(Untitled)

[dorko_suavo]

Taking Tim's suggestions I though I would work on this poem since I really liked the concept. I didn't like the way the end of the poem turned out so I will probably will do another one later, I just wanted to finish it so I could write another post

Old poemThese words are just a monkey dance

Comments

[pseudoanalyst]

Excellent improvement.

Now try and go further. Start exploring and peeling back your revised version. What do I mean by that? Try focusing around single line of your poem and write another poem about that line. Try and dig out as much imagery as you can from a single line of your poem. Ask yourself questions about your lines.

For example the line "work, manic bag"

what kind of work are you talking about? Is it hard? is it something you don't want to do? How does work relate to the manic bag? is work a manic bag? What does a manic bag look like? smell like? taste like? Feel like? sound like?

[dorko_suavo]

Thanks Tim. I was reading some ee cummings and his poems seem to break convention. Example:
why must itself up every of a park
anus stick some quote statue unquote to
prove that a hero equals any jerk
who was afraid to dare to answer "no"?

There doesn't seem to be as much imagery in this, there seems to be more of a concept. I'm trying to be more conceptual than image based, I was thought like you that poetry was mostly image based but it seems like once imagery of something is "mastered" then the concept of the poem is more important. The above four lines are quite awesome but all I see is a statue and a quote but many of the niddy gritty details are left to my imagination.

[pseudoanalyst]

Dude, it just hit me.

Write poetry in Spanish, it will probably sound amazing.