Nothing like a romantic movie to depress you well...
Coupled with news from my little brother it doesn't get any worse. Usually I'd deal with this by some cryptic story bit randomly posted here, which no one would understand or notice, but this time I might as well be blunt.
When the FUCK is it my turn?!
I don't want to wish for it, or waste my luck on idle hopes when it could be needed elsewhere more important. But really, where IS it? Do I have to become someone else to get noticed? Do I have to lose myself? Do I have to finish one of my stories, like Nyi waiting forever until that right moment came for his chance? He waited 6-7 years, I've waited far longer than that. I'm now older than Kephri for gods sakes. I don't want much...I just want someone to care about. I want my goddamned fairytale, why do you think I've been writing them for so long?!
I wish words could come true, then I could write myself something better. Where I didn't have to sit alone in a corner with my stories because no one notices me. I know I'm invisible, I have been for years. I'm not feminine enough, I'm not that attractive, I'd rather die than wear skirts or makeup. I read too many books, no interest in "normal" pop culture, and can only talk about my stories which have alot of gay male characters. There's nothing here to attract anyone, and yet I still hope. That's all I really am, just the hope left in the box, waiting for some day to be let out. I have hope even now, when its almost too blurry to see the screen and I hope I'm typing correctly. I have hope that someday he'll show up.
But I really want to wish.