Can't sleep with all the fireworks booms. -.-
I have just been informed by my mother that we're having a graduation party for me. Which means cook-out/barbecue type thing, and the guests are whoever the hell of my friends want to come and be bored to tears around my extended family as they chatter away at my wallflower self. God, I hate parties.
Here's the tenuous guest list(*people to hide from):
Maternal Grandparents Mammaw*, and Papaw
Paternal Grandmother Mimi and her husband Randy
Maternal Uncle/Aunt Richard*/Amy* and my 3 and 7 year-old cousins Landon* and Taylor*
Paternal Uncles Scott and Rob
Friends (mostly seniors) and their families/significant others
Why did I have to be the first born grandchild?
Why did I have to be the heir to a name passed down through the family for generations?
Most importantly, why the hell do I HAVE to have a graduation party?
My Prophetic Vision:
Dour sits/stands in an out-of-the-way place, bored to tears, maybe eating a hot-dog. Unfortunately, this quiet haven will be constantly disturbed by well-wishers and family, and even though the sentiments are appreciated, she would rather have just gotten a letter instead of being the guest of honor at a retarded soiree. Since reading a book or playing a video game or watching TV would be ::GASP!:: incredibly rude, Dour doesn't seem to be enjoying herself, and they'll ask her, "Why aren't you happy?" Good question; unfortunately, to answer that dishonestly would make people look at her strangely, since she is fairly well known for her Foot-In-Mouth Syndrome, and to be polite would be unlike her. However, to be honest, even tactfully honest, would be just as bad because "it's YOUR graduation party, you're supposed to have fun!" And if any friends show up, she'll prob'ly try to use them as a shield between her family and herself; not out of familial embarrassment, but of the utter longing to talk to people who she considers friends. Luckily, what with some of these friends dragging their family along for the ride (since they too wish for their family to be distracted a bit), Dour's family will be preoccupied for the first few minutes upon meeting a new person.
Unfortunately, a few of those friends will have brought along their sig figs, too, and what with all the gooey sentiment floating around in the viscous atmosphere known as post-graduation, each couple will be contantly mooning over each other, and in some cases ::coughjohnandjasminecough:: will completely offend the older, more conservative people present by making out at any opportunity and quite likely sneaking away for a few minutes to engage in activities of a sexual nature in a private place. The looks on Dour's family's faces will be the only humor in this situation, because she will feel lonely when her involved friends need lovey-time, and the single friends are probably talking about something she doen't know about, which means, of course, that to enter a conversation like this would seem like intruding to Dour's mind, but she'll take what she can get.
Because, you see, she'll spend all evening trying to avoid conversations longer than a minute with her uncle Richard because he's a total bastard and misconstrues/misquotes everything she says to Mammaw who'll give her a 2-hour lecture on manners and tact afterwards because Mammaw says that she'll "always support her son first because he was born before you".
After this aside, Dour will become very frustrated with her family, and that makes her look hostile, so people who came to the party will always remember 'that angry, homicidal person'. So, after a few minutes of trying to figure out what the hell she said that pissed off her uncle, she'll politely 'go to the bathroom'. In reality, she is exiting the building (or entering it) to hide and wish that she could stand smoking because she really needs stress-relief of some sort. She will sit down on some low, flat surface like a flowerbed border-wall or nearby chair, lean back, close her eyes, and hope like hell no one finds her for the rest of the party.
And when the entire shindig's over, she'll be pissed off because she'll be pressed into clean-up duties at what they said was HER party, and after all's said and done, she will go home and wish for a peaceful descent into oblivion.
She'll then wake up to a lecture first thing the next morning from her grandmother for being habitually anti-social and for not showing a smiling face for the entire party.
Specific Graduation Party Actions:
Mom(DeAnn), age 43, female, mother -
will glare at me, and grit her teeth and/or yank me aside to quietly try to intimidate me into a happier mood. -_-
Dad(Chris), age 43, male, father -
won't particularly care unless Mom starts bitching to him about something, which means he'll bitch at me.
Haley, age 14, female, sister -
will be much more social than yours truly.
Self(Shelby), age 17, female, me -
will mope and hide and become depressed; will also be yelled at, lectured to, and edged away from.
Mammaw(Anne), age 63, female, grandmother - will coo and cuddle me, and attempt to make me smile and say that people will think there's something wrong with me if I don't get rid of my hostile expression.
Papaw(Dion), age 63, male, grandfather - will be supportive, give me a couple hugs, occassionally make a meaningful comment/short conversation, but will generally leave me to my own devices (thank Batman).
Mimi(Jean), age 58, female, grandmother - will say her patented, "oooaww!" and hug me, ask how I'm doing, maybe some other quick small talk, and then leave me alone. (I love her so much for understanding me best, even though Mammaw thinks she's closer to me emotionally ::snorts::)
Randy, age 62(?), male, step-grandfather - will be cheerful, say congrats, then leave me be and prob'ly look lost unless talking to Mimi, Scott, or Rob.
Richard, age 37, male, uncle -
will be his normal, misunderstanding self, try to engage me in deep conversations that I will try my DAMNDEST to not get involved in, and get me in trouble with Mammaw; not on purpose, of course, but he's an oblivious bastard.
Amy, age 37(?), female, aunt -
will try to keep her kids away from me on account of a misconstrued conversation where Richard thought I said I hated his kids; will also be ditzy, say y'all a lot, and be cheerful-yet-edgy around me.
Taylor, age 7, female, cousin -
will be a normal kid and become slightly irritating and irritated as the hours pass, and generally be a complete child-version of Amy.
Landon, age 3, male, cousin -
will be a normal tot and irritate me immensely with constant toddler actions.
Scott, age 33, male, uncle -
will talk in that slightly condescending way he always uses with everyone, give a swift congrats and go off to discuss sports with somebody (AKA Randy).
Rob, age 40, male, uncle -
will give a sincere, heartfelt congrats, and make sure I know he's proud (despite having only met me a grand total of 4 times), and then go off to wherever former drunken-uncles go to during non-alcoholic parties.
Frustrated beyond belief,
DM
P.S. Just so you know, my paternal grandfather died from lung cancer when I was six, and my grandmother just got remarried last year.