The Chase

[dotiwana]

He tripped over a rock. It was over, they were sure to catch him now. He just stayed motionless on the ground. he already gave up before they even caught him. He heard their footsteps as they came closer. But suddenly he realized how lucky he was! When he fell, he landed in thick bushes. They swiftly ran past the bushes. He had gone by unseen. He

Comments

[mistermacphisto]

:O. dough.

hahaha.. what a dumb dog.

[notwellknown]

Ha, that's funny. I was going to guess it was a kid who forgot it was Saturday and there was no school.

I don't know if you really want comments on this story, but as a reader, I have a few suggestions if you care.

[dotiwana]

thanks for your post, i would like people to post suggestions and comments so that i know what people think of it and how i can make it better. thank you : )

[notwellknown]

I liked the monkey one, he realized that throwing poo did not make him special, that's funny.

The Loufa one is good too, but some inconsistencies. If he tripped on a rock and fell into a bush, he would lie on the ground not the floor. He would crawl out of the bush, not walk.

Also, dogs can't do swirlies and wedgies. I know I didn't know it was a dog at the time, but you're kinda cheating by using the swirlies and wedgies because only humans can do that.

Just suggestions, post some more if you can, I enjoy your stories, they're odd :-)

[dotiwana]

hehe thanks! :D

[sadomas_fairy]

lol what a fun story!

I wrote a very good Faerie Story

you can read if you wish