SPN Fic: Monkey wrench
Monkey wrench
Ben, Dean, and Lisa, PG, 1,600 words, coda for 6.02, references to 3.02
a/n: Thank you to the lovely embroiderama for the beta read.
Ben doesn't remember all that much about the time he was kidnapped, only snaps and flashes of it. He had bad dreams for a whole year after, and then they faded but he still has them sometimes, nightmares about the wire squares of a cage, the construction smell of the basement, the sounds of whimpering.
One night about eight months after Dean moves in when them, when Mom's out of town for a business conference, he dreams of it again. The fear's pressing onto his chest so he can barely breathe, caught in sleep but also sort of aware he's asleep, which is weird. Ben halfway knows he's in his room, the night breeze soft across his face and arms from the window, but all he can see and hear is the cage and the other children crying. He doesn't know he's yelling until he opens his eyes and Dean's hands are gripping his shoulders, helping him to sit up. The stars on the ceiling of Ben's room go into focus with their quiet green-yellow glow.
"Ben. Kiddo. It's a dream." Dean hunches down a little to make Ben look him right in the face and Ben remembers, sharp and full and clear, how it felt when he saw the beam of the flashlight, heard Dean's voice in that basement. "A dream. You're okay."
"Yeah." He draws in a few deep breaths. "I'm okay."
Dean lets go of him. "Try to go back to sleep. Come get me if you're scared."
"No, I'm okay," Ben says, and Dean gives him a tiny lopsided smile, barely visible in the green-yellow star-lit darkness. It's hard to know what it means, but that's something Ben's used to with Dean.
At first Dean was a little frightening. Never mean, but too quiet and Mom kept watching Dean a certain way, little crease of worry between her eyes. Dean then didn't seem at all like the guy who let Ben out of that cage.
Sometimes he drank too much, and he would put the glass down when Ben came into the room but Ben knew the smell and always saw the liquid in the glass. He noticed a lot more than people thought, even Mom. Sometimes Dean was easy, and they all did stuff together. Baseball games. Dean would joke about letting Ben drive the truck and Mom would raise her eyebrows and let out her low, soft laugh.
They went to the lake a few months after Dean first moved in, blue sky and soft clouds and the water sparkling. Dean picked Mom up and carried her into the water, both of them laughing while Ben swam out a little to far and Dean yelled at him to come back.
That night the quiet slammed down around Dean again. He sat without the lights turned on in the big armchair and drank slowly right out the bottle. After dinner he heard Mom say something to Dean like "you're allowed to." Allowed to what, Ben didn't know, but he thought it maybe had something to do with Dean's brother Sam who died, and Dean's rare big grin while they were at the lake and then later, too much quiet.
Ben went over to him and stood watching. Mom said to leave Dean alone but Ben kept thinking about Dean breaking the lock, lifting him out of the cage.
The only time Ben has ever been afraid of Dean was that evening. He put his hand on Dean's shoulder and said "it'll be okay," and Dean was on his feet with a rough, fast movement, the bottle falling to the floor, liquid spilling onto the rug. Ben backed up fast while Dean stared at him. Then Dean was grabbing his jacket and out the door.
Dean stopped drinking so much after that.
Ben's never had a dad, which is okay with Ben because Mom's like a mom and dad all in one, she goes to all the father-son school events with him and he doesn't really see what the big deal is. It's kind of cool having Dean around though, all the stuff he teaches him, like how to fix a car engine, and they get take-out bacon cheeseburgers and go to the park and kick the soccer ball around.
But Mom's other boyfriends have come and gone, Ben's used to it. Ben thinks he'll miss Dean the most of them, though.
It isn't until the first night at Bobby Singer's, when Ben can't go to sleep in a strange bed, that he starts to think about not seeing Dean ever again. It was Dean in that basement, letting Ben out of the cage and saving all those kids -- Ben knows that was ordinary for Dean, knows what Dean used to do (what Dean does). Nobody talks about it on the long drive to Mr. Singer's but Ben knows about changelings, he can figure it out about shapeshifters. He's a good listener. Monsters are real, and Dean is out there now with his no-longer-dead brother, going after them.
Things are happening.
Ben lies on his back looking at the cracked paint on the ceiling, inhaling the musty smell of Mr. Singer's home. It's kind of comforting, almost a library scent only dustier, and the house feels old and comfortable and a little mysterious, a lot like the houses in the chapter books Mom read to him when he was younger, where there were always secrets. Ben's feeling like he might be living in one of those stories.
He hopes Dean comes back. He guesses Dean's brother will look after him, but he pulls his pillow around his ears, blocking out remembered snatches of conversations he was never supposed to hear, imagines Dean with his chest torn to shreds.
He can't fall asleep for a long time.
Ben's not stupid. He's read almost all the comics and he's seen the cartoons and he knows what happens to Robins. It's not as if he's going to go chasing after monsters, not for years and years at least. And the thing is, the Robins don't even stay dead, and okay, that's only stories, but Dean's brother Sam didn't stay dead either.
He figures he would be Tim Drake, because Ben doesn't feel at all like a Dick Grayson, and he sure as heck doesn't want to be Jason Todd because Jason was bugnuts, and Stephanie was a girl, but Tim was always sort of this regular guy, except for what happened to him in the cartoons, but Ben's not sure if that counts or not.
So he's not stupid and Ben knows this stuff is scary but Ben's gotten used to Dean being around, and what if the monsters come again, wouldn't Dean need all the extra help he could get?
He's not planning to do anything, only going to look at Dean's guns and the strange gear he keeps in the Impala's trunk (which is a big black car, which makes the garage the Batcave, right?). Odd-smelling packets and sharpened wooden stakes just like what Ben's seen on reruns of Buffy and bottles of holy water and wicked, curving blades.
When Dean yells at him for touching the weapons, Ben's not scared of him, not like that time after the lake, but he goes and shuts himself in his room afterwards because it's pretty clear: Dean doesn't want his help. Dean's shown Mom how to fire a gun, because she's an adult, and Ben isn't, and that's that. It makes no sense, because Dean's told him a few things, not much, about what it was like growing up, he knows Dean had his own shotgun when he was twelve.
It makes no sense.
He puts in the earbuds of his iPod and listens to Metallica turned up loud. It takes a little while for the knocking on his door to get through the noise.
Ben pauses the track and goes to the door without taking out the earbuds. He opens his door an inch. Dean's standing in the hall, one hand on the doorframe, the other one rubbing the back of his neck.
"Hi, can I come in?"
"Free country," Ben says, and takes a step back.
"Sorry I yelled at you."
Ben pulls the earbuds out, and waits. He's learned to do that with Dean, he's seen Mom do the same thing. Eventually, Dean will start talking.
"See, I, uh..." Dean seems to decide Ben's bookshelf needs straightening. He starts to rearrange the action figures. "It makes me feel better if you just get to be a regular kid." He stops straightening things and turns to face Ben. "Let me let you be a regular kid. I'll teach you some stuff, symbols you can use, protection, beyond just the rock salt and holy water stuff. But don't push for more, okay?"
It's confusing; Dean's offering him something, not merely saying no. As if it's an even exchange. Almost, but then again not at all like when Mom agrees to up his allowance so he can save for a new Xbox, so long as he cleans out the front hall closet and does an extra share of dishes. But sort of.
"Okay," Ben says.
As if Ben's given him something, lifted something off him, Dean's shoulders go looser and his face relaxes.
~end
Ben, Dean, and Lisa, PG, 1,600 words, coda for 6.02, references to 3.02
a/n: Thank you to the lovely embroiderama for the beta read.
Ben doesn't remember all that much about the time he was kidnapped, only snaps and flashes of it. He had bad dreams for a whole year after, and then they faded but he still has them sometimes, nightmares about the wire squares of a cage, the construction smell of the basement, the sounds of whimpering.
One night about eight months after Dean moves in when them, when Mom's out of town for a business conference, he dreams of it again. The fear's pressing onto his chest so he can barely breathe, caught in sleep but also sort of aware he's asleep, which is weird. Ben halfway knows he's in his room, the night breeze soft across his face and arms from the window, but all he can see and hear is the cage and the other children crying. He doesn't know he's yelling until he opens his eyes and Dean's hands are gripping his shoulders, helping him to sit up. The stars on the ceiling of Ben's room go into focus with their quiet green-yellow glow.
"Ben. Kiddo. It's a dream." Dean hunches down a little to make Ben look him right in the face and Ben remembers, sharp and full and clear, how it felt when he saw the beam of the flashlight, heard Dean's voice in that basement. "A dream. You're okay."
"Yeah." He draws in a few deep breaths. "I'm okay."
Dean lets go of him. "Try to go back to sleep. Come get me if you're scared."
"No, I'm okay," Ben says, and Dean gives him a tiny lopsided smile, barely visible in the green-yellow star-lit darkness. It's hard to know what it means, but that's something Ben's used to with Dean.
At first Dean was a little frightening. Never mean, but too quiet and Mom kept watching Dean a certain way, little crease of worry between her eyes. Dean then didn't seem at all like the guy who let Ben out of that cage.
Sometimes he drank too much, and he would put the glass down when Ben came into the room but Ben knew the smell and always saw the liquid in the glass. He noticed a lot more than people thought, even Mom. Sometimes Dean was easy, and they all did stuff together. Baseball games. Dean would joke about letting Ben drive the truck and Mom would raise her eyebrows and let out her low, soft laugh.
They went to the lake a few months after Dean first moved in, blue sky and soft clouds and the water sparkling. Dean picked Mom up and carried her into the water, both of them laughing while Ben swam out a little to far and Dean yelled at him to come back.
That night the quiet slammed down around Dean again. He sat without the lights turned on in the big armchair and drank slowly right out the bottle. After dinner he heard Mom say something to Dean like "you're allowed to." Allowed to what, Ben didn't know, but he thought it maybe had something to do with Dean's brother Sam who died, and Dean's rare big grin while they were at the lake and then later, too much quiet.
Ben went over to him and stood watching. Mom said to leave Dean alone but Ben kept thinking about Dean breaking the lock, lifting him out of the cage.
The only time Ben has ever been afraid of Dean was that evening. He put his hand on Dean's shoulder and said "it'll be okay," and Dean was on his feet with a rough, fast movement, the bottle falling to the floor, liquid spilling onto the rug. Ben backed up fast while Dean stared at him. Then Dean was grabbing his jacket and out the door.
Dean stopped drinking so much after that.
Ben's never had a dad, which is okay with Ben because Mom's like a mom and dad all in one, she goes to all the father-son school events with him and he doesn't really see what the big deal is. It's kind of cool having Dean around though, all the stuff he teaches him, like how to fix a car engine, and they get take-out bacon cheeseburgers and go to the park and kick the soccer ball around.
But Mom's other boyfriends have come and gone, Ben's used to it. Ben thinks he'll miss Dean the most of them, though.
It isn't until the first night at Bobby Singer's, when Ben can't go to sleep in a strange bed, that he starts to think about not seeing Dean ever again. It was Dean in that basement, letting Ben out of the cage and saving all those kids -- Ben knows that was ordinary for Dean, knows what Dean used to do (what Dean does). Nobody talks about it on the long drive to Mr. Singer's but Ben knows about changelings, he can figure it out about shapeshifters. He's a good listener. Monsters are real, and Dean is out there now with his no-longer-dead brother, going after them.
Things are happening.
Ben lies on his back looking at the cracked paint on the ceiling, inhaling the musty smell of Mr. Singer's home. It's kind of comforting, almost a library scent only dustier, and the house feels old and comfortable and a little mysterious, a lot like the houses in the chapter books Mom read to him when he was younger, where there were always secrets. Ben's feeling like he might be living in one of those stories.
He hopes Dean comes back. He guesses Dean's brother will look after him, but he pulls his pillow around his ears, blocking out remembered snatches of conversations he was never supposed to hear, imagines Dean with his chest torn to shreds.
He can't fall asleep for a long time.
Ben's not stupid. He's read almost all the comics and he's seen the cartoons and he knows what happens to Robins. It's not as if he's going to go chasing after monsters, not for years and years at least. And the thing is, the Robins don't even stay dead, and okay, that's only stories, but Dean's brother Sam didn't stay dead either.
He figures he would be Tim Drake, because Ben doesn't feel at all like a Dick Grayson, and he sure as heck doesn't want to be Jason Todd because Jason was bugnuts, and Stephanie was a girl, but Tim was always sort of this regular guy, except for what happened to him in the cartoons, but Ben's not sure if that counts or not.
So he's not stupid and Ben knows this stuff is scary but Ben's gotten used to Dean being around, and what if the monsters come again, wouldn't Dean need all the extra help he could get?
He's not planning to do anything, only going to look at Dean's guns and the strange gear he keeps in the Impala's trunk (which is a big black car, which makes the garage the Batcave, right?). Odd-smelling packets and sharpened wooden stakes just like what Ben's seen on reruns of Buffy and bottles of holy water and wicked, curving blades.
When Dean yells at him for touching the weapons, Ben's not scared of him, not like that time after the lake, but he goes and shuts himself in his room afterwards because it's pretty clear: Dean doesn't want his help. Dean's shown Mom how to fire a gun, because she's an adult, and Ben isn't, and that's that. It makes no sense, because Dean's told him a few things, not much, about what it was like growing up, he knows Dean had his own shotgun when he was twelve.
It makes no sense.
He puts in the earbuds of his iPod and listens to Metallica turned up loud. It takes a little while for the knocking on his door to get through the noise.
Ben pauses the track and goes to the door without taking out the earbuds. He opens his door an inch. Dean's standing in the hall, one hand on the doorframe, the other one rubbing the back of his neck.
"Hi, can I come in?"
"Free country," Ben says, and takes a step back.
"Sorry I yelled at you."
Ben pulls the earbuds out, and waits. He's learned to do that with Dean, he's seen Mom do the same thing. Eventually, Dean will start talking.
"See, I, uh..." Dean seems to decide Ben's bookshelf needs straightening. He starts to rearrange the action figures. "It makes me feel better if you just get to be a regular kid." He stops straightening things and turns to face Ben. "Let me let you be a regular kid. I'll teach you some stuff, symbols you can use, protection, beyond just the rock salt and holy water stuff. But don't push for more, okay?"
It's confusing; Dean's offering him something, not merely saying no. As if it's an even exchange. Almost, but then again not at all like when Mom agrees to up his allowance so he can save for a new Xbox, so long as he cleans out the front hall closet and does an extra share of dishes. But sort of.
"Okay," Ben says.
As if Ben's given him something, lifted something off him, Dean's shoulders go looser and his face relaxes.
~end