(no subject)
when i was in elem school and i was falling asleep with a stomach ache or my parents were fighting, or just something bad, i would try to pray. id fold my little hands together and ask god to forgive me for my sins and continue with my request. if i yawned or coughed i would beg for his forgiveness. id end it with an amen, hours later falling asleep after my problem was solved. either he fixed my problem or my problem ran its course. it just ran its course. i wanted to go to sleep right then and there, dammit. i wasnt asking for much.
growing up, never believed in god. sometimes i thought he was out there, but i dont believe in the bible or all them stories, its all bullshit. he was just some regular guy - until he proves me wrong one day thats what im stickin with. just a guy, doin his thang, not helpin me.
last nite i couldnt sleep so i tried to pray like i did when i was a kid...i asked him for when i went to the doctor, for the doctor to fix me. what did the doctor tell me to do? listen to relaxing music. what the FUCK. my life is music, but it doesnt cure EVERYTHING. give me some drugs you fucker. its sooooo easy for someone to go in there and say they have ADD cos they cant watch tv and hear their parents at the same time and they get drugs. but me? ive had an ongoing problem for a year that ive tried to solve and let it run its course, and i get nothing xcept STRESS RELAXATION. stress my ass, i dont know what stress is. ive never been stressed in my life. i dont have a job. i dont care about school. i dont fight with my friends. everything is handed to me. im one lucky fucker cursed with an annoying problem. im very against medications - even for the common cold, i say let it run its course. but just this ONCE i want some FUCKING DRUGS!!1211!!
i dont want any of your god rants - sure he cant help me asap and all the time and blah blah. he cant help me asap because he doesnt exsist. when your problem is cured, its not cos of him, its cos your problem ran its natural course. god can suck my fucking cock.
on another note, marc and i saw without a paddle tonite. he is too cute all the time. he laughed so hard. makes me too happy. i hate to not be with him, cos then i go on rants like that one. he is all i want and all i need. i cant wait to move to be closer to him. my life is complete - once the doctor fixes me. kthxbi.