Time to stop chasing shadows
My brother Cliff. May he find what he is looking for.
Well I must admit this one threw me for a loop. Just when I thought all the pieces had fallen into place, someone kicked the puzzle. Just a bad time I suppose. My only regret is I should have been there when it mattered the most. I regret not stopping him from ever joining the Army. What one seen as a role play game, he took serious. Then he joined the damn Army. Then Bush starts a damn war. Could it have gotten more misconstrued?
Kevin and me are doing really well, and things are only looking up from where I stand. He tells me it is time to let my brother go. Like the Raven that he is, he will fly back if the need is in its eleventh hour. A ‘friend' (friend?) Called him as a bad penny that keeps showing up (What kind of friend would say that about someone?) To me he is more like a 4 leaf clover, when we are lucky we find him in the grass. I love him, I am so very proud of him, and I miss him. But Kevin is right, I have to let him go now.
I am being vague so I don't hurt anyone's feelings. There is no blame, no bad guy, no one is at fault. No one but Cliff is responsible for what he has done, what he is doing, and what he will do. Sometimes he can be so darn stupid I could just scream cuss words to make the Pope blush. Then there are times he knows exactly what he is doing, and it turns out right, even if it looks wrong. Anyone who has seen him cook thinks they must prepare for a train wreck, only to have a great meal prepared for them. Who can say if this is one of those times are not?
A friend. He is a great friend when he is around. He goes out of his way for his friends, and will literally give his only shirt off his back. I remember too many times he went hungry so another would eat. But if he isn't around, don't expect him to do the same as he has done before. An example is the friends he has in Texas, or Louisiana. They may want him around, but he hasn't been there in several years. He may think of you as a friend, and you may want him around, but he can leave and never return. Forever a gypsy. Forever roaming with no place he calls home. If he leaves, don't take it as he don't care, take it as he is gone.
Last year a picture of his mother holding him when he was a little baby surfaced. Terri had found it, scanned it, and sent it to him, thinking he would be glad to have it. With Rum Tum gone, there wasn't anything of his mother left for him. (Rum Tum was a stuffed toy, a cat, that his mother had given him before she died.) He never said anything to us about how he felt by seeing her in the picture. We do know he deleted the picture, and asked that we don't send it to him again. (He does have this odd reaction to photographs. Other than ones sent to him by this one person, and now even those.) No emotion one way or another. The same thing was repeated when I told him I was his sister. Those that don't know that drama, fit for any soap opera, please don't ask. I thought he would disown me, at least be mad at me. I expected the worse. (I also expected someone I told this story to a spell back to tell him first since at the time she was kicking him as hard as she could) But he just looked at me, as if he had always known, and with no emotion at all he just let it go. Water off a duck's back.
*laughs* Ya'll know I love Cliff more than anything, he is my brother, and I couldn't be more proud of him. So I brag a lot about him. I know I know, I just might exaggerate a little. Only a little.
Remember his personal anthem.
"If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me
For i must be travelling on now
There's too many places I gotta see
And if I stay here with you girl
Things just wouldn't be the same
For I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change
And the bird you cannot change
And the bird you cannot change
Lord knows I can't change
Bye bye it's been sweet love
Though this feeling I can't change
Please don't take it so bad now
Cause lord knows I'm to blame
And if I stay here with you girl
Things just couldn't be the same
For I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows I can't change" - Lynyrd Skynyrd Free Bird
Well I must admit this one threw me for a loop. Just when I thought all the pieces had fallen into place, someone kicked the puzzle. Just a bad time I suppose. My only regret is I should have been there when it mattered the most. I regret not stopping him from ever joining the Army. What one seen as a role play game, he took serious. Then he joined the damn Army. Then Bush starts a damn war. Could it have gotten more misconstrued?
Kevin and me are doing really well, and things are only looking up from where I stand. He tells me it is time to let my brother go. Like the Raven that he is, he will fly back if the need is in its eleventh hour. A ‘friend' (friend?) Called him as a bad penny that keeps showing up (What kind of friend would say that about someone?) To me he is more like a 4 leaf clover, when we are lucky we find him in the grass. I love him, I am so very proud of him, and I miss him. But Kevin is right, I have to let him go now.
I am being vague so I don't hurt anyone's feelings. There is no blame, no bad guy, no one is at fault. No one but Cliff is responsible for what he has done, what he is doing, and what he will do. Sometimes he can be so darn stupid I could just scream cuss words to make the Pope blush. Then there are times he knows exactly what he is doing, and it turns out right, even if it looks wrong. Anyone who has seen him cook thinks they must prepare for a train wreck, only to have a great meal prepared for them. Who can say if this is one of those times are not?
A friend. He is a great friend when he is around. He goes out of his way for his friends, and will literally give his only shirt off his back. I remember too many times he went hungry so another would eat. But if he isn't around, don't expect him to do the same as he has done before. An example is the friends he has in Texas, or Louisiana. They may want him around, but he hasn't been there in several years. He may think of you as a friend, and you may want him around, but he can leave and never return. Forever a gypsy. Forever roaming with no place he calls home. If he leaves, don't take it as he don't care, take it as he is gone.
Last year a picture of his mother holding him when he was a little baby surfaced. Terri had found it, scanned it, and sent it to him, thinking he would be glad to have it. With Rum Tum gone, there wasn't anything of his mother left for him. (Rum Tum was a stuffed toy, a cat, that his mother had given him before she died.) He never said anything to us about how he felt by seeing her in the picture. We do know he deleted the picture, and asked that we don't send it to him again. (He does have this odd reaction to photographs. Other than ones sent to him by this one person, and now even those.) No emotion one way or another. The same thing was repeated when I told him I was his sister. Those that don't know that drama, fit for any soap opera, please don't ask. I thought he would disown me, at least be mad at me. I expected the worse. (I also expected someone I told this story to a spell back to tell him first since at the time she was kicking him as hard as she could) But he just looked at me, as if he had always known, and with no emotion at all he just let it go. Water off a duck's back.
*laughs* Ya'll know I love Cliff more than anything, he is my brother, and I couldn't be more proud of him. So I brag a lot about him. I know I know, I just might exaggerate a little. Only a little.
Remember his personal anthem.
"If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me
For i must be travelling on now
There's too many places I gotta see
And if I stay here with you girl
Things just wouldn't be the same
For I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change
And the bird you cannot change
And the bird you cannot change
Lord knows I can't change
Bye bye it's been sweet love
Though this feeling I can't change
Please don't take it so bad now
Cause lord knows I'm to blame
And if I stay here with you girl
Things just couldn't be the same
For I'm as free as a bird now
And this bird you cannot change
Lord knows I can't change" - Lynyrd Skynyrd Free Bird