift from a friend," Changmin added anyway. "He said my apartment needs a more vintage look. I think it's ugly, maybe it noticed and turned on me." As soon as he dared to move his arm again, he would use it to strangle Junsu.
"So you're the kind of man who takes people's advice seriously even when you disagree completely," Yunho said with another smile. "You may be a questionable handyman but you're a good friend."
Changmin just nodded, teeth clenched, because Yunho was cleaning the wound and he'd given in and peeked at it.
"It's not as bad as it looks," Yunho said. "It must have been a vicious candleholder that did this, but a few stitches will do. I'll give you a temporary bandage for now." Changmin was glad the wound was covered up again, but he light feeling in his head didn't go away immediately.
"You can lie back while you wait," Yunho said. It sounded more like advice than a suggestion. Changmin wanted to refuse. Who has to lie down because of a small cut? But then Yunho's hand was on his shoulder and he willingly sat back against the pillow. He did feel a little better.
Yunho stood up and walked to the curtain. "If you just wait here, a doctor will come and help you soon. She's busy with another patient at the moment. I'll be nearby and available for any questions."
"You're not a doctor?" Changmin said, surprised.
Yunho smiled. "I'm your nurse."
"Oh," was the only thing Changmin could say. That was embarrassing. Yunho probably got that a lot, being a male nurse. Now Changmin was one of the annoying people who always assume the same thing. Great first impression.
"Are you feeling alright?" Yunho asked.
Changmin managed a nod. "Yes."
Yunho walked back to him. "I can stay here and wait with you," he said. He sat down again on a stool at Changmin's side.
"I'm really okay. You're probably busy.." Changmin could tell from Yunho's face that he sounded less convincing than he thought he did.
"I always have time for my patients," Yunho said with the most attractive smile yet. "Just tell me if you're feeling a little dizzy. I can lower your bed for you."
Yunho didn't say it like he was talking to a child at all. He wasn't laughing either. Changmin was impressed by that. He hated showing weakness. He felt embarrassed, but it was kind of nice to have Yunho next to him.
"One of our best surgeons is afraid of seeing his own blood," Yunho said. "He stays calm during the most bloody surgeries, but one time he cut his finger peeling an apple and he turned as pale as his lab coat and had to sit down."
Yes, Yunho had seen right though him. Changmin was grateful for the comforting words, but he'd rather talk about something else now. "Shouldn't a surgeon be good with a knife?"
Yunho shrugged. "I think there's a significant difference between an apple and the human body, so I'm not too worried. There's also less peeling in surgery."
That made Changmin smile. And as he slowly calmed down, he paid more attention to his surroundings. It turned out that besides a great smile, Yunho also had a kind face, neatly coiffed brown hair and broad shoulders. Of course his nurse had to be male and this good-looking. Today was the worst day.
Changmin had more or less come to terms with his sexuality years ago, when his feelings for a boy grew so strong that he decided to come out to his parents, which didn't go down so well. He'd moved out soon after that. But he hadn't been in a relationship for a while, and it still made him slightly uncomfortable to be this attracted to a man. At the same time though, it was the best feeling in the world.
"Where's my laceration?" he heard a female voice say from another room.
"Over here," Yunho replied. He smiled at Changmin's expression. "She does think of you as a person. It's just the way she talks. She's really good, don't worry."
Changmin did worry a little bit, but not enough to admit it. He really wished Yunho would stay where he was, though he didn't dare to ask that either.
The doctor was a short woman with sharp, intelligent eyes but a kind smile and a good sense of humor. Yunho stayed, and Changmin survived. It wasn't even that bad, injecting the anesthetic was the worst, but it helped to stay focused on Yunho's face.
And then it was suddenly time to go home, the moment Changmin had looked forward to when he was still in the waiting room. Yunho told him how to take care of his arm and finished up the paperwork.
"You're good to go," he said.
"Thank you." Changmin tested his legs. He'd probably be able to walk out without falling over. He noticed Yunho observing him carefully and smiled. "I'm sorry I took up so much of your time."
"It's my job," Yunho said. Changmin expected him to show that addictive smile again then, and felt disappointed when he didn't. Yunho's mind seemed to be somewhere else, already with another patient perhaps.
"I'll.. yeah.. thank you." Changmin started to walk away.
"Wait," Yunho said. Changmin turned back.
"I try not to flirt with patients," Yunho said carefully, "because I don't want to make them uncomfortable, but since you're leaving.. I want you to know that you're the most attractive man I've ever met and that I'd gladly give you my number if you want it."
Changmin was shocked, not just by the fact that Yunho was interested in him as well, but mostly by the confident and believable way he delivered such a big compliment. It didn't sound like a rehearsed pick-up line. There was genuine awe in his voice.
Yunho was looking at him with calmly expectant eyes. He did seem to be the kind of man who would be that honest and open about his feelings, it fit with his smile. Changmin immediately wanted to say yes, to please give him his number.
There was also a voice in his head that told him this was a bad idea. The most cowardly way to get out of it was to say he was straight. Changmin had used that one once and despised himself for weeks. No matter how much easier his life would be if it were true, it wasn't, and he'd lied to a man who'd mustered up the courage to confess. Saying he simply wasn't attracted to Yunho would almost be as big a lie.
But if he did give in, he'd have to go all the way right now. There were so many reasons he would think of later why it would be better not to call.
"Are you free tonight?" he asked.
Yunho showed him the happiest smile yet and Changmin felt like he might have to be admitted for heart failure.
A week later, he cancelled his doctor's appointment to have his stitches removed, because Yunho said he'd do it for him.
| Two years later |
Changmin fills two bowls with soup and carries them to the table. Yunho called half an hour ago to say that he was heading home. Changmin can hear him take off his coat in the hallway now.
He is still setting the table when Yunho takes a seat and shows him his brilliant smile. "This smells great."
"Of course it does." Changmin hides the surge of pride he feels behind a smug expression. Neither of them are amazing cooks, but at least he's a little bit better. He hands Yunho a spoon and sits down in front of him.
"How was your day?" Yunho asks.
"Uneventful. I placed more ads and I briefly spoke with a client this morning, but just to answer a simple question. Did you speak to that niece who's starting a company? Does she need an accountant?"
"Oh, right, I'll ask her tomorrow." Yunho waves with his spoon. "This is really good."
Changmin scowls at him. "I need to find more work soon our I'll end up just being your housewife." He doesn't mean to sound annoyed. Yunho is not responsible for his lack of clients. He knew this would happen when he decided to quit the renowned but restrictive company and work from home. It's just frustrating that he has to start over and build a name for himself.
"I wouldn't mind that," Yunho says teasingly, but Changmin notices the curious look he gives him. He ignores it. "Did you nurse today?"
"No, the manager will be sick for a while and everyone seems happy with me in this position." Yunho pauses and looks at him. "I've been asked to take over full time."
"That's good, right?" Changmin says. ".. do you want to?"
"I don't know.. I only just moved to oncology. I'm not familiar with everything yet. But the job is unexpectedly fun. If I was still in ER I'd say yes immediately. I'll think about it."
Changmin can only picture Yunho as a nurse. But he's a people person and full of positive energy. He wouldn't have trouble managing a team and he probably wouldn't even be bothered by everyone coming to him with their complaints. Personally, he would prefer an administrative job over dealing with dying people all the time.
"I still don't understand how you can love the hospital so much. I'd be depressed within a week." He says. Again, he doesn't really mean it. The words just leave his mouth before he can stop them.
Yunho shrugs. "I don't understand how doing taxes can be fun."
"I help people manage their money. It's a very important job," Changmin snaps back. He does realise he's provoking Yunho for absolutely no reason. It only fuels his annoyance.
"Is your headache back again?" Yunho asks suddenly.
Changmin considers keeping up the pretence that he's fine, but it's really no use when Yunho is looking at him like that, all knowingly and caring. He nods, secretly relieved. "How did you know?"
"Because they teach you to smell pain in the second week of nursing school," Yunho says, "or because I've been living with you for a year and you're an open book to me, whichever you're more comfortable with."
Changmin closes his eyes. "Not in the mood for jokes." Yunho only starts joking about serious things when he's worried. Changmin doesn't need him to be worried.
"You should just tell me right away when you're hurting," Yunho says. "Your stubbornness sometimes makes me wish I fell in love with an easier person." He shakes his head. "But on the other hand it's something I like about you."
"I knew that you'd overreact if I told you," Changmin says. "You probably see so many people with brain tumors at work that you forget it's actually a rare occurrence."
"I'm not overreacting and I don't think you have a brain tumor," Yunho says, "but I can still be worried when you're in pain for the third time in a week. What did you take?"
"Ibuprofen, didn't help much."
"And you've never had headaches this often before? No other symptoms of migraine either?"
"It's just this week, maybe I'm stressed about work.. the lack of it.. I don't know."
"My grandmother used to say sudden headaches are a bad omen," Yunho says.
Changmin groans. "Thank you, that really helps."
"Come on," Yunho says. "Leave the dishes, I'll do them later." He leads Changmin to the couch. Changmin lies down on his back with his head on Yunho's lap. He closes his eyes and relaxes.
Yunho starts gently massaging his temples. Maybe it's simply the warmth and presence of Yunho's hands on his skin, but Changmin feels better immediately. He still hates showing weakness, but he's learned that when it's to Yunho, it's not actually so bad. The pounding behind his eyes is replaced by a warm, comfortable fuzzy feeling and Changmin slowly drifts off.
When he opens his eyes, he notices the complete darkness of the room save for the flickering light of the TV in the corner of his eyes. There is no sound though and he turns his head to see that subtitles are turned on. When he looks up he sees that Yunho has fallen asleep, leaning back against the couch and with one hand by Changmin's head and one on his stomach.
Changmin slowly sits up. Too late, he notices the remote sliding from his stomach and he hears it hit the ground. Yunho's eyes open and blink, looking at him sleepily. It's so adorable that Changmin can't stop himself and presses a kiss to the man's lips.
Yunho hums. "Mmm. Feel better?"
"Yes. Thank you. What time is it?"
Yunho glances past him at the TV screen. "Somewhere between ten and eleven. I think closer to eleven, looks like there's a cliffhanger coming up."
"Let's go to bed. You've worked all day."
"But the dishes-" Yunho protests.
"I'll do them tomorrow. I've got lots of free time."
Yunho flashes him a smile. "I love you."
Changmin rolls his eyes. "Yes I know, you say that all the time." He stands up before Yunho has time to react.
Changmin brushes his teeth and takes off his clothes and waits for Yunho in their bed. When he comes out of the bathroom, the first thing Yunho does is lean over him for a kiss. Changmin slides his fingers through Yunho's damp, playfully wavy hair and pulls the blanket back so he can join him.
"I know I said that a bit jokingly earlier, I'm sorry. I do mean it," Yunho says, with a tone of voice that reveals this has bothered him the whole time he spent in the shower. Changmin doesn't need him to say it. He already knows, of course, and he knows that Yunho knows that too, but he still appreciates the reassurance.
"I'm sorry I'm such a difficult person to be with sometimes," he says. He hasn't really done anything he needs to apologise for tonight, but he's sure Yunho knows what he means. "I love you."
"You're not." Yunho kisses his mouth again and then moves down to his chest. "I love you," he says, hot breath ghosting over Changmin's skin.
Changmin represses a shiver as his heart floods with affection for the man on top of him. Yunho is the only one who knows how to make him feel vulnerable and safe at the same time.
| The next day |
Changmin is cleaning the underside of the table out of boredom - something he doesn't think he's ever done before - when Yunho calls.
Changmin wonders if he is going to ask him out for sushi tonight, of if he's just checking up on him because he's worried about the headaches. There aren't many other reasons Yunho would call him during working hours. Yunho is busy and shouldn't have to worry about him though. Changmin tries to sound as cheerful and definitely-not-having-a-headache-right-now as he can.
"Hey, what's up?"
Yunho never sounds panicked. Even when he's extremely worried about something, he covers it up by cracking jokes. So Changmin is shocked to hear his voice tremble.
"Changmin, what is your father's name?"
If the situation allows it, Changmin pushes all thoughts of his father as far away as he can. He absolutely hates to be reminded. Yunho should know that. "Why.."
"I'm looking at the file of someone who just got admitted and you're listed as his son. It says he doesn't want us to contact you so I'm breaking all sorts of rules here that can get me fired, but if it's your father.. I thought you should know, Changmin, he is dying."
| Part Two |