I haven't really talked about it or thought about it a lot, but, today in Wind Ensemble,(while mrs. Brown was talking for an hour) I just started thinking...Sarah, and Jonathan, and Kevin and Hassan and Cameron...everyone....they just aren't here. Looking around the room I realized that everything had changed, and it was now a reality. Last spring all I wanted was for that day to come...
and today I sat there and looked at the people around me, and where I was sitting thinking,"This is uncomfortable, I want Sarah to be in Front of me, I want Matt to be next to me, and I want Stephen to be by my side." "What am I doing here???????" "Where is Cameron???" "Who is that idiot and why are they here???" "Why did I want this to happen??.."
Then, because of my stupid emotions and plain stupidity, I just started crying.....right there. Tears running down my face. It was so dumb. I felt like an idiot.
It' was really hard for me too, like being in this totally different reality now, but then i just excepted it instead of fighting it, becasue i fought it for the longest time, but time still seemed to be moving on. Dont get me wrong, i still miss band incredably, i dont know when i'll ever get over it, but i still try to make everything with what i have now. I would want to do it all over again in a heart beat!
Kevin is sitting right next to me and he also misses being in wind ensemble too.
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I haven't really talked about it or thought about it a lot, but, today in Wind Ensemble,(while mrs. Brown was talking for an hour) I just started thinking...Sarah, and Jonathan, and Kevin and Hassan and Cameron...everyone....they just aren't here. Looking around the room I realized that everything had changed, and it was now a reality. Last spring all I wanted was for that day to come...
and today I sat there and looked at the people around me, and where I was sitting thinking,"This is uncomfortable, I want Sarah to be in Front of me, I want Matt to be next to me, and I want Stephen to be by my side." "What am I doing here???????" "Where is Cameron???" "Who is that idiot and why are they here???" "Why did I want this to happen??.."
Then, because of my stupid emotions and plain stupidity, I just started crying.....right there. Tears running down my face. It was so dumb. I felt like an idiot.
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It' was really hard for me too, like being in this totally different reality now, but then i just excepted it instead of fighting it, becasue i fought it for the longest time, but time still seemed to be moving on. Dont get me wrong, i still miss band incredably, i dont know when i'll ever get over it, but i still try to make everything with what i have now. I would want to do it all over again in a heart beat!
Kevin is sitting right next to me and he also misses being in wind ensemble too.
I miss you guys too!
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