just a conspiracy of cartographers

[doublehelix]

I have this fear - if that's the right word for it, and it may not be - of wanting things. I don't like wanting something I can't afford, have, win or achieve. The moment I admit a desire I have an obligation to realize it or else

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[tinrobot]

My friend.
I cannot help but be somewhat bemused at this.
The one person I know who has taken the time and the patience and has seen the big-picture and stuck to it enough to sculpt his body into the most powerful machine he could build...

...and he worries about being dependant on instant gratification?

To desire simply is.
It is the degree of the desire that will drive you, incessantly and unerringly, to that which you truly want and need.
---
Unrelated: you need to listen to this man: http://www.ronaldjenkees.com YouTube him if necessary, but you must see and hear this. He plays the keys like an extension of his own conciousness.

[glitterus]

Only by exposing ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible be found in us.
~Pema Chodron