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[dont_panic_42]

http://wbztv.com/topstories/local_story_271141101.htmlRead more... )

Comments

[doctorhenshin]

Nope, nobody cares at Nauset, because when somebody goes missing during school hours, everybody knows that they're probably just out having sex, and therefore perfectly safe.

[derfrownmacher]

Besides, school wide searches are no good without incentive. For the searchers, a bomb that will kill them all if they don't find it on time. For the runners, getting shot upon being found.

Speaking of which, I'd somehow neglected to add 'mating on public grounds' to the death penalty list. Maybe it should just fall under 'showing any form of affection for another terran outside of certified breeding centers', but it doesn't hurt to clarify.

Anyhow, glad to hear college is at least interesting.

[fetus_fetish]

At least they weren't fornicating in a giant floating pumpkin (http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2007/10/01/vo.oh.pumpkin.regatta.whio). A good question to ask, though, is who told the father and why? Do people in Weare, New Hampshire not have the intelligence capacity to avoid mentioning to their upsettingly protective and probably gun-toting fathers that some baggy-pants-wearing', hat-on-backwards-havin', hip-hop-listenin' member of the opposite sex has shishkebabed all the cherries from her virginity jubilee? And why did they need to bang each other during such a conspicuous time as when they were supposed to be at school? They almost deserve what they got on grounds of aggravated retardedness. *squid fountain*
*apologies for prolonged and foully reeking rant*

Speaking of which, since when do authorities get so upset about your choice of food-devouring locations?