Super Junior AU; QMi; Knowledge and Memory, Reason and Emotion
Title: Knowledge and Memory, Reason and Emotion (or, Math Is a Wonderful Thing)
Fandom: Super Junior AU (High School)
Pairing: Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi, Siwon/Hankyung/Heechul, Kibum/Donghae
Word count: 8,258
Rating: NC-17
Summary: After a week and three days of attempting to teach Zhou Mi maths, Kyuhyun had realised that somehow, Zhou Mi thought that they were friends.
A/N: This was very hard to write, and I think it shows. For meitachi, because she practically owns this AU and needs more QMi to get her through life.
Also, new layout, guys! :D!
“Look,” said Kyuhyun. “I understand that they want me to tutor him. What I don’t understand is why they want me to tutor him.”
Sungmin stared at him blankly.
“I mean,” clarified Kyuhyun. “He’s in the senior year. I’m only in my first year. What would I be able to teach him?”
Sungmin gave him a Look. “Do not even attempt that with me, Cho Kyuhyun,” he said. “You’re taking college level classes, you are more than capable of teaching one foreign exchange student how to use integrals.”
“Okay, fine,” said Kyuhyun. “So I don’t want to teach him. How about that?”
“Well,” said Sungmin. “You should have thought about that before you skipped so many of your normal everyday classes that you have to do this in order to get extra credit so that your teachers will actually pass you for this year.”
“I hate it when you’re right,” said Kyuhyun.
Cho Kyuhyun is a genius, and he knows that it’s not a sign of arrogance that he is able to say so; the fact is that he is, that he is naturally smart and clever, and finds the things that most people struggle to learn as easy as counting to five. His normal, every day lessons bore him, because while everyone else bites their pencils and sticks their hands in the air and whines about how they can’t do it, he can barely be bothered to write it down, because the answers are so obvious to him. He is well versed in literature, takes after school college classes in maths and science, and is almost fluent in Mandarin and English. There are only two people in the entire school who rival him, and he has never spoken to either of them.
Unfortunately, the boredom, the sheer, undiluted monotony of school caused him to skip the classes that he found the easiest; he hadn’t attended a single maths class in two months when his teacher finally called him on it, and at that point it came out that his absences was causing him to fail, that he had missed exams and tests and assignments that could be useful for university applications. The only way that he could pass those classes, they said (because they already accepted that he knew the work), would be if he took on some tutoring work.
And that was how he found himself trying to teach math to the Chinese exchange student in the third year, the one who had only been there for a couple of months but was already failing most of his subjects, with the exception of music and art, but they were elective subjects, and didn’t count so much as the core ones.
The third year Choi Siwon, one of the two who were easily as clever as Kyuhyun himself, was tutoring the exchange student in all his other subjects, but they had been unable to find time to fit in the maths section, and so Kyuhyun was stuck with it.
To be honest, he didn’t even know the boy’s name; he had never needed to know. Kyuhyun was not known as a people person. It was hard to get close to him, and he made it that way, because of the simple fact that if someone did manage to get to know him, then they were probably one of the only ones that he considered worth knowing. Girls fell in love with him, confessed, and were rejected bluntly, the knowledge soon put in their minds that to Cho Kyuhyun, they were simply nothing. He had very few acquaintances, just the one friend. He didn’t feel as though he needed anything else.
His first meeting with the exchange student took place on a Wednesday afternoon, as the majority of the school left for home and the rest headed for their clubs, in a classroom on the third floor of the Arts block. The boy was already sitting at a desk when Kyuhyun arrived; he had pushed two together so that they would be able to sit next to each other, and he was lying casually back in his seat when Kyuhyun opened the door and stepped through, his shirt loose at the hips and long legs stretched out in front of him, and when Kyuhyun came in, he tipped his head to the side and smiled widely.
“Hey,” he said cheerfully. “Are you my tutor?”
Kyuhyun nodded slowly. His Korean was far from perfect; he messed up the pronunciation of the words slightly, but the meaning was still there. If the worst came to the worst, he supposed, he could always give Mandarin a try.
“Good,” said the boy. “You’re cute. Gege kept telling me they’d give me someone ugly.”
“Gege?” asked Kyuhyun.
“Oh,” said the boy. “Hyung, I mean. Hankyung-hyung.”
Kyuhyun had seen the older boy around, the only other Chinese student in the school, the one with bright blonde hair, the one who always had Kim Heechul hanging over him, who was apparently in a relationship with the other one who was tutoring the boy in front of him. Considering that he was failing, Kyuhyun wasn’t surprised that he hung around with such people.
“I’m Cho Kyuhyun,” he said, holding out his hand. The boy took it and shook it, looking him up and down carefully.
“I’m Joomyuk,” said the boy. “But I kind of hate that name. Do you mind calling me by my Chinese name?”
“Um,” said Kyuhyun. “Yeah?”
“Zhou Mi,” said the boy. “It’s nice to meet you, Kui Xian.”
“Kyuhyun,” corrected Kyuhyun.
“That name is impossible to say,” said Zhou Mi. “I’m going to call you Kui Xian.”
Zhou Mi, Kyuhyun found, was impossible. He wasn’t stupid and it wasn’t unfeasible for him to do the work that he was set; there were only a few things that he struggled with. His major problem was that he couldn’t see why you would want to do any of the stuff that he had been taught, how any of it was important for everyday life, and so he didn’t bother learning how to do it.
“But why,” he kept whining, when Kyuhyun tried to show him how to manipulate the graphs in order to get the answer that he needed. “Why do I need to do it?”
Kyuhyun finished the first session with a headache that threatened to split his forehead open, and the greatest urge to punch someone than he had ever felt. He immediately stormed over to Sungmin’s house, who opened the door onto him and remarked coolly, “You look angry.”
“Well aren’t you perceptive?” snapped Kyuhyun, coming through the door that Sungmin held open for him and putting his bag at the side. He followed Sungmin into the main room and threw himself down onto one of the chairs; he got the distinct feeling that Sungmin was laughing at him.
“That person,” said Kyuhyun, with much feeling, “is the most aggravating person I’ve ever met.”
“You’re just not used to people,” said Sungmin, in a way that was clearly supposed to be soothing but instead was rather patronizing.
“That’s not it,” said Kyuhyun. “He’s just - impossible! I kept telling him what to do and he already knew what to do! All he wanted to know was why he had to do it! And he sat there, the entire time, with this wide smile on his face, as if you were being the stupid one, not him.”
Sungmin looked at him with lowered eyebrows. “You weren’t horrible to him, were you?” he asked.
“Fuck, hyung,” said Kyuhyun. “Even you’d be nasty to him. I’ve never wanted to hit someone so hard in my life.”
“Ah well,” said Sungmin in a sing-song tone, and jumped up. “I’ll go get us some tea and you can calm down. You’ll give yourself a heart attack if you keep going on like this.”
An hour and a half later, Kyuhyun had almost forgotten the entire incident. Sitting in Sungmin’s room with the lights turned off and curtains drawn, tea and snacks in front of them, as they played violently on the games console, had a way of making Kyuhyun’s problems seem less than they had been previously. Sungmin sat with the length of his arm pressed against Kyuhyun’s, warm and comforting, his eyes focused on the screen in front of them, and so he missed the several times that Kyuhyun looked at him, raking his eyes over the contours of his face and coming to a rest on his lips, almost losing his half-concentration on the game they were playing when Sungmin drew his bottom lip through his teeth thoughtfully. Even only half-concentrating, he still managed to thrash him, and Sungmin put his head on his shoulder and whined about I’m the hyung, you should let me win.
“All’s fair in love, war and video games,” said Kyuhyun.
***
A loud shout of “Kui Xian!” down from the playing field as he came out of the school made Kyuhyun groan in exasperation. After a week and three days of attempting to teach Zhou Mi maths, Kyuhyun had realised that somehow, Zhou Mi thought that they were friends. Considering that Kyuhyun was rather short and sharp with him, and that they had never even spoken outside of the Arts classroom, Kyuhyun wasn’t sure where he had picked up this idea.
He wandered down to where Zhou Mi was sitting, pausing slightly as he took in the people who surrounded him on the picnic bench that he was sitting on. The four third years and a fellow first year were well-known in the school, infamous and proud of it. Kyuhyun had never spoken to any of them and he had rather wanted to keep it that way, but Zhou Mi was smiling encouragingly at him.
“Yeah?” he said.
“Want to eat lunch with us?” asked Zhou Mi. “We’ve got room.”
Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow, and then glanced at the other people at the table. None of them looked particularly bothered either way. Kim Heechul was sitting on Hankyung’s lap, legs stretched out over Choi Siwon’s legs, hands curled around a take-out cup of coffee. Hankyung’s hands were running through Heechul’s hair, as Siwon read a book. He glanced up as Kyuhyun approached, and then continued. Lee Donghae had his arm around Kim Kibum’s waist, and Kibum had his head bent over a textbook and was leaning away slightly, though when Kyuhyun looked closely, he could see Donghae’s hand resting possessively on Kibum’s hip.
Kyuhyun hesitated, a little unsure as to take him up on the offer, not through any sort of fear of the people he was sitting with, but rather because none of them looked like they actually wanted him there; if there is one thing Kyuhyun hates more than having to interact with people, it is interacting with people who don’t even like him. He was just about to make an excuse and leave when Heechul looked up.
“Hey,” he said, a slow smirk coming over his face. “Sit down.”
If there is one person in the school that everyone knows the name of, it is Kim Heechul. Kyuhyun is one of the few boys who are not terrified out of their skulls at the mere sound of his name; he is sexually aggressive and he is flirty and most boys fear him because they know that Kim Heechul knows exactly how to turn them on, regardless of whether they particularly want it or not - they also knows that he will turn them on regardless of whether he wants it or not, as he finds the whole thing a rather interesting game. Kyuhyun doesn’t fear Heechul, because to be perfectly honest, Kim Heechul is fucking hot and Kyuhyun would sleep with him the first chance he got.
Kyuhyun sat down, because when Kim Heechul told you to do something, then you did it, and began to eat his home-packed lunch, watching the others carefully from lowered eyelids. Although Zhou Mi was sitting next to him, he didn’t seem too interested in actually talking to him. Instead he was chattering away to Hankyung in rapid-fire Chinese that Kyuhyun was having trouble keeping up with. Siwon had rested his book on the table and was listening in with an interested expression; judging by the way Donghae’s lips kept twitching, he understood at least the funnier parts of the conversation. Heechul, on the other hand, had rested his head against Hankyung’s cheek, and was glaring possessively at Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi didn’t take any notice.
“Cho Kyuhyun, right?” said Heechul, finally deciding that he wasn’t going to get anything out of Hankyung. “First year?”
“Yeah,” said Kyuhyun. “I’m in class C.”
“Hmm,” said Heechul. He leant forward slightly, rested his head on his chin and looked closely at Kyuhyun with hooded eyes. “You’re really hot,” he said. “I think I’d like to-”
“Heechul,” Hankyung murmured into his ear. “Are you still coming to Donghae’s tonight?”
“Remembered that I’m here, have you?” asked Heechul.
“No one could ever forget you, hyung,” said Zhou Mi with a winning smile, and Heechul snorted at him. For all Zhou Mi seemed casually cheerful, he had put a hand on Kyuhyun’s arm the second Heechul had begun to talk to him, an hand which he didn’t remove, Kyuhyun noticed uncomfortably.
After a short while, Kyuhyun forgot himself and laughed at something that Zhou Mi said - all faces turned to look at him incredulously.
“You speak Chinese?” asked Zhou Mi breathlessly.
“Yeah,” said Kyuhyun in Mandarin. “Quite well, I’ve been learning for years.”
“That’s incredible,” said Hankyung. “I only had Siwon when I came here, Zhou Mi’s got loads of people to help him! Life is too unfair.” This last remark was directed Heechul in Korean, who smirked and whispered something, too quiet for Kyuhyun to hear, in a low, seductive voice, and Hankyung leered at him.
“So you’re teaching Zhou Mi maths?” asked Siwon.
“Well, I’m attempting to,” said Kyuhyun.
“Kui Xian,” whined Zhou Mi. “Stop being so mean.”
“Oh fuck,” said Hankyung. “He’s given him a Chinese name.”
Zhou Mi laughed lightly and changed the subject to something that didn’t involve school subjects, things that he apparently hated above all other things. The others fell into the trap quite easily, returning to the previous Mandarin, although this time Hankyung whispered translations into Heechul’s ear, and translated Heechul’s Korean remarks. Before long it was a conversation between Zhou Mi and Heechul, going through Hankyung as the third party.
Kyuhyun found himself wondering about the significance of gaining a Chinese name. He had grown used to the nickname, answering it automatically now instead of skipping a beat before he realised that it was supposed to be him; Zhou Mi always seemed to find that hilarious, and then Kyuhyun would be stuck wanting to hit him for up to half an hour. He was just pondering as to whether it was worthwhile asking about the name, when a shadow fell over the table.
He glanced up to see Sungmin smiling at them. “Hey,” he said, and then glanced, amused, over at Kibum, who looked up from his text book and smiled slightly. Sungmin gave a mock huff. “I see you’ve stolen another one of my friends, Heechul-shi.”
Kyuhyun remembered when Kim Kibum had first started hanging around with this group, a few months earlier. Sungmin had been friends with him, and still was, but it was in a slightly different way, talking when they saw each other at school and in the street, but never meeting up. Sungmin, Kyuhyun knew, didn’t really mind that, because he had been worried that Kibum would be lonely when he transferred from America, but Kyuhyun had never actually met Kibum before today. He had been the quiet boy in class A, the one who hung around the older delinquents and who had perfect grades; the one who was constantly being groped (or so it had always seemed to Kyuhyun) by Lee Donghae.
“It’s not stealing when they come willingly,” said Heechul casually, though he raised an eyebrow and smirked slowly, and Kyuhyun saw that Sungmin was one of the few people that Heechul actually respected. Sungmin was in the same class, and Sungmin knew all about Heechul’s behaviour, and Sungmin didn’t much care, not once he had seen how happy Kibum had become. Heechul respected that.
“Did you want me?” asked Kyuhyun.
“How do you not know that I’m here to see Kibum?” asked Sungmin.
“Are you?” asked Kyuhyun.
“No,” admitted Sungmin.
“Well, so,” said Kyuhyun, and Zhou Mi laughed a little.
“I was just coming to give you your video game back,” said Sungmin, rummaging around in his bag and pulling out the game that Kyuhyun had left at his house the night before. “You left it.”
“Oh,” said Kyuhyun. He knew that he had left it - leaving it had meant that he would have been able to go there tonight and see Sungmin again, hopefully stay for an hour or two, playing in the dark one more time. He took the game, fighting down the urge to scowl.
“I’ve got to go find Shindong,” said Sungmin, and he waved goodbye, and walked back up to the main doors of the school. Kyuhyun watched him go with a wistful expression that he couldn’t hide, and then turned back to the table, where a rather violent argument was starting up as to whether Siwon really was as annoying as Heechul kept saying he was.
Kyuhyun missed Zhou Mi watching him thoughtfully.
***
“That guy today at lunch,” said Zhou Mi later that afternoon, as he leant back in his chair and chewed on the end of a pencil, interrupting Kyuhyun as he tried to explain something. “Sungmin-shi?”
“Yeah?” said Kyuhyun, not really listening.
“Do you like him?”
The question caught Kyuhyun off-guard, so that he dropped his pen and stared with an open mouth at Zhou Mi, who looked innocently back at him. “He’s my best friend,” he said indignantly, though his thoughts were more along the lines of but how can he know?
“That doesn’t mean anything,” said Zhou Mi dismissively. “You can be friends with someone and still like them.”
“I-” Kyuhyun was still rather surprised, and Zhou Mi was looking at him so intently that he was having trouble stringing a denial together. He could see in Zhou Mi’s eyes that he knew exactly how Kyuhyun felt, and was just waiting for him to actually admit it. “I don’t.”
“Oh, you are such a liar,” said Zhou Mi, laughing at him now.
Kyuhyun stood up angrily. “You don’t know,” he said. “You don’t know anything about me. Stop pretending that we’re friends, stop pretending that you know me.”
Zhou Mi stared at him, a little shocked. “I was just joking,” he said. “Kui Xian, I was just-”
“Don’t call me that,” shouted Kyuhyun. “That’s not my name!” Zhou Mi blinked a little, and Kyuhyun realised that he had hurt him, just a little. He felt a strange satisfaction from it. “You know what?” he said. “Just forget it,” and he stood up, picked up his bag, and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut after him.
***
After Kyuhyun didn’t turn up for two of the after school sessions, Zhou Mi looked for him and found him sitting in a spare classroom on one of the high science stools listening to music. Kyuhyun had his eyes closed, so when Zhou Mi pulled one of the headphones from his ears, he had yelled in shock and jumped almost off the chair.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he asked, heart racing.
“I’m sorry,” wailed Zhou Mi, voice suddenly loud as he fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around Kyuhyun’s legs. “I’m really sorry, I’m sorry I pissed you off. Please, will you come back and teach me maths? I can’t do it without you!”
“What the fuck?” said Kyuhyun, and kicked out so that Zhou Mi fell over. “If you do that to me again, you’ll not know what just hit you.”
“Please, Kui Xian,” said Zhou Mi, looking slightly heartbroken. “Really, I’m sorry. I need you to teach me maths. I do not understand any of what we’re doing in our lessons.”
“You,” said Kyuhyun, “have got to be one of the most aggravating people that I have ever had to deal with.”
“You’re frigid,” said Zhou Mi cheerfully. Kyuhyun gaped at him.
***
“We’re all going to Donghae’s house tonight,” said Zhou Mi when they were nearing the end of one of the sessions a week later. He was again chewing on the end of a pencil. “The others are waiting for me. You can come, if you want.”
“To Donghae’s house?” Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow. “I mean, I know I sit with you at dinner but I didn’t think they liked me enough to want to actually spend time with me.”
“The more eye-candy the better in Heechul-hyung’s mind,” said Zhou Mi with a laugh. “Besides, the others like you. They must do, or else they wouldn’t actually let you sit with them.” There was a slight pause. “Plus, I agree with Heechul-hyung. Having something good to look at is always a bonus.”
Kyuhyun avoided his eye and looked down at the text book in front of him. It was things like this, compliments and admiration, that made him feel awkward and slightly lost around Zhou Mi. The boy seemed to run at one hundred miles per hour, jumping back and forth, rushing in with a quick fire compliment and then backing out again with a laugh at Kyuhyun’s confused expression. It left Kyuhyun feeling weird, put simply.
Not quite as weird as he ended up feeling in Donghae’s bedroom an hour later. Somehow he had managed to forget all the rumours about Kim Heechul, because sitting around with them at lunch, he didn’t seem as bad as he had been made out to be - he made a point of sitting in Hankyung’s lap, yes, and seemed to have an affinity for flirting and sexual innuendoes, but Kyuhyun had seen worse sitting on the train and watching men hit on the girls in their school skirts.
School was clearly a dampener for Heechul; while Kyuhyun didn’t find his behaviour in school to be as bad as some people saw it, it was still fairly over the top and outrageous. Compared to outside of school, however, Heechul was positively tame. It started when they were three or four streets from the school: Heechul slipped under Siwon’s arm, who wrapped it around his waist as Heechul slid his hand into Siwon’s back pocket. Kyuhyun didn’t bat an eyelid at that, because he had realised fairly early on that the three had an arrangement that seemed to work well for them. What had caused him to raise his eyebrows was when Heechul pulled Siwon towards him for a kiss, and then reached back to tug Hankyung closer.
“Guys,” moaned Donghae in a weary sort of way. “Stop it. We’re going to my house, remember? And you are not having sex there. Leave it for Siwon’s house, or Hankyung’s place. Or even Heechul’s house?”
“Spoilsport,” said Heechul, looking over his shoulder, lips swollen, and fingers curled around Siwon’s neck, who seemed a bit dazed. Zhou Mi snorted a little, and when Kyuhyun glanced over, he had both hands pressed to his mouth to stifle his laughter.
“Hyung,” said Kibum. The word could have applied to any of the boys standing around them, and apparently did, because Heechul let go of Siwon with a sigh, Siwon shook his head a little to clear it, Hankyung pulled his shirt from Heechul’s grasp, and Donghae wrapped an arm around Kibum’s shoulders and took off down the street with him, running like a madman and saying loudly and happily that Kibummie always does stick up for me, he’s so perfect.
Heechul strode forward, bag slung casually over his shoulder, a slight sway in his step, as Siwon wrapped an arm around Hankyung’s shoulder, and the two walked after him, looking for all the world like two world-weary servants following their master. Kyuhyun looked at Zhou Mi with a raised eyebrow.
“Are they always like that?” he asked.
“Only usually,” said Zhou Mi cheerfully.
Heechul lay on his side on Donghae’s bed with his head cushioned in Siwon’s lap when they arrived, hair in appropriately seductive disarray, as Siwon ran his fingers through it, and Hankyung brushed his fingers back and forth softly across the skin of Heechul’s hip where his shirt and blazer had rode up, while his other hand was tangled up with Siwon’s free hand; Kyuhyun could practically see Heechul purring.
Donghae collapsed onto the floor, making a show of being exhausted, and Kibum piled all the bags carefully into the corner of the room before he sat down himself, Donghae slipping a bit closer to sling his arms across his shoulders and rest his head on his shoulder. Zhou Mi sat down near the desk, and Kyuhyun followed him a little cautiously, choosing to stay close in this unknown environment.
“So,” said Heechul lazily. “About Eunhyuk’s party.”
“We’re going,” said Donghae. “I don’t care how any of you feel, we’re going to his birthday party.”
“Birthday party,” said Heechul with a snort. “It sounds like there’s going to be balloons and a cake with eighteen candles in it.”
“Kui Xian’s coming too,” said Zhou Mi.
“I am?” said Kyuhyun.
“Yeah,” said Zhou Mi, and smiled at him genuinely. “It’ll be fun; I think you’d really enjoy it. So you’re welcome to come, if you want. Eunhyuk won’t mind.”
“Okay,” said Kyuhyun slowly, and wasn’t too sure as to what he had just gotten himself into.
***
Kyuhyun was used to Heechul by this point, and used to his behaviour around Hankyung and Siwon. He could see the attraction on their behalf, could see what the relationship was built on, could see where it had came from and where it was going. What he didn’t quite understand was the relationship between Kibum and Donghae. It seemed to him that Kibum simply put up with Donghae, put up with his arm across his shoulder or around his waist.
“Kibum’s just quiet,” said Zhou Mi, when Kyuhyun mentioned it to them as they walked to Kibum’s house on the night of the party to pick him up. “He likes to watch people. Donghae makes up for his silence. They get each other.”
“Well, I don’t get it,” said Kyuhyun. “I mean, I’ve never even seen them kiss or anything. Compared to Heechul and his two, it’s like watching two brothers or something.”
Strangely, Zhou Mi collapsed into laughter at that, almost choking. “Brothers,” he gasped. “Oh, that’s a good one. Just wait until - oh, wait, it’s starting.” He motioned to Kibum’s front door, which was opening as they neared the wall around his house. “Oh, and Kibum works out, just so you know,” he added.
“I’m staying at Donghae’s tonight,” Kibum called into the house, back to them, and when a shout of acknowledgement came back, he turned around and slung a black leather jacket over one shoulder. Kyuhyun was rather taken aback by his appearance. His usually perfect hair had been styled into a casual mess that fell into eyes that had more than a necessary amount of eyeliner around them; his clothes were tight and black, his black vest showing off arms that had more than their fair share of muscles. He strode up to them, looking different than usual, looking more confident and aware of how good he looked.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” said Donghae, and immediately pulled him forward and kissed him long and deep, Kibum smiling slightly against his lips to begin with before it overtook him and caused him to moan, pushing up on his feet to get closer, dropping his jacket on the floor as he fisted his hands in Donghae’s collar.
Zhou Mi’s hand brushed his as he stared, and a shock ran up his arm and down to his toes quickly, and he snatched it away, and took his gaze from the two still kissing in front of him. He didn’t need to look at Zhou Mi to realise that he was confused.
“Hey,” said Heechul sharply. “Can we get to this party or what? Donghae, you’re the one who wanted to go.”
“Yeah,” mumbled Donghae, “yeah, just give me a minute.”
“No, Donghae,” said Heechul. “Or else, I’m just going to go off right now. One of my boys here will probably join me.”
Donghae and Kibum broke apart reluctantly. Donghae stooped down and picked up the jacket, dusted it off, slung it over his own shoulder and then put his arm across Kibum’s shoulder. Kibum rolled his eyes, but allowed himself to be walked off.
Kyuhyun had been at the party for half an hour and had only managed to finish half of the glass of strong alcohol that Heechul had placed in his hand when he bumped into Sungmin. To say he was shocked would have been an understatement.
“Hyung!” he said, almost spilling his drink on the girl sitting on a chair next to them. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I know the birthday boy,” said Sungmin with a cheerful smile. “Eunhyuk? I’ve known him for years.”
“I don’t know him,” admitted Kyuhyun. “Zhou Mi said I should come along.”
“Oh?” said Sungmin, and smiled in a way that Kyuhyun didn’t like. “You sound like you’re getting on well with him.”
“Yeah,” said Kyuhyun vaguely, and tried to change the subject. “Listen, which one is Eunhyuk, so that I don’t make a fool of myself?”
“That one over there,” said Sungmin, and pointed to a boy with dyed, dark auburn hair who was sitting on a sofa talking to Donghae. A tall, older man was sat next to him; he had black hair and an eerily similar smile. Kyuhyun was just about to remark on Eunhyuk’s older brother when Eunhyuk turned to the man and grinned. The man grinned back, put his arm around his waist and kissed him. The remark came to a juddering halt in Kyuhyun’s throat.
“That’s Tablo,” said Sungmin, seeing what he was looking at. “He’s Eunhyuk’s boyfriend, but he’s already graduated.”
“High school?” asked Kyuhyun, a little disbelieving.
“No,” said Sungmin with a laugh. “University. He’s a music major. There’s quite an age difference, much to Eunhyuk’s parents’ annoyance.”
“I can see why,” said Kyuhyun and took a sip.
“Hey, Kyuhyun,” said Sungmin a couple of minutes later, voice suddenly full of nervous anticipation. “Will you hold my drink for me?”
“Yeah,” said Kyuhyun, taking it. “Why?”
“Because I think I’m going to go talk to Sooyoung,” said Sungmin.
“Okay,” said Kyuhyun softly, and watched as Sungmin went nervously up to the tall, gorgeous girl that he had liked for around a year. Kyuhyun hated her, simply for being the person that Sungmin had crushed on; he would have hated anyone else just as much. He had liked - or was it love, so much stronger? - Sungmin for so many years that it seemed unfair for someone else to get his attention back.
After fifteen minutes, Kyuhyun decided that Sungmin probably wasn’t going to come back, and so he knocked back his own drink, finished Sungmin’s off, and then wandered to the bar area that had been set up; Zhou Mi was sitting next to it, and he waved slightly, and Kyuhyun collapsed down next to him.
“Hey,” said Zhou Mi loudly over the music. “Are you having fun?”
“Oh, sure,” said Kyuhyun. “Best time of my life, this.” He motioned over to where Sungmin was talking with Sooyoung, the girl leaning in as she laughed at something, Sungmin grinning in a self-consciously happy way. Kyuhyun slumped back, and didn’t explain any further. Although Zhou Mi hadn’t brought Sungmin up again during their tutoring sessions or during lunch, Kyuhyun knew that Zhou Mi knew. He didn’t have to say anything else.
“Ah,” said Zhou Mi, and stood up, leant over, grabbed another cup of the strong alcohol that was being served and shoved it into Kyuhyun’s hand. “Here,” he said. “Get drunk.”
“Thank you,” said Kyuhyun, and proceeded to do just that.
The night went on; the room turned pleasantly fuzzy, only Sungmin and Zhou Mi’s smile standing out in clarity as he drank. Zhou Mi chatted to him in Mandarin for a bit, until Heechul sauntered up and demanded that he danced with him. Zhou Mi did so with a sheepish grin, and Kyuhyun was left sitting on the sofa by himself, bitterness brewing in the pit of his stomach.
It seemed like all he did was turn around to pick up another drink, but when he looked back out over the crowd, Sungmin and Sooyoung had disappeared without a trace. He stood up slowly, swaying a little, and tried to look for them, but they had gone from the room. He had lost the ability to walk at some point in the night without being aware of it, and he stumbled out of the room and down the hall and into the kitchen, where he froze.
Sungmin and Sooyoung were outside - he could see them through the window, and it was difficult to see where one ended and the other began, Sungmin’s head bent down to kiss her frantically, her hands pulling him down onto the grass where he lay on top and kissed her some more. It hit Kyuhyun in the stomach, the knowledge that he had always possessed, the knowledge that Sungmin didn’t feel the same, that Sungmin wasn’t the same way inclined, suddenly horrific with the evidence in front of his eyes.
He turned around and tried to leave the room; he bumped into Zhou Mi at the doorway, who grinned and tried to steady him with a hand.
“Hey,” he said. “I’ve been trying to find you for ages. How much have you had to drink, by the way?”
Kyuhyun shook his head wordlessly, and Zhou Mi slipped his hand into his and squeezed lightly, comfortingly, and Kyuhyun stared at him, at the hair that fell into his eyes and the curve of his lips and leant in and kissed him, eyes shut tightly, trying to rid himself of the image of Sungmin and Sooyoung lying on the grass behind them.
Zhou Mi reacted differently than Kyuhyun ever would have thought; it was as though he had been waiting for it, waiting for that moment, his mouth leaping into life under Kyuhyun’s, hands coming up to curl around his neck and pull him closer. Kyuhyun made a muffled, choked sound, and clutched a little harder, a little more desperately, as Zhou Mi moaned and pressed closer.
“There’s a bedroom upstairs,” he whispered when they broke apart, eyes bright. “I don’t suppose you want to?”
Kyuhyun didn’t give an answer, just pushed forward with his body so that Zhou Mi stumbled backwards. He laughed, that bright, choked sound of being so happy that you can’t quite breathe; Kyuhyun couldn’t breathe either, ribs constricting, blood pounding in his ears, as Zhou Mi took his hand and led him up the stairs.
Zhou Mi pulled him down onto the bed with shaking fingers and kissed along his jaw and up to his ear, where he took the lobe between his teeth and bit. Kyuhyun gasped and reached out for him, not pausing until Zhou Mi was naked beneath him, moaning out his name, one leg wrapped around his waist, and Kyuhyun was thrusting to the rhythm set by the music thumping out below.
“Fuck,” he said, “fuck,” and then Zhou Mi came with a hoarse cry of Chinese, finger nails biting down onto Kyuhyun’s shoulders, so that he came too, with a cry of his own that he didn’t hear through the white pleasure and roaring in his ears.
He rolled off, onto his back next to Zhou Mi, gasping for breath. When his heart rate returned to normal, he realised that Zhou Mi was lying still, staring at the ceiling, silent, and he sat up and stared at him. Zhou Mi avoided his eyes.
“What is it?” he asked.
“You said ‘Sungmin’,” said Zhou Mi softly.
It was like another blow to the stomach, as he realised what he had just done. The badly concealed hurt on Zhou Mi’s face seared through him, so that he fell sideways off the bed and scrambled around for his clothes, cursing under his breath as he pulled them on. He left before Zhou Mi said anything, before he even moved.
“Hey Kyuhyun,” called Kibum as he tried to shoot past and out of the front door. He paused for a couple of seconds; Kibum had Donghae hanging from his shoulders and he was trying to kiss his neck. It looked like it should have been a lot more distracting than Kibum seemed to find it. “Have you seen Zhou Mi? Siwon’s taking Hankyung home, and Zhou Mi lives with him, so.”
“No,” said Kyuhyun. “No, I haven’t seen him.”
***
This time it was Kyuhyun who was left in the classroom, waiting, this time, waiting for Zhou Mi to come back to their study lessons, waiting to apologise. He felt that only there, only in the relative neutrality of the classroom, could he trust himself to not put his foot in it. The thought of having to do it in front of Zhou Mi’s friends turned his blood to liquid nitrogen in his veins. So he waited, and he sat by himself in the library like before during lunch, and nothing happened.
Eventually he had to seek Zhou Mi out, waiting late after school one night in order to catch him coming out of one of his late classes. Zhou Mi hesitated a little when he saw him and tried to brush past, but Kyuhyun reached out and took his wrist; Zhou Mi jumped like he had scalded him.
“We need to talk,” said Kyuhyun, and then cursed. “That was cliché. Can we? Talk, I mean.”
“If you want,” said Zhou Mi, and let him pull him sideways into a spare classroom.
“I’m sorry,” said Kyuhyun quickly and low. “I’m sorry for - what happened, and I still want to tutor you, if that’s okay.”
Zhou Mi stared at him with wide eyes. “That’s not it,” he said desperately. “That’s not it - I thought - you’d be angry with me. For taking advantage of you.”
“Taking advantage of me?” Kyuhyun was fairly incredulous.
“You were fairly drunk,” said Zhou Mi.
“We,” said Kyuhyun, and then paused. He couldn’t think of how to say what he wanted to say. “I’m sorry for it. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I’m willing to just forget about it, and I want to continue to help you with your maths.”
“Forget,” said Zhou Mi, and Kyuhyun missed the way he twisted his mouth around.
***
It hurt less, seeing Sungmin the next time. The knowledge and memory of what had happened afterwards stung more than the memory of seeing Sungmin lay down on the grass with Sooyoung. It was easy to smile and say hello and settle into a conversation; a conversation in which Sungmin mentioned that he had a girlfriend now, and Kyuhyun jumped in.
“Sooyoung?” he asked.
“Yes,” said Sungmin, and looked a little nervous. “Yeah, we got together after Eunhyuk’s party. I’m going out with her on Saturday.”
Kyuhyun was silent for a few minutes. He knew that right now, he wouldn’t be able to say, I’m happy for you, hyung. He wasn’t sure that he wanted to. The heavy pit of jealousy still lay in his stomach, still made it clench horribly as he thought that, maybe, at some point that he had missed, it could have been different and it could have been him that Sungmin pulled close and kissed.
“You,” said Sungmin, and then stopped, took a deep breath, and then started again. “You aren’t - angry?”
“Why would I be angry?” asked Kyuhyun casually.
“I know how you - I know how you feel about me.”
It always seemed to be this way, Kyuhyun thought bitterly. Those things that you tried to keep secret for so long, terrified of the consequences, they were always the things that everyone already knew. He laughed softly and turned his head away; Sungmin took his hand.
“I didn’t want this to hurt you,” he said. “Kyuhyun, you know I don’t want to hurt you.”
“How I feel has got nothing to do with it,” said Kyuhyun. “Hyung, I’ve kept it secret for so long, and I’ve never had a chance, have I?”
“I love you Kyuhyun,” said Sungmin. “Really, I do. But not in the way you want.”
“Forget it,” said Kyuhyun. “Forget it.”
“Anyway,” said Sungmin, voice bolstering up into almost cheerful. “I saw you that night with Zhou Mi anyway.”
Kyuhyun jerked back a bit. “You did?” he asked. “When?”
“Sitting on the sofa together,” said Sungmin, and Kyuhyun tried to let out a sigh of relief that would go unnoticed. “You looked cute together.”
Kyuhyun actually gaped at him.
“I’m glad,” said Sungmin. “I’m glad that you’ve found someone.”
“I.” said Kyuhyun, and then thought about the way Zhou Mi had laughed yesterday, the first time around Kyuhyun since that night, and stopped; he couldn’t think of anything to say.
***
“I’m scared,” said Kyuhyun.
“Nyuh?” said Zhou Mi, head over his text book.
“Yeah,” said Kyuhyun. “Why are you actually studying?”
“Important test,” said Zhou Mi, a little feverishly. “Important test.”
“Like that’s been a factor to you before,” said Kyuhyun.
Zhou Mi looked up and smiled at him. “If I do badly,” he said, “won’t that reflect badly on your teaching skills?”
“I don’t know why I bother,” said Kyuhyun, leaning back and rubbing at his eyes. “Seriously, you can do all this stuff, so I don’t know why you need me.”
“Back up support, Kui Xian,” said Zhou Mi, grinning sideways at him, and Kyuhyun’s lips twitched.
Zhou Mi turned back to his work, diligently going through each question painstakingly until he had the correct answer. Kyuhyun watched him with a book of his own held in front of his face as a cover. When it was like it, Kyuhyun found it awkward, the remembrance always flooding back to him, of Zhou Mi underneath him, hair stuck to his face, and then the strange resigned hurt that graced him afterwards. Zhou Mi never mentioned it, but Kyuhyun wondered.
“Do you ever think about that night?” he asked softly.
“I thought we were supposed to forget about it,” said Zhou Mi without looking up, and then pushed a hand through his hair. “Yes. And if you had been trying to think of the worst thing to say at that point in time, then telling me that we should just forget it was that.”
“Worst thing to say?”
“Fuck, Kui Xian,” said Zhou Mi, and finally looked up at him, and that look was all over his face again, resigned to being disappointed. “I wouldn’t have - kissed you back, done that, if I didn’t like you.”
“I don’t know,” said Kyuhyun mildly. “I mean, you’re a pretty slutty.”
“Being a whore is one thing I’ve yet to learn from Heechul-ge,” said Zhou Mi with a gasp of laughter that was more of a sob. “I wanted that, Kui Xian, more than I’ve ever wanted anything before in my life. And I didn’t think, I just took. You were there, you were willing, and I didn’t think about what I was doing. Afterwards, when you left, Heechul-ge found me. He told me to stop acting like a fucking girl about it, but you - fuck, Kui Xian, I think I’m in love with you.”
“I can’t say the same,” said Kyuhyun, and shook his head with a self-deprecating smile. “I can’t say here and now that I’m in love with you, or even that I really like you - I can’t - I can’t forget Sungmin like that. But I do - I want.”
Words failed him, but then he had never been much of a talker anyway. Zhou Mi had his eyes closed when Kyuhyun leant in and kissed him, fingers touching tentatively at Zhou Mi’s hip, tongue slipping through open lips nervously, with none of the advantage of knowing what to do, how far to take it, how far he could before it shattered between his hands and was lost forever.
“Don’t do this,” said Zhou Mi with a shuddering breath as he opened his eyes to look at him intently. “Not if you aren’t going to be serious about it.”
“Okay,” said Kyuhyun simply, and leant in to kiss him again.
***
Zhou Mi, it turned out, was so bad at video games that Kyuhyun often complained that it wasn’t even worth playing against him. Zhou Mi always laughed when he said that and nudged him in the side and claimed that it was because all the instructions were in Korean, which was a stupid language anyway, and “Kui Xian should translate it into Chinese for me~”.
Kyuhyun never did, but even so, this time, something felt different as they sat in his bedroom and played. It was strange, tentative somehow, as Zhou Mi’s arm came around his waist and stayed there, and Kyuhyun leant his head on his shoulder, and then Zhou Mi’s head bent down and the controllers fell to the floor, forgotten.
The first time since the first time; the implications of it weighed heavy in Kyuhyun’s mind as his fingers undid the buttons on Zhou Mi’s shirt, slipped the tie from around his neck, brushed over the skin of his stomach. Zhou Mi moaned, tried to reach up to pull him down, and then found that at some point Kyuhyun had fasten his wrists together using their two school ties.
He began to laugh softly, until Kyuhyun took him in his mouth, hands useless as Kyuhyun teased him to the brink and then pulled away and kissed him, mouth salty and bitter. He slid into him, hot and tight, and it was frantic like the first time, but different still, more meaningful, a reason for it, as Zhou Mi cried out Kui Xian, Kui Xian in quick succession, and though he still had no idea what he said as he came, or whether he said anything at all, Zhou Mi smiled at him afterwards, hand coming up to stroke at his hair, and Kyuhyun rolled his eyes and put his head into the curve of his neck and fell asleep.
***
A shadow fell over him as he tidied away his things at the end of school, and he could almost feel the excitement radiating off the person. “How did you do?” he asked without looking up.
“Better than you thought I would, no doubt,” trilled Zhou Mi.
“Try me,” said Kyuhyun.
“No,” said Zhou Mi. “First you have to guess.”
Kyuhyun pushed his chair back, stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. “No,” he said, and started to walk out of the classroom.
“Kui Xian,” whined Zhou Mi, following on after him. “Kui Xian, guess~”
“Are they dating?” one girl nearby said quietly to her friend.
“I don’t think so,” said the other, and Kyuhyun rolled his eyes and turned to face Zhou Mi, who stopped short and smiled widely at him, thinking that he was willing to guess.
“If some strange rumours start,” he said, “I am blaming you.”
“Guess Kui Xian,” said Zhou Mi firmly in Mandarin. “Seriously, it’s not that hard.”
“Okay,” said Kyuhyun. “I’m guessing that you failed everything.”
“That’s harsh,” said Zhou Mi, coming up beside him to walk out of the main doors and down to the gates where the others were waiting, Heechul buried under Hankyung’s shoulder. “No, I didn’t fail everything.”
“Someone tell me,” said Kyuhyun to the others. “How did he do?” He motioned a pouting Zhou Mi over his shoulder with a thumb.
“He failed everything,” said Heechul, giving Zhou Mi a thumbs up.
“Except maths,” said Siwon bitterly, and Hankyung patted him sympathetically on the arm.
Kyuhyun turned to glare at Zhou Mi, who flashed him a victory sign with his fingers. “I got a 96!” he said brightly.
“So let me guess,” said Kyuhyun. “You studied maths constantly, and didn’t give a second thought to the others?”
“You’re just a good tutor,” said Zhou Mi cheerfully, and then practically wilted under the look Kyuhyun gave him. “And Siyuan didn’t threaten to withhold sex if I didn’t study.”
“Okay, we’re leaving now,” said Hankyung, and turned around and walked out with Heechul shrieking for him to translate.
“Why didn’t you study for anything else?” Kyuhyun said later on when they were on their way to Hankyung and Zhou Mi’s flat, Heechul and Hankyung sharing a cigarette as Siwon looked on disapprovingly and Donghae talked quietly with Kibum about something. “Now you’re going to have to start all over again.”
“If I failed maths,” said Zhou Mi, “it would have reflected badly on you. I - I didn’t want that.”
“God, you’re such a sap,” said Kyuhyun, and kissed him fiercely.
“Yeah, but I’m your sap,” said Zhou Mi breathlessly.
“I think I’m going to throw up,” said Kyuhyun and Heechul at the exact same time.
Fandom: Super Junior AU (High School)
Pairing: Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi, Siwon/Hankyung/Heechul, Kibum/Donghae
Word count: 8,258
Rating: NC-17
Summary: After a week and three days of attempting to teach Zhou Mi maths, Kyuhyun had realised that somehow, Zhou Mi thought that they were friends.
A/N: This was very hard to write, and I think it shows. For meitachi, because she practically owns this AU and needs more QMi to get her through life.
Also, new layout, guys! :D!
“Look,” said Kyuhyun. “I understand that they want me to tutor him. What I don’t understand is why they want me to tutor him.”
Sungmin stared at him blankly.
“I mean,” clarified Kyuhyun. “He’s in the senior year. I’m only in my first year. What would I be able to teach him?”
Sungmin gave him a Look. “Do not even attempt that with me, Cho Kyuhyun,” he said. “You’re taking college level classes, you are more than capable of teaching one foreign exchange student how to use integrals.”
“Okay, fine,” said Kyuhyun. “So I don’t want to teach him. How about that?”
“Well,” said Sungmin. “You should have thought about that before you skipped so many of your normal everyday classes that you have to do this in order to get extra credit so that your teachers will actually pass you for this year.”
“I hate it when you’re right,” said Kyuhyun.
Cho Kyuhyun is a genius, and he knows that it’s not a sign of arrogance that he is able to say so; the fact is that he is, that he is naturally smart and clever, and finds the things that most people struggle to learn as easy as counting to five. His normal, every day lessons bore him, because while everyone else bites their pencils and sticks their hands in the air and whines about how they can’t do it, he can barely be bothered to write it down, because the answers are so obvious to him. He is well versed in literature, takes after school college classes in maths and science, and is almost fluent in Mandarin and English. There are only two people in the entire school who rival him, and he has never spoken to either of them.
Unfortunately, the boredom, the sheer, undiluted monotony of school caused him to skip the classes that he found the easiest; he hadn’t attended a single maths class in two months when his teacher finally called him on it, and at that point it came out that his absences was causing him to fail, that he had missed exams and tests and assignments that could be useful for university applications. The only way that he could pass those classes, they said (because they already accepted that he knew the work), would be if he took on some tutoring work.
And that was how he found himself trying to teach math to the Chinese exchange student in the third year, the one who had only been there for a couple of months but was already failing most of his subjects, with the exception of music and art, but they were elective subjects, and didn’t count so much as the core ones.
The third year Choi Siwon, one of the two who were easily as clever as Kyuhyun himself, was tutoring the exchange student in all his other subjects, but they had been unable to find time to fit in the maths section, and so Kyuhyun was stuck with it.
To be honest, he didn’t even know the boy’s name; he had never needed to know. Kyuhyun was not known as a people person. It was hard to get close to him, and he made it that way, because of the simple fact that if someone did manage to get to know him, then they were probably one of the only ones that he considered worth knowing. Girls fell in love with him, confessed, and were rejected bluntly, the knowledge soon put in their minds that to Cho Kyuhyun, they were simply nothing. He had very few acquaintances, just the one friend. He didn’t feel as though he needed anything else.
His first meeting with the exchange student took place on a Wednesday afternoon, as the majority of the school left for home and the rest headed for their clubs, in a classroom on the third floor of the Arts block. The boy was already sitting at a desk when Kyuhyun arrived; he had pushed two together so that they would be able to sit next to each other, and he was lying casually back in his seat when Kyuhyun opened the door and stepped through, his shirt loose at the hips and long legs stretched out in front of him, and when Kyuhyun came in, he tipped his head to the side and smiled widely.
“Hey,” he said cheerfully. “Are you my tutor?”
Kyuhyun nodded slowly. His Korean was far from perfect; he messed up the pronunciation of the words slightly, but the meaning was still there. If the worst came to the worst, he supposed, he could always give Mandarin a try.
“Good,” said the boy. “You’re cute. Gege kept telling me they’d give me someone ugly.”
“Gege?” asked Kyuhyun.
“Oh,” said the boy. “Hyung, I mean. Hankyung-hyung.”
Kyuhyun had seen the older boy around, the only other Chinese student in the school, the one with bright blonde hair, the one who always had Kim Heechul hanging over him, who was apparently in a relationship with the other one who was tutoring the boy in front of him. Considering that he was failing, Kyuhyun wasn’t surprised that he hung around with such people.
“I’m Cho Kyuhyun,” he said, holding out his hand. The boy took it and shook it, looking him up and down carefully.
“I’m Joomyuk,” said the boy. “But I kind of hate that name. Do you mind calling me by my Chinese name?”
“Um,” said Kyuhyun. “Yeah?”
“Zhou Mi,” said the boy. “It’s nice to meet you, Kui Xian.”
“Kyuhyun,” corrected Kyuhyun.
“That name is impossible to say,” said Zhou Mi. “I’m going to call you Kui Xian.”
Zhou Mi, Kyuhyun found, was impossible. He wasn’t stupid and it wasn’t unfeasible for him to do the work that he was set; there were only a few things that he struggled with. His major problem was that he couldn’t see why you would want to do any of the stuff that he had been taught, how any of it was important for everyday life, and so he didn’t bother learning how to do it.
“But why,” he kept whining, when Kyuhyun tried to show him how to manipulate the graphs in order to get the answer that he needed. “Why do I need to do it?”
Kyuhyun finished the first session with a headache that threatened to split his forehead open, and the greatest urge to punch someone than he had ever felt. He immediately stormed over to Sungmin’s house, who opened the door onto him and remarked coolly, “You look angry.”
“Well aren’t you perceptive?” snapped Kyuhyun, coming through the door that Sungmin held open for him and putting his bag at the side. He followed Sungmin into the main room and threw himself down onto one of the chairs; he got the distinct feeling that Sungmin was laughing at him.
“That person,” said Kyuhyun, with much feeling, “is the most aggravating person I’ve ever met.”
“You’re just not used to people,” said Sungmin, in a way that was clearly supposed to be soothing but instead was rather patronizing.
“That’s not it,” said Kyuhyun. “He’s just - impossible! I kept telling him what to do and he already knew what to do! All he wanted to know was why he had to do it! And he sat there, the entire time, with this wide smile on his face, as if you were being the stupid one, not him.”
Sungmin looked at him with lowered eyebrows. “You weren’t horrible to him, were you?” he asked.
“Fuck, hyung,” said Kyuhyun. “Even you’d be nasty to him. I’ve never wanted to hit someone so hard in my life.”
“Ah well,” said Sungmin in a sing-song tone, and jumped up. “I’ll go get us some tea and you can calm down. You’ll give yourself a heart attack if you keep going on like this.”
An hour and a half later, Kyuhyun had almost forgotten the entire incident. Sitting in Sungmin’s room with the lights turned off and curtains drawn, tea and snacks in front of them, as they played violently on the games console, had a way of making Kyuhyun’s problems seem less than they had been previously. Sungmin sat with the length of his arm pressed against Kyuhyun’s, warm and comforting, his eyes focused on the screen in front of them, and so he missed the several times that Kyuhyun looked at him, raking his eyes over the contours of his face and coming to a rest on his lips, almost losing his half-concentration on the game they were playing when Sungmin drew his bottom lip through his teeth thoughtfully. Even only half-concentrating, he still managed to thrash him, and Sungmin put his head on his shoulder and whined about I’m the hyung, you should let me win.
“All’s fair in love, war and video games,” said Kyuhyun.
***
A loud shout of “Kui Xian!” down from the playing field as he came out of the school made Kyuhyun groan in exasperation. After a week and three days of attempting to teach Zhou Mi maths, Kyuhyun had realised that somehow, Zhou Mi thought that they were friends. Considering that Kyuhyun was rather short and sharp with him, and that they had never even spoken outside of the Arts classroom, Kyuhyun wasn’t sure where he had picked up this idea.
He wandered down to where Zhou Mi was sitting, pausing slightly as he took in the people who surrounded him on the picnic bench that he was sitting on. The four third years and a fellow first year were well-known in the school, infamous and proud of it. Kyuhyun had never spoken to any of them and he had rather wanted to keep it that way, but Zhou Mi was smiling encouragingly at him.
“Yeah?” he said.
“Want to eat lunch with us?” asked Zhou Mi. “We’ve got room.”
Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow, and then glanced at the other people at the table. None of them looked particularly bothered either way. Kim Heechul was sitting on Hankyung’s lap, legs stretched out over Choi Siwon’s legs, hands curled around a take-out cup of coffee. Hankyung’s hands were running through Heechul’s hair, as Siwon read a book. He glanced up as Kyuhyun approached, and then continued. Lee Donghae had his arm around Kim Kibum’s waist, and Kibum had his head bent over a textbook and was leaning away slightly, though when Kyuhyun looked closely, he could see Donghae’s hand resting possessively on Kibum’s hip.
Kyuhyun hesitated, a little unsure as to take him up on the offer, not through any sort of fear of the people he was sitting with, but rather because none of them looked like they actually wanted him there; if there is one thing Kyuhyun hates more than having to interact with people, it is interacting with people who don’t even like him. He was just about to make an excuse and leave when Heechul looked up.
“Hey,” he said, a slow smirk coming over his face. “Sit down.”
If there is one person in the school that everyone knows the name of, it is Kim Heechul. Kyuhyun is one of the few boys who are not terrified out of their skulls at the mere sound of his name; he is sexually aggressive and he is flirty and most boys fear him because they know that Kim Heechul knows exactly how to turn them on, regardless of whether they particularly want it or not - they also knows that he will turn them on regardless of whether he wants it or not, as he finds the whole thing a rather interesting game. Kyuhyun doesn’t fear Heechul, because to be perfectly honest, Kim Heechul is fucking hot and Kyuhyun would sleep with him the first chance he got.
Kyuhyun sat down, because when Kim Heechul told you to do something, then you did it, and began to eat his home-packed lunch, watching the others carefully from lowered eyelids. Although Zhou Mi was sitting next to him, he didn’t seem too interested in actually talking to him. Instead he was chattering away to Hankyung in rapid-fire Chinese that Kyuhyun was having trouble keeping up with. Siwon had rested his book on the table and was listening in with an interested expression; judging by the way Donghae’s lips kept twitching, he understood at least the funnier parts of the conversation. Heechul, on the other hand, had rested his head against Hankyung’s cheek, and was glaring possessively at Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi didn’t take any notice.
“Cho Kyuhyun, right?” said Heechul, finally deciding that he wasn’t going to get anything out of Hankyung. “First year?”
“Yeah,” said Kyuhyun. “I’m in class C.”
“Hmm,” said Heechul. He leant forward slightly, rested his head on his chin and looked closely at Kyuhyun with hooded eyes. “You’re really hot,” he said. “I think I’d like to-”
“Heechul,” Hankyung murmured into his ear. “Are you still coming to Donghae’s tonight?”
“Remembered that I’m here, have you?” asked Heechul.
“No one could ever forget you, hyung,” said Zhou Mi with a winning smile, and Heechul snorted at him. For all Zhou Mi seemed casually cheerful, he had put a hand on Kyuhyun’s arm the second Heechul had begun to talk to him, an hand which he didn’t remove, Kyuhyun noticed uncomfortably.
After a short while, Kyuhyun forgot himself and laughed at something that Zhou Mi said - all faces turned to look at him incredulously.
“You speak Chinese?” asked Zhou Mi breathlessly.
“Yeah,” said Kyuhyun in Mandarin. “Quite well, I’ve been learning for years.”
“That’s incredible,” said Hankyung. “I only had Siwon when I came here, Zhou Mi’s got loads of people to help him! Life is too unfair.” This last remark was directed Heechul in Korean, who smirked and whispered something, too quiet for Kyuhyun to hear, in a low, seductive voice, and Hankyung leered at him.
“So you’re teaching Zhou Mi maths?” asked Siwon.
“Well, I’m attempting to,” said Kyuhyun.
“Kui Xian,” whined Zhou Mi. “Stop being so mean.”
“Oh fuck,” said Hankyung. “He’s given him a Chinese name.”
Zhou Mi laughed lightly and changed the subject to something that didn’t involve school subjects, things that he apparently hated above all other things. The others fell into the trap quite easily, returning to the previous Mandarin, although this time Hankyung whispered translations into Heechul’s ear, and translated Heechul’s Korean remarks. Before long it was a conversation between Zhou Mi and Heechul, going through Hankyung as the third party.
Kyuhyun found himself wondering about the significance of gaining a Chinese name. He had grown used to the nickname, answering it automatically now instead of skipping a beat before he realised that it was supposed to be him; Zhou Mi always seemed to find that hilarious, and then Kyuhyun would be stuck wanting to hit him for up to half an hour. He was just pondering as to whether it was worthwhile asking about the name, when a shadow fell over the table.
He glanced up to see Sungmin smiling at them. “Hey,” he said, and then glanced, amused, over at Kibum, who looked up from his text book and smiled slightly. Sungmin gave a mock huff. “I see you’ve stolen another one of my friends, Heechul-shi.”
Kyuhyun remembered when Kim Kibum had first started hanging around with this group, a few months earlier. Sungmin had been friends with him, and still was, but it was in a slightly different way, talking when they saw each other at school and in the street, but never meeting up. Sungmin, Kyuhyun knew, didn’t really mind that, because he had been worried that Kibum would be lonely when he transferred from America, but Kyuhyun had never actually met Kibum before today. He had been the quiet boy in class A, the one who hung around the older delinquents and who had perfect grades; the one who was constantly being groped (or so it had always seemed to Kyuhyun) by Lee Donghae.
“It’s not stealing when they come willingly,” said Heechul casually, though he raised an eyebrow and smirked slowly, and Kyuhyun saw that Sungmin was one of the few people that Heechul actually respected. Sungmin was in the same class, and Sungmin knew all about Heechul’s behaviour, and Sungmin didn’t much care, not once he had seen how happy Kibum had become. Heechul respected that.
“Did you want me?” asked Kyuhyun.
“How do you not know that I’m here to see Kibum?” asked Sungmin.
“Are you?” asked Kyuhyun.
“No,” admitted Sungmin.
“Well, so,” said Kyuhyun, and Zhou Mi laughed a little.
“I was just coming to give you your video game back,” said Sungmin, rummaging around in his bag and pulling out the game that Kyuhyun had left at his house the night before. “You left it.”
“Oh,” said Kyuhyun. He knew that he had left it - leaving it had meant that he would have been able to go there tonight and see Sungmin again, hopefully stay for an hour or two, playing in the dark one more time. He took the game, fighting down the urge to scowl.
“I’ve got to go find Shindong,” said Sungmin, and he waved goodbye, and walked back up to the main doors of the school. Kyuhyun watched him go with a wistful expression that he couldn’t hide, and then turned back to the table, where a rather violent argument was starting up as to whether Siwon really was as annoying as Heechul kept saying he was.
Kyuhyun missed Zhou Mi watching him thoughtfully.
***
“That guy today at lunch,” said Zhou Mi later that afternoon, as he leant back in his chair and chewed on the end of a pencil, interrupting Kyuhyun as he tried to explain something. “Sungmin-shi?”
“Yeah?” said Kyuhyun, not really listening.
“Do you like him?”
The question caught Kyuhyun off-guard, so that he dropped his pen and stared with an open mouth at Zhou Mi, who looked innocently back at him. “He’s my best friend,” he said indignantly, though his thoughts were more along the lines of but how can he know?
“That doesn’t mean anything,” said Zhou Mi dismissively. “You can be friends with someone and still like them.”
“I-” Kyuhyun was still rather surprised, and Zhou Mi was looking at him so intently that he was having trouble stringing a denial together. He could see in Zhou Mi’s eyes that he knew exactly how Kyuhyun felt, and was just waiting for him to actually admit it. “I don’t.”
“Oh, you are such a liar,” said Zhou Mi, laughing at him now.
Kyuhyun stood up angrily. “You don’t know,” he said. “You don’t know anything about me. Stop pretending that we’re friends, stop pretending that you know me.”
Zhou Mi stared at him, a little shocked. “I was just joking,” he said. “Kui Xian, I was just-”
“Don’t call me that,” shouted Kyuhyun. “That’s not my name!” Zhou Mi blinked a little, and Kyuhyun realised that he had hurt him, just a little. He felt a strange satisfaction from it. “You know what?” he said. “Just forget it,” and he stood up, picked up his bag, and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut after him.
***
After Kyuhyun didn’t turn up for two of the after school sessions, Zhou Mi looked for him and found him sitting in a spare classroom on one of the high science stools listening to music. Kyuhyun had his eyes closed, so when Zhou Mi pulled one of the headphones from his ears, he had yelled in shock and jumped almost off the chair.
“What the fuck are you doing?” he asked, heart racing.
“I’m sorry,” wailed Zhou Mi, voice suddenly loud as he fell to his knees and wrapped his arms around Kyuhyun’s legs. “I’m really sorry, I’m sorry I pissed you off. Please, will you come back and teach me maths? I can’t do it without you!”
“What the fuck?” said Kyuhyun, and kicked out so that Zhou Mi fell over. “If you do that to me again, you’ll not know what just hit you.”
“Please, Kui Xian,” said Zhou Mi, looking slightly heartbroken. “Really, I’m sorry. I need you to teach me maths. I do not understand any of what we’re doing in our lessons.”
“You,” said Kyuhyun, “have got to be one of the most aggravating people that I have ever had to deal with.”
“You’re frigid,” said Zhou Mi cheerfully. Kyuhyun gaped at him.
***
“We’re all going to Donghae’s house tonight,” said Zhou Mi when they were nearing the end of one of the sessions a week later. He was again chewing on the end of a pencil. “The others are waiting for me. You can come, if you want.”
“To Donghae’s house?” Kyuhyun raised an eyebrow. “I mean, I know I sit with you at dinner but I didn’t think they liked me enough to want to actually spend time with me.”
“The more eye-candy the better in Heechul-hyung’s mind,” said Zhou Mi with a laugh. “Besides, the others like you. They must do, or else they wouldn’t actually let you sit with them.” There was a slight pause. “Plus, I agree with Heechul-hyung. Having something good to look at is always a bonus.”
Kyuhyun avoided his eye and looked down at the text book in front of him. It was things like this, compliments and admiration, that made him feel awkward and slightly lost around Zhou Mi. The boy seemed to run at one hundred miles per hour, jumping back and forth, rushing in with a quick fire compliment and then backing out again with a laugh at Kyuhyun’s confused expression. It left Kyuhyun feeling weird, put simply.
Not quite as weird as he ended up feeling in Donghae’s bedroom an hour later. Somehow he had managed to forget all the rumours about Kim Heechul, because sitting around with them at lunch, he didn’t seem as bad as he had been made out to be - he made a point of sitting in Hankyung’s lap, yes, and seemed to have an affinity for flirting and sexual innuendoes, but Kyuhyun had seen worse sitting on the train and watching men hit on the girls in their school skirts.
School was clearly a dampener for Heechul; while Kyuhyun didn’t find his behaviour in school to be as bad as some people saw it, it was still fairly over the top and outrageous. Compared to outside of school, however, Heechul was positively tame. It started when they were three or four streets from the school: Heechul slipped under Siwon’s arm, who wrapped it around his waist as Heechul slid his hand into Siwon’s back pocket. Kyuhyun didn’t bat an eyelid at that, because he had realised fairly early on that the three had an arrangement that seemed to work well for them. What had caused him to raise his eyebrows was when Heechul pulled Siwon towards him for a kiss, and then reached back to tug Hankyung closer.
“Guys,” moaned Donghae in a weary sort of way. “Stop it. We’re going to my house, remember? And you are not having sex there. Leave it for Siwon’s house, or Hankyung’s place. Or even Heechul’s house?”
“Spoilsport,” said Heechul, looking over his shoulder, lips swollen, and fingers curled around Siwon’s neck, who seemed a bit dazed. Zhou Mi snorted a little, and when Kyuhyun glanced over, he had both hands pressed to his mouth to stifle his laughter.
“Hyung,” said Kibum. The word could have applied to any of the boys standing around them, and apparently did, because Heechul let go of Siwon with a sigh, Siwon shook his head a little to clear it, Hankyung pulled his shirt from Heechul’s grasp, and Donghae wrapped an arm around Kibum’s shoulders and took off down the street with him, running like a madman and saying loudly and happily that Kibummie always does stick up for me, he’s so perfect.
Heechul strode forward, bag slung casually over his shoulder, a slight sway in his step, as Siwon wrapped an arm around Hankyung’s shoulder, and the two walked after him, looking for all the world like two world-weary servants following their master. Kyuhyun looked at Zhou Mi with a raised eyebrow.
“Are they always like that?” he asked.
“Only usually,” said Zhou Mi cheerfully.
Heechul lay on his side on Donghae’s bed with his head cushioned in Siwon’s lap when they arrived, hair in appropriately seductive disarray, as Siwon ran his fingers through it, and Hankyung brushed his fingers back and forth softly across the skin of Heechul’s hip where his shirt and blazer had rode up, while his other hand was tangled up with Siwon’s free hand; Kyuhyun could practically see Heechul purring.
Donghae collapsed onto the floor, making a show of being exhausted, and Kibum piled all the bags carefully into the corner of the room before he sat down himself, Donghae slipping a bit closer to sling his arms across his shoulders and rest his head on his shoulder. Zhou Mi sat down near the desk, and Kyuhyun followed him a little cautiously, choosing to stay close in this unknown environment.
“So,” said Heechul lazily. “About Eunhyuk’s party.”
“We’re going,” said Donghae. “I don’t care how any of you feel, we’re going to his birthday party.”
“Birthday party,” said Heechul with a snort. “It sounds like there’s going to be balloons and a cake with eighteen candles in it.”
“Kui Xian’s coming too,” said Zhou Mi.
“I am?” said Kyuhyun.
“Yeah,” said Zhou Mi, and smiled at him genuinely. “It’ll be fun; I think you’d really enjoy it. So you’re welcome to come, if you want. Eunhyuk won’t mind.”
“Okay,” said Kyuhyun slowly, and wasn’t too sure as to what he had just gotten himself into.
***
Kyuhyun was used to Heechul by this point, and used to his behaviour around Hankyung and Siwon. He could see the attraction on their behalf, could see what the relationship was built on, could see where it had came from and where it was going. What he didn’t quite understand was the relationship between Kibum and Donghae. It seemed to him that Kibum simply put up with Donghae, put up with his arm across his shoulder or around his waist.
“Kibum’s just quiet,” said Zhou Mi, when Kyuhyun mentioned it to them as they walked to Kibum’s house on the night of the party to pick him up. “He likes to watch people. Donghae makes up for his silence. They get each other.”
“Well, I don’t get it,” said Kyuhyun. “I mean, I’ve never even seen them kiss or anything. Compared to Heechul and his two, it’s like watching two brothers or something.”
Strangely, Zhou Mi collapsed into laughter at that, almost choking. “Brothers,” he gasped. “Oh, that’s a good one. Just wait until - oh, wait, it’s starting.” He motioned to Kibum’s front door, which was opening as they neared the wall around his house. “Oh, and Kibum works out, just so you know,” he added.
“I’m staying at Donghae’s tonight,” Kibum called into the house, back to them, and when a shout of acknowledgement came back, he turned around and slung a black leather jacket over one shoulder. Kyuhyun was rather taken aback by his appearance. His usually perfect hair had been styled into a casual mess that fell into eyes that had more than a necessary amount of eyeliner around them; his clothes were tight and black, his black vest showing off arms that had more than their fair share of muscles. He strode up to them, looking different than usual, looking more confident and aware of how good he looked.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey,” said Donghae, and immediately pulled him forward and kissed him long and deep, Kibum smiling slightly against his lips to begin with before it overtook him and caused him to moan, pushing up on his feet to get closer, dropping his jacket on the floor as he fisted his hands in Donghae’s collar.
Zhou Mi’s hand brushed his as he stared, and a shock ran up his arm and down to his toes quickly, and he snatched it away, and took his gaze from the two still kissing in front of him. He didn’t need to look at Zhou Mi to realise that he was confused.
“Hey,” said Heechul sharply. “Can we get to this party or what? Donghae, you’re the one who wanted to go.”
“Yeah,” mumbled Donghae, “yeah, just give me a minute.”
“No, Donghae,” said Heechul. “Or else, I’m just going to go off right now. One of my boys here will probably join me.”
Donghae and Kibum broke apart reluctantly. Donghae stooped down and picked up the jacket, dusted it off, slung it over his own shoulder and then put his arm across Kibum’s shoulder. Kibum rolled his eyes, but allowed himself to be walked off.
Kyuhyun had been at the party for half an hour and had only managed to finish half of the glass of strong alcohol that Heechul had placed in his hand when he bumped into Sungmin. To say he was shocked would have been an understatement.
“Hyung!” he said, almost spilling his drink on the girl sitting on a chair next to them. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I know the birthday boy,” said Sungmin with a cheerful smile. “Eunhyuk? I’ve known him for years.”
“I don’t know him,” admitted Kyuhyun. “Zhou Mi said I should come along.”
“Oh?” said Sungmin, and smiled in a way that Kyuhyun didn’t like. “You sound like you’re getting on well with him.”
“Yeah,” said Kyuhyun vaguely, and tried to change the subject. “Listen, which one is Eunhyuk, so that I don’t make a fool of myself?”
“That one over there,” said Sungmin, and pointed to a boy with dyed, dark auburn hair who was sitting on a sofa talking to Donghae. A tall, older man was sat next to him; he had black hair and an eerily similar smile. Kyuhyun was just about to remark on Eunhyuk’s older brother when Eunhyuk turned to the man and grinned. The man grinned back, put his arm around his waist and kissed him. The remark came to a juddering halt in Kyuhyun’s throat.
“That’s Tablo,” said Sungmin, seeing what he was looking at. “He’s Eunhyuk’s boyfriend, but he’s already graduated.”
“High school?” asked Kyuhyun, a little disbelieving.
“No,” said Sungmin with a laugh. “University. He’s a music major. There’s quite an age difference, much to Eunhyuk’s parents’ annoyance.”
“I can see why,” said Kyuhyun and took a sip.
“Hey, Kyuhyun,” said Sungmin a couple of minutes later, voice suddenly full of nervous anticipation. “Will you hold my drink for me?”
“Yeah,” said Kyuhyun, taking it. “Why?”
“Because I think I’m going to go talk to Sooyoung,” said Sungmin.
“Okay,” said Kyuhyun softly, and watched as Sungmin went nervously up to the tall, gorgeous girl that he had liked for around a year. Kyuhyun hated her, simply for being the person that Sungmin had crushed on; he would have hated anyone else just as much. He had liked - or was it love, so much stronger? - Sungmin for so many years that it seemed unfair for someone else to get his attention back.
After fifteen minutes, Kyuhyun decided that Sungmin probably wasn’t going to come back, and so he knocked back his own drink, finished Sungmin’s off, and then wandered to the bar area that had been set up; Zhou Mi was sitting next to it, and he waved slightly, and Kyuhyun collapsed down next to him.
“Hey,” said Zhou Mi loudly over the music. “Are you having fun?”
“Oh, sure,” said Kyuhyun. “Best time of my life, this.” He motioned over to where Sungmin was talking with Sooyoung, the girl leaning in as she laughed at something, Sungmin grinning in a self-consciously happy way. Kyuhyun slumped back, and didn’t explain any further. Although Zhou Mi hadn’t brought Sungmin up again during their tutoring sessions or during lunch, Kyuhyun knew that Zhou Mi knew. He didn’t have to say anything else.
“Ah,” said Zhou Mi, and stood up, leant over, grabbed another cup of the strong alcohol that was being served and shoved it into Kyuhyun’s hand. “Here,” he said. “Get drunk.”
“Thank you,” said Kyuhyun, and proceeded to do just that.
The night went on; the room turned pleasantly fuzzy, only Sungmin and Zhou Mi’s smile standing out in clarity as he drank. Zhou Mi chatted to him in Mandarin for a bit, until Heechul sauntered up and demanded that he danced with him. Zhou Mi did so with a sheepish grin, and Kyuhyun was left sitting on the sofa by himself, bitterness brewing in the pit of his stomach.
It seemed like all he did was turn around to pick up another drink, but when he looked back out over the crowd, Sungmin and Sooyoung had disappeared without a trace. He stood up slowly, swaying a little, and tried to look for them, but they had gone from the room. He had lost the ability to walk at some point in the night without being aware of it, and he stumbled out of the room and down the hall and into the kitchen, where he froze.
Sungmin and Sooyoung were outside - he could see them through the window, and it was difficult to see where one ended and the other began, Sungmin’s head bent down to kiss her frantically, her hands pulling him down onto the grass where he lay on top and kissed her some more. It hit Kyuhyun in the stomach, the knowledge that he had always possessed, the knowledge that Sungmin didn’t feel the same, that Sungmin wasn’t the same way inclined, suddenly horrific with the evidence in front of his eyes.
He turned around and tried to leave the room; he bumped into Zhou Mi at the doorway, who grinned and tried to steady him with a hand.
“Hey,” he said. “I’ve been trying to find you for ages. How much have you had to drink, by the way?”
Kyuhyun shook his head wordlessly, and Zhou Mi slipped his hand into his and squeezed lightly, comfortingly, and Kyuhyun stared at him, at the hair that fell into his eyes and the curve of his lips and leant in and kissed him, eyes shut tightly, trying to rid himself of the image of Sungmin and Sooyoung lying on the grass behind them.
Zhou Mi reacted differently than Kyuhyun ever would have thought; it was as though he had been waiting for it, waiting for that moment, his mouth leaping into life under Kyuhyun’s, hands coming up to curl around his neck and pull him closer. Kyuhyun made a muffled, choked sound, and clutched a little harder, a little more desperately, as Zhou Mi moaned and pressed closer.
“There’s a bedroom upstairs,” he whispered when they broke apart, eyes bright. “I don’t suppose you want to?”
Kyuhyun didn’t give an answer, just pushed forward with his body so that Zhou Mi stumbled backwards. He laughed, that bright, choked sound of being so happy that you can’t quite breathe; Kyuhyun couldn’t breathe either, ribs constricting, blood pounding in his ears, as Zhou Mi took his hand and led him up the stairs.
Zhou Mi pulled him down onto the bed with shaking fingers and kissed along his jaw and up to his ear, where he took the lobe between his teeth and bit. Kyuhyun gasped and reached out for him, not pausing until Zhou Mi was naked beneath him, moaning out his name, one leg wrapped around his waist, and Kyuhyun was thrusting to the rhythm set by the music thumping out below.
“Fuck,” he said, “fuck,” and then Zhou Mi came with a hoarse cry of Chinese, finger nails biting down onto Kyuhyun’s shoulders, so that he came too, with a cry of his own that he didn’t hear through the white pleasure and roaring in his ears.
He rolled off, onto his back next to Zhou Mi, gasping for breath. When his heart rate returned to normal, he realised that Zhou Mi was lying still, staring at the ceiling, silent, and he sat up and stared at him. Zhou Mi avoided his eyes.
“What is it?” he asked.
“You said ‘Sungmin’,” said Zhou Mi softly.
It was like another blow to the stomach, as he realised what he had just done. The badly concealed hurt on Zhou Mi’s face seared through him, so that he fell sideways off the bed and scrambled around for his clothes, cursing under his breath as he pulled them on. He left before Zhou Mi said anything, before he even moved.
“Hey Kyuhyun,” called Kibum as he tried to shoot past and out of the front door. He paused for a couple of seconds; Kibum had Donghae hanging from his shoulders and he was trying to kiss his neck. It looked like it should have been a lot more distracting than Kibum seemed to find it. “Have you seen Zhou Mi? Siwon’s taking Hankyung home, and Zhou Mi lives with him, so.”
“No,” said Kyuhyun. “No, I haven’t seen him.”
***
This time it was Kyuhyun who was left in the classroom, waiting, this time, waiting for Zhou Mi to come back to their study lessons, waiting to apologise. He felt that only there, only in the relative neutrality of the classroom, could he trust himself to not put his foot in it. The thought of having to do it in front of Zhou Mi’s friends turned his blood to liquid nitrogen in his veins. So he waited, and he sat by himself in the library like before during lunch, and nothing happened.
Eventually he had to seek Zhou Mi out, waiting late after school one night in order to catch him coming out of one of his late classes. Zhou Mi hesitated a little when he saw him and tried to brush past, but Kyuhyun reached out and took his wrist; Zhou Mi jumped like he had scalded him.
“We need to talk,” said Kyuhyun, and then cursed. “That was cliché. Can we? Talk, I mean.”
“If you want,” said Zhou Mi, and let him pull him sideways into a spare classroom.
“I’m sorry,” said Kyuhyun quickly and low. “I’m sorry for - what happened, and I still want to tutor you, if that’s okay.”
Zhou Mi stared at him with wide eyes. “That’s not it,” he said desperately. “That’s not it - I thought - you’d be angry with me. For taking advantage of you.”
“Taking advantage of me?” Kyuhyun was fairly incredulous.
“You were fairly drunk,” said Zhou Mi.
“We,” said Kyuhyun, and then paused. He couldn’t think of how to say what he wanted to say. “I’m sorry for it. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I’m willing to just forget about it, and I want to continue to help you with your maths.”
“Forget,” said Zhou Mi, and Kyuhyun missed the way he twisted his mouth around.
***
It hurt less, seeing Sungmin the next time. The knowledge and memory of what had happened afterwards stung more than the memory of seeing Sungmin lay down on the grass with Sooyoung. It was easy to smile and say hello and settle into a conversation; a conversation in which Sungmin mentioned that he had a girlfriend now, and Kyuhyun jumped in.
“Sooyoung?” he asked.
“Yes,” said Sungmin, and looked a little nervous. “Yeah, we got together after Eunhyuk’s party. I’m going out with her on Saturday.”
Kyuhyun was silent for a few minutes. He knew that right now, he wouldn’t be able to say, I’m happy for you, hyung. He wasn’t sure that he wanted to. The heavy pit of jealousy still lay in his stomach, still made it clench horribly as he thought that, maybe, at some point that he had missed, it could have been different and it could have been him that Sungmin pulled close and kissed.
“You,” said Sungmin, and then stopped, took a deep breath, and then started again. “You aren’t - angry?”
“Why would I be angry?” asked Kyuhyun casually.
“I know how you - I know how you feel about me.”
It always seemed to be this way, Kyuhyun thought bitterly. Those things that you tried to keep secret for so long, terrified of the consequences, they were always the things that everyone already knew. He laughed softly and turned his head away; Sungmin took his hand.
“I didn’t want this to hurt you,” he said. “Kyuhyun, you know I don’t want to hurt you.”
“How I feel has got nothing to do with it,” said Kyuhyun. “Hyung, I’ve kept it secret for so long, and I’ve never had a chance, have I?”
“I love you Kyuhyun,” said Sungmin. “Really, I do. But not in the way you want.”
“Forget it,” said Kyuhyun. “Forget it.”
“Anyway,” said Sungmin, voice bolstering up into almost cheerful. “I saw you that night with Zhou Mi anyway.”
Kyuhyun jerked back a bit. “You did?” he asked. “When?”
“Sitting on the sofa together,” said Sungmin, and Kyuhyun tried to let out a sigh of relief that would go unnoticed. “You looked cute together.”
Kyuhyun actually gaped at him.
“I’m glad,” said Sungmin. “I’m glad that you’ve found someone.”
“I.” said Kyuhyun, and then thought about the way Zhou Mi had laughed yesterday, the first time around Kyuhyun since that night, and stopped; he couldn’t think of anything to say.
***
“I’m scared,” said Kyuhyun.
“Nyuh?” said Zhou Mi, head over his text book.
“Yeah,” said Kyuhyun. “Why are you actually studying?”
“Important test,” said Zhou Mi, a little feverishly. “Important test.”
“Like that’s been a factor to you before,” said Kyuhyun.
Zhou Mi looked up and smiled at him. “If I do badly,” he said, “won’t that reflect badly on your teaching skills?”
“I don’t know why I bother,” said Kyuhyun, leaning back and rubbing at his eyes. “Seriously, you can do all this stuff, so I don’t know why you need me.”
“Back up support, Kui Xian,” said Zhou Mi, grinning sideways at him, and Kyuhyun’s lips twitched.
Zhou Mi turned back to his work, diligently going through each question painstakingly until he had the correct answer. Kyuhyun watched him with a book of his own held in front of his face as a cover. When it was like it, Kyuhyun found it awkward, the remembrance always flooding back to him, of Zhou Mi underneath him, hair stuck to his face, and then the strange resigned hurt that graced him afterwards. Zhou Mi never mentioned it, but Kyuhyun wondered.
“Do you ever think about that night?” he asked softly.
“I thought we were supposed to forget about it,” said Zhou Mi without looking up, and then pushed a hand through his hair. “Yes. And if you had been trying to think of the worst thing to say at that point in time, then telling me that we should just forget it was that.”
“Worst thing to say?”
“Fuck, Kui Xian,” said Zhou Mi, and finally looked up at him, and that look was all over his face again, resigned to being disappointed. “I wouldn’t have - kissed you back, done that, if I didn’t like you.”
“I don’t know,” said Kyuhyun mildly. “I mean, you’re a pretty slutty.”
“Being a whore is one thing I’ve yet to learn from Heechul-ge,” said Zhou Mi with a gasp of laughter that was more of a sob. “I wanted that, Kui Xian, more than I’ve ever wanted anything before in my life. And I didn’t think, I just took. You were there, you were willing, and I didn’t think about what I was doing. Afterwards, when you left, Heechul-ge found me. He told me to stop acting like a fucking girl about it, but you - fuck, Kui Xian, I think I’m in love with you.”
“I can’t say the same,” said Kyuhyun, and shook his head with a self-deprecating smile. “I can’t say here and now that I’m in love with you, or even that I really like you - I can’t - I can’t forget Sungmin like that. But I do - I want.”
Words failed him, but then he had never been much of a talker anyway. Zhou Mi had his eyes closed when Kyuhyun leant in and kissed him, fingers touching tentatively at Zhou Mi’s hip, tongue slipping through open lips nervously, with none of the advantage of knowing what to do, how far to take it, how far he could before it shattered between his hands and was lost forever.
“Don’t do this,” said Zhou Mi with a shuddering breath as he opened his eyes to look at him intently. “Not if you aren’t going to be serious about it.”
“Okay,” said Kyuhyun simply, and leant in to kiss him again.
***
Zhou Mi, it turned out, was so bad at video games that Kyuhyun often complained that it wasn’t even worth playing against him. Zhou Mi always laughed when he said that and nudged him in the side and claimed that it was because all the instructions were in Korean, which was a stupid language anyway, and “Kui Xian should translate it into Chinese for me~”.
Kyuhyun never did, but even so, this time, something felt different as they sat in his bedroom and played. It was strange, tentative somehow, as Zhou Mi’s arm came around his waist and stayed there, and Kyuhyun leant his head on his shoulder, and then Zhou Mi’s head bent down and the controllers fell to the floor, forgotten.
The first time since the first time; the implications of it weighed heavy in Kyuhyun’s mind as his fingers undid the buttons on Zhou Mi’s shirt, slipped the tie from around his neck, brushed over the skin of his stomach. Zhou Mi moaned, tried to reach up to pull him down, and then found that at some point Kyuhyun had fasten his wrists together using their two school ties.
He began to laugh softly, until Kyuhyun took him in his mouth, hands useless as Kyuhyun teased him to the brink and then pulled away and kissed him, mouth salty and bitter. He slid into him, hot and tight, and it was frantic like the first time, but different still, more meaningful, a reason for it, as Zhou Mi cried out Kui Xian, Kui Xian in quick succession, and though he still had no idea what he said as he came, or whether he said anything at all, Zhou Mi smiled at him afterwards, hand coming up to stroke at his hair, and Kyuhyun rolled his eyes and put his head into the curve of his neck and fell asleep.
***
A shadow fell over him as he tidied away his things at the end of school, and he could almost feel the excitement radiating off the person. “How did you do?” he asked without looking up.
“Better than you thought I would, no doubt,” trilled Zhou Mi.
“Try me,” said Kyuhyun.
“No,” said Zhou Mi. “First you have to guess.”
Kyuhyun pushed his chair back, stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. “No,” he said, and started to walk out of the classroom.
“Kui Xian,” whined Zhou Mi, following on after him. “Kui Xian, guess~”
“Are they dating?” one girl nearby said quietly to her friend.
“I don’t think so,” said the other, and Kyuhyun rolled his eyes and turned to face Zhou Mi, who stopped short and smiled widely at him, thinking that he was willing to guess.
“If some strange rumours start,” he said, “I am blaming you.”
“Guess Kui Xian,” said Zhou Mi firmly in Mandarin. “Seriously, it’s not that hard.”
“Okay,” said Kyuhyun. “I’m guessing that you failed everything.”
“That’s harsh,” said Zhou Mi, coming up beside him to walk out of the main doors and down to the gates where the others were waiting, Heechul buried under Hankyung’s shoulder. “No, I didn’t fail everything.”
“Someone tell me,” said Kyuhyun to the others. “How did he do?” He motioned a pouting Zhou Mi over his shoulder with a thumb.
“He failed everything,” said Heechul, giving Zhou Mi a thumbs up.
“Except maths,” said Siwon bitterly, and Hankyung patted him sympathetically on the arm.
Kyuhyun turned to glare at Zhou Mi, who flashed him a victory sign with his fingers. “I got a 96!” he said brightly.
“So let me guess,” said Kyuhyun. “You studied maths constantly, and didn’t give a second thought to the others?”
“You’re just a good tutor,” said Zhou Mi cheerfully, and then practically wilted under the look Kyuhyun gave him. “And Siyuan didn’t threaten to withhold sex if I didn’t study.”
“Okay, we’re leaving now,” said Hankyung, and turned around and walked out with Heechul shrieking for him to translate.
“Why didn’t you study for anything else?” Kyuhyun said later on when they were on their way to Hankyung and Zhou Mi’s flat, Heechul and Hankyung sharing a cigarette as Siwon looked on disapprovingly and Donghae talked quietly with Kibum about something. “Now you’re going to have to start all over again.”
“If I failed maths,” said Zhou Mi, “it would have reflected badly on you. I - I didn’t want that.”
“God, you’re such a sap,” said Kyuhyun, and kissed him fiercely.
“Yeah, but I’m your sap,” said Zhou Mi breathlessly.
“I think I’m going to throw up,” said Kyuhyun and Heechul at the exact same time.