splintered
splintered
yoochun/changmin
very light R
a/n. very, very weird and i'm not sure it actually comes together right. dedicated to yuchun, because he is oh-so-very special and deserves all the ski he can get. ♥
i watch the morning dawn upon your skin
a splinter in the light
Yoochun yawns, the movement catching Changmin's eye. In the early hours of morning, Yoochun is hollowed out and carved, masks shifting across his face one by one. Changmin knows them all, and the one Yoochun's wearing when he gazes up is on the verge of shattering. Yoochun smiles, razor-sharp edges of porcelain. "Do I have something on my face?" Yoochun asks softly; Junsu's fallen asleep between them, mouth parted slightly against Yoochun's shoulder. Changmin shakes his head, smiling, and looks away.
it caught and frayed the very heart of us
it's been hiding there inside for all this time
They're allowed a brief reprieve in between rehearsal and performance, three hours to themselves. During the ride home, Junsu and Jaejoong babble happily with Yunho in the front of the van, while Yoochun naps in the back with Changmin. Changmin watches Yoochun silently, feeling protective. Yoochun's got dark circles beneath his eyes, half-hidden by the makeup that's smudged with dry sweat. Changmin licks his lips and leans over to brush a fingertip along the blemishes. Yoochun stirs, cracking open his eyes blearily. "There's nothing on my face, is there." The way he says it, it isn't a question. Yoochun's eyes are sharp despite the sleepiness. "Changminah," he says.
Changmin licks his lips again, moving back. "Don't," he says. "Your makeup is messed up. I was fixing it."
Yoochun frowns, but doesn't say anything more. Changmin looks up when Yoochun closes his eyes to find Jaejoong watching him. He probably caught the entire exchange, and Changmin's more than grateful when Jaejoong chooses discretion, too. He just hates how Jaejoong's eyes say something different.
how a sure thing winds up just like this
clockwork silence only knows
Jaejoong never actually gets a chance to corner Changmin like Changmin knows he wants to. Yoochun does it for Jaejoong, backing Changmin up against the counter with lips and hands, like he's searching for the answers Changmin won't give. Changmin gives what he can, gives what he can't refuse, trembling as Yoochun melts him completely with too much heat, too much of something Changmin's fooling himself into thinking he can have. Yoochun brands him like one of them's dying, and Changmin's not sure which of them it is. Or maybe it's both of them dying together, poetic and beautiful.
When the rushing roar in his ears fades, there is still Yoochun, and then there is not. Changmin tries to keep fooling himself, but Yoochun's masks, they've broken into pieces at his feet.
sweeping eggshells still at 3 A.M.
we're trying far too hard
Yoochun comes to Changmin a week later. Changmin's bedside clock reads too late or too early, one; but by then Yoochun is pulling Changmin into delirium and it's not important anymore. Before, it was just Yoochun's lips and his hand in Changmin's pants. Now, Yoochun fucks Changmin with passion, fingers leaving imprints on his hips while Yoochun sucks the life from him. Changmin gives and gives and gives until Yoochun takes too much and Changmin's drowning, lost between somewhere and nowhere.
the tattered thought balloons above our heads
sinking in the weight of all we need to say
why's and what if's have since long played out
left us short on happy endings
Changmin could say it, but he's still picking the shards from his skin and Yoochun's already gone.
and it's no one's fault
It's a hazy routine. Yoochun comes and goes like wind, shuddering and cutting Changmin a little more each time. He's hollowing out with each trace of Yoochun's fingers down his ribs. Yoochun's not filling out any, though, so maybe Changmin's not what he needs. Changmin wonders sometimes, if Yoochun can see it in his eyes, the pleas he's not afraid to say aloud (he's just not sure they belong here), wonders if Yoochun can feel the way he clings and trembles with every brush of Yoochun's lips across his skin.
Changmin's not sure what's worse, Yoochun's inability to give or the way Jaejoong looks at Yoochun like he's someone they don't know anymore.
there's no black and white
When Yunho finally clues in, he traps Changmin in between a wall and the clothes rack, hidden behind fashion statements that get lost in the making. Yunho doesn't say anything for the longest time, just watching Changmin with a mixture of pity, concern and anger that's chaotic in Changmin's mind. Changmin can't meet Yunho's eyes (but he does anyway). "Do you really think it's worth it?" Yunho finally asks softly, calmly.
"Yes," Changmin says. "He needs me." It's not lying if Changmin believes it.
only you and me
on this endless night
Every time, Yoochun's never once cried. But Changmin knows Yoochun does after he leaves - the red-rimmed beauty of Yoochun's eyes in the mornings tells bedtime stories.
But this time, this time Yoochun can't get away fast enough. His tears roll down his cheeks and down Changmin's collarbone. They sting like acid, hot and cutting Changmin to the bone. Changmin doesn't let go. (He's going to waste away, no skeleton, no closet. Unless-
"Don't cry, hyung.")
and as the hours run away
with another life
oh, darling can't you see
it's now or never
it's now or never
"I love you."
you know that there's so much more
Here, there's no breathing - only feeling, anticipating, dreading. Changmin's not scared, he's just fooling himself again.
Yoochun's shuddering slows to a stop and Yoochun looks up, red-rimmed and beautiful. The masks shatter with no pain. "Say it again," Yoochun says, always taking. But Changmin does, because he can't say no even if he wants to.
it's now or never
"Was it worth it?" Yunho asks.
"Yes," Changmin replies without hesitation. "He needed me." And it's still not lying. Or maybe it never was.
yoochun/changmin
very light R
a/n. very, very weird and i'm not sure it actually comes together right. dedicated to yuchun, because he is oh-so-very special and deserves all the ski he can get. ♥
i watch the morning dawn upon your skin
a splinter in the light
Yoochun yawns, the movement catching Changmin's eye. In the early hours of morning, Yoochun is hollowed out and carved, masks shifting across his face one by one. Changmin knows them all, and the one Yoochun's wearing when he gazes up is on the verge of shattering. Yoochun smiles, razor-sharp edges of porcelain. "Do I have something on my face?" Yoochun asks softly; Junsu's fallen asleep between them, mouth parted slightly against Yoochun's shoulder. Changmin shakes his head, smiling, and looks away.
it caught and frayed the very heart of us
it's been hiding there inside for all this time
They're allowed a brief reprieve in between rehearsal and performance, three hours to themselves. During the ride home, Junsu and Jaejoong babble happily with Yunho in the front of the van, while Yoochun naps in the back with Changmin. Changmin watches Yoochun silently, feeling protective. Yoochun's got dark circles beneath his eyes, half-hidden by the makeup that's smudged with dry sweat. Changmin licks his lips and leans over to brush a fingertip along the blemishes. Yoochun stirs, cracking open his eyes blearily. "There's nothing on my face, is there." The way he says it, it isn't a question. Yoochun's eyes are sharp despite the sleepiness. "Changminah," he says.
Changmin licks his lips again, moving back. "Don't," he says. "Your makeup is messed up. I was fixing it."
Yoochun frowns, but doesn't say anything more. Changmin looks up when Yoochun closes his eyes to find Jaejoong watching him. He probably caught the entire exchange, and Changmin's more than grateful when Jaejoong chooses discretion, too. He just hates how Jaejoong's eyes say something different.
how a sure thing winds up just like this
clockwork silence only knows
Jaejoong never actually gets a chance to corner Changmin like Changmin knows he wants to. Yoochun does it for Jaejoong, backing Changmin up against the counter with lips and hands, like he's searching for the answers Changmin won't give. Changmin gives what he can, gives what he can't refuse, trembling as Yoochun melts him completely with too much heat, too much of something Changmin's fooling himself into thinking he can have. Yoochun brands him like one of them's dying, and Changmin's not sure which of them it is. Or maybe it's both of them dying together, poetic and beautiful.
When the rushing roar in his ears fades, there is still Yoochun, and then there is not. Changmin tries to keep fooling himself, but Yoochun's masks, they've broken into pieces at his feet.
sweeping eggshells still at 3 A.M.
we're trying far too hard
Yoochun comes to Changmin a week later. Changmin's bedside clock reads too late or too early, one; but by then Yoochun is pulling Changmin into delirium and it's not important anymore. Before, it was just Yoochun's lips and his hand in Changmin's pants. Now, Yoochun fucks Changmin with passion, fingers leaving imprints on his hips while Yoochun sucks the life from him. Changmin gives and gives and gives until Yoochun takes too much and Changmin's drowning, lost between somewhere and nowhere.
the tattered thought balloons above our heads
sinking in the weight of all we need to say
why's and what if's have since long played out
left us short on happy endings
Changmin could say it, but he's still picking the shards from his skin and Yoochun's already gone.
and it's no one's fault
It's a hazy routine. Yoochun comes and goes like wind, shuddering and cutting Changmin a little more each time. He's hollowing out with each trace of Yoochun's fingers down his ribs. Yoochun's not filling out any, though, so maybe Changmin's not what he needs. Changmin wonders sometimes, if Yoochun can see it in his eyes, the pleas he's not afraid to say aloud (he's just not sure they belong here), wonders if Yoochun can feel the way he clings and trembles with every brush of Yoochun's lips across his skin.
Changmin's not sure what's worse, Yoochun's inability to give or the way Jaejoong looks at Yoochun like he's someone they don't know anymore.
there's no black and white
When Yunho finally clues in, he traps Changmin in between a wall and the clothes rack, hidden behind fashion statements that get lost in the making. Yunho doesn't say anything for the longest time, just watching Changmin with a mixture of pity, concern and anger that's chaotic in Changmin's mind. Changmin can't meet Yunho's eyes (but he does anyway). "Do you really think it's worth it?" Yunho finally asks softly, calmly.
"Yes," Changmin says. "He needs me." It's not lying if Changmin believes it.
only you and me
on this endless night
Every time, Yoochun's never once cried. But Changmin knows Yoochun does after he leaves - the red-rimmed beauty of Yoochun's eyes in the mornings tells bedtime stories.
But this time, this time Yoochun can't get away fast enough. His tears roll down his cheeks and down Changmin's collarbone. They sting like acid, hot and cutting Changmin to the bone. Changmin doesn't let go. (He's going to waste away, no skeleton, no closet. Unless-
"Don't cry, hyung.")
and as the hours run away
with another life
oh, darling can't you see
it's now or never
it's now or never
"I love you."
you know that there's so much more
Here, there's no breathing - only feeling, anticipating, dreading. Changmin's not scared, he's just fooling himself again.
Yoochun's shuddering slows to a stop and Yoochun looks up, red-rimmed and beautiful. The masks shatter with no pain. "Say it again," Yoochun says, always taking. But Changmin does, because he can't say no even if he wants to.
it's now or never
"Was it worth it?" Yunho asks.
"Yes," Changmin replies without hesitation. "He needed me." And it's still not lying. Or maybe it never was.