That's Okay, I Didn't Need That Pesky Old-Fashioned Faith In Humanity Anyway...
So I wake up this morning with a text message on my phone from someone I know, and a vague sense that I should not answer it. Ignoring it, I answer quickly then start thinking about why I shouldn’t answer.
Then the answer triggers. I remember.
Because this so-called friend is a STALKER. That's why.
See, I met him at the pub and we got along fairly well - he's somewhere in his forties I think, has a sixteen year old and a twenty-four year old son, and we were friends. Well, so I thought. So he works at the local newspaper and knows lots of people and invites me to a few events, and I enjoyed them, still as his friend (I thought - oh silly silly me.)
So one time I see him on a Friday night (ran into him on accident, or so I thought) and on the Saturday night by a pre-arranged meeting. ETA: Some more details of that Friday that in hindsight became significant - he hated it when a guy flirted with me in my local, and not liking his bossiness I waited till he was in the loo and had the guy write his name and number in my book. Soon after, he insistently hastened me out to his local, informing me that that bloke only wanted to have sex with me and had no respect for me as a person, etc. Later that night he kisses me and tries to get me to go back to his house. I don't. On the Saturday morning I find that my book (with some reasonably important information in it) is gone. When we meet Saturday night, when I'm sober and more coherent, I ask him about the book. He swears he hasn't seen it and I must have dropped it in the park. (I can't prove he took it but with the timing it's suspicious.) I also explain to him that I'm not interested in any more than friendship and I'm asexual, and he appears to accept that, but as he starts drinking more he starts asking questions about it.
At first they are normal questions like "why?" "haven't you ever liked it?" etc and I'm okay with answering them. Then they get creepier and more personal and more graphic and I realise that this supposedly intelligent and cultured person is pulling the old You've just not been with me the right person and therefore I can cure your sexual orientation with my cock love and respect for you routine.
I start getting annoyed with repeating myself and I start getting REALLY sick of him telling me that he "would like, one day, to kiss your vagina" (yes, those exact words, every time) even though I kept on saying "no thanks do not want", and basically every time I explain he nods and goes on about "maybe one day" and I realise that he's just going to keep on asking the same questions. When I finally stormed off to the taxi rank he asked me out on Sunday as well. I said no, and left all text messages unanswered for three weeks.
I also happened to not go to the pub (which I usually go to on Friday) for those three weeks due to lupus playing up / no money / just didn't feel like it. Last night I did go, and he arrives there later. This morning I realised he's probably been going there on Fridays looking for me. To be fair, he goes there sometimes himself, but...
Anyway, he sees me and is INSTANTLY by my side, asking if he can sit. Well, okay, I grudgingly say, and he's immediately asking why I didn't contact him. I said it because I was ill (which was actually true) and because I wasn't happy with him not respecting my boundaries. He is bewildered so I explain what I was upset about - maybe now he's sober it might actually compute? Hope springs eternal... He agrees, appears contrite and says that he wants to be a friend. I foolishly relax and feel relieved that my message got through at last, and no I won't ignore his texts again. So he is SUPPOSEDLY here for one drink, right? Because his sister is driving up an she'll be arriving at midnight or somesuch and he has to clean his house.
Several drinks later he's at it AGAIN, how as a friend he is unhappy that I'm denying myself an important part of life, that he can cure me (he actually used that word this time) he tries to kiss me again, he uses the dreaded phrase "kiss your vagina" which is now BURNED onto my memory as said in his accent (Polish, I think) and he suggests that I come to his house to help him clean it for his sister to arrive.
So yes, I am just reeling by this point. I've tried twice now to be polite and answer his questions, but it's clear that he's determined to keep on asking until I give the 'correct' answer. What he says about friendship is a lie, and once he starts drinking, he starts saying what he's actually thinking. The scary thing is though, I think he thinks we're headed not just to bed, but into some sort of relationship. He's told his sixteen-year-old SON about me, for fuck's sake. It creeps me out to no end to think that he was thinking anything was going to happen between us while being comfortable totally trampling all over my boundaries, AFTER he extracted a promise from me that I wouldn't "ignore him like that again".
So this morning I wake up and realise that I have no idea how to deal with this because a whole bunch of things that didn't register at the time are jumping out in my memory now. How he shifted towards me on the sofa, I shifted away and he kept shifting till I was stuck. How this time when I told him we were not going to sleep together he said "one day, you will." Just casually tossed it over his shoulder as if he was telling me the earth was round or some other fact of life. I honestly thought at the time I couldn't have heard that right, but I did. At least last time when I got pissed off, he at least asked "one day, will you?" (let me kiss your yeah that word I hate that phrase so much now). Sure, both nights he asked multiple times and ignored my increasingly pissed-off "no"s, but last night when he informed me "one day, you will" I just - I literally couldn't believe I hadn't misheard.
The problem is that I really don't think that he thinks he's done anything wrong. If I try to address it he'll think I'm being some unreasonable harpy who let him take her on dates and then totally failed to recompense him abused the friendship etc etc.
So... Yeah. So many suitcases of bad. So much for the man who I thought was intelligent, cultured and kind. I just don't know about anything anymore. Anyone got suggestions?
Then the answer triggers. I remember.
Because this so-called friend is a STALKER. That's why.
See, I met him at the pub and we got along fairly well - he's somewhere in his forties I think, has a sixteen year old and a twenty-four year old son, and we were friends. Well, so I thought. So he works at the local newspaper and knows lots of people and invites me to a few events, and I enjoyed them, still as his friend (I thought - oh silly silly me.)
So one time I see him on a Friday night (ran into him on accident, or so I thought) and on the Saturday night by a pre-arranged meeting. ETA: Some more details of that Friday that in hindsight became significant - he hated it when a guy flirted with me in my local, and not liking his bossiness I waited till he was in the loo and had the guy write his name and number in my book. Soon after, he insistently hastened me out to his local, informing me that that bloke only wanted to have sex with me and had no respect for me as a person, etc. Later that night he kisses me and tries to get me to go back to his house. I don't. On the Saturday morning I find that my book (with some reasonably important information in it) is gone. When we meet Saturday night, when I'm sober and more coherent, I ask him about the book. He swears he hasn't seen it and I must have dropped it in the park. (I can't prove he took it but with the timing it's suspicious.) I also explain to him that I'm not interested in any more than friendship and I'm asexual, and he appears to accept that, but as he starts drinking more he starts asking questions about it.
At first they are normal questions like "why?" "haven't you ever liked it?" etc and I'm okay with answering them. Then they get creepier and more personal and more graphic and I realise that this supposedly intelligent and cultured person is pulling the old You've just not been with me the right person and therefore I can cure your sexual orientation with my cock love and respect for you routine.
I start getting annoyed with repeating myself and I start getting REALLY sick of him telling me that he "would like, one day, to kiss your vagina" (yes, those exact words, every time) even though I kept on saying "no thanks do not want", and basically every time I explain he nods and goes on about "maybe one day" and I realise that he's just going to keep on asking the same questions. When I finally stormed off to the taxi rank he asked me out on Sunday as well. I said no, and left all text messages unanswered for three weeks.
I also happened to not go to the pub (which I usually go to on Friday) for those three weeks due to lupus playing up / no money / just didn't feel like it. Last night I did go, and he arrives there later. This morning I realised he's probably been going there on Fridays looking for me. To be fair, he goes there sometimes himself, but...
Anyway, he sees me and is INSTANTLY by my side, asking if he can sit. Well, okay, I grudgingly say, and he's immediately asking why I didn't contact him. I said it because I was ill (which was actually true) and because I wasn't happy with him not respecting my boundaries. He is bewildered so I explain what I was upset about - maybe now he's sober it might actually compute? Hope springs eternal... He agrees, appears contrite and says that he wants to be a friend. I foolishly relax and feel relieved that my message got through at last, and no I won't ignore his texts again. So he is SUPPOSEDLY here for one drink, right? Because his sister is driving up an she'll be arriving at midnight or somesuch and he has to clean his house.
Several drinks later he's at it AGAIN, how as a friend he is unhappy that I'm denying myself an important part of life, that he can cure me (he actually used that word this time) he tries to kiss me again, he uses the dreaded phrase "kiss your vagina" which is now BURNED onto my memory as said in his accent (Polish, I think) and he suggests that I come to his house to help him clean it for his sister to arrive.
So yes, I am just reeling by this point. I've tried twice now to be polite and answer his questions, but it's clear that he's determined to keep on asking until I give the 'correct' answer. What he says about friendship is a lie, and once he starts drinking, he starts saying what he's actually thinking. The scary thing is though, I think he thinks we're headed not just to bed, but into some sort of relationship. He's told his sixteen-year-old SON about me, for fuck's sake. It creeps me out to no end to think that he was thinking anything was going to happen between us while being comfortable totally trampling all over my boundaries, AFTER he extracted a promise from me that I wouldn't "ignore him like that again".
So this morning I wake up and realise that I have no idea how to deal with this because a whole bunch of things that didn't register at the time are jumping out in my memory now. How he shifted towards me on the sofa, I shifted away and he kept shifting till I was stuck. How this time when I told him we were not going to sleep together he said "one day, you will." Just casually tossed it over his shoulder as if he was telling me the earth was round or some other fact of life. I honestly thought at the time I couldn't have heard that right, but I did. At least last time when I got pissed off, he at least asked "one day, will you?" (let me kiss your yeah that word I hate that phrase so much now). Sure, both nights he asked multiple times and ignored my increasingly pissed-off "no"s, but last night when he informed me "one day, you will" I just - I literally couldn't believe I hadn't misheard.
The problem is that I really don't think that he thinks he's done anything wrong. If I try to address it he'll think I'm being some unreasonable harpy who let him take her on dates and then totally failed to recompense him abused the friendship etc etc.
So... Yeah. So many suitcases of bad. So much for the man who I thought was intelligent, cultured and kind. I just don't know about anything anymore. Anyone got suggestions?