a year
Title: A Year
Pairing: Jongin/Kyungsoo
Genre: angst
Warning/s: suicide themes
Length: 886 words
It’s been a year.
A year of sleepless nights stimulated by the absence of a familiar warmth. Arms around each other, heartbeats beating as one, basking in the presence that never fails to bring comfort to a long and tedious day.
A year of avoiding the kitchen for all Jongin sees every time he enters it is narrow shoulders, cooking meals that he whined him to cook. The backside he’d hug, his hands intertwined on the other’s abdomen, nose buried in between his shoulder and neck, just appreciating the warmth the other radiates.
A year of not hearing the melodious voice that would be the first thing Jongin hears in the mornings, nagging for him to get his lazy ass up, and the last before he sleeps at night, whispering promises of forever and sweet nothings to his ears. The same voice that sings Justin Bieber’s Baby in a whispered voice in the shower, thinking Jongin couldn’t hear it from his spot in the living room, the voice that he desperately yearned to hear the words “I love you” from.
A year of reminiscing every detail of his perfection. His narrow shoulders that support a petite frame the other always found emasculating, his height that he detested because he can never reach anything but is just right for Jongin to bury the other’s head below his chin, his pale, almost translucent skin that always tempted Jongin to paint him with marks of his eternal love, his smile that could light up a starless night that would never fail to amaze and take the breathe out of him and finally, his beautiful yet amusing orbs that he himself hates the most because he says it makes others uncomfortable but never fails to drown him in a pool of content and bliss.
A year of just sitting outside the balcony, feet dangling from the railings, thinking of what-could-have-been’s if he tried harder for the love he wanted to last forever.
A year of wishing he still had Kyungsoo beside him. Wishing he had more time with the older to notice the changes. To look a little closer and see the slow degrading of his once pure soul, then corrupted with self-consciousness and doubt. Jongin could’ve seen the desperation for support and encouragement in the other’s eyes, and the following disappointment for his failure to understand the pain Kyungsoo was going through. He could’ve asked him what was wrong, talk about things, find a solution to the predicament that damaged the older and face it together.
A year of regret. Regretting not seeing what Kyungsoo needed, for Jongin was selfish, too wrapped up in his own cloud of content to see the other’s restlessness. Regretting not being able to stop him from slitting his own wrist, slashing the pulse and slowly letting the life be sucked out of him. Regretting not finding his lover’s lifeless body sprawled out on the bathroom floor earlier, pale complexion even paler from the fluorescent’s light and the body’s loss of life. Regret for simply not being able to be an escape for Kyungsoo like he was for Jongin.
A year of desperation to move on and let go. To continue on his monotone office job in the bustling part of the city, to go out to meet and make friends, maybe even meet someone new who’d take his damaged heart in and mend a new path for him to a better tomorrow. But Jongin won’t easily give up on his and Kyungsoo’s promise. For the past 365 days, he’s been a big ball of mess. Mutual friends visited him and tried to take him out of his shell of misery, families of both his and Kyungsoo’s talked to him, telling Jongin it wasn’t healthy for him to keep on latching onto his memories of the other, to forget and move on for the benefit of the both of them. It’s not that he won’t, it’s just that he can’t. It’s not as easy as they make it out to be, not when everything he sees and does reminds him of Kyungsoo.
A year of continuous downfalls. Jongin got fired for his 2-week absence, not even bothering to give a damn about it. He refused to eat, only wanting what Kyungsoo cooked, only eating a few spoonful’s just to appease whoever cared to bring him nutrition, just so he could finally get rid of them and continue to bask in his self-hatred and shame. He survived with the help of his family and friends, but with time they have moved on and less people still understood Jongin’s eternal grief. He was alive, but he wasn’t living.
It’s been a year and Jongin still won’t -- can’t let go. Maybe someday, he will. Find a new inspiration, someone to fill in the holes with hope and happiness(maybe even love) that a boy with large, round eyes and narrow shoulders vacated. He’ll rebuild his life, starting from the very beginning for a clean slate. He’ll start living again, with the mindset that even though Kyungsoo left him; he’ll find him again. They may not have made it through all the way in this universe, but maybe next lifetime, they will.
It’s been a year. And hopefully next year, may it be a year of new beginnings.
AN:
- Very first work I ever posted rofl I have no plan to post my other works
- Maybe when I gain enough confidence lol
- idk what this is I wrote this last night at 3am coz I couldn’t sleep yolo
- this is so depressing why did I write this
- I realized my writing was heading in a very angst-y direction so I kinda made a sorta maybe happy ending thingy looooooool
- bye
Pairing: Jongin/Kyungsoo
Genre: angst
Warning/s: suicide themes
Length: 886 words
It’s been a year.
A year of sleepless nights stimulated by the absence of a familiar warmth. Arms around each other, heartbeats beating as one, basking in the presence that never fails to bring comfort to a long and tedious day.
A year of avoiding the kitchen for all Jongin sees every time he enters it is narrow shoulders, cooking meals that he whined him to cook. The backside he’d hug, his hands intertwined on the other’s abdomen, nose buried in between his shoulder and neck, just appreciating the warmth the other radiates.
A year of not hearing the melodious voice that would be the first thing Jongin hears in the mornings, nagging for him to get his lazy ass up, and the last before he sleeps at night, whispering promises of forever and sweet nothings to his ears. The same voice that sings Justin Bieber’s Baby in a whispered voice in the shower, thinking Jongin couldn’t hear it from his spot in the living room, the voice that he desperately yearned to hear the words “I love you” from.
A year of reminiscing every detail of his perfection. His narrow shoulders that support a petite frame the other always found emasculating, his height that he detested because he can never reach anything but is just right for Jongin to bury the other’s head below his chin, his pale, almost translucent skin that always tempted Jongin to paint him with marks of his eternal love, his smile that could light up a starless night that would never fail to amaze and take the breathe out of him and finally, his beautiful yet amusing orbs that he himself hates the most because he says it makes others uncomfortable but never fails to drown him in a pool of content and bliss.
A year of just sitting outside the balcony, feet dangling from the railings, thinking of what-could-have-been’s if he tried harder for the love he wanted to last forever.
A year of wishing he still had Kyungsoo beside him. Wishing he had more time with the older to notice the changes. To look a little closer and see the slow degrading of his once pure soul, then corrupted with self-consciousness and doubt. Jongin could’ve seen the desperation for support and encouragement in the other’s eyes, and the following disappointment for his failure to understand the pain Kyungsoo was going through. He could’ve asked him what was wrong, talk about things, find a solution to the predicament that damaged the older and face it together.
A year of regret. Regretting not seeing what Kyungsoo needed, for Jongin was selfish, too wrapped up in his own cloud of content to see the other’s restlessness. Regretting not being able to stop him from slitting his own wrist, slashing the pulse and slowly letting the life be sucked out of him. Regretting not finding his lover’s lifeless body sprawled out on the bathroom floor earlier, pale complexion even paler from the fluorescent’s light and the body’s loss of life. Regret for simply not being able to be an escape for Kyungsoo like he was for Jongin.
A year of desperation to move on and let go. To continue on his monotone office job in the bustling part of the city, to go out to meet and make friends, maybe even meet someone new who’d take his damaged heart in and mend a new path for him to a better tomorrow. But Jongin won’t easily give up on his and Kyungsoo’s promise. For the past 365 days, he’s been a big ball of mess. Mutual friends visited him and tried to take him out of his shell of misery, families of both his and Kyungsoo’s talked to him, telling Jongin it wasn’t healthy for him to keep on latching onto his memories of the other, to forget and move on for the benefit of the both of them. It’s not that he won’t, it’s just that he can’t. It’s not as easy as they make it out to be, not when everything he sees and does reminds him of Kyungsoo.
A year of continuous downfalls. Jongin got fired for his 2-week absence, not even bothering to give a damn about it. He refused to eat, only wanting what Kyungsoo cooked, only eating a few spoonful’s just to appease whoever cared to bring him nutrition, just so he could finally get rid of them and continue to bask in his self-hatred and shame. He survived with the help of his family and friends, but with time they have moved on and less people still understood Jongin’s eternal grief. He was alive, but he wasn’t living.
It’s been a year and Jongin still won’t -- can’t let go. Maybe someday, he will. Find a new inspiration, someone to fill in the holes with hope and happiness(maybe even love) that a boy with large, round eyes and narrow shoulders vacated. He’ll rebuild his life, starting from the very beginning for a clean slate. He’ll start living again, with the mindset that even though Kyungsoo left him; he’ll find him again. They may not have made it through all the way in this universe, but maybe next lifetime, they will.
It’s been a year. And hopefully next year, may it be a year of new beginnings.
AN:
- Very first work I ever posted rofl I have no plan to post my other works
- Maybe when I gain enough confidence lol
- idk what this is I wrote this last night at 3am coz I couldn’t sleep yolo
- this is so depressing why did I write this
- I realized my writing was heading in a very angst-y direction so I kinda made a sorta maybe happy ending thingy looooooool
- bye