I'm glad you're supportive of Bill's development; it can be a scary thing for someone brought up with any sort of chivalry to allow themself to shed it even at the request of one's lover. It took me some time to go as far as I have with one of my sweeties in particular, who enjoys choking and an amount and type of hitting that frankly would disturb me considerably if we hadn't gradually worked up to it. Now it's a joyous thing we share, and as you described with Bill it can really get me going... with her. I have no interest in doing that stuff to anyone else who doesn't specifically request it of me. (And by all means show this to Bill if you think it might help him feel more comfortable. He can even e-mail me if he likes
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I totally get that about pain, I'm much the same - I hate it in and of itself, but love the effects it brings, above all the peace and sense of "letting go". Chris and I have similar issues, his limits are much different than mine and I sometimes have a hard time communicating that "hurt" isn't even near the area of "harm" as long as it's consensual. So - totally get you there!
let me be clear. i don't like pain. i don't enjoy the physical sensation of it. i have never been one who has craved it for any other reason than the peace it brings. the pain quiets my head. if it hurts enough, i literally can not think about anything else. my brain is focused on how much it hurts and the rest is...quiet.
Can I quote this to my Sir? Because really, this is exactly what I'm trying to tell him, and it never seems to come out right. You have said everything I think and feel when trying to explain that I need more hurt to let go.
Thank you for sharing something so deep and personal!
i do like pain, but i also crave the quiet it brings. sometimes i just need my mind to stop, to slow down, to be QUIET. and pain is one of the only ways to get there.
i have tried numerous approaches to dealing with my enxiety. i am at the point now where i can mostly manage it without medication and i rarely taken the anti-anxiety med, but it is helpful for me to know that it is there if i need it.
one of the things that has helped the most is a relaxation technique called autogenics. you basically classically condition yourself to be able to enter a state of relaxation really quickly. it takes a few months of doing it every day to get there, but it's easy to do, takes about 5-10 minutes, and is extremely effective. if i get too far down the anxiety path it doesn't work for me real well, but it is great to bring me back from the edge before i get there and has me getting to that edge a whole lot less frequently. it might be worth looking into as a non-medication option for you :)
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I love that you are both able to express your need and Bill's initial reservations, it is the only way to go forward.
Remember those "essays" of a year or so ago? Mine on pain was my own experience.
*hugs*
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Can I quote this to my Sir? Because really, this is exactly what I'm trying to tell him, and it never seems to come out right. You have said everything I think and feel when trying to explain that I need more hurt to let go.
Thank you for sharing something so deep and personal!
Reply
i have tried numerous approaches to dealing with my enxiety. i am at the point now where i can mostly manage it without medication and i rarely taken the anti-anxiety med, but it is helpful for me to know that it is there if i need it.
one of the things that has helped the most is a relaxation technique called autogenics. you basically classically condition yourself to be able to enter a state of relaxation really quickly. it takes a few months of doing it every day to get there, but it's easy to do, takes about 5-10 minutes, and is extremely effective. if i get too far down the anxiety path it doesn't work for me real well, but it is great to bring me back from the edge before i get there and has me getting to that edge a whole lot less frequently. it might be worth looking into as a non-medication option for you :)
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