new words for things?

[dorywithserifs]

The other day, at dinner at Sarah's I put for the question:

Is there a name for the phenomenon of breaking up with someone by just not returning their calls while they are not returning yours? And if not, can we think of something?
We debated for a while about the name being a phrase including the word "mutual" or "common", generally agreeing that

Comments

[twoheaded_boy]

it's totally comprehensible, but it would be nice to have something catchier. that situation tends not to be so much a breakup as a false start, anyway.

this is what people usually mean when they say things "fizzled out", right?

You could say, "we had a 'fizzle-out'".

[dorywithserifs]

I think when things fizzle out you find yourself spending a lot of time with someone who you just dont' find yourself having fun with anymore. I think that a fizzle-out could end in a silent breakup, but it could just as easily be "officially" ended. Y'know, with words.

[lyotards_pants]

You can say "breakup by inaction", but then you don't have a name for it, you're just describing it. Also, it's not specific enough to point out the phenomnon you're describing - is the inaction just on one side, or mutual? Names for things are different from just saying what they are, although sometimes they appear as a styalized version of that. Why not, "mutual inaction" or "breakup by mutual inaction" (yes, I know it's just a description, but it has some rhythm to it

[dorywithserifs]

Well, that's a a better description, but I'm not sure it's a better name.

[thejay_r]

hm. i agree. breakup by inaction is more of a description, and there's something a bit grammatically... unaesthetic about the phrase. i think its the "by", but im not sure why. but im feeling the inclusion of the word "mutual".

i mean, are you focusing on the actual act of not contacting each other? or on the feeling of mutual ceasing to care? or is it specifically in the act of not telephoning? The indicator "phenomenon" is somewhat ambiguous...

i clearly miss you ;)

[dorywithserifs]

I think it's A and B...not caring, therefore not communicating....

Maybe "silent breakup" ??

[thejay_r]

i like mono's options. The cross-fade really hits it. i dont think you have to further imply "breakup" in this case, because the breaking up part is described in the active (or passive, i guess) fading...

maybe relationship, or relational cross-fade? Even alone, when used in context, it makes sense. Like "i think it's over. we're kind of cross-fading at this point". or "we are experiencing a relationship cross-fade".

[niceandnaughty]

how's about 'passive breakup', which is a little less grammatically clunky and a bit catchier, maybe?

and a 'tacit breakup' could work too: it's implied without being said, like after the first unreturned phone call. although, then there's the part where he just doesn't get it and keeps texting and well, that's just annoying.

[dorywithserifs]

Yes..you're onto something. "[adjective] breakup" is clearly the way to go. I'm advocating for "silent" at this moment, though passive is good too.

I think, though, that if the other party just keeps pushing it, then we're dealing with something else, maybe? No. If they keep being chatty and you ignore them, it's the same thing. But if they say "what's going on? are you breaking up with me?" then you have to say something and we're dealing with a whole other scenario.

[kurtrik]

i like "passive breakup" too

[just_mono]

I used to call my personal attempts to break-up with people through inaction "fade-outs" because the word referred to not only my approach to the break-up but also reflected my dwindling interest in the involvement.

Fade-out, although it sounds like fizzle-out, tends to work well as a term for such situations because it can be easily modified to describe situations in which you decide to fade someone out and realize that they seem to be fading you out too. These situations I call the cross-fade.

[dorywithserifs]

I like these options--cross-fade is pretty brilliant. I think it needs to have "breakup" in there somehow so that others instantly get what you're talking about when you drop it into a sentence...

[kurtrik]

unless if it becomes an accepted phenomenon: "what happened to dory and me? yeah, we just, you know, cross-faded..."

[dorywithserifs]

Kurt. So sad to think about breaking up with you when we've never even dated!