life goes easy on me (most of the time)
and so it is
just like you said it would be
life goes easy on me
most of the time
and so it is
the shorter story
no love no glory
no hero in her skies
i can't take my eyes off of you...
and so it is
just like you said it should be
we'll both forget the breeze
most of the time
and so it is
the colder water
the blower's daughter
the pupil in denial
i can't take my eyes off of you...
ooh, did i say that i loathe you?
did i say that i want to
leave it all behind?
i can't take my mind off of you
i can't take my mind off of you
i can't take my mind off of you
i can't take my mind off of you
i can't take my mind off of you
i can't take my mind off of you
my mind
my mind
'till i find somebody new.
that fucking song. it's everywhere. zarah was singing it in the dressing room so i burnt her the cd and she said, "leemore, you're so sweet" and gave me a hug and a kiss with that beautiful smile of hers shining... and of course, it was in *closer* which i saw with zana the other night and it was beautiful in so many ways... jude law is forever perfect to me... forever, i just see no faults in him at all... and for anyone that calls his character a sad english puppy dog, i saw way beyond that, he was definitely my favorite... and of course, my natty... my sweet natalie who, and i have no qualms about saying this... if i were a lesbian, i'd bang her in a second. ohmigod, she's a fucking goddess. alice ayres. plain jane jones. when she said that to clive owen's character... "plain jane jones"... WOW. wow. clive owen was damn good too. and julia roberts had two moments which comprised the only things i've ever liked that she's done. so good for her. but when alice (natty) asked daniel (jude) "why can't love be enough?", i was waiting for him to answer her... but he never did.
and of course, the fucking song reminds me of max. because everything reminds me of max. anything. and the show is over now and last night was just BAD. not the performance, the performance was fine... but there were just a lot of bad feelings going around. and it's over now. we're finished. and everyone saw it, everyone saw him and he was everyone's favorite and everyone saw how charming and unique and talented and amazing he is and everyone commented on it... and he's so humble and he doesn't wanna hear the nicolas cage comparisons and blah blah blah. towards the end, the feelings of loving the show but being so apart from everyone really kicked into overdrive and i wasn't able to enjoy it. i'm sad it's over. i want to get away from these people who i continually believe couldn't care less about me. i don't know. i don't know, it's over. it's finished. whatever. there are pictures. there's gonna be a video. i'll enjoy it then. when i watch that. and remember how much i loved the show and i loved the talent. there's a picture of me and max... it's really terrible and i'm not gonna post it on here because i'm just not going to, but if you'd like to see it, lemme know and i'll send it to you or something. i look really happy. he doesn't smile in pictures. but he has his arm around me. whatever. it's us. the us that never existed. it's better than nothing.
i apologize for making it seem like he's the only thing in the world. but he eclipses everything. and i just find it so ironic that the show i'm most proud of, i really wasn't able to enjoy to the fullest. i've never been a part of something so filled with life and freedom and energy... but we weren't a family. maybe there were too many of us. maybe everyone was just doing their own thing. maybe i fucked up. i don't know what it was. and i don't wanna think about it anymore. there's a cast party tonight and i'm scared it's gonna be awkward. but we'll see. it's over now... and i have a lot of obligations and i'm scared. ummm... i dunno.