You are not doing everything the wrong way. I feel that way sometimes, but I know deep down it's not true. We all make mistakes.... sometimes really bad ones. Last year I cut myself too deep, my mom despite the fact I'm over 18 kept me from my boyfriend, and becaue I broke a phone somehow managed to get me in a psych ward....I still struggle, and I cut for the stupidest reasons, and I'm not even intoxicated. You messed up, but you can still keep trying. I know it's hard. It sucks when you cave in. Your life is valuable --- so please, hang in there. It's horrible, but have faith that it gets better. I think we all need to just believe that, even if it doesn't seem like it.
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