A Beginners Guide to Dealing With Me
....because Wes would totally laugh at the idea that this information is all it takes to deal with me.
1. How can I tell if you're angry?
I get quiet (SHOCKING) and when I do talk, my sentences are very short and to the point. No joking, no wisecracks, nothing fun-if anything, I get sarcastic and wry. If I’m angry at YOU, I’ll specifically avoid talking to you and avoid being around you.
2. How should I behave around you if you're angry?
Listen to what I have to say, don’t interrupt me, and don’t crack jokes or blow it off as unimportant. If I’m in the wrong, discuss it and let me down gently-I’m stubborn as hell, and if I start to dig my heels in, it’s hard for me to admit I’m wrong. Yeah, that’s MY problem, but avoiding it sure as hell helps the situation. If you’re wrong, admit it. Apologize (to me or whoever deserves an apology). Act like an adult. And then, when it’s over (and I mean OVER, not just when you’re done with dealing with it)-laugh. Crack jokes, be normal. The point of anger and disagreement is to come to a consensus and to solve a problem. Once it’s solved, get back on the wagon.
3. How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
I’m with Emily: treat me gently. If it’s irrational, stay out of the way-don’t try explain it away or try to change my mind. Let my irrational emotion run its course (again, with me being stubborn). If it’s rational or deep or important to me, still be gentle. Hugs, quiet, listening to what’s on my mind. Little things to cheer me up-watching TV or a movie quietly, something tasty to eat, etc. You can still support me if you’re far away: fic, drabbles, cute animals (puppies!), just leaving a comment/text/tweet to show me that you’re there.
4. Are there things we should not discuss?
Uh. Doubtful? I’m usually the over-sharer anyway. :D I really, honestly can’t think of anything that I wouldn’t want to talk about. And I’m not shy; if there’s something I just can’t handle at a given moment, I’ll tell you. And if that happens, don’t be hurt-it’s definitely not you, it’s me. :)
5. How should I treat you when you are ill?
Well, I act like a whiny brat, so apparently Emily is right: like a tiny baby, lol. I get horribly useless when I’m sick, so fic and hugs and love is welcome. No responsibilities, no requests ("I’m too weak to [fill in the blank]!"). Lotsa sleep. Just show that you have a modicum of sympathy and I’ll be happy.
6. What makes you happy that's in my power to grant you?
RAINBOWS AND FAERIES AND MAGIC. Or, y’know. Fic, pictures of cute animals, interesting discussions. I love it when people I know mostly from fandom or easy things ("Wheeee, television!" "Hooray, I love the Red Sox!") roll up their sleeves and talk about something important. It’s learning about who they are and what matters to them, and I love engaging like that. Wes is rolling his eyes at that, somewhere, but it’s true. Just... Really think, really feel, and let me share it with you a little. It’s an honor.
7. How would you like us to recognise your birthday?
Tequila. My birthday is Cinco de Mayo, people. I’m not kidding- tequila, Mexican food, and more tequila. My birthday was a Wednesday this year and I still managed to get my buzz on. But I’m easy- tasty food, a couple tequila shots, maybe a movie, and that’s good. Alternatively, if you want to haul my ass out on the town and shake a little booty, I’m down with that, too. And if you’re far away? Just acknowledge it- an LJ comment, a tweet, a Facebook note. It makes me smile.
8. Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
Fic, drabbles, icons, pictures of cute things..... All of it, LOVE. If it’s intended especially for me, ALL THE BETTER. I have a permanent LJ account (an interesting choice when I had money to burn in 2006), so I’m good there. If you’re looking to spend cold, hard, cash, then gift certificates are awesome-Starbucks, Amazon, etc. And right now, I’m getting married, so you can always check out our registries. XD
9. Are there times of the year that are difficult for you?
Well, I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (undiagnosed, since I just kept getting diagnosed with depression in mid-February, whoops), so the cold, dark months are the hardest for me. I love the fall, and I love December (holidays! Parties! Cheeriness!), but January through March can be really, really rough. May is my busiest month of the year (my birthday the first week, then an 80 hour week at work in mid-May, then an annual trip to Maine for Memorial Day).
10. Are there important anniversaries in your life?
Wes and my anniversary is September 16. This year we’re getting married (woo!) and it’s our tenth anniversary. My birthday is May 5, Wes’ birthday is February 4, the bombings in London was July 7 (and is also, interestingly enough, the day Wes proposed to me in 2009). Just dates that stick out a little in my head.
11. How do I cater for you if you are visiting me?
A bed-like thing (couch’ll do), a blanket-like thing, and some kind of breakfast. No coffee, but if you have tea (with sugar and milk if it’s black!), you’ll make my morning. I also need about seven hours of sleep to function, so keeping that in mind is sweet, too. :)
12. If I want to contact you, how should I do it?
Depends-if it’s URGENTOMG, I have an iPhone and it’s basically always on, so calling me works. If you’re just looking to get in touch, email is best (again, iPhone), texting/Twitter usually get a quick response, Gchat is always open with email, and LJ is another good way (if notifications are working). I’m always down for casual conversation on GChat; people can come and go and it’s fine. Perfect for just catching up. :) I’m weird about the phone-I talk to my mother almost every day (we’re close), but we just yammer about whatever (recently: wedding crap, big surprise). If you want to talk, I can talk, but I’m not super chatty.
1. How can I tell if you're angry?
I get quiet (SHOCKING) and when I do talk, my sentences are very short and to the point. No joking, no wisecracks, nothing fun-if anything, I get sarcastic and wry. If I’m angry at YOU, I’ll specifically avoid talking to you and avoid being around you.
2. How should I behave around you if you're angry?
Listen to what I have to say, don’t interrupt me, and don’t crack jokes or blow it off as unimportant. If I’m in the wrong, discuss it and let me down gently-I’m stubborn as hell, and if I start to dig my heels in, it’s hard for me to admit I’m wrong. Yeah, that’s MY problem, but avoiding it sure as hell helps the situation. If you’re wrong, admit it. Apologize (to me or whoever deserves an apology). Act like an adult. And then, when it’s over (and I mean OVER, not just when you’re done with dealing with it)-laugh. Crack jokes, be normal. The point of anger and disagreement is to come to a consensus and to solve a problem. Once it’s solved, get back on the wagon.
3. How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
I’m with Emily: treat me gently. If it’s irrational, stay out of the way-don’t try explain it away or try to change my mind. Let my irrational emotion run its course (again, with me being stubborn). If it’s rational or deep or important to me, still be gentle. Hugs, quiet, listening to what’s on my mind. Little things to cheer me up-watching TV or a movie quietly, something tasty to eat, etc. You can still support me if you’re far away: fic, drabbles, cute animals (puppies!), just leaving a comment/text/tweet to show me that you’re there.
4. Are there things we should not discuss?
Uh. Doubtful? I’m usually the over-sharer anyway. :D I really, honestly can’t think of anything that I wouldn’t want to talk about. And I’m not shy; if there’s something I just can’t handle at a given moment, I’ll tell you. And if that happens, don’t be hurt-it’s definitely not you, it’s me. :)
5. How should I treat you when you are ill?
Well, I act like a whiny brat, so apparently Emily is right: like a tiny baby, lol. I get horribly useless when I’m sick, so fic and hugs and love is welcome. No responsibilities, no requests ("I’m too weak to [fill in the blank]!"). Lotsa sleep. Just show that you have a modicum of sympathy and I’ll be happy.
6. What makes you happy that's in my power to grant you?
RAINBOWS AND FAERIES AND MAGIC. Or, y’know. Fic, pictures of cute animals, interesting discussions. I love it when people I know mostly from fandom or easy things ("Wheeee, television!" "Hooray, I love the Red Sox!") roll up their sleeves and talk about something important. It’s learning about who they are and what matters to them, and I love engaging like that. Wes is rolling his eyes at that, somewhere, but it’s true. Just... Really think, really feel, and let me share it with you a little. It’s an honor.
7. How would you like us to recognise your birthday?
Tequila. My birthday is Cinco de Mayo, people. I’m not kidding- tequila, Mexican food, and more tequila. My birthday was a Wednesday this year and I still managed to get my buzz on. But I’m easy- tasty food, a couple tequila shots, maybe a movie, and that’s good. Alternatively, if you want to haul my ass out on the town and shake a little booty, I’m down with that, too. And if you’re far away? Just acknowledge it- an LJ comment, a tweet, a Facebook note. It makes me smile.
8. Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
Fic, drabbles, icons, pictures of cute things..... All of it, LOVE. If it’s intended especially for me, ALL THE BETTER. I have a permanent LJ account (an interesting choice when I had money to burn in 2006), so I’m good there. If you’re looking to spend cold, hard, cash, then gift certificates are awesome-Starbucks, Amazon, etc. And right now, I’m getting married, so you can always check out our registries. XD
9. Are there times of the year that are difficult for you?
Well, I have Seasonal Affective Disorder (undiagnosed, since I just kept getting diagnosed with depression in mid-February, whoops), so the cold, dark months are the hardest for me. I love the fall, and I love December (holidays! Parties! Cheeriness!), but January through March can be really, really rough. May is my busiest month of the year (my birthday the first week, then an 80 hour week at work in mid-May, then an annual trip to Maine for Memorial Day).
10. Are there important anniversaries in your life?
Wes and my anniversary is September 16. This year we’re getting married (woo!) and it’s our tenth anniversary. My birthday is May 5, Wes’ birthday is February 4, the bombings in London was July 7 (and is also, interestingly enough, the day Wes proposed to me in 2009). Just dates that stick out a little in my head.
11. How do I cater for you if you are visiting me?
A bed-like thing (couch’ll do), a blanket-like thing, and some kind of breakfast. No coffee, but if you have tea (with sugar and milk if it’s black!), you’ll make my morning. I also need about seven hours of sleep to function, so keeping that in mind is sweet, too. :)
12. If I want to contact you, how should I do it?
Depends-if it’s URGENTOMG, I have an iPhone and it’s basically always on, so calling me works. If you’re just looking to get in touch, email is best (again, iPhone), texting/Twitter usually get a quick response, Gchat is always open with email, and LJ is another good way (if notifications are working). I’m always down for casual conversation on GChat; people can come and go and it’s fine. Perfect for just catching up. :) I’m weird about the phone-I talk to my mother almost every day (we’re close), but we just yammer about whatever (recently: wedding crap, big surprise). If you want to talk, I can talk, but I’m not super chatty.