plague, inc. (the just you, just me remix) [2/2]

[lovescone]

Unfortunately, things go downhill even quicker once Sunggyu's settled. It's almost as if being away for so long in these circumstances has done something irrevocable to him, and Howon can't help but forgive Sunggyu's worse than usual testiness because Howon's been there, he's seen it, even if he didn't get the worst of it like Sunggyu apparently did. Dongwoo had mentioned to Howon the state Sunggyu had been in when he showed up, and it had made Howon sick to think that Sunggyu had had to kill out there, even if in self-defense.

Howon knows he can't put off telling Sunggyu about Dongwoo for very long, despite the temper the older's been in since they woke up this morning. While Howon's not as sure anymore how Sunggyu's first reaction will go, he knows eventually rationality will win out and they'll be fine again. It's not as if they'd ever declared themselves 'official', anyway.

Howon finds Sunggyu in the kitchen, rummaging through the cabinets. "Hungry, hyung?" He doesn't wait for Sunggyu's answer, pulling out a knife and some of the fruit they still have left. He doesn't think Woohyun will mind if he steals the last of it for Sunggyu. The knife's not as sharp as it should be, Howon comes to find, dulled down to uselessness and forgotten in the wake of chaos.

"Here." Sunggyu takes the knife, a sharpener in his hand. His brows pinch slightly in concentration as he works, capturing Howon's attention completely for a while.

"Hyung, I need to tell you something," Howon finally makes himself say, softly, dropping his gaze to watch Sunggyu's hands.

"Okay," Sunggyu answers off-handedly, focused on his work.

Howon, feeling impulsive, moves close and tucks his chin over Sunggyu's shoulder, his hands straying beneath the fabric of Sunggyu's shirt to skim across warm skin. Not sure how to begin, Howon lets a silence settle between them that's only broken by the rough scraping sound. "Did you want me to guess or something, Howon," he finally says, his tone annoyed.

Frowning, Howon pulls back and leans sideways against the counter, watching Sunggyu for a moment. "Look," he says, on a deep sigh, figuring he might as well get it over with, "I just need to let you know that... uh, Dongwoo hyung and I slept together. While you were gone. I know we never really gave whatever this is a name, but. I at least thought you should know, is all."

Sunggyu stops sharpening the knife, staring hard at the counter. The complete silence this time is highly unnerving, in due part because Sunggyu's got such a tight grip on the knife handle that his knuckles are going white. Alarm bells go off in Howon's mind and he jerks upright, fully intending on getting the fuck out of the kitchen, but too late-quicker than Howon's ever seen him move, Sunggyu's got Howon pressed against the counter, their hips flush together in a sickening mockery of foreplay.

Howon's blood seems to freeze in his veins at the touch of the cold metal against his throat, his heart racing in his chest almost painfully. He hears footsteps, can barely make out, peripherally, as Dongwoo stops dead in his tracks in the threshold of the kitchen, but Howon can't take his eyes away from Sunggyu's cold gaze. There's nothing in them to suggest this is even the person he's come to care so much about.

"I never thought you'd want to make me gut you. You wouldn't be the first, but you'd be my best work of art, Howon-ah," Sunggyu says, his voice low and silky, like a lover's caress gone wrong. It's Sunggyu who breaks their locked gazes, his attention suddenly shifted to Dongwoo.

An undercurrent of rage simmers beneath the desperate fear, but Howon can't make himself move, can't even bring himself to swallow at the thought of the knife slicing red. He glances at Dongwoo carefully, fists trembling by his sides at the hopeless, terrified despair he sees on the older's face.

"How was he, Dongwoo? Did he call out your name? Or mine?" Abruptly, the knife is gone, clattering to the floor, and the brief flare of relief Howon feels is replaced with pain as Sunggyu clenches a hand in his hair and shoves him bodily into the refrigerator.

Howon manages to bite down his grunt of pain as his shoulder connects with the handle, gasping out, "He's infected," and feeling so fucking stupid and angry because he could he have missed it, and now Sunggyu's going after Dongwoo and he can't do anything because the pain is a hot lance that's as freezing as the fear was.

Dongwoo's still as Sunggyu caresses him, and Howon's stomach heaves as Sunggyu's hand clutches tight around Dongwoo's throat. It's Dongwoo, the Sunggyu they knew before would never have-

"I could snap your neck and throw your lifeless body off the balcony. Don't you want to paint the town red before it goes completely to hell?"

"I'm-" Dongwoo's reply is little more than a wheeze, and Howon starts to straighten, to do something, though he's not even fucking sure what, when Sunggyu continues and takes his hand away from Dongwoo's throat. Howon can see in Dongwoo's eyes a revulsion that he feels just as keenly, but deep inside it's tinged with a sadness he doesn't know how he'll deal with.

Sunggyu just laughs at Dongwoo's finished apology, laughs in a hard, unfeeling way that has Howon's stomach knotting tightly. "You're not entertaining enough. I don't do pity kills."

Howon watches him leave, trembling, a part of him not wanting to accept this, that they've lost him just when they've found him. He doesn't go to his own bedroom, though, turning for Howon's and Dongwoo's shared bedroom-Howon's fine with this, let him go somewhere there's no one for him to choke or hold at knifepoint.

"Now you'll have to fuck in public," is Sunggyu's parting shot, its aim true.

Howon stares at the shut door until his eyes burn, slumping against the refrigerator as the shaking in his legs becomes too much. "What the fuck," he says, furious now that the fear has settled, "This is what the disease does? Everyone's a fucking psychopath?"

Dongwoo says nothing, in motion before Howon can even begin to gauge his nonverbal reply. Howon frowns, puzzled, and pushes off the refrigerator to follow him. "Hyung. What the hell are-" Dongwoo's trying to push a chair in front of the bedroom door. "Oh. Yeah. Barricading him in. That's smart."

It won't be enough, though, not near enough. Howon's gaze finds the bookshelf, a much better choice, and he tugs Dongwoo to it. Between the two of them they get it settled in place. Dongwoo is still determined to put the chair in front of the bookshelf, however, and Howon lets him despite the uselessness of it. It's the last dredges of fear manifesting themselves, and Howon can understand that.

"I'll go get the others," Dongwoo says quietly, after a long moment of staring at the chair, lost in some world of thought Howon can't follow.

Howon watches him go, fingers skimming over the skin of his throat where the ghost of steel is still present. He should do something about the knife, it's still in there, on the floor. Too sharp for anything but killing.

Calmly, Howon picks up the knife and wraps the edge in a hand towel. He catches Woohyun entering the kitchen and meets his concerned gaze. "We should hide this, I think," Howon says, handing the wrapped knife to Woohyun. He absently notes that he's slipping back into an authoritative state, his voice harder than it should have been.

Woohyun takes the knife, nodding, probably understanding just as painfully as Howon why he can't be the one to hide it. "I'll make tea after."

Howon exhales slowly, wiping his palms along the sides of his pants as he leans against the counter. He spares Sungjong an attempt at a reassuring glance as the younger walks in, his body lined with tension. Howon wonders if it hasn't been just this one incident and seethes at himself for being so blind.

"Don't even, hyung," Sungjong says, elbowing Howon gently as he levels Howon with a hard stare. "I saw Dongwoo hyung's throat."

Woohyun returns and busies himself with tea-making, so Howon doesn't bother to reply. Woohyun's followed shortly by Sungyeol, and then a little later by Myungsoo and Dongwoo. Together they all settle in a haphazard circle around Woohyun, hushed for a moment as they gather their thoughts.

"You said Sunggyu hyung was bloody when he showed up," Howon addresses Dongwoo softly. He doesn't want to look at the red ring on Dongwoo's pale skin, but he makes himself do it anyway. "But that it probably wasn't his blood."

Woohyun starts passing around cups of tea. "I think he killed them," is Dongwoo's answer to the unspoken question. What they've all been wondering. Dongwoo's hands are trembling as he sets his cup down on the counter, still full.

Howon lets the conversation go on without him, his eyes on Dongwoo as he leaves without another word. Woohyun is close on the side Sungjong's left unclaimed. "You better go after him," Howon murmurs, "He needs you right now."

"Me, huh," Woohyun replies, and Howon's taken off-guard for a second by the tone. It's not... vehement, but it's laced with something that's a little like quiet triumph.

It hurts in a way that Howon can't ignore it for the hideous self-pity party his heart is having in his chest. "Well, Sunggyu hyung didn't just try to choke him to death because you fucked him, now did he," he says savagely.

The others notice the separate conversation happening, the heat behind Howon's words and maybe even the words themselves, and the quiet communication lulls. Howon sighs, defeated. "Just go, hyung."

Woohyun doesn't go immediately. "That wasn't Sunggyu hyung, Howonah," he says finally, after the lull stretches on for what seems like an eternity. His voice has an apologetic lilt to it that Howon's not sure he wants. "He'd understand."

He does go after Dongwoo, then, leaving Howon alone with three curious stares to deal with. "It's not important," Howon says with a wave of his hand as Myungsoo opens his mouth to speak. "What's important is that Sunggyu hyung is dangerous right now. Hence why he's barricaded in my room."

Sungyeol rocks back on his heels, restless. "So, he did that... to Dongwoo hyung? Choked him?"

Howon purses his lips tightly, nodding. Myungsoo bites his lip and looks away. Sungjong reaches out and laces his fingers through Howon's.

"What did he do to you," Myungsoo ventures hesitantly, both hands cradling his cup of tea. The action makes him look child-like, softening Howon some.

"It doesn't matter," he replies, voice low with a gentle, but firm, finality. It doesn't. Not with what Sunggyu had done to Dongwoo, who'd deserved none of it. Howon knows he should tell them everything, that now most of all isn't the time to be keeping secrets or telling half-truths, but it's still too raw. It'll all come out, eventually.

"Hyung can sleep with me tonight," Sungjong offers with a quick squeeze of fingers.

Howon nods, glancing out the window. It's not late enough for sleep, but he supposes they could if they wanted. It's not as if they've got schedule tomorrow or anything. "No one sleeps by themselves tonight, just in case." He pauses. "Actually, no one sleeps alone ever. We need to look out for each other, whether from hyung or from someone else."

"Okay," Sungyeol says, nodding, and runs fingers through Myungsoo's hair. "We can do that."

Howon sighs, letting go of Sungjong's hand. "Good. I'm going to go hit the rest of the apartments for supplies. If any of you touches that bookshelf, you're in for a world of hurt and probably not by me. So keep it where it is."

He knocks back his lukewarm tea with a grimace and sets the cup aside before he leaves, unable to bring himself to waste something they may not have for very much longer. He makes his way down the stairs to the last batch of apartments, letting the steady increase of his heartbeat calm the rest of his still frazzled nerves. When he enters the first apartment, he just stands in the middle of the main room, staring at the mess but not exactly seeing it.

He licks his lips, wincing as his tongue swipes over the cut there. Remembering makes Howon shudder, nausea a quick and terrible thing clawing its way up his throat. He just barely makes it to the kitchen before he loses the tea he just drank and what little he'd eaten today. He blames the tears on the acrid taste of bile in his mouth and nose, bracing himself against the ceramic counter surrounding the sink to keep himself standing on his now-weak legs. He breathes shakily, gagging at the stench wafting up from the sink and fumbles with the tap, heaving a sigh of relief when it turns on and washes away the mess.

Howon stares at the mess as it swirls and drains away, making it, in his mind, a catharsis of sorts. He's cleansed himself of what he needed to and now he can be what Sunggyu needed him to be when the older had left with the hyungdeul-what Sunggyu still needs him to be whether he consciously knows it or not.

After he cleans himself up and swishes water around to rid himself of the taste, Howon straightens and gazes around the room again, steadies himself, and gets to work.

The next morning Howon wakes up and is startled at the out-of-place feeling, when he realizes where he's at and who he's got curled up behind him. Howon yawns and shakes his head clear of lingering fuzziness before he carefully gets out of the bed, leaving Sungjong slumbering peacefully.

Howon's set on having a shower, but Woohyun's beat him to it, so he decides to get an early start on the laundry while he's waiting. He gathers the dirty piles from everyone's rooms but his own and sorts them, the busy work good for keeping his mind off matters he'd really like to ignore for the time being. It's not very leader-like of him, but he can't bring himself to give a fuck.

Howon finishes sorting and allows his shoulders to slump for a moment before he gathers bravado close and heads to his room to get some clothes for his shower. Woohyun should be nearly done, by now.

He's not exactly surprised to find Dongwoo and Sungyeol have already moved the bookshelf, but it annoys him, a prickle of worry skittering along his spine before he catches the conversation and how Sunggyu appears to not remember anything. Huh.

"What am I supposed to remember," Sunggyu asks, the confusion in his voice genuine.

Howon's annoyance fades away and he steps into the room. "You almost tried killing me. You threatened Dongwoo-hyung. You put yourself in our room." He tugs out a shirt without really looking at it and hopes it's not Dongwoo's. He doesn't even spare Sungyeol a glance as he says to the other, "Sungyeol, you might want to leave for a minute."

Sungyeol goes without a word of protest, something Howon makes a mental note to thank him for later, and also to apologize for being so curt. Sungyeol's been one of the steadiest throughout all of this, and Howon's repaying him in a really shitty way. He holds back a sigh and sits down on Dongwoo's bed, fixating Sunggyu with a look that's not quite a glare, but could be.

Sunggyu moves in and Howon helps him eat. He's not particularly fond of letting Sunggyu use the chopsticks for anything at all, but he's aware of the possibility that any sort of anger or irritation could lead to another episode and that's something he wants even less than an 'armed' Sunggyu. And he knows full well how Sunggyu hates being coddled, even if it's for his own good.

Some things never change. But if even this halfway coddling has Sunggyu irritated, he takes it in stride, only showing it when he finally goes to speak and it comes out near biting. It's just that, however, nothing that leads Howon to believe he needs to fight or flight.

Howon doesn't glance up when Dongwoo speaks or moves closer, keeping his gaze on Sunggyu. He tells himself it's because he still doesn't trust Sunggyu, but there's a part of him that just doesn't want to see the marks on Dongwoo's throat, more than likely mottled bruises by now.

"What? You don't trust me," Sunggyu asks, prompting an immediate and simultaneous "No," from both Howon and Dongwoo. His annoyance fades a little, and even Howon can't help the wry curve his own lips take. "That bad?" He gives Howon a meaningful glance and Howon relents the chopsticks and his spot for Dongwoo to take over.

Howon says nothing and continues gathering his things, purposely slow, so that he can keep an eye on things and take the dishes out when Dongwoo and Sunggyu are done. He'd taken one of Dongwoo's shirts, after all-he exchanges it for one of his own, this time.

Tossing his things on the bed, Howon takes the dishes from Dongwoo's hands and heads to the kitchen. Woohyun's in there, helping himself to food. There's something off about him, like there's tension there but not.

"Sleep okay?" Howon runs some hot water, adds soap to it and then the dishes, after he's rinsed them of leftover food.

"Sure," Woohyun says, shrugging a shoulder, not looking at Howon.

Howon snorts, flicking water droplets that Woohyun tries and fails at batting away. "You're a keeper, for sure," he says wryly, laughing when Woohyun chucks a chopstick at him.

"You're not funny, ever. Shut up," Woohyun mutters, leaning back over his food. Whatever was there before isn't now and Woohyun's obviously hiding a smile, so Howon figures he must have done something right.

When Howon goes back to the room, there's a smile on Dongwoo's face that's a perfect copy of the one he sometimes saw in fantaken pictures, marked with dates where they were all walking, talking zombies. "You okay?" He reaches out instinctively, a hand on Dongwoo's shoulder before he even realizes he's moved.

Dongwoo laughs that breezy laugh he uses when he's avoiding something, so Howon lets it go, but reluctantly, nods and accepts his judgment of Sunggyu's state of mind.

Dongwoo closes the door behind him, leaving Howon alone with Sunggyu. Who's looking at him with a blazing curiosity, fingers curled into the blankets on either side of him. "Well?"

"'Well' what?"

Sunggyu sighs, tilting his head back briefly. "You don't want to know what I'm thinking?" He lifts his head again, cocks it to the side as he purses his lips in minor annoyance. It's something that used to look cute to Howon, and now... he doesn't know.

"I can't be sure if it's really you thinking it," Howon says, wishing he hadn't left his bundle of clothes so close to Sunggyu.

Sunggyu sighs gustily, with much disgust. "Would it help if I told you things only I could possibly know? Would that make any fucking difference at all?"

"That thing is inside your head," Howon says quietly, "Maybe it wasn't you trying to kill me yesterday, but that's all I could see, hyung. Just you."

Sunggyu seems to deflate right in front of Howon, his hands coming together to rest in his lap. Like with Myungsoo yesterday, it makes him look smaller, younger than he is. It's like a hot lance right through the heart.

Howon moves forward swiftly and leans over Sunggyu, reaches for his clothes-his eyes fall shut as Sunggyu's hand closes gently over his arm. "Howonah," Sunggyu murmurs, the pain in his voice so clear it makes Howon shake.

Makes Howon open his eyes and look at Sunggyu when he knows he shouldn't, makes him pliant when Sunggyu leans in and kisses him, everything about the action apologetic and sad. "I'm not angry. You have nothing to be sorry for, okay?" Sunggyu presses another chaste kiss to the cut on Howon's lower lip. "That's what I'm thinking. Just me."

"Okay," Howon says softly, tucking his clothes under an arm. "Okay, hyung." He leaves, because he doesn't have anything else to say, all his words tripping up on his tongue and weighing it down.

'Just Sunggyu' doesn't stay for long-within a matter of days it becomes clear that the worm doesn't rely on manifesting itself through violence. Sunggyu begins to speak of the worm in a positive light, as though being one with the worm is something better, something stronger, and is the only possible evolution of mankind that will leave their inferiority behind them.

In lieu of violent behavior, they don't lock Sunggyu in the room, but Howon's careful to keep an eye on him, nevertheless. The marks on Dongwoo's throat are fading but Howon can still see them clearly, like a lingering image on his retinas.

More often than not, Howon finds Sunggyu reclining against the wall, having shoved Howon's bed close to it, a lazily regal air about him. Myungsoo is usually there and that frightens Howon more than anything, because there's a hopeful glint in Myungsoo's eyes and as the days go by, it begins to turn into something more like admiration. The radio remains, but sometimes the sound doesn't.

It wouldn't matter anyway-the radio stations have all be taken over by sycophants, adding their crackling voices to Sunggyu's day and night, until Howon wonders if this is what going mad feels like.

Sunggyu had only tried to ask the entire group once if they wanted to be 'Enlightened'. Dongwoo had left, the tremble in his hands perhaps not obvious to everyone else, but clear as day to Howon. Howon had leveled Sunggyu with a glare and said, simply, "Over my dead body."

Sunggyu had only laughed, soft and derisive.

As if life wants nothing more than to add to the stress of the entire situation, their food supplies are starting to run low again, despite Woohyun's rationing. Howon knows it'll have to be him to make a run, and that he'll have to make a day of it-he's already picked cleaned the entire complex.

"You have to, Howonah," Woohyun says fiercely, when Howon protests. "We can handle things here, alright?" He glares, but it softens somewhat as he adds, wryly, "If you haven't noticed, my moping days are well behind me now."

Chastised, Howon slumps, feeling more acutely the lack of proper sleep in this moment than he has in days. "What if-" What if Sunggyu gets to Myungsoo, what if he gets to Sungjong, what if he gets to Woohyun, what if Howon comes back and he's the only one left.

Woohyun makes a funny strangled noise in the back of his throat and slaps his hands against Howon's cheeks, cupping them afterward. "Go. I swear on every fucking thing I can swear on if you don't go get a fucking backpack on and leave, I will toss you out myself and you can do without the backpack." He leans in, fingernails scraping along Howon's skin, and brings their foreheads together. "Howonah. Keep it together. Please don't give up now," he adds in a barely there whisper.

It's Woohyun's way of saying he can handle a day, but he can't handle longer. He's telling Howon to stop freaking out and act like the leader Sunggyu can't, and he's right. Howon shakes off the self-pity that tries to worm its way into the forefront of his mind and nods, not trusting himself to speak.

"Okay," Woohyun says on a sigh, patting Howon's cheeks briefly before he turns and starts rifling through the cabinets. "Bring me your backpack and I'll put some things together for you."

The run ends up taking less time than Howon had originally thought it would, but he still doesn't get back to the dorm until the sun's beginning to set. He'd went the opposite way this time and had made a decent haul at one of the houses he'd stopped in. It had been a gruesome sight, however, the family had had no time to run once they figured out one of them was infected. Howon had gazed at the mess of bodies numbly and had wondered if maybe they'd been the lucky ones.

He'd shoved away emotion the best he could and took what they'd had stored.

When Howon enters the house the first thing he notices is how loudly the radio's going, and with Myungsoo in front of it he fully believes the volume is all the way up. The crackling voices seem to sink underneath his skin like an itch he can't scratch and in an instant he's so angry he can hardly breathe, his mind bringing up unbidden the images of that family in their own ruin.

Through the haze of anger he also realizes that Woohyun and Dongwoo are nowhere to be seen, and given that they should have been there to welcome him back with sharp relief in their eyes and aren't? Well, that settles the anger to a dull burn as worry slides into place. First things first, he decides to do something about the fucking radio, and after sliding his backpack into the kitchen, stalks over to it and flicks the power button.

Myungsoo makes a noise that's almost inhuman and grips his arm so tightly that it shocks Howon into doing absolutely nothing but gazing, mouth open, until he lets the anger take over. "Let me go, Myungsooyah," Howon says in a low voice, calm but with no little amount of firmness behind it. He can see in Myungsoo's eyes that he's not talking to Myungsoo any longer. There's a maniacal glint there that won't go away until he's cured.

"Turn it back on," Myungsoo says flatly, his grip strengthening.

Howon punches him. Feels revulsion churning about in his stomach even as he does, that he had to resort to that, to hitting Myungsoo, who's not Myungsoo but is wearing his face and speaking with his voice.

Myungsoo's head snaps back from the force of it and he stumbles, letting go of Howon's arm. He spits and wipes the back of his hand across his mouth. It comes away smeared pink. "Guess you've still got balls after all, hyung," he says, laughing. "But you really do need to turn that back on, right now."

Howon picks up the radio and opens the back. "Batteries are dead," he says through gritted teeth, flinging them one by one somewhere behind him, where they clatter to the floor. "I'll get new ones later." Myungsoo jerks like he's going to come forward again and Howon raises the radio. "Next time, I won't use my fist."

Myungsoo stares him down for a long moment, considering, and then just smiles and walks away. When Howon hears the bedroom door shut, he allows himself to suck in a shuddering gulp of air, trying to resist the urge to smash the radio in his hands to pieces. He remembers Woohyun's words, though, desperately clinging to them like an anchor.

"Woohyun hyung?" Howon calls as he makes his way down the hall. "Dongwoo hyu-"

"In here, Howon," Dongwoo calls from the bathroom, a hand peeking out to wave.

Howon leans against the door frame and takes in the scene before him with a sigh. "We have respite, for now," he says, wiggling the silent radio before setting on the sink. "What happened?" He almost doesn't want an answer, because he thinks he might know already. Woohyun sitting on the toilet seat as Dongwoo applies rubbing alcohol to dozens of blood scratches along Woohyun's scalp, while Myungsoo has apparently gone off the deep wormy end. Yeah, Howon's pretty sure he's got it.

He lets Dongwoo answer him anyway, eyes sliding shut as weariness threatens to overtake him completely. "Jesus, Howon. Go to bed," Dongwoo says roughly, mid-sentence.

"Are you hungry," Woohyun asks, shaking his hair back into place as Dongwoo starts cleaning up the mess. "I never finished dinner, but I can, if you need it."

Howon shakes his head, ignoring the hunger pangs inside that say otherwise. "Divvy up my portion, hyung. I'm too tired to think about eating."

"You should try anyway," Dongwoo says, frowning. "I can hear your stomach, don't think I can't."

"It's whatever," Howon says flippantly, waving off their protests. "Look, I just really want to sleep, guys. It wasn't pretty out there before and it hasn't gotten any prettier." Woohyun looks at him with empathy in his eyes, all his protest gone now. "Keep an eye on Myungsoo, though, yeah? I had to punch him because he was manhandling me and I don't know if that's gonna have any kind of violent effect later."

Dongwoo still looks unconvinced, so Howon forces a tired smile, grabbing Dongwoo's hand and squeezing. "I'm not going to lie and say I'm fine, but I'm as close as I'm going to get, alright?"

"Okay," Dongwoo says relcutantly after a pause, squeezing back. He looks so tired, they both do. They all are. "Okay, go get some sleep, Howonah."

Howon lets go of Dongwoo's hand and picks up the radio. "I'll take this with me, see if I can prolong the peace." He trudges out and back to Sungjong's room to find Sungjong already asleep, curled up on one side with just enough space for Howon to take.

Howon doesn't fall asleep easily, for all that exhaustion in a heavy weight pressing in on all sides. His anger's gone to sadness now, as he keeps replaying the way Myungsoo's head jerked when Howon punched him. He can't even bring himself to hate what's been done to him, to Sunggyu. Not now. He wonders if Myungsoo's found some kind of peace in taking Sunggyu's offer, if maybe he's better off this way. He'd been so worried before, the stress breaking him to pieces so much more quickly than it had everyone else.

Howon shuts his eyes tightly and curls up against Sungjong's back, pressing his forehead against the warmth there as if Sungjong's presence might fend back thoughts of giving in just like Myungsoo did.

Howon wakes up the next day feeling as if he'd been crushed by a steamroller, rolling onto his back to stare at the ceiling for a while as he lets his thoughts gather in his head. Things he needs to do today, things he wants to do and can't. He shuffles them all accordingly and gets up to face the day. He finds some batteries in one of Sungjong's drawers, flips the volume down to nearly nothing before he turns the radio on and listens for a bit. After having had all he can stand of the preaching, he starts station-surfing, praying for one that hasn't been taken over.

Maybe today is his lucky day, Howon doesn't know, but he finds one. It's not perfect, there's still a hint of curiosity in the way they talk, but it's more informative than anything else he's found and he listens avidly, noting everything mentally to explain to the others later. Decreased violence, increased superiority complexes and new names for the two factions-Enlightened and Lowly Minded.

Howon snorts, thinks maybe he should take 'Enlightenment' just to give them some better names, at any rate. When they start talking about heightened sexuality, however, Howon pauses, contemplating. Sunggyu's been keeping his distance since they last talked, no advances whatsoever, and the only person he'd been in prolonged contact with...

Howon breathes out slowly, turning off the radio. It makes a sick sort of sense, he supposes. Since he's 'Lowly Minded' and Myungsoo isn't. Oddly, Howon doesn't feel any sort of jealousy or negativity with the realization, just a dull relief that he doesn't have to deal with conflicted feelings regarding he and Sunggyu on top of everything else. He can push it all aside for now and focus on getting everyone through this, getting Sunggyu and Myungsoo cured. And then, maybe, he and Sunggyu can fix things between them.

Nodding to himself, Howon puts the radio away and makes his way to the kitchen. He's met with Woohyun and Dongwoo arguing in angry, hushed tones, about food.

"Good morning to you guys, too," Howon says in greeting, his tone dry, and raises an inquiring eyebrow.

"I'm not cooking for them anymore," Woohyun says, his entire body rigid with finality, as if daring Howon to argue.

Dongwoo sighs, pressing the heel of his hand to his forehead briefly. "Woohyun-"

"No," Woohyun says in a furious whisper as he slashes air with his hand, "If they want to eat, they can cook for themselves. I'm not helping them."

Dongwoo doesn't say anything more, he just leaves. Howon watches him go, chewing on his bottom lip to stop himself from going after him, and turns back to Woohyun, who's still staring at him defiantly.

"You're going to cook for them, hyu-" He stops and holds up a hand when Woohyun bristles, almost wishing for the moping again. He fixes his hyung with a glare that contains every ounce of frustration and helplessness he feels lately. It shuts Woohyun up, though he still looks resentful about it. "Hyung. The less time they spend out here with us, the better. Do you understand that?"

Woohyun glances towards the bedroom door, shut off the the world of inferiority, and sighs, all the rebelliousness gone. "Dammit, you're right," he says, a hint of sulkiness in his tone. He smiles though, a ghost of his old self. "Do you think they'd notice if I spit in their portions?"

"Gross, hyung," Howon says, laughing despite his words. "Let's not be that uncivilized yet."

Later in the day, Howon's thanking his lucky stars, or whatever that phrase is, that it's been mostly uneventful. When Howon'd brought Sunggyu and Myungsoo their lunch earlier, Sunggyu had given Howon a smile that was edged with mischief, like he'd been planning something that would soon come to fruition-that had put Howon on edge for most of the day, but nothing had happened.

Sighing, Howon runs a towel through his damp hair and then shakes it into some semblance of order before exiting the bathroom, fully intending on as close a good night's sleep as he can get.

For some reason, however, Howon finds himself wandering into the dark of the living room, aimless in that he's not sure what he even came in here for. He stands just outside the main part of it, looking at the furniture and remembering a time when they all used to pile up and watch movies, laughing and joking. It seems so long ago.

Howon sits on the couch and fiddles with the idea of watching a movie, but he's so tired and the movies are so far away.

Howon registers that he's dreaming just barely, fuzzily, but it's so warm and filled with pleasure he's not felt in a while that he's loathe to try and shake himself out of it. He tries to focus on breathing but it's hard because there's slick heat around his cock and it feels so good. "Sunggyu hyung," he murmurs absently, fingers tugging at hair until a hissing sound is heard, annoyed and familiar. "C'mere."

"I missed you, Howonah," Sunggyu says before his lips slide against Howon's, the kiss obscene in a way that makes Howon arch into the hard warmth of Sunggyu's body eagerly, with no mind for the games they sometimes play. "Miss you so much." Sunggyu breaks and reclaims the kiss between every word, finding Howon's hand and shoving it inside his pajama pants.

Howon wraps his fingers around Sunggyu's cock almost greedily, wrenching a moan from the older immediately. He knows Sunggyu as well as he knows himself. He-

Reality comes crashing down around Howon with startling clarity, a sudden freezing of his blood where there was once the boiling heat of desire. "You asshole," Howon breathes.

Sunggyu starts to laugh but it's cut off by a pained gasp as Howon's fingers tighten mercilessly.

"If you want to keep this in pristine condition, you're going to slowly get off of me," Howon says, low and deadly, "And you're not going to make any sudden, stupid moves."

Sunggyu looks down at him with anger flashing in his eyes, but he does exactly that, the entire process painstakingly slow and awkward due to Howon's unkind grip on Sunggyu's dick. There's a bubble of hysterical laughter in his throat at the insanity of this, but Howon forces it back down.

Once Sunggyu's mostly on the floor, Howon lets go and shoves him away with his foot, scrambling to his feet to tuck himself back into his pants. From his position on the floor, Sunggyu lets his legs spread, but the sight does nothing for Howon now.

"You should join us, Howon," Sunggyu says, in that low, silky way he's used before, but Sunggyu's never been smooth, always rough around the edges, biting. "You'd love it, I promise. It's so much better than this useless existence we've been trudging through all our lives."

"Fuck you," Howon says, biting where Sunggyu isn't, "I'm never going to join you. I'm going to fix you, if it's the last thing I do."

Howon leaves Sunggyu there, sprawled on the floor with his head tilted back as he laughs that quiet, smug mockery that belongs only to the worm.

Howon still listens to the radio every morning, but he's yet to take it back to the living room for everyone. It seems better this way, with Myungsoo having all but forgotten about it. He's too busy helping Sunggyu in his attempts to recruit all of them, though as far as Howon can tell, no one else has been accosted quite like he has. One thing to be a little thankful about, maybe.

Howon's told no one the particulars, just that yes, he's been approached too and no, he's still good ol' Howon. Dongwoo looks suspicious but he keeps his mind to himself, for which Howon's immensely appreciative. He'll probably end up taking this one secret to the grave.

This morning has him more excited than he's been in a long while. He has to rein it in all day, unwilling to chance Sunggyu or Myungsoo becoming wary because of the information in his head. He does risk letting Dongwoo and Woohyun know he'll be joining them tonight, via hugs that aren't completely just for show. If he lingers just a little in Dongwoo's arms, Dongwoo doesn't comment on it.

Howon slips into Woohyun's room after the house has gone dark and quiet, but though they've both had his blessing from the beginning, he can't help but feel awkward, like a third wheel.

"Howon," Woohyun says, a faint note of exasperation in his voice, "Get over here, already."

"Right," Howon mumbles, trying to slip in on the outside, but Dongwoo keeps shoving him towards the middle. Woohyun laughs quietly, tugging at Howon's sleeve, and Howon reluctantly slides in between them. "So."

"So...?" Woohyun prods, both with voice and a poke.

Howon can't see, but can almost hear eyebrows raising, and smiles for a second. "I was listening to the radio this morning and they said one of the cult buildings was raided." There's an intake of breath, maybe Dongwoo's. "They've turned it into some kind of cure center, where they can continue working on it."

"Oh," Dongwoo breathes, "Where is it?"

That's the rough part, the part he's worried about the most. "They didn't say, exactly. They're trying to keep it off the radio due to a bunch of the Enlightened trying to sabotage the work. But there's only one place it could be, right? They need labs and all that shit."

"The university," Woohyun murmurs, the bed creaking as he shifts and then there's fingers running through Howon's hair. Woohyun's voice is closer when he continues, "Are you going to go, Howonah?"

"I have to. I can say we need another food run. It's not a complete lie, right? We'll always need more, even if it's early to be thinking about it."

"How will we get them there, though," Dongwoo asks, his voice holding trepidation, and rightly so. There's only one way they can do this, and all three of them well know it. "You're not thinking... Howon?"

"Hyung," Howon says softly, sadly. He doesn't want to ask Dongwoo to do this, but he's the one who's been their target lately and the least likely to arouse suspicion. "Can you do it?"

Dongwoo's silent for such a long time that Howon wonders if he fell asleep. Woohyun reaches over Howon to, presumably, take hold of Dongwoo's hand. Howon can't shift without losing the calming feel of Woohyun's fingers in his hair, so he simply presses his body close to Dongwoo's to offer comfort that way.

"Yeah," Dongwoo finally whispers, "I'll do it. It's the only way."

"Just play a part, Dongwoo," Woohyun says, his breath warm on Howon's shoulder as he leans over him to continue holding Dongwoo's hand. "If you can do this, after the world goes back to normal maybe you can be in a drama."

They all share quiet, anxious laughter at that and it's enough of a subject closer that they all curl in and try to get what sleep they can for the long day tomorrow.

Howon wakes up to Woohyun pushing at his shoulder, a finger pressed to his lips as he nods his head at Dongwoo, still sleeping. Howon stifles a yawn and nods back, carefully disentangling himself from Dongwoo's koala-like embrace. "I've got your backpack sorted out, but Sunggyu's in the kitchen asking why you're going."

Howon can't stop the yawn this time, waving a hand absently. "I can handle hyung, don't worry," he reassures after he has control of his mouth again. He takes a good look at Woohyun, then, at how the older's eyes have dark circles, how his face is lined more than it was.

"Go back to sleep." Woohyun opens his mouth, frowning, but Howon shuts him up by clamping a hand over his lips. "Go back to sleep," Howon repeats firmly. "If only for a few hours."

Woohyun tears Howon's hand away gently, sighing, and nods. "Sometimes I hate you for being a better leader than I ever could," he says, with just the barest of bitterness lacing his voice to give truth to the words.

Howon smiles tiredly. "Sometimes I hate you for not being a better leader than me, too."

Despite their ugly truths, Woohyun runs a hand through Howon's hair, another one of those sadly normal things he used to do. "Good luck, Howonah."

Howon doesn't stay to watch him slip back in bed with Dongwoo, but heads to his room to grab some clothes for the trek. The smell of stale sex hits him and he wrinkles his nose at it, trying and mostly failing to ignore Myungsoo's naked form half under the blankets of his bed. The site doesn't make any sort of negative feelings arise in him, however, at least not regarding to whatever fucked up relationship Myungsoo has with Sunggyu right now.

Clothes in hand, Howon goes to the kitchen to get his conversation with Sunggyu over with. "Woohyun hyung said you were in here," he says airily as he grabs his backpack. "Looking for something in particular?"

Sunggyu looks Howon up and down with a quirk of his lips. "So you're slumming it with Woohyun too, now? Damn."

Howon laughs, a short and thing with no amusement whatsoever. "Sure, you call it whatever you want to, hyung. Anything else? I want to go while there's still daylight left," he says, derision dripping from every word.

Sunggyu pushes himself away from the counter, glancing up at the cabinets. "I just noticed we still have plenty of food left, yet you're making another run." He moves in close, just enough that Howon can feel his heat. It still makes him want and he squashes the feeling down ruthlessly.

"Yeah, and I have to go even further out now. So, unless you want to be on even worse rations then you are now, you should shut the fuck up and go back to your sex-capades with Myungsoo."

There's a fierce triumph in Howon that his words didn't come out jealous or hurt at all, and that Sunggyu is clearly surprised by this fact. The expression doesn't stick around long, but just the flash of it is enough for Howon.

"Huh," is all Sunggyu offers in return, a smirk on his features as he leaves.

Howon doesn't even mind, knowing he won this round. "Do some laundry, while you're at it," he calls after the worm-infested jerk. "It smells like stale ass in there."

The bedroom door closes without a reply and Howon, shrugging a shoulder, makes his way to the bathroom to get dressed and do something with his hair. It's a damn mess, but haircuts are honestly the least of his worries.

Howon grabs one of their many face masks this time around, slipping it on and for a second, feeling as though maybe this is just another trip to the airport, and everything's fine. It doesn't last, Howon heaving a small sigh as he exits the complex and begins the long walk to the university.

The walk ends up being good for Howon in a way he didn't consider. The quiet of it, leaving him free to sort through everything he's been feeling and come to terms-it's like a catharsis. If he ignores the smell of decaying bodies, anyway.

Instead of worsening, the stench lessens the closer Howon gets the university, speaking plainly to him that whoever took over must have cleaned the place up. Howon moves more cautiously as he closes the distance between him and the university's hospital, when he's able to make out a small group of people standing guard in front of the doors.

Eventually, they mark his approach and he can see the sudden tension in their bodies as they try to make of him a friend or foe. He hopes he looks more toward the friendly side of things.

"You armed," one of the men calls out warily, stepping forward.

Howon shakes his head, pulling his backpack off slow and dropping it to the ground. "You can search it if you want, but all you'll find is food."

The man nods, holding out his hand. Howon slides it over, the urge to shove his hands in his pockets strong, but for fear of leading them to believe he's got something in them he refrains.

"He's good!" The man waves Howon over, but keeps his distance. "We have to test you for infection, and after that you can explain what you're doing here."

Howon nods, letting the man lead the way. The test isn't a simple one, not yet, the nurse he's brought to explains. He asks her to try and lay it out as best she can anyway, and regrets it half-way through. He's definitely not going to try to explain this to the others when he gets back-they'll just have to take his word for it.

"Ah, okay," he says awkwardly after she's done. She laughs and he manages a rueful smile. "But you say you're working on a faster way?"

"We're hopeful, Howon-ssi," she replies, patting his shoulder sympathetically. "Are you ready?"

Howon nods affirmation, though not entirely in the way she takes it. He's more ready to get it over with and speak to someone about the cure.

"Howon-ssi, is it?"

The man Howon's been taken to, after the test showed him uninfected, gives off an air of brisk efficiency, soothing some of Howon's frayed nerves. The man looks up and immediately a laugh escapes him. "Or would you prefer I call you Hoya-ssi?"

Howon blinks, unable to articulate words. It's been a while since he's heard that name.

The man laughs again, waving at the seat in front of his desk. Howon takes it as the man offers explanation. "My daughter's a big fan of you guys, though she's more partial to Sungyeol-ssi."

"Ah," Howon says, rubbing the back of his neck as he laughs airily. "Maybe after this is all said and done, we can meet her, to show our thanks?"

The man sobers, perhaps hearing the weight behind Howon's words. "One of you is infected?"

"Two of us," Howon replies quietly, hands in his lap. "We wanted to be sure this was where we could get the cure, before we put our plan into action."

"The cure isn't quite finished yet," the man says, sliding some papers out of the way. "My name is Lee Kyunggook, by the way. Let's hear about your plan and I'll tell you as much as I can about the cure."

The talk Howon has with Kyunggook lasts well into the evening, but Howon leaves for home feeling like all the weight he's been carrying the past month-or however long it's been, he doesn't even know or care any longer-has lessened dramatically. As an apology for keeping Howon so long that he didn't have the time to scour houses, the center sent him off with some of their supplies, explaining to Howon when he tried protesting that they had more than enough, due to search parties whose only job was exactly that-search parties who also had cars. Howon was offered a ride, as well, but he wanted to look the part of the weary traveler and declined.

"Ah, you're back," Woohyun says happily when Howon sets the backpack down in front of him.

Howon opens the fridge and takes out a bottle of water, draining half of it before he pulls it away from his lips. He'd had plenty of water, of course, but it wasn't fresh and cold like this. He turns back to Woohyun, who's digging everything out of his backpack eagerly. "I'm going to go shower," he says, raising his brows when Woohyun looks up at him. "You talked to Sungyeol or Sungjong today?"

"Yeah," Woohyun answers, a slight pinching of his features letting Howon know how well that went. "They're stressed, you know."

Howon hums noncommittally and chugs the rest of the water. "Right, well. I'll talk to them later. Have fun with all that, hyung." He waves a hand arbitrarily over the backpack, shooting Woohyun a grin before he takes off to Sungjong's-and, he supposes, his now-room.

Sungjong ambushes him as soon as he enters the room. "Hyung," he hisses, his eyes bright with anger and worry, "Are you out of your mind, all of you?"

Howon closes the door, holding up a finger as he glares. "I know exactly what I'm doing," he replies quietly once the door's shut and he's closer to Sungjong and Sungyeol. "Do the both of you not trust me or the hyungdeul?"

Sungjong's intractability isn't swayed. "What if something goes wrong, hyung. What if they 'Enlighten' Dongwoo hyung anyway, plan or no plan?"

"He's got a point, Howon," Sungyeol says softly, his worry not as unrestrained than Sungjong's, but no less for it. "Sunggyu hyung and Myungsoo are just too unpredictable now."

Howon pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing. "Look, this is happening whether you like it or not. It's the only chance we've got, and we need to take it." He's done being nice, done begging, done in every way there is to be done. "I'm not going to try and convince you anymore, because it's done. If the hyungdeul want to, whatever, they can. You've got no choice in the matter, though, so accept it. And don't fuck it up, if you're going to be mad about it. That is a surefire way to get Dongwoo hyung in trouble."

Sungjong mashes his lips together in a thin line, but wisely doesn't keep on. Sungyeol just shakes his head and makes his way out the door.

Fuck it, thinks Howon, and gathers his things for a nice, hot shower.

For the next few days, as far as Howon can tell, Dongwoo's deception is working. Sungjong and Sungyeol continue to voice their opposition, but they're at least careful enough to keep it to a dull roar and Howon is grateful for that, at any rate.

He sneaks out whenever Dongwoo has them occupied to call the number Kyunggook gave him when he left, to check on the cure's progress. When Howon went to the university, they'd already begun testing animals infected with the worm and the success rate was highly disproportional to the fail. However, when Howon calls two days later, the woman answering the phone sounds ecstatic, almost breathless with it.

"I know you won't understand this, but bear with me. We've come to find that the reason the cure hasn't been working is due to a protein marker that's left behind when the worm dies in the host's system. At first the marker was just assumed to be nothing more than there, essentially, but we know better now. We've figured out how to neutralize the marker in a way that it's not fatal-and even better, the marker being left behind ensures the host cannot be infected ever again. There's been a 92% success rate. With this marker we've been able to produce a vaccine as well, so that anyone not previously infected can avoid it."

Howon indeed doesn't understand most of what she's said, but the words 'cure', 'vaccine', and '92% success rate' have hot tears running down his cheeks nonetheless.

After Howon discreetly shares the news, Sungjong and Sungyeol both are so happy about the cure they can't find it in themselves to say anything against the plan. Howon allows himself a moment of optimism, of hope that they may yet make it through this.

As if things are falling into place perfectly, Sunggyu pushes Dongwoo the next day to get everyone together for the trip, saying that it's past time for talking. While Sunggyu and Myungsoo are busy with 'preparing' Dongwoo for 'Enlightenment', Howon slips out one last time to arrange for the center to be ready for them.

The van looks the same. Oddly, Howon's not prepared for it, and certainly not for the surge of emotion that hits him when he sees it. He glances at Dongwoo, whose worry is written all over his face, but it's apparent Sunggyu isn't even paying attention to the subtle body language they all tend to show, not anymore. He's beyond caring about things like that.

Woohyun moves to sit in the front-had Howon been closer, he would have stopped him, but Sunggyu's there with a sharp remark, and there's nothing Howon can do but shrug helplessly at Woohyun as their eyes meet when Woohyun goes to the back as bidden.

The drive is short but it feels longer, by eons even, than it should. It isn't a direct route to the university, all a part of the careful and meticulous plan that can't go wrong. Howon wishes now that he'd thought to ask if they'd found an easier way to test the rest of them for infection, but if there's a cure and a vaccine, it must not really matter. It's just one of the little details running around his head from nervousness.

By the time they arrive, Howon's nerves have him shaking, but he does his best to hide it and it appears to work. That, or the worms in Sunggyu's and Myungsoo's heads really are that fucking stupid. Howon likes to think it's the latter, viciously so. Superior race, his ass.

Howon can see the moment Dongwoo starts panicking, wants desperately to run to him and shake him and tell him it's okay, but he doesn't dare move save for walking forward. Sungjong's got one hand in a tight grip, while Sungyeol has the other, so Howon probably couldn't run ahead even if he tried. He squeezes both hands to let them know it's fine when he notices Dongwoo's panic seems to be catching.

When Dongwoo mouths "I'm sorry," Howon shakes his head furiously, lips a tight line. He's just about to throw caution to the wind and go because there's a realization in Myungsoo's eyes that terrifies Howon for a brief moment, but Myungsoo ignores Dongwoo completely and runs for Sunggyu, who's just been injected with a drug.

After that, it's all downhill easy. Kyunggook comes out to say hello and it's almost amusing in an ironic way, that they're talking with him about meeting his daughter one day while Sunggyu's still struggling weakly against two nurses.

"They get stronger the longer they're infected, you know," Kyunggook says, following their line of sight. He pats Howon's shoulder, not unlike something the manager hyungdeul would have done. "I'll let you all get settled and we'll vaccinate you shortly."

As he walks away, Sungyeol breathes out, slow and calm. "You know, if his daughter's not too young, I may just kiss her."

Howon volunteers last to get his shot, lingering outside the quarantine doors until they call him into the triage area. Though the protein marker effectively works as the vaccine does for uninfected, they keep the newly cured patients locked tight for a while, just in case. Howon thinks that's a good idea, on the safe side instead of the sorry one.

He wants to stay here rather than go back, but surprisingly, Sungyeol and Sungjong both want to, as well. He doesn't see why not and he probably knows the reason they want to. Too long cooped up in that dorm, even a makeshift hospital is a welcome respite.

"Are you okay with going back to make the dorm ready," Howon asks Woohyun when the older comes to see him. He pauses, his lips tilting up briefly. "Dongwoo hyung should go too, if he wants."

Woohyun snorts, offering Howon a drink of his water. "You're still playing cupid?" Woohyun glances toward the triage doors, where Howon knows Dongwoo's outside, waiting. "I don't think he'll mind going. We can come pick you guys up when they give hyung and Myungsoo the all-clear."

Howon gives Woohyun back his drink. "Sounds good."

Woohyun watches him searchingly for a bit, his mouth twisted like he wants to say something but isn't quite sure how.

"Just say it," Howon says, nudging him with an elbow. "Can't be worse than everything we've said up until now, right?"

Woohyun doesn't say anything, in the end, but the hug he gives is enough. More than, really. He stays to watch as Howon's vaccinated, but Howon can't take the hovering while he's getting his things together and shoos Woohyun off to go find Dongwoo like he wants to.

He leaves the triage and immediately notices the two of them down the hall, but they're oblivious to his presence, so he just watches. Maybe he should be feeling some sort of painful jealousy at the sight of them like they are, so new yet so comfortable with each other, but he doesn't. It's something good that's come out of all of this strife, who could be unhappy in any way about that?

He does, however, resist the urge to roll his eyes and make some dumb comment as Woohyun takes Dongwoo's hand and kisses the top of it.

"Aw, that's so cute," Sungjong says softly from behind him, tucking his chin over Howon's shoulder.

Howon hums in agreement, his lips pulled into a smile that, for the first time in what seems like ages, isn't tired or wan. He refrains from comment for a bit, choosing instead to enjoy the way Dongwoo laughs as he and Woohyun leave the building. "I hope they take advantage of the empty dorm and make like bunnies."

Sungjong makes a noise, pushing at Howon's back. "That's gross, hyung. You just completely ruined the moment. I hate you."

Howon chuckles, slinging an arm around Sungjong's shoulders to lead him to their temporary rooms. "No, you don't."

Sungjong sighs, a long-suffering thing. "No, I really don't."

"Sources say within a matter of six months to a year, vaccine to the neurological worm will be issued to all those infected. Those in charge of efforts say to alert authorities through the newly created website or one of-"

"What the fu-will you turn that shit off? I'm asleep, here."

Howon jerks upright so abruptly he nearly slides from the chair he's got pushed next to Sunggyu's bed. "Ah, sorry about that, hyung," he murmurs, voice still thick with sleep, as he reaches for the radio resting on top of Sunggyu's legs and switches it off.

Sunggyu sits up slowly, rubbing at his eyes as he yawns. He glances down at the purple radio, leveling it with a glare that could curdle milk. "Why hasn't that thing been smashed to pieces yet?"

"Because it's purple and it's mine," Howon answers immediately, reflexively. A warm feeling washes over him as Sunggyu snorts in obvious disgust, a familiar sound, a welcome one.

"How long was I out?"

Howon's not really sure what the answer to that is, the days having blended together until it's mostly a big mess. "Uh, maybe a couple of days, if that."

"Hmm," Sunggyu says, frowning at the sunlight coming through the window as if it's done him personal harm. He turns the frown on Howon, but it's softer. "How long have you been here?"

"A couple of days, if that," Howon repeats quietly.

Sunggyu's silent. It's a heavy silence though, full of too much remembering. Howon, remembering Kyunggook saying the previous hosts recalled everything they did as if someone had control of their bodies and they couldn't stop it.

Howon had spent the entire time Sunggyu slept thinking and thinking and thinking until it seemed like every synapse in his brain was sore from firing off so much. Talking to other victims had helped, not only him but Sungjong and Sungyeol as well. It had been their idea, in actuality, Sungjong finally dragging Howon out of Sunggyu's room with no small amount of exasperation.

Howon finally can't stand the quiet any longer, and he's got something to say, besides. "I missed you," he starts, quiet and thoughtful, and to his credit Sunggyu doesn't try to interrupt. "Even when you-it, I guess-did all those things, I missed you."

He stops, the image of Woohyun and Dongwoo coming back to his mind so suddenly and so clear that it almost hurts, this time around, but in such a wonderful way.

"And?" If there was any doubt in Howon's mind that this might not be Sunggyu, it's gone now, with the easy way Sunggyu read him.

"And, maybe we can't be the way we were before," Howon says, slowly, glancing up to find Sunggyu piercing him with the most intense stare, but with everything Howon's missed in them. "But maybe I don't exactly want to go back to that."

"I understand," Sunggyu says, his fingers curling and uncurling into the blanket, restless. "I didn't expect you to want to keep up our... whatever-it-was," he says with a wry quirk of his lips. "I may not have fucked it up, but the worm did. It's okay, Howonah. We can go back to being just us, just friends. Bandmates."

Howon blinks at Sunggyu for a second before he laughs, shaking his head. "Hyung, you're-you dumbass, I'm saying I think I'm in love with you."

"Oh," Sunggyu says, the epitome of eloquence. "Even after-?"

"I'm not saying it's going to be easy," Howon says quickly, the amusement faded into awkwardness. "I'm still... it's still going to take some time. But having you gone for so long, only to come back and be taken away again? It made me realize, is all."

"I think," Sunggyu says after a moment, "I'd like to work on it. On us, I mean. Being better. I know I never outright said it, but I did-I do care for you." He brings his knees up, hugging them. "I'm not going to say I'm in love with you, because I don't know if I am, or if I even should after what happened. But the trying, it sounds nice."

Howon never expected anything less than that, and nods his acceptance. "We can try." He reaches out and curls his fingers around Sunggyu's until Sunggyu accepts the touch. It feels good-not perfect, not by any means, but it's a good start.

"Before, when I said it was just me," Sunggyu says softly, squeezing Howon's hand. "It really was. It was just me, then."

"Yeah, hyung," Howon says, a smile on his face as he meets Sunggyu's eyes, all warmth and nothing like before. "Just you."