Murphy's Laws of Love
Bold ones I think are true.
# All the good ones are taken.
# If the person isn't taken, there's a reason.
# The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
# Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
This constant is always zero.
# The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
# Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
# The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.
# Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
# Nice guys (girls) finish last.
# The good ones die first.
# If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
# Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.
# The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
# Nothing improves with age.
# No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
# Sex has no calories.
# Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
# There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
# Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
# No sex with anyone in the same office.
# Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
# A man in the house is worth two in the street.
# If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
# Virginity can be cured.
# When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
# Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
# The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
# Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
# It is always the wrong time of month.
# The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
# When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
# Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
# Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
# The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
# It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
# Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
# Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
# There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
# Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
# Love is a hole in the heart.
# If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
# Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
Now....did you catch the pun in the cut title?
# All the good ones are taken.
# If the person isn't taken, there's a reason.
# The nicer someone is, the farther away (s)he is from you.
# Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
This constant is always zero.
# The amount of love someone feels for you is inversely proportional to how much you love them.
# Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position.
# The best things in the world are free --- and worth every penny of it.
# Every kind action has a not-so-kind reaction.
# Nice guys (girls) finish last.
# The good ones die first.
# If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
# Availability is a function of time. The minute you get interested is the minute they find someone else.
# The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
# Nothing improves with age.
# No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
# Sex has no calories.
# Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
# There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
# Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
# No sex with anyone in the same office.
# Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
# A man in the house is worth two in the street.
# If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
# Virginity can be cured.
# When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
# Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
# The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
# Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
# It is always the wrong time of month.
# The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
# When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
# Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
# Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
# The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
# It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
# Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
# Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
# There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
# Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
# Love is a hole in the heart.
# If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
# Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
Now....did you catch the pun in the cut title?