Fan Letter: Persuasive Essay for English
So, I was talking to my teacher about our persuasive essay yesterday and she mentioned crazy fan letters. So I asked if I could do a fan letter as an essay. And she said yes because that's pretty much what fan letters are.
On that note, I present you with a fan letter to Jake Gyllenhaal.
Warnings: Abuse of italics, and crazy valley girl talk.
Dear Jake Gyllenhaal,
Hi! I’m your biggest fan! I’ve seen all of your movies, even Bubble Boy (I don’t care what everyone else says, you were fantastic in that little plastic bubble), and I just wanted to write and tell you just how amazing you are. I mean, really, really amazing. I’m sure people tell you that all the time, but I really mean it. I’ve read all your interviews and have, like, all your pictures saved on my computer and I have posters of you all over my room. You’re just so incredibly talented and so adorable.
For instance, both of us have brown hair and pale blue eyes. We both love to have our picture taken and to be on camera. We both love to buy ourselves expensive jewelry on special occasions. I love the book To Kill A Mockingbird a lot too. Well, actually, I’ve never read the book, but I have seen parts of the movie! And what I saw was totally amazing. Even though I didn’t like the black and white. I mean, couldn’t they have at least had it be in colour? Anyway, I don’t have any pets named after the characters like you do or anything, but it’s because they keep dying because I forget to feed them, but don’t worry! I would totally remember to feed Boo and Atticus. And also: both of us completely love to act on stage. What are the odds that two people would have so much in common?!
Anyway, I just wanted to say that, in your movies, you always do an amazing job. I could totally relate to your character in Donnie Darko because I too sometimes hear and see things that aren’t there, so like, you’ve been that character and can totally understand what I’m going through. I know you’d be so supportive and helpful and stuff for reminding me to take my medication, and I could help you like, memorize your lines and stuff. I’m really good at things like that. I know all of Jennifer Aniston’s lines from The Good Girl and whenever I watch that movie I pretend I’m her, talking to you. Isn’t that way romantic? I’ve seen Brokeback Mountain like, twelve times already and I’ve almost got all of Heath Ledger’s lines down. I just pretend when you’re talking to him, you’re really talking to me and that, you know, he’s a girl. It’s really hard to do sometimes because people are always telling me to shut up and stuff in the theatres. I just get so into it and get really loud and sometimes I just start crying. I even bring a shirt with fake blood on it to hold during that once scene. That movie was so good, too bad people keep thinking you’re gay now.
I know you’re not gay. I mean, there are all there rumours and things out there that you are dating Austin Nichols, your friend from The Day After Tomorrow (also such a good movie, I don’t get what critics are talking about), but I think they are totally unfounded. Sure, you guys went to the Laker game together and there was that picture where his fly was unzipped and you’re leaning over and totally smiling suggestively, but that happens to everyone. I mean, it was probably a totally innocent conversation and the paparazzi just got you making a face while telling a story or something after Austin went to the bathroom and forgot to zip up. Or that other set of photos were you two were walking around West Hollywood and your guys’ hair and clothes were totally disheveled, making people think you guys totally just got out of bed and through on what was laying around from the night before, but that doesn’t mean anything! I mean, I still sleep over at some of my girlfriends’ houses, that doesn’t mean we’re dating. And sure, you took him to the premiere of Jarhead at the Arclight. Again, still doesn’t mean anything! And neither does that whole thing where you had Tom Ford messing around in your pants, he was just helping you out for the photo shoot! I mean, you did date Kirsten Dunst. I know you don’t like to talk about or anything, but it doesn’t mean that it was just a totally false, publicity-spun romance like everyone says it was. I swear, people need to get over themselves. They just want you to be gay because they know that they could never have you. They don’t understand you like I do.
They don’t understand that you’re a sensitive guy who needs his space when he works and that sometimes you just get so into your work that you forget you’re acting and just lose control. It’s understandable. I also understand that sometimes you need some time by yourself, not to be crowded, because that leads to fights, and I don’t think I could ever go ten days without talking to you. That would just be horrible. I mean, I have no idea what I would do. But anyway, you see how well I understand you, and how we are totally made for each other.
I think together we would be an amazing couple because we are so similar and would get along amazingly. I could bring you breakfast in bed and rub your feet and cook you dinner at the end of a long day of shooting and we would be the most adorable couple since, like, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. Just think of all the cute photos of us that would be in the paper. I’m sure I would even get along with Kristen, ‘cause I know you guys are still friends. Her and I could be total BFFs. It would be awesome! I bet I would even get along with your sister, because she is totally awesome like you. I mean, she’s related to you, how can she not be?!
Anyway, I hope this letter reaches you and you read it and see just how much we should be together. That would be so amazing. Well, I have to go do my Algebra homework and go to bed, because I have cheerleading practice in the morning and my mom hates it when I stay up late. Total eye roll. Anyway, Laters!
Love Always and Forever,
Shelly Pomeroy
P.S. - Write me back soon! My mom says I can use her wedding dress when I grow into it in a few years!
On that note, I present you with a fan letter to Jake Gyllenhaal.
Warnings: Abuse of italics, and crazy valley girl talk.
Dear Jake Gyllenhaal,
Hi! I’m your biggest fan! I’ve seen all of your movies, even Bubble Boy (I don’t care what everyone else says, you were fantastic in that little plastic bubble), and I just wanted to write and tell you just how amazing you are. I mean, really, really amazing. I’m sure people tell you that all the time, but I really mean it. I’ve read all your interviews and have, like, all your pictures saved on my computer and I have posters of you all over my room. You’re just so incredibly talented and so adorable.
For instance, both of us have brown hair and pale blue eyes. We both love to have our picture taken and to be on camera. We both love to buy ourselves expensive jewelry on special occasions. I love the book To Kill A Mockingbird a lot too. Well, actually, I’ve never read the book, but I have seen parts of the movie! And what I saw was totally amazing. Even though I didn’t like the black and white. I mean, couldn’t they have at least had it be in colour? Anyway, I don’t have any pets named after the characters like you do or anything, but it’s because they keep dying because I forget to feed them, but don’t worry! I would totally remember to feed Boo and Atticus. And also: both of us completely love to act on stage. What are the odds that two people would have so much in common?!
Anyway, I just wanted to say that, in your movies, you always do an amazing job. I could totally relate to your character in Donnie Darko because I too sometimes hear and see things that aren’t there, so like, you’ve been that character and can totally understand what I’m going through. I know you’d be so supportive and helpful and stuff for reminding me to take my medication, and I could help you like, memorize your lines and stuff. I’m really good at things like that. I know all of Jennifer Aniston’s lines from The Good Girl and whenever I watch that movie I pretend I’m her, talking to you. Isn’t that way romantic? I’ve seen Brokeback Mountain like, twelve times already and I’ve almost got all of Heath Ledger’s lines down. I just pretend when you’re talking to him, you’re really talking to me and that, you know, he’s a girl. It’s really hard to do sometimes because people are always telling me to shut up and stuff in the theatres. I just get so into it and get really loud and sometimes I just start crying. I even bring a shirt with fake blood on it to hold during that once scene. That movie was so good, too bad people keep thinking you’re gay now.
I know you’re not gay. I mean, there are all there rumours and things out there that you are dating Austin Nichols, your friend from The Day After Tomorrow (also such a good movie, I don’t get what critics are talking about), but I think they are totally unfounded. Sure, you guys went to the Laker game together and there was that picture where his fly was unzipped and you’re leaning over and totally smiling suggestively, but that happens to everyone. I mean, it was probably a totally innocent conversation and the paparazzi just got you making a face while telling a story or something after Austin went to the bathroom and forgot to zip up. Or that other set of photos were you two were walking around West Hollywood and your guys’ hair and clothes were totally disheveled, making people think you guys totally just got out of bed and through on what was laying around from the night before, but that doesn’t mean anything! I mean, I still sleep over at some of my girlfriends’ houses, that doesn’t mean we’re dating. And sure, you took him to the premiere of Jarhead at the Arclight. Again, still doesn’t mean anything! And neither does that whole thing where you had Tom Ford messing around in your pants, he was just helping you out for the photo shoot! I mean, you did date Kirsten Dunst. I know you don’t like to talk about or anything, but it doesn’t mean that it was just a totally false, publicity-spun romance like everyone says it was. I swear, people need to get over themselves. They just want you to be gay because they know that they could never have you. They don’t understand you like I do.
They don’t understand that you’re a sensitive guy who needs his space when he works and that sometimes you just get so into your work that you forget you’re acting and just lose control. It’s understandable. I also understand that sometimes you need some time by yourself, not to be crowded, because that leads to fights, and I don’t think I could ever go ten days without talking to you. That would just be horrible. I mean, I have no idea what I would do. But anyway, you see how well I understand you, and how we are totally made for each other.
I think together we would be an amazing couple because we are so similar and would get along amazingly. I could bring you breakfast in bed and rub your feet and cook you dinner at the end of a long day of shooting and we would be the most adorable couple since, like, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. Just think of all the cute photos of us that would be in the paper. I’m sure I would even get along with Kristen, ‘cause I know you guys are still friends. Her and I could be total BFFs. It would be awesome! I bet I would even get along with your sister, because she is totally awesome like you. I mean, she’s related to you, how can she not be?!
Anyway, I hope this letter reaches you and you read it and see just how much we should be together. That would be so amazing. Well, I have to go do my Algebra homework and go to bed, because I have cheerleading practice in the morning and my mom hates it when I stay up late. Total eye roll. Anyway, Laters!
Love Always and Forever,
Shelly Pomeroy
P.S. - Write me back soon! My mom says I can use her wedding dress when I grow into it in a few years!