what a life......
Been a while......
The past few months has been a crazy few months. I believe fully that I am smack dab in the middle of a mental breakdown. I think that I have finally had something hit me. I am alone and I have been for a while. I have never had a problem with being alone or so I thought. But I think seeing all of my high school classmates married, having kids, getting married, or in a committed relationship, has created this feeling in me that I don't want to be alone anymore. I really don't know what I want at this point in my life. Every time that I see someone in a relationship, all I can see is a bad relationship because I am so cynical, but I think that I have realized that there are relationships in which people are completely happy. I just don't understand how it is that people can be happy and I can't. But I can't be happy with another person.
So what do I do? Am I just supposed to be alone for the rest of my life? I really hate it, but I think I would rather be alone than hurt. Isn't that what love is though? Falling and praying to god that you don't get hurt, even though you know deep down inside that if you have to feel that hurt to feel the love that you're feeling, then it's worth it. I think my problem is that deep down I'm a romantic, but I am so cynical about love and I believe that there is no way that one person that could truly be in love. I don't know what it is about me that makes me so complex. I can write about love all day, but when it comes down to my own life, I haven't the foggiest clue what to do. And even when I write about love, it is the darkest love in the world. Something is wrong with me.
In other news, my niece was expelled from school because she wrote a bomb threat on the wall of the bathroom. She can't go back until next fall which is fantastic because she is annoying as hell. However, she is still able to do all of her work and take her tests. She is also still allowed to take her MAP testing, which is the state testing in Missouri. I think she is slowly learning that what she did was wrong and her mother has been talking about holding her back a year to prove to her that there are consequences for your actions as you grow up.
Well, that's about it. Talk to you guys later.
Loves and kisses,
Jenn ;)
The past few months has been a crazy few months. I believe fully that I am smack dab in the middle of a mental breakdown. I think that I have finally had something hit me. I am alone and I have been for a while. I have never had a problem with being alone or so I thought. But I think seeing all of my high school classmates married, having kids, getting married, or in a committed relationship, has created this feeling in me that I don't want to be alone anymore. I really don't know what I want at this point in my life. Every time that I see someone in a relationship, all I can see is a bad relationship because I am so cynical, but I think that I have realized that there are relationships in which people are completely happy. I just don't understand how it is that people can be happy and I can't. But I can't be happy with another person.
So what do I do? Am I just supposed to be alone for the rest of my life? I really hate it, but I think I would rather be alone than hurt. Isn't that what love is though? Falling and praying to god that you don't get hurt, even though you know deep down inside that if you have to feel that hurt to feel the love that you're feeling, then it's worth it. I think my problem is that deep down I'm a romantic, but I am so cynical about love and I believe that there is no way that one person that could truly be in love. I don't know what it is about me that makes me so complex. I can write about love all day, but when it comes down to my own life, I haven't the foggiest clue what to do. And even when I write about love, it is the darkest love in the world. Something is wrong with me.
In other news, my niece was expelled from school because she wrote a bomb threat on the wall of the bathroom. She can't go back until next fall which is fantastic because she is annoying as hell. However, she is still able to do all of her work and take her tests. She is also still allowed to take her MAP testing, which is the state testing in Missouri. I think she is slowly learning that what she did was wrong and her mother has been talking about holding her back a year to prove to her that there are consequences for your actions as you grow up.
Well, that's about it. Talk to you guys later.
Loves and kisses,
Jenn ;)